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“The Soft Breeze I Remember”

Summary:

Harua finds his purpose in life through an unlikely spirit.

Notes:

HIII
I posted this in tumblr as well and it didn’t do well so here we are

Very very brief hints of suicide so please read with caution ( I kept it very short and not detailed )

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —
   They say interwoven souls are a profound spiritual and emotional bond between two people. When paths cross by the trick of fate, it opens a new sense of vulnerability for Shigeta Harua. Although he was once so angry at the world, he found a reason to stay. He never really believed in soul ties, not until he met Riki.

  Harua was in his first year of college when he noticed the feeling. An unfamiliar presence often crowded his space. He tried to ignore it at first, believing it was just his imagination. However, the presence lingered all over. It was gentle and cordial. Although it was unfamiliar, he didn’t turn it away. Eventually he approached it. It started with small things. Like lingering in a room a moment longer when he felt it. Or trying to show he noticed it. Even though he wasn’t sure what he was looking for.

  Harua grew content with this feeling. He didn’t want the warmth to leave. So he kept quiet until it was ready to show itself. Harua was never a spiritual person, he found it hard to believe spirits lingered after passing. He believed they simply just faded. It was silly to think the warmth surrounding him could be any thing spiritual. Yet the thought stayed.

  He tried lighting candles, burning cleansing negative energy, and even praying. He wasn’t sure why he did it. But if there truly was a spirit amoung him, he’d hope it was nice. With time he began to believe. Maybe by some chance there was a spirit here, in his home, watching over him with a warmth he had grown accustomed to.
  — ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —
  It wasn’t until one afternoon the presence finally showed. 
  Harua had a rough day. He failed his first exam that was worth half his grade. Then he got soaked in the rain, forgetting his umbrella at home. The overwhelming stress and lack of sleep had finally caught up to him. He laid in bed trying to calm down, but he couldn’t stop the faucet of tears that came with it. Harua didn’t cry, it wasn’t a trait of his. But for some reason he couldn’t stop. Tears spilled from his eyes as he pulled his legs closer to his chest.

  Suddenly that warm sensation filled the room. Only this time it felt closer, as if it was settling right next to him. “If you’re really there could you leave? This is embarrassing.” he mumbled into the pillow. For a moment the room felt still and lifeless, before he heard a soft voice speak up. “I think I should stay. You shouldn’t be alone right now.” Harua stilled briefly. He had never gotten a response before, why now?

  He sat up gently as he glanced around his room. He spotted the presence lingering near his bed. He was tall and he looked kind. The boy gave a soft smile that melted Harua’s heart. The two sat in silence for what felt like eternity.

  “You’re real then? You aren’t just someone I’ve made up?” Harua’s gaze never left the boy in front of him. He looked young, maybe a few years younger than himself. He certainly didn’t look like a spirit. Then again, how would Harua know? The boy leaned forward, placing himself on the bed. He smiled and Harua noticed his dimples. “I’m very real Rua. You’ve just been denying my presence here.” He sighed softly as he gently reached to wipe Harua’s tears away.

 That was the first time Harua met the spirit.

— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —

   Harua began to grown accustomed to him. He learned the spirits name and his purpose for being there. “Spirits are supposed to cross over. I just haven’t found a reason to yet.” the boy explained. “When a spirit is lost, they cannot complete the ritual. Crossing over means they finally fulfilled their purpose.”

    Harua continued writing in his journal as he listened to Maki. “So do some spirits automatically crossover? I mean what if they fulfilled their purpose while alive?” He asked him as he sat down his pen.
   He listened to Maki for another half hour. Eventually his eyes fell heavy and he found himself asleep. He rested on Maki’s shoulder. For the first time in a while, Harua found himself well rested.

— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —
  Over time, the two formed a more emotional connection. Their bond was intense and overwhelming at times. Harua often asked questions about what Maki’s life was like before he passed. Maki finally caved one night and lead Harua to an old cemetery.

  “I believe a tombstone can speak volumes about someone.” Maki said as he sat down infront of one. The stone read: “Riki Wilhelm Mauss - 2/17/2006-2/17/2025”. Harua stared at the stone before sitting next to him. “So you’ve been stuck as a spirit for this long? Have you tried finding a way to cross over?” he asked gently. He knew it was dumb to ask. Obviously Maki had tried, it just didn’t work.  
  The two settled into comfortable silence, simply enjoying each other's warmth.
Eventually Harua spoke up, “There’s no flowers. Don’t your parents still visit?” Maki looked at the grave infront of him. A pang went through his chest. “There’s never any flowers. My parents passed away a few months before I did. And I never had friends who cared to visit.” Harua’s gaze fell on the boy next to him. He looked so small in the moment, vulnerable. “Well I can change that. I’ll bring flowers everyday. That way they never wilt.” he said with a soft smile.
— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —
  In the months Harua and Maki spent together, they had grown attached. Maki knew this couldn’t stay like this forever, but selfishly, he chose to keep showing himself to the boy. For the first time in years, Maki finally felt seen.
  “You know you never told me how you died. I’ve been trying to guess but nothing seems right.” Harua said, laying next to Maki. The two had been gazing at the stars for hours. It was a peaceful escape from the real world. Maki sighed softly, “It was of my own accord. I was reckless and I made a mistake, but it felt like the most freeing thing I had ever done.” It fell silent, and for a brief moment, all they could hear were the crickets chirping.

  “Do you regret it?” Harua was now facing him, really taking his time to look at him. “Hm, I don’t think I do? My life was miserable before I met you. I guess in a way it’s better like this.” he turned to face Harua. The two stayed like this, simply basking in each other's warmth. Harua leaned in and placed a hand on Maki’s face. He stared into his eyes as if if trying to read his mind. Before he gently placed a kiss on his lips, Maki sighed gently into it.

   They pulled away, taking a moment to breathe. Harua knew this would hurt more than any of his losses, and Maki knew that as well. Yet they stayed this way.

 — ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —

July

 

  Harua had recently finished his first semester of college. He had spent most of summer with Maki. He got to do things he always wanted to. And Maki got to experience things he never imagined he could. But that faint lingering feeling in his stomach stayed. One he recalled feeling the first time after Harua kissed him.

As night fell the two began their journey back home. It was a quiet night, only the faint buzzing of bugs and wind chimes could be heard. They stopped nearby to watch the sunset, Harua leaned on Maki’s shoulder. He didn’t want to forget such a beautiful moment. “Harua, I need to tell you something.” Maki’s voice broke him out of his trance, Harua looked up at him humming softly.

  “You’re someone I care a lot for. You’ve showed me a different side of myself. Harua, you helped me understand what it’s like to live. It’s a shame it took dying for me to finally feel that.” The air grew thicker, Maki continued, “I think you gave me purpose Rua. You showed me that I took my life for granted, that I should’ve lived more despite feeling how I did. I’m very grateful for that.” Harua just started at him. He took in his words and felt a knot in his chest.
  “Why are you telling me this now?” Harua knew why. He knew the inevitable truth had finally caught up to them. He tried to ignore the change between them in the past few weeks. He noticed Maki’s demeanor change. He noticed how time felt like it was slowly running out. Yet he pushed it away and continued to focus on the one thing that mattered.
  “You have a long life ahead of you Harua. I’m sorry I can’t stay to cheer you on, but I also can’t keep holding you back. I’ve lived my life finally. You helped me live. I was selfish to involve you in this knowing I couldn’t stay.” he reached for him, pulling him into a hug. “For knowing that all good things can’t stay forever, but I just wanted you. I wanted to know you, to love you, to take care of you. I think that was my purpose.”
  The hug felt suffocating and warm. The familiar warmth Maki once gave him was slowly taking over. And for the first time in years, Harua felt complete. Just as what made him whole had to leave. “I love you, Harua. Promise me you won’t forget me?” “I don’t think anyone could ever forget you.”
  As the breeze grew faster and the weight of the situation sunk in, Harua felt himself crying. He had never experienced such love in his life, and now it’s being wrongly taken away. He knew it was selfish to want Maki to stay, but god, did it hurt.

   “Thank you teaching me that life can feel so amazing
Riki Wilhelm Mauss had finally completed his journey,  and his spirit was set free to cross over.
— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —
August

  It had been over a month since Maki had crossed over. Since then he’d missed quite a few things. Harua made his first friend at college, got into the art program he had been working so hard for, learned how to drive finally, and learned how to cope with the loss.

  Harua kept his promise to Maki to always bring fresh flowers to his grave, he chose a new one everyday. He would sit by the stone and talk about his day. Harua hoped by some chance Maki was there on the other side, listening in and laughing at his dumb stories.

  Harua felt incomplete without Maki. His soul that was once interwoven, was now alone. He wasn’t sure if the feeling would ever go away, it lingered always. The warmth that once engulfed him was gone.
  One month without Maki. One month without the warmth. One month with an ache in his heart that never left.

One month learning to live life for Maki, as that’s all he ever wanted.
 — ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —

 

Notes:

THANK YOU FOR READING!!!