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They’d won, the Sin Archbishops had been driven out, but at what cost? The city was destroyed, so many lay nameless, and of those Subaru considered close, Julius himself could only rely on Subaru to remember him. What was the point if Subaru, as useless as he was, was the only person who could validate the knight's existence. It wasn’t fair, it was utter bullshit. Once again Subura found himself looking up at a god he didn’t believe in to curse them out for the unjust fates they had sentenced those he cared for to. Digging into his newly ‘modified’ arm, he is reminded of why he had been avoiding touching it. The texture unpleasant and burning, how could Emilia or Beatrice stand to continue taking his hand moving forward? A glove. He would get a glove, and still try to offer his other hand forth first.
In his rambling thoughts he had forgotten to let go, blood now trickling down from the line where his arm met his shoulder, joining a menagerie of biting nail prints. Usually Beatrice would be there to calm his mood, but he had asked her to go with Emilia in her attempts at outreach with victims of the attack. His leg, though not nearly as bad as before, had been bothering him so he had decided to stay back. Finally letting go of his arm, he rested his forehead in that same bloody palm. God, what a fool he was, how had he not suspected something might be amiss. Things were always amiss when it came to this damn royal selection. He had failed to protect Emilia from all this, and now he was playing some victim. A goddamn idiot.
Moments passed, and a voice too meek for the speaker was heard. “Subaru… you’re bleeding.” At the sound Subaru yanked his jacket on, covering the injury. Of course it was Julius, of all people to walk in on his weakness. Though, at least now he knew the other man was unlikely to tell others, lest he make them uncomfortable with the closeness they had forgotten.
“Sorry about that man! I meant to wash up a bit ago after the battle but got side tracked, don’t worry about this, it’s probably not even my blood if I’m honest, probably some splashed from the damn sin archbishops, don’t touch just in case! I’ll go wash it off now!” Subaru said, attempting to strike one of his signature poses, but as he stood his leg seemed to cave under him, unused to carrying his weight in its current condition. As he went down the knight reached out, only to be pushed off as Subaru balanced himself back on the bed he’d been leaning against.
“You should rest, Subaru. I appreciate your vigilance, especially considering my current circumstance, but I am doubtful that the blood on your hand belongs to anyone other than you. I see no mark of the dragon's curse in its color or texture, just the blood of a fellow man. If you wait here I can go retrieve something to clean and dress the wound.” With this, not truly giving the other an option, Julius turned to retrieve a medical kit left with him by a worried Felix when they first joined the knights. Quick strides led him to his room, pausing only to breathe before grabbing the kit and returning to the younger man. The younger man had barely moved, adjusting only so that his back was against the wall. His head still rested in his hand. Had Julius not spoken to him moments ago he would have been convinced the boy was asleep, or worse dead.
“Let me see the arm, if you would not mind” Though he was used to being snarky with the man, the ramblings he had heard before drawing Subaru’s attention earlier indicated that kindness might be better suited to the younger man's mental state. Subaru hesitated, ensuring the man was wearing gloves before he touched it, though he cared less for the man's discomfort than he would the adorable Beatrice and Emilia, he still did not want to subject the other to the feeling of his damaged skin. After ensuring that he took his jacket off his shoulder, revealing the current damage but nothing else. At this the knight gave him a look before trying to work around the awkward placement of the clothing item.
Every so often the knight would give Subaru an odd look: When he first touched the wound, when he applied an alcohol pad, when he pulled a needle out of the kit, and when he began to wrap it. No reaction from subaru at any point, its as if he did not feel a thing. “Has the blood numbed your arm by any chance, or caused damage to the nerves themselves”
“Man do I wish, it frankly hurts like a bitch, why are you asking though?”
“You haven’t shown any signs of actually feeling this injury, and given the amount of similar wounds in the area I’m starting to believe you seldom do feel them. At the very least a flinch is normal for even the best of knights when it comes to a gash as deep as this one you’ve dug– though of course I wouldn’t know for someone of Reinhardt's standing, but I think we can accept that he is an exception to most rules anyway – all this to say, it seems you aren’t noticing it at all. I am just curious as to why, if not for the curse, do you have another condition that might be the cause for this anomaly?”
“I’m not a baby Julius, I can handle a little pain. Thought you knew that after the whole duel situation, though maybe I’m wrong” a chuckle left Subaru’s mouth for a moment, but as he sees the flinch of the other man he quickly backtracks: “I didn’t mean anything bad by it, boy did I need that beating. Trust me you did us all a favor.”
“I know it means little, but I am sorry for that, I had thought it best to avoid any others with less control taking their anger out on you, and you were right that you certainly were arrogant to the ways of the world, but I wish I had come up with something better suited.”
“Stop apologizing man, if I wanted to hear you sob and beg for forgiveness… actually I dont know what I’d do but I don’t want that anyway. Just let it go, we’re good.”
“Yes, we’re… good. As you say. But that doesn’t answer my question. I gave you stitches, yet your breath didn’t even change. No indication that you felt a thing. That is unusual, undeniably so.”
“Come on Julius, stitches are pretty mild in the scope of pain, I’m sure you know that. Stop worrying so much, I am fine.”
“I have come to doubt that if that's mild for you, mind you there was no numbing done on my end. That by most standards is severe. So please tell me what you classify as severe pain.”
“Come on, the real stuff, losing a limb sucks, being stabbed or cut open is also pretty bad but I think I just hate that one because of how long it takes and how cold it gets, broken bones suck but I guess I’d rank them at a medium. This curse stuff is not great, I would not recommend it, but it’s tolerable. Here, help me come up with some other injuries you’ve had so we can compare so I can show this is normal for a royal knight.”
“Not one word that has left your mouth is normal. Lady Crusch was bedridden with this curse, and yet you call it tolerable? Your dislike of being stabbed is not the pain but the cold, something which is associated with death mind you and not the wound. Broken bones, some of the worst pains the average person will face, is moderate to you. You have to see how strange that it”
“I mean sure, but we’re not average people of course. What I rate my own pain at will vary from them. When you are in more pain, that’s just bound to happen.”
“I would rate a broken bone as severe, Subaru. I, who has been in service longer than you and by all means should have faced more physical hardship than you, would rate it as a pain that should be treated as nothing short of debilitating upon occurrence. The amount of pain that must be experienced to rank it as anything else, to push it off as an inconvenience even, would have to be immense. So, Subaru, tell me how someone who only recently became a knight is far ahead of me in this one awful comparison.”
A pause, “ I don’t really know what you want from me man, I’ve got nothing to give you. It is what it is, nothing secret to it”
“Show me both of your arms in their entirety then”
“... Why?! It’s fine, leave it be Julius”
“I suspect that, given the state of your upper arm and the way you’ve hidden the rest with your jacket, that you need further medical care that maybe even you are unaware of.”
“I am fine, seriously just leave it.” A staring contest begins, though Julius seems to lose what little patience remained through his anxiety, and he yanked the jacket away quickly. Upon seeing the arms he came to two conclusions, one for each arm. The first was that the arm impacted by the dragon's blood looked painful, but any injuries that may have been there had healed, or perhaps been injured over. The second was that the cursed arm likely looked similar to the other, mangled by Subaru’s own hands. Based on the patterning it was likely unintentional. Acts done to calm, acts down to reground him in the moment. In either case, they were in desperate need of care, the scratches and gouges an angry red.
“This is what you call fine? Though I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. I won’t say anything, but let me at least clean these too. I am uncertain whether you receive healing from the Great Spirit in contract with you, but if so please also ask her for assistance, these look to have been recent but they have early signs of infection.” The other boy only nodded, looking off to the side. He did not want anyone seeing this particularly aggravating weakness. He could not stand to look at the knight, afraid to see whatever contempt might lie there.
Yet, “You know, you’re not alone. I know we seldom are in the same location, but I do consider you a friend, and at present you are the only person who could call me one in return. Aside from me though lie many more people who would also lie down their life for you.” Subaru flinched, that last part antithetical to all his goals, though Julius continued on, pretending not to notice. “ If you need us, we will be there.” Something cracked in Subaru then, nothing major, no wailing or crocodile tears, just a sigh and a lean, Subaru placing his forehead on the other's shoulder as he rested for the first time in a while.