Chapter Text
It was a rainy day.
Not just any normal rainy day, it was Girl eraser’s funeral.
It smelt like lilies, I knew she hated lilies.
I hate how everyone whispered around a dead girl like she would wake up and hear them.
Girl eraser lies in the casket. It was white and beautiful, like her.
Her relatives keep saying,,
“She was such a bright girl.”
“Always smiling, her teeth were yellow though..”
“She made everyone laugh!”
Hah.
If she was that great,
then why is she here?
If everyone remembered the same smile, why did nobody remember anything else?
I remembered when Girl eraser fell asleep during lunch because her parents made her do ‘labor’.
I remembered the fake excuses whenever someone asked if she was okay.
“Ohhh,, I’m just tired!!!!”
“Wahhhhhhh… Didn’t sleep, I saw George Cooper in my closet, eugh..”
Small lies.
Nobody questioned them because they were convenient.
Who the hell would think she is lying every time she talked about the George Cooper in her closet?
The atmosphere shifted as the priest cleared his throat.
She was an atheist, for goodness’ sake…
Everyone stood.
I didn’t bother listening to the prayer.
My eyes wandered.
That was Darling, Girl eraser’s mom. That’s Packet hero, White happy, Mind brand, Toutetsu..
Three rows ahead sat Principal SIU, hands folded neatly in his lap.
His expression never changed.. Beside him were several teachers. Confusion, Magical Doctor, Rational time,,
They looked.. appropriate.
Nothing more.
Drip, drip, drip.
Rain tapped against the stained glass windows.
It drowned out the priest’s voice. Well, most of it.
“... rest in eternal peace..”
Peace.
How funny.
Girl eraser never had much of that.
I looked back at her casket, they folded her hands together.
They dressed her up in a beautiful white dress.
Sure, she liked dresses, but she also hated being seen naked.
Even if she’s dead, I’m concerned on how she’s feeling in hell above.
Is she okay with her mother undressing her from the school uniform she wore before she died?
She probably would’ve complained either way.
“Why’d they put me in whiteeeee???? I’m a gold girluh!!!”
Then she’d laugh.
..
They painted her lips a softer pink.
They brushed her fluffy hair until it looked perfect.
They erased every part of her that looked like.. Girl eraser.
Her lips were dry and cracked.
Her hair was always messy and flying.
It’s funny they finally made Girl eraser look peaceful.
They couldn’t do it while she was alive.
I stepped towards her casket.
Just one look.
Just enough to see the face of the girl I loved without everyone else’s memories getting in the way.
There it was.
A scar on her neck.
They painted it over with foundation taht was lighter than her actual skin color.
Huh,,
I remembered seeing that cut fresh before.
Not here, at school..
A few weeks before her death.
“GAHHH!!! Your cat scratched me when I carried it over my shoulderuhhh!!!! Don’t snitch, I don’t want a rabies injection!”,, she’d said.
“.. My sister is allergic..”
“I’M TALKING ABOUT MINE YOU LINT LICKER!!!!!”
I didn’t own a cat.
Neither did she.
I stared at the cut a little longer.
It’s too deliberate. It’s like the ones on her…..
…
Maybe I remembered it wrong.
Maybe..
I swallowed.
No.
Girl eraser was a terrible liar.
Not because she was bad at it, her lies were really believable.
But because she’d always laugh afterwards or before.
Everything came with a joke, a smile.
She wanted to distract everyone from asking one more question.
I never asked an extra question, I really wish I had..
Her mother stepped beside me.
Sweet home Alabama it's her mom.
“She looks beautiful like this..”
Like,, okay woman, just admit that you like your own daughter in THAT way, bitch.
But..
Beautiful…?
That word scraped painfully against my ears. I don’t know how else to describe that. It’s like scrubbing a fork against a plate.. Eughhh…
I looked at Girl eraser again.
Her hands were folded so neatly.
Like she’d never clenched them hard enough to leave crescent moons in her palms.
“She always loved dressing up,” Darling continued. Shit, she probably knew me, I always crashed at their place..
Yeah, she loved dresses,
but she hated changing into them.
I remember a sleepover months ago.
“Can I borrow your bathroom, Mae?? PWEASEEE???”,, she’d asked with a bit too much enthusiasm.
‘Just change in my room, I’m literally facing the wall.”, I said.
“.... No.”
I snapped my head towards her. That was the first time she sounded serious.
She noticed my concern and immediately added with a wide grin.
“Ohhh, but what if George Cooper shows up again? I’m scared..”
Then she giggled.
She disappeared into the bathroom and locked the door.
I heard the lock click twice, she even turned the doorknob to check if it was working.
When she came back, her pajama had long sleeved pulled over her hands.
Like she’d forgotten it was 30 degrees.
..
I should’ve asked.
Instead, I asked wether George Cooper is hot or not.
She called me a “tea towel”.
Then she smiled.
That stupid, beautiful smile.
The one everyone keeps talking about today.
I hate that smile now.
Not because it wasn’t real, because it was.
I don’t know why I hate it.
She smiled.
Laughed.
Loved stupid unfunny jokes.
Loved thriller movies.
Cried when strays got hurt.
Stole my fries during lunch.
She was alive.
She was happy.
And somehow,,
she was suffering too. Like us.
Being happy didn’t always mean she wasn’t sad.
I didn’t understand that until she died.
A hand rested on my shoulder, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“Maegamist?”
I turned.
Principal SIU.
His face is blank as ever.
“the ceremony is ending,” he said.
“.... Oh.”
That’s all I could say. A little more and my efforts to keep my tears in would’ve failed.
He gave me a quick nod before walking away.
Just like that, no condolences or anything. How weird.
I looked back at Girl eraser.
…
She was happy.
Happy..
Wasn’t she?
She laughed until water came out of her nose because I showed her a chicken nugget shaped like a dick.
She’d drag me into random classrooms just to troll confused students.
She spent 20 minutes explaining that cis men can get pregnant and the babies would come out of their piss hole.
Nobody fakes stupid happiness like that.
Right?
..
No.
No, no no no..
People don’t just..
People don’t just laugh like that the day before they jumped off 3 stories.
Right?
Maybe she wasn’t sad.
Maybe….
My stomach twisted.
Maybe someone made it look like she chose to jump.
No, she showed me her scars. those ugly, fat, pinkish lines criss crossing her beautiful arms.
A waste of a perfectly good, clean arm.
I remember tracing one with my finger.
“Does it hurt?”, I’d asked.
She shrugged and grinned.
“Not anymore!!!”
Of course she smiled.
I remembered how scared I was that day. I don’t ever want to lose my ‘best friend’.
..
She trusted me enough to show those.
She trusted me enough to tell me about her parents and..
She trusted me enough to cry infront of me. Just once.
So why..
Why didn’t she tell me this?
No.
Something was wrong.
This story.. It doesn’t just end like this.
So what? Is she just scripted to die?
A funny girl.
A broken girl.
A horrible ending everyone could cry about.
Then what?
Everyone goes home, eat dinner, continue on with their life,
As if the woman of my life didn’t become just a story of whatever is left.
…
A story. That’s who she was now.
Past tense.
Girl eraser was.
Girl eraser liked.
Girl eraser used to.
I hated those words. It sounded too clean. Her life was nothing but clean.
It was like someone closed a book and decided to move on to another.
But I knew, she wasn’t a clean book with great pacing and an easy storyline.
She was a mess of ripped pages, curled corners, and stupid frog doodles in the margins.
She didn’t have a neat ending.
So why did everyone accept her’s easily?
Even the people who didn’t know her as much as I did, the ones who never knew about the scars under the covers, accept it?
No one was asking questions. Not even the classmates who ignored her or the teachers who were inconsiderate.
A quiet sniffle pulled me out of my thoughts.
Someone was crying loudly, unlike everyone else’s silent mourns.
It was.. an ugly cry.
I turned around.
Mind brand. Buri. Whatever you want to call her.
She sat alone in the last bench, her eyeliner streaked down her cheeks.
For once, she wasn’t busy on her phone.
She was just a girl crying over another girl.
Cool…..
I didn’t notice she was shorter than me. Midget.
Haha, mindget. So funny. I die laughing I girl eraser now.
“Hi..”, I walked over.
She looked up.
“Oh. …Hi.”
We just.. stared at each other.
I don’t think either of us knew funeral etiquette.
I doubt she’s ever been in one, and last time I was in one was when my parents diedWOAH WHO SAID THAT…
Do I hug her?
Do I shake her hand?
Do I bow???
“... You look like shit.”
She let out an ugly snort.
“Thank-hhk-...”
“Mkay.”
….
“I’m sorry.”
“What?”
“I’m sorry..”
She rubbed at her face so hard it probably hurt.
“I.. I left her.”
I already knew that.
We three used to eat lunch together.
Then Mind brand started getting popular.
Student council, honor roll,,
teachers and students alike loved her.
Girl eraser didn’t exactly fit into that picture..
“I kept saying I was busy…”
Mind brand laughed.
“Hah… I wasn’t.. I-i just… -hhh..
.. didn’t want people a-asking why ah-I was friends with the weirdo.. hck-”
..
Ouch. That hurt.
“I thought..”
Mind brand sniffled again.
“.. I thought we’d still be friends… She was forgiving….”
..
“I.. didn’t want people seeing us together..
I keep thinking.. Ohh, I’ll text her tomorrow.. apologize tomorrow.. hang out after exams..”
Her voiced cracked. Mind brand had a beautiful voice, she was a singer, this was rare.
“There was always another chance tomorrow.. but…. IT FEELS LIKE A MIND FUCK!!!!! wahhh……”
… That was quite the reaction.
I looked back at Girl eraser’s casket, her parents watching. Specifically Dar fucking ling and Suji.
… Wait.
“... Didn’t you call her a whore because she told you her mom raped her?”
Mind brand froze. Stopped crying.
“I..”
“You told everyone she was making it up.:
“.......”
“You said she wanted attention.”
“I know.”
“You started that rumor.”
“I know.”
“It’s not fucking funny. So why the hell are you crying now??”
…
She didn’t answer.
She just stared at her sweaty palms.
I was about to push more, then,,
“.. Because she was telling the GODDAMN truth.. wahhhh…..”
…
“What.”
Mind brand laughed. Some guests turned to stare.
“I knew….”
“You..”
I swallowed.
“You knew?’
She nodded.
“I believed her..”
…
That was the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.
“... What??”
“I believed her..!
I.. just didn’t think her mom was capable of THAT..”
She gulped.
“But I knew.. that.. she’d flinch whenever people touched her hips..
.. I knew she wasn’t lying..”
“So why?”
The words came out sharper than I meant to. I was usually nonchalant.. Heh…
“Why would you say that??!”
Mind brand covered her face..
“.. I was scared.. Her..”
“.. Don’t make me ask “what” for the exteenth time again.”
“... When she told us.. I thought adults should’ve handled that..
I kept thinking,,
What if she’s lying? What if she’s making it up?? What if people think I’m weird too??
So..”
She let out a bitter laugh.
“.. I picked the easiest option.. I convinced everyone.. and myself.. that she was just cray cray….”
“I kept telling that lie.. because if I admitted she was telling the truth, then I’d have to admit, I left her alone with them..”
….
The rain continued on, filling the silence between us.
Drip, drip, drip.
The sound of the other people present just blended out.
I wanted to yell at Mind brand.
Call her a coward or something.
Instead,,
“... Yeah.”
That was all I managed.
My ‘best friend’ just died. I can’t exactly be mad right now. I failed her too.
Mind brand scooted a bit, finally giving me space to sit beside her on the bench.
“I keep replaying everything.. Every conversation, excuse..
I keep asking myself.. why didn’t I do anything?”
“You’re scared.”
“I know..”
She stared at the ground. Hm..
“.. Mae.”
“Can’t you talk straight?? I’ve said ‘what’ too many times now.”
“Do you remember the cat?..”
…
“The one that scratched her neck, I mean..”
Mind brand filled in quickly, seeing how annoyed I was getting by the repetitive cliffhangers.
“Yeah…”
“None of you owned one…..
Isn’t that..
Weird?”
I sighed.
‘It is. I never questioned them either.”
Mind brand looked up, her tears drying up.
“exactly.. It wasn’t just us.”
She glanced around the venue.
“White happy, Pink, Thirst, my friends. Everyone heard the same dumb stories.. But everyone just..”
She made a vague motion with her hand.
“.. Accepted them.”
..
Something isn’t right.
Girl eraser’s lies weren’t small, well they were, she didn’t lie much.. But you get what I mean right?? I’m not an unreliable narrator!!
They were more absurd than small. Fuck is George Cooper even doing here?? This is a MARETU fic!!
If anyone else said whatever she said, people would’ve kept asking. “Who is George Cooper?”, “Awwwww what’s your cat’s name??”,,
But no.
With her,,
They laughed.
Changed the subject.
Moved on.
…
“She’s just good at distracting people, maybe..”
I paused, thinking..:
Mind brand shook her head subtly.
“She wasn’t..”
“Go on.”
“I don’t think she was..”
Mind brand looked scared of her own thoughts..
“.. I’ve been thinking about this since..”
She swallowed before scooting closer.
“Since she died.. I keep remembering things.
And everytime I do..
It’s like pieces are missing.”
..
“Fuck you mean.”
“I remember believing her,, I remember calling her a liar.
But I don’t remember..
I don’t remember deciding to.”
I stared at her. Oh my days I just want to rewind time.. This shit too complex..
“What the fuckk..”
“I know it sounds bad..”
“No. Keep talking.”
Even if a chill ran up my spine,,
I was curious.
“I remember thinking..”
She squeezed her eyes shut.
“Some older will handle it.. Teachers…..
But..”
She glanced at Principal SIU discussing to Girl eraser’s parents about how they will pay for tuition.. uh…
“.. Did they?”
I followed her gaze. Oh my fucking god its the pedophiles. Fuck Suji and Darling.
“I.. don’t know,”
Mind brand scooted too close.
“Mae..
What if..”
…..
She hesitated for so long I thought she changed her mind..
“What if.. everyone keeps thinking someone else will save her..
Because something wants us to?”
..
I wanted to laugh.
But that’s disrespectful.
To be fair, Mind brand has been laughing bitterly for a while now.
I knew that Girl eraser probably would forgive Mind brand anyways.
As annoying as it is, that idiot forgived people too easily.
Me.
Packet hero.
Nyan.
She’d say something like “They have a bad dayyyyyyy!!!!”.
Well, some people are just assholes.
.
?
“That’s.. stupid. Aren’t you (supposed to be) a high honor student?”
Mind brand blinked, looking like a kicked puppy.
“What…?”
“Your hypothesis.”
I crossed my arms.
“You’re telling me there’s.. what? A ghost that makes people ignore abuse??”
“I didn’t say ghost.”
“So George Cooper of the closet is real and killed Girl eraser? Suresure.”
She snorted.
‘Shut up..”
“I’m serious though.”
“Me too..”
She looked back towards the casket
“I don't know what it is..
I just know.
Every time I try to remember the important parts..”
She tapped the side of her head.
“.. Foggy. Like a dream.”
….
“Give me an example.”
She nodded slowly.
“Okeyy….. When did Girl eraser tell us about her mom?”
“Uhh…. Last year?”
Mind brand tilted her head..
“Was it?”
“I..”
I knew.
I had to know.
I remember.
I remembered where we sat.
I remembered she was opening her lunch bag.
I remembered seeing her cry.
I remembered hugging her.
But..
What month?
What day?
What happened afterwards?
Did it really happened?
Nothing.
“.... I have long term memory loss.”
Mind brand sighed before giving a more recent example.
“When did you first notice the scars?”
“Easy..!”, I answered immediately.
Too fast..
“My house,, the sleepover, the-”
.. Ou shiddings.
That wasn’t right..
We only had one sleepover.
She wore long sleeves, I didn’t see any scar..
..
“Mae? Hello?..”
“.....”
I rubbed my forehead. Holy shit she’s right.
“I can’t…”
“See?..”
Mind brand whispered.
‘I’ve.. been trying for days.
I remember pieces.
I remember believing her,
I remember abandoning her..
But everything in between..
It’s like someone erased the middle.”
..
Erased.
..
Oh my fucking god.
Girl eraser.
Girl. She’s a girl. The girliest fucking girl who also loved girls.
Eraser…
Wait.. What about me?? What the fuck is a Maegamist???? Is Mind brand gonna get branded?? Will I’m High start doing drugs?? Is this all a script??????
“No fucking way. What the hell? WHAT THE HELL??”
Mind brand looked over.
“What?..”
“Her name.”
“We all have weird names.”
“It’s not our real names.”
Mind brand frowned.
“I know.. Atleast I’m not named “Lose weight fatty” Unlike a certain classmate… I can't complain, my other name is 'The taste of cockroach'..”
‘No.. I mean,, what WAS her real name?”
..
Silence.
Mind brand opened her mouth, about to speak, then stopped.
“Yeah, good point..”
“Its different,, Like.. Someone took a person and replaced them with a label.”
Mind brand huffed.
“What are you yapping about..”
“I don’t.. know.”
Mind brand’s face slowly changed.
Fear.
“Mae.”
“Yes?”
“Don’t say that again.”
“.... ????”
“Because..”
She looked around.
The priest.
The teachers.
The parents.
The students.
Girl eraser herself.
Everyone who came to mourn.
“I think..
The world listens.”