Chapter Text
Sometime before the end of the show…
Cassandra gave him a tight-lipped smile as she stepped out of the room, and Cullen headed inside. He’d talked to Mia several times since his stint in the hospital, but that never made his initial anxiety any easier to overcome. That deep-seated fear of hurting his family still reared up at every opportunity.
Thankfully, Mia never seemed interested in berating him for his years-long absence from the Rutherford clan after that first phone call from the show. Since then, they’d developed something akin to their old closeness, a fact Cullen suspected had something to do with his personal life being available on national television so Mia could keep an eye on him. Even so, he didn’t mind; if he could make amends with Mia, he could make amends with anyone in his family. Even Branson.
Owen picked up when Cullen called, his gruff voice warming as they chatted about the upcoming start of the rugby season and whatever oddities Owen was up to with his job as a contractor. Before long, Cullen could practically hear Mia vibrating with excitement behind her husband, and he laughed as Owen turned the phone over.
Mia, enthusiastic as always, exclaimed over how cute he and Talia were on the show before interrogating him about his health. She didn’t seem to need to breathe between questions, and Cullen rattled off answers as fast and evasively as possible. Any information at all was too much for his sister, in his mind.
It wasn’t until Mia told him about her upcoming bedrest, which she was going to use to plan out the holidays, that Cullen had to slow her down.
“Hang on, Mia. Why are you planning out Satinalia now? It’s not for almost five months.”
His sister huffed. “The babies are due in six weeks, Cullen, and I don’t think Owen and I will get to sleep again until Firstfall. I have to plan things now so I can actually be ready.”
He rolled his eyes. “Sounds like overkill, Mi.” Her childhood nickname had come rolling off his tongue one conversation a few weeks back and stuck around. That she hadn’t immediately vetoed its use was testament to the renewed comfort of their relationship.
“Sure, to you,” she replied. “But if Talia’s coming, you need to know the details.”
“Wait, what?” He vaguely remembered Talia teasing him about Mia inviting her for the holidays, but he’d naturally assumed she was kidding. Or that he’d been hallucinating. He’d only been home for a few hours at the time; it wasn’t out of the question. “Did you really invite her?”
“Of course I did, I want to meet her!” Mia cried, like she couldn’t imagine a stupider question. “And when I can give her a real hug instead of maneuvering around this beach ball in my stomach!”
Cullen sighed. “I get that, but Satinalia? Isn’t that a little… far off to be making plans with her?”
Mia’s voice took on that deadly monotone he remembered so well. “What are you trying to say, Cully?”
“Mi, it’s just that…” He sighed. “I don’t know where I’m going to be for Satinalia. Some years I have to work, or I volunteer to take shifts for people with kids or something. For Maker’s sake, it’s only Solace!"
“So?”
He shook his head, painfully aware that she couldn’t see him. That it had been more than two years since she’d seen him. “So… what if she gets sick of me, Mia? I’m not easy to get along with, you know that. Or what if we can’t figure anything out after the show?”
His sister didn’t reply, just let silence hang between them.
“What if she realizes what a mess I am and doesn’t want to be with me?” His voice trailed off as he finished, that fear still burning in his gut out in the open air now.
When Mia spoke, her voice was quiet and resigned, as though she’d thought he might turn self-destructive and upset like so many times before. “Cullen. Don’t say that about yourself.”
“It’s the truth, Mi,” he snapped before he could stop himself. “I stayed away for so long because I didn’t want to subject anyone to my problems. I didn’t want to hurt anyone.” He ran a hand over his forehead. “I still don’t.”
He heard Mia sigh. “And where’s that gotten you?”
“What?”
“Where’s that running away from us gotten you, Cullen?” Her voice was harder now. “It’s been years since we’ve seen you, and we miss you. Bran won’t admit it, but he does, and your nephew doesn’t even know he has an uncle. No one cares if you have problems, we all do. Don’t you think we could help? That having your family around might be a good thing?”
“I don’t know,” Cullen admitted, his chest full of the same ache of guilt and anxiety he’d been fighting off for years. “I haven’t always been in my right mind, Mia. I don’t want to put you through that.”
“That’s what family is for, Cullen,” Mia told him softly, the harshness gone from her voice. “We take care of you when you’re down and all that.”
He didn’t answer.
“And I’ve seen you with Talia on that show,” she added softly. “You’re kind, Cullen. You take care of people. From your own mouth, I’ve heard you say you want to be better. Don’t discount all that.”
Silence again stretched between them.
“Please come home for Satinalia.”
He sighed. “Mia…”
“Please?” Whining was sneaking into her voice, and Cullen smiled to himself.
“All right.” He had to hold the phone away from his ear to avoid being deafened by her delighted squealing.
“And bring Talia! Everyone wants to meet her!”
He chuckled a little at the prospect of Talia being smothered by the Rutherford clan. “I’ll try, I promise.”
“You aren’t going to break up, are you?” She’d suddenly turned suspicious, and Cullen scrubbed a hand down his face. He sincerely hoped they weren’t, and since they’d talked things through, their relationship had been better -- peaceful even, so unlike anything before in his life. He wanted it to stay that way.
“Maker’s breath, no. At least, I don’t think so. It’s hard to say, Mi, we just had a fight, and –”
“I know, I know,” Mia interrupted. “You don’t know where you’ll be. But I know you’ll still be together, so bring her along.”
“It’s a long time from now. Don’t be surprised if it…. doesn’t work in the meantime,” he replied, trying to sound flippant. It wasn’t working.
Mia didn’t even pause. “Don’t be stupid, Cullen, she loves you.”
For a moment, there was silence. Their fight, the broken days that followed, and the grief in her voice as she’d spoke in that bathroom all fought for precedence in his mind. And Mia -- Mia had never even met Talia, only spoken with her in the midst of those horrible days he spent in the hospital – how could she know how the woman felt about him?
The warm glow of a fire through a rainstorm hung brightest in his mind, Talia’s quiet request to visit him still fluttering in his chest.
When Cullen didn’t answer, Mia spoke again, her voice soft. “Trust me, Cullen. She does, and you love her. It doesn’t matter where else that leaves you.”
From across the continent, Cullen smiled. It was small, but there nonetheless -- he trusted his big sister, now more than ever in spite of years of running away to avoid causing his family pain. “Okay,” he said softly, though whether to himself or to his sister, he wasn’t sure. “On that note, I have someone I need to talk to. Call you soon?”
Mia’s whole demeanor brightened. “Isn’t that show over before long?”
“Two weeks, yes.”
“Plan to visit when you’re done. Your niece and nephew will be here soon.”
He nodded. “I will. Be well, Mi.”
“You too, Cully.” She hung up, leaving Cullen sitting with the phone in his hand and a smile on his face.
He stepped outside the little room to find Talia sitting on the floor, a book open in her lap as she read. She glanced up as soon as he opened the door, a smile across her face, and Cullen couldn’t help but smile back.
“Hi,” she said softly. “I know it’s stupid, but… I missed you.”
Cullen reached down to pull her to her feet, inadvertently bringing her crashing against his chest. “I missed you too.” It had been maybe two hours since they climbed out of bed together, but that didn’t change the ache in his chest whenever they were apart. Talia tugged him down to meet her, her lips already parted in a warm kiss, and for a few moments, he lost himself in that little bubble of happiness that followed her wherever they went.
“Come home with me for Satinalia,” he asked when they parted, brushing his lips over her ear as he hugged her.
She pulled back to look at him, one hand curled into his hair. “What?”
“Satinalia,” he repeated, feeling warmth rise in his face. “Mia wants to meet you, and she wants me to visit, and I… I want you to come with me.”
“Cullen, I…” Talia glanced away, biting her lip, and his heart slowed in his chest. After all that reassurance…
“I’ve never had a real Satinalia before,” the woman in his arms admitted quietly, and he couldn’t help how relief crashed over him.
“All the more reason,” he replied, pulling her closer. “Come home with me. Mia will cook I’m sure, and Owen is a good guy, plus she’ll have had the babies by then so you can… actually I’ve no idea what you do with babies, but they’ll be there, and probably everyone else too.” He watched trepidation mix with hope on her face, and smiled broadly. The more he talked about it, the more he missed those holidays from his childhood, everyone shouting and laughing and enjoying just being together. He hadn’t attended a holiday like that in decades. “It will be fun, I promise.”
Talia gently extricated herself from his arms. “I’m sure it will, Cullen, I just don’t… I’m not good with families. Mine never got along, and once I… left... I never really celebrated the holidays. Once Will and I got together and got really wasted, but that doesn’t really count, and I…” She paused in her pacing, her eyebrows knitting as she watched him. “What?”
Cullen smiled. “You didn’t say anything about us not being together.”
Those little lines scrunched across her forehead. “Why would I… Oh, Maker, Cullen, I didn’t mean to assume, I just… I’d hoped...”
“No, no,” he interrupted, smile widening until it hurt his cheeks. “That’s… I want…” He swallowed, knowing he was blushing and not caring. “I’m glad.”
To his relief, Talia smiled too. “Me too.” She stepped forward carefully, fingertips running along his arm.
He caught her hand and pulled her close, leaning his forehead against hers. “Talia… I have never felt anything like this.”
“Neither have I.” She sighed quietly, and Cullen let his eyes drift closed.
They could do this. He had no idea how, or for how long, or what might be asked of them in the future. But standing here, with her warm and safe in his arms and a thousand possibilities stretching out before them, he knew they could do it.
“Come home with me for Satinalia,” he repeated quietly, voice thick with everything he couldn’t admit. “Please. Come home with me.”
She kissed him softly. “Of course, Cullen.”