Chapter Text
Jake “Hangman” Seresin always woke up early and, most of the time, alone.
He preferred it that way.
Growing up, getting up early would mean a chance to have somewhat of a breakfast if he could sneak in the kitchen before his foster parents were up. Never mind that he would sometimes pay the price for it when he got back home from school - if he hadn’t properly cleaned up the evidence of his breakfast. His foster father would wait for him at the porch, belt in hand to punish him for “stealing food”. Even so, going through the first part of the day with a bit of food in his stomach always seemed worth it.
Joining the Navy first chance he got, at 17, the habit of waking up early only intensified.
Waking up alone, on the other hand, had nothing to do with the Navy.
Well, almost nothing.
Sure, his work wasn’t the most compatible with a family life, but he knew a few colleagues that made it work, it just demanded a lot of determination and attention. Things that Jake wasn’t sure he was ready to commit to just yet.
He did want to have a family someday if he could do it right.
See, he had never known his parents, and maybe growing up feeling unwanted had been the thing that had fucked him up. Or one of the things, at least…
The idea of having kids without being able to give them his best made him deeply uncomfortable.
Or maybe he was just too selfish and these were all excuses.
Hangman liked to think of himself as a “no strings attached” kind of guy.
He hadn’t had much of a choice about it growing up. So one day, after discovering that his personality and attitude weren’t exactly friendship material at the Academy, he decided that if he were to be ostracized and disliked - hated even, it would always be on his terms.
It had hurt at first, he had always dreamed of forming great friendships or even better, brotherhoods to fill the void of his missing family.
He had always been an outcast at school, due to being the poor kid nobody wanted, so he had completely romanticized joining the Navy and the belonging that supposedly came with it - if one could trust the recruitment ads.
After Flight School, he had been posted to his first carrier and met his new squadron, the Vigilantes. Needless to say, his asshole personality hadn’t won him any points with them.
But what had been annoyance had turned to full blown anger and hatred that had made way to verbal and then physical violence after he had gotten his first air to air kill.
His wingman had died in the altercation, and, even if Hangman had been cleared of any wrongdoing, rumors had spread that he had left the other pilot as bait to then come take the kill.
That couldn’t have been further from the truth but, given everything going on with his squadron and the fact that people were always eager to assume the worst, his callsign was finally born. (He hadn’t had any friends to give him one during Flight School.)
Hangman, the asshole who will lead you to an early grave.
His bad luck in the friendship department, finally turned around when he met Javy “Coyote” Machado at Top Gun.
Jake had been selected thanks to his promising skills in the air - even if a traitorous part of him wondered if his air to air kill had played a part in it.
Javy had taken one look at him and had decided that they would be friends, in spite of Hangman’s best efforts to keep the other pilot at arms length.
He really didn’t know what the other had seen in him, but they were both from Texas, so maybe that’s why Javy had decided to be his friend (that’s what Jake told himself to make sense of it, otherwise he’d go crazy).
What really surprised him was that Coyote had stayed by his side even when the other pilots selected had made sure that Javy knew about his reputation and the reason he had gotten his callsign.
He had still won the trophy. (Everyone, save for Coyote, hated him more for it.)
Then, back to the Vigilantes until the Uranium mission.
After the Mission, he had been surprised and very relieved to learn that the Dagger squadron was going to be made permanent with Maverick as their CO.
He still felt a bit at odds with the rest of the team due to… the interpersonal difficulties that had become apparent during practice leading up to the Mission, but anything would be better than his old squad. At least the Daggers didn’t seem like the kind of people to express their hatred with their fists.
Well, Rooster almost had done so during training but Hangman would never hold it against him. He now truly felt bad about bringing up the other’s dead dad. That had been a dick move. What had made it worse had been the look of pure sadness on Maverick’s face.
(Jake still hadn’t apologized, he figured that avoiding the two men was the best solution to his guilt problem.)
So yeah, needless to say, even if Jake had somewhat redeemed himself by saving the duo at the end of the mission (he was just doing his job), he still felt inadequate within the group.
Thankfully Javy was here, but his friend had quickly grown popular and Jake felt bad because he didn’t want to hold him back from any friendships.
He still tried to go to team gatherings once in a while to keep Coyote off his back but always left early. It was better this way. They all knew what kind of person he was and he doubted that their opinion on him would change anytime soon.
How could he undo years and years of bad behavior?
Screw that, he didn’t know if he even wanted things to change.
Things were fine the way they were, thank you very much. He hadn’t needed anyone since his birth so he certainly didn’t need a group of people who probably hated his guts but didn’t care to make it too obvious in the name of “group cohesion” or another bullshit.
He had tried with a few of them at the Academy - Rooster and Phœnix mainly, when he had been 17 and just looking for friends to bond with. Look where that had brought him… he’d rather not think about it.
So, when Jake woke up alone in his room and early because he hadn’t gone to a team gathering the night before he felt great. Truly.
It was a weekday but no ops were scheduled because they would be given their next assignment and the paperwork that came with it, hence the party the night before.
He had to be in the ready room in two hours and a half so that gave him plenty of time to get ready for the day.
Changing in a set of workout clothes, he decided to go to the base’s gym to clear his head.
It was just his luck that walking from his housing unit to his destination he ran into Rooster, apparently going to the exact same place as him. Fuck. So much for avoiding him.
“Hey Hangman! What are you doing here so early?”
Jake rolled his eyes.
“I could ask you the same question, Rooster. And it’s not even that early. It’s six.”
The other seemed nonplussed by his response.
“Okay, well, if you had been there last night, you’d agree that six is early. Come on, let’s go.”
“Let’s go?”
It was Rooster’s turn to roll his eyes.
“You’re headed to the gym aren’t you?”
Words to deny it almost formed on his tongue, but he held them. Geared up like he was, he couldn’t really deny where he was headed, and as much as he didn’t want to spend time alone with Bradshaw, denying it would just make him look like an idiot. Or like someone who’s trying really hard to avoid the rest of the squad, and Jake didn’t want to have this kind of drama on his hands - even if it was true.
He just nodded his head and the pair resumed their walk in silence.
When they arrived, he gestured with his hand for the other pilot to go first.
“Alright. After you.”
“Thanks.”
The gym was deserted.
Jake was relieved when they each went to their own devices and worked out in silence. After an hour and a half, he decided to wrap it up and go prepare himself for the day and maybe get some breakfast.
Bradshaw had apparently already left without him noticing. Good.
However, when he entered the shower area, Rooster was there, quickly drying himself and getting dressed. Great.
“Hey, do you want to get some food ? I’m going to meet the others at the cafeteria.”
For the second time since this morning, Jake felt stuck. He hated that.
But this time, he wouldn’t go down so easily.
“Uh… I’m good, thank you. I need to go back to my room, finish preparing myself for the day.”
Rooster didn’t seem too surprised by the other’s refusal, but Jake could’ve sworn he had seen something akin to disappointment pass on his face. So fast that Hangman assumed he had surely imagined it.
“Oh… alright, feel free to drop by after you’re done.”
With that, he left and Jake was relieved to be the only one in the showers.
His upbringing in foster care and his time with the Vigilantes had left many scars on his body, mainly on his back and chest - areas that he could, thankfully, easily hide. He felt very self conscious about them, he always made sure that nobody saw them - checking that he was alone in the locker room to get changed or insisting to be “shirts” during dogfight football.
Even Javy didn’t know about them. He knew that Jake had been raised in foster care but that was it.
Jake could never bring himself to talk about it to anyone. The idea of appearing weak to anyone was too much to bear.
In the shower, his thoughts drifted back to Rooster and his insistence to make Jake feel included.
Ever since the Mission, it was like Maverick and him had decided that Hangman had to be part of the group, no matter how reluctant the latter was.
He really didn’t know what to make of it.
The problem was, the more he tried to push them away, the more they tried to bring him in.
Rooster and Hangman were supposed to hate each other and, after what he had said about the death of Maverick’s former RIO, the old man should hate him as well.
Sure, he had saved their lives.
But that couldn’t excuse everything that had happened between them!
Taking a breath, Jake decided to put this issue on the back burner. Thinking too much about it wouldn’t bring anything good.
He would just stick to his plan : go to the least amount of squad outings possible, not to blend with the group, and not even try to make witty comments or remarks that could be interpreted as jokes or attempts to fit in.
Remain as professional and composed as possible.
Mav and Rooster would eventually get the memo - most of the squad already did - and stop trying.
Getting out and drying himself, he then put on his uniform, that he had brought with him. Yes, he technically didn’t need to go back to his housing unit. He had lied to Rooster, okay?
Well, now that he knew that the others were at the cafeteria, he did need to go back to get some coffee at least, so much for breakfast…
At least, he would be able to get rid of his gym bag.
After getting back and gulping down an instant coffee that tasted like mud, he took a quick look at his watch. Eight.
He had fifteen minutes so he decided to go.
He liked being early.
The corridors of the building were silent as he strode toward the ready room. Looking through the doorframe, he seemed to be the first one. Perfect.
But as he got inside, he came face to face with Maverick. The universe had to be laughing at him, because why would he find himself alone with people he’s been trying to avoid twice in a row?
“Hello lieutenant, early as usual I see.”
The captain said with a smile.
Jake really didn’t want to make small talk.
“Hello sir.”
Not sensing that the other wasn’t in a talkative mood or not caring about it, Maverick went on.
“Hey, I noticed that you weren’t there last night. Everything alright?”
The blond took a breath.
“Everything’s good, sir. I had… stuff.” He gave the captain a smile. But because he suddenly decided to be difficult, he added. “I didn’t realize that Hard Deck meetings were mandatory.”
Maverick sighed a little.
“Of course they’re not. We all would have loved to see you there, that’s all.”
Before Jake could stop himself, he scoffed.
“Yeah, that’s right, of course.”
The other frowned instantly.
“Why would you-“
“Hello Captain!”
Jake was quite literally saved by the gong as the other pilots began entering the room, greeting their CO.
Maverick shot him a look that seemed to tell him that this conversation wasn’t over, but didn’t push. For now.
“Alright ladies and gentlemen. Take a seat. We have a lot on our agenda today. I’ll let the Air Boss get started.”
Cyclone, who Jake hadn’t seen come in, went forward.
“Good morning aviators, hope you’ve enjoyed your time stateside because your next assignment is going to take place on the USS Enterprise stationed near the North Sea. No particular mission yet, just reaffirming our presence to our allies in the region. You’ll be there for approximately three months.”
Some groans and sighs could be heard. Not everyone liked to be stationed on a carrier for months on end.
Not paying attention, Cyclone continued.
“What will be interesting about this deployment is that we’ll take this opportunity to have you conduct joint training and operations with another squadron.”
Now that seemed to please the group more. Since all the Daggers initially came from other squads, they had friends everywhere in the Navy - except Jake of course, and the prospect of seeing some of them was well received.
Fanboy instantly raised his hand.
“Sir, which squadron will we be stationed with?”
The admiral fixed him with a look for the interruption.
“Thank you for your question lieutenant, I was just about to get to that.”
The WSO looked a bit embarrassed.
“My apologies, sir.”
Cyclone seemed conciliated and continued.
“You will be stationed with the Vigilantes. I believe some of you have already worked with them in the past.”
Hangman felt all the blood leave his face followed by a ringing in his ears.
He couldn’t pay attention to what was said next.
No. No. No.
That couldn’t be possible.
This had to be a nightmare.