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“My first kiss?”
Sakura held the blanket tighter to her bare chest with one hand as the other held and caressed Sasuke's face, she didn’t even really have a clue as to how the conversation got here, still she put some thought into the question, causing a frown to form on her face like it usually does when she’s thinking hard about something.
But she wasn't thinking about who exactly her first kiss was; she knew who it was. But instead she wondered if she really wanted to tell Sasuke, she knew he was a really easy guy to get jealous and she wanted to keep this a peaceful talk and not an interrogation.
Sakura eventually gave in, “His name was Tanaka Ren. He was a sweet guy.. I think?”
That caused Sasuke to raise an eyebrow.
“You think?”
Sakura sat up quick and covered her face trying to hide the embarrassing flush in her face, she was mumbling her words making it difficult for Sasuke to make out what she was saying. Sasuke followed suit and also sat up, nudging a little closer.
“It was complicated.” Sakura quietly sighed. She dropped her hands from her face and turned slightly to face Sasuke.
He pushed aside the hair covering her face and started threading his fingers through her tangled hair, pulling and undoing the knots along the way. He gave her a look and a nod, so Sakura took that as her sign to start doing a bit more explaining.
Sakura started with a sorrowful expression, “it was around the time during the war, he was a patient of mine. I don’t know how the conversation really got there but we started talking about love and stuff, like relationships and such and then we started talking about our first kiss. I guess it really started to settle in for him that we were in the middle of war and still never really had the chance to share a moment like that with someone.” Her voice started to falter for a bit and her eyes became glassy, but she blinked them away.
“He asked and I offered.”
Sasuke's face became stern for a moment but it quickly faded once he spotted Sakura's lip quiver slightly, her fingers fidgeting with the blanket.
Her voice began to crack and she’d slightly sniffle between the words, “But sometimes when I look back at it, I don’t look back at it as charity. O-Or any sort of kindness, because if I really want to be honest—“
Sakura's posture became a bit more frigid and she reached out to hold Sasuke's hand, he held on gently but she held on like would collapse if she didn’t, because it felt like she started to realise something she didn’t want to for a really long time.
“I did it… because I was also scared.” This time her glassy eyes formed two streams down her cheeks before she could blink them away, she felt Sasuke's thumb swipe at them, leaving her cheeks feeling damp all over.
“I.. I had so many chances before that.. To have a proper first kiss, a real first kiss, you- you know, one that wasn’t rushed, one that wasn’t in a medical tent, one where I actually sort of knew the guy, but Sasuke I wasted all of that— then kissed a guy who ended up dying anyways!” Sakura had started to pick up her pace, and spoke with a slight hint of annoyance and anger, though her annoyance was more prominent. Sasuke didn't really point that out, however he did mention her scrunched up face and gaze that went from drifting off, to being fixed on him.
“And I’m guessing that’s because of me.”
That managed to set off sakura completely.
“Yes! Of course it’s because of you! You just- you were always in the back of my mind like some kind of curse, I didn’t let myself experience any of the things I wanted to because I had a tiny sliver of hope that- that someday, you would come back and give me all those things I’d been waiting for, but god Sasuke. I was barely holding on, it just felt like you hated my guts and all I had to believe in was some stupid ‘thank you’ for god's sake!”
Sasuke didn't have anything to say or protest, he just held Sakura as tight as he possibly could with his singular arm while she fought back, and definitely not with all her strength. All that came out of her mouth was barely coherent, angry, and sad rambling into his bare shoulder.
“Y-You felt happy when you would hear how much I loved you didn't you? You got all the l-luxury of me being able to tell you how I feel all the time!” She hissed and tried to pull away from Sasuke but he dragged kisses across her neck,
“Why couldn't you at least give him a kiss goodbye? Or paid me a visit before you went off to be a war criminal huh? Why'd you have to be such a stupid asshole!” She eventually stopped trying to pull away and wiped her tears on him, leaving the last few words muffled.
There’s silence that’s only filled with Sakura's quiet sniffles and hiccups, Sasuke could fill it with apologies and promises that both of them know he’s trying and doing his best to keep, but both of them know that Sakura doesn’t care for that, because she already knows and sees him keeping all those promises of returning everything she’s ever wished for but given up for him. She just needs the time to let it all out on his shoulder to make for the times he made her cry like this.
~
The next day they’d woken up pretty late, probably a little past noon, but luckily made it to Ino’s shop just before Ino went on her lunch break. Sasuke barely managed to drag Sakura away before an inevitable 30 minute long gossip session Sasuke would be forced to join despite having no interest, luckily Sai was there and filled in sakuras spot well enough. They bought white lilies then made their way to the quiet cemetery. It took a bit of time finding him as the cemetery is constantly expanding, his grave was well kept and had two or three fresh bouquets already, but luckily there was just enough for their white lilies neatly on the side.
“He was clearly loved.” Sakura dusted the snow off the grave before standing up and re-adjusting the strap of her bag. She gave a small smile toward the grave before grabbing Sasuke's extended hand. Sakura gave Sasuke a couple of sideway looks before pouting and asking the million dollar question-
“You really don’t care that my first kiss wasn’t you?”