Chapter Text
Simon is driving home from work, squinting to see through the pounding rain and ignoring Grace’s worried chirps from across the phone line, when he nearly hits an animal.
He swerves, car momentarily hydroplaning into the other lane before he wrestles it back under control and pulls over next to the ditch.
“What was that?” Grace asks, voice high with anxiety.
“Nothing, I’m fine. There was something in the road… I’m gonna check it out.”
“What? No! Stay in the car!”
Simon tries to peer out through the back window but the light is too dim to see the shape from before. “I’ll be fine. I’ll call you back in a minute.”
“Oh my word, it’s like you want to be murdered.” Grace groans.
“They already tried. I’m immortal, angel.” He mutters, then ends the call before Grace can stumble over an apology like he does every time. Simon undoes his seatbelt and opens the car door, pulling up his hood.
He scans his phone flashlight around the road, looking for the black lump he’d seen. There’s nothing but a field on one side and woods on the other.
Was it a deer? No, it was way too short. A wolf?
And then something rams into the side of him.
“Jesus fuck!” He lands flat on his back in the ditch, run-off water immediately soaking through his clothes. Whatever ran into him is on his chest, heavy and wet and breathing.
He opens his eyes, blinking away mud and rain, to see a goddamn wolf.
Panicking, he shoves the creature off him and rolls away into the grass. It whines as if in pain, and lays where he pushed it.
It’s not a wolf. It’s a fucking dog.
He sighs, now he’s invested because he loves animals and this one is clearly hurt and lost so he’s going to have to spend his evening at an emergency vet.
Simon crawls out of the ditch and pops his trunk, rooting around for the blanket Grace makes him keep in there “in case the car breaks down” as if a blanket will fix engine trouble on the freeway. California barely gets cold enough for this to be an item he has to keep in his car.
He slides back down the slick grass and shakes the water off his phone as he points it at the dog. It looks mostly unharmed, but doesn’t growl or bite at him as he attempts to wrap it up in the blanket.
The thing is huge, easily a hundred pounds, and he grunts and groans as he tries to hike back up the wet grassy slope. He really wishes he had a second arm.
Eventually they make it, Simon chilled to the bone and shivering, the dog mostly quiet and unhelpful in its own rescue, but also soaked.
He lays it across the backseat, the thing so long it nearly takes up the whole seat, and then climbs back into the driver’s seat.
He has seven missed calls from Grace.
He sighs, punches the nearest twenty-four hour vet into Google maps, then calls his boyfriend back.
“Oh, so you weren’t eaten by a bear afterall.”
“Funny. Hey, if I send you an address can you meet me there in an Uber?”
“Oh my word, have you actually been kidnapped? Do I need ransom money?” Grace is in a mood, lord help him.
“Ryland.”
“Where am I headed?”
He forwards the address.
“Why am I going to a vet clinic?”
“Because I picked up a passenger. I’ll meet you there.”
There’s a flurry of activity from the other line and then, “I’ll bring chargers and snacks. Meet you in twenty to thirty. Love you!”
“You’re the best, love you too.”
Grace hangs up, and Simon tries to bite down the overly fond smile growing on his face. He’s so damn endearing.
As he drives he keeps sparing glances to the backseat but the dog merely lifts its head every few minutes and whines. It makes no moves to get up or try to escape.
“Hang on, we’re almost there.” He promises, and presses down just a little harder on the gas.
He beats Grace to the clinic and by the time he gets there they’ve already taken the dog into the back for assessment. Grace sits in the chair next to him and starts pulling things out of a backpack.
“I figured you’d be drenched so here’s a towel and change of clothes.” Grace frowns, inspecting the contents of the bag. “I have extra socks for you but your shoes are a mess. Better to have dry socks anyway, I think.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re going to catch a cold. Go change.”
So he follows orders and changes in the bathroom. His shoes squish and immediately make his socks wet again, but he knows better than to tell Grace that.
He sits back down and slumps against Grace, who quickly ties his wet bangs back in a little ponytail for him.
“Do you know whose it is?”
“There wasn’t anyone around and it didn’t seem like it could wait for me to drive to a bunch of houses looking.”
Grace hums.
Simon watches Grace do the Wordle on his phone, quietly judging his choice of first word (space). They do the daily crossword together as they wait.
“Seven down isn’t burns.”
“Yes it is!”
“It’s burnt.”
Grace goes quiet, looking at thirteen across where they intersect at the last letter. “Fudge, you’re right.”
“You gotta learn a real swear.”
“You think I’m cute, don’t even.” Grace says absently, correcting his mistake on seven down.
They finish the crossword and just rest in a peaceful quiet together as they wait. Simon feels like they should be worried, anyone else in an emergency vet clinic would be losing their mind in these chairs, but since they’re only vaguely attached to this dog it’s almost like they’re just waiting in an airport terminal. A small buzz of nerves, a twinge of wanting to hurry to get this over with.
“Mr. Grace?” They both snap their heads up to look at the woman behind the desk. “I have some info for you.”
“You gave my last name?”
Simon shrugs, standing. “I always do.”
Grace lags for a second, fumbling with putting his phone in his pocket as his face turns a splotchy red.
“Hi.” Simon greets the woman, whose name tag reads, Cindy!! with a big glittery purple heart next to the exclamation points.
“You brought in the mastiff mix?”
Simon shrugs. “I brought in a really heavy black dog I found in the street.”
Cindy laughs. “That would be the one. We’ve had a good look over and she actually seems fine if a little malnourished. Oh, and blind. But that seems to be from long before you found her.”
“She’s okay?”
“She’s okay. You said you found her in the street?”
“Yeah, I was driving and she literally just appeared in the middle of the lane. I thought it was a wolf.”
Cindy hums. “She doesn’t have a collar, and when we scanned her there wasn’t a chip. We can make a few calls to local shelters, see if anyone has been looking for her, but…” She chews the end of her pen. “I hate to ask, because a blind dog can be a lot of work for inexperienced owners, but would you want her?”
He looks over to Grace, who he can tell is doing quick math in his head, working out some sort of logistical issue, but when he sees him looking Grace frowns.
“She’s not asking me.”
“Well, I mean, I can’t just…” He looks between Grace and Cindy hoping someone will put his poor heart out of misery. “What if she doesn’t like me?”
He can practically feel the look Grace is giving him and pointedly does not turn back to look at him again.
“We’ll keep her for the next few days, get her weight back up a little, see if anyone claims her. You can come visit, let her get to know your smell and voice. If by the end of the week nobody claims her and you’re comfortable with it, we’ll release her to you.”
He feels like he’s standing on the edge of a monumental discussion. He’s never kept anything alive before. He’s actually better known for not keeping things alive. He’s technically still on the run from murdering a bunch of people that the police don’t even know about.
But how can he say no?
She found him. She was scared and cold and ran to him. She trusted him to get her to safety. She needs him now.
“O-okay.”
“Excellent! If you could just sign a few things for me…” Cindy passes him a clipboard over the desk.
He gives his phone number, his first and Grace’s last name like always, and slides the clipboard back over. He hears Grace’s hum when he reads the name, a definite sign they’ll be talking about this later. Maybe he can convince him to drop it tonight since they’re both up late and Simon’s still damp?
“Thank you, we’ll be in touch.” Cindy says, giving them both a wave.
Grace slings his backpack over his shoulder and tilts his head towards the door. “You get to drive me home now.”
He says it in a way that makes Simon sure they will absolutely be talking about the name thing. And possibly also the dog thing. Probably both, if he’s being honest with himself.
He subtly takes a large breath in through his nose, trying to psyche himself up as they step out into the rain. “We need to get you your license.”
“Why, I have you?”
Under normal circumstances, he’d have laughed or rolled his eyes. Instead, with this ugly pool of tension growing between them, he just sort of nods his head and hums. The exhaustion of the last few hours hitting him all at once.
“You probably shouldn’t rely on the half-blind man to drive you around.”
They climb into the car but he doesn’t even bother to put his keys in the ignition. He just slowly leans forward until his forehead is resting on the top of the steering wheel.
“You okay?”
He hums.
“Si, you don’t have to take the dog if it’s going to cause you this much stress.”
He hums, slightly louder.
“I’m not going to pretend I know what this is about-” there’s a pause where Grace has absolutely motioned to Simon’s form, “but I think you might need to talk before we try not to drown on the way home.”
Simon snorts, his breathing catching for a second at the phantom feeling of water in his mouth, his lungs.
“Sorry.”
“You’re two for two tonight, angel. Wanna mention the arm next?”
He regrets the words immediately, feels the previous tension ice over and turn stale. Grace is so quiet Simon can’t be sure he’s breathing.
“Ry-”
“No, it’s fine. It’s my fault.”
“That was cruel of me, I’m stressed, I shouldn’t have-”
“It’s fine.” Grace repeats, Simon can hear his leg suddenly jumping with anxiety. “You’re allowed to be upset when I say something like that. I should be more… sensitive. Careful.”
He presses his head harder into the wheel. He keeps his breathing steady and works on figuring out which emotion is strongest at the moment- the annoyance at himself for being unnecessarily mean, or the fear at Grace asking about the name thing.
“I’m not mad at you.” Is what he chooses to say first. “You think I am, but I’m not. I sort of find it funny, when you joke about it. You’d be amazed what exposure therapy does.” He makes a sick sort of laugh, that falls into the space between them awkwardly.
Grace’s leg keeps bouncing. He wonders if he should reach out and stop it.
“I’m mad at myself.”
The rain continues to pour around the car, the noise filling the silence as they sit there with the engine off. He’s shivering, ever so slightly, but can’t find it in him to turn the ignition and warm up.
“Why?” Grace finally asks, as if he was an actor who forgot their line and was left fumbling on stage for a moment. “Why would you be mad at yourself?”
“I made it… weird, didn’t I?”
“By doing what?”
Without opening his eyes he reaches out and rests his hand on Grace’s knee. It comes to a slow stop.
“What are you anxious about, angel?”
“You! You’re all…”
And they’re right back where they started.
“I can’t have a dog.” Is what he chooses to say. “I’ve never been responsible for the life of another living thing.”
“You literally are a teacher. You’re in charge of many children’s lives every day.”
Well fuck.
“I- Things- People- I kill things.”
“Not anymore. Not on purpose.”
He looks up sharply, caught off-guard. He never told him that. He never said it was an accident. He told Grace the most simplistic truth, he set fire to a church and people died. Lots of people. He let Grace draw conclusions from there.
“You think I believed you would kill people on purpose?” Grace looks more amused than hurt. “Simon, why would I think that?”
“Well, I’m not in jail so-”
“And you think the state of California just glossed over a mass casualty event when hiring you? Clearly whatever you did was… not public knowledge. I won’t pry, I won’t even Google it, though something tells me I wouldn’t find much anyway. Whatever you felt you had to do ended in an accident and they made you pay for it. But that doesn’t mean everything you touch from that moment on will die.”
He’s crying, huge ugly sobs, into Grace’s shoulder. They sit in the dark while Simon grieves and aches and regrets. Grace just strokes his wet hair and keeps talking, saying all the right things.
“You can have a dog and not feel guilty. You can keep it alive just fine. You’re not… you’re not stained.”
“We’re both blind though, we might walk in front of a car together.” He sniffles.
Grace lightly smacks the back of his head. “You’ve got one eye, use it.”
“Thank you.”
Grace hums, a happy and satisfied little trill. “Are you feeling any better?”
“Yeah.”
“Good. Now drive us home, your hair is disgusting and you need a shower.”
~
Six days later, a sunny and cheery Saturday, Simon and Grace arrive at the clinic in the morning. They’ve visited twice before but both Simon and the dog had been too nervous to get more than a few feet from each other. Grace is not-so-secretly hoping for a more successful meeting this time.
He’s also sort of hoping Simon can take her today. The waiting has made him far too twitchy and he’s driving Grace mad, their house surprisingly not large enough for him to escape Simon’s anxious moods.
Cindy isn’t there, but a tech named Matthew smiles up at them when they say what they’re here for.
“We’ve named her Adrian, she’s a total sweetheart. You’ll love her.” Matthew leads them down the hall to an examination room. “She can’t see you so just hold out your hands for her to smell. Use your normal voice when talking to her, she’ll start to recognize you that way.”
He leaves the room and Simon looks to Grace as if he himself is a lost dog.
“You’re going to be fine. She’s going to love you.” He says softly. “You’re allowed to want this.”
Matthew is back, with the black behemoth of a dog Simon had dropped off.
Adrian hesitates before stepping into the room, sniffing and whining a little.
“You got this, girl.” Matthew encourages. “Simon, why don’t you talk to her, she’s heard your voice before.”
“Um, hi? I don’t know what to say, I’ve never had a dog before. I don’t even know anyone who has had a dog before.” Simon reaches out a hand and crouches down. Grace considers this extreme progress.
Adrian leans forward, nose twitching. She cautiously enters the room, nose bumping into Simon’s hand. She sniffs twice, then gives his hand a tentative lick.
“Wow.” He gasps, chalk full of wonder.
Adrian sniffs further into him, Matthew laughing as she burrows her head into Simon’s chest. She licks his chin and moves insistantly into his space.
“Aren’t you pretty?” Simon murmurs. “And so brave, look at you, you’re not afraid of me at all.”
“Have you had any luck finding her owners?” Grace asks.
“No. Somehow nobody is missing her. We think she was dumped on purpose, that stretch of road is known for it. It’s far enough out that they usually can’t find their way back before someone else picks them up.” Matthew shifts from foot to foot. “I’m sort of hoping you agree to take her today.”
Simon is clearly pointedly ignoring the conversation, running his hand along Adrian’s side as her tail swings out of control. That’s alright, Grace can navigate this.
“What if someone claims her after today?”
Matthew shrugs. “We have some paperwork for you to sign, and then legally she’s yours. The lack of collar and chip technically makes her a stray. She’s up for grabs, in a manner of speaking.”
Simon rests on his knees, using his hand to scratch her chin. She barks once, then plants her front paws on his thighs, licking over his scars. He laughs and it’s a bright and bubbly sound. One of Simon’s rare laughs that escapes him before he can try to dampen it down into something smaller.
Fuck him, Grace will do anything to give Simon this dog.
“Simon?”
He tilts his face up but his good eye is very carefully focused on the bit of wall beside Grace’s head. He would call him out on it if they didn’t have an audience.
“Do you want to? Bring her home?”
Simon looks back down at the dog, his hand shakes and he smooths it out along her back to hide it. “Yes.”
“Awesome!” Matthew grins. “I’ll go get the paperwork and a better collar and leash so you can get her in the car.”
“Awesome.” Simon echos, face buried into Adrian’s side.