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In hindsight, maybe it wasn’t the best call to send Flambae, Prism, and Waterboy as judges to the local university’s fashion contest. At the moment, it seemed practical, Prism had her charisma, Flambae had his…opinions about fashion, and Waterboy could do his best to keep Flambae from making someone cry if he started getting too harsh about said opinions.
While the whole of the Z-Team’s popularity had risen following the Red Ring attack months ago, and Flambae and Prism had already been among the team’s most recognizable and popular heroes, it was surprisingly Waterboy who had gotten the most attention. Apparently the designers loved his appearance (legs for days and puppy eyes being among the phrases he made out from the designer’s chatter), and tried getting him to model some of their looks. He declined, as gently as possible, explaining what his powers would do to their work. There had been pouting for exactly five seconds before one of them offered to design him a new hero suit instead. Waterboy hesitated, before also declining as politely as possible.
Flambae and Prism, however, were not letting it go.
“Seriously, you have these wannabe fashion designers—except for Gabriella, she’s cool— falling over themselves trying to design a new suit for you and you turn them down?!” Flambae huffed yet again as they made their way back to headquarters.
“Or at least model for them!” Prism added. She held up a finger, “And before you start going on about your powers there were a lot of outfits that would have benefitted from a little water.”
“Th-there was one made out of paper!” Waterboy reminded. Apparently that suit was a collection of all the course notes the designer had taken in physics before switching to a career in fashion. The cape had been a nice touch! Even if it had ripped off half-way through.
“That one especially.” Prism replied. “That purple ombre dress with the cut out and sparkles though? I need to get that designer's information.”
“New project in mind already?” Flambae asked.
“I’ll always give some money and exposure to the people I see that are worth it. And the style that designer had? Worth it. It’s like they knew I’d be there!”
“Speaking of exposure—” Flambae turned his attention back to Waterboy and did not hide the way he looked over his suit with distaste, “If you beg me, maybe I could design you a new suit. You could definitely use a new one.”
“Ah—thanks for the offer, h-however I’m fine— the suit was— is— I’m fine with this suit.”
“You said the same thing back there too. You never said you like your suit. Just that ‘it’s fine’.” Mal chimed in over comms.
“I-I like it!” He defended immediately.
“Bullshit.” Victor said.
“You’re dressed like a banana, lad.” Punch Up agreed.
“Or a highlighter.” Visi added.
“It’s highly impractical for stealth.” Coupé said evenly.
“I’ve been informed that such colours can be garish to the human eye.” Phenomaman said and ouch that one hurt.
“Hero suits are overrated.” Golem said with a shrug could be heard over the call.
“Leave his suit alone and clear the comms.” Robert sighed.
“Hey! We’re helping him! It’s team building or hero work—charity work— whatever, we’re doing what you told us to do!” Flambae argued.
“I didn’t tell you to bully him over his suit choices.” Robert replied.
“Oh, it’s a choice all right.” Prism said.
“I think a new suit designed by Flambae will help his confidence!” Visi hummed, as if the pleasant tone would hide her shit-eating grin, “What do we think? Backless instead of tits out? Some hip cutouts? Give ‘em some contrast?”
“Backless could be nice, show off some of those gains he’s gotten.” Mal agreed.
“Tits out, have him match Flambae!” Sonar insisted.
“Oh you’d like that wouldn’t you—”
“Look, I c-can’t modify–change the suit. C-can we just—”
“The colour scheme at least!” Flambae groaned.
“Some deep blues would look nice on him,” Prism concurred. “Some teals would bring out his eyes, make him look less washed out.”
“Some green?” Golem suggested.
“Eh, too much like seaweed.” Punch Up said.
“What’s better? Seaweed or seaslug? Because between the cut of it and the headache inducing colors—” Flambae began,
Waterboy cut in, stopping right as they were about to round the corner to enter SDN and turning to look Flambae in the eye. In a far too steady voice he said, “It’s court ordered.” He turned on his heel and marched into the building, a faint trail of steam following behind him.
The comms were silent
Sonar broke the silence. “The suit is fucking what?!”
Herman punched in the numbers for the microwave on instinct and watched as his noodles spun around. He caught the reflection of the suit in the microwave’s face.
It was the best he could do with the checklist the judge had given him. Not many other iterations that he could come up with, he’d just barely gotten away with the teal racing stripes. Has to be full bodied. Has to limit outward damage from his powers. Has to be a fluorescent color. What did that leave him with? Highlighter yellow, Radioactive green, Acid Orange, Fluorescent Fuchia, or that godawful reflective silver that would have him melting down a city block whenever the sun hit just right.
Besides, at least he had managed to come up with a heroic costume! It made him look friendly! Probably. He wasn’t running around in a three piece suit or civilian clothes at least— okay those would remain inside thoughts, that was mean.
…
Seriously, who the fuck fought crime in a three piece suit?!
The microwave dinged before he could entertain the thought of whether or not they’d find it more acceptable if he fought crime in a bright yellow crop top, since they had so many opinions about his suit.
He went to exit the breakroom and take his lunch break in the janitor closet, head tilted down toward his cup of noodles, when the door swung open to the chatter of the people he was currently trying to avoid. He pivoted and instead squeezed himself into one of the tables in the farthest corner, hoping they’d grab what they needed and leave.
They did not, of course.
Flambae stopped right in front of his table. Herman braced himself for a face full of noodles again. At least they had been cold last time.
“...So it’s like a fucking liability thing, right?”
“What?”
“The suit!” Flambae gestured at him. “It’s like how grocery stores have to put up wet floor signs! So a liability thing right? You made too many people slip?”
“...No, Flambae, my costu—hero suit is not like this because I’m a liability.” He nearly stabbed through the styrofoam cup of his noodles with a poorly aimed fork jab.
“Hey I didn’t say you were the liability! I meant the wet powers, wetbitch!”
“No, my hero suit is not like this because the powers—because my powers are a liability.” Herman shoveled some noodles into his mouth.
“Is it like a community service vest?” Visi popped up and Herman just barely managed to keep noodles from coming up his nose.
He shook his head and he thawcked himself on the chest a few times until the food went down the correct pipe.
“Is it because you’re a newbie?” Prism asked, thankfully the last of the Z-Team members that had entered the breakroom for the time being.
“Is this a bet?”
“No.”
“Yup.”
“Duh.”
Herman sighed. “Who bet what?”
“Hey! What’s to stop you from picking favorites and lying about the reason?” Visi protested.
Herman looked at her blankly.
“Flambae, Punch Up, and Golem think it’s a liability thing, I think it’s a community service vest, Prism thinks newbie-ass heroes have to wear it, Phen just thinks it’s yellow is your favorite color since ‘humans pick colors that reflect their deposition’,” Visi began to list off on her fingers, “Mal and Sonar are currently stuck between flight risk and you being into latex—”
“S-since when is that a crime—?”
“And Robert—”
“R-Robert bet on this?!”
“He placed his bet as soon as Coupé placed hers and agreed with her.” Prism remarked with a shrug, taking a hit of her vape.
“A-and what exactly do they think I—what do they think the reason behind—for the suit is?”
“‘Unspecified crimes.’” Flambae said with air quotes.
“By which I meant they were not mine to specify.” Coupé said from the shadows beside the fridge.
Her sudden appearance did send his noodles flying across the table as the fork jolted in his hands.
“She did specify not white-collar crimes though.” Prism added.
“S-so what crimes do you think I…” He trailed off as he looked her in the eye and instead redirected his energy to cleaning up the spilled food.
“I think we have some things in common.” Coupé replied evenly.
He swallowed the water that he nearly spit up in surprise.
“That’s what you meant by not white-collar crimes?!” Visi balked. “You think that—” She pointed toward Waterboy who had a steadily growing puddle around him in a way he hadn’t in months given his improved control on his powers. “Did similar things to you?”
Coupé nodded towards the new vending machine, the previous one having finally been replaced only the week before.
“So—what? Destruction of property?” Flambae hazarded a guess. “That’s more my area of expertise but I guess I can see how water would also do that.”
“Vandalism?” Prism guessed.
“I’ve never vandalised anything.” Coupé hummed.
“Oh bullshit, there’s a stabmark on every wall here!” Visi jerked her thumb back at a deep gash next to the coffee machine.
“I’ve never been arrested for vandalism.” She corrected.
“For fuck’s sake—”
“I’ll tell you all after shift!” Herman blurted. “C-can I please just finish my lunch break?”
“Oh that’s not fair!” Flambae protested.
“C’mooon, we gotta wait till after hours to settle this?” Prism joined in.
“You can’t make us wait that long for a lame-ass answer like jaywalking!” Visi added.
“O-or I could…or I could not say—tell you all.” Herman looked at the main three in the bunch.
“...Fine.”
“Alright, damn.”
“Feisty today, isn’t he?”
And with that, they all left the breakroom, Coupé trailing behind at the rear. Herman caught Coupé’s eye at the door and gave her a nod. She gave him a grin that he could not decide if he was terrified of or not.
He definitely was.
Apparently word had spread of his promise of a confession since when he opened the door to the boardroom, the entire Z-Team, including Robert, and even Phenomaman, was waiting, not just Flambae, Prism, Invisigal, and Coupé.
“Finally!” Prism groaned. “Thought we’d be waiting ages!”
The door clicked shut behind him and Herman stood frozen in front of it, debating whether to head to the chair at the head of the table they had left empty.
Robert stood beside said chair and caught his gaze. “You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to.” He reassured.
The rest of the team fell into a cacophony of grumbling agreement.
“I-it’s fine, sir.” Herman said, making his way to the seat. “It’s uh—it’s team building!” He waved off as if he wasn’t soaking the floor with his nerves and taking a seat in a chair that would be waterlogged by the end.
“So like, what, you jaywalked? Community service or something?” Courtney was the first to cut to the chase.
“A liability thing like those wet floor signs?” Colm asked despite Janelle having no doubt told him of his response earlier.
“Are you into latex?” Victor chimed in.
“That’s— that’s not a crime.” Herman sighed for the second time that day.
“He’s dodging the question!”
Mal smacked Victor upside the head.
Herman took advantage of the brief silence to begin. “So…as you guys—as you all know I’m in the Phoenix Program—”
“Yeah, yeah, ever since Robert needed someone to replace the furry, get to the good bit!” Chad cut in.
“...I was in the program b-before that? You all—you knew I was also in the Phoenix Program right?”
Another few brief seconds of silence. This time, however, Herman was not able to take advantage of it as the team exploded into chaos. Robert, on the other hand, looked vaguely amused in a way Herman didn’t know if he should find worrying.
“What were your crimes?” Bruno called over the noise.
“Fucking jaywalking if I had to guess.” Chad said, although he was squinting at him as if the answer would appear branded on his forehead if he looked heard enough.
“Hey, that was my guess!” Courtney objected.
“Public indecency!” Victor guessed.
“Babes, that’s technically you every time you transform—”
“The courts ruled that you can’t see anything so it doesn’t count! Water is see-through!”
As Mal and Victor argued the rest of the team continued to toss out guesses.
“Disturbing the peace!”
“Shoplifting!”
“Public intoxication!”
“Drug possession!”
“Aggravated assault!” Colm shouted.
“Th-that’s one of them!” Waterboy pointed towards Colm.
There was no pin to be dropped but the drip of water onto the boardroom table echoed in the sudden silence.
“The fuck you mean one?” Alice asked.
“The uh main list was aggravated assault, e-extortion, stalking, and uh, and second uh, seconddegreemurder but the stalking was what—”
“MURDER?!” Several voices shouted at once. And then there was a cacophony of cursing and pulling out their wallets. Janelle looked like the cat that had caught the canary. Herman did not look to his side to see whatever face Robert was making.
“That’s like, a real crime—” Chad said, thankfully looking more shocked and less horrified. Actually, looking across the room, no one seemed…disturbed. Maybe because they were still processing the loss of the bet?
“Second degree! Same here, lad!” Colm said chipperly, holding his hand up for a high five that Herman hesitantly gave.
…Or maybe it was because they were just like that.
“Wait for him to tell the full story!” Alice argued, even as she was also currently counting out bills to fork over.
“There um…th-there was a medicine my grandma needed—still needs but she has it now! That the price had uh—the price tripled. Out of no-where. It wasn’t the first price raise but it was the most sudden—the most drastic and— originally I sent letters. You know, petitions and stuff. I never got a response.
S-so the next step is talking to the CEO o-or anyone in charge but I couldn’t get near the building without being f-flagged as suspicious s-so instead I got hired as a waiter for one of h-his parties and managed to talk to him there—”
“Wait, why was the CEO talking to a fucking waiter?” Chad asked.
Herman flushed. “I kind of uh— I saw in shows th-that seduction can—”
“YOU FLIRTED YOUR WAY INTO A PRIVATE MEETING?!” Victor exclaimed.
His flush deepened. “S-something like that. S-so while I’m trying to talk with him b-before we uh— that part’s not important, I’m trying to talk with him about the prices and he just—” The heat left his face as his fists clenched in his lap.
“He started sa-saying the most—vile things about the people who r-rel— need that medicine and I got s-so angry so I kissed him so he would stop talking— a-and he found me getting angry funny and j-just— so I k-kept kissing him and uh…my powers kind of…th-that is to say ah—”
“THAT WAS YOU!” Janelle exclaimed in the loudest voice anyone had ever heard from her. Gathering herself, she continued, “My old boss would have killed for someone like you on his team. You were sloppy, yes, but he had a lot of beach properties and lakehouses. Do you have any idea how eas—”
“Mo ghrá, let’s not give him any ideas.” Colm cut in.
“Wait, wait wait, I heard about that CEO croaking! The news said he slipped in the bathtub!” Victor argued.
“The ah— the company didn’t want the d-details of what he had been doing prior to be public information.”
“How would they know what he was doing prior—”
“So anyway, I d-don’t have the best control of my powers w-when I’m like that— that angry and uh…” He cleared his throat. “After, I got him to the bathtub, left a message about feeling guilty about the price changes in his phone, and went home. The cops came the next day a-and the corkboard didn’t help when added to the evidence—”
“Great, so that’s two people on this team who had a creepy corkboard at some point.” Courtney interrupted.
Janelle cleared her throat.
“Three.” Courtney amended. “You guys should start a club.”
“I was just trying to keep track of his routine–schedule!” Herman waved his hands. “Just so I could figure out when we could—when I could talk to him! W-well also to put together—organize the blackmail but the blackmail was a back-up plan!”
“You found blackmail on the guy?!” Victor yelled.
“When was this?” Robert asked and Herman did not want to even try and name the tone in his voice.
“About…five years ago?” He replied, still not looking at him.
“How come you did not go to jail like the rest of the team?” Katon-Ur asked.
“He burns in the moonlight.” Alice said, gesturing at him.
“I do not understand. I was led to believe only the sun or fire could burn humans.”
“I was in jail until th-the trial! But wh-what Ali—Prism said,” He gestured to himself. “That a-and my age and since I didn’t have any prior r-records or misdemeanors o-or anything and the character w-witnesses who advocated— vouched for me, and given I was—am my grandmother’s caretaker, and my troubles with my powers, I w-was allowed probation under certain conditions, like admitting to the other stuff, court-mandated counseling— therapy a-and the suit f-for the stalking charge.”
“...Would they have bought a lack of control over my powers for me?” Chad asked Alice.
“No.” Robert and over half the table, including Alice immediately replied.
“Bitch—!”
“Also the judge’s wife used the same medication and the price dropped overnight. Uh sh-she told me not to mention that though! So please don’t mention it!
“I get it. I got busted for my old boss using me for environmental protests.” Bruno shrugged.
“So you corrected an injustice?” Phenomaman asked, head tilted slightly, looking between Herman and Bruno.
“Not the lesson we’re trying to have you learn from this.” Robert nipped that bud.
“It was a noble reason.” Janelle said.
“Think you can get the price of inhalers lowered next?” Courtney asked.
“Visi, SDN covers those.” Robert said.
“Not everyone has insurance, babes.” Mal reminded.
“I uh—I kind of d-don’t want to actually go to jail again…”
“I could train you so you don’t get caught.” Janelle offered.
“...would I be able to rejoin the Phoenix Program if I got arrested again?”
“I believe our contract only stipulates reoffending while we’re still on probation—"
Robert clapped his hands together. “Okay! Let’s not entertain that idea while on SDN property, even if all of us are off the clock! Now, pay up, I want to get Beef a new chewtoy and we’ll see if you all still have enough for the bar after. Deal?”
More grumbling but the group handed over—more money than Herman was expecting to Robert and Janelle before shuffling out of the boardroom, but not without giving him some pats on the shoulder and a few well mannered joustles and teases.
“I’m still redesigning your suit when your probation is up, waterbitch!” Chad swore, flipping him off from the doorway before stalking off.
“Not fair, you have his records.” Courtney said to Robert, even as she handed over the money.
“You also saw them and thought they were a glitch.” Robert hummed, counting the bills.
Herman stood up from his chair once the boardroom door clicked shut, leaving only him and Robert. His knees took a minute to orientate themselves, weaker than he had expected them to be.
“You okay?” Robert asked, looking him over and offering a hand out for balance.
“Y-yeah uh…” Herman steadied himself with the table. “Just didn’t expect that uh— I didn’t think it’d go badly but I didn’t think they’d— I didn’t think it’d go…”
“That it’d go well?” Robert concluded, “You can’t tell me you’re surprised that the ex-cons accepted you also having some crimes on your record.”
“W-well no b-but—” Herman forced himself to look Robert in the eye, “wh-what about you, sir? You di-didn’t seem surprised a-and Invisigal—Courtney is right— you could see my records. Y-you knew. What do you think about what I…. what I did?”
Robert took a moment to reply. Water dripping onto the table filled the silence. “I also thought it was a glitch at first. But then I compared yours and Coupé’s files and while they’re similar the wording was different and yours wasn’t redacted to hell and back.”
“And you just accepted that I did— that I kil—accepted my crimes?”
“I wouldn’t be in charge of the Phoenix Program if I didn’t think people with a history could be heroes. And I’d be an even bigger hypocrite if I judged you for killing someone now after everything.”
All at once it was like he could take a full breath again, not having realized how terrified he was of Robert’s disapproval until he didn’t receive it.
“And Herman?”
His eyes flickered back to his. “Y-yeah?”
“Jan’s right. Not saying you meant to do what you did back then, and I won’t tell you how you should feel if you did mean to do it. I’m also not saying whether or not it was the right way to go about it, but…the reasons for what you did were noble.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“But do not become Coupé’s apprentice.”
“..yessir.”