Archive of Our Own

Renjun is going to be the death of him. 

A warm, burning sensation travels down Donghyuck’s throat for what seemed to be the billionth time tonight. He swears he has already reached his most sluggish, pitiful state with his droopy eyes and flushed cheeks, almost feverish it could rival the heat of summer. His only consolation is that the weather has cooled since he arrived, the once balmy air mellowing into a refreshing breeze once nighttime came. Hopefully, the weather tomorrow will be just as kind. 

For now, though, his current condition goes unnoticed, or ignored, with the two men sitting across him showing no signs of remorse. 

If anything, one of them by the name of Huang Renjun is pouring him another drink. The other, who he has unfortunately known his whole life as Lee Jeno, wordlessly slides the freshly refilled glass towards him. His eyes curve into smiling crescents, and Donghyuck sees joy in there alright. The joy of watching him suffer through his own inebriety. 

“Renjun,” Donghyuck starts slowly, frowning. “Do you want to kill me?” 

“Nonsense. We put too much effort into this wedding for you to miss it,” Renjun casually says, pushing the cork back into the bottle of Dom Pérignon. 

Donghyuck redirects his frown to Jeno, now calmly pouring water into Renjun’s glass when it’s Donghyuck who’s been drowning in alcohol since they got in the bar. “Do you want to kill me?”

“What Renjun just said,” Jeno answers coolly. 

“Then why am I getting most of the drinks?” Donghyuck grumbles. Abandoned for the past hour, two untouched champagne glasses catch his attention. “Actually, you stopped drinking halfway so I’m getting all of the drinks!”

Renjun doesn’t appear the slightest bit guilty, nor does he even exert any effort to pretend to be. On the contrary, he looks far too pleased with himself. 

“We can’t get too drunk,” he explains passively. “So you’re taking the drinks for us.”

Donghyuck narrows his eyes. “I don’t think that’s fair.”

“You’re still drinking though,” Jeno points out, looking directly at the glass already pressed against Donghyuck’s lips. He takes a swig anyway and glares at the worst couple of the year, who just happen to be his two best friends in the whole wide world.

“I’m still drinking, yes,” Donghyuck repeats pointedly, a bitter taste lingering on his tongue. 

“I don’t know why you’re being so dramatic. You asked for this.” Renjun sneakily reaches forward to take Donghyuck’s empty glass, but Donghyuck stops him just in time. He’s not going to have his way with him this time. Donghyuck would love to preserve his liver, thank you very much.

“Because I miss you guys!” Donghyuck whines, lips naturally puckering into a pout despite himself. Renjun cringes almost immediately. “We’ve all been busy and I just want us to hang out before your big day. You know, a proper catch-up?”

Donghyuck can’t remember the last time he had a real break that didn’t involve passing out and catching up on sleep in the back of a black mini van. For the past year, he has been running endlessly from one schedule to another, one country to the next. Ever since his music career skyrocketed overnight after one viral performance, everyone wanted him everywhere, and everywhere he has been. He’s on advertisements, on magazine covers, on ramyun packets. A complete 180 from the sorry life that he had lived years ago, surviving on nothing but sheer determination, stacked-up part time jobs, late night gigs, and pure, shameless desperation to make something of himself. 

Renjun and Jeno had not been idle themselves. While Donghyuck was hopping between music festivals and overseas schedules, Renjun had been tying up the final details of establishing his interior design house in Seongsu, not long after Jeno set up his own architecture firm a block away. Donghyuck still doesn’t understand how they managed to plan a wedding in the middle of building their own careers, but he’s not the least surprised by it, given Renjun’s tenacity and Jeno’s fortitude. Somehow, they made it work. They always do.

By some miracle, their schedules managed to clear up and their time off had aligned. With his tour successfully wrapped up, Donghyuck is now enjoying a mini vacation, looking forward to their wedding tomorrow. He wouldn’t miss it for the world. 

“Have we fallen apart?” he wails dramatically. “Does this friendship mean nothing to you? Do you want me to die?” he laments, ignoring how his voice has grown louder, drawing attention from nearby bar patrons. Jeno dips his head in embarrassment. 

Renjun rolls his eyes. “Give me a break, Donghyuck, your idea of a catch-up involves alcohol one way or another. Now give me your glass.”

Because Donghyuck loves him with his whole heart and soul, he gives in. “That’s gonna be my last one.”

“You've been saying that for the past half hour,” Jeno points out when nobody was asking for his opinion. He leans sideways to playfully nudge Renjun’s shoulder, angling his jaw closer to his ear to whisper mischief. “Fill it to the brim.”

Donghyuck scoffs in disbelief. “Very mature, Jeno.” Then he turns to Renjun, “Are you sure you’re really marrying this child? Like a hundred times sure? You still have a few hours to think things through and elope with me.”

Rich, golden amber spills into Donghyuck’s defenseless champagne glass, steadily rising until it reaches the very edge. Renjun and Jeno, clearly sharing the same level of immaturity, snickers at Renjun’s accidental display of bartending skill, successfully keeping the liquid from overflowing. 

It still spills over, though, the moment Renjun slides the glass back towards Donghyuck. Leaving a messy trail, the glass now sits in between Donghyuck’s hands, taunting him menacingly. The sight is enough to make his stomach turn.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Renjun says, unfazed. “It’s not me being forced into this marriage. I’m the one locking him in for life.” Jeno shyly smiles beside him like a teenage girl. 

As things should be! Donghyuck wants to say but he's cringing outwardly for dramatic effect. After watching the two of them pathetically dance around their unspoken feelings and miscommunicating what they meant for each other, for years, and making it a problem for everyone, if they weren't endgame, Donghyuck might as well watch the world burn. 

This is the best ending for Jeno, to have his quiet, monotonous days painted with Renjun’s colours; and for Renjun, to have an anchor like Jeno to ground him, to feel all the love that Donghyuck could have never offered in this lifetime. 

The night blurs a little afterwards. There’s laughter, insults thrown out aimlessly, glasses tipped over, and Donghyuck rambling far too much about some insignificant thing that none of them would remember the next day. 

At some point, he finds himself completely slumped against the chair, feeling uncomfortably bloated and dizzy. 

“I can’t believe you’re finally getting married,” he thinks out loud, pushing himself to hunch over the bar table, tracing the rim of his glass absentmindedly. 

Renjun chuckles like he doesn’t believe it himself. “And here I thought you’d be the first.”

Jeno jumps slightly and shoots Renjun a cautious look, discreetly shaking his head. Donghyuck can’t help but snort. Funny, he once had that thought too. 

Then Renjun clears his throat to retract what he just said. “I mean…it is a bit of a surprise. This.”

It’s not a surprise at all, Donghyuck thinks. From the start, he kind of always imagined it to be like this. Renjun and Jeno. And Donghyuck. Like it had been cast in stone long before any of them realised it. 

“If it helps, we laid out the seating arrangement flawlessly. You’re seated at opposite ends from each other. We made sure there’s absolutely no chance of you two crossing paths even once.”

Donghyuck laughs at the grand gesture but appreciates the thought and effort. “Who do you think I am? Some petty, hung-up loser? It’s your wedding. Do whatever you want.”

Suddenly the air stales and Donghyuck can’t help but feel more nauseous at how heavy the atmosphere has shifted. He didn’t come here to feel bad for himself. This whole thing isn’t even about him. Shouldn’t be about him. He’s there to sit in the background, enjoy the open bar, indulge in the food, celebrate his friends, then go home after having a good time.

“In fact, I got a plus one so you don’t have to worry about me,” he says, trying to lighten up the mood. 

Renjun rolls his eyes again. “Yeah, your poor manager you blackmailed into accompanying you.”

“Oh, come on, Jisung loves me!”

“You make his life a living hell,” Jeno unnecessarily adds.

Now that’s offensive. Donghyuck takes care of Jisung exceptionally well. He shows up to schedules on time, clocks out on schedules on time, tries to not let him work overtime, treats him to lunch every now and then, and even takes him out on a date when he feels like Jisung needs a little breather. Most of the time the dates are against his will because Donghyuck doesn’t exactly have that many friends in the industry, but it’s all done with good intentions! 

Sure he plays a few pranks here and there and sure he makes fun of him occasionally but that’s all just harmless banter between two friends! Jisung is mean to him sometimes, too! 

“Can we not make bullying Donghyuck a conjugal hobby?” Donghyuck complains.

“But they did say sharing hobbies strengthens the marriage,” Renjun bluntly points out, with Jeno nodding along. 

Donghyuck scowls. “Genuinely fuck you, the two of you.”

Then he takes one real, final drink while Renjun and Jeno giggle at each other like little kids. Laughter fades out after a while and a wave of sentimentality washes over Donghyuck once again to the extent only insurmountable amounts of alcohol could achieve. 

“I’m so happy for you two. Really,” he says quietly, the words almost disappearing beneath the pleasant noise of the bar. 

“Thank you, Donghyuck.” A strand of hair sweeps over Renjun’s face as he tilts his head slightly and warmly smiles at him. “I’m sure you’ll find this kind of happiness soon.”

“What do you mean? I’m happy.”

It sounds like he’s being defensive and it’s because he is. He is happy. If anyone were to compare where he is now to where he was before, there would be no question that he’s in a much better place now. He’s finally practicing his craft, making a name for himself, reaching so many people through his voice, connecting with strangers in ways he never thought was possible. He’s finally doing what he has always dreamt of doing. 

No longer is he the broke college dropout surviving on cold pizza. (And he doesn’t even like pizza!) He’s finally turned his life around, and he sure as hell is not depressed as fuck anymore! So what else could he possibly be, if not one happy and lucky guy? 

Jeno is quick to intervene. “You know what he means.”

“No, seriously,” Donghyuck insists. “I’m even happier now because of,” he makes dramatic gestures with his hands, “this. Call this place Disneyland the way it’s the happiest place on earth.”

And he believes it. He’s surrounded with love, the love that he has watched blossom from day one. 

To make his point, Donghyuck slams his glass onto the table, startling Renjun.

“I’m going to enjoy this wedding to the fullest! I swear it on my life!” he declares, chest puffed out and chin raised with full conviction, alerting Jeno who is quick to rise from his seat, rushing to calm him the fuck down before he disturbs any more people. 

“I think it’s time for him to get to bed,” Jeno states the obvious.

Renjun nods firmly. “I agree.”

None of what he said are empty promises. Donghyuck plans to go all out at this wedding. He’s going to eat, drink, and be merry, or whatever they said in the Bible. 

And maybe, just maybe, by the end of it all, he’ll find the love of his life too and Renjun and Jeno can suck it. 

He just has to make it past the impending hangover by morning first.

~*~

Without a surprise, Donghyuck wakes up with his head pounding. 

If that isn’t bad enough, there’s also a persistent knocking coming from the other side of his hotel door. The longer he keeps his back pressed against the softness of his mattress, the more impatient it gets. It’s almost as if Donghyuck is being chased by a debt collector who has managed to track him down after days and days of hiding. 

For a few blissful seconds, he rolls to lay face flat on his pillow, pretending neither the headache nor the knocking exist. Maybe if he closes his eyes and ignores them long enough, they’ll go away.

The knocking continues, however, gradually getting louder. 

Donghyuck groans into his pillow, before slowly rolling towards the edge of the bed, taking his sweet time to get to his feet and shuffle into his hotel slippers. 

A familiar face meets him by the door.

“Hyung!”

“Oh, it’s just you,” Donghyuck says flatly. 

“Of course, it’s me. Who else would it be?” 

“I don’t know. Room service?”

Standing outside is a former adorable now dashing Park Jisung, dressed in a neatly pressed suit, wearing an expression that sits somewhere in the middle of impatience and exhaustion. This is no different from what he's usually like when caught up in the middle of Donghyuck’s hundred schedules. 

He looks a bit more put together like this, though, hair soft and skin plump and moisturised, the perfectly tailored suit transforming him into a respectable young bachelor. 

As soon as Donghyuck opens the door and lets Jisung walk in, he dives straight back into bed, immediately regretting it when the sudden impact has his head, and then the entire room, spinning.

“Lucky for you Renjun hyung messaged me saying you might need these.” Jisung holds out a bottle of water and a hangover relief drink. “You look like death.”

Feels like it too. Donghyuck can’t believe he’s starting Renjun and Jeno’s wedding day buzzed as fuck. In his defense, this is not his fault, but the grooms themselves. They should be the ones showing up at his door with a morning detox drink and an apology for the torture they put him through. 

“You tell me.” 

Donghyuck grabs both drinks with his hands and Jisung watches as he downs nearly half the bottle of water in one go. One large gulp of the remedy drink feels like life slowly returning to his body. 

“Jisungie,” Donghyuck sings. “My favourite manager.”

“I’m your only manager.”

Donghyuck beams at him. “My favourite and only manager. What time is it now?”

“It’s a few minutes till 2PM.”

“It’s a few minutes till 2PM,” Donghyuck repeats to himself, nodding, then realises it’s a few minutes till 2 fucking PM. “What?!”

He frantically peels himself from the covers he was just reveling in its warmth in, stumbling out of the sheets, then scrambles towards the bathroom. “Why didn’t you wake me up?!”

“I’ve been calling you the past few hours, actually,” Jisung responds, entirely unsympathetic. “Thought you were busy. Turns out you were busy sleeping.” 

He takes a seat by his vanity while Donghyuck tries to wash away the sleepiness and drunkenness with a quick shower. 

To be fair, he really didn’t intend to drink that much. The problem was that he’s an idiot who couldn’t say no to his good old friends because he cares for them and he loves them and he cherishes whatever little time they have together now that life has pulled them to different directions. 

Renjun and Jeno probably woke up this morning wrapped in each other's arms, glowing and feeling refreshed, compltely free of all guilt, while Donghyuck is left deciding if doing his morning skincare is even worth the effort. 

“Anything else you need?” Jisung calls out from his room. 

“Another round of sleep would be great,” Donghyuck answers a bit louder, still feeling a bit tired, squeezing the life out of his toothpaste. 

“Sure, if you want to miss the wedding.”

If this were any other wedding, he might’ve considered it, honestly. But this is different. This is practically a royal wedding level of cultural, social, and global importance.

“Renjun would kill me.”

“Exactly.”

Donghyuck exits the shower in a fuzzy bathrobe, finding Jisung gingerly taking out his suit from the closet. 

It makes his heart swell a little. Jisung really doesn’t need to do all this. Donghyuck is not some helpless child that needed assistance in getting dressed. Though, admittedly, he did sleep through every single alarm this morning…and afternoon. 

Still this, the dressing up part, Jisung could’ve just let him face the consequences and deal with it on his own. But he’s just too nice, Donghyuck thinks of smothering him with kisses that would surely be met with immediate disgust. 

“Awww, Jisungie, you really love me!” he coos instead of openly expressing gratitude. 

“No, not really,” Jisung deadpans. 

“That was awfully fast.” 

Donghyuck slips into his suit in no sweat, muscle memory taking over. He’s changed outfits between concert sets with only minutes to spare; quickly getting dressed is hardly a challenge. 

Renjun did mention that there would be a makeup artist available for guests who wanted a makeover or quick touchups but it’s probably too late for that now. He could do that himself, having done it a few times before. He thinks he’s had enough practice. The basics is all he needs, anyway. Just some moisturiser, tinted sunscreen, and lip balm to cover up how pale he’s gotten from last night’s drinking. 

Donghyuck is too locked into styling his hair with gel that when Jisung speaks out of the blue, his soul almost leapt from his body. 

“Saw your ex in the lobby, by the way.”

The room momentarily freezes along with Donghyuck in it, but he recovers quickly and reverts his attention back to freeing his forehead from any loose strand of hair. Ugh, he really shouldn’t have gotten way too emotional that one time.

When he was recording a self-composed song, Should Be, he got too much into his feelings when every lyric accidentally dragged every buried memory back to the surface, like a sad montage of a D-grade movie. 

It was a good recording session, too. Too raw, as the producer had said. Too personal, too close to heart, it broke Donghyuck’s, having him crashing out in a black mini van on the drive back home, crying and sobbing, nose dripping and all, showing Jisung pictures of a love once had, now lost. It was embarrassing. It was humiliating. It probably changed Jisung's perception of him forever. He was like a man possessed. Donghyuck doesn’t know who that person is, cannot even summon up the memory without recoiling in shame. 

“Congratulations, Jisung, you got eyes.” 

Jisung is not the least bothered by the sarcasm. “Just saying, in case you’re avoiding him.”

Why is everyone like this? Donghyuck is not some miserable loser who crumbles at the sight of a past lover. It’s not like they ended on bad terms either. It was an amicable, friendly, mutual break-up. And he has long moved past it. 

It has been five years. 

Five years should be more than enough time to get over someone you once thought you’d spend your whole life with. Maybe. 

“He’s an invited guest, just as much as we are. We’re bound to run into each other at some point. Trust me, I’ll survive.”

Jisung breathes out an alright, and pushes himself off from the mini sofa. “I’ll get going, then. Let me know if you need anything else.”

“Nah, I’m good. Thanks for stopping by.” Donghyuck pauses, something catching his eye, then adds, “Nice tie, by the way.”

The compliment catches Jisung off guard and his hand automatically reaches for the moon and star motifs that hang below his neck. A small, bashful smile spreads across his face and Donghyuck thinks Jisung always seems to slip back into his younger, softer, more boyish features whenever he does that. 

“Thanks.”

“A gift?”

“Yeah.”

“From who?”

Jisung points vaguely in random directions, clearly flustered by what should have been an innocent, harmless question. “Finish getting ready.”

“Right.”

“I left some pills on your bedside table. In case you got a headache.”

Donghyuck feels so loved and cared for he could cry. 

“I love you more than Renjun and Jeno right now.”

Jisung breathes out a laugh. “That’s only because they got you drunk.” Then the door closes behind him. 

“So much for being my plus one,” Donghyuck hears himself say, shaking his head fondly. He quickly consumes one Tylenol.

The room settles back into its usual silence, apart from the sound of birds twittering from his window, the only presence being his own reflection on the mirror. 

His suit clings perfectly on his shoulders, pristine black fabric fitted on all the right curves and edges. A silver chain drapes across his ember-coloured tie. The ensemble is probably worth more than what he used to spend on rent before life went good only for it to crash and burn.

A laugh escapes Donghyuck. Life is so, so weird. 

Today, his best friends are getting married.

The same Jeno he had known since before he could even form words. A shy kid from Ilsan who used to wear his sister’s hand-me-downs and those goofy round glasses, who used to build miniature houses out of sticks, out of Lego blocks, out of rocks and pillows and playing cards and literally anything he could get his grubby hands on. 

The same Renjun who had moved in a few years later, who had looked at 12-year-old Donghyuck wearing a single sequined glove and asked why he only had one and if he lost it somewhere, maybe he could help. 

Donghyuck remembers laughing at his face, partly in amusement, and partly because he hadn’t even imagined there was someone in this world who didn’t know who Michael Jackson was.

Donghyuck and Jeno go way back. They’re bros. But Donghyuck and Renjun–they’re friends, alright. Good friends-–best friends. But there had always been that shyness in there, a bit more care and affection. 

See, Renjun is a delicate flower, a tiny daffodil that’s soft in all parts of him, pretty in every way. He’s sensible, loves trying out new tea leaves, has an absurd catalogue of avant garde furniture, and he raises fireflies. He's the only person Donghyuck knows who even raises fireflies. Like a fairy, a mountain deity. A true cultured man of the arts.

And that’s what he wants you to think. To Donghyuck, Renjun is a bit more than that. He’s moody, he’s cranky, he takes forever to warm up to people, he needs to nap for another extra five hours a day, and he really does love his tea. Donghyuck also loves him. Not in that way. At least, not in the present. 

Renjun is Donghyuck’s best friend and Donghyuck’s first love and Donghyuck’s best friend’s soon-to-be-husband. And that’s fine. And he’s nothing but happy about it. 

Donghyuck stands in front of the mirror longer than necessary, adjusting his tie for the third time even when it’s already perfectly in place. By now, the wedding venue should already be bustling with preparations. Chairs lined up in neat rows, floral arches adorned with fresh blooms, petals scattered everywhere, the crew weaving through the grounds with fluid ease. 

He arrives at that exact scene. An outdoor garden setting bathed in summer light. It isn’t hot outside, nor is it cool. It feels just right. 

White chairs are lined up along a petal-strewn aisle, marble pillars entwined with climbing vines and vibrant blooms framing the scene. From the wooden beams overhead, loose garlands of ivory and blush cascade with lengths of white fabric that billow gently with every passing breeze. One glance is enough to make the whole scene feel suspended between reality and a dream. Like a picture lifted from a page of a fairy tale picture book. 

Towering at the end of the aisle is a breathtaking floral arch where Renjun and Jeno will say their vows and promise each other forever. 

Donghyuck soaks in the grandeur, then spots Jeno standing by the end of the seats.

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be getting ready?”

Jeno doesn’t appear stressed, though he appears to be quite nervous. His hands stay tucked inside his pockets as he scans the garden. “Just wanted to have one last look. Make sure everything’s going smoothly.”

One of the crew is testing the microphone while another is crouching on the ground, untangling the cables snaking across the grass. They’re adding more floral decorations by the marble pillars.

“It seems like they got everything under wraps,” Donghyuck observes. “Renjun?”

“In his suite, getting makeup done.” Jeno glances down to check his wristwatch. “Woke up late, didn’t you?”

Donghyuck gives him a light shove and clicks his tongue. “Whose fault do you think that is? I still made it though. We’re not behind schedule or anything?”

“Relax,” Jeno says, eyes trailing off somewhere. “You’re stressing about the wrong thing here. I think you’ve got other stuff to worry about.”

Donghyuck raises an eyebrow. “What does that even mean?”

Jeno doesn’t answer. Instead, his eyes settle on the floral pathway that connects to the garden.  Donghyuck follows his line of sight and everything in him grinds to a halt.

First of all, Na Jaemin is sexy. After all these years, he is still so, undeniably, without a speck of a doubt, sexy. The sexiest, if he will. And Donghyuck wants to fling himself off to the nearest cliff for even having that thought in the first place. He’s seen countless attractive faces and enticing bodies every single day in his line of work, such a face should not throw him off balance like this anymore. It makes him so mad. Furious even. He can’t help himself. Sue him.

He’s on his phone, brows drawn together in concentration. Despite himself, Donghyuck catches on the sole silver jewelry resting against the strip of skin between Jaemin’s collarbones before he could notice the rest of the details. He’s wearing a deep navy blazer over a fine white button down with a plunging neckline, not too low to reveal anything, but just enough to keep a sliver of skin to peek out and send Donghyuck into a spiral. His jet-black hair is parted at the front, fringe curved inwards to bare his forehead. And of course, Jaemin kept the semi-rimless glasses on. Screw him, really. 

Donghyuck did all that observation in less than a second, immediately gaining back his composure to cuss out Jeno. 

“Fuck off,” he says. “This is the last thing I want to deal with right now.”

For someone getting married in a few hours, Jeno is unnervingly calm. “Look, maybe this is the perfect time to talk things out.”

Donghyuck shoots him a nasty look. “To talk things– what’s there to talk about? The Talk was already done years ago. Also, at your wedding? Seriously?”

“At my wedding,” Jeno repeats without hesitation. Donghyuck lets out a disbelieving laugh. 

“Let’s not cause any unnecessary drama and put the past behind us.”

“I think an intervention is necessary,” Jeno suggests, voice steady. “Renjun saw through everything. Made sure the planets, the stars, everything, is aligned so things go the way they’re supposed to. If you want to fix things, this is probably your best chance. Think about it, where else are you going to see him after this?”

“I was thinking nowhere, actually,” Donghyuck mutters, kicking invisible rocks with the toe of his dress shoe. 

“Your call.” Jeno gives him an assuring pat on the shoulder before reverting his attention back to the wedding preparations, attentively checking if everything is going as planned. Donghyuck looks back to where Jaemin had been standing, but he is no longer in sight. 

The thing is, there really isn’t anything left to talk about. They ended on a clean slate, and the only thing they can do right now is put the past behind them and carry on with life. They owe nothing to each other anymore but peace. All Donghyuck had to do was deal with the aftermath, the withdrawals, the second-guessing, and the regret. Those weren’t Jaemin’s to fix. They belong to Donghyuck alone. 

But one look at Jaemin and every piece of memory claws its way back to the surface, piling onto the dull ache blooming behind Donghyuck’s temples. Looking at Na Jaemin is just never a normal experience. 

Donghyuck met Jaemin through classic campus networking. 

A case of someone’s I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy all just to get a hold of one elusive professor so he can finally pass the one minor elective that’s been dragging his GPA through the mud. 

First it was Renjun who told him he knew someone who used to be the professor’s TA, but the TA wasn’t actually the TA so he told Donghyuck to look for the actual TA, to which Donghyuck found out only met the professor once to carry lab materials for him, who told Donghyuck what he should be looking for is his research assistant, but said research assistant was on break so she told Donghyuck to look for this one medical student instead. 

Looking back, the entire expedition had been completely unnecessary because Donghyuck would eventually drop out anyway, but that’s not what this is about. This is about meeting Na Jaemin. 

Their first meeting was in a lab, after Donghyuck had spent most of the day wandering from campus building to building when somebody really could’ve just handed him his number. 

At that point in time, Donghyuck thought there existed no other person on the same scale of otherworldly beauty as Renjun, but Jaemin and his piercing doe eyes and long lashes and thick brows and tall nose and pink lips and, and, and just his everything! that shattered his whole worldview. He looked extremely good with glasses on too, what the fuck. The whole a thousand and one teeth kinda scared him a bit though, he’s not gonna lie. 

What irritated Donghyuck most about the whole ordeal was finding out that Jaemin actually knew Jeno from anime club (Donghyuck didn’t even know they had an anime club. Jeno was such a nerd.) and they happen to be good friends. He could’ve skipped through this whole thing where he’s like some kind of detective tracking down a crime syndicate, with his little notebook asking for leads of his professor’s whereabouts.

But then again, without going through all those, then he wouldn’t have met Jaemin at all. And that felt like a huge loss. Jaemin was one of the best things that happened to him. 

The professor wasn’t even Jaemin’s research advisor, and Jaemin had never taken any of his classes. Turns out they're merely next-door neighrbours. It was all too convenient Donghyuck could only laugh about it. 

Jaemin told him he could definitely talk to the professor and see if he’d be willing to give Donghyuck a make-up paper to bump up his grade a little. It wasn’t without a catch though, because of course there is. Donghyuck was even willing to pay money. Jaemin wouldn’t do this all for free. 

Except all Jaemin wanted in return was a simple meal because he hadn't eaten all day, caught up with lab work. Donghyuck was starving himself, after going through side quest after side quest, so naturally they had dinner together. 

Donghyuck took him to a neighbourhood restaurant he regularly comes to when he wanted to indulge himself a little. The samgyupsal tasted exceptionally better that night, thicker and juicier than the usual.  Probably because of the good company. They sneaked in a few drinks afterwards. Donghyuck had only just met Jaemin, but it felt like they’d known each other forever. 

Surprisingly, they had a lot of things in common. In food, in cooking, in movies, in the way they carried conversations. The music, not so much, although he went home that night listening to Ariana Grande and found himself genuinely enjoying her discography. 

When Donghyuck got home, he received an e-mail from the professor, requesting a face-to-face meeting to discuss how he could salvage his grade. Donghyuck then asked Jaemin if he wanted to meet again. So he could thank him, of course. 

It’s impossible to ignore a magnetic pull once it takes hold of you, getting you distracted, restless, almost spellbound. Jaemin couldn’t resist it either. Unlike Renjun and Jeno who continued to circle each other without making a single move, Donghyuck and Jaemin moved fast, reckless, impulsive, a bit irresponsible. But that’s just who they were. Like wildfire, they burn hot, collapsing like stars.

It wasn't too long before Donghyuck’s leather jacket had taken permanent residence in Jaemin’s wardrobe, then his Nintendo Switch on his study table, and then his toothbrush in his bathroom. As the days go by, he has made space in Jaemin’s cupboard, on his couch, in his kitchen, in his bedroom, without thinking much about it. 

They both naturally found their way around this new arrangement, working too perfectly. Two peas in a pod, as their peers used to say. A mirror of each other. They used to do everything together, until life got in the way, inevitably so. 

A few hours apart was good for them. In fact, it was needed. Donghyuck and Jaemin could barely peel themselves away from each other, as though their lives depended on it.

Medical school was tough, but manageable for someone like Jaemin. Jaemin who had 48 hours in 24 hours. Jaemin who kept his network, his connections, his relationships intact despite juggling lab work, research, and licensure exam preparations. 

But Donghyuck's dreams grew bigger, and with them, his ambitions. The problem was Donghyuck. Somehow, the problem has always been Donghyuck. 

“Excuse me! Make way please!”

The memory fractures as soon as movement floods the garden once more. 

Florists enter in a hurried stream, pushing trollies stacked with carefully wrapped floral arrangements. Donghyuck blinks back into the present, any thought dispersing the moment his eyes land on the flowers. He quickly turns to catch Jeno just as he’s about to head back inside. 

“Jeno,” he calls, stopping him with a hand on his back. “Remember when you said Renjun made sure the stars and planets aligned so things would go smoothly?”

“Yeah?”

Donghyuck shakily points to the flowers slowly being unloaded from the trolleys. Last time he checked, lilies of the valley weren't black and they sure weren't full-petaled spheres. Jeno stares and his lips part in slow realisation. 

“Those aren't the flowers,” Jeno says, voice dropping. 

Donghyuck gulps. “Those are definitely not the flowers. Renjun is going to faint.”

Jeno makes a beeline for one of the staff. Their conversation involves a lot of hand gestures and frantic head shakes, but Donghyuck doesn't catch a trace of anger on Jeno's face, just slight concern, like this is just one mild inconvenience. The florists are quick to put back the flowers onto the trolleys before vacating the scene as fast as they arrived. 

“There was a mix-up,” Donghyuck overhears one of them as he walks closer. 

“A mix-up…” Jeno repeats in disbelief. 

“Yes, your flowers were mistakenly sent to the other side of the country. We sincerely apologise.”

“Was it a goth-themed wedding?” Donghyuck quips with a sneer. 

“Apparently so.” Oh. His smile quickly drops. 

Not missing a beat, Jeno pulls out his phone. “I'll call the nearest vendor. Pray they can do an urgent delivery.”

This is why Donghyuck tried his hardest to persuade these two to hire a wedding planner. It’s exactly so they wouldn’t have to deal with problems like this themselves. But they insisted on planning everything on their own, saying it'd be more fulfilling that way, to build their dream wedding with their own hands. 

It was the most Donghyuck had ever seen Jeno willingly spend time outdoors, scouting potential venues in search of the best place to get married. Eventually, they found one that felt like it had been made with them in mind. A wedding destination with a large garden blanketed with myriads of blooms that Renjun instantly fell in love with, tucked away from the hustle and bustle of the city, wrapped in the tranquiility Jeno always gravitated towards.

Jeno is quick to make a phone call before returning to Donghyuck with an update. Not long after, someone else joins their little group. 

“Why are you here?” 

Donghyuck turns so quickly he nearly gives himself whiplash. Renjun stands there with his hair only half done.

“Why are you here?” Donghyuck shoots back. 

Renjun appears perfectly calm, face all soft and unassuming, arms folded across a white shirt, not even completely dressed up yet. “Wanted to take a last look. See if everything's okay.”

Donghyuck and Jeno exchange a look. They are absolutely not ready for this conversation. 

“Renjun,” Donghyuck begins carefully. “Don't get mad but we have to tell you something. But we're already working on it.” 

Staring at them with wide, innocent eyes, Renjun tilts his head. “What? Did Jeno lose the rings?”

“What? No–”

“What?!” Another panicked voice cuts through the conversation and all of them turn to find Zhong Chenle, cheeks flushed like he ran ten laps before he got here. 

Renjun and Jeno introduced Chenle to Donghyuck two years ago, a gourmet chef who after failing to set up a restaurant in Shanghai, took a leap of faith and commissioned Jeno and Renjun to design his Chinese restaurant in Incheon. The risk paid off spectacularly, having met massive success in a matter of months. To return the favour, Chenle offered to help oversee the wedding, and even with catering. 

Donghyuck once visited his restaurant with Jisung, and even then, he knew he was expleriencing flavours unlike anything he had tasted before. And for someone who is loyal to his Korean food, that says a lot. Every dish carried Chenle’s passion for cooking, and Donghyuck had a feeling that he’s destined to grow even bigger.

“The rings are fine,” Jeno says, then turns to Chenle. “Is there another problem?”

“Another problem?” Chenle echoes, momentarily taken aback before remembering why he’d come in the first place. “It's the wedding singer.”

Renjun stills. “Oh.”

“He has the worst diarrhea known to man right now. Do not go to the toilets.”

Donghyuck wrinkles his nose. What the hell.

Unbothered by all this, Renjun, like Jeno, waves it off like another minor inconvenience. “Oh, that's fine. We'll have Aunt Lin sing.”

He doesn't need to look, but from the sudden movement beside him, Donghyuck just knows Jeno's eyes have widened in horror the same way his have. At a family gathering, they had the honour of hearing her sing and Donghyuck had never heard anyone so amazingly tone-deaf in his music career and in his entire life that no vocal coach could ever reverse that kind of inaptitude. It’s a skill in itself. 

Donghyuck could only laugh in disbelief. “Are you serious? Aunt Lin does not know how to sing.”

“She always wanted to,” Renjun reasons. “It's her dying wish.”

“That's not reason to–”

“I also want everyone to be happy,” Renjun says. “It's my wedding day after all. You're okay with that right, Jeno?”

Jeno reaches for Renjun's hand and gives it a soft squeeze. “Of course.”

Well, Donghyuck can't say anything to do that. 

When Renjun turns away for a moment to survey the scene, Jeno discreetly mouths to Donghyuck something along the lines of, “The flowers are on the way.”

Renjun somehow catches that. “What flowers?”

Donghyuck purses his lips before flashing him an innocent, reassuring grin. “Don't worry about it.”

And just like that, Chenle claps his hands together, reminding everyone they’re right on schedule and the ceremony should be starting in the next hour. Jeno heads straight back to his suite, while Donghyuck follows Renjun to the makeup room. 

The room is quieter. Renjun sits before a tall mirror as people work around him, removing the clips from his hair before styling it in soft waves, dusting more blush onto the apples of his cheeks.

Donghyuck stands slightly behind him, hands in pockets, watching his reflection transform into a celestial being of transcendent beauty. For a brief moment, he is reminded of an affection he once held. It's probably still there, tucked away somewhere in a small corner of his heart. 

The day they met, when Donghyuck had buck teeth and Renjun still had that adorable snaggletooth, it was costume day at school, Donghyuck had come home in high spirits, the happiest he’s ever been after winning that year’s talent show, two years in a row. 

Before he could even show his trophy to his mom, she handed him a basket of rice cakes, telling him they had new neighbours, and they have a kid the same age as him. She told him to come say hi. So that’s what he did. 

That’s when Michael Jackson came into the picture. The first day Donghyuck met Renjun, he found himself comfortable in the boy’s living room, munching on the same snacks he just delivered, telling him all about his hero. 

Donghyuck probably fell in love that day too. By Renjun’s attentive eyes, how he follows along to his stories, like he’s the only one who mattered in the room. 

Even Jeno doesn’t give Donghyuck that kind of attention when he rambles about his day. It took years for his heart to slowly change shape around that feeling and get over it. 

“Don't you have somewhere else you have to be? You're a distraction,” Renjun says, feigning annoyance, though Donghyuck knows he's feeling anything but that. If anything, Renjun loves his company. Donghyuck is a joy to be with. 

He's a bit tired for banter right now though. He’d almost forgotten he was still slightly hungover, and the calmness of the room only makes the dull throb behind his temples more noticeable, he can almost hear it beating. 

“Just checking up on you.”

Renjun arches an eyebrow before returning his face to a neutral expression, allowing the makeup artist to sweep eyeshadow over his lids with ease. 

“It's just there were a few oopsies just now.”

“Oh, that's nothing. Unless zombies start breaking in and cancel the wedding, I don't mind if certain things don't go according to plan.”

Donghyuck laughs, picturing a horde of zombies shambling down the aisle in the middle of the wedding march. 

“But it's your wedding day…”

“You worry too much.”

“Because it's your wedding day!”

Once the gloss is applied to his plump lips, Renjun softly smiles at Donghyuck through the mirror. 

“Thank you, Donghyuck,” he says. “Actually, I should be giving you more credit. The wedding probably wouldn’t have happened without you in the first place.”

“I didn't even do anything.” Donghyuck frowns in confusion because it's true. The ones who put in all the work were no one but Renjun and Jeno. He was merely Side Character A who watched their relationship unfold from the sidelines. More of an audience than someone with any real role in their romance movie. 

When the makeup artist steps away to grab a few more makeup products, Renjun swivels his seat to face Donghyuck directly. 

“Did you know it was because of you that we became more honest with our feelings?”

No, Donghyuck most certainly does not know that. As far as he was concerned, Jeno had simply shown up one random morning, had breakfast with him and Jaemin, announced they were dating, and Donghyuck dapped him up, saying fucking finally. 

“No way.”

“I was a little bit closed off, more so Jeno.” Renjun smiles to himself. “I thought I was being obvious, but I was sending all the wrong signals. But you… You love loud. You and–” Renjun quickly catches himself before continuing, “It was an eye opener. Seeing someone love so openly. It's such a beautiful thing to let the people you love actually see, actually hear it. So, thank you.”

“It's nothing.”

Renjun swivels towards the mirror just as the makeup artist returns, misting the final setting spray over his angelic face. Even through the reflection, his eyes remain fixed on Donghyuck’s.

“It might have been nothing for you, but back then, even now, it means everything.”

The second batch of flowers finally arrives minutes before the ceremony, only for Donghyuck to find out they were lilies instead of lilies of the valley. Are all the flower shops around here this incompetent?

Donghyuck doesn't have the energy to deal with this right now, so he lets Chenle argue with the person in charge because you simply cannot make this mistake when your website profile proudly states that you’ve been doing this for years and you should maybe shut down your business because apparently you're not so good at it! 

Before the argument can escalate into a full-blown fight, Donghyuck steps in and tells them there’s nothing they can do about it and they'll just take the flowers as they are. 

When the wedding finally begins, it looks almost unreal. 

It plays like one of those dramas that Donghyuck watches in the music show waiting room. 

Rows of white chairs are lined with precision, petals are scattered along the aisle, and the floral arch blends perfectly under trailing blossoms and flowing streaks of white. Gentle sunlight filters through the leaves in bright streaks, making the moment feel suspended in enchantment and romance. 

Foolishly, Donghyuck lets himself believe that things will go smoothly from here onwards.

And the thought lasts long enough for the sky to change its mind.

A grey blanket of clouds rolls overhead, gradually deepening in a colour that Donghyuck wishes is nothing more than a hallucination. Concern flashes across the faces of every guest, everyone hoping this is only temporary and the unexpected change in the weather will eventually correct itself. 

But without warning, the clouds split open and rain falls in large, unforgiving drops. Then it pours even harder, more relentless, pulling the hanged fabrics down to the ground, soaking through suits and leaving silk dresses thoroughly drenched. 

Mass panic erupts among guests and chairs are hastily dragged as people scramble for shelter. Jisung looks at Donghyuck in complete bewilderment and he can only stare back in horror, rendered paralysed as his brain struggles to process what is happening. 

The only person who seems remotely level-headed is Jeno, who promptly directs the crowd towards a nearby glasshouse. It isn't far, but not reachable without scattered petals and mud clinging messily to the bottoms of soaked shoes. 

As guests finally filter inside, the world shifts again back to its usual momentum, and the wedding continues. The show must go on after all. 

“Now this is truly a wedding to remember for all of us,” Renjun says into the microphone, earning a wave of laughter from the crowd. 

Inside the glasshouse is like being in a dream refracted through water. Rain streams down the curved panes, blurring the outside world. The ceremony space glows with more intimacy, as if the rushing torrent has forced everyone even closer together, whether they intended to be or not. 

Donghyuck watches as the crew rearrange the aisle and bring the only floral decorations they could salvage. When the path towards the makeshift altar is cleared, he sees the couple standing in no way he has imagined. 

Soaked at the edge of their pristine white suits, hems slightly darkened from the mix of rain and mud, shoes no longer appeared to be polished and flawless. Jeno looks like a sopping wet dog and Renjun's perfectly styled waves have fallen flat and dull. And yet, neither of them appear troubled. Rather, the entire situtation seems to amuse them.

Jeno looks at Renjun like he's the only thing that matters. Renjun smiles at Jeno like nothing in this world could possibly interrupt this moment. Their moment. 

Donghyuck feels a knot in his chest starting to loosen. 

“What a bunch of idiots,” he whispers to himself, endearment slipping into his voice. 

The ceremony resumes, and the glasshouse settles into a quiet that feels hallowed. Even the rain outside happens to soften into a light downpour to give the soon to be newlyweds a bit more mercy. The sound of raindrops tapping the glass roof turns into a pleasant background melody. 

Unfortunately, Donghyuck doesn’t get to appreciate the rain ASMR for long because Aunt Lin quickly takes over to sing the most horrendous rendition of Teresa Teng's The Moon Represents My Heart he has ever heard. 

Rain continues to pour, but by the time they move to the hotel banquet hall for the reception, it begins to feel distant. 

The chandeliers cast a golden hue throughout the room, tables are filled with food and laughter, and Aunt Lin continues her singing. The longer she keeps going, the more Donghyuck gets used to it. It's like exposure therapy. 

The newly married couple opens the celebration with their first dance that Donghyuck has watched them rehearse a few months ago. Renjun laughs mid-spin, hair retouched into an elegant bun, face glowing in pure bliss. Jeno has him by the waist, keeping his eyes locked on him.

People clap, Renjun's cousins cry, and Donghyuck watches the scene play from his seat, in his default slouched posture as he finally lets himself relax. 

“Well,” he breathes out to himself, picking up a large piece of tuna maki. “As long as they're enjoying themselves.”

He takes a mouthful of it and looks around. Then his eyes land on someone. 

Jaemin is standing at the corner of the hall, half-shadowed by the warm lighting, watching the married couple break loose into a livelier dance, pulling the guests to join them on the dance floor. Now they’re hollering as Renjun’s cousin, Si Cheng, performs a solo number. 

Jaemin's eyes are set on the celebration until they move to meet Donghyuck’s. 

The sudden contact is enough to keep him frozen. Time seems to stop, and so does the piece of maki halfway down his throat. Donghyuck’s mind goes frighteningly blank as terror surges through him. He coughs violently and starts gasping for air. His lungs burn. His heart pounds so hard it hurts. 

He bends forward,  coughing harder, tears gathering in his eyes and vision blurring at the edges. People nearby turn towards him in concern. Trying desperately to clear his airway, Donghyuck starts hitting his chest to force the food out, each ragged breath feeling thinner. Somewhere through the panic, he feels hands on his abdomen, steady and warm. 

A crowd begins to gather around him, and all Donghyuck can think is this is so, so humiliating. He revels in attention, but not like this. Even on Renjun and Jeno's big day, he somehow found a way to make everything about himself, huh?

So this is where it all ends, is the next thing Donghyuck can think of. 

At one point, he stops fighting it. 

They say the moment you are dying, your life flashes before your eyes, the brain replaying certain memories, like a final montage. The after credits. Donghyuck sees a lazy sunny day in Jeju, making kimchi with his mom. Then he is transported to a car, taking his siblings on a drive around Sokcho. Jisung just beat him at yet another match in League of Legends and he’s making tantrums. Soon after, he's in an arcade with Jeno, racing each other in one of those car simulators. In a second, he's traversing a meadow with Renjun. In the next, he's singing his heart out on stage, in front of thousands and thousands of people. 

And then it cuts to a normal day, just like any other day. He sees his hands folding fresh laundry. A faint sound of the television playing one of those afternoon shows hums in the background. He's sharing a laugh with someone, then Jaemin appears in his sight, folding a terribly shaped, disfigured frog with a towel. He says it’s like one of those frogs he dissected in biology class, then he begins croaking. 

Before the world narrows into noise and heat and even more panic, the last thing Donghyuck picks up is Jaemin's voice. Familiar, calling, pleading. But his throat is completely lodged now and he feels like he has truly stopped breathing. 

Donghyuck, stay with me!

And then the temperature drops, the silence splinters, and the world is cloaked in darkness.

~*~

Donghyuck wakes up gasping for air, dragging in a breath like he’s been underwater.

Then comes the knocking. It's sharp, repetitive, and gradually getting louder with every passing second. His head throbs with each sound, his body unbearably heavy as if he's made of rocks. 

“What just happened,” he mutters hoarsely and remembers a feeling that was just there, suddenly absent from his throat. He can speak. He can breathe. 

Huh. 

“Ah, ah, ah,” he vocalises, hand on his throat. There is a strange, lingering sensation there, like pressure that had once been real but is now ridden from existence. He could've sworn he choked on sushi. 

Unfortunately for him, he couldn't get his head around it with all the insistent knocking still happening behind his door. 

Donghyuck drags himself out of bed and pulls the door, only to find Jisung standing there with a closed fist suspended mid-air. 

“Hyung!” he says immediately, eyes wide, caught between surprise at how Donghyuck yanked the door open and frustration at how long it took him to answer.

“Jisung?” 

Perplexed, Donghyuck looks at his manager from head to toe. He could've sworn he was wearing the same thing yesterday. 

“Of course, it’s me. Who else would it be?” Jisung asks, stepping inside without hesitation. Donghyuck also could’ve sworn he said the same thing yesterday.

He holds out a bottle of water and a hangover relief drink, setting it on Donghyuck's bedside table. “Lucky for you Renjun hyung messaged me saying you might need these. You look like death.”

A sharp ache pulses through Donghyuck’s head. What the hell is this? He's experienced déjà vu before, but this feels different. It’s unsettling. 

Did he somehow survive choking on sushi, partied too hard, got himself drunk, and forgot everything else after blacking out?

“You tell me,” he says without thinking, then freezes. “Wait, didn't I just say that?”

Jisung raises a brow. “Say what?”

Donghyuck grabs both drinks with both hands and Jisung watches as he drinks nearly half the water bottle in one go. He takes a big swig of the hangover remedy bottle, but cannot ignore the uneasiness settling in his stomach. 

He runs his fingers through his hair then rubs his face. “What's going on? I feel weird, Jisung.”

“It's because you've been drinking. How many times have I told you to keep it in moderation?” An annoyed yet equally concerned expression flashes across Jisung's face. “Anyway, you might want to hurry up. It's a few minutes till 2PM.”

Hurry up for what? Last thing Donghyuck checked, he has an entire week off before he resumes working again. There isn't any official schedule until next Monday. 

“Do I have something in the afternoon?”

“You must be joking.”

“What?”

“Are you that mad Renjun hyung and Jeno hyung got you drunk?” Jisung asks, taking a seat by Donghyuck’s vanity. 

“What?” Donghyuck feels so stupid repeating himself like a broken record but he genuinely has no idea what’s happening. Is he in a simulation? 

“Hyung, seriously. You don't want to miss the ceremony.”

Donghyuck points at him immediately. After every prank that he has done to Jisung, he has finally learned how to act. Donghyuck is so proud of him. 

“I see how it is! This is a prank!” He throws his head back and calls towards the door. “Jeno, Renjun, you can come out now!”

Jisung quickly gets to his feet to hush him. “What are you doing?!”

The uneasiness now settles heavily in his gut and Donghyuck refuses to acknowledge it just yet. But there's only pure worry in Jisung's eyes, rattling his nerves. 

“Jisung,” he says slowly. “Have you ever experienced déjà vu?”

“Uh,” Jisung thinks, looking in different directions, thrown off by the random question. “Yes?”

Donghyuck nods to himself like this confirms a theory. He was just dreaming! That was a dream! A very realistic dream where he died but it's all good now, because that was all just a dream!

“That must be it. I must've been super drunk.”

Jisung makes a face. “Yeah, I could see that.”

Even while disoriented, Donghyuck forces himself into the bathroom to wash up, looking for anything that might chase away the fog in his head.

“I’ve been calling you the past few hours, actually,” Jisung states flatly, just as he did in his dream. “Thought you were busy. Turns out you were busy sleeping.” 

While still wrapping his head around what did and didn't happen, Donghyuck runs the tap, hoping the water would wash away the strange feeling that clings to his skin. 

“Anything else you need?” he hears Jisung call out from his room. 

For the wedding to go smoothly, Donghyuck prays, not wanting to go through the same level of stress that he just felt in his dream. He squeezes the same amount of toothpaste into his toothbrush. Then he steps into the shower. 

After a longer time scrubbing himself clean, Donghyuck exits the shower in a fuzzy bathrobe, finding Jisung gingerly taking out his suit from his closet. His heart still warms at the sight of Jisung taking care of him outside his managerial duties, though it also leaves him feeling a bit guilty. Donghyuck is not that difficult to work with, and he tries not to make Jisung's job harder than it already is with his own carelessness, but he hopes Jisung would stop worrying over him outside schedules when this is not supposed to be his job. 

His heart swells anyways. Jisung is just a good kid. 

“You really do love me, Jisungie!” he sings, throwing his arms around him instead of thanking Jisung for all his hard work. Some things don't have to be said as they are. 

“No, not really.” Jisung struggles to break free, but Donghyuck hugs him tighter, snuggling to him. 

“You're only saying that!” 

Donghyuck slips into the suit effortlessly afterwards, then goes through his usual skincare routine before working on his hair, pushing his hair off like he did in his dream. 

Then he startles when Jisung speaks again. 

“Saw your ex in the lobby, by the way.”

It’s almost frightening how closely reality is mirroring what he just dreamt of, but Donghyuck brushes the thought aside. Maybe he’s just remembering things differently.

“As I've been told.” 

“Just saying, in case you’re avoiding him.”

“Trust me, in my list of priorities, he's on the bottom tier,” Donghyuck retorts wearily. Then he catches sight of the familiar space-patterned tie resting neatly on top of Jisung's tailored suit. “Have I ever told you you have a really nice tie?

Jisung glances down at it, a shy smile tugging at his lips. He catches himself in the midst of it and clears his throat, quickly smoothening his expression. “Thanks, it's a gift.”

Donghyuck narrows his eyes, suspicion curling into a sneer. “You're not telling me who it's from are you?”

“Nope,” Jisung answers, shaking his head. “I’ll get going now. Let me know if you need anything else.”

“I’m good,” Donghyuck replies. “Thanks for stopping by.”

“I left some pills on your bedside table. In case you got a headache.”

This time, too, Jisung still takes care of him well, Donghyuck feels so warm and fuzzy inside. 

“Have I also told you I love you more than Renjun and Jeno right now?”

Jisung huffs out a laugh. “That’s only because they got you drunk.” 

Then just like that, the door clicks shut behind him. 

Donghyuck remains where he’s standing and scratches his head from the absurdity of it all, getting dried up hair gel stuck in his fingernails. 

“This is so fucking weird.”

Nonetheless, he finishes getting ready, as time keeps moving despite his confusion. Any similarities he spots between reality and what he thinks his mind just conjured up as he slept are promptly ignored. Donghyuck doesn't have time for that right now. 

By the time he arrives at the wedding venue, a perturbing sense of familiarity creeps back into his bones. White chairs are arranged along the aisle, the pillars are interwoven with leaves and petals, flowers and fabric hang overhead. The crew are moving exactly the way he expects them to. 

It's all too familiar; doubling the unease that had begun back in his hotel room. 

Donghyuck even spots Jeno in the same spot he found him in his dream. 

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be getting ready?” he catches himself saying as he announces his presence at Jeno's side. 

Jeno, as expected, is devoid of stress, though he looks nervous. With both hands in his pockets, he slowly surveys the garden. “Just wanted to have one last look. Make sure everything’s going smoothly.”

The same ground staff is checking the mic reception, and one is untwisting the cables on the grass. Same people, same actions. A knot of dread tightens in Donghyuck’s stomach.

“God, I sure hope so.” Donghyuck tears his eyes away from the scene and looks back at Jeno. “Renjun?”

“In his suite, getting makeup done.” He glances down at his wristwatch. “Woke up late, didn’t you?”

The muscles of Donghyuck's face tense. 

“Jeno, I just had the weirdest dream. It's scary.”

“Just as scary as that one?” Jeno says, eyes trailing off into the distance.

Donghyuck quirks a brow and hopes it's not who he thinks he is. Except that's exactly who it is. Of course. Of course.

“Yeah, I'm beyond horrified,” Donghyuck deadpans, watching Jaemin fiddle with his phone. But there's a tinge of truth in it. Nothing is making sense at all. 

But Jeno moves like he's not aware of anything being a repeat of itself. The same goes for everyone and everything else. 

He lets out a quiet chuckle before leaning closer. “Look, maybe this is the perfect time to talk things out.”

“At your wedding,” Donghyuck breathes out, because he cannot think of anything else to say in response. 

“At my wedding.”

“Yeah, I don't think so.”

“I think an intervention is necessary,” Jeno says with so much certainty, then something about Renjun making sure the planets and stars are aligned for this moment. Things will go easy breezy for sure, because the stars said so. 

For all he knows, the stars Renjun was talking about may have already exploded and now he’s cursed to repeat the same day he just lived yesterday. So much for easy breezy. 

“You sure he did his astro-computations, whatever you call it, correctly?”

“I think Renjun knows what he's doing,” Jeno replies without a shadow of a doubt. 

The florists entering the venue say otherwise though. 

“Then why are they bringing black roses?”

Jeno whips his head around. “What?!”

He leaves Donghyuck’s side momentarily and walks towards one of the attendants. Again, the conversation involves a lot of hand movements and vigorous head-shaking, but just as Donghyuck remembers, Jeno doesn’t show anger. The florists are quick to load back the wrong sets of flowers onto the trolley and hurry away. 

Donghyuck approaches them cautiously and hears the same explanation as before, that it’s a mix-up, and their flowers had been sent to the other side of the country. 

He pinches the bridge of his nose, headache creeping back up again. He realised he forgot to take Jisung’s Tylenol.

“Don't tell me these are for a goth-themed wedding.” 

“Apparently so.” 

Right. They said that too. 

Not missing a beat, Jeno pulls out his phone. “I'll call the nearest vendor. Pray they can do an urgent delivery.”

“Jeno,” Donghyuck says. “Make sure you say lily of the valley. Double confirm, triple confirm it. Or they'll probably just bring lilies without the valley or something.” 

Caught off guard, Jeno laughs as though Donghyuck was making a joke. “Oookay?”

And just as expected, Renjun appears by the time Jeno returns to Donghyuck;s side. 

“Why are you here?” 

Same timing, same question, same hair half done. 

And as if on cue, Chenle appears too, flushed and panicked, repeating the same issue about the singer and warning them not to enter the hotel lobby washroom at all cost. And much to Donghyuck’s persistent protests, Renjun suggests Aunt Lin to take over the role. 

Once again, Donghyuck follows Renjun to his suite and they have the same conversation. Something about gratitude and love and loving loud. This time though, Donghyuck finds himself observing Renjun more closely. How his hair has grown longer since the last time he’d seen him, how his cheeks have grown fuller, rosier, how his smile has become wider and brighter and much, much more confident. This is a new side to Renjun that Donghyuck hasn’t seen before. He’s open, but secured. He’s glowing. 

He does end the conversation a bit differently though.

“I’m happy for you, Renjun,” Donghyuck says softly, truthfully, but sneaks in a little joke to not make the moment more serious than it needs to be. “Not as happy as I was when I won a daesang, though.”

Renjun laughs with his whole chest, full. 

“Of course you are. Thank you, Donghyuck.”

Jeno manages to contact the same floral shop, efficient enough to deliver before the ceremony starts, but incompetent enough to make the exact same mistake. 

Why on earth are they still just lilies? 

As Chenle argues with the floral shop employee, Donghyuck tilts his head back and lifts his chin to the sky in silent prayer. It stretches overhead in a brilliant shade of vibrant azure, with barely a cloud in sight. Clearly not a sign that rain is on the way. 

Please, please, please don’t rain. Not this time. 

But minutes later, just as Aunt Lin starts singing, Donghyuck hopelessly watches as the abrupt deluge of rain sends the crowd scampering for shelter, dampness clinging to clothes and raindrops smudging mascaras. 

It's a royal mess that quickly reverses itself once they all gather in the glasshouse, and Renjun and Jeno turn it all around with their heartfelt vows, which Donghyuck has vaguely heard before. Not that he’s fully paying attention, still trying to make sense of what’s been happening. 

By reception, he deliberately keeps distance from all types of sushi laid out on the seafood counter. He doesn't want to look at it. Hell, even with his empty stomach, he doesn't even want to eat. It must have turned into a kind of phobia.

Instead, he drifts towards the open bar, watching Renjun and Jeno on the dance floor, swaying without so much as a sliver of space between them. Donghyuck is laughing at Jeno, almost tripping over his own feet when he feels a lingering presence at his side. 

He hopes it isn’t who he thinks it is, but he’d recognise that familiar summer scent of mixed citrus, amber, and musk anywhere. 

"You okay?" Jaemin asks softly, but hesitantly. "You don't look so good."

Donghyuck straightens his back and takes another sip of white wine. "I look fantastic. What do you mean."

Jaemin's eyes drop to the glass in Donghyuck's hand. 

"That's your fourth drink." 

Because only the buzz of alcohol makes him relax a bit, even with a lingering headache pounding at the back of his head. Gathering all the courage he can muster, Donghyuck finally makes himself meet Jaemin’s eyes. 

"What, you've been watching me?"

It might have been a mistake to look because now Jaemin is smiling and it makes Donghyuck's chest tighten a little. Damn, he still looks so good. 

"You're hard not to notice, superstar. Especially when you've been standing here for half an hour. People think you're holding up the queue."

That's nonsense. Donghyuck had been considerate enough to stand off to the side and let everyone have their own glass. Jaemin was--is definitely watching.

"I'm just... thirsty."

"People usually drink water."

Donghyuck leans in slightly, a little worn out, raising his glass. "Thank you for the advice, Doctor Na, but this is hydrating me quite well."

He plucks a glass from the champagne tower and offers it to Jaemin, who politely declines. Instead, he studies Donghyuck's face again. Donghyuck hates it when Jaemin does this, because it can only mean he's seeing what Donghyuck is trying so hard to keep hidden from everyone. That deep down, he is so terrified his dream was a scary premonition and that he’s fated to die at any given second. 

"Something's been bothering you."

Donghyuck lets out a dry laugh. They're standing at a dangerous distance now, with Jaemin inching closely for a better look at him. This is their first conversation in five years. Donghyuck is not so sure he's ready to drag it any longer, fingertips getting colder in anxiety. 

"Maybe it's the fact we're talking."

Yup, he's not doing this. Jeno's advice be damned, he's not prepared for this at all. This talking thing. He used to be good at talking. At least when it came to Jaemin. On any normal day he talks quite well, he carries interviews perfectly, knows how to communicate his ideas in recording rooms with producers. Donghyuck is a talker, but he would rather not do it. Not right now. 

"Donghyuck," Jaemin starts and Donghyuck instinctively steps back when he reaches forward ever so slightly. Because he is nothing but a coward, he pivots before Jaemin can finish.

He backs straight into an old man's protruding belly, sending him crashing into the champagne tower.

Time slows to a crawl. As glass ruptures into the air like glittering confetti, Donghyuck sees the shards suspended mid-air for a split second before gravity takes control. Pain explodes across the back of his head, his arms, his back, and then everywhere else, splitting his skin open in different places. 

He feels it again, the same sensation. 

It's probably cold from all the champagne spilling from his back, pooling under, and around him, soaking his clothes. There’s probably blood too; he doesn’t know, slowly losing consciousness. Everything has gone silent; he could hear a pin drop, the crash bringing the entire reception to a standstill. 

The last thing Donghyuck hears is the same voice calling out his name, getting louder as it rushes towards where he lies.

He feels the same warm hands on him and then------darkness.

~*~

Donghyuck wakes up with a sharp jolt, gasping the instant his eyes shoot open. The feeling of falling and crashing down as you drift off to sleep is not a foreign sensation, but this is entirely new. It's like being forcibly pulled back to consciousness mid-fall, his neck seized by some invisible hand, violently wrenching him back to reality. 

For a few seconds, he doesn't move at all, and the ringing silence is soon replaced by the sound of knocking. The same rhythm, carrying the same relentless energy as that of a debt collector pounding at the door. The same headache throbs behind his eye sockets, too. 

Almost tripping over tangled bedsheets, Donghyuck stumbles out of bed and lunges for the door.

Please don't let it be Jisung. Please don't let it be Jisung. Please don't let it be Jisung.

"Hyung!"

Donghyuck stops dead at the threshold, stomach dropping. 

"Jisung," he calls out shakily, hands grabbing his shoulders. "I think I’m going crazy."

“Right…” his younger manager drones, then shakes off from his grip to step inside the room with the same stride, carrying the same bottle of water and the same hangover remedy. 

“Lucky for you Renjun hyung messaged me saying you might need these. You look like death.”

The words hit him one by one. Having heard those for what already seems like the third time, Jisung sounds almost like a battery-powered robot that only speaks according to how he's programmed. 

Initially, the two bottles come to him as his saving grace, but now Donghyuck is afraid to see the same brands plastered across their labels. He takes them at once, though, hoping they will dull the headache clawing behind his eyes and to some extent, clear his mind a bit to properly make sense of what is currently happening. 

Donghyuck’s gaze drops to himself, still wearing the same black pajamas that he wore yesterday--two days ago--and then at Jisung who's wearing the same damn space tie. His pulse stutters. He wonders if years of sleep deprivation have finally caught up to him and finally driven him insane.

"Maybe I need to go to a mental hospital," he utters more to himself, exhaustion and panic fighting over which emotion will surface first. 

Jisung doesn't react like it's strange at all, probably thinking this is one of those Haechan Overdramatic Outbursts that only come out when it's morning or when he's extremely tired or both. 

"Sure, if you want to miss the wedding." The words land too cleanly for them to sound like a deliberate joke. 

The empty water bottle crumples with a hollow crunch as Donghyuck's fingers tighten around it. 

"Jisung," he says carefully. "What day is it today?"

"23rd of July," Jisung answers after a pause. "Uh… Hyung, is everything okay?"

Donghyuck doesn't respond, his eyes drifting to Jisung's tie again. 

The horrifying consistency hits him like a brick and he really, really doesn't want to acknowledge the absurdity of the situation. He internally panics as every clue lays itself out neatly before him. The second time could have been a coincidence, just some bizarre daydream. But the third time and it might just be real. A waking nightmare.

"This can't be happening," he whispers in disbelief, before he grabs his suit and steps into the bathroom, because there is nothing else he can think of doing otherwise. 

Suit up and hair done up half-assedly, Donghyuck subconsciously walks down to the garden, as if by muscle memory. But halfway there, he stops in his tracks, thinking that walking into the same sequence might be a trap and he might be walking heedlessly into a series of repetitions once again.

Instead, he walks straight to an adjacent garden, much smaller, quieter and devoid of human activity, with only butterflies keeping him company, flitting from flower to flower. 

Donghyuck stands there for a long time before he could breathe and sort through his thoughts.

"Okay," he mutters to himself, pressing his fingers to his chin in deep contemplation. "What happened is I died. I really died. Without a doubt. Twice."

It's preposterous. He actually came back from the dead. He thought respawning was only possible in League of Legends, but instead of a 50-second cool down, he woke up to the same day almost instantly. 

His breathing turns uneven as he follows the thought to its inevitable conclusion. This could only mean one thing.

"Am I in a time loop?"

It sounds ridiculous when said out loud. Such a concept only happens in movies and story books and made up Reddit stories, but that's exactly what is happening to him. What other way can he expain it? 

His mind unhelpfully dredges up fragments of the movies he used to watch with Jaemin, where time loops always came with neat explanations and emotional breakthroughs and protagonists who somehow always knew what to do. Except Donghyuck may or may not be smart enough to break free from this. 

There's also the fact that he never actually watched those movies properly. Because Jaemin was always distracting him and rendering the plot completely irrelevant. Or was it him distracting Jaemin. One that involved a lot of touching, hands wandering over bare skin, warmth filling up every corner of Donghyuck's body. 

Anyway, bottom line is he wasn't paying attention to whatever that guy from Groundhog Day did to get himself to see tomorrow again. There's really not much to remember when instead of the screen, all he's seeing is Jaemin on top of him, lodged between his legs, teeth on his neck. 

He wants to deny all of it. Convince himself this is just another dream, and he will eventually wake up to normalcy. 

But there is no use fooling himself when all the evidence says otherwise.

By every shred of logic, if logic can even be any help in a situation so irrational, every time loop in fiction follows the same rules, just packaged differently: find the trigger, fix the mistake, break the cycle, resolve emotional conflict, go through character development, or just accept fate. 

Donghyuck doesn't want to accept fate if it means being trapped here forever. He got an important music gig in literally a week. He's meeting Baekhyun for fucks sake! Baekhyun!

He raises his head and looks at the clear blue sky. Fix the mistake. Perhaps he'll start from there. He already got himself a headstart from two lives ago, it might get easier this time around. 

If this really is a loop, then there has to be a weak point. So Donghyuck heads straight to where Jeno is, determined to fix the first of the many problems that are about to recur.

"The flowers--" he blurts out immediately, no hi, hello, or whatnot, breath slightly uneven. But of course, the wrong flowers are already there. Charcoal-coloured and bulbous in utter mockery. Donghyuck is starting to see black roses as his least favourite flower. 

Jeno lets out a sigh and reaches for his phone, tapping on the screen. “I'll call the nearest vendor. Pray they can do an urgent delivery.”

Donghyuck steps closer at once, urgency creeping into his voice. "You have to avoid the shop called Petal Pushers at all costs! Actually, why would you even pick a shop with a name like that?"

"Donghyuck, I haven't contacted anyone yet."

"But you will, and now you won't. Pick literally anyone else. Someone who knows the difference between a lily and a lily of the valley!"

"Okay, okay, calm down," Jeno says placatingly before stepping away to call a shop named Flying Kiss. 

"I'm just making sure," Donghyuck mutters to no one in particular. 

Renjun arrives soon after, announcing his presence saying he's only there to see if things are going smoothly and Donghyuck desperately prays for it more than the couple who is actually about to get married. 

Donghyuck wastes no time. 

"The wedding singer is having diarrhea so there won't be a singer," he says in one breath, then barrels on before anyone can interrupt him. "I can sub instead so please let me do it."

Renjun only shakes his head. 

"You just ended a tour, Hyuck. Also I feel bad. We let you drink so much last night. Let Aunt Lin ruin everybody's eardurms. It will be a funny memory."

Donghyuck will be a funny memory once things go wrong and get him killed again. 

His expression tightens, getting irritated. "You cannot be serious. Are you actually willing to ruin your wedding day?"

An adverse reaction threatens to come out of Renjun but he doesn’t let it show for a mere second, instead flashing him a small smile. "It's not going to be ruined if everyone's having fun."

It's no use. Donghyuck is defenseless when Renjun looks at him with his wide, upward-gazing eyes, sunlight caught in their reflection. He can't believe his soft spot for Renjun is going to be his own undoing and he's going to fail again. 

"Well, okay. If you insist."

Somewhere behind them, Chenle appears again with the same flushed cheeks, already speaking before he’s fully within earshot.

"Renjun, don't get mad but I have something to tell you and we're working on it right now--"

Renjun's concern is just the same as before. 

“What? Did Jeno lose the rings?”

Donghyuck cuts in, already knowing what Chenle will say next. "Renjun's aunt is subbing for the wedding singer."

"No, that's not it." Chenle shakes his head quickly and Donghyuck's heart drops. What do you mean that's not it? 

"The photographer got food poisoning. He suddenly can't make it."

The new information punches through everything else and the summer air blows a cold draft all at once. 

"What," Donghyuck breathes, unable to hide his puzzlement. 

A slight frown creases Renjun's face. "Is there someone we can get last minute?"

Chenle nods, pulling out his phone. "I'm already on it. I'm waiting for a few responses." 

Donghyuck doesn't move for a second, his mind tracking. Why is there suddenly a new variable?

"This didn't happen before," he thinks out loud.

Renjun tilts his head. "What didn't?"

"Nothing."

His headache announces itself again, creeping into the back of his skull. Do time loops usually work like this? Donghyuck doesn't know much, but he's sure the whole point of a loop is repetition is supposed to be exact, and it's a prior action that changes the course of things. Not the course reinventing itself to mess up with him and throw him off. 

For a moment there, Donghyuck almost thought he got things under control. 

"Also," Donghyuck says abruptly, as everyone starts dispersing. "We have to move to the glasshouse. It's going to rain soon."

Almost comically, the three of them look up to the cloudless azure sky, which shows absolutely no sign that "it's going to rain soon". Chenle looks at Donghyuck like he’s crazy. 

Renjun blinks. "How do you know that?"

"Uh," Donghyuck pauses just a fraction too long. "Weather report. Heard it just now on the radio." Which is a terrible excuse because there’s no radio in any of their rooms, at the lobby, or anywhere, for that matter. He must've looked like a clown in front of all of them.

Renjun insists on walking the aisle outdoors. When everyone except him disappears to get ready, Donghyuck feels dread for the millionth time it's turning into a default emotion. 

Then he catches sight of the flowers being carried in, and his chest spikes in terror. 

Still lilies, still wrong. He wants to scream at a petal. Maybe even punch it. 

Frustration and fear twists into an unexplainable feeling in his gut. Why are they still lilies? This makes no sense! Even when he tries to correct things, the world is adamant on repeating the same mistakes. 

Donghyuck is starting to think there's really no way out of this.

Especially when the rain comes regardless, and the garden collapses into disorder. It's the same old scene. Floral decorations falling apart, water-heavy suits, drenched skirts, flat hairdos, a mud-stained floor. 

And through it all, Donghyuck watches Renjun and Jeno smile anyway, smiling through the dirt and soaked hems and chaos that should have ruined everything but didn't. He exhales slowly, a crushing weight sitting on his chest as he watches them smiling and laughing. 

He wants to be happy because they're happy. But even as he tells that to himself, in a weak attempt to make himself feel a bit better, he knows that that happiness is part of the loop too. 

The stifling trepidation making a home in his stomach seems to have consumed Donghyuck’s insides, leaving him painfully hungry. Now that he thinks about it, he hasn’t had a proper meal for days, even when technically, he’s had dinner yesterday. But the real yesterday has long passed. So Donghyuck eats while avoiding sushi like the plague, already categorising that mound of rice as a code red threat.

It's the same hall layout, the same trays, the same cutlery, the same buffet that at first glance appears harmless, but Donghyuck knows that it is far from it. He walks over to the open bar again, more cautious this time, avoiding the champagne tower and instead waiting for a waiter to walk by with a tray of alcohol. He should probably avoid any kind of liquor altogether, but they’re the only substance that could soothe his nerves.

The noise of the reception wraps around him like static. He hears clinking glasses, distant laughter, the sound of music playing, and cheers erupting as Si Cheng steals Renjun’s thunder on the dance floor. 

Donghyuck leans against the wall and tries his best to blend into the background, in hopes that he can conceal himself, spare him from another accident waiting to happen. He feels an illusion of safety in his own spot, until his bubble is burst open with a voice. 

"You okay?" Jaemin made him almost spill his drink. "You don't look so good."

Donghyuck turns his head slowly, and almost humours Jaemin by saying, Well won't you look at that! A correct answer! 

"I look fantastic," Donghyuck says instead. 

They did say he looks good when it's like he got run over by a truck. Fans dig that half-beaten up, half-dead aesthetic for some reason. 

As always, Jaemin takes notice of the wine in Donghyuck’s hand.

"That's your fourth drink."

"Of course, you've been watching me."

Jaemin's mouth twitches slightly, almost amused.

"You're hard not to notice, superstar. Especially when you've been standing here for half an hour." Oh, so now he's omitted the part of him holding up the queue now that he has deliberately hidden himself from view. Even so, he cannot escape Jaemin's searching snake-ish eyes. He knows he's been looking.

Donghyuck exhales through his nose, putting almost all his weight against the wall behind him. "I'm just thirsty."

"Usually people drink water," Jaemin remarks. Again. 

"This is water," Donghyuck merely says, swirling his drink lazily.

When a waiter passes by, he picks up a glass and casually hands it to Jaemin. "Take this. So you can leave me alone." Don't get him wrong, Jaemin's company is not unwelcome. He just needs time for himself to strategise. This is a matter of literal life and death. 

Jaemin doesn't take it immediately. His gaze stays on Donghyuck a little longer than necessary, tracing every line, like he's dissecting him, opening him up with a scalpel. 

"Something's been bothering you."

Of course, he would notice. 

Of course, Jaemin still knows how to look at him and see the parts he is desperately trying to keep hidden. 

Donghyuck exhales sharply, and suddenly he's defenseless, and everything just spills out. 

"The wrong flowers got delivered, Aunt Lin is destroying everybody's eardrums, it poured like crazy, my socks are wet and I can’t stand it, and the substitute photographer is terrible. Couldn't they have found someone better last minute? You’re waaay better."

The rant comes out too fast, but Jaemin listens to every word, taking it all in and nodding along thoughtfully. 

"But look, Donghyuck, aren't Jeno and Renjun having a lot of fun?" he says gently, watching the now married couple doubling in laughter as Jeno's crazy uncle challenges Si Cheng to a showdown and busts out questionable dance moves. 

They do look happy. It's just that they could be happier.

“I think Aunt Lin is quite entertaining,” Jaemin continues. “If it bothers you that much, why don’t you sing with her?”

Now that he says it, Donghyuck doesn’t think that’s a bad idea. 

Jaemin hums softly, pondering. "And about the photographer, maybe you should've asked me to sub. I got a camera."

Donghyuck pauses, staring at him, dumbfounded. 

"If it makes you uncomfortable asking me for help, just think of it as me helping Jeno and Renjun."

"It's not that," Donghyuck says. "It's just... Are we on talking terms, Jaemin? For me to ask for help?"

Jaemin startles slightly, but composes himself. "I didn't cut contact, Donghyuck. You did. I could still talk to you even if you wouldn’t." 

"I didn't--"

But the words die halfway, because technically, Jaemin is not wrong. Though in Donghyuck's defense, what is there to talk about after a breakup? He no longer has the obligation to update Jaemin about his day, or the kitten that he saw earlier this morning, or the movie trailer he randomly watched on Youtube that he knew is right up Jaemin's alley, and vice versa. Isn't that how breakups go? He wouldn't really know; Jaemin was his first and only serious committed relationship. 

Also, Jaemin didn't talk to him after the breakup either! 

Just letting the conversation end right there, silence settles between them, and Donghyuck finds himself following Jaemin's gaze without realising it. Before he can figure out what Jaemin is looking at, Jaemin speaks again. 

"Your boyfriend?"

Donghyuck squints and tries to find this mysterious boyfriend he apparently has been dating this whole time. Then he spots his awkward plus one, standing by the dessert aisle, seemingly debating between a mango pudding and a chocolate cake. 

So much for being a plus one.

Jisung barely stayed by Donghyuck's side the whole day, too busy with things that Donghyuck doesn't even bother to pry him about. If Jisung wants to talk about it, then he will share it with him himself. He did tell Jisung to move more freely and enjoy the day without worrying too much over what Donghyuck is doing. Well, isn’t he obedient. 

"Yes, and we're so in love and tonight he's going to propose to me and tomorrow we'll fly to Greece and get married."

Jaemin snickers. "Without inviting me?"

"Your designated pigeon messenger probably ate the invitation," Donghyuck replies flatly. "You already know the answer, why are you still asking me?"

Jaemin doesn't react to the deflection. "I just want to see how you're doing." 

If somebody's been treating you well, Donghyuck almost hears but it must be his delusions getting ahead of themselves. There are also times when he wonders if Jaemin has found someone else, someone who can give him more than Donghyuck could offer. 

The upbeat music fades, replaced by a softer, melodic tune, and the crowd settles into a gentler calm as the lights dim, directing everyone’s attention towards the projected screen. Jeno's older sister is now playing a romantic montage of Renjun and Jeno's recorded moments. 

Without prying his eyes away from the screen, Donghyuck presses his back further into the wall, getting comfortable. 

"Try again by asking how I'm doing. In which I'll reply with I'm doing great. How about you?"

"Same old," Jaemin replies, much quieter. 

The phrase hangs in the air. Same old doesn't feel like a throwaway answer, but Donghyuck finds it difficult to grasp what it actually means. What does same old even mean? How would Donghyuck know what same old means anymore? 

A person could change in a matter of months. What more, years. To Donghyuck, same old would mean a lazy tuna fried rice for breakfast, going on a drive on a random Tuesday night, visiting a hole-in-a-wall cafe the next day, study notes and sticky-notes mixed with sheet music, an almost dying washing machine that they kept telling themselves to replace but continued using anyway until it stopped working exhaustively. That’s what same old means to Donghyuck. And that doesn’t exist anymore. 

Jaemin must have caught on to what Donghyuck's silence means and supplements some  context. "Just the usual. Hospital rounds, hours of surgery, all the boring stuff.” He shrugs slightly. “I do find time to sightsee when I'm free. I was just in Japan last month. This also counts as a short break."

“Still taking those language classes?”

“Not really, I’m a bit busy.”

"Yet you want to sub for the photographer and work part time."

"Hey, I'm not asking to be paid. It's called doing my friends a favor."

"That's noted." Donghyuck mentally files that information for future use. "While we're at it, do you know a good flower shop nearby? Since it's close to your neighbourhood and all."

Actually, did Jaemin ever move houses? Donghyuck has terribly outdated information. 

Jaemin doesn’t hesitate to pull out his phone and scrolls through it for a few seconds. He shows Donghyuck a landing page of a flower shop, labelled to be a few blocks away from here. 

"This is my mom's favourite shop."

"Not the sunflower shop anymore?"

The words slip out before he can stop himself from reaching for something that belongs to the past. The moment he hears himself, he immediately regrets it. 

Jaemin doesn't seem the least bothered by it though. "They closed a few years back. I know, I was devastated too."

Donghyuck presses on, more optimistic now that he has finally found useful information. "Do they do last-minute orders?"

"Depends on the scale," Jaemin answers, then looks at Donghyuck dubiously. "Why? Giving flowers to someone?"

“Don't be ridiculous. It's for the wedding."

Jaemin raises an eyebrow slightly. 

"Which wedding?"

Donghyuck lets himself play with Jaemin for a short bit. "My wedding. Oh my god, Jaemin, focus. We just talked about this."

The laugh that follows almost makes Donghyuck weak, low, airy, and has a charming cadence to it. 

"Sorry, I don't usually remember events I'm not invited to. I can get petty though. You might want to bring umbrellas if I decide to send rain wherever it is." 

Donghyuck lets out a short laugh.

"Are you sure about him though?" Jaemin’s tone shifts, suddenly much more serious. Donghyuck blinks once, wondering if they're still doing a bit. 

"Who are we talking about?"

Jaemin holds his gaze, unwavering, and Donghyuck’s amusement falters. 

"Jisung?"

Where did the old Jaemin go? He used to catch jokes so easily, humour always coming so naturally to him. But then again, a lot can change in five years. 

"I don't want you to get hurt," Jaemin tells him, his voice steadier as he holds his ground.

Donghyuck shakes his head, firm enough to cut the conversation short. "You don't have to worry about me."

Jaemin wants to say something back, but before he can, the crowd in front of Donghyuck shortly parts. Emerging from the sea of people, Renjun reaches out and catches Donghyuck by the wrist. 

"Hey, let's dance!" 

Pulled forward, Donghyuck glances over his shoulder and Jaemin gives him the fainest nod, urging him to join the floor. 

"What was that?” Renjun calls over the music as he drags Donghyuck towards the centre. “Igniting an old flame?" 

"Shut up."

For a brief moment, Donghyuck loses himself to the music, to the smiles, and to Renjun's hand in his. Like all is good in the world again. Where time flows the way it's supposed to, where yesterday was yesterday, today is today, and tomorrow will be tomorrow. 

It’s perfect, until every hair on his body stands on end, an instinctive warning, alarming him that something is about to go wrong. Ringing fills his ears as he frantically searches for where the next threat will come from. 

Then he looks up.

The chandelier overhead, perfectly still just moments ago, is swaying. Without any gust of wind, it’s swaying. Then he hears a snap.

Everything happens within a split second. Donghyuck shoves Renjun out of the way, just as Jaemin lunges forward, catching him by the elbows. He locks into Jaemin’s wide, startled eyes, then a crushing weight crashes into him, a blow so immediate, he can barely register the impact.

And then, there’s nothing. What's left is what it's always been. Cold darkness. 

Shit. He got distracted.

~*~

Donghyuck can never get used to dying. It's impatient, unkind, and merciless. He wakes up again with a violent jolt, head pounding even harder this time, right at the base of his skull. That 200-kilogram hotel chandelier really hit him bullseye. 

That's probably the most gruesome death so far. Donghyuck doesn't even want to imagine what the next one would be--

No. He quickly cuts the thought off. He’s not dying this time. Right now, he's well equipped with important information that will have him straight up graduating from the time loop asylum. 

This time, Donghyuck is setting things right.

But first, he needs to deal with the pesky knocking happening behind his door. 

He opens the door quickly and snatches the water bottle and hangover medicine from Jisung's hands.

"Hyu--"

"Thanks, Jisung, I love you, I'll see you in a bit. Sick tie, by the way. Okay, bye!" 

The words come out in a single breath before he slams the door on Jisung's face. He downs both bottles to the last drop, then quickly suits up. 

At the wedding venue, Donghyuck doesn't hesitate this time, and doesn't wait for the anomalies to appear. He arrives with sheer determination, ready to outrun causality, and quickly targets the nearest fixed point in the repeated timeline.

Jeno barely gets to have a word out before Donghyuck cuts him off, words spilling fast enough for Jeno to understand on the spot.

"They're going to send the wrong flowers, so you have to contact this shop specifically," he says, slipping a piece of paper into Jeno's hand with the floral shop's contact scribbled on it. "The wedding singer has diarrhea and Renjun is going to suggest Aunt Lin to sing which is fine, but I also want to have a go at it and do a duet with her. It's going to rain so just in case it does or doesn't pour, have umbrellas on standby, but I’d prefer we just move straight to the glasshouse. And the photographer has food poisoning so you should ask Jaemin to sub for him. He brought his camera."

Donghyuck manages to get that all out before he runs out of breath, gasping for air. It took a while for Jeno to react.

"What the fuck," he says slowly. 

Donghyuck immediately tries to placate him.

"I know it's a lot, but this is for you, Renjun, and my peace of mind. Please, I'm literally begging you."

Jeno blinks again, then narrows his eyes slightly. "You've been talking to Jaemin?"

Of all things to latch onto? Donghyuck could only sigh.

"In a way," he says vaguely. "It doesn't matter. Just tell him."

They stay like that for a second, Donghyuck watching Jeno as he tries to make sense of what he’s just been told. Then right on cue, the black roses enter the scene again, and Jeno realises that Donghyuck, like the many times before, is not fooling around. He gives in and takes out his phone.

After minutes of waiting and praying, for the very first time, something shifts and Donghyuck feels a weight lift off his chest. We Bloom Flower Shop delivered and came around, carrying the right, prettiest set of lilies of the valley, the florists placing them by the aisle and by the floral arch, completing the picture.

"Oh my god," he gasps, hand over his mouth. "They actually got it right."

Chenle appears beside him like a ghost and gestures for him to follow towards the podium, where Aunt Lin is already waiting for her duet partner. Donghyuck warmly greets her as he steps onto the platform. 

"How nice of you to join me, Haechan," she chirps giddily. 

"What do you mean, Auntie?" Donghyuck giggles. "You've known me for ages. Just Donghyuck is fine."

Donghyuck manages to get the hang of Teresa Teng's The Moon Represents My Heart from the three times he has heard Aunt Lin butcher it, trying to take the lead and guide her to reach the right notes. It's still disastrous, but they are able to finish the song better than the previous tries. 

And rain still pours, much later, much more forgiving, letting the couple meet by the floral arch before it starts drizzling. This time, it comes down but with minimal damage, and the guests find themselves dry under their umbrellas and makeup-intact as they take the path to the glasshouse where Renjun and Jeno will complete their vows. 

An undisturbed peace follows all the way to the reception, but Donghyuck keeps his guard up. He steers clear away from the food, the drinks, and even makes sure no inanimate object will fall on top of him again. 

From a distance, Donghyuck watches Jaemin move through the hall with his camera, capturing Renjun and Jeno showing just how disgustingly in love they are with each other, hand in hand, sharing gazes with honey dripping from their eyes.

He's in his element like this. Jaemin has always loved to take pictures of people more than himself. 

Chenle nudges Donghyuck's shoulder, breaking his trance.

"It's good you got Jaemin agreeing to help."

Donghyuck shrugs. "Well, he offered."

"He did?"

"I mean, he would've offered to help."

He continues to watch Jaemin press the shutter, moving from subject to subject. An elderly couple, a young teenager showing off her dress, and kids chasing each other around the hall. 

Donghyuck keeps his fingers crossed. That this time, time is different. Time is kind. Time is normal. 

"Hey, Donghyuck, they're asking you to sing," Chenle calls out, nudging him again, and Donghyuck obliges. He never refuses an opportunity to sing. He can hold a concert here if they wanted him to. 

The microphone is cold to his touch, but it's familiar. Only having songs about heartache and getting freaky, he chooses to cover a romantic ballad. The instrumental starts to play and Donghyuck lets himself get lost to the melody, singing Sung Si Kyung's Every Moment Of You. 

When you breathe, a warm breeze blows. 

He searches for Renjun and Jeno, and finds them by the head table, Renjun's small hands encased in Jeno's larger palms. 

When you laugh, dazzling sunlight shines.

Renjun rests his head on Jeno's shoulder, and Donghyuck catches himself smiling.

Because you stayed there, because it’s you.

Donghyuck looks away to interact with the audience, thoughtfully meeting eyes with the guests, smiling at them as he goes. 

Because you sometimes lean quietly on my shoulder. You know, I’m so happy.

Then someone stands out in the crowd, camera obscuring half of his face. After pressing the shutter, he lowers down the device, gazing at Donghyuck with wistful eyes. They seem to hold something so distant, but still present. Donghyuck wants to dive into them and see what memories they carry, what emotions are encased in there. There were times Jaemin looked at him like that too, so many years ago. Like Donghyuck was somewhere out of reach when he was lying down so, so close to him.  

Time passes and stops with you.

Then, comes a shout from the other side of the room, grumbling, loud in frustration. A middle-aged man having tantrums like a child. 

"Why’s the food all vegetables?!"

Donghyuck's singing cuts in half. 

You have got to be shitting me. And then, before he can even get to the next verse, the microphone cracks violently in his hand. 

Electricity shoots through the system and his body locks. He doesn't know which came first, was it the spasms, the erratic flashes, the smell of burnt flesh, his internal organs shutting down, or his vision starkly turning white.

The last thing he hears is always the same, sound cutting through everything else, sharp and desperate, trying to drag him back to reality. 

Jaemin still calls his name. Darkness still engulfs him. 

~*~

Fuck, is his first thought. And then his second. And then his third. And then a couple more times after that for good measure. And then Donghyuck shrinks into himself in frustration on his queen-sized bed. 

Why is he back to square one? He did everything! Everyone was happy! Why can't he just go back to the way everything was before? Why is he still hearing the same maddening knock?

Did Renjun's stars and planets curse him?  

Trying not to break down, he takes a few breathing exercises. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. By no means is he snapping at Jisung when he is nothing but unaware of the current conundrum Donghyuck has been stuck in for the past five days. 

"Jisung, I'm sorry, I'm not feeling well so could you come back later," he weakly speaks through the small gap once he opens the door.

"Oh. Okay, hyung," Jisung says, a bit down. "I'll leave the water bottle here. Let me know if you need anything."

Donghyuck needs tomorrow to come. That's what he needs. But Jisung can’t give him that now can he?

He really thought he could break free from this, but whatever positivity he had before has slowly rotted into exhaustion. In fiction, five repeated days seems like nothing, but it's wearing him down piece by piece. Repeating the same day over and over is not fun. Dying over and over is far from fun. 

Donghyuck loves Renjun and Jeno, but if he had a choice, he could think of countless days he’d rather relive endlessly than their wedding. He wants a repeat of a past solo trip to Bali, or a day-off bedrotting, or that time he went soul-searching just driving around without a destination nor a map. Why couldn't he have those days instead?

Logic has died at least five times already, so he doesn't bother questioning anything anymore. What's the point? He fixes one thing and another problem pops out like an uninvited guest. An all-vegetable buffet? Really? There are bigger problems in the world than an all-vegetable buffet. Why would fucking vegetables be the cause of his entire body being fried like chicken tenders!

That does it.

Donghyuck is not fixing anything. After this wedding, he's out.

He makes up his mind not to interfere with anything. And yet, he notices his previous sacrifices were not made in vain. The right flowers arrived this time, the wedding singer has not turned the hotel lobby toilet a biohazard, and the photographer miraculously recovered from food poisoning or the ailment didn't exist in the first place. 

Even the sky was kind, only letting out a drizzle, so the crowd had time to open their umbrellas, and slowly make their way to the glasshouse with perfect composure.

Donghyuck merely watches, then skips the reception entirely. 

He gets into his car, grips the wheel tightly, hoping that it would give him a semblance of gaining control over his life. Then he drives away, the hotel quickly shrinking from his side mirror as he goes further and further away. Windows rolled down, wind in his hair, and speakers blasting The Jackson 5’s I Want You Back, he's free. 

For a brief moment, it's like he has won. For a brief moment, there’s liberation. He’s invincible. 

Until a seagull crashes into his windshield and he loses all control of the wheel, which is probably a dark, cruel metaphor for his life. 

And what would you know. Amidst the broken glass, the dirt, the smell of burnt tires, the metallic taste in his mouth, and broken limbs, darkness welcomes him like an old friend.

~*~

Donghyuck wonders if it would be any different if Jisung had used the doorbell instead of sending him into unrest and panic first thing in the morning. The first thing in a lot of mornings. 

He jolts awake again, feeling phantom pain on his forehead and his chest, remnants of the crash that happened just seconds ago. More than frustration or confusion, he's staring at the ceiling with a tinge of guilt and self-doubt. 

Is it him? Is he the problem?

The ceiling stares at him back as he lies unmoving on the soft queen bed.  Then he reaches for his phone to do what he probably should've done days...yesterdays--todays? ago. He phones Jisung.

"Stop knocking," he croaks, exhaustion weighing down every word.

"Maybe if you actually answered your phone!" Donghyuck hears Jisung’s voice both through the phone and faintly from behind his door. 

"Sorry, I've been...busy. Can you just leave the water and hangover drink by the door?"

There is a shuffle on the other end of the line before Jisung speaks again. "How- How did you know?"

“Lucky for me Renjun messaged you saying I might need them. I look like death.”

“Wha–”

"Turns out I've been an immortal mutant this whole time, Jisung," Donghyuck simply says, actually not dismissing the probability of that statement. He hears Jisung sigh, then pictures him rolling his eyes while running his long fingers through his long fringe. 

"Okay, whatever," he doesn't press on further. "Call me if you need anything else."

Donghyuck goes back to staring into the emptiness of the ceiling. This is far more interesting than discovering new ways to die. 

Should he not attend the wedding? Is he not supposed to leave? But also, is he not supposed to stay? Is he...the variable that ruins everything just by existing in the first place?

His thoughts wander somewhere darker, places they have never taken him before. Donghyuck starts to spiral. 

Is this punishment? For having feelings for Renjun when he was younger? For thinking that marriage is fake, nothing more than a transactional social construct that reinforces paternity and is therefore useless and unnecessary? 

Donghyuck had already made peace with marriage a long time ago. Back when Renjun and Jeno were seriously considering it, making mood boards, shoving them in his face, pestering him for his opinions. 

It sounds insane. It sounds mad.

With the clarity of someone who has run out of reasonable interpretations, Donghyuck resolves to avoid the wedding altogether, in hopes that it will save him. 

If being there kills him, and if deliberately escaping the scene does the same damage, then keeping himself hidden while still being in the same place should fix it.

Right?

He doesn't even go near the garden, expertly avoiding any of the guests and sneaking out like a rat. He moves through corridors cautiously as if he's in Spy Kids 2. His phone doesn't stop buzzing in his pocket, so he throws that brick into a pool without looking back. 

Eventually, he locks himself in a fancy bathroom stall, because at least in here, no one will find him. It's the safest place on earth. Not in his bedroom where Jisung would definitely ask the concierge for a spare hotel key and discover him skipping the ceremony. Not even the sauna, which Donghyuck briefly considers to hide in, until he imagines the room temperature turning faulty and steaming him to death. Like he’s an egg. God, he’s so fucking hungry. 

So the bathroom is definitely safer. It's not like he's going to accidentally fall into the toilet and give himself the swirlie of death. 

He checks his watch and the wedding should start in a few minutes. If things go well, he'll just have to reason with Renjun and Jeno that there was an emergency and he had to step out for a bit. Right now, he's putting himself first.

For a few minutes, it's quiet. Too quiet. But quiet is good. Quiet is comforting. It's the perfect ambience for the book that he grabbed from the hotel library. 

As he flips a page, he hears the bathroom open, followed by a rustle from the cubicle right next to him. Then come sounds that are clearly not bathroom related. Shit, he shouldn't have thrown his phone and put his earphones on. 

Donghyuck jumps when the wall separating their cubicles rattles with a loud thud, and then sounds of whimpering, a lot of moaning, and lots and lots of sucking. Oh my god, Donghyuck wants to die. 

Wait, no. No! Donghyuck does not want to die! Erase, erase, erase.

And then he notices something drop beneath the divider. A tie decorated with the moon and the stars, far from the once pristine, ironed condition he's always seen it, now rumpled from wear. 

Oh, Jisungie, Donghyuck thinks with a scoff. This is what you've been hiding from me?

After what feels like forever, Donghyuck, imprisoned inside a chamber of unchaste sounds of ragged breathing and his own desperate attempts to focus on his damn book, he hears Jisung cut through the mix of whimpers.

"Oh, God… Chenle..."

Donghyuck is not even the least surprised. So this is why Chenle kept appearing flushed and breathless? Not because he was running around trying to keep the entire wedding under wraps? These kids...

He tries to sound them out, blocking any unwanted noises so he can read his book. And then halfway through a page, an excruciating pain has seized his body. His chest tightens without warning, and cold sweat starts forming the back of his neck when he realises he is having a hard time breathing, slowly feeling enervated. 

Turns out he isn't safe anywhere and that he is a danger to himself. 

He hears the main bathroom door swing open and before everything collapses into darkness again, he takes a whiff of a scent that could have been impossible to travel that far, into his personal nook. 

The same scent of fruit and flower and wood. It reminds him of Monday mornings, tenderness, arms wrapped around him, clinging in the sheets. It's the last memory before Donghyuck falls back to nothingness. It’s just so extremely painful. 

~*~

Donghyuck doesn't even think about the chest pain and the abrupt jolt back into the living on the seventh time he’s doomed to repeat a God-forsaken wedding. 

Instead, he puts two and two together. This is probably what Jaemin meant when they talked by the open bar. 

Donghyuck stares at the ceiling again, the implication settling in with clarity.

Jaemin thinks Jisung, who apparently he's in a relationship with, is cheating on him. Donghyuck can't help but laugh. 

How ridiculous. He does think Jisung is attractive, and he would probably do better bagging brand endorsements and drama love calls than following him around schedules like a lost duckling. But that's far as it goes. 

One thing Jaemin got right though, is that Donghyuck does feel cheated on. Why didn't Jisung just tell him he’s been seeing Chenle? It's not like it was a state secret that needed to be kept confidential. It's not like Donghyuck would air out his business to everyone either. 

If anything, it's them who's doing that in a public bathroom. Where's the decency? It's a fancy toilet, but it's still, at the end of the day, a toilet! There are a million germs in there!

As Jisung continues knocking, Donghyuck lets him suffer for a while. Just a little. 

"Hyung!" Jisung greets as soon as the door opens, an edge to his voice. Donghyuck leans against the doorframe and crosses his arms.

"Is there something you're not telling me?" he demands like a parent who just caught his son red-handed. 

"What..." Jisung appears confused, but there’s a slight tremor of guilt underneath it. 

"Something important," Donghyuck says slowly, pressing further.

Jisung glances left and right in the most suspicious way imaginable. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Then Donghyuck inches closer, narrowing his eyes. Jisung leans back cautiously. "You're a bit too close, hyung."

"I'm close to getting mad, Jisung."

Jisung exhales in defeat, letting the truth spill out. 

"I swear I was going to tell you! I just couldn't find the right time because you've been busy with the tour and everything, and I was also trying to tie loose ends before everything gets settled, and I promise nothing will change between us. Maybe we'll even see each other in the middle of schedules. It's just that I've been handling paperwork and stuff, but we can still go on that food trip you’ve always wanted--"

"Wait, wait, wait. Let's backtrack there for a second," Donghyuck interrupts with a raised hand. "What schedules? Loose ends? Paperwork?"

Jisung blinks. "My paperwork?"

"You said paperwork."

"...Did I?"

Donghyuck's eyes narrow further, stare turning icy.

"Jisung."

Nothing clicks and now it's both of them who are confused.

"Wait. If this isn't about me resigning, then what were you talking about?"

Donghyuck's brain catches up at the wrong speed.

"You're resigning?"

Unable to talk his way around it anymore, Jisung gives a small, reluctant nod. 

"You're resigning and cheating on me?"

"What?!" Jisung blurts out, taken aback. 

Donghyuck presses on. "You could've just told me you've been doing it with Chenle, I wouldn't have gotten mad--"

Jisung puts his finger up. "Hold on, hold on. Let's get things straight here, okay? Hyung, were we ever in a romantic, committed relationship?"

"Well, no." Donghyuck pouts. "But I'm a friend. And friends tell each other everything."

"I just didn't want to get ahead of myself. It's only been a couple of days."

A small part of Donghyuck feels betrayed, slightly upset, thinking if he may not appear as trustworthy and reliable as he thought he was. But he can’t bring himself to hold it against Jisung. 

"So, you told Chenle before me about resigning. In fact, you weren't going to tell me, were you? I had to find out through...through something else." Donghyuck wants to erase those horrific sounds from his memory. Now he can't help but imagine that’s exactly what Jisung is going to do the instant he’s out of his sight. Oh Lord... 

Not knowing what to do with his hands, Jisung fidgets with the water bottle he's been holding. 

"I told you, I was finalising some applications. Actually, I've been thinking of pursuing acting professionally for a while now, then I passed this acting audition…" Jisung says, a bit bashful, failing to maintain eye contact. 

Now that Donghyuck thinks about it, they did have talks about it in passing. Jisung had gone on about how fascinating he found production studios with their cameras, lights, props, all of it, together with actors, producers, and crew, coming together to create some magic. 

Donghyuck can’t be mad at Jisung. More than anything, he's proud of him, and he's happy. He knows what it means to leave behind the life you’ve built for something bigger than yourself. 

"Now I'm even more mad you were hiding two secrets from me."

Jisung lowers his head awkwardly and Donghyuck gives his shoulder a playful shove. 

"You brat, I was just joking. If you need advice, you know your hyung got you right?"

Soon Jisung is looking up at him, lips curving into a gummy grin. It makes Donghyuck feel some kind of paternal affection. 

"You're my most messaged contact after my dad. You’ll be the first to hear about my worries."

“And not Chenle?”

“Let's not go there,” he dismisses quickly, brushing the question aside. "I'm sorry. I do love spending time with you, hyung. I just…I felt kinda stuck and it wasn’t a good feeling."

"Oh, tell me about it," Donghyuck sighs. If there’s anyone who understands the pains of feeling stuck, then that’d be him. The personification of it, actually. If anyone were to look up the definition of the word stuck, trapped, alone, they will find his name in bold. 

Donghyuck then notices the water bottle and hangover remedy still in Jisung’s hands. "Anyway, are you giving those to me? I got quite a headache."

"Oh. Right." Jisung hurriedly hands them over. "I should probably get going. To... uh..."

"Yeah, yeah, go run off now," Donghyuck waves him off then shuts the door gently behind him, eyes instinctively shifting to the closet where his neatly pressed suit hangs.

Thanks to Jisung, he’s now lit with renewed determination. But he’s still at a huge loss. 

Donghyuck plops back onto the bed, into his initial position, face towards the ceiling. 

Okay, what now?

He could try earning his way out. Rack up enough good karma in hopes that the universe would finally realise he’s done enough to deserve freedom from this endless loop.

But that’s all Donghyuck has been doing. Doing good. Helping Renjun and Jeno have the best wedding ever. Looking back on his life, he can’t think of anyone he’s ever aggravated, always trying his best to treat people with kindness and respect. He even helps grannies cross the street, and keep watch on the road lest he steps on snails. 

Could this be the work of some shaman? Black magic? Did some deranged hater cast a curse on him? But why this particular day? The harder Donghyuck tries to search for answers, the more questions he ends up with. 

So, he takes his days slowly. He dies yet again with a kitchen knife through his stomach. Then he takes up on reading about time dilation, in case he gains scientific knowledge on how to break free from all this. (They don’t really help, only letting him know that time travel is possible going forward into the future, not backwards. But they’re interesting, to say the least.). Then he dies after slipping on spilled liquor. By the eleventh loop, he even turns to Jisung for advice. 

(“Message me in case you need anything,” Jisung says. 

“Actually, I do need help with something,” Donghyuck brings up, a bit more desperate now for answers. Jisung looks at him expectantly. 

“You’re into space right, Jisung? Are you into time loops too? Time travel? They’re kind of related, right?”

Jisung raises an eyebrow, confused by this random brought up topic. 

“How do you get out of a time loop?” Donghyuck asks him, without the slightest hint of teasing. Jisung laughs at first, then his laughter dies down in his throat when he realises Donghyuck is nothing but serious. 

“I haven’t really fallen into that rabbit hole yet. But I do know that there are theories about black holes being portals to different timelines. So unless you get sucked into one, you are doomed. The big F word. You are in a time loop forever.”

“But I don’t want to be in a time loop forever!”

Jisung makes a face. “How is that my problem?”

“You said you would help,” Donghyuck whines, glaring at his manager. “You suck!”

Then Donghyuck kicks him out of his room.)

He faces every new anomaly the same way he faces a different kind of death, with each passing loop. 

Once, he prevents Renjun from falling face flat into his 4-feet cake, only to die when a drone malfunctions and crashes into him. He breaks up a fight between drunk relatives, then ends up on the receiving end of a fatal blow to the neck. At one point, Jeno really does lose the rings, only to be miraculously found by Jaemin who was taking a stroll by the connecting man-made stream. Hours later, Donghyuck dies after his suit catches fire from a stray indoor firework. Why would anyone even sneak that in? 

After what seems to be another week trying to be a saint and friendly neighbour to every person in this hall, from relatives he’d never met before from Jeno’s side of the family to Renjun’s cousin twice removed on his mother’s side, Donghyuck concludes that nice acts and being a Good Samaritan don’t mean shit. 

Then he starts mapping out which variables stay the same and which ones change. 

For one, it always rains, no matter the umbrellas or the lack thereof. The vows stay the same, at least that's what he knows, always getting distracted from his own thoughts, thinking something might go wrong any minute now. The champagne tower is kept at 91 glasses (Donghyuck was once bored he counted them). Renjun and Jeno dances to the same song (Beautiful by Crush) and then a series of upbeat songs they all let loose to (Poppy by STAYC, Queencard by G-IDLE, Whiplash by aespa, Fancy by TWICE, and a girl group mashup of 2nd generation girl groups). Jeno’s dad always loudly sneezes when Whiplash plays. 

Then it’s the same old broken record. Always waking up to a violent jolt and Jisung’s knocking and Donghyuck staring into the ceiling wondering if life still even has any meaning after going back to the same fucking morning. 

He goes back to his initial hypothesis.

The problem is not the lack of good karma. Nor is it morality. He’s merely collateral damage, caught inside a fracture in the timeline. 

Somewhere within the machinery of repeated deaths and reset mornings, it has always been this day. It always lies on the truth behind this day.

The problem is the wedding.

Is it that Renjun and Jeno are not supposed to marry? Is this a premonition of an ill-fated disastrous marriage? Or is it destiny for Donghyuck to not survive long enough to find out?

It comes to a point where he can no longer count how many days it has been. But he takes each day as it comes. Because they will always come. He doesn’t really have a choice. 

On day I-don’t-fucking-know-anymore, Donghyuck manages to stop a little girl from smearing chocolate on Renjun’s white ensemble, with Jaemin appearing at just the right moment to effortlessly scoop her up before her stained fingers get on anything. 

Having not stopped by at the bar for days, Donghyuck decides to let himself have a drink again. Later, Jaemin finds him as usual. 

It’s the same opener every time, the days having worn Donghyuck into a permanently tired disposition. 

“You okay?” he asks quietly. “You don’t look so good.”

Donghyuck varies his answer each time. 

“Miserable, actually.”

“Figures,” Jaemin says, eyes directed to the wine in his hand. "That's your fourth drink."

“Soon it will be my fifth,” Donghyuck says, and as if on cue, a waiter spawns by their side and he wordlessly plucks another champagne flute from the tray. 

“Easy there,” Jaemin cautions. 

He has been burned to a crisp, squashed like a bug, and zapped like a mosquito, dying from alcohol poisoning only adds to the list. 

“Something has been bothering you,” Jaemin observes again, because he’s always been good at that. Always been an expert in finding the nuances, the intricacies, of Donghyuck’s quirks, his every fleeting microexpression. 

Donghyuck wonders if it’s just another mechanical response now, if Jaemin is simply conditioned to ask the same question over and over, no matter how differently Donghyuck tries to carry himself each time the day resets. 

The thought leaves him feeling strangely hollow. Maybe it’s finally time to let some of the weight he’s been carrying off his shoulders.

Then it hits him. Maybe Jaemin is exactly the person he should be asking.

“Hey Jaemin, how do you stop yourself from dying?”

There’s no sudden movement from his side, Jaemin not doing so much as flinching at the abrupt question. Instead, he considers it seriously. 

“Figuratively, or…”

“Physically,” Donghyuck says. “Like, end-of-life dying. Cold-corpse dying. A cadaver. That kind.” 

Jaemin takes a bite of a cupcake he procured from a dessert table before leaning back, eyes drifting into the distance as he searches for an answer. 

"Are you being chased by a serial killer?"

"Well, no. Just-- dying in general."

“That’s kind of the thing with humans,” he says. “You can’t stop the natural cycle of things.”

Donghyuck looks at him inquisitively. “What if it isn’t natural?”

“Then that’s outside my expertise,” Jaemin admits with a small shrug. Doctors could only do so much; they’re not miracle workers. “They don’t really cover that in med school.”

Donghyuck’s shoulders slump. Well, there goes seeking for answers. 

“Right, Just trying my luck.”

Jaemin watches him for a moment. “Is it you that is dying?”

“Does that make a difference?”

“If it’s you then I’ll find a way to reverse it.” 

A laugh slips out of Donghyuck. “So if it’s any other patient you would give up?”

“You know what I mean,” Jaemin says, and Donghyuck hates the fact that he does. 

“I’m pretty good at studying. Should I learn necromancy? I’ll figure it out eventually. Does this involve the supernatural?”

Donghyuck actually stops to think about it. Does it? 

When he doesn’t reply, Jaemin speaks again. 

“I don’t know what this is you’re going through, but would you let me try to help?”

Donghyuck almost laughs, but it comes out as a scoff. “How can you possibly help?” He’s asking so that he can help himself.

Silence stretches between them. Jaemin doesn’t seem to know how either. How could he?

Finally, he says, “We’ll work something out. You don’t have to shoulder everything by yourself.”

But that’s the thing. Who is there to help him, when he’s the only one who remembers how the days have passed? He does not want to drag anyone else into his nonsense either. There’s a reason why he’s the only one left here. This is a cross for him to carry. And he will stop at nothing to claw his way out. Even if that means dying and dying and dying over and over and over and over. 

When the day resets, Donghyuck finds himself in the same conversation once more. 

“What if I’m having a heart attack right now, how do I stop it?”

“You have to try to stay calm and call an ambulance if you’re alone. Or trust that someone will call them for you, when you’re with company or out in public.”

“But what if it’s just me? How do I fix it myself?”

“That’s the thing, Hyuck. You need to call someone. This isn’t something you can reverse by yourself. You can’t talk your heart into not malfunctioning.”

“Okay… Then what if I fall down? How do I land so it hurts less?”

“You stay as alert as you can. Protect your head and neck, and avoid reaching out with your hands to try and break the fall. You’ll just injure your wrists. Best case scenario is to have someone break your fall,” Jaemin stops to think and frowns. “What are all these questions?”

Donghyuck knows getting answers to these questions doesn't really mean anything, because every soft blow ends up fatal for him, like he’s made of glass, and it always sends him dying to wake up again on the same day. 

And yet, it’s useful to know these things, for just in case scenarios. A bit inconvenient for every scenario to be best involved with another party though. It’s quite difficult, when Donghyuck only has himself to rely on. 

“I’ve been having dreams of dying?” he offers weakly, explanation unconvincing even to his own ears. 

“Well, most emergencies are like that,” he says. “Your chances of surviving exponentially get higher when there’s someone willing to help. Sure, it’s every man for himself, but it’s hard to go through things alone.”

The words no longer sound like a general statement, but are meant for him. Donghyuck meets Jaemin’s gentle gaze, and although the words are not spoken aloud, he can almost hear them anyway. When it gets too tough, you know where to find me.

And maybe that’s what he has been doing all along. How he easily gravitates towards Jaemin when he is driven to a corner, not knowing what to do. No matter how he tries to distance himself so Jaemin could have some bit of self-preservation. 

“It’s not so impossible to ask and accept help, you know, Donghyuck.”

That has always been Jaemin’s shtick. Helping people, being of unconditional service. It’s what drove him to soldier through medical school and all those sleepless nights. It’s that kind, strong heart that has gotten him this far. 

It’s what brought Donghyuck to him in the first place, but also what has driven him away. 

Donghyuck doesn’t know if he wants to accept this kind of help. Especially when what he’s asking for is this impossible.

“What if it’s impossible?”

“But what if it isn’t?”

Then Donghyuck looks back to days that weren’t like this, to days of a thousand yesterdays. 

Was it wrong to have let him go?

“You don’t have to carry everything by yourself,” Jaemin says, voice soothing like a hug. “You can share the burden. It doesn’t have to be me. It can be anyone you feel safe with.”

~*~

The thought comes to him the next time his eyes snap open to yet again the sound of knocking. 

Donghyuck knows one of these days he’ll hit a wall he won’t have the strength to climb over, after breaking through countless other walls. This is what they usually call burnout. And if it does happen, he will have no choice but to ask for help, no matter how much he hates the idea of dragging someone else into his problems. 

Because how do you explain to someone that you have lived the same day over and over without having them brand you as a person with a few loose screws? 

But then he thinks of Jaemin. 

Jaemin will believe him. 

Won't he?

He did tell Donghyuck to find him if he ever needed help. At least, that's what he assumes. And right now, he is in desperate need of it.

Then his mind replays the many times his body shuts down, that in every life, in every version of the same ill-fated day, Jaemin is always there at the end. Always close enough to touch, to see, to hear. Always the last constant before everything resets. 

That was his clue. 

How could Donghyuck miss out something so in-his-face obvious? He was too busy dying to think of anything else. 

This has to mean something. This has to be a sign. It could be a coincidence, but it could also not be a coincidence. Either way, all Donghyuck has left is hope. And hope, sometimes, is enough to make you take a leap of faith. 

Donghyuck finds Jaemin exactly where he first saw him, what now feels like a lifetime ago. Lifetimes ago.  

Not that he’s particularly difficult to find. Someone as attractive and alluring as Jaemin tends to stand out wherever he goes. Sometimes, Donghyuck thinks he emits some kind of scent that just makes it easy to track down.

Without wasting another second, Donghyuck strides towards him, following the flowery path, ignoring Jeno entirely. Before Jaemin has a chance to react, Donghyuck beats him to it. 

“Na Jaemin, I’m in a bit of a pinch and I am left with no choice but to ask help from you. I know this is going to sound strange and unexpected, but may I speak to you in private?” 

Once they reach the man-made stream that winds around the venue, Jaemin is first to break the silence. 

“What, have you finally realised you’ve been wrong the past few years and want to apologise for breaking my heart?”

“What?” Donghyuck recoils. “No!”

Maybe taking the initiative to talk to him first was the wrong approach. But oh well, he’s already here anyway.

“We’ll get to that if you want to talk about it, but right now I need some help.”

Jaemin raises an eyebrow, full of skepticism. “Is this for legal purposes?”

“Stop messing around, Jaemin, this is serious!”

“And what reason may that be?” Jaemin says, adjusting his spectacles and crossing his arms. Jaemin has been nothing but sweet to him the past few loops, this is the only time he has come across as irritated. Was Donghyuck’s approach really that bad?

“You wouldn’t believe what I’m about to tell you, but please believe me.”

Confusion deepens on Jaemin’s face.

“Are you pregnant?”

Donghyuck smacks his arm, and Jaemin lets out an exaggerated yelp.

“I’m stuck in a time loop and I think I need your help to get out of it.”

Jaemin freezes, then stares at him with wide snake-like eyes. He lets the silence drag on for a bit longer, waiting for the punchline. 

“There is no punchline. I'm telling the truth.”

Jaemin looks like he wants to laugh, but Donghyuck isn’t laughing.

“Don’t believe me?” Donghyuck challenges. “Okay, then. Follow me.” 

He drags Jaemin by the collar, all the way back to the main garden. They hide behind one of the vine-entwined pillars, and Donghyuck points towards the crowd. 

“Lady in purple will drop the flowers, a little girl in a yellow dress will barge through that gate and get tangled by the vein decorations, Jeno’s uncle will spill water on Si Cheng, and in the count of three, Renjun will appear by Jeno’s side in 3, 2, 1,” and everything else happens exactly as Donghyuck said it would. 

“Please believe me, Jaemin.”

Jaemin adjusts his glasses and shakes his head. “No, I– I believed you the first time. I was just a bit shocked. Now, actually, I’m a bit impressed.”

“This isn’t the least amusing, it’s terrible.”

Jaemin prances back and forth, tapping a finger against his bottom lip as he thinks. Then, “Okay.”

Donghyuck blinks. “Okay?”

Jaemin smiles and cackles boisterously. “Of course it’s you stuck in a time loop. What did you do to anger the universe?”

“I don’t know!” 

His expression straightens, the playful disbelief fading into a more grounded, more focused disposition. 

“Okay, start from the beginning,” Jaemin says. “Walk me through everything. All that you remember. If you have any leads.”

Donghyuck does his best not to leave anything out and Jaemin listens, nodding along to every recounted detail. When he finishes, Jaemin is quiet for a long time, trying to make sense of what Donghyuck had spent, and still is, trying to understand. 

Then he asks carefully, “Is this the first time you told me everything?”

“In detail?” Donghyuck clarifies. “Yes, I usually avoid you.”

Jaemin clutches his chest, grimacing dramatically. “Ouch.”

“But you might be the key to this.”

“Is it because I’m a doctor?”

“It’s probably because you know how to fix things,” Donghyuck says.

“Not everything,” Jaemin adds. Which could mean a lot of things. “So what do we do first?”

“If there’s anything unusual that happens in the wedding, try your best to fix it. If it works, it will disappear in the next loop.”

“But won’t that mean the loop will just keep happening? Do you know the root cause of all this?”

That’s the thing. Donghyuck has been figuring it out this entire time, hoping that if he fixes enough things, if he prevents enough disasters, eventually he will reach the end. 

“What were you doing before this? Yesterday?”

“I was drinking with Renjun and Jeno.”

“And then?”

And then… And then Donghyuck remembers. The proclamation. Him swearing he will enjoy the wedding, swearing it on his life.

But that was just an expression! he wants to shout out to whatever curse that trapped him here. I wasn’t being serious!

Then again, it’s also difficult to enjoy this wedding with so many things going wrong! So really, he didn’t have much of a choice but to fix everything.

“I may or may not have sworn my life on the success of this wedding,” Donghyuck admits, then chews on his bottom lip. “So I’ve been trying to fix all the errors that keep popping out.”

Jaemin nods, fully grasping the situation.

“Okay. We’ll work with what we have for now. But you have to promise me something.”

Donghyuck looks at Jaemin. 

“If nothing works, and when you wake up again,” Jaemin continues. “Come find me. I’ll help you.”

Donghyuck cannot tell him, if it’s not Donghyuck finding him, it’s Jaemin who always finds his way back to him, always ending up in his orbit. 

“Promise me you’ll believe me again,” Donghyuck says.

Jaemin smiles faintly.

“I always do, Hyuck. Don’t you know me?”

~*~

Every loop gets easier with Jaemin around, it kinda pisses him off. In a way that there is still no solution out of it, but it has stopped Donghyuck from descending further into madness.

Maybe if Donghyuck had stopped being so prideful, so determined to handle everything by himself, self-reliant to a fault, then he might have quickly found an end to this days ago. 

Death stops being sharp and dramatic and theatrical. It starts to feel much slower, kinder. Almost like finally resting his tired bones after a long day. Like drifting into a deep slumber in the car as a young boy, then waking up in bed the next morning he wakes up. 

He stops jolting awake too, gently opening his eyes to the same knocks on his door. The headache still lingers though, even as he faces Jaemin again to explain his current doom. 

“Okay, start from the beginning,” Jaemin says again, as he usually does. “Walk me through everything. All that you remember. If you have any leads.”

You’ve said that the last six times, Donghyuck thinks, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. Well, at least he’s consistent. 

When no immediate disaster presents itself, they slip into conversations, most of the time, every version of it different. Donghyuck learned more about what Jaemin has been doing over the past few years (he's been into baseball for some reason), how's his family (great; his mom misses him), if he's moved homes (he did), if his caffeine dose is stuck being disturbingly concerning (it's a work in progress). 

When Jaemin is away from the hospital, he’s taken up cooking. Recently, he’s been trying recipes from Chenle’s cookbook, learning the many ways to whip up vegetable dishes. Donghyuck then finds out he recently started raising three ragdolls, Luna, Lucy, and Luke, and even showed him their Instagram page, one that has gained traction with over 800,000 followers. A stark contrast to his private account that only has 50 followers, still maintaining an almost non-existent social media presence. 

Donghyuck used to complain about that. It has made it impossible to know what Jaemin has been up to after the break-up, which maybe was a good thing. Or he would’ve spiralled seeing Jaemin actually doing better without him as he expected, confirming any assumption that he had of himself being nothing but a burden. He had to rely on Renjun and Jeno mention little things about him in passing. A bit counterproductive when it comes to getting over someone, but it fills up a hole each time, even to a small degree, somehow. 

“How does it feel? To be in a time loop,” Jaemin asks one time. They snuck out to the pool, sipping on piña coladas. 

If there’s anything the time loop has changed about Donghyuck, it’s that it made him, just a tiny bit, more honest. A little braver. Baby steps. 

“It’s scary,” he admits. “Sometimes, liberating. I mean, it lets me do everything I want without consequences. But most of the time, it feels lonely. Tomorrow, everyone, including you, will forget all of this. This conversation won’t exist anymore.”

“That’s easy. You can just talk to me again tomorrow and have me remember.”

It’s annoying because it is easy for Jaemin. Every time they circle back to the same conversation, he constantly plays along, pretending that yesterday existed for him as it did for Donghyuck, as if they’re merely picking up where they left off instead of starting over. It makes Donghyuck feel a little less alone, like it isn’t just him carrying the weight of every repeated day. 

(“What did we talk about yesterday?” he asks with disarming normalcy, it makes Donghyuck laugh. 

Donghyuck shrugs and offers something vague. “Something about cats.”

“Right.” Jaemin snaps his fingers and continues what they were just talking about as though he’d simply forgotten it for a moment, never once acknowledging that there had never been a yesterday for him to remember in the first place. “So, Luna was–”)

Without fail, before the day draws to a close, Donghyuck always ends up in the same place, leaning into Jaemin, either on his shoulder, in his arms, or head resting on his knees, like a small animal snuggling to find warmth.

Eventually, the wedding no longer feels like a ticking time bomb. The disasters that once seemed impossible deflate into minor inconveniences that are now less dangerous, just a tad irritating.

A wasted relative gets too loud and is gently escorted out. The cake wobbles suspiciously and goes askew, icing dripping to the floor. A crazed fan somehow slipped past security and snuck in to get a photo with Donghyuck. Wine spills onto someone’s suit. Technical issues. 

It’s like even the universe, or whether it is a higher being, has grown tired and has run out of ideas on how to make Donghyuck’s life difficult. 

Donghyuck and Jaemin eventually find out how to make sharing information easier, a bit unconventional and odd, creating a code that is ridiculous, but both know is fool-proof. And Jaemin replies the same thing, each and every time, always willing to reach out a hand. 

In full confidence, Donghyuck approaches Jaemin the same way he’s always been. 

“You wouldn’t believe what I’m about to tell you,” he says carefully. “But I’m five months pregnant with your child and I’m naming the baby Pinkie.”

Like the previous days, Jaemin stares at him and doesn’t move an inch.

“You’re not serious.”

“I’m caught in a time loop and it is you who suggested this code. Also, if you don’t believe me, then yesterday’s you just told me you still keep a picture of me in your wallet, on the second pocket, it’s a picture of me in a black hoodie holding a book by Hayao Miyazaki and I don’t know this picture exists because you took it without me knowing.”

And Jaemin responds the usual.

“Holy fuck.”

(Jaemin explains if presented with two absurdities, he’d believe the one that seemed more realistic.

“You don’t think me getting pregnant is more believable than me getting into a time loop?”

“It’s all in the smallest details, sunshine. How can I get you pregnant when we haven’t talked to each other, much less touched each other, in literal years?” 

Donghyuck considers this.

He brushes aside the most obvious flaw in Jaemin’s reasoning, the fact that the only reason this could never happen is because he biologically cannot bear a child.

Donghyuck would know. 

“Right. Fair enough.”)

This is how they find themselves sitting together at the edge of the reception space after yet another disaster has been prevented. This time, Jaemin successfully catches three chickens that somehow ended up in the banquet hall with their flappy wings and grating clucking. 

Where did they even come from? The kitchen?

Music plays in the background as Donghyuck watches Renjun and Jeno be gay (happily and homosexually) as they always do.

“Which one was the worst anomaly?” Jaemin asks curiously.

That’s a tough question. They’re all so terrible, no matter how miniscule they are in hindsight. Every mistake is just as bad for keeping him locked up in here. 

Donghyuck purses his lips and thinks hard. 

“If I had to pick,” Donghyuck says. “It’s Aunt Lin singing.”

Jaemin tilts his head and tries to imagine it, then bursts into laughter, slapping his knee. “Really? Aunt Lin sang?”

“We even had a duet,” Donghyuck proudly says, reminiscing like it’s some distant memory. “It’s way worse than Jeno losing the rings. And cake falling on Renjun.”

Jaemin snickers at the thought. “I could only imagine.”

Then he follows up with a question, “So how many days has it been?”

Donghyuck doesn’t say anything immediately, not really knowing what the answer is. His gaze drifts upward, towards the chandeliers, finding the one that once came crashing down on him. Now it remains perfectly still. 

He makes an estimate, “Probably over a month.”

“Was I there with you through all those days?”

Donghyuck’s fingers tighten then loosen around his glass.

“Not quite,” he admits, thinking of the many attempts he had to steer away from Jaemin’s gazes only to be caught into his web again. Then after a moment, “But you’ve been a constant through the most part.”

The silence isn’t empty, any dead air filled with singing, or clapping or cheering. 

“Has it always been the same conversation between us?”

“Actually no,” Donghyuck says, amused. “You never fail to surprise me, Na Jaemin.”

That earns him a bright smile.

“You must be so sick of me right now,” Jaemin says lightly.

Far from it, Donghyuck almost says. He doesn’t admit he relishes on this borrowed time with Jaemin, doesn’t admit he has missed him through all these years. He doesn’t admit for the first time in a long, long while, the emptiness inside him doesn’t feel so consuming. Like some cavity has finally been filled, made whole. It feels like breathing again. 

“Yeah,” he says instead, because it’s just easier that way. “I can’t wait for this to be over so I don’t have to see you again.” 

The words do not land harshly, no cruelty to it, but fall softly like a summer drizzle, even a bit playful. Both of them know what he means. 

“Is that why you broke up with me?”

Oh.

Donghyuck quickly turns to Jaemin. There is a playful glint in his eyes, meaning to come it off as a joke. But he sees something honest in there too, like deep inside, he is still asking for answers. It's up to Donghyuck to humor Jaemin or give him what he had been seeking. So they are having this conversation now. 

How foolish of him to think he could've avoided this. Of course, it’d be brought up sooner or later. Donghyuck braces himself.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s fine. I just thought, if you’ve done everything to end this loop, and you’re still stuck here, always seeing me the last thing before time resets, then I might have something to do with it. Maybe what you need is closure.”

Closure. The word sits between them dangerously, its presence ambiguous, like a ghost. Do you address it? Acknowledge it? Or just let it haunt you for the rest of your life?

After everything the loop has put him through, Donghyuck learns that tomorrow is not guaranteed. All you have are chances you take or don’t take. All they have is now. All they have is chance. So there is no room for hesitation, only action. 

Donghyuck lets himself be honest.

“I thought I wanted you too much,” he opens up slowly, forcing the words out of his throat. “But I was giving too little.”

Jaemin opens his mouth, but stops himself to let Donghyuck continue. So he keeps going.

“But wasn’t it for the best?” he asks. “Look where you are now. Look where we are now.”

There is a movement near him, Jaemin shifting in his seat as his expression hardens.

“Hyuck,” he calls out. “Do you really think you didn’t give me enough?”

It’s Donghyuck’s time to laugh bitterly.

“Come on, Jaemin. I was barely paying my share of rent. I dropped out of university. I was nothing but a deadweight. You were studying day and night and what was I doing? Gigs at midnight that could barely cover our dates. Speaking of dates, I was always late for them too. I even missed anniversaries. What did I actually give you in those five years?”

Jaemin doesn’t flinch and doesn’t look away, firm eyes holding him in place.

“You don’t pay rent because I asked you not to. You dropped out because you had different plans for yourself and I supported you. You were late on dates, missed anniversaries because you were working your ass off. And I understood all of that. You always made up for it afterwards.”

Donghyuck diverts his gaze while Jaemin keeps going.

“You filled our home with music and that kept me going. You wake up early to make food because I always forgot to eat. You cared about me in all these small ways that you don’t even seem to count. I wish you would stop selling yourself short because you never lacked anything in our relationship. You were there. And that was enough.”

Anguish lodges painfully in Donghyuck’s chest. It twists, turns, and cuts him open; it’s painful.

“Should I feel grateful, Jaemin?” It almost sounds like he’s begging, because he doesn’t really have an answer to it. “Because all I felt was guilt from robbing you of your time.”

Hurt is obvious on Jaemin’s face and neither can the two of them minimise the damage. 

“You think the time spent with me was a waste?”

“I didn’t say that.”

Donghyuck hesitates, then lets himself break.

“Remember when you failed your licensure exam? I saw you crying alone in our room and I didn’t know if I should reach out and comfort you. So I waited for you to come to me. I wanted to be your source of strength too, Jaemin. I wanted to be the place you came to when you needed to rest. Where you felt safe enough to let yourself fall apart.”

Jaemin’s brows draw together in concern. 

“Hyuck, I just didn't want you to worry even more. You already had so much on your plate.”

“I wish you confided in me for comfort.”

“It’s not like you asked for help either,” Jaemin says, devoid of any accusatory tone, but spoken more like it’s a factual statement. And he isn’t even wrong about that.

If there’s anything that Donghyuck learned where they fell short, is that they’d swallow everything until they rot from the inside. Only trying to show their best selves to each other. It’s what sent the home they’ve built to start crumbling. 

Donghyuck exhales and stretches his aching muscles.

“See?” he says. “You’re just like me. We just weren’t compatible.”

“Do you believe that? Did we have to be?”

“I believe it was for the best.”

That should be closure. That should be the end of things. It should sound like gently laying what they had to rest, burying it in the ground, allowing themselves to move on. 

But if closure were the solution to everything, then why are Donghyuck’s eyes feeling heavy again?

Jaemin shifts slightly, worry immediately flashing across his face. “Hyuck? Donghyuck?”

Donghyuck could only let out a small breath, almost coming out like a laugh.

What a joke this existence is. 

“So much for closure,” he murmurs, letting his entire weight rest on Jaemin, a single tear rolling past his lashes. 

And then everything goes quiet. Like the world has sung him a lullaby, letting him fall into a soft, warm embrace. 

Once again, Donghyuck lets himself plunge into the pit of darkness, deep into where he buried the rotting corpse of what they once had. 

~*~

For the first time ever, with the exception of the knocking, Donghyuck wakes up nothing but exhausted. It’s just exhaustion. He feels nothing else. 

It’s probably the accumulation of the fatigue that started consuming him, eating his insides, since Day 3, and it’s what now? Day 40? 41?

The day has once again reset, and the conversation he had with Jaemin, is long lost erased from existence and only he is left to carry the weight of that memory.

It should have been freeing, baring his entire soul, being so honest should rid him of all the heaviness wearing him down, pressing him deeper and deeper onto the ground. It should have been so liberating, but why does he feel even more lost? More encaged?

He's still here. In the same room. On the same day. 

A part of him has always hoped it wasn’t true. That maybe, from the very beginning, it’s this wedding that’s been that one huge mistake disrupting the natural course of time. 

All his cards are used up and none of his plans are working. He’s exhausted every option and he’s exhausted. And somehow, no matter the countless trying, that thing with Jaemin hasn’t helped. In fact, he has only made Donghyuck even more emotionally vulnerable to the point of crying. 

As the wedding march starts, and Renjun and Jeno meet at the grand floral arch, Donghyuck looks at the sky, still clear and blue. 

Please just tell me what to do, he begs the heavens, to a higher power, to literally anyone, anything who's willing to listen. Was it something I did? Was I evil in my past life? Did I kill babies for sport? Was I a dictator? A corrupt politician? Is it bad karma? Is this hell?

Like an answer, the rain begins to fall, even heavier than last time like it's mocking him and laughing to his face. 

Donghyuck stares upward, and then thinks of his last resort. The one plan he was desperately hoping he would never have to do.

They gather in the glasshouse again, rain tapping harshly against clear panels with a thrumming sound. 

Renjun and Jeno have just finished their vows that Donghyuck could barely bring his attention to. It tugs on everyone's heartstrings, bringing most of the guests to tears. 

It would be a shame if someone ruined this moment for them for his own selfish reasons. 

“If anyone has any objections, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Donghyuck doesn't let the silence settle. There is no hesitation this time and no dramatic buildup. Just desperation to finally put an end to this. 

“Me! I object!” he announces with his whole chest, voice reverberating across the room, raising his hand like a student in class. 

A collective gasp ripples through the guests, and Donghyuck continues to make a mess of himself. 

“Huang Renjun, I'm in love with you. I always have,” he proclaims, words spilling out of him uncontrollably. He catches a sight of Renjun looking in complete horror, mouth agape in shock. Jeno, on the other hand, has his jaw tightly clenched, shooting daggers with a dark and unreadable stare. If looks could kill, then Donghyuck will find himself back to square one. 

“I can't let you marry Jeno. It would kill me if you push this through. I cannot live with the thought of you marrying somebody else, Renjun. Why can't it be m–”

He doesn't get to finish, yanked away from his seat without him even having the time to register what is happening. A hand grips his wrist tightly, pulling him outside the glasshouse and into the rain. 

Cold droplets hit his skin. They feel like broken glass, snapping him back to reality. 

“Donghyuck, are you crazy?” 

Jaemin's voice is an unsettling mix of disappointment and anger, a stark difference to the pained expression on his face. It’s nothing like the gentle reassurance Donghyuck has become accustomed to. 

“What has gotten into you? You can't do that to Jeno and Renjun.”

He plants his feet, despite his breath shaking, and raindrops obscuring his vision a little. The rain has gradually fallen harder since they stepped outside. 

“I love Renjun,” he proclaims stubbornly. “And I can't hand him over to Jeno.”

Now Jaemin's face betrays nothing but frustration, hair falling messily over his forehead, rainwater weighing down the strands as they cling to his skin.

“Are you even hearing yourself? Renjun isn't some possession to be handed over, Donghyuck.”

Donghyuck feels the grip on his wrist tighten. 

“You don't even love him. Not in that way. And you know it.”

“How are you so sure?” Donghyuck snaps back, exhausted and defeated, a lump forming in his throat. “You don't even know me anymore, Jaemin.”

The words hang between them, heavier, harsher, and colder than rain. Despite everything that was said, Jaemin looks at Donghyuck like he always does. Under the exasperation, there is knowing, there is understanding. 

Jaemin holds his gaze morphing into something gentler and stripped of judgment, like he’s seeing past every excuse and every wall Donghyuck has built. Like the Donghyuck he once knew is painfully unchanged across whatever distance has grown between them. 

“I know you would do everything to make Renjun happy.”

No matter how far Donghyuck strays, Jaemin still sees him exactly as he is, still sees through him. And that's what makes him break. 

His face crumples before he can control it, and all at once, tears are welling in his eyes, then joining the rain as they roll down his cheeks. 

The frustration in Jaemin's face melts into worry. “Hey, are you crying? Donghyuck, hey, talk to me. What's wrong?”

Donghyuck’s heart pounds against his chest. He is overwhelmed. He is lost. He is feeling all things ugly. It's devastating. How did it all end up like this?

“What's wrong?” Donghyuck cries out. “I'll tell you what's wrong. I'm so tired of running around trying to fix things and nothing ever works. I keep dying over and over and over again, repeating the same shit every single fucking day. I'm so sick of waiting for a tomorrow that never comes. I'm so, so, tired of doing this alone. It's unbearable. I'm tired, Jaemin. Everything that I do is wrong. How do I get out of here?”

Jaemin is at a loss for words. Of course, anyone would've reacted the same way. His mouth opens slightly, but nothing comes out. 

Like a broken dam, Donghyuck keeps going. “I'm so tired of everything. I can't even say I want to die, because then I just wake up and have to do it all over again. It's driving me insane. It’s making me do things I don’t even want to do. Do you think I'm crazy, Jaemin? Have I finally lost it? Do Renjun and Jeno hate me now?”

“No,” Jaemin says softly, running his thumb across Donghyuck's wrist, an attempt to provide some relief, assurance. “They don't. They could never hate you.”

“Do you hate me now too, Jaemin?”

The question is barely audible, his voice smaller, cracking at the edges. 

“I–how could I ever?” Jaemin starts, but Donghyuck is already shaking his head, shoulders shaking as he weeps inconsolably. Jaemin pulls Donghyuck closer into a tight embrace, letting him fall apart and stop holding everything together. 

Pressed against Jaemin’s chest, Donghyuck sobs more apologies. “I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.”

The rain continues to fall as they find shelter by the nearest pavilion. It takes a while before Donghyuck calms down, while Jaemin recovers from the shock caused by Donghyuck's sudden revelation. 

“So you've been repeating the same day over and over again,” Jaemin repeats. “And you're pregnant with my child.”

Donghyuck hits him lightly and Jaemin yelps. 

“And this is your last resort,” he corrects himself. 

“Yeah,” Donghyuck breathes out, still sniffling. “I don't know what I was thinking. Now that I think about it, if this is what breaks the loop, then I just ruined Renjun and Jeno's lives.”

“Is there any way I could help?” 

It's strangely comforting, knowing that whatever version of this disaster he finds himself in, help always seems to come in the form of Jaemin. 

“I don't know,” Donghyuck admits. There's really nothing he can do now. “This isn't even purgatory. I might have really died and now I'm just stuck repeating everything. This is hell.”

Jaemin studies him for a while, then speaks his mind. “Hey, Hyuck. You know how they say souls in purgatory stay because of an unfinished business? Is there something you haven't done yet?”

The question digs deep into his mind, and he scrambles through everything he has tried, every disaster he prevented. 

“I've done everything. I even gave someone a lap dance thinking it's a way to earn good karma. I've literally exhausted all options.”

Jaemin reacts to only one thing that Donghyuck just said. “That's quite a range. Why haven't you given me one before?”

“Can we please be serious for a moment.”

But it did make him smile, at least for a while. Donghyuck pulls his knees closer to his chest, contemplating what to say next. 

“We talked about it.”

“About what?”

“How we ended,” Donghyuck replies. “We had that talk yesterday.

Jaemin studies him carefully. A stray strand of wet hair falls over Donghyuck’s forehead, sticking slightly to his skin from the rain. Jaemin reaches out, tucking gently it behind his ear. The touch is enough to make Donghyuck shiver. 

“How did it go? Did you cry?”

“Shut up,” Donghyuck says, but there’s no bite to it. “Yes, I cried. And then I died. So.”

Jaemin purses his lips. 

“Guess I wasn't your unfinished business then. Though you did ghost me.”

“I did not!” Donghyuck quickly refutes. “We said our goodbyes, walked away, and that's it. Remember?”

“Yeah. But you never contacted me again.”

“How could we move on otherwise?” Donghyuck asks, though it sounds like it is not directed to Jaemin, but the question he repeatedly asked himself in the past, as he constantly fought the urge to reach out, crave for Jaemins touch, and ask him to come back to him. 

“I never wanted to move on, Hyuck.”

Underneath the softness to Jaemin’s gaze, Donghyuck sees, feels sadness. 

“But I wanted you to, if that's what you wanted. I could only hope that someday you will change your mind. Do you think I ever stopped waiting for you?”

Thrown of balance, Donghyuck can only blink. 

There are hotter, smarter people in the medical field; it’s statistically impossible that not a single one of them had caught Jaemin’s eye. Or that’s what Donghyuck has always thought of them science majors every time he passes by their department in university. Sure, they do look like they hadn’t slept in three days and were surviving academic trauma but. That’s not the point. The point is there are a million better options than Donghyuck. Not that he doesn’t see himself as hot and smart, but this is about compatibility. 

“You never looked for somebody else?”

An odd, gurgling sound came out of Jaemin like the thought is so repulsive he cannot do anything but show disgust and contempt. Donghyuck winces. What was that for? 

“That sounds like a tall order. Not when you're the best thing that happened to me.”

“Jaemin, I was a horrible boyfriend,” Donghyuck adamantly asserts, saying it like it’s a fact, because it is. “I know this sounds corny as hell but you really are better off without me. 

“And somehow you leaving me made me worse,” Jaemin talks back. 

“That's not–”  Donghyuck starts, then stops, because he doesn’t even know what that is supposed to mean. “Jaemin, you're a successful surgeon now and you did it all without me, where’s the “worse” in that?”

“Is that how you see it? Every night I come home to an empty house, and you think that's doing better?”

His voice is sharper now, but not out of anger. Jaemin’s chest rises and falls as he struggles to keep himself together, and Donghyuck is just even more puzzled. 

None of this makes sense. If Jaemin still wanted him, if he had hurt so much, then why did he let Donghyuck just walk away? Last thing Donghyuck checked, Jaemin barely put up a fight. 

“But you– You didn't even say anything when I told us to call it quits.”

“If being happy means not being with me then I’ll literally disappear from your life. I can endure it. I've been enduring it. But it's so, so hard, Hyuck. I can't stop regretting it,” Jaemin's voice also breaks, and Donghyuck is suddenly taken back to five years ago. He regretted it too.  

Back then, he wanted to take it all back. Say it's all a mistake and he didn't know what he was doing, that he didn’t want to lose him. But Jaemin didn't say anything, because he thought he was respecting Donghyuck's wishes? 

They're like both sides of the magnet, both reaching out but pushing each other further away. The distance has grown larger and larger and larger, creating an island between them that neither knew how to cross. 

A familiar, throbbing pain presses on the base of his skull again, a telling sign of a bad headache. Donghyuck can't wrap his head around this. 

“I don't get it…” he trails off, confused. 

“Let me spell it out for you,” Jaemin says, closing in the already small space in between them. He cups Donghyuck's cheeks tenderly, thumb caressing the constellations on his skin that he knows all too well. 

It’s one of those familiar feelings again, warm hands on cold skin. 

“I long for you, Lee Donghyuck. I pine for you. Every night I want you near. And it's been torture not having you by my side. I–”

Donghyuck loses all composure and cuts Jaemin mid-sentence, catching his words with his mouth.

Jaemin startles from the contact, glasses crashing into the space between Donghyuck's eyes. Then he loses himself in the kiss, pressing deeper and deeper, hands travelling down to Donghyuck's jaw then his neck. He breathes him in and Donghyuck feels it. Years of desire, thirst, hunger. Jaemin starves for him, grasping and needy. So he gives him more and more and more, like it would make up from the years he existed in his home as a ghost. Jaemin breaks away to rip off his rain-stained glasses, then crashes into Donghyuck again, tongue darting over his lips, chasing a taste of him. Donghyuck turns lightheaded, and clings to Jaemin to catch his breath. Oh, did he miss this. This is what he's been depriving himself all these years. 

“Don't say it yet,” Donghyuck barely manages to get the words out when they pull away from each other, foreheads almost touching. 

“What…” is the only thing Jaemin could breathe out, a bit foggy brained. 

“I'm going to die soon so let me do something first.”

“Wait, Donghyuck–”

“I promise, I'll come back to you Jaemin. In this lifetime, and in the next. Please wait for me,” he says it like a vow, pressing a light kiss to the corner of his mouth. 

Love will have to wait. But first, he’s going to fix one last thing.

“I don't want to end this day having ruined Jeno and Renjun's wedding.”

Jaemin looks at him for a moment. There are a thousand things he could say. 

But still, he lets him go. Except this time, it’s different. This time, Donghyuck will come back to him. 

Guests are already beginning to spill out of the glasshouse, the ceremony having come to an end. Some of them notice him and Donghyuck lowers his head, mostly in embarrassment from having caused a scene, and partly to not attract any more attention to himself than he already has. He can feel the lingering stares, the whispers that follow him. If this were any normal day, then it would be a trending topic on every site and social media platform: HAECHAN DESTROYS FRIEND’S WEDDING. HAECHAN ATTITUDE CONTROVERSY. FAMOUS SOLO IDOL MAKES A SCENE AT WEDDING. 

He tries to search through the crowd for either Renjun or Jeno. But no matter how many faces he scans, he cannot find them. Up until the last guest has left the glass structure. 

Donghyuck follows the flower-lined pavement back to the hotel, weaving through the remaining guests as he continues his search for the now (hopefully) married couple. The hallway has turned more familiar, after more than a month of walking it every day. Somewhere along the way, this place had become both his prison and his home. 

Jeno is the first to catch him as he rounds up a corner. His expression immediately hardens. But underneath the anger, Donghyuck can see what sends his heart breaking. Hurt, shock, betrayal. Jeno folds his arms and knits his brows together. 

"Donghyuck," he seethes, almost like he's spitting venom. He's mad alright, and Donghyuck probably deserves that. "Do you mind explaining what happened just now?"

He opens his mouth, then closes it, thinking how could he possibly reason himself without sounding insane. 

"Jeno, I swear I didn't mean what I said. It's a long story, and you're not going to believe me. You can punch me later if you want, but can you tell me where Renjun is first? I need to apologise to him."

He and Jeno have fought before, but it never went too serious to the point of it getting physical. Never anything that crossed a line. It was just one of those things older people laugh about and say they’re just boys being boys. And Donghyuck realises how grave this is in retrospect. A best friend pining over your long-term boyfriend, fiance, and now husband? That's a soap opera plot writing itself. 

Donghyuck has never really seen Jeno angry. Upset, yes. Sulky, plenty. But what he is seeing right now is a man trying to put it under wraps, trying his best not to explode right in front of him. Jeno was able to contain any boiling frustration in check, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

 "I don't know what's going on with you," he finally says. "But you're going to make up for almost ruining my wedding."

Donghyuck nods quickly. "I promise."

"I want F1 tickets."

"Done," he says without hesitation. Relief washes over Donghyuck like a wave. This is Jeno letting him off easy, always such a sweetheart to a fault. "So where's Renjun?"

"Getting ready in his suite. I'd brace myself if I were you."

"Prepare my eulogy just in case," Donghyuck sighs, knees getting weak. Honestly, he’d rather walk into the room and just let Renjun slap him. At least that would be easier than any sort of silent treatment that awaits him in that suite. 

He is already walking towards the door when he stops and glances over his shoulder. 

"Hey, Jeno?"

"Now what?"

"I love you, too, you know?"

All tension fades when Jeno breaks into a smile, eyes crinkling in crescents. "What the fuck? Which one of us are you really trying to pull tonight?"

Donghyuck laughs, waving as he walks away. "I've been told I'm pretty greedy."

Renjun's suite is quieter than the empty hall. Icy, tense, nerve-wrecking. Donghyuck hovers by the door, palms clammy as he meets Renjun’s glare through the mirror’s reflection. This feels awfully familiar. 

“Renjun,” he says as he steps in.

Renjun keeps his cold stare fixed on Donghyuck, then rolls his eyes as he promptly ignores him. His hair is finally touched up into an elegant bun, having stripped off his white coat and replaced it with a sequined blazer. His silence makes Donghyuck quiver. 

“I just want to say I’m really sorry.”

“That wasn’t a very nice prank, Hyuck,” Renjun says frigidly.

“It wasn’t a prank,” Donghyuck denies quickly, shaking his head. “It was more like… desperate times call for desperate measures.”

Renjun finally turns fully towards him, eyes narrowing. “In what dire situation did you think you needed to ruin my wedding?”

Telling the real reason has always been the hardest part. Explaining his situation sounds absurd even inside his own head. 

Clenching his fists, Donghyuck hesitates to put his curiosity to words, but eventually gives in.

“If I told you I was in a time loop,” he begins carefully, “and I had to try everything to get out of it, even if it meant stopping your wedding, would you believe me?”

He is met with a skeptical scowl, Renjun's face contorting into a mix of disbelief, confusion, and irritation. Time stretches as he icily stares at Donghyuck, searching for something in his eyes, waiting for him to admit that all of this is a joke. 

Then, he swivels back to face the mirror. 

"I’m not talking to you anymore. Get out.”

Donghyuck stays where he is. 

“No. I’m here to apologise.”

Renjun exhales sharply. “And I don’t want to forgive you. I only had one day, one day to make it perfect, and you ruined it.”

That's the irony in it. Renjun and Jeno had more than one day. Everyone in this estate hotel had. Only Donghyuck is cursed to repeat the same one and remember every version of it. 

"I've been trying to make it perfect too, Renjun! I got stabbed by glass, got crushed to death, got burned to a crisp trying. It's just--I ran out of options at the cost of this. And I'm sorry."

His heart hammers against his chest, heavy with guilt. Renjun’s glare sharpens, still not buying it. “I’m not here for jokes.”

“I’m not here for jokes either,” Donghyuck says, firmer now. “I’m here to apologise.”

The silence that follows is heavy and uncomfortable, it almost feels like dying. Unfortunately, Donghyuck would know.

“Then make your piece and leave,” Renjun finally says, coldly.

In the grand scheme of things, this conversation shouldn't matter. If the goal of this loop is to not have the wedding happen at all, then the day will consequently repeat itself. And Renjun will wake up tomorrow, today, with no memory of this whole disaster, no memory of the pain or betrayal, the words Donghyuck said, or the damage he caused. It shouldn't matter if the entire human civilisation and world itself forget to remember. 

But throughout all this, there's Donghyuck. He will always remember. There's a sense of responsibility he has to bear. He has to deal with the aftermath. And he doesn't want anyone to feel hurt by his actions. 

If escaping the loop means destroying Renjun and Jeno’s happiness, then Donghyuck will simply have to keep living the same day over and over again. It's a sacrifice he's willing to make. Quite a Sisyphean task, but that's something he just has to deal with. One must imagine Sisyphus happy, or whatnot. 

Maybe, somewhere along this endless repetition, he will find his own version of happiness too. And maybe, just maybe, it’s already there waiting for him when he relives it all over again. 

Donghyuck breathes in deeply.

“I thought I needed to ruin your wedding to get out of this loop. It's hard to believe, but it's real. This one was the only option I hadn’t tried, and now I regret it. I really, really hope it doesn’t work.”

Trying hard to make sense of everything, Renjun clasps his hands together tightly. “So you’re saying you sabotaged my wedding because of a time loop.”

“I know how it sounds,” Donghyuck says immediately.

“It sounds like you ruined my wedding,” Renjun retorts.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t get to walk in here and drop something like that on me," Renjun snaps and points to the door. "Out."

“Okay, okay," Donghyuck relents, lifting his hands slightly in surrender. "Can I just say one last thing?"

Renjun doesn’t answer, but he doesn’t tell Donghyuck to leave again either, so he takes the silence as permission to speak. 

“It wasn’t all a lie. You were my first love."

It feels weird putting it into words now. Donghyuck had chickened out so many times before, disguising his affection in playful banters and friendly pet names, but never truly manning up to tell Renjun what he felt. Saying it right now, really feels like closing a book on a past unrequited love. 

“I know that probably makes it worse, but I’m not saying it to confuse you. I’m saying it because I thought it was relevant and thought it could be my ticket out of this. But that doesn't matter right now. What matters is you and your happiness. But I still hurt you. I'm sorry for ruining it on your wedding day.”

After a brief lulling silence, Renjun finally speaks. “That's a strange way to prove you’re over it.”

Donghyuck lets out a tired, humourless laugh. “I know.”

“I still can’t believe you had the audacity to do this on my wedding day,” Renjun says.

“I’m happy for you,” Donghyuck says again. “I am. And I’m really glad it’s Jeno. It has to be Jeno. He loves you in a way I never could’ve. No one could ever love you like he does. You deserve that.”

Something softens in Renjun, and a mix of relief and endearment pools Donghyuck's chest when a small smile appears on his face.

“I’ll make it right. I don’t know how yet, but I will.”

Renjun decides to humour him. “When the day loops?”

The tension that has been sitting in his chest finally loosens just a bit, and he lets out a chuckle. 

“You’re finally getting it.”

When Donghyuck steps out of the suite, Jeno is already there, leaning against the wall. From the looks of it, Donghyuck can tell he has probably heard at least part of the conversation.

“Just making sure you don’t steal my husband from me,” Jeno says. 

“I’m sorry.”

“You already said that.”

“I probably will again tomorrow,” Donghyuck says, rubbing the back of his neck. 

Jeno squints at him, trying to figure out if Donghyuck’s messing around. “Donghyuck, I swear if this is an elaborate prank--”

“It’s not,” Donghyuck almost whines. The exhaustion in his voice is impossible to hide. It has been a long day. 

It has been a long, few days. 

“Hey, Jeno, if you had to repeat your wedding over and over again, what would you do?”

The question catches Jeno off guard. He eyes Donghyuck questionably, then ends up entertaining him anyway. 

“I’d find my way out of it, and if I couldn’t, I’ll just live life as it is, marrying Renjun every day, and stop trying to make it perfect. Unless someone attempts to steal my husband for himself.” 

Donghyuck inwardly winces at the targeted statement. He’s so glad Jeno will forget about all of this tomorrow. 

“I’d make sure that every day still ends the same way.”

Donghyuck tilts his head, urging Jeno to go on.

“That I find Renjun in every version of the day,” Jeno continues. “Even if everything else goes wrong. Even if a storm comes. Even if Aunt Lin somehow steals the microphone, or the guests fight, or the cake gets knocked off, or any disaster you could think of that could ruin everything.”

A small, shy, fond smile appears on his face. “I’d just make sure I'll love him like it’s the first time.”

For a moment, Donghyuck is rid of words to say. 

“That’s…” he starts, then stops. Jeno could’ve said that in his vows, what the hell? So, this must be the love they talk about in storybooks. 

“If I’m stuck repeating it anyway, I don’t need perfection. I just need certainty.”

“That he’ll always say yes?”

“That he's always happy to choose me back.”

It’s that simple. Donghyuck can’t believe it completely flew over his head. It’s not about controlling every possible outcome. It’s never even about making sure nothing wrong happened. It's about knowing who you'll reach for at the end of the day.

It's about time. It's about how he makes sense of it. Time is such a precious little thing. It's precious because it passes. It's precious because it doesn't loop. And when it does loop, maybe Donghyuck drew the short end of the stick. Maybe Donghyuck hit the jackpot.

Maybe they're the two sides of the same coin. Maybe he's stuck here forever. Maybe tomorrow will never ever come. But beyond the hopelessness and the despair and the desperation, maybe tomorrow also can't wait to happen. Maybe tomorrow is just within his grasp. And maybe when he tells the people he loves that he loves them, then maybe this time, they will finally remember. And maybe they will say it back. What a wonderful feeling that will be. 

Profoundly moved, Donghyuck reaches out and gives Jeno a firm pat on the back. "Jesus. I didn’t know you had that in you.”

Then it happens again, the familiar pull at the edges of everything, the strange sensation of his consciousness thinning out before time resets itself. Donghyuck feels it in his fingertips first, then his chest, and then his head turns all hazy.

Here he goes again.

From the corner of his blurry vision, he sees Jaemin running towards him.

A faint laugh escapes Donghyuck, too tired to be surprised anymore as he braces himself for the inevitable. 

“Nice timing you got there.”

And then darkness. And then the solace of warm hands. And then the words he's been wanting to say, just at the tip of his tongue. 

~*~

Sunlight pours into the room, bathing everything in it in a delicate glow. The covers are soft and warm, wrapping him in pure comfort. And Jisung is seconds away from destroying the door and punching a hole straight through it.

Donghyuck has never felt more relieved to hear the constant pounding. At this point, it's become music to his ears. It feels so good to be alive. 

Time is a circle. Where did he hear that from again? How life happens in loops, and this is the life he's living right now. How he will always keep coming back to the same old places, and it's all up to him to see them with new eyes. 

It's a brand new day. It's the same old day. Everything has already happened. And everything else hasn't happened yet. What's the difference? He'll just step into it as he always does.  

Donghyuck takes time to free his limbs from the tangled sheets. For once he does not wake up with dread. He simply gets up.

He opens the door to see the same Jisung, with the same strained expression, with the same space-patterned tie.

"Hyung!" he greets with a slight whine. 

"When this is all over, we need to have a talk," Donghyuck says, not acknowledging the greeting. Jisung raises a brow in confusion and Donghyuck responds with gingerly taking the water bottle and hangover remedy from his hands.

"I know you have stuff to do, so run along. I'm also busy. Sorry you had to go all this way." 

Donghyuck waves him off, already about to close the door. Jisung stops it halfway.

"Something's not quite right," Jisung says skeptically, lingering awkwardly by the doorway.

Donghyuck purses his lips, urging Jisung to just go. 

And then, "Before you leave, I just want to say I'm proud of you and you're making all the right decisions," he says, already closing the gap. “See you later, baby.” Then for good measure, he blows him a kiss. 

Turns out all of this is a trap. There was never anything to fix. Every setback was just a means to lead him towards a realisation he should’ve reached much earlier. 

This was never about the wedding. This isn't even about Renjun and Jeno. In the end, they're exactly who Donghyuck always knew them to be. Two people who faced the world together, who teook every unexpected turn in stride, who never cared about perfection as long as they had each other. 

That's why Renjun didn't flinch when Aunt Lin was singing off-key. Why there was not a big reaction when Jeno found out the flowers were all wrong. Nor when the rain poured and poured and soaked their socks, messed with their hair, and smudged their makeup. 

The world could fall apart and it still wouldn’t matter. They're still standing next to each other.  

Donghyuck never had to fix anything about this wedding, because Renjun and Jeno never wanted anything fixed in the first place. The day was already perfect from the beginning. 

It's never about the flowers or the weather or the broken sound system. It had never been about "saving the day". This had always been about him. Donghyuck. About constant reminisces, about forsaken chances so the universe gave him endless amounts of them.  

He thinks of Jisung who chose to leave and chase bigger dreams. He thinks of Chenle who picked himself back up and persisted to try again with another restaurant. He thinks of Renjun and Jeno and marriage and love. He thinks of Jaemin with a hand perpetually reached towards him, who kept waiting even as Donghyuck ran in the opposite direction, who refused to let time move forward without him. 

The garden looks exactly as it has always been the many times Donghyuck walked through it. 

Staff move the chairs into clean rows, adjusting floral decorations that are slightly out of place. As always, Jeno is there by the white seats, making one final inspection to see if things are going smoothly. He really doesn't have to do all that. The wedding will be perfect anyway. 

After all the attempts of Donghyuck trying to fix every possible setback, Chenle is finally able to take a moment to breathe, now talking animatedly to Jisung with exaggerated hand gestures. Jisung attentively listens, with a soft, fond expression Donghyuck has not seen on him before. 

Without fail, Renjun appears, joining Jeno to observe the current state of their soon-to-be wedding. Jeno reaches for Renjun's hand, holding it gently in his own before giving it a reassuring squeeze.

Jaemin is right where Donghyuck saw him the first time. 

Standing along the floral pathway leading towards the garden, his attention on his phone, brows knitted in concentration. He's in a deep navy coat over a white button down with a plunging neckline, not low enough to reveal too much, but just enough to keep a sliver of skin exposed; a silver chain rests against the skin between his collarbones. Donghyuck's breath still hitches at the semi-rimless glasses.

Donghyuck walks to where he is, and Jaemin must have sensed someone approaching, because he lowers his phone and looks up. 

"Donghyuck?"

He's so nervous he might throw up, knees threatening to give out beneath him. After everything he has endured, the deaths, the resets, this feels even more nerve-wrecking. 

"Um, nice weather." Donghyuck wants to punch himself.

"Right," Jaemin says, quite perplexed. He then tilts his head to the clear blue sky. "Think it might rain?"

"I'll let you in on a secret. There's a hundred percent chance of rainfall in an hour. You should ready an umbrella."

Jaemin laughs, probably thinking of it as a joke. That's fine. He'll find out soon enough. 

"That's noted."

Donghyuck clenches and unclenches his fist, chewing on his lip as he tries to gather himself. This is so fucking awkward. 

He has faced impossible situations, faced death countless times, and somehow none of those compare to standing in front of Jaemin and trying to figure out what to say.

"It's--uh,” he clears his throat. “It's nice to see you. Again. It's been," A hot minute. "A while. It's been a while."

"I know." It’s simple, but it carries weight. 

"I just want to say. After the ceremony and everything, can we talk? Maybe a walk? A walk talk?"

He is ruining this for himself, isn't he? For a second there, Donghyuck wishes that the day would reset itself again like it always had. He needs a do-over. He looks absolutely pathetic tripping over his words right now when he's supposed to be rizzing Jaemin and showing off how cool and put together he is. He needs to embody Haechan's confidence and charisma and sex appeal.

But Jaemin is viewing him with sparkly, bright, hopeful eyes. If that's what he's seeing, then Donghyuck must be doing something right.

"Of course. I'd love a walk talk."

The relief that leaves Donghyuck almost makes his entire body sag.

"Great," Donghyuck breathes out, tension escaping his system. "That's perfect. I'll see you then."

And Donghyuck trips when he walks away.

Like clockwork, the downpour came, and Renjun and Jeno embraced the rain. Donghyuck abandons the umbrella and lets his shoes get soiled this time. He searches for Jaemin who is sitting by the far end of the garden, already looking at him with a bewildered, equally amused expression. Donghyuck just smiles at him, before he stands up along with everyone else to move to the glasshouse.

Renjun leans into the microphone with a bashful grin and says, “Now this is truly a wedding to remember for all of us." Predictably, the crowd laughs, and Donghyuck does too. 

For the past few days, weeks, a month or more, Donghyuck has been too consumed by everything happening around him. Preoccupied with too many things, too many thoughts, he realised he was never truly present during the entire ceremony, thinking how can he solve every anomaly, how can he cheat death, how can he possibly break free from this.

This is the first time he's let himself breathe freely. It's also the first time he's paid full attention to the ceremonial vows.

Jeno taps the microphone and it lets out a small screeching sound.

"Renjun," he begins. "I hope you liked the rain. It's a surprise, even to me."

The joke lands like the pattering raindrops, the guests responding with laughter. Everyone looks like a mess with their unkempt hair and wet clothes, but there are smiles on their faces. Even Renjun breaks into a wide grin, smacking Jeno's chest playfully. The microphone picks up Jeno apologising. He then clears his throat.

"Renjunnie, Pretty Injunnie. Huang Renjun who is the complete opposite of me. Huang Renjun who is my perfect match. Thank you for coming to my life. I should probably thank your parents for that."

Donghyuck hears crying from his left, then sees Renjun’s parents wiping their tears, his cousins sniffling, Aunt Lin the one crying the loudest. Jeno's sister is a bit tear eyed as well. Huh, Si Cheng is crying too. What a crybaby family, he thinks adoringly. 

"Remember when you first came to Ilsan? I was so happy then, because I finally had a new playmate that isn't Donghyuck."

"Hey!" Donghyuck exclaims, taken aback by the unexpected name drop. Jeno and Renjun just laugh at his cartoonish reaction.

"You--We were so small back then. Who knew we would grow up into the people we are now? We went to school together, went on trips together, graduated together, even went to the hospital together when we crashed into a canal. Donghyuck came crying the next day. And now we're building a home together. We did so many things that I cannot imagine living this life without you."

"I'm a homebody. I'm stubborn. I don't really talk much. But you accept me as I am. And then change me for the better. You make a homebody like me get out of the house and step outside. And now I'm seeing the world differently in its beautiful colours. All because of you.

"I used to only appreciate your company because you hang out with me when I'm bored. But as the days went by, I wanted to spend more time with you. During hard times, happy times, idle times. Every moment with you is perfect. That's why I don't mind if the rain comes, if the storm comes, if this wedding doesn't go as smoothly. Because we're going through this together. What matters is you. And here you are. And I love you. Unconditionally.

"I'm thankful you've been with me through it all. Thank you for growing with me, for seeing every side of me and loving me as I am. And I promise to do the same, and to grow with you until we're grey and old. If you'll have me." 

Jeno's ears are burning red, Donghyuck can see how embarrassed he is, but he can also feel nothing but sincerity and affection. Tears are falling down Renjun's cheeks and Jeno panics to wipe them carefully to not mess up his makeup even more, crescent-shaped eyes creasing as he smiles fondly. He hands the microphone to Renjun, and Renjun takes his time to gain composure, laughing at himself for being so emotional.

"I'm sorry, I promise I wouldn't cry, but I'm a huge crybaby," Renjun says in between sniffles and his own giggles and the crowd laughs with him. His red cheeks are now stained with tears. He firmly holds Jeno's hand and faces him.

"My Nono, my love. How dare you make me cry?"

The audience resounds again with laughter. 

"Gosh, I should have gone first," Renjun says, nervously chuckling to himself. 

"To start, I want to list the things I love about you. I love how you're a homebody, because then I could just spend time with you and laze with you at home, without even doing anything. I love how stubborn you are because I find it cute. I love your quiet side, because it's comforting and puts me at ease. I love your maturity, your honesty. I love how you don't get angry. Your gentleness. Your hardworking side, your sulky side. I love how you keep me grounded when my mind goes elsewhere in faraway worlds. I love how I sleep well when I'm with you. And you know how much I value my beauty sleep. If I could go on, it would take us forever. I just love every side of you, and I hope I can see more of it as we live life as we go. I'm not perfect either. I'm moody, I'm high maintenance, I get scared easily, I can get mean, and I get tired easily so I can't always match your pace. But you always wait for me and accept me as I am.

"We planned this wedding together, did it from scratch. I remember us promising each other to not blame ourselves when things don't go the way we want to. And would you look at that? It started raining. I take the rain as a blessing, of the many more surprises this marriage will have in store for us, and I promise to face them together with you. Just keep holding my hand, and I promise I'll keep holding yours. I love you. Wholeheartedly. With every cell of my being. Let's face life with all its ups and downs, okay?"

Jeno nods softly, reaching to cup Renjun's cheeks and gently wipe away his tear with his thumb. 

The ceremony follows without incident, the officiant pronouncing them officially married, Renjun shakily sliding the ring into Jeno's finger, it slips out of his hands and rolls down the aisle, Jeno had to chase for it. Afterwards, the newlyweds tenderly press their lips together in a soft, chaste kiss. 

When the celebration moves to the banquet hall, Donghyuck lingers behind and walks to the adjacent garden instead.

The sun has long dipped from the horizon, replaced by a full moon. Its pale light spills over the garden, casting a subtle glow on everything it touches. It lands perfectly on Jaemin's soft and sharp features like a halo. He's waiting by one of the pavilions, attention focused on one of the floral decorations. When he notices Donghyuck approaching, he lifts his back and straightens himself.

Donghyuck fills the empty space on Jaemin's side and staying there for a while feels as natural as a lazy summer afternoon, clouds in the sky, and the earth orbiting the sun. When he lifts his heel to walk along the stone path leading to the nearby stream, Jaemin follows. 

"I saw you on the billboard on the way here," Jaemin says, filling the comfortable silence.

"Did I look good?"

"It made me hard."

"Oh, shut up."

It isn't a long pathway, but it sort of feels like it, how time stretches longer with Jaemin just inches from him. The warm breeze brushes against his skin, gentle and forgiving, and Donghyuck prays for the night to be kinder. He wants to hold Jaemin’s hand. 

"So... Doctor Na?" Donghyuck calls out, kicking a stray pebble.

"Yes, Haechan-ssi?" Jaemin answers with a smile.

"I hope you've been well."

"Same old," he says again, and again Donghyuck wonders what that means. Donghyuck five years ago would know, but right now, he has to fill in the blanks. 

"Hospital rounds, surgeries, giving my young patients candy, giving my older patients candy too so they don't feel left out. If you're asking for anything specific, then yes, I still enjoy getting sleep paralysis.  I still do photography. The usual, same old." And again, Jaemin gives pieces of himself that Donghyuck has missed. "You seem to do well yourself. I listen to some of the songs."

Would he still listen to those sad songs knowing they're about him? Donghyuck can only wonder. 

"Thanks for the ego boost."

"Anytime. I'm your first fan, after all." 

"Actually, that would be my mom," he says, rather than acknowledging that that might be true.  

In fact, Jaemin is his first everything. Well, most of it. First love aside, he's his first kiss, first boyfriend, first real relationship, first heartbreak, and many more in between.

The landscape is breathtaking even under the glow of the night, and part of Donghyuck wishes they could just simply admire the scenery like this. But he isn’t here to look at picture-perfect views with Jaemin. He draws in a slow breath.

"The day before our breakup, I failed an audition and got dropped by a label that promised to sign a contract with me," Donghyuck opens up to a time of dejection and hopelessness and just plain misery, and the revelation has Jaemin turning to him in surprise, having heard it for the first time. "I didn't want to tell you, because you might blame yourself for something that wasn't your fault. I was just not good enough."

"I guess it snowballed and I started doubting my worth outside of being a singer. And if being in a relationship wasn't helping us grow as our own person. You were studying all the time, building a future that actually meant something, and you were so close to getting it, and I thought I might just be a big distraction."

Jaemin's silence keeps him going.

"I convinced myself I was doing you a favor. Like I was being noble or mature or whatever I was telling myself back then. And for the longest time, I believed it. Jeno told me you passed the licensure exam, then later Renjun told me you completed your residency. And I was on the sixth leg of my tour. I did everything by myself, by my own merit, and it’s been fulfilling, and I have learned to like the person, the artist that I’ve become. I have achieved so much. But it's been so incredibly lonely. I have a supportive label, a dedicated team, and there's also Jisung, but at the end of the day, it's just me going home to an empty apartment."

Donghyuck looks into the distance, into a pristine lush landscape draped in moonlight.

"I find myself missing you."

After finally laaying his heart bare and shedding all that emotional baggage, Jaemin hits him with, "You are so incredibly stupid!" 

If it were humanly possible, then the tears welling up in Donghyuck’s eyes would've shot back up and retreated to his tear ducts. Any sign of a very emotional, heartfelt moment has poofed into smoke.

"That's just mean! After I just told you something very vulnerable!"

Jaemin sighs loudly.

"You don't get to decide that for me, but I still let you go thinking it would make you happier than when you were with me. I should've just yanked you back to your senses because you have really some fucked up perception of self and our whole relationship."

Donghyuck shrinks, lowering his head, fingers picking at each other. "Yeah, I kinda learned that the hard way."

"Do you know the torment you put me into? When you left me, you disappeared like a ghost, Jeno won't tell me anything, and all of a sudden, you were everywhere, it's like every piece of memory with you is plastered everywhere just to spite me. I couldn't escape you."

Donghyuck understands that feeling more than he ever wanted to, because it had been the same for him.

When Jaemin agreed to part ways, he took pieces of himself and unknowingly left them scattered everywhere. Everything leads back to a memory. His mind travels back to the past when he sees a stray kitten, when he chances upon a cookbook, he's there every time he sees a camera. Even after distancing himself from his embrace, he’s kept in Jaemin’s clutches. 

"I thought it's been really cruel, seeing you everywhere, but never having you near. I wanted you to come back home to me."

Donghyuck lets himself look at Jaemin, and when he does, all he sees are the years he's spent running away when he should've been running towards him. He's spent so long wondering if Jaemin hated him, if he forgot about him, if he were happier without him, that it was pointless to reach back for him when he has probably moved on. 

Turns out Jaemin is right. He really is so incredibly stupid.

"Are you willing to take me back in?"

"Silly, the door has always been open. I missed you too. So badly.”

Jaemin is cradling Donghyuck’s cheek and next thing he knows, he’s melting. 

It feels soft, sweet, and delicate, being kissed like this. So tenderly, so eagerly it almost made up with years of being untouched. Almost. The only way to completely atone for it is a whole lifetime supply of it. Donghyuck hasn’t been kissed like this since he could remember. With so much want, so much desire. For a long, long while. He thinks he could die from it, just to have a taste of it again like it’s the first time.

“I love you,” Jaemin says in between kisses, angling his face to press his lips on Donghyuck’s even deeper, deeper, and deeper. “I always have,” he softly exhales into his mouth. Donghyuck bumps into his glasses, and Jaemin irritably takes it off to get rid of any obstruction. A soft whine bubbles from Donghyuck. What a shame, he wanted that on. 

Mind reduced to mush, Donghyuck’s hands rest on Jaemin’s shoulders, then down to his waist, to help him get a least of balance, letting himself drown in the feeling. 

“I’ve always loved you,” Donghyuck confesses as he pulls himself back, a bit breathless, mind a haze. But what’s clear is that there is love, and there is happiness, and he has never been so sure. “Yesterday, today, and tomorrow.”

Once they’ve put a short distance from each other to catch their breath, Jaemin leans in to plant a soft kiss on his forehead, so light and feathery it felt like the caress of a gentle wind. Donghyuck savours it.

Donghyuck wraps his arms around Jaemin’s waist, tugging him closer, resting his cheek on his shoulder. He nuzzles deeper, soaking up the warmth that he always remembered was like home. Jaemin leans his head on top of his, fingers wandering into Donghyuck's hair, combing through the soft strands. The gentle touch sends tiny shivers across his skin, and he can’t help smiling as he snuggles even closer, so consumed by his own bliss he would stay there for as long as Jaemin would let him. 

“I think a part of me died when you left,” Donghyuck says quietly into his shoulder. He spent all these years trying to put together all the broken parts when there is always that one place he could come to for refuge.

“That's funny. I’ve been keeping myself alive hoping you’d come back.” Jaemin’s voice is deep yet quiet, low enough he could feel it vibrate through his chest. 

Donghyuck hugs him tighter. “I’m here now.” 

They stay like that before Jaemin pulls away slightly, his hand finding its way to the spaces in between his fingers. 

“Do you still want to join the party or do you want to get out of here?” he suggests allusively, wriggling his eyebrows in a way that makes him look stupid. Donghyuck wants to kick him. 

Instead, Donghyuck squeezes his hand and drags him to the familiar petal-scattered pathway, and into the hotel lobby.

“I’m going to enjoy this wedding to the fullest!” he exclaims, letting the wind run through his hair as he runs to the banquet hall, Jaemin in tow. “And you’re joining me.”

What follows is a liberated, wholehearted laugh behind him that has always been his favourite. 

The first half of the reception has already passed, but that’s fine, Donaghyuck has seen it more times than he can count. When they walk through the door, Renjun and Jeno immediately spot him and drag him into the dance floor, and Jaemin along with him. They dance, they sing, they eat, drink, and have a whale of a time. And he’s happy. He’s never been this happy. Never felt this whole. 

When the celebration tones down into casual chatter, Donghyuck finds himself side by side with Jaemin again, sipping wine. 

“You okay?” Jaemin says, handing him a table napkin. “That’s your fourth one.”

“I wonder…” Idly swirling his glass, Donghyuck thinks back over the many times he has drank this over the days. Those days now feel impossibly far away, like they’re lifetimes ago. He tips the glass back and drains the final sip.

A pleasant warmth mellows down beneath his skin, leaving him just lightheaded enough to lean into Jaemin, letting the sounds of the reception drift around them. Across the room, Renjun and Jeno are having a light chat, like they’re just that kind of couple you chance upon at a cafe gossiping over some nonsensical thing. They’re husbands now, yet somehow for Donghyuck, they’re still the same teenagers he grew up with. Some things just never change. 

“You know, what you told me just now was a lot to take in,” Jaemin says when everything has settled down like fine dust. 

Donghyuck doesn't want perfect anymore. He just wants Jaemin. And that, that is enough. That should be enough. It just took a lot of dying and mental anguish to figure it out.

He lets out a sheepish laugh. "Yeah, sorry. I was too busy dying to come up with a better script."

When he starts getting comfortable on Jaemin’s shoulder, a familiar sensation courses through his body, seeping into his bones. Exhaustion manifests through a yawn, a hazy vision, and heavy limbs. 

How cruel, Donghyuck thinks, but without bitterness, accepting it as it is. If he wakes up again, if he has to start over and find Jaemin all over again, then he will. He will tell everything again. He will choose him again. And again and again and again. 

The past, with all its regrets and pains and tears, can stay where it belongs. He is letting it go.

He can’t wait for tomorrow. 

~*~

The knock came again.

The sound has already carved itself into Donghyuck's consciousness. For a split second, his body reacts the way it usually did, heart stuttering and nerves jittery. But the unease fades as quickly as it came. 

The ceiling, the lights, the vanity, the pajamas he's wearing. Everything is exactly as it always was. Those should be enough clues.

Great. I got yesterday again. 

He doesn't know how many times he has to see Jisung's adorable, squishy face the first thing in the morning before he finally loses his mind and starts destroying everything around him like a feral animal. 

The knocking has grown louder and Donghyuck groans, forcing himself upright and swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. Then a memory comes back to him. Of last night, of Jaemin, of second, third, fourth, nth chances. The fact that Jaemin still wanted him back is enough to soften the dread threatening to take over. 

It's fine. Things are fine. He'll just have to say he loves him again today, and tomorrow, and today, and yesterday, and tomorrow, and yesterday. He'll just have to keep saying it. 

Donghyuck opens the door to see someone who is definitely, undoubtedly, unquestionably not Jisung.

What he sees is a bar cart carrying a plate of injeolmi toast and a cup of steaming coffee. Definitely not a Jisung. Most definitely a breakfast set.

"Good morning, sunshine!" a chirpy voice emerges from behind his wall. Donghyuck cranes his neck and finds Jaemin and his million teeth grinning at him.

"What..."

Dumbfounded, Donghyuck stays frozen in place, mind trying to generate a million thoughts. Without a clue of his current perplexed state, Jaemin leisurely rolls in the cart, whistling, and walks past him inside his room.

"Not trying to get ahead of myself or anything, but it's always been my dream to serve you breakfast in bed. You passed out last night, so I figured you really were exhausted."

"Uh... You've done that before," Donghyuck reminds him despite himself, slowly closing the door behind him. What's going on right now.

"In a hotel, I mean. Now come here."

Cautiously, with freezing fingertips, Donghyuck walks over, afraid if any wrong action might trigger another reset or a burst in a bubble that will reveal this is nothing but a dream, a nightmare, or a very realistic hallucination. 

Jaemin reaches out and Donghyuck grabs his hand firmly. No, this touch feels too real to be a mere product of his delusions. It's warm and grounding. 

"Now that we're here, any ideas on how to start over?”

Donghyuck's shoulder loosens, any semblance of doubt melting off his body. 

"I was hoping you’d know the answer,” he mutters, still slightly disoriented.

“That's fine. We can figure it out,” Jaemin says, softer now. "Together."

It should have been Donghyuck's first clue that he feels no signs of a headache since he woke up, and how much lighter he feels.

Still, he wants to confirm it.

"Jaemin, what date is it today?"

"Hm?" Jaemin looks at him with clear, bright eyes. "It's the 24th of July."

It’s the 24th of July. Which means it’s tomorrow. Which means he’s finally free. A new day. A new morning. A new life to conquer, to rebuild, to face as it comes. This time, he isn’t alone anymore. 

The future suddenly lies ahead of him, ahead of them, in countless, ordinary tomorrows. Donghyuck doesn’t have to earn them anymore. Finally, time is his to keep. It's for him to hold onto and share. The relief is so immense it leaves him feeling weightless and hollow all at once. He’s so happy he could cry. Maybe he’s already on the verge of tears. 

"It's finally over," Donghyuck whispers, saying it to himself, barely louder than a breath, but Jaemin hears him anyway. 

Jaemin leans in, fondness in his eyes, gently brushing Donghyuck's hair back and pressing a soft kiss to his lips, tender enough it feels sacred.

"Oh, my beloved sun. Isn't this just the beginning?”