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“Ugh, are you serious…!?”
“Hahaha, dude!”
Susie cackles as Ralsei manhandles his controller, the plastic creaking in his iron grip. The Game Over screen taunts them, having hit his last nerve three losses ago, and Susie is loving it. Who knew Ralsei had gamer rage? Kris would get a kick out of this, if they weren't off doing some weird shady secret shit. They're gonna feel real dumb for missing this, later.
Ralsei takes his practiced steadying breaths, hands shaking even as he calms himself for the billionth time, brow etched in frustration. He slumps back, leaving the controller in his lap.
It's still funny, Susie can't help but chortle, “Heh– hey, man– if you don't wanna play anymore, it's cool.”
“It's not that,” Ralsei grits out, nearly setting her off again. “It's just… ugh, the stupid…!”
Again, he breathes. In and out, hands still trembling, and… actually, it's not that funny anymore. If he's this upset… She almost feels bad for laughing.
Ralsei seems to notice her watching him, and suddenly he’s very aware of himself. He sits up, back straight and proper again, though there's an unmistakable sag in his shoulders. It's in his voice, too, as he stutters out, “Ah… I-I’m sorry, Susie. I don't mean to… I mean, I can't imagine I’m very fun to play with… like this. I’m sorry.”
Woah, what? “Nah, man, are you kidding? It's…” She fidgets with her spikey bangles, blue light flickering off the gold. “I kinda like seeing you pissed off like that. It's nice.”
Ralsei gawks. “N– Nice…??” He bleats, cheeks darkening. “Wh-What about that would be nice?”
She gives a big shrug, “I dunno, it's like… I mean, you're always nice and happy all the time. Kinda cool to see you… not that. Makes you feel, uh… human. Y’know.”
Susie watches his face fall completely. Just like earlier, when… Ah, damn. She said something wrong. Something that hit him right where he thinks he isn't good enough, still. “Susie… I… I’m not—”
“Yeah, yeah, I know you're not human.” She snarls, crossing her arms. He doesn't get it, but whatever. “It's, uhh… what's it called? Hypothetical?”
“Um… an analogy?”
“Yup.” She pops the p. “Just a fancy way of sayin’ I like it. I like you. Cuz you're my friend. You know that?”
She resists the urge to poke a claw into his chest, but he clams up as if she did. Nice, she transmitted it through his dense skull. “I…” He smiles shyly. “Hah, I– I do know that, Susie.”
“Good. Don't forget.” She glances away, twisting a bangle once more around her wrist. Her controller sits on the cushion beside her. Sighing, she grabs it and drops into Ralsei’s lap, where it clacks against the one already there. He fumbles with it. “Here. Take my controller. Player One is all yours.”
Ralsei gapes, looking between her and the controller like a lost puppy. “Oh, Susie, I… I shouldn't—”
“Take it, dumbass, I’m gettin’ antsy, anyway.” She says, hauling off the couch. She looks out over to the door. The door Kris went through. Her stomach swims. “I’ll… go check on Kris, okay?” Ralsei blinks up at her, then nods meekly. “Just have fun. Well, ‘s much as you can. Don't rage too hard. Wouldn't want Tenna barging in cuz you broke one of his controllers, heh.”
He flushes. “I— I wouldn't!!”
“Messin’ with you, nerd.”
Susie flicks his forehead, knocking his glasses off kilter. She huffs as he fixes them with a near pout on his lips. Still, his eyes shine with concern.
Her chest grows heavy. She sighs again. “...I'll be back. ‘Kay?” She tells him in the kindest tone she can muster. “Don't worry about us.”
She walks off before she can see the way his face drops next. She hates when he looks like that.
Whatever. As soon as she grabs Kris, they’ll be on their way out of here. So she can focus on doing everything in her power to convince her stupid friend he’s worth something. Everything. She’ll show him.
—♥—♥—♡—♥—♥—
Susie groans at the soft rapping at her door, already pulling her pillow over her ears. She already knows who it is, and she already feels bad for ignoring them, but she wants to sleep.
“Susie…? A-Are you awake…?”
It's Ralsei. Sweet, polite, considerate Ralsei, who’s literally just being a decent host right now. She groans again, louder, and the knocking stops. She heaves herself up, saying goodbye to her pillow– Kris’s pillow, actually, she forgot she hijacked their bed– as she calls out to the door. “I am now.”
“Oh! Good.” A bit of meandering on the other side of the door. “Uhm, can I come in?”
She looks around the mess of crumbs and blankets strewn around Kris’s floor. “Yeah.”
Ralsei opens the door a smidge, peeking his fluffy little head in. Naturally, his eyes meet the messy floor. “Ah, Susie.” He says with no judgement, putting his hands together and conjuring the crumbs away, the blankets back on the bed with her. She lets him. He pushes the door further open and turns to her, peppier, “Good morning!”
In the Dark World, there is no morning or night, but her internal clock still ticks, telling her the sun’s barely up. It also reminds her that today is important, actually. Festival day. Still, she resents being woken up at such an unholy hour when it's not even a school day.
“Goddd, dude, it's so early…” She throws her stiff arms up to stretch, pulling at the muscles in her neck. “What are you, my mom?”
“Ah– is it early?” Right, he wouldn’t really know that. “I-I’m sorry! I’m just excited, and… you know, I– I wouldn't want you to be late!”
An apology, already? Is that a record? She feels bad. “Pssh. Nah, you're fine. I, uh… prolly woulda overslept, so… thanks.”
Ralsei wrings his paws, nervous.
“What’re you standin’ in the doorway for? I don't bite.” She says, baring her teeth in a yawn.
“Ah– right!” Ralsei retreats for a moment, returning back-first as he… pulls a cart into the room?? A little serving cart, with a clinking tea set and a stack of pancakes (with a huge, delicious dollop of whipcream and strawberry) on a big plate surrounded by smaller plates. Ralsei beams as he rolls it to a stop, already eagerly portioning tea into the cups.
Susie’s eyes are wide as the serving plates. “Woah. Uhh, d-dude, you… didn't have to do all this, hah. Li’l fancy for me.”
“Oh, but I wanted to!” Ralsei tells her, so simply. “How could I not prepare you a special breakfast for your big date?”
It’s too early to be getting so flustered, and yet her face heats. “H-Hey, I mean, i-it's not a—”
“But it is! And how exciting!” Ralsei takes a teacup in either hand, practically shoving Susie’s share into her palms. It warms them up nicely, and she can’t help but relax a bit.
Ralsei, looking anything but relaxed, taps his fingers along the rim of his cup as he continues. “You’re going to eat so many yummy foods, go on so many rides… Ohh, you’ll have so much fun!” He bounces on the balls of his feet. “And I’m so happy for you two! It's true I don't know Noelle very well, but I’m sure she's just as nervous as you… I wonder how she's preparing? Maybe her mother has made her a special breakfast, too…!”
Susie’s grip tightens around her cup. He… wouldn't know about Noelle’s mom. Not his fault. She wonders about Noelle, too. She really hopes she didn't mess things up yesterday.
Ralsei places his cup down, drink untouched. “Oh, this reminds me, um… Would you let me do your hair?”
Susie perks up as she sips. She forces a swallow, gargling as she asks, “Uhh, you mean in like, a fancy get-up? I dunno if I’d want all that…”
Ralsei shakes his head, “It doesn't have to be! I could, um… just detangle it? Would that be okay?”
That… sounds reasonable. It is a totally-not-date, after all. Least she could do is tame her mane. “Hm, yeah. That's fine, I guess.”
Ralsei clasps his hands, practically glowing. “Wonderful!!”
He pulls the cart closer to Susie’s bedside, forking a couple pancakes onto the plate in front of her, suitably within reach. He nods toward Susie and then crawls up onto the bed, shuffling behind her. She hears him conjure a brush that rakes into her hair not a second later. She sips her tea, and thinks about how weird but cool it feels to be taken care of like this.
The two sit in brief silence as Susie finishes her drink before grabbing her pancakes. As she takes her first bite, Ralsei pipes up again.
“You know, Queen and Lancer are quite excited, too.” He says cheerily. “They seem to be preparing something for you in the foyer… I’m curious, but a little scared. Those two are always up to some strange things. I hope they won't do anything too obtrusive. And that they’ll mind my cauldron…”
Susie listens through thoughtful chews. Ralsei’s brush catches on unruly knots, but it doesn't bother her, and he seems to wrangle them out just fine. She doesn't have much to say. These pancakes are really good.
“Kris is going with you, too, right? Or will you have them sit out because it's a date?” Susie goes to answer through a mouthful of food, but Ralsei goes on. “I think you should let them stay. You know, I’d hate for them to feel left out. I’m… sad I can’t be there for them. The thought of them being lonely today makes my heart ache. So, um, promise me you’ll let them stay, okay?”
Mouth now foodless, she answers plainly, “Yeah, sure, wasn't plannin’ on ditching them anyway.”
She can hear his smile. “That's good to hear!”
“But, uhh… Ralsei.” Her fork scrapes against ceramic. “Are you… like…?”
“Hm? What's wrong?” He pauses. “A-Am I hurting you?”
“Oh, nah, you’re fine, can't feel a thing.” She assures him, and he relaxes. “It's just… you're kinda… talking a lot.”
All too quickly, he tenses again, pulling away from her. “A– Am I…?”
She can imagine the look on his face as he breathes the words– cheeks red and eyes averted as if he’s been caught doing something wrong. She didn't mean it like that. She's getting deja vu, all of a sudden.
“I-I’m sorry.” Ralsei stammers, shy again. “I didn't realize… I-I mean, I’m just excited, so, I…”
She turns to face him, brows knit together. “Dude, it’s okay.” She hates that stupid sad look in his eyes, more than anything. “I’m serious. It’s just… weird. To hear you… uh. Not scared to talk.”
He peers at her over his glasses. “Scared…?”
“Like, you always seem so…” She clicks her teeth, sweet with sugar. She's not good with words, dammit. “Like you don't ever wanna say too much. Like you'll get in trouble. Always biting your tongue. When you wanna say more. So, y’know. It's kinda nice to hear you, uh… unfiltered. I guess.”
Ralsei’s hands, folded over the hairbrush in his lap, fidget. “Unfiltered…” He repeats, distant. “I-I suppose… that would fit, yes.” Whatever that means. “B-But I wouldn't worry about it, Susie.”
Cryptic bastard. “I didn't say I was worried!”
His cheeks puff out. “W-Well, then, good! Don't worry!”
Susie turns indignantly, back toward her unfinished breakfast. “You saying ‘don’t worry’ makes me wanna worry.”
“Don't!!”
Ralsei tugs on her hair with the brush, pulling her head back with a yelp. Her plate clatters to the floor, not breaking somehow, and despite her ruined meal and the newly stinging pain in her scalp, she laughs.
“Sorry.” Ralsei says immediately. “O-Or, not sorry! No worrying on your big date day. Okay? Promise me that, too!”
“I promise, nerdass.” She leans back dramatically, earning giggles from Ralsei as he’s smothered in her mostly-neat hair. “Fun Gang’s honor.”
Sputtering, he scoots back so Susie’s head rests on his lap, giving view to his blinding smile. “The greatest honor, indeed.”
Susie smiles back and closes her eyes in the ensuing quiet. Ralsei glides his manicured claws carefully along the rough scales of her arm. There's something perfect about it.
“I… wish I could go up there with you.” He says, barely a whisper. “It would… make me very happy.”
Susie’s eyes avoid his as they open. “Yeah… same.”
Suddenly, the quiet is unbearable. She sits up, taking a moment before cupping his face just as she’d done before. He lolls effortlessly into her hold. “Let's just… have fun down here while we can, yeah?” She grabs his shoulder, squeezing it tight. He winces, laughs warmly, then smiles. That's what she wants to see.
She promptly kicks up and off the bed, taking his hand. He makes a noise as she pulls him up, smoothing out his skirt. “C’mon,” She says, “Let's go see what bullshit Lancer and Queen are putting together.”
In the middle of conjuring the cart away, Ralsei’s blood visibly runs cold. “Oh, dear, I actually forgot for a moment.” He sweats, pulling on his scarf. “M-Maybe, I’ll just wait for Kris?”
Susie drags him out the door. “Hah! Good idea.”
—♥—♥—♡—♥—♥—
“Proud of you, man.”
Ralsei’s head shifts on her shoulder. His weight lets up a bit, a pink horn poking into her periphery, washing out the magenta of her room. “...What…?” He asks, hushed.
Susie plays with the end of Ralsei’s scarf, the frayed parts that twine into a row of quaint little hearts. “Flowery… he was a real jerk, sometimes. Even if he was just fighting for his home… I dunno. I know he really bothered you.” She mutters. “Kinda picked on you. Orange, too.”
Ralsei tenses against her. She knows he’s not proud of himself for it. She wishes he could see himself through her eyes.
“But you stood your ground. Like, really stood your ground. It was kinda a lot, sometimes, but… it was cool.” One of the threaded hearts unravels. She moves on to the next. “Good job.”
Susie listens for an acknowledgement, a sign that her words got through. There's nothing, for a while. Then, as she’s mindlessly picking apart a third heart, Ralsei sniffles.
“You know…” He croaks, unlike himself. “He… didn't tell me anything I didn't already know.”
Susie stops. “Hm?”
He moves off of her, suddenly. She chases the comforting presence, but lets him move to sit in front of her, legs crossed beneath his stretched robe.
“Flowery… was right.” He says, downcast. “About a lot of things. I suppose I… maybe I was just, afraid… to see them. O-Or I was– I was jealous. Jealous that he could live so freely, despite…”
It's too familiar, the way words halt in his throat. His mouth forms them, but they never come out. He stops them, even though he promised he wouldn't. Susie doesn't push him on it. Frankly, she's tired of pushing and not liking the results.
She almost doesn't expect him to keep talking. “And now, he’s… he’s gone, and… and I was so cruel.” He gasps, a timid paw reaching up to his mouth. “He only wanted the best for me, a-and I…”
Susie puts a hand on his knee, firm in what she hopes is reassurance. “Hey, it's not your fault, man. It’s… It just… happens.” She says. Her own voice is strained, but she tries her best to believe it, too. Every time she thinks of him, of everyone, she's reminded of her choice. Her selfishness, in choosing her dream over someone else’s. She blinks and sees him on the floor, sprawled beneath the buttercups, an omen spilling from his battered face. She deserves to hold on to that image, forever. She can never forget.
Ralsei pulls at one of his ears, still downtrodden. She wonders if it hurts to do that. She wonders if that's exactly why he does it. She thinks of her roots screaming at her as she tears her hair out.
Abruptly, Ralsei locks eyes with her, something hard in his gaze. His lashes flutter nervously behind his pink lenses, unused to such eye contact. Susie tends to look people dead-on, force of habit (an intimidation tactic, once– now it's just a Susie thing), but something about this throws her off, too. She doesn't know if she's ever felt this sort of tension with him before. She stiffens.
“Susie.” Ralsei starts, voice low. “I feel like… like you should know something. Something very important.”
Susie shivers. “Oh. Uh… Haha.” She feels every bit of her exhaustion, suddenly. “Look, man, I love you, but… if it's some new prophecy bombshell, it's going to have to wait ‘til morning, I-I can’t—”
“No!” Ralsei shouts, startling her. “N-No, it’s nothing like that! It's… it's actually something…” He leans a bit away, toiling. “I-It’s not about the prophecy. O-or maybe it is, which– which is why I got so angry, a-and scared, and…”
She can’t reel in the mix of concern and confusion that crosses her face, her snout upturned. Ralsei, already white as a sheet, goes paler, somehow.
“A-Anyway…” He falters, continuing in a light quaver. “I think I owe it to you. To tell you. Because, um… it might… make me happy. A-And you would want to know. If something… y-you were doing… was making me unhappy. So… So I…”
Susie feels like a balloon is about to explode between them. She holds her breath.
“I think…” She strains to hear him. “I’d like to be…” Even quieter. “...a-a princess.”
The balloon sputters out with a pathetic squeak.
Susie blinks. She’s… stunned. Confusion overtakes her expression full sail. She's not… shocked. But it's, perhaps, because she's not shocked that she's even more confused. That… It… Was that all…? She watches Ralsei’s face for any sort of feint, but it's just… It's just large, focused eyes, watching her just as closely. And she realizes a bit too late that this maybe isn't a great look on her. She should probably say something.
Her mouth feels dry. She slicks her jaw before speaking, “...Right… but, weren’t you already, like— No, shit, I shouldn't say that, uh— No, yeah, that's… that's fine, dude. That's great. I’m…”
Ralsei hasn't moved. Susie must look like an idiot, or, at worst, an asshole, fumbling her words over what's supposed to be such a personal confession. But it's rolling around in her head, a ball missing its goal just short. Or, maybe not?? She might get it, there's an inkling there, but she’s not any less perplexed. Dammit. God dammit, she should just ask, shouldn't she?
“Okay, actually,” (She’s gonna sound so dumb–) “Can I like… ask? About it?”
Ralsei jumps back to life, smiling shakily. “O… Of course! You can… ask about anything. Always. S-Sorry. I’m sorry.”
“Don't apologize.” She says easily, trying to find her words, which is much harder. “I just… I’m kinda confused, cuz… prince, princess– the way I see it, it's… not really different from how you usually are? You’ve always been girly, n’ stuff. It's never really been… a thing. So I’m wondering, like… why… it would be, now…?”
Susie cuts short at the way his (her, their? Is she even reading this right??) face starts to heat, eyes turning glassy, chest heaving. Shit.
“Not– Not in, like, a weird way!” She waves her hands wildly. Fuck, if she makes Ralsei cry again… “If you wanna be a princess, i-instead of a prince, that's cool! It's totally okay! You can do that! I– I just, I didn't mean… I-I’m not—”
“I don't know why!” Ralsei’s voice rips from her(???) throat, curling in as her hands clench tight– claws with chipped nail polish dig into skin, not drawing blood, but… fizzling the matter of her flesh, like weightless dust leaking out of an injured monster.
“I don't know, a-and it's scary that I don’t— I don't even know why it matters, o-or why I feel that way, i-it’s just… It's something I feel, deep, deep in my hollow core. A-And I don't know why it hurts so bad, but… it does. A-And it's confusing, because, I… I’ve never minded… being a prince. But there's… this yearning in me, still. That is so, so painful.” Ralsei’s hands tremble. Susie abides the need to reach out and take them. When she finds Ralsei's gaze behind foggy glass, it's distant.
“I can't… I can't be a prince and a princess… a-at the same time… right? That's not how it works. That's never been how it works. I don't know what I want. I don't know, I– I don't know…”
Ralsei weeps. It hurts just as much, if not more than last night. Yeah, it was still her fault, but at least then she knew how to help. She feels completely lost here.
She… removes Ralsei’s glasses, thumbing tears from fluffy cheeks. Wet, miserable eyes look back at her. “Hey… Rals, it's okay, don’t… For real, I didn't mean to… to shoot you down.” For once, it's quite easy to soften her tone. “It's okay. You're okay.”
As hapless sobs bubble up, she pulls them (them feels safe, for now, she thinks) close to her again. Her shoulder grows damp with tears. Ralsei’s own shoulders shake as if shivering from the cold. It's all she can do to wrap her arms around them, so tight it might drive away anything that can hurt them as they cry. Her heart aches and aches and aches in her chest. She wants to rip it out of her and throw it away, it hurts so bad. But she's no stranger to staying strong for her friends, by now. It's what she's good for. It's all she wants.
Minutes stretch into painful hours as Ralsei wails. Through it all, Susie never loosens her hold.
Cries die down into whimpers and muttered apologies. Susie doesn't accept any of them, and instead runs her hand up and down their back to tell them, over and over, that it's all okay. It seems to calm them more, at least.
Susie is practically cradling them now, their cheek pressed tiredly into her tear-filled shoulder. There's an urge to rock back and forth with them that she does not follow through on. Ralsei would probably appreciate it, but she’d feel weird about it. She can be a coward too, sometimes, so sue her.
Still, Susie finds herself confused. But not really in the same way. Ralsei being a princess makes perfect sense to her, always has. Now, she's just confused as to why they don't feel the same.
She thinks of what they said. That it's not how it works. They're always saying stuff like that, and never telling her why. Well, she wants to know why. “Why can’t you?”
Ralsei sniffles grossly, though she doubts they have the heart to feel embarrassed about it right now. Their head lifts slowly, breath hitching lightly, still. “Wh– What…?”
“Who says you can't be a prince and a princess?” Susie asks. “The prophecy? Thought we were done listening to that crap.”
Ralsei giggles tearfully, the sound interspersed with quiet sniffs. Susie matches it, her mouth quirked a bit too much to one side. It still hurts, a little. But it’s okay to hurt.
“You can be whatever the hell you wanna be.” She says. “Especially here.”
Ralsei wipes tears and snot on their sleeve. Gross 2! Susie snickers to herself. “H-Here… in the Dark World?”
“No, dumbass, with me. And Kris, and Lancer, and everyone else. And Noelle, eventually, too!” Her first real smile in a while. Makes her cheeks hurt. (Again with the hurt! Does it ever go away? No, she thinks, no it doesn't. But again, it's okay.) “You can just be Ralsei. Like how I’m just Susie.”
Ralsei huffs, obnoxiously fond. “Hah… there is no just Susie, you’re… you're wonderful.”
“Hey, that's funny, I feel the same about you!” She counters before she can get embarrassed. She watches Ralsei’s cheeks flare up instead. Win! “So I’m on board with whatever you wanna do. Or be. Or not be. Or whatever. And… if you change your mind, or even… become someone else, or something. I’ll be here. Kris’ll be here. And you know we’re not going anywhere. Yeah?”
Ralsei’s eyes are wet enough that she thinks they might cry again. Which wouldn't be the worst, but that's not really the answer she's hoping for. Instead, Ralsei palms their tears away, warming in a familiar, gentle smile. “Yeah.” They answer, finally content.
Thank god. Actually thank god. She feels like she just climbed a grueling mountain, but the view at the top is so worth it. Worth a million more climbs.
“So…” Susie hums, “What are you feeling like right now? Prince, princess? Secret third thing? Nothing? Certified fluffball?”
Ralsei laughs, a real, bright, genuine laugh, and she's so endeared by the noise that she noogies them immediately. She might have a bit of cute aggression. How can she not, when their laughter is the taste of tart cotton candy shared at a fair? The feeling of a victory long overdue, a beaming smile as a screen shines upon its winner? A glance, a wordless exchange of faith against a setting sun— a promise?
…Damn. This is humiliating. She really has gotten soft.
She can hardly complain, though.
Recovering from the vicious attack, Ralsei pushes her hand away, snuffling. “I… I don't know yet. Not for sure.” They say. “B-But I think… as long you and Kris are beside me… I can figure it out.”
Of course. Where else would she be?
“We got you, man.” She says, going to noogie them again before stopping, eyes wide. “Or, uh, shit— girl? Dude? Do you, like, care what I call you? Cuz I can call you whatever you want. Y’know, just tell me.”
Another light giggle, paw placed primly in front of their smile. There they are. “It’s okay. I’ll figure that out, too. As long as you can still call me your friend.”
Susie grins, lighting with joy. “Pssh! Well, yeah, princess.” Ralsei blushes, grin mirroring her own, and melts. Like a soft little nerd sundae. So embarrassing.
She could stay here forever, in her dream come true. “Always.”