Chapter Text
Zuka’s phone rang. It wasn’t unusual to hear that sound this time of day, but it wasn’t normal either. He answered the phone.
“B. Zuka speaking, how can I help you?” He sounded tired and uninterested in what the caller was going to say.
“Hello, ‘B. Zuka’. If you couldn't already tell, it's your favorite deity Darkheart! We need your help with a little.. issue us and the other Swords have.” Darkheart smirks on the other side of the line, knowing Zuka is going to throw the largest tantrum known to Inphernal-kind
Zuka’s eye twitched. Couldn’t that absolute idiot leave the past in the past and move on with his endless life? He wanted to hang up, but something - curiosity, perhaps - kept him from ending the call then and there.
“Get someone else to help.” He tried masking the anger in his voice, but it didn’t work very well.
“Mm.. no. We don't want to. See, we need a big, strong burly man, like yourself, to help us. and we are having difficulty finding another inphernal with experience. So? Will the great B. Zuka help a poor old deity like ourselves?”
“What are you plotting? You know stuff like this has never ends well.” Zuka’s curiosity was piqued farther.
He laughs “It’s not like we called you for some tea and a nice chat! We just want your help!”
“Why should I help you?” The truth was, Zuka didn’t really need a reason. He was already very curious about what Darkheart was plotting- but he wasn’t going to make Darkheart think they’d resolved things.
“Uh.. because we’re an all powerful deity! We feel like we could inflict major consequences onto you if you don't help us..”
“And what are those ‘major consequences’?” Zuka didn't sound too impressed
“Well.. That little child of yours sure seems like a good motivation! Perhaps we could take another one of his limbs.. or maybe we could take his life! Your call, Zuka..”
Zuka paled even though he already resembled a fresh piece of paper.
“Fine. I’lll help you, Just stay away from Rocket.”
“Wow. That was surprisingly easy, Zukes. How old are you now? 60?” he smirks, knowing he got a rouse out of him
“51.” He corrected, growing more annoyed every second he interacted with this damn deity. “Why do you need to know that?”
“Oh, we were just planning to see how much work you can do.” the smile on his face grows wider, and he is relishing in Zuka's annoyance
Zuka sighs. This reminds him of when him and Darkheart were friends. The humor is still the same. Painfully so.
“When exactly do you need my ‘help’?”
“Well, hopefully we can see you by tomorrow!”
“Splendid” Zuka says in an aggressively sarcastic tone, having hung up the phone immediately after the last syllable was said.
* * *
In the morning, Zuka wakes up to see… well, not sunlight filtering through the curtains. He opens his eyes fully and sees Darkheart sitting in a chair next to his net and immediately starts the day in a horrible mood.
“Good morning! We wanted to make sure that you would actually follow through with this and not abandon us, so we thought making sure you don't abandon us would be the best idea!”
“You couldn’t have tried something other than breaking-and-entering?” You can hear the grumpiness in Zuka’s voice
“.. No. We didn’t want to!” He stands up, grabbing Zuka’s hand
“Come on, old man, get up.”
Zuka sits up
Darkheart drags Zuka out of the room, into his kitchen
“Don't ask us to cook. We'll burn your food.” Darkheart smiles, casting a glance at the stove, then another side-eye to the same area to try and comprehend what horribly ugly thing he was looking at.
In the kitchen, the ‘thing’ could be found cheerfully cooking something. “Good morning, Zuka!” It was the Broker. Oh sweet SFoTH. His voice was much too cheerful for the morning, and it was a bit higher than the average male voice. He turned to look at Zuka and the only thing he saw was Darkheart standing protectively in front of him, glaring at Broker so intensely it could re-open his stapled skin. He immediately scowled. “Who’s that?”
Darkheart scowls right back. “who Is this peasant living in your kitchen, Zuka?”
Broker was not impressed by Darkheart calling him a peasant. “I am not a ‘peasant’. Hey Zuka? Do you mind if I dispose of this overgrown rat?” The stitches on Broker’s neck catch the light, making them more visible against his paper colored neck.
“Excuse us?! Did you just..-” Darkheart walks over to grab Broker's face, forcing him to look directly into Darkhearts eyes, fire burning in his green aura
Rocket, who just woke up, sat down at the dining table, pulled out his phone, glanced up, then smirked. He knows something is about to go down.
Broker just grinned at his display of anger, finding it amusing. “Ohhhh, I think I remember who you are now. Aren’t you Zuka’s edgy ex-boyfriend?” Broker asks, sounding genuine even though he isn’t. He knows this comment will aggravate the deity.
“Do you know who you are talking to?! Do you know that we could snap your neck clean off your head and eat it for dinner? I mean, to be fair, it looks like anybody could snap off your neck.” He tightens the hold on Broker's face
“Oh, you moron. Do it, I dare you. I'm sure that will make a certain shopkeeper happy.” Broker instigates
He glances behind his shoulder, seeing Zuka watch this scene go down with a pissed look on his face. He lets go of Broker, sitting down on one of the chairs and looks ready to spawn his gear and kill the man
Rocket sends a video of what just happened to Sword, who shows Venomshank.
“Hey, dad? Don’t you know this guy?” Sword asks, showing the video to Venomshank
“Ye- what's Darkheart doing with Zuka!?” He puts down the rag he was cleaning with, whispering to himself that “Darkheart said he would drop it”
Meanwhile, Broker has moved and is now standing next to Zuka. He winks at Darkheart before leaving a quick kiss on Zuka’s cheek, knowing much more than he should about their past
Datkhearts anger rises, face paling and eyes widening, but he doesn't say anything.
Broker grins, silently taunting Darkheart.
Zuka glares at Broker, annoyed at such a public display of affection- especially in front of his old ‘friend’. “Don’t ever do that again.” Zuka sounds pissed, but Broker knows Zuka doesnt mean it. Surely he doesn’t… right? HAH, of course he doesn't!
Venomshank storms out of the building where he and Sword lives, and walks to Zuka’s home (which is above Da Shop, so it's easy to find) and he knocks on the door
Zuka answered the door, not expecting to see Venomshank.
“Hello, Venomshank. May I ask why you’re here?”
“Uhm, weird question, but is Darkheart here?” I would say Venomshank stands on his tippy toes, but the man is 7 feet tall, so I think the length in his legs gives him enough height already to see over Zuka's head
Zuka nods, wondering about Venomshank’s intentions. Zuka steps out of the doorway to let Venomshank in before muttering under his breath, “My house seems to be a magnet for deities.” Zuka sounds annoyed about it too.
Venomshank starts absolutely wailing on Darkheart as soon as he enters the doorway, explaining that he cannot be with a mere mortal and needs to learn how to let go. It was quite embarrassing, actually.
Broker looks momentarily confused by all the commotion before grinning evilly. All this does is give him more leverage to use against Darkheart.
Darkheart manages to explain to Venom that he isn't with Zuka for a hookup, but to instead use the mortal for his own gain, which seemed to calm Venomshank down quite a bit.
Zuka’s still not happy about any of this.
Venomshank sits down, deciding to stay since he hasn't had any social interaction, and he's already there.
Broker takes a seat next to Darkheart
“Didn’t know the ‘deity’ of chaos could be so jealous.” Broker teases nonchalantly
“We’re not jealous, how could you assume that we're jealous!”
“Well, you haven’t told me that you’re here for any other reason..”
Darkheart takes a deep breath before responding “Well, it is none of the concern of a broke, poor ass Inphernal who definitely does not deserve the attention of one of Blackrock's most ex-prized possessions. As well as the fact that your name is so unknown that we forget it the second it's said.”
Broker giggles, finding this amusing “You care more than I thought!”
“Why should we care about someone so expendible” Darkheart looks at Broker directly
Broker giggles some more. “I’m flattered that I was the first thing to come to your mind when I said that, but I was actually talking about Zuka.”
It takes all of Darkhearts willpower to not choke and murder the Broker, but he assumes murdering someone would be pretty unsightly to the group of people.
He stands up “So! Zuka, when are we leaving?”
Broker’s smile drops a bit, but he tries maintaining his cheerful composure. “Zuka will not be going anywhere with someone who’s colored like a trashbag.”
“Oh, you are just asking to be beaten up.” Darkheart grabs his collar, grabbing his neck after pulling him very close to his face, choking him.
Broker claws at Darkheart’s wrists, causing them to start bleeding. The Broker is still smiling like a freaking lunatic
Seeing this interaction angered Zuka. “Darkheart, put him down.”
“Why should we! He was being a little asshole anyways!” Darkheart laughs, his grip loosening slightly
Seeing that Darkheart’s distracted, Broker takes his chances and bites Darkheart’s hand hard. Darkheart drops Broker as he screams, and Broker sits in his chair, smiling he didn't just have a sword attempt to murder him.
“AHHÆ! See? He's a pound dog that needs to be put down!”
“Yes, because hurting someone as they try choking you doesn’t count as self-defense.” Broker retorts, getting fed up with Darkhshart’s anger issues.
“You! Shut your dirty little mouth before we do it for you!” He glares at the Broker, suddenly grabbing Zuka's hand and drags him to his bedroom “Get ready! We are not waiting any longer!”
Zuka scowls before pushing Darkheart out of the room so he can change and get ready in privacy
Broker glares at Darkheart from the dining room table.
Darkheart scowls “What? You gonna apologize for this bite mark on our hand? Probably not.”
Broker scowls back “Not until you apologize for the bruises on my neck.”
“Those bruises were valid, unlike our bite mark!!”
“And who are you to judge? You attempted murder in this very kitchen thirty seconds ago!”
“It was not attempted murder. It was self defense.”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night. or- i guess not since you actually stay up all night thinking about Zuka and what could have happened if you two hadn't argued and-”
Darkheart jumps on him, attacking and punching every inch of skin his fist can touch
Broker fights back- MUCH better than he did earlier when Darkheart choked him out. He was just playing earlier.
They roll around on the floor, Venomshank screaming at them to stop attacking each other and Rocket laughing and sending pictures of the gay actions to sword.
After just a few minutes, both participants are bloody, bruised and battered. Broker has managed to pin Darkheart down with a knife that he practically pulled out of thin air.
Darkheart laughs, finding this action slightly funny, as he can't die from a mere knife cut
Broker has a wild, vicious look in his eye- it seems like he might actually be angry. Broker presses the knife to Darkheart’s throat, drawing blood.
He chokes out a stifled moan, one only Broker can hear
Broker pauses, momentarily surprised. He didn’t know an ‘all-powerful deity’ could make that sound. He then presses the knife deeper.
Darkheart pants, squirming to get Broker off him, and fails
“What.. what are you doing?!” He hisses
“Have you never fought before?” Broker sounds annoyed by Darkheart’s question. He hadn’t expected someone as powerful as Darkshart to be so idiotic.
“Yes of course we ha- get OFF us!” he groans in.. pain? Broker can't tell
Broker doesn’t budge
“Make me.” Broker smiles sadistically when Darkheart expresses his pain.
He pants very heavily now, a flush of red creeping up his face
Venomshank still screaming at them, Rocket still taking pictures of their phight, Zuka then opens his door and looks down to see this. “What the HELL are you two doing?!” He grabs Broker’s collar and drags him off Darkheart.
Darkheart pushes himself off the floor immediately, his face still red
“Come on, Zuka, we're ready to take our eyes off this sad little excuse of a being.”
Zuka nods
“Finally”
Little do they know, Broker’s gonna find a way to secretly come with them
“Come on.. let's go to the backdoors..”
Zuka and Darkheart walk out the door, and Broker follows them quietly.
He leads him into the backdoors, and opens said door to the many other doors
“So, what did you need help with?” Zuka asks
“Well, we need your help building new things. Oh! And protecting a city from an invasion. See, the Swords are kinda in a war right now.. and it would be nice to have someone else to help us.”
They both hear a gasp from behind a door. “The Swords? At war? Well that was anticlimactic-” Broker walks out.
Darkheart turns around like he’s cosplaying Sevarus Snape “Can you never not be a pain in the ass!?”
“It’s kind of one of my specialties!” Broker smiles, seemingly taunting Darkheart.
Zuka sighs with exasperation “Yes, we know!! Listen. You can come along, but you can't be trying to start a phight like you do!” Zuka exclaims.
“Oh, I’ll try not to! It’ll be pretty hard though, since Darkheart’’s just so easy to ragebait..”
Darkheart screams at him. “CAN YOU-” Zuka interrupts him
“Broker. If you want to come with us, you CANNOT get into a phight.”
“Can we not bring him?!” Darkheart whines.
“I promise I won’t start a phight.” Broker says to Zuka. Zuka never said that Broker couldn’t ragebait Darkheart.
Darkheart shuffled closer to Zuka, glaring at Broker like he's a deadly disease. Broker proceeded to step closer to Zuka too. He glares at Broker, getting even closer to Zuka. Broker gets closer to Zuka too. A faint blush coats Zuka’s cheeks at the very close proximity of the two.
“Let's go.” Darkheart grabs Zuka’s hand, and pulls him to the door. Broker follows while plotting about how he’s going to ragebait Darkshart even more. Darkheart holds Zuka’s hand tighter, pulling him closer while still violently glaring at Broker.
* * *
“Here we are! Splintered skies, the area that we shall be defending.”
“Why Splintered Skies?” Broker frowns.
“Because, there isn't enough defense here.” he glares at him “Why, are you scared of heights?”
“Nooooooooooooo, I just don’t think Windforce would like me.”
“Yes, that’s probably accurate. You can back out now if you like..”
“No.”
A random civilian who was walking nearby stopped to look at them.
“You three look so cute together!” He comments before walking off.
“What?! We- we- we aren't dating!!!” Darkheart screams
Broker just giggles and grabs Darkheart’s hand
“Don’t deny. You know it’s not gonna work.”
Zuka tries not to laugh
Darkheart’s face pales, ripping his hand out of Broker’s.
“We are not dating! You are a violently hideous and depressing Inphernal.”
“I am not!” Broker retorts, sounding a little annoyed.
“Yes you are!” Darkheart retorts back.
“Awwww, look at you bickering like an old married couple! Have fun!” The random ahh Inphernal walks away with a wave
Darkheart’s face contorts in anger, and he pushes away Broker.
“We want you to know, you are not touching us ever again. Clear?"
“No promises!” Broker smiles
Darkheart growls, confirming that Broker is getting on his nerves.
Zuka just grins at them, realizing that the one random Inphernal was right. They did kinda look like they were all dating.
“Let's go.” Darkheart states angrily.
He walks with the other 2 Inphernals, going to Windforce’s domain
“Hello. So, you are the new recruits?” Windforce asks, not sounding very impressed.
Zuka nods
“Yes, of course! They are going to help us get new recruits. We tried to force other Inphernals to join the army, but they all fought back and we were getting very tired of all the whining! So yes, these are the recruits.”
Zuka looked at Darkheart in surprise as he admitted to basically attempting to kidnap random Inphernals.
“Mm. Fine.. Come here, darlings” She says, gesturing to all three of them
Zuka casually walked up to Windforce while Broker seemed the most reluctant of the three to approach Windforce.
“Fine.” Darkheart whines. He walks to the female, bowing down to her in his reluctance
Broker finally approached Windforce, seeming cautious.