Chapter Text
Despite the deafening silence that had engulfed the room after Caine disappeared in a hurry, Jax’s manic laughter, while having died down a few moments ago, still seemed to echo off the walls of the digital space, invading everyone’s mind and worsening the already dreadful ordeal.
Everyone was frozen in place, paralyzed by disbelief and horror in equal measure.
Accepting that Caine had set this whole thing up, given them false hope of a miraculous exit and then crushed it, leaving them simmering in their own wrath and shock was a hard pill to swallow and none of them did so with any enthusiasm whatsoever.
For once, everyone had teamed up and actually worked together, even Zooble and Jax, to reach the end of this digital hell. Everyone had put their previous disagreements and animosities aside to strive after the exit… and now they had to come to terms with the fact that there wasn’t any exit to begin with. This had been yet another meaningless adventure — nothing more, nothing less.
Yet, Jax hadn’t known that when he ran and pressed the red button, which didn’t slip anyone’s mind in the uncomfortably silent room.
He didn’t want to leave.
Everyone’s widened eyes were still glued to the bright screen that almost seemed to mock them as it blinded them and bore no sign of the two sentences that had been there a few minutes before and that had led to them disagreeing on which button to press… which had caused Pomni and Zooble to argue. Their dispute had swiftly been ended thanks to Jax’s intervention, who had been uncharacteristically quiet the whole time and who had been panicking in a corner before rushing forward, shoving Zooble aside in his hurry and smashing his fist on the red button.
The aforementioned was now breathing slightly heavier than usual, his gloved hands gripping the digital platform on which the two buttons were embedded into, his pupils reduced to two identical unsettling squares — a tell tale sign of his distress that spoke louder than any of his words ever could.
« That was… just an adventure ? Are you ####### kidding me ?! And… Caine has something to do with our memories being partially erased ?! » stammered Zooble in a breath, breaking the ice, their voice rising with each word as the reality of the situation hit them at the same time they voiced it.
Pomni, ever the mediator, took a sharp shaky, breath and tried to calm them down while intenting to make the situation sound better than it was, both for the other’s and her own sake.
«… It… it was one but uh… we couldn’t know we— I mean at least we tried guys, right ? »
« Like hell we did ! Between you who kept hesitating and trying to let Kinger decide which button to press for some reason and Jax who ###### everything up as mere usual I wouldn’t say that Pomni. There is no we ! I tried while you took the worst possible decisions you could have taken ! »
The jester was momentarily taken aback by the anger that coated their words but understood where Zooble was coming from. Their wrath was understandable, yet it still didn’t give them the right to talk to her and Jax like that. She opened her mouth, already trying to come up with a response that would tone things down while still defending both her and Jax but the latter surprised everyone by suddenly slipping back into his nonchalant persona, picking up the basket of soaps and lotions that Caine had dropped as a gift and sifting through it with faux interest and excitement while making a show of ripping the periwinkle bow off and throwing it on the ground.
« Oh, look guys this one is fancy ! This lotion has gold and moon crystals for some reason in it, not sure why Caine gave this one to us when he’s the one flirting with The Moon every other day. I’m sure he’d totally use it in a responsible and absolutely not freaky way when he’s alone—»
But Zooble cut him off, their anger temporarily overshadowed by pure disbelief.
« Dude, are you seriously gonna act like your usual self as if nothing happened ?! Are you ####### serious right now ?!»
« Awww, poor Zoobie » he drawled in a mocking tone that made the aforementioned’s antlers twitch. « Can’t even handle a bit of humour ? How utterly tragic. I mean not as much as the fact that you hate fun but still pretty sad by me. »
« Oh, you wanna go there and talk about sad ? Funny coming from a guy who has been acting weirder than usual lately and who just did the worst thing he could have done. Oh you need a reminder ? Our conversation on the beach during which you were being all depressed, then you basically admitting that you didn’t have anyone waiting for you outside and finally you pressing that damn red button two minutes ago. That sure ain’t the behavior of someone who’s as carefree and laid back as you pretend to be. What’s your deal ?! Seriously, what’s with the constant mood swings ??? »
Pomni piped up as her eyes flickered with recognition, realizing Zooble’s words were spot on.
«…Our fight during the gun adventure. You also acted in an odd way and kept trying to scare me away while refusing to actually fight back when you totally could have. »
Jax’s right eye twitched slightly and his grin faltered for just a fleeting second — long enough to notice but short enough that it was easy to miss for anyone who didn’t know the purple rabbit. The next moment, it was gone as quickly as it had come and he let out a mocking laugh to hide how much those remarks hit close to home.
« Oh my god ! Trying to psychoanalyze me now, are we ? How cute. Hate to break it to you two but I ain’t some misunderstood guy who hides his true self or whatever it is Gangle comes up with in her comics. I cannot believe you’re actually thinking that. You guys really need to touch some grass, especially Gangle and Zooble, too bad we’re stuck in this digital world forever. »
The mismatched avatar bristled and clenched their plastic claws as Jax made fun of them, but especially Gangle. There was no way they’d let the purple rabbit get away with insulting Gangle yet again, not after so much bullying and especially not to try and change the subject after he messed up in the worst possible way he could.
« Oh, yeah ? Care to repeat that, bunny boy ? »
« STOP ! Guys, please, let’s… calm down and sort things out without resorting to violence or insults. We’re all in this together, it’s hard for everyone — »
« Oh wow, thanks Raggy for your intervention, whatever would I do without you ? »
Zooble countered, scandalised yet agin for the umpteenth time by Jax’s replies that were all oozing with sarcasm and mockery, even at a kind-hearted individual such as Ragatha who was in a way taking his defense in spite of everything.
« Shut your trap, Jax ! Don’t you dare talk like that to her or anybody else here after what you just did ! I’ve had enough, and I think I speak for everyone here when I say that. Anything you wanna tell us ? ‘Cause I ain’t letting it go, not this time. Who knows what type of nonsense you’ll come up with next time we’re in a situation where there’s an actual exit ?! »
« Oh, Zooble you actually think there will be a next time ? Wake up, there’s no exit, just Caine’s adventures. He just admitted that he was messing up with our minds this entire mind ! Who knows to what extent he can do that ! He may have erased memories, added some or even edited them and we would have no idea —»
« No… That can’t be. Scratch and I— We didn’t give him that much freedom. He can modify our avatars and add things to some extent but even he has restrictions and can’t do that. »
Five pairs of eyes snapped towards Kinger who was for once completely sane, even in the bight room which took Pomni off guard. But the others were mainly focused on his words. Surprisingly enough, Gangle was the one to speak up in a shaky voice.
« Wh— what do you mean we didn’t give him that much freedom ? You… and that Scratch person created him ? »
« It’s more complicated than that but to put it in a nutshell… yes. »
« And… you’re saying that he can’t have altered our memories or anything like that ? » asked Pomni, putting two and two together.
« Well yes, the only reasonable explanation for believing your mind has been altered by Caine is if you push some memories down and refuse to think about them. They can then resurface in some situations, especially during stressful ones because of the digital world we are in to which our brains are still adjusting… » he paused for a few seconds, his eyes focusing on the purple rabbit who looked more and more agitated by the second. « kinda like what just happened to Jax. I don’t know what you saw but those memories weren’t Caine’s doing… those were your own memories. »
« Like hell they were, old man ! Those weren’t mine ! You’re trying to get everyone to focus on me instead of the fact that you just said you were one of the people behind Caine’s creation ! That sure is more important. »
« No it isn’t, it is indeed shocking but it’s clear they didn’t design him with the intention to be some evil mastermind and Kinger has been nothing but helpful and sweet, which can’t be said about you at all ! » fired back Zooble, voice dripping with disdain.
« Jax… what did you see exactly ? » asked Pomni in a quiet voice, taking one hesitant step towards him.
« Nothing that concerns you. » replied Jax, his pupils shaking ever so slightly as they shrinked to two black squares that were as fathomless as his shit eating grin.
« It sort of does concern us since those memories were what made you press the red button. Even if this whole thing was an adventure, what would have happened if it wasn’t ? We would have all been trapped here so um… It would be nice if we could know what was on your mind… please ? » attempted Ragatha, her hesitation clear as day in her quivering voice as she fully expected him to insult her or laugh at her. She was used to Jax’s cruel replies and constant sarcasm to the point were they were expected more than dreaded. Still that didn’t make them any less hurtful but at least they knew they were coming. He despised anyone prying into any personal matter of his after all, especially the ragdoll whom he treated like a nuisance when he wasn’t ignoring her or putting centipedes in her room.
« Yeah, bunny boy please do enlighten us— »
« Don’t ####### call me that Zooble. » snapped Jax, his voice icy and utterly serious, no trace of humour left in it which created a stark contrast to how he was speaking just minutes ago.
« Bunny boy ? Seriously ??? That’s the thing you’re focusing on right now, out of everything ??? Is this your way to try and change the subject ? ‘Cause if it is, it ain’t gonna work, you’re the one calling me Zoobie every other day so yeah I’m not going to stop calling you nicknames just because you want to. » countered Zooble in a no-nonsense tone that made Jax’s hands grip the basket slightly tighter before he discarded it the same way he did with the ribbon.
« Those are not the same. Say that again and I’ll kick your ###. »
The swearing took his interlocutor off guard, as well as Ragatha and Pomni. Jax swore on extremely rare occasions and the fact that he was getting so worked up over a nickname genuinely puzzled them. It wasn’t like him at all. He was usually so composed and in control of his emotions.
His breathing had quickened ever so slightly and his shoulders had tensed up as an awkward silence took over the room once again.
« Uhhh… do you have a problem with the bunny part or the boy part … ? » asked Gangle tentatively, awkwardly tapping her ribbon hands together while waiting for the answer, well mostly dreading it.
As soon as those words got out of her mouth, his wide smile fell in a second and his black pupils swallowed almost the entirety of the yellow part of his eyes. Zooble immediately pulled Gangle behind them as the shift in his behavior could only result in insults at best and the last thing they’d see before he went nuclear at worst.
« I have a problem with the you opening your mouth part. »
« Stop attacking her she didn’t do anything unlike a certain purple bunny boy— »
Those were the last words Zooble got the chance to voice before they got violently tackled by Jax, whose hands clamped around their neck and squeezed with no reprieve. His smile had crept back and was completely unsettling this time, his gaze fixed on Zooble’s shocked and pained face without the slightest sign of him being there or any humanity for that matter behind his emotionless eyes.
« ZOOBLE ! » screamed Gangle, desperately trying to pry Jax’s hands off of Zooble’s plastic neck. Alas, her ribbon hands were no match for Jax’s. Despite his lanky frame, his limbs were surprisingly strong, much to Gangle’s horror.
As he was mercilessly crushing Zooble’s neck, he was pouring all of his anger into this action, every last bit of it — anger at Caine for this whole disastrous adventure, anger at everyone for not believing him when he had said that all of this was an adventure, anger at Abel, anger at Pomni and Ragatha for dragging him into this by knocking on his door and preventing him from abstracting, anger at Kinger for being responsible for Caine’s existence…anger at Zooble for calling her a boy on multiple occasions…anger at herself for the way she treated Ribbit causing them to abstract, anger at herself for being a jerk with Kaufmo and Ragatha, anger at herself for pushing her mother, anger at herself for telling her that she was trans, anger at —
Herself.
Oh god.
The realization hit Jax like a freight train, crushing her heart with the same violence and brutality with which she was currently crushing Zooble’s neck.
No, no, no, no…
In her panic, she let go of their neck and scrambled backwards, heart in her throat and eyes reduced to erraticly swirling scribbles. Her surroundings were all blurring together into a mess of colors and shapes that made her head spin all the more. Distorted voices reached her quivering ears without their message or speaker registering in her mind, slipping past her in a frenzy.
Everything was too much.
The whole situation was awful and to top it all off she had called herself a she inwardly for the first time since Ribbit had put that pink ribbon on her head that fateful day and —
Something gently settled on her head, pulling her from her whirlwind of overwhelming thoughts. The unexpectedly soft gesture made her breathing even out and put a stop to the breakneck pace at which her heart was previously pounding, the hectic racing slowing down gradually. After a few seconds of coming to her senses, her mind finally caught up with reality and she realized Kinger was sitting on the floor in front of her, his floating and gloved hands hovering near Jax’s shoulders, unsure of if touching her would be okay or if it’d cause more harm than good.
« Jax, it’s okay let’s take a deep breath. Would it be okay if I touched you ? » inquired Kinger in an incredibly patient voice that reminded Jax of the one other people’s parents usually used with their kids. Not her’s though… far from it. Jax couldn’t name one time where they talked to her with such a sweet and kind tone that immediately put even the most tormented mind at ease. Not her’s though. Never her’s. She was too far gone. She was undeserving of such gentleness. She would sooner rip her own ears off than give in and accept help — least of all be openly vulnerable in front of others.
« No— don’t— get away from me ! And what the heck did you put on my head— ? »
Oh.
Oh.
The periwinkle bow stared back at her, mocking her as it laid motionless in her slightly shaking hand that had ripped it from her head.
Flashbacks of the past overlapped with the present and soon she found herself seeing double. The pink bow appearing in her hand before the purple one took its place in under a second. Voices distorted and she found herself hearing both Kinger’s and Ribbit’s as her shaking, dilated pupils were staring at her right hand. The one that had pushed her mother off. The one that had pushed Pomni away in the gun adventure. The one that had ripped that pink bow and made Ribbit—
Abstract…
Pain exploded in her chest and her ears ringed with such brutality that it took what little air was still miraculously inside of her away and made her fall onto her forearms. Agony consuming her entire being was the last thing she registered before darkness engulfed her and reality slowed down to a stop for once in her messy, chaotic and disastrous life.