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Coy was aware that something was up, he knew it wasn't normal to become all fuzzy in the head and go quiet and feel kinda stupid. He knew that. It's just that when he mentioned it to his therapist, he didn't think she'd say she thought it was involuntary age regression, and he never thought she'd recommend he try lean into it on purpose?
Looking closer at it, maybe it was obvious. Whenever he got too happy he felt soft and sleepy. Whenever he was around his friends for a while and felt comfortable and safe he got clingy and quiet. But at the same time, when he got stressed he'd shut down and stop talking, pulling at his hair like he's a kid or if he was angry his words would become slurred and sometimes he'd almost stamp his foot down.
It was a surprise no one else noticed.
But as soon as he himself noticed this stuff, he'd take himself out of the situation and force himself into his room and try his best to sleep it off. He was embarrassed, so he completely ignored his own feelings and that he'd wake up with his thumb in his mouth, it obviously meant nothing. It was just a bad habit.
All this to say that even when he didn't know what it was, it felt wrong to him.
But now he's meant to “open up to a trusted friend about it” or “at least trust those feelings and accept it” when he feels them.
he did not want to, at all, but a chance came and he had to take it.
-
It was an extremely quiet night, Anthony and Hanbon were on a trip for the weekend and Will was binge watching some show in his room, so Coy was in the living room alone with a bit too much time to think and he was making himself anxious without realising.
Why did he have to do this age regression thing? He'd been looking at way too much stuff online, how did everyone know what age they regressed to? Is it like a gut feeling? How were people so okay and comfortable with it? None of it made any sense at all.
He could feel his leg start shaking and his hands crawl up to his mouth as he started biting the skin around his nails
“Hey coy?” Will's voice suddenly came out of seemingly nowhere as his head poked through the door
“Shit! Will you scared me!” Coy jumped at the noise and shouted in surprise, quickly closing out Google and Tumblr on his phone and putting it down.
Will sat down next to him “I mean I shouted your name across the house like a few times but you seemed kind of out of it, are you okay? You look kinda anxious, did you see a weird fan post or something?” It was common for one of them to be in a bad mood from something online. Why do I actually have to have the sweetest roommates? Coy felt himself asking the question repeatedly in his head.
“O-oh uhm yeah, I guess.” He paused, “will, can I tell you something?” Coy could instantly feel the change in mood and he could feel the regret sink in as soon as the words spilled out of his mouth.
“Of course coy” will smiled as he turned round properly on the couch to face coy as he watched the boy pull his knees closer to his chest
there was a long pause, followed by coy taking a deep breath
“My therapist- I- no.” he tried to start “she brought something to my attention and- no… I- I don't know how to explain- ” he continued trying to speak before will cut him off
“Take your time, you don't have to tell me if you're not ready” he spoke softly
Coy sniffled a bit “I'm sorry will, I promise I do have something to tell you, its just hard”
“Coy it's okay, you don't have to rush yourself for me, if you wanted I was gonna ask if you wanted pizza for dinner, maybe after we've eaten you can try again yeah?”
“Okay Will, thank you”
Coy was completely and utterly fucked
-
The pizza did not help, in fact it made everything worse. Eating pizza and drinking Pepsi and laughing and joking with Will made him so happy, that he could feel the warm fuzziness crawl up around his brain.
Will coughed before he spoke “so… its ok if you don't wanna tell me now but what did you wanna talk about earlier" and before he finished Coy could feel his heart drop to his ass, his brain was not fuzzy anymore, he tried to carry on cleaning the plates and pizza boxes in from the counters as the other cleaned the table
He hummed before he spoke “yeah, uhm about that.” He tried to laugh it off but I didn't work and suddenly words were coming out before he could control it “My therapist- she- well, she didn't really recommend it, she just... she thinks this thing's happening and she wants me to... I don't know.” He took a deep breath
“This thing happening to me but like I don't have control over it and she wants me to open up to someone about it”
he turned around to face Will, seeing that they'd both finished their part of tidying he started back up again “but I- I cant even come to terms with it by myself and I really don't wanna do this but apparently it could help me a lot… and its so- so much more confusing than it feels worth a- and like I'm just so anxious and confused and I need to tell someone, anyone at all and I'm really hoping you don't judge me”
He didn't even say what it was, but Will paused, listened and replied “ok, calm down, I could never judge you.” He took a second to think before saying “but I can't do anything if you don't tell me what it is, so please help me help you, yeah?”
coy mumbled something
“Huh?”
“... do you know what age regression is, will?”
Coy felt his heart beating in his ears, this might be the worst thing that's ever happened in his life, like even worse than the childhood trauma that caused him to age regress.
“Oh, a little bit, what is it exactly though?”
Coy searched for a definition on his phone and handed it to Will
“Do you do that?” Will's voice felt too casual about it for how coy felt as he handed his phone back coy
“Yeah, I cant like- pick and choose though my therapist calls it involuntary, I haven't even consciously done it properly before, but she wants me to try do it voluntarily and open up to someone about it, I guess I've done one part” his hands ran through his hair before he could even think about doing it, he was rambling at this point but he couldn't stop, he was anxious.
“Calm down coy you might run out of air” Will joked “But how does that work exactly? If you're okay with telling me. Does anything trigger it?” will spoke with an understanding tone
“I don't know if you've noticed but sometimes I get really sleepy and go quiet and get clingy, that's kind of like the early stages of me regressing…it kind of happens either when I'm really happy and feel safe, or if I'm stressed and upset or angry” Coy said trying not to ramble
“But you're still you, right?” will questioned and coy could see that the other boy really was thinking
“Yeah, I'm still me just… younger, in a way.” a pause “I'm not really sure what age I go, I just know I'm for sure not twenty-one.” he said fiddling with his hands, he tried to laugh it off “god this is like a humiliation ritual”
Will walked out the kitchen and coy followed without thinking
“Coy, if it's important to you I'd never laugh at you, ever. Well, at least not a situation like this. I just want to be able to understand you” as will finished he plopped himself down on the couch and tapped the other cushion with his hand as a way to tell coy to sit down with him again, and coy did just that
“its just scary, I always try to stop it from happening and I don't get how I'm meant to just let it.” He could feel tears building behind his eyes, Coy felt pathetic
“Well, I don't know if you've done any research but we can look some stuff up, and that way we can both learn” will smiled speaking in a soft tone still
“Okay, yeah.”
-
researching with will was really helpful, it was a lot nicer to know that some things really were just confusing and maybe a bit cringe and it wasn't just coy, but afterwards will had suggested they watch a film and coy let his guard down too much.
It was nearing the end of the film when he realised. he wasn't paying much attention to it anyway, but his head was on Will's lap and he was sleepy. They were cuddly people anyway but this had to stop, coy could feel the stress from earlier fade from his head as his thoughts became more incoherent.
he couldn't do that, no matter how much he knew Will probably wouldn't notice or wouldn't care if he regressed, he couldn't even do it alone yet, he wasn't ready. He hadn't even mentioned regressing around the other boy, so he made a plan to leave.
Shooting up from his place on the sofa, he spoke, trying not to mess up any of his words “I'm really tired actually, I'm gonna head to bed”
Will paused the movie looking a little confused groaning "there's only like fifteen minutes left, are you sure?”
“Yup, I'm falling asleep anyway… so I'm just gonna head off, goodnight.” And then he bolted.
-
Coy really did regret leaving, it had been an hour and he still wasn't asleep, he's a horrible liar but he just didn't wanna make Will uncomfortable in case he fully regresses, he felt like there were clouds in his vision and his hands felt so weak suddenly.
He curled in on himself in bed, he hated this, he didn't want this to happen. Will had been so kind and understanding the whole day, kinder than coy ever had been to himself on this topic.
Thoughts that weren't fully formed swarmed his head, and without realising, he started crying, and didn't notice really until it became full sobs, speaking to himself in words that didn't make much sense, being stressed in his real mind but freaking out like a child.
A knock at the door
“Coy? Are you alright?” a voice cut through his sobs “I'm gonna come in okay?” Someone opened his door and turned on the lamp by his bed
Coy cant stop crying, he just cant.
“Hey, hey it's ok, it's ok coy, just breath through your nose, yeah?” Someone was sat next to him now, he tried to listen to what he was told,
“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry” coy didn't really think before speaking
“It's ok coy, you have nothing to be sorry for, c’mere” coy could feel an arm wrap around his shoulder.
A moment passed with quiet sniffles
“Will?”
“Yeah it's me, are you okay?”
nothing made much sense right now to coy, so he just went with the flow
“m’ ok” speaking sleepily, curling into will more
he didn't hear wills small laugh “okay coy, you should sleep you know”
“Mm yeah” coy mumbled, his thumb making its way towards his mouth, he didn’t suck it but it fell lightly between his lips as Will played with his hair “you stayin'?”
“Yeah, I'm staying”
After a while of silence, Coy spoke up “I'm sorry Wil’.”
“What are you sorry for?” Will spoke watching coy sit up straighter in his arms
“I don't think I'm very big right now, m’ sorry” coy started sniffling
“You don't- oh!” Will cut himself off as soon as he put two and two together “its ok coy, I promise, you can be small if you want”
“Kay…”
Will wasn't sure what to do because he didn't want to leave Coy alone, but also Coy told him how he'd never been properly regressed before. He wasn't sure what to do for an age regressor, but he knew how to be a good friend, so hopefully they work the same.
So instead of fussing, he just asked “Coy, do you want me to stay with you?”
Coy thought for a second “yes please will… is that okay?”
“Of course coy, you just relax yeah?”
“Yeah…” coy mumbled as his words drifted off
-
Coy woke up with his thumb in his mouth and his face felt stiff with tears dried on his face. Did he really suck his thumb?
He wanted to feel mad about the night before, but he couldn't, yeah he's super embarrassed but he feels the most rested he's been in months despite borderline having a panic attack.
He tried to turn round but realised someone's arm was on top of him oh shit! Will never left?
He heard Will stir in his sleep as he tried to wiggle out from his grip
“Coy?” He mumbled shaking the arm that was around coy, it must be dead
“Who else would it be?” he giggled while grabbing the hoodie hung from his bed frame and putting it on
“Mm I don't know, how are you? Do you remember much?” Will questioned, he seemed a bit more awake after stretching
“Kind of embarrassed, I remember most of it, I think. I feel really well rested though… thank you for staying with me last night” coy looked away from will while speaking
“Don't be embarrassed, you obviously needed it. I hope you know you can come to me whenever, even if I'm not a know it all on everything” will said, praying it was the right thing to say
Coy can't help but feel joy bloom in his chest, something about him for once isn't overthinking “thank you will, ill try to do just that” he smiled, maybe something good could come of this.
Maybe it was hard, but opening up to will may have been the best thing coy has ever done. Lets just hope Anthony and Hanbon don't find out.