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- 2018 -
Being on tour was a great feeling. Seeing their fans in real life, making them laugh, creating memories with them and together. It was beautiful to witness that all their dumb videos weren't just them screaming into the void, no. They had an actual effect on people and made their lives even just a little bit lighter. From lovely comments, social media posts, to meeting them in real life and being told how much them doing this meant to all of these internet users.
Being on tour was also exhausting. For as much fun as they were having, it took a lot out of them. Especially out here, on the complete other side of the world, far away from their home in London. Which was why they sometimes also just appreciated the quiet moments. A chill evening in a hotel room. A walk through a city at nighttime. Or, in their current situation, a brief stop in a parking lot on the road between cities, grabbing dinner at an outback steakhouse in preparation for a long night of driving.
"Don't take too long boys!" Their tour manager said, briefly lifting his head up from his laptop. Dan waved him off and told the crew they'd take half an hour max. Phil was content with that. He was unbelievably tired and doubted he could hold out for much longer than an hour. Food, getting ready to sleep, and then some rest. That was his plan.
It was significantly cooler now than it had been just a few hours ago when they'd first gotten on the bus. Back there, the sun was still up. Now it was dark. And with a little bit of squinting, Phil could even make out a few stars high above them in the night sky. Which was nice, after having spent days upon days in cities where the light pollution was simply too much. Phil's staring got interrupted by a nudge to his shoulder. "You coming?" Dan asked. Phil shook his head and smiled, returning to the present and following his boyfriend towards the building. "Yea yea, I'm coming."
Both of them were slightly tense when they entered the steakhouse, which they always were when it came to interacting with other people. Especially those around their age or younger. Anyone could know them. And everything they did anywhere that could be considered 'the public' had a chance of ending up as the next trending Dan and Phil hashtag on Twitter. But thankfully, they very quickly came to the realization that the clearly tired and overworked waiter had no idea who was standing in front of him, if the way he barely even looked at them until they were giving him their order and then immediately disappeared towards the kitchen was anything to go by.
The two men sat down in a booth in the corner of the establishment. A brief glance around revealed that they weren't fully alone, but the people who were here didn't seem like they were the type to know anything about Dan and Phil. Only three other tables were occupied. One by a mom and dad with their two whiney, sleepy five or six year olds. One by an older couple with gray hair and phones on the table that looked like they might be relics from the time mobile phones were first invented. One by a truck driver in his fifties who clearly just wanted to get dinner over with so he could return to the streets.
"We're alone. Kind of." Phil mumbled. Across the table Dan gave their surroundings a look and then lowered his head. "Kind of." He responded, his words nothing more than a whisper. Unsure and slightly anxious. But apparently they were alone enough for Dan to allow their feet to gently kick at each other under the table.
With how few people were here, it didn't take long until their food was ready. Maybe ten minutes and that was that. The tired waiter accepted Dan's credit card, went through with the payment, handed them the bill and wished them a good night before returning to his post behind the counter, once again engrossing himself in whatever it was that he'd been looking at on his phone.
The two of them enjoyed their food mostly in silence. But it wasn't uncomfortable. It never was with them. They could sit next to each other without saying a word for hours and everything would be alright. A skill acquired through almost a decade of living in each other's space 24/7. A skill they were both very proud of. It was peaceful. This was peaceful. Gone were their hyperactive, loud, online and stage personas. For now at least.
It was always moments like this that made Phil think. About Dan. About their lives. About everything happening with them and around them. But that was okay. He liked thinking about Dan. Dan was his favorite thing to think about, after all. Even like this. Even when he looked clearly exhausted. Just a little more, and then he could take the break he so desperately needed and deserved.
Phil would be on his own.
Well, not entirely. Dan would still be in his life, of course. There was not a single alternate universe out there where they weren't as cosmically intertwined as here. But he'd be gone from YouTube for a while. Which, yea, that was sad. But Phil would always support him with whatever he needed. And if that was a break from content with Phil, then he could accept that. There was nothing he wouldn't do for Dan. And even when things looked bleak, it had always worked out for them in the end, so he was confident this time would be no different.
"You okay there space boy?" Dan asked, snapping Phil out of his thoughts who realized he must've completely zoned out staring at him. Phil smiled and once again tapped Dan's foot under the table. "Yea, just sleepy." Dan cracked a small smile. "You do look like you're about to pass out with your eyes wide open. Come on, finish your food, and then we can go back to the tour bus."
Phil didn't want their peaceful little moment to end. To go back to the bus where they had to be 100% vigilant at all times because of their close proximity to their team. But he was also really tired.
It would be alright. Soon enough, they'd be at the next hotel. And then, once they were in the safety of their room, they could push their beds together like they often did and enjoy the privacy.
Phil quickly finished his food after that and got up from the table. It seemed as though the other guests had disappeared from the steakhouse while he'd been mentally absent. Now it was just them and the tired waiter. Still, they kept a careful distance as they walked out and made their way back towards their tour bus.
Before they reached it, however, Phil suddenly saw something appear in his peripheral vision. A small dot of light that definitely hadn't been there before. Just like that, he was suddenly wide awake, whipping his head around to get a better look at what it was. There, at the edge of the parking lot, were concrete blended in with nature, a little light floated close to the ground. Small and easy to miss, but it was definitely there.
"Dan!" Phil whisper-shouted, excitedly pawing at Dan's shoulder despite the fact they were still outside and visible. But in that moment he didn't care as he simply tugged his very confused partner over towards the light, stopping just short of potentially startling the little creature and letting go of his sleeve.
"What are you—" Dan started. Phil immediately shushed him and pointed at the dot. "A firefly!" He whisper-shouted again. Dan went still next to him and stared, before the stare softened and he watched, just as Phil did. All while Phil felt an old memory resurface. Was it from 2009 or 2010? He couldn't quite recall. But Dan was there, listening to him with those big hopeful eyes.
"I wanna see fireflies in the wild one day! One of my dream dates, honestly." Phil had exclaimed. Dan had blinked, surprised. "Fireflies? But we don't have those here in England. How am I supposed to—" Phil had interrupted him, then. "Well, Danny, looks like we just gotta go on vacation somewhere someday where we can see them!" Dan had scooted closer to him. "Together?" Phil had grinned brightly, the fluttery feeling in his chest that Dan would always trigger engulfing him in warmth. "Well obviously! Together."
It had been so many years since then. They had still been so young. Freshly in love, falling deeper than anything either of them had ever felt before, uncertain about a lot of things in the future, including their relationship. But Phil had wanted it to work out. And it did.
Nowadays, especially on this tour, at this time in their lives, they were also very uncertain about a lot of things in the future. Except their relationship. Phil had never been more sure of anything in his life than he was about them.
"Not quite the romantic display of millions of little glowing bugs we talked about, hm?" Dan asked quietly, staring at the single firefly fluttering about. It was true. It was quite underwhelming if Phil compared it to his expectations. Still, he'd take what he could get. And so he just shrugged. "Well, can't force them to come out if they don't want to. Still, I suppose one is better than none, hm?"
Just one little light, shining through the dark. It was enough for now.
"Who knows?" Phil continued. "Maybe we'll have more chances to see fireflies in the future. I'm sure we will, somehow. They can't hide forever!" And he sincerely hoped that was the truth.
"You think?" Dan asked quietly. Phil nodded slowly and watched as the little creature flew further away towards the bushes, probably to never return again. Soon, the light would fade. But it would keep glowing. Even when they couldn't see it anymore. "I know." Phil said.
Fingers gently brushed against his hand and he felt Dan carefully, discreetly interlock their pinkies. He looked around quickly, but they were hidden in the shadows and no one was around anyway. Still, the anxiety remained.
"Hey Phil?" Dan spoke quietly. Phil responded with a hum and turned to look at his boyfriend. There was a certain softness in Dan's eyes that not even the darkness of night could hide. Melancholy or something similar as well. Love. And a little bit of hope. Phil had long since learned to read Dan like an open book.
"One day I will take you to see fireflies in the wild. I'll figure it out. I promise. No matter how long it takes."
Phil felt as though some part of his words weren't just about the fireflies.
"Then I'll be patient." He responded with a smile. If he'd been a little braver, he might've given his boyfriend a kiss to seal the promise. Alas, they were still outside and scared. So he'd just have to do it the next time they were alone in a hotel room. Though that didn't stop him from stepping slightly further into Dan's space who didn't back away for once and even went as far as resting his head against Phil's shoulder for a moment.
They stayed like that until the singular little firefly fully disappeared into nature and its light was obscured by grass and bushes. Only then did they separate and return to the tour bus.
—
- 2026 -
If anyone had told 2018 Dan that in eight years' time he'd be where he was now, he would've probably laughed in their face and asked them what kind of alternate reality they had come from. This, however, was no alternate reality. This was real. Very much so. Even if it sometimes still felt like a dream. Because that's what it was: A literal dream coming true.
He and Phil had been riding the wave of the Hard Launch and this new era for almost a full year now, and Dan could confidently say that this was the happiest they'd ever been. Freedom would do that to a person. With no more devastating secrets looming over their heads like a ticking time bomb that could explode at any moment and plunge their lives into chaos, it was like everything they did felt brand new all over again, just with much better vibes and much less fear this time around. This tour was no exception.
It was exhausting, doing a whole new tour while also still settling into their new era of fully official joint branding, new video formats and the Podcast. But this exhaustion was different than the one they (especially Dan) felt during Interactive Introverts. This exhaustion was exhilarating and comfortable. Touring a new stage show about their relationship, connecting with their fans on a level that simply hadn't been possible before, not having to worry about who saw them doing what in public, being able to fall into a double bed in a hotel room at the end of an exhausting but fun day and not having to worry about being perceived as a couple because it was just a fact that everyone knew about now. It felt like the weight of the entire world had been lifted off their shoulders and Dan had never felt more comfortable and happy with his life and his career than now. And somehow, everything just kept getting better and better.
"I still don't understand why we're taking such a detour." Phil said, lifting his head and glancing out the window. The sun was setting and, one by one, stars were appearing in the sky. "Nor why you're not telling me. Come onnn Dan! I wanna know!" He whined. Dan snorted and couldn't help the fond, loving smile he knew was creeping on his face. "Patience. We'll be there soon." Phil stuck out his tongue in a pout and went back to focusing on whatever video it was that he was watching on his iPad. Dan just kept staring, because that was something he was allowed to do now.
He had, in fact, planned this particular detour weeks in advance. Specifically after the Podcast episode where Phil briefly mentioned the fireflies and his wish to see some in real life one day. That one time in a parking lot didn't really count, after all. It was just one, and the entire setting had been slightly depressing.
During the Podcast episode, they had soon moved on. But Dan hadn't quite been able to let go of the conversation in his head. After the recording concluded, he had immediately written it down in bullet points in his notes app for later.
Now, it was later. The bullet points in his notes app had led to some research. That research had led to contact with some locals, and that contact had led to a plan. A plan Phil still didn't know anything about. Which was the whole point of it being a surprise and all. He once again checked the weather conditions on his phone and the message history with a person he'd brought on for help, and everything still seemed to be going just fine. All according to plan.
Eventually, when it was already a lot darker outside, their bus pulled into an empty parking lot near the street they were on and their driver announced that they reached their planned checkpoint and it was time for a little break. Dan didn't even bother with excuses. He simply pulled Phil out of his seat who, despite his protests, followed Dan without question. Luckily, their almost 17 year long relationship was unsurprisingly at a level of trust where Phil didn't need to be convinced to follow Dan wherever he went. Not that that would stop him from complaining about why he had to leave his comfy seat and 'go out into the terrifying cold' (It was still like 26°C. What a drama queen).
Dan was pretty sure he'd forget about the supposed cold soon enough anyway.
"Is this the part where I get murdered and you finally cash in on that life insurance?" Phil asked as they were strolling down a path by a nearby forest. Dan scoffed and elbowed him gently in the side. "No you idiot, I'm gonna show you something amazing." Phil raised an eyebrow. "Out here? In public? Isn't that something we should do in the privacy of a hotel room Danny? I'm not sure we've unlocked that level of PDA just yet." Dan very nearly choked on air and glared at his partner. "I am literally going to abandon you in the woods." He threatened. A couple moments of silence and then both of them burst out laughing, leaning into each other and nearly falling over their own feet in the process which just led to them laughing harder and needing to stop for a moment before someone (Phil.) would end up with broken bones.
"You would never abandon me." Phil said after regaining his ability to speak. "You'd miss me too much." Dan rolled his eyes fondly. "Twat." He responded before casually slipping his hand into his partner's and interlocking their fingers because that was also something he was allowed to do now. Phil squeezed his hand with the brightest grin on his face and it made Dan feel like everything was right in the world. "Still not gonna tell me where we're going?" Phil prodded. Dan just smiled and looked away. "What did I say about patience?" Phil didn't respond with words, but he did pinch his side with his free hand.
A total of 15 minutes of walking later, they reached the place Dan had been looking for. The moment he spotted various glowy dots in the distance, he immediately stopped in his tracks and placed both his hands over Phil's eyes with one sudden movement, making his partner jump in surprise. Still, Phil didn't try to look. Instead he just grumbled out some intelligible words about needing a jumpscare warning next time. Then he leaned most of his weight against Dan, allowing him to lead the way.
Dan did his very best not to gasp when they fully stepped out onto the field, mostly enclosed by trees. It was just as as beautiful as his contact had described. A big, open plot of tall grass and flowers, and above it all, millions of little fireflies, dancing in the gentle breeze to the sounds of crickets and other small animals moving through nature.
This was more like it. The promise he made all those years ago.
"Can I look now?" Phil asked, impatient. Dan chuckled. "Yea yea, fine." Then he pulled his hands from Phil's face and took a step back, allowing his partner a moment to take in what was in front of them. It took a second for their surroundings to register in his brain, but when they did, Dan could see and feel the entire world light up around them. An effect that came naturally with Phil's happiness. His eyes were literally sparkling.
"Dan!" Phil exclaimed and whipped his head around to smile right at him. "There's fireflies- like- everywhere!" Dan laughed and took a step closer. "Yea there are. There better be! I spent a lot of time looking for somewhere to see them!" Phil's eyes got even brighter, if that was possible. "Did you now?" He asked, said with so much affection that it would make anyone melt. Dan dug the heels of his feet into the ground to remain upright. "'Course. I promised, didn't I? One day I'd take you to see actual fireflies in the wild. And here we are."
Phil's entire expression softened and he basically jumped forward to hug him tightly. Dan caught him in his arms, burying his face in familiar platinum hair now tucked into his neck. He pressed a kiss against the top of Phil's head, drawing shapes on his back. "I take it you like it then?" He asked. Phil pulled back, still all sparkly and smiley, putting both his hands on Dan's cheeks. "Are you kidding? I fucking love it! And I love you. You're the best. I wasn't even sure you still remembered that promise." Dan laughed and leaned into his boyfriend's familiar touch, pressing their foreheads together. "Of course I fucking remember. You know very well I never forget about important promises I make to you. And I love you too."
Phil brought him closer and they shared a sweet, soft kiss, lips moving in sync like they were made for each other (which they honestly might as well be. Dan wouldn't be surprised.) with no one but the night sky and the animals to witness their moment. Years ago, they would've been afraid. Even out here where no one was. But now everything was different. They didn't have to be scared anymore.
"It's beautiful, Dan. Thank you." Phil said as he pulled back and turned around to look at the fireflies again. Dan could see so many little yellow dots reflecting in Phil's eyes, making him look mildly radioactive. 'You're beautiful', he could've said, though that was so fucking sappy it would probably make both of them gag. Instead, Dan wrapped his arms around Phil from behind and hooked his chin over his shoulder, joining him in watching the fireflies. "It is. And we get to see them together after all. Sorry that it took so long."
The fireflies, The coming out, The Hard Launch, everything, Dan honestly wasn't sure what exactly he was referring to. "You're the most patient person I know." In so many ways. Phil rested his head against Dan's, placing a hand over Dan's arms around his chest. "Don't apologize. We made it here after all. Doesn't matter how long anything takes, I'll wait."
Now, there was no more waiting.
The fireflies filled the sky with light.
Their future looked bright.
"How long until we need to get back to the tour bus?" Phil asked quietly, snuggling into Dan's hold. Dan squeezed him and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. "We can stay here as long as we want. We don't have anywhere to be tomorrow and the next tour stop isn't actually that far away."
Because that was it, wasn't it? They were free. And they had all the time in the world to enjoy their lives now.