Chapter Text
Insomnia, a common disorder known for not letting people sleep, waking them up early causing daytime fatigue, low energy, sometimes irritation and unbearable headaches. A known enemy to half of the world’s population that never truly goes away, always lingering in your head, making its place, making sure it’s known even when you think that maybe, just mauve it’s all over. Unfortunately, insomnia is never truly gone and that’s something people just got used to, since that’s what makes them sleep better at night.
There are acute diagnoses, of course. But for Hanjin, his insomnia feels like a part of him ever since he turned 10. It appeared one day out of the blue and stayed there ever since. He doesn’t even remember the last time he properly slept, the last time he woke up not feeling like straight shit.
It affects much more daily life than seen on paper. It’s not just stress, it’s much more. He barely has times for friends, hence why he only has a few now. He’s always sleepy which resulted in having many friends leave him since he was “too boring”
But he couldn’t even help it, it just came naturally. And no matter what medicine he used, the therapies he tried, nothing ever helped.
Already in his second year of college, he practically gave up on having a social life, it wasn’t worth the effort he put in to keep at least a few friends. His one and only friend was Jihoon, a little annoying, but an angel in human form. And despite having only one friend, he liked it that way.
….
New faces welcomed Hanjin in February, some looking eager to learn, while others not so much. It was normal, completely normal, Hanjin himself looked like his soul was sucked out of him when he stepped foot for the first time in what would be his new college.
Now, college is his only highlight of the day. Meeting Jihoon, learning about things that actually interested him. It was fun.
The walk from his dorm to the college wasn’t long, 15 minutes max. There was no annoying commute, traffic. Just the sound of his feet mixing in with the ground muting his thoughts out completely.
“Leave me alone Yujin, i told you we’re done! Why won’t you ever listen to me?” a frustrated voice rang out making Hanjin stop walking.
“But Kyungmin, i love you!”
“I don’t care Yujin, you don’t get to cheat on me then come begging for forgivness. I am done with you.” Just then, an echo of what seemed to be a slap rang out making Hanjin react without thinking.
A black haired boy was holding his cheek with nothing but pure hatred in his eyes while across from him, a red haired boy had his fists clenched.
Before thinking, Hanjin spoke, loud and clear. “Look, i don’t know what happened but you” he said pointing at the second boy “need to chill out” he took the other boys hand and just dragged him from the scene into a quieter alley.
“Are you okay?” he asked, voice losing all the anger from moments ago.
The boy looked at him and just nodded. “Lee Kyungmin.”
“Hanjin or Han Zhen, call me whatever you want, i don’t care.”
“Thank you for helping me out of that uncomfortable situation Hanjin.” Kyungmin said with a big smile on his face despite the visible hurt in his eyes. “It’s nothing, i just happened to pass by.”
“Which way are you going?” Hanjin asked politely.
“Today was supposed to be my first day at 247 university, psychology major.” Kyungmin replied, the smile never leaving his face. And no matter how much Hanjin wanted to deny it, that was the most beautiful smile ever.
“Well that’s good news since i’m a second year there.” Hanjin returned the smile as best as he could.
“Oh my God, im so sorry i just called you by your name earlier.” Kyungmin bowed while panicking and apologising over and over.
“No worries, don’t beat yourself over it so much, now let’s go”
…
Hanjin entered college with Kyungmin trailing behind him like a lost puppy. “Wow, it’s huge.”
Near the entrance, Jihoon waited with two beverages and a pastry. “Hanjin, who’s that behind you?” he asked, smirking a little. “It’s Kyungmin” Hanjin stopped for a moment, “a friend of mine.” Hanjin looked at Kyungmin and a barely visible smile formed on his face.
“I am Han Jihoon, history major, just like this zombie here.” Jihoon introduced himself, and of course made a joke about Hanjin. But it was normal harmless banter between them as usual.
“Lee Kyungmin, psychology major.”
“Okay Kyungmin, you’re officially adopted by us and you can’t escape, understood?” Jihoon said, a big smile on his face.
“Yay”
…
Hanjin returned to his dorm room feeling quite okay? It was the first time ever he didn’t drop straight on his bed as usual. He actually had the energy to do something other than try to sleep.
What the fuck? Am i dying? He thought to himself, but he was very much alive.
A soft knock was heard from the outside which was very unusual, ever since his roommate dropped out of college, he had been alone.
“Hyung, can i come in?” A familiar voice said and Hanjin immediately opened the door. Kyungmin, eyes glassy, stood in front of his door, clutching his shirt like it was the only thing holding him together before he completely fell apart.
“Kyungmin, what happened?” Hanjin asked, immediately ushering Kyungmin inside and closing the door.
Kyungmin didn’t say much for some minutes, just stared straight ahead. “It’s okay Kyungmin, if you don’t want to talk, it’s okay, just lean on me.” Hearing that, Kyungmin slowly scooted closer to Hanjin and rested his head on his shoulder.
“The person from this morning was my ex.” Kyungmin said quietly, his body shaking slightly, but the words coming out of his mouth were steady. “I'm not going into details just now, but we're together in a dorm room and I don't know what to do.”
Kyungmin lifted his head from Hanjin's shoulder to look at him and his expression was soft, caring.
“We'll find a way Kyungmin, i don't know how yet nor i don't know what he did to you but I'll pull some strings, i promise.” Hanjin just patted Kyungmin's head slightly and let his shoulder get completely covered by Kyungmin's silent tears.
Hanjin's heart was breaking, he didn't even know Kyungmin for a solid day but his gut told him he needed to take care of this pure soul.
…
He woke up to Kyungmin sleeping soundly beside him. Last night, Kyungmin pleaded to stay here with Hanjin and he agreed of course.
At first it was weird, sleeping with someone, but they already removed the second bed this dorm room had. So it was just one lonely bed that he and Kyungmin had to share.
But Hanjin, he wasn't complaining at all. He slept through the whole night for the first time since he turned 10.
Kyungmin stirred slightly, looking cute while still being asleep.
“Good morning” Hanjin said, gently shaking Kyungmin's shoulder.
Kyungmin looked up, a flicker of surprise caught in his expression but then recognition and remembering took over and he let out a satisfied sigh.
“Thank you hyung, and I'm so sorry to invade your personal space.” His voice was small, quiet, like he learnt to speak like that and it broke Hanjin's heart.
“No worries Kyungmin, whatever you need.”
Kyungmin went to take a shower. It was supposed to be normal. But for Hanjin it completely wasn't.
Saekkisongarak gеon geu yaksogeul neonеun gieokalkka?
I can see
Byeorui moksorireul ttara
Hamkke noraehaneun neowa na
Seororeul gieokal yeongwonui noraenmal
Song of the stars, the stars with you
His already soft and gentle voice was even more softer when he sang. It sounded beautiful, like something he had never heard.
It made him sleepy, it brought him comfort.
Kyungmin was really a special person.
Hanjin listened to Kyungmin singing in the shower, completely abandoning his earlier duties. Whatever he had it could wait, but this might be the last time he heard Kyungmin's beautiful voice so he wanted to treasure it, as long as he could.
Kyungmin came out of the shower, completely oblivious to what Hanjin was doing the whole time he was taking his sweet time in the shower.
What took Hanjin off guard wasn't just Kyungmin's incredible singing, but the number of bruises his torso was covered in. He chose not to mention anything about it now even though it was already eating him alive.
Should i praise him? No Zhen, that would sound weird, right? Fuck
“Hyung, are you thinking about something or just fighting the demons inside your head?” That earned a genuine chuckle from Hanjin.
“Both honestly. And by the way, i didn't mean to eavesdrop, but your voice is really nice.”
Kyungmin's face flushed, Hanjin couldn't tell if that was because he just came out of the shower or because he's shy.
“Thanks hyung.”
…
After hundred more “thanks” from Kyungmin, they were finally entering college. There weren't many people since it was early but Hanjin came for an entirely different reason.
“Kyungmin, go to your class I'll stay here, text me when you finish, okay?”
“Yeah.”
Hanjin climbed the impossible stairs to the dorm coordinator. It wasn't anyone unknown to him. Choi Youngjae, a person well known but unknown to the whole college. It may seem like everything's perfect in his life, but unfortunately that's not the truth.
“Youngjae hyung!” Hanjin jogged over to him pulling him into a tight hug.
“Hanjin what brings you here?”
“You need to separate Lee Kyungmin and Han Yujin from eachother.”
Hanjin leaned in and whispered the next sentence “from what i know Yujin is abusive and among all other negative things. So please put Lee Kyungmin in my room.”
Hearing Hanjin's plea, Youngjae started typing something in the school computer, it felt like hours. But the smile on Youngjae's face already said everything Hanjin needed to know.
…
Having no classes today, Hanjin returned to his dorm room. Until a second bed arrives, he and Kyungmin would have to share a bed. It's nothing bad right?
kyungmin:
hyung
im done
hanjin:
wait for a few more seconds I'm coming
After a few minutes Hanjin arrived in front of Kyungmin. Kyungmin looked exhausted, his eyes weren't sparkly as from this morning, they were tired.
“Did, something happen?” Hanjin asked carefully. Kyungmin stayed silent and just started walking.
It's better if i let him naturally open up to me. Hanjin thought as he walked a little faster to catch up with Kyungmin.
When they entered the dorm room Kyungmin just collapsed on his bed he couldn't take it anymore. The tears fell before he knew it and wouldn't stop.
“I don't want to come back” he kept repeating between sobs, shaking at every word said out loud. Hanjin came closer and sat next to Kyungmin, not doing anything, just letting Kyungmin know he'd always have a safe space to retreat to after everything becomes too much.
“Hyung” Kyungmin said, not looking at anything in particular.
“I don't think i can continue going to this university. Everything's too much, having to see him everyday, sharing a room with him.”
Hearing that, Hanjin patted Kyungmin lightly on his back.
“Well, i pulled some strings and you're my roommate now.” A small smile tugged at his lips as he talked.
Kyungmin's head raised so fast, his eyes returning the spark they had this morning. It was a beautiful sight.
“Thank you so much hyung” Kyungmin stood up and properly hugged Hanjin, only to pull away immediately with flushed cheeks and hurt in his eyes.
“Sorry, i didn't even ask you for permission.” Kyungmin sat as far away as he could, not looking Hanjin in the eyes.
“Kyungmin, you don't even the permission to hug me or anyone.” His heart was breaking in pieces, whatever Yujin done to Kyungmin left a permanent dent on Kyungmin's heart, it wasn't just the cheating or the abuse it was much more and Hanjin swore he'll do anything to make him pay.
“Now come here and hug me again.”