Work Text:
Reel Around the Fountain - 2011 Remaster | The Smiths
Age of Consent - 2015 Remaster | New Order
“‘Good day Lieutenant Vanto?!’ That’s it? That’s all I get? That’s all I fucking get?”
Eli slammed his hands onto the desk, face burning as his throat tightened. Thrawn flinched violently, arms reflexively moving up to protect his body, his eyes going wide, stomach lurching. He raised his open hands to either side of his head, mentally preparing to defend himself. “Eli-” he started.
“I thought we had somethin'!” He fisted the desktop again. “I thought you loved me,” his voice took on a softer, more hurt tone. “It’s been a year, Thrawn,” he said, voice wavering. “It’s been a year since I last saw you, since I last spoke to you; it’s been forever since I last held you. And fucking ‘Good day’ is all I get? Did you not miss me? Have you not spent every night thinkin' of me? Because I know I did of you,” he paused, taking a shaky breath. “I did.”
Thrawn just sat there, heart crawling into his throat as he tried to conjure up a reply. This was the one situation he couldn’t strategically plan for. The one situation in which he didn’t know how to act. The one situation he’d never hoped had happened.
It pained him to see Eli so frustrated, so hurt, even if it wasn’t his fault. So, when it was, it was tenfold worse.
“Eli…” he started, mind going in override as he tried to think of an adequate response. “I did not mean to…” his voice trailed off, words lodging in his throat. “Mean to what?” Eli spat.
“I could not, do you not see? What do you think would happen, if word of us got out?” he gestured between them. “Do you not remember how careful we used to be?”
“So why didn’t you come see me later? You're a Grand Admiral, for star’s sake. You can do what you want. You’ve had more than enough time,” Eli interrogated.
Thrawn brought his hands back to the desk, fidgeting with his thumbs as his gaze fell to the floor. “I was unsure… whether you still wanted me.”
Eli dropped back into his chair, his fury finally relenting. “What do you mean?”
“I did miss you. I did spend every night thinking about you,” Thrawn refused to meet Eli gaze, eyes catching on the art displays. “And whether I was worthy of you.” Eli’s eyes widened. Thrawn hunched forward, cupping his face in his hands. “You have every right to be angry at me. I understand. But while you were away, I thought so much about you, and about what I had done to you.”
It was now Eli’s turn to be lost for words, simply watching as Thrawn talked, a confusing mix of anger, hurt, and uncertainty unmasked on his face.
“I derailed your entire career. I ruined your relationships with your family. The other officers treated you like a punching bag because of your association with me. Your promotions were delayed and you were targeted. I made you do things no friend should have to do. No things a lover should have to do. I endangered your safety so many times.” His voice broke, “You almost died…
“If it weren’t for me, you could be a happily retired supply officer, living at home with a family and a life. Because of me, you’ve spent far too long away from everyone and everything you’ve ever known, ever loved, this year even more so. I sent you away. I’ve ruined your life in so many different ways. I do not see why you would care for me.”
Without a word, Eli got up from the chair and wrapped his arms around Thrawn, placing his head atop Thrawn’s, breathing in his familiar scent.
“I care for you because you’ve done so much good for me, Thrawn. If it weren’t for you, I’d be holed up in some cargo hold in the middle of nowhere. It’s what I wanted before, but not now. Now I have you.”
He pulled back, taking Thrawn’s hands, offering him a small smile. “You’ve shown me so much, taught me so much. I can see things in ways I would've never thought possible, because you taught me how. And I love you because of the amazing man that you are.”
He stopped, hesitating. "And I'm sorry for yellin' at you."
Thrawn’s eyes watered. He said nothing, instead clutching Eli’s uniform and yanking him close as he buried his face in his chest. Eli patted his back, then stood, dragging his chair next to Thrawn’s, legs touching as they sat side-by-side, just enjoying each other’s presence.
“In my defence,” Eli broke the silence, a witty smile tugging at his lips, “there are much better ways to say that. I mean, ‘good day?’ Come on, I thought you’re a genius.” He gave Thrawn a playful nudge with his elbow.
“I was not in the best position to say much else,” Thrawn responded.
“I know,” Eli said. “I’m still gonna tease you anyways. I gotta get my revenge somehow.”
“Alright,” Thrawn conceded, taking in the warmth of Eli’s smiling face.