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The hardest thing for someone like August was the concept of unconditional love. A constant state of gloom circled his head like a never-ending nightmare. Each day his excruciating life was dragged out, he felt like his now non-existent heart was being torn to pieces. To August, there was no redemption, there was no living, there was simply an agonizing existence, searching for something he knew he’d never have nor deserved.
Or at least, that’s what he thought.
Because despite everything, here he was sitting at your couch, watching you intently as you hummed a tune with a peaceful smile on your face that he can only dream of achieving, as your hands delicately worked to ready dinner for the two of you. Now you had another mouth to feed along with yourself. Not that August necessarily needed to eat, but the domesticity of it made it all the more worthwhile.
You were oblivious to your shadow’s racing mind, his brows furrowing deeply. What’s gotten into him to be so docile? When did the dynamics switch up? When did he relinquish control and let you have your way with him? He was the one currently invading your space, but your presence invaded his very mind and soul.
And yet as he watched you gracefully move, all he wanted was to be yours. He clutched at the armchair where his hand rested, suddenly overcome with emotions that made his chest tighten. He swallowed what felt like bile rising in his throat. He had been the nightmare you’ve been dealing with up to this point, you did everything in your power to get rid of him. You’ve taken countless of pills that did nothing but only worsen your migraines and agitate him. He held power over you, he terrorized you, you were his toy…
‘August.’
And now, he’s the one who was afraid. Afraid that he’ll slip and ruin everything once again, for he was destructive in nature, and anything he got his hands on would he torn apart at his finger tips. For once, he felt like he belonged. For once, he had found peace, and the realization that all of it could be taken away from him in a snap of a finger tortured him.
“August?”
The man’s eyes snapped open. His pupils were blown wide in their creepy fashion. His head snapped to look in your direction. You placed your hands on your waist, feigning an irritated look.
“If you’re gonna keep visiting me like this the least you can do is help me around here, yeah?”
The shadow man didn’t say anything for a moment, for the first time, he was too far in his own head to quip back. He didn’t seem in the mood to be a menace to you today. His eyes darted around frantically, unsure what they’re even looking for. Then he saw it; that orange shine of a bottle of pills. The same ones he’s made you overuse to the point you’ve grown numb to. You still kept them around regardless, even knowing that they hardly work to keep him away.
He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. You raised an eyebrow at his unresponsiveness. It’s true that he was usually really quiet, but today he seemed almost odd. You sat down at the unoccupied side of the couch as you craned your neck to look up at him. Curse his incredible height, even when he was sat down he still stood as tall as a mountain. Your eyes carefully scanned his face, although it lacked any features.
“Are you… there? You’re trying to scare me again, aren't you?”
“Liebe…”
He finally uttered out, his voice lower than usual, almost sounding exhausted. Alas, the nickname and the tone of his voice made you straighten up in your seat. His gaze lingered on you for a minute before it turned away to look at nothing. “You don’t love me… Do you?”
His question came as a surprise to you, it’s been a while since the two of you had this conversation, especially since the two of you have passed your initial complications. You’ve accepted your love for him already, and made sure to let him know, so why was he asking this again now?
A faint, concerned smile appeared on your face as you laughed, “Why would you say that?”
The sound of your soft laughter echoed in his mind as he replied, “You shouldn’t.”
“What?” you asked in surprise.
“I should leave.”
“August, what are you talking about?
“I shouldn’t be here.”
You saw in his eyes he contemplated vanishing before you, but before he could disappear, you placed your hand over his bigger, calloused one. You could’ve sworn his eyes widened in surprise briefly.
“What’s gotten into you, Sugar? Why are you saying stuff like this?”
August cleared his throat at the petname then went quiet again, unsure of what to say. His vulnerability was beginning to peak its head out of his voided surface, and the thought of that made his stomach churn. ‘Love’ had to be earned, and so far he felt like he’s done nothing but turn your life into hell. He didn’t think he deserved an ounce of your affection, yet here you were, touching his dark, bloodied hand with your pure soft ones. The way your skin contrasted against his made him shudder, where yours was full of life, his was merely a shadow of a man who never learned to live.
You saw the doubt in his visible eye and it ignited something within you. You felt both sympathetic yet gleeful to know your presence was affecting him so much.
You waited for him to continue.
“You should’ve never loved a man like me. Don’t you know? I’ll ruin you. Hell, I already have.” he muttered. There was a hint of sadness in his voice, like he was man who’s lost everything in life already. “That’s why you still keep those pills, is that it? You want to get rid of me still. You’re still scared of me… You think I’ll hurt you, don’t you?”
Your brows furrowed with worry as you watched him rub at his forehead in frustration and clutch his hair, his eyes avoiding your own like the plague. “It’s because you know I’ll keep hurting you. I’ve tormented you, I’ve torn you apart, why would you want me here? What is there to love about someone like me?”
You always knew he was unstable, that part was obvious. He was a walking wreck of violent emotions. No amount of spirit hardening he endured all those years could stop the human being inside of him from crying out.
You immediately and effectively shut him up as soon as you began straddling his lap. You took his face into your hands, his pupils shrank as they locked onto yours. Up close, you could peer into his shadowy form and see his features better, noticing the way he swallowed.
“What’s there to love about you, you say?” Your voice came out soft, nurturing, you cradled him in your soft hands like he was something precious, delicate, like porcelain. You felt the rough texture of his stubble beneath your fingertips as you lightly caressed his chin, feeling the tension slowly leaving his body.
“Well, for starter’s, I love the way your hands feel around my body when you hold me,” You punctuated by slowly grabbing his hands and placing them around your waist.
“I love the way you always search for me like you can't live without my presence,” You leaned forward a bit to press your forehead against his, noting the way his eyes widened up ever so slightly. “The way your chest start to rise and fall so quickly when I give you what you want,” As you smiled through your words, his breathing began to quicken.
“I love how devoted you are to me, how dedicated you are to earn my love. I love the way you protect me silently, thinking I didn’t notice you lurking from afar, and keeping all danger away from me.” You began wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders and brought him even closer. A shaky breath left his lips, you could feel the way his fingers were trembling on your skin, desperately wanting to sink into your flesh and become one with your soul. His eyes never left yours.
“I love the yearning in your eyes when you crave my affection, the way you melt when I call your name so softly.”
You grinned and began to leave a trail of kisses along his jawline, making his breath hitch. One of your hands went up into his hair, ruffling his pitch black locks beneath his top hat. You kissed his cheek, then the bridge of his nose, then his forehead, then his eyelid, then back to his cheek. Anywhere your lips reached, you left a kiss. And with each one, his skin felt like it burned. You could sense the way he was getting flustered even if you couldn’t see much of his face.
If he had a beating heart, it would be pounding outside of his chest right now.
Your hands came down to grab his, and you reluctantly peeled them off of your hips. You brought the back of his larger hands up to your lips and began kissing his knuckles, the tips of his fingers, then the inside of his palm gently.
“Schatzi…” he gasped quietly at your actions, his body trembling in anticipation. He was grateful that you couldn’t see his face properly, or else you’d see the way his cheeks burst into flames.
“I love that you trust me enough to be vulnerable with me like this right now…” You whispered in his ear softly then kissed his temple, bringing him down to a tight embrace. His arms quickly wrapped around your smaller body without hesitation and he buried his nose in the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent until he was high off of it. He stayed like that for a good while, just holding you so tightly, as if you’d disappear right before him if he let go. When you eventually pulled away to look at him again, his face was a lot more visible; with his brows knitted and his mouth opening and closing in search of something, anything to say, but couldn’t. His eyes looked into yours with so much longing, it made your chest nearly burst. He was putty in your hands.
Feeling proud of yourself over your lingering affect on him, you felt even bolder. Ignoring the way your own heart was jackhammering against your ribs. "What else... You're pretty handsome, and so so cute, I could just eat you up." You giggled mischievously.
"I love your long hair, your rough stubble, how tall and big you are." You rested your head on his shoulder with a slick smile across your face. Your fingers trailed up his forearm teasingly slow until they reached his hair, twirling your finger around his precious locks.
“Do you know what I love about you the most, though?”
August, who was hardly able to speak at this point, hummed at your question.
You smirked as you pressed yourself into him further and closed the distance between you; your lips against his cold ones. It ignited a fire in his chest. His hands shook, not sure where to place them as he kissed you back.
“I love how flustered you get beneath my touch, like you’re losing yourself in me.” Grinning, you slowly pulled away for a moment to admire the way his breathing got shakier, feeling him sigh blissfully. "Always so good to me, my sweet boy."
August stared at you for a minute with those hollow eyes of his, which were now filled with an overwhelming amount of love and desire for you instead. The more he stared at you so lovingly, the more embarrassed you were getting yourself. Your tried to pull away a bit, but before you could, August’s hand came up behind your head and pushed your lips back on his. Your eyes widened in surprise but you quickly gave in, realizing you were just as lost in him as he was in you.
Your hands desperately grabbed at his lapels, bringing him closer, and deepening the kiss. It was fiery—passionate, like every unspoken word, feeling and emotion was being poured into one other. His tongue entered your mouth and danced with yours, feeling every part of your being and clinging onto it. He wanted to breathe you in. If he could, he would blend into your skin. You mewled into the kiss as you felt him get more desperate, a growl rumbled from his chest in response.
He let you pull away briefly so you could breathe; both of you panting as a result of your fusion now. A string of saliva stretched between your lips, connecting you to each other. He was breathing heavily now, on the verge of breaking.
Oh, how delicious it was to see a man once full of dominance and power be reduced to such a wreck beneath you. It flared your ego up so high you could practically swim among the clouds. Nothing could pry your hands off him now.
Unable to hold back anymore, your teeth latched onto his neck suddenly, making him groan out in surprise. The feeling of your lips and your teeth grazing his skin turned his brain into mush, and all he could do was melt against the couch as you had your way with him.
“I love everything there is about you.” You felt him swallow thickly.
“Please, say that again.” He muttered.
“I love you.” Kiss.
“Again.”
“I love you.” And another kiss.
“Again…” He gasped airily.
“I love you, August.” You repeated over and over, and pulled away to look into his eyes again, your own cheeks flushed. You sighed, “I love you so so so much.”
“Oh my god.” His hands desperately clawed at your thighs to ground himself.
Pathetic.
He was utterly pathetic. Writhing beneath you. Wrapped around your dainty little finger like you’re his sole purpose of living. Hearing his name roll off your tongue in a tone full of endearment brought him nearly to tears. And god did it make your heart beat faster and faster for him, your skin was tingling like electricity was blitzing through your veins.
“…You have no idea what you do to me.” His worries were vanishing in real time, he felt imbued with your love and affection, reassurance. And even if he thought he didn’t deserve it, it didn’t matter, because you were there to teach him what it really meant to love and to be loved. And he couldn’t be happier to finally have something so precious in his arms that he can call his after his long endurance of agony and suffering. His world which was deprived of love was now full of it—full of you.
"You're insane." He grumbled, yet couldn't hide the smirk in his voice.
You giggled softly at that—he was definitely right. "Maybe, but I don't see you complaining, and neither am I."
And you were more than happy to remind him over and over again that you wanted nothing more than to live happily ever after by his side. Even if he was your sleep paralysis demon, he was your sleep paralysis demon that you loved with all of your heart.
He chuckled and cradled you in his large arms once more, pressing a long kiss against your forehead. “Ich liebe dich auch so sehr, mehr als ich jemals zeigen kann.”