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Mel was working nights for the moment because she’d swapped with somebody for a month or so and right now she was taking a desperately needed breather. They’d just lost a patient after working on her for hours and the resident always needed a moment after something like that. It was traumatizing for the entire team but Mel always seemed to be hit the hardest by the codes. She did her best to sneak outside without anybody seeing her leave so she could process it by herself; she needed to be away from the lights, away from the noise and the bustle. Mel just needed a moment of calm because everything was so damn overwhelming. She stepped into the shadows and tucked herself away as best she could and took a deep breath of the humid summer air, trying her best to feel like she was breathing air instead of water. Her chest felt a little tight and her hands were starting to shake. The blonde was in the ambulance bay staring at the sky and rubbing her hands along her arms when none other than Parker Ellis stepped up behind her. Smooth, cool, attractive, and somehow always collected, Parker Ellis.
--
Parker had followed her entirely out of concern. Mel hadn’t looked great as she had left the building; not quite ‘peaky’ but definitely unwell, pale and borderline shakey. Her arms had been moving nonstop in the gesture Ellis had come to recognize over time as a stress-induced phenomena and it wasn't one she was fond of. The more Mel made the motion the more distressed she was. She had no idea why Mel had such a behavior but it would have been incredibly rude to simply ask about it; they didn't have that level of familiarity. Yet.
“You good, Mel?” She moved up next to her in the bay, watching the blonde woman more than the situation around them. Parker could have been hit by an ambulance and never noticed; Mel had her entire attention. The younger resident wasn’t doing well at the moment and it was what had caught Parker’s attention to begin with; the older resident always seemed to manage to pay attention to what Mel was doing. There were long glances across the room, across the halls, lingering looks at handoffs when Mel was working day shift, brushes along her fingers for just a little too long when exchanging or sharing tablets, none of which Mel seemed to notice. Parker hadn't given up hope of being friends, but she had long given up hope that Mel might be into women since nothing had been reciprocated.
“I just-” The blonde paused, her tone painfully flat, “I really just needed some needed air.” That was one way to put it; Mel felt like she was crawling out of her skin. It felt like ants were running along her veins. Everything in there was a just little too bright, it was just a little too loud, and she knew exactly what that meant. Incoming breakdown. The last thing she needed was a breakdown in public on the night shift; hence her taking the time for a breather. Ten minutes outside was often just enough for her to compose herself again as long as she caught the problem early enough. “I haven’t lost a patient in a while. It just hit me really hard. She didn’t even do anything wrong or stupid, she was just in the wrong place. Passenger in a car crash, you know? The pole came into the compartment space right to the chest. She didn't really have a chance but we still fought for her.” Mel looked over at the hand on her shoulder. “I’ll be okay, Parker. I promise. It just..." She trailed off for a moment. "It might take me a few minutes to get there.” Mel wasn't sure if she wanted to be alone or not, or how she felt about Parker's presence. Being this close to the other woman outside of the medicine was a new experience. She liked it and that scared her because she was feeling incredibly vulnerable right now.
“It never gets easier, Mel. We lean on each other. Tell me what’s really going on. I know it’s not just that.” Because something was going on; Mel was rarely a downer. It was part of what people liked about her. It was what Parker liked about her. Maybe following her out here had been a bad idea but Mel had looked so distressed that the doctor couldn’t help herself. There had to be something she could do. “I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going down and I'd like to help.” She removed her hand from the other woman’s shoulder and desperately wanted to run fingers down Mel’s arms. There was no proof Mel was into women, at all, but it wasn’t stopping Parker from falling for the woman. The longer they worked together the more she liked her, and the more Parker dreaded her return to the day shift. They’d only see each other at hand-offs, if that. There would be a Mel-shaped hole in her night and that would take a considerable amount of getting used to. Parker wasn't sure she could get used to it. Mel had become a crucial part of her shift.
Mel always brightened up her night without meaning to and it was usually when Parker needed it the most. Sometimes it was a smile and a little wave in passing, sometimes it was her simple enthusiasm when everything went right on a case or she got something correct. Parker had hated seeing her during the depositions and the lawsuit because Mel had withdrawn into herself and become a shell of a woman, and it had broken Parker’s heart to see it. But once it was over and they’d won, Mel had bounced back to herself again. Bright. Optimistic. That was when the crush had deepened to something way more serious than just a crush.
And now Mel was working nights and Parker was head over heels for the woman.
“C'mon. Tell me what’s up.” Parker wouldn’t let silence expand unless she was in it, and now that she was out here the silence wouldn't last. "I can keep a secret."
“I guess I worry I’m not cut out for this. For emergency medicine, I mean.” Mel was staring at what she could see of the sky, seeking the familiar comfort of the stars she knew would be there. She wasn’t sure how Parker had found her; she’d tucked herself away into the same corner Ogilvie had when he’d had his little breakdown on his first day after losing his own patient. It was as out of the way and as private as you could really get in the ambulance bay. Mel slid down the wall to sit down on the pavement. “I don’t bounce back like everyone else can. Look at Crus or Shen, at you. Heck, look at Toomerian. She’s just the intern and she does okay.” There was something in her voice that almost sounded like defeat. That would never stand, not with Parker around. Mel wasn't usually so beaten down even by a single loss. It must have all been building up and now it had to come out in the daylight (starlight?) or explode.
"You're a good doctor, Mel. I know that for a fact. I've worked with you enough to know." It made Parker wonder how long the doctor had been doubting herself, which should have been impossible because Mel was phenomenal at what she did. She was more than just competent, she was brilliant. “It was a traumatic code, Mel. Some people are just better at hiding it than others. We all have those patients that stay with us. I struggle with the teenagers.” Parker took a seat and wondered if her own admission might help here. Hell, it might help her. She wasn't a very open person but maybe she could take advantage of this and get some of her own emotional weight off her shoulders. The type of emotions that lingered and burned in her chest when they happened. “And drunk drivers. Especially them. It makes me so angry that we have to care for them right next to their victims. It's even worse when the victim dies but the drunk survives. I just keep telling myself that they'll get arrested and have to face what they've done but that's not enough for me. We all have things that get under our skin. Even me.” Ellis wasn’t always so collected; she often was just able to save it for home.
“Really? You?" Mel looked over, eyes wide and startled behind her glasses. "But you’re so...cool and calm all the time. Even under pressure. Especially under pressure.” The resident would never have guessed that anything could get under Ellis’ skin enough to bother her. Mel was suddenly aware of how close they were. “I’d never guess in a million years.”
“Really. I wouldn’t care for the drunk drivers if I wasn’t legally obligated to. Straight up. I want to strangle each of 'em as they come in. But everybody gets care, that’s the rules, and bias stays out of it. It’s what we do. It doesn’t stop me from being angry later. That’s when I go find a bed in Triage and sit for a bit in quiet. I know you haven’t been working on the night shift long but we all have things that get under our skin and ways to decompress on shift, even Abbot does. Yours just happens to be coming out here.” Because Parker had noticed that. When Mel was overwhelmed and had the time she came out here no matter what the weather was or hid in the staff room as a last resort.
“I would never have thought any of that at all, not with the way you handle things.” Mel was surprised when Parker bumped their shoulders together because the contact was electric and she suddenly hoped for more of it. The blonde hadn't been prepared for a conversation like this with the other woman, a person who'd never be interested in her in a million years. Parker was being friendly, that was all. It was all she'd ever been, to Mel's slight disappointment.
“Now you know.” Ellis was keeping a close eye on the resident. Mel seemed to be coming down a bit, a little at a time. “It doesn’t make you a bad doctor. It makes you human, Mel. Nobody is perfect, we just learn to hide it really well.” She let herself run a finger down the blonde’s arm. She knew she’d never get closer than this. "One day you'll get there and you'll hide it as good as the rest of us."
The contact hit Mel like a freight train and broke through all of her cascading thoughts like they were glass, shattering them to pieces with the weight of it. She brought her eyes up to meet Parker’s and she froze. The doctor wasn’t great at eye contact and now she was trapped and was having trouble looking away. There was no way Parker could ever be interested in her, right? Mel’d had a girlfriend once or twice, as well as dating a guy or two, so she recognized the feelings and Ellis had never been shy about her sexuality. For Mel’s part...well, it had simply never come up in conversation before. Nobody had ever asked and so everybody had probably assumed she was straight. She wasn't; the correction just hadn't happened yet. There were a million thoughts all racing through her brain at once until they all just stopped in that single moment, crystalizing around one thought in particular. Just how close they really were.
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Mel could never actually say what possessed her to do it, or why she thought it might be a good idea. They were both on shift, both at work, and she had zero indication of Parker's interest, but Mel couldn’t help herself. It was almost magnetic, a pull she couldn’t deny. She leaned forward and sealed the distance between them with a kiss. She rarely made the first move but Mel was not able to deny the action; she just hadn't been able to deprive herself of Parker in that moment. Heat raced through her even at the gentle contact.
The surprise came when Parker kissed her back, hands up to cradle her face like she was the most fragile thing in the world, the most delicate thing the other woman had ever touched. Ellis pulled back slightly, just enough to look at her.
“Mel? Don’t play with me.” Parker's voice was low and vulnerable, she had been burned before. Mel hadn’t responded to any of her attempts at flirting so Ellis wasn’t sure where she landed on the spectrum of sexuality. There had been rumors about her and Langdon which had turned out to be just rumors. There was nothing to suggest she was into women, aside from that little voice in the back of her head whispering that there was no evidence Mel was only into men, either, especially after the kiss she'd just received. Parker squashed the thought, she didn't want to get her hopes up- yet.
“What do you mean?” Mel was genuinely confused. Of all the reactions she’d expected this hadn’t been one of them. There was something about Parker’s hands that had her wanting more of the contact and she reached for one. Her body was radiating absolute bewilderment from her voice to her eyes to her posture, open and utterly confused.
“You haven’t noticed?” There was no way she just hadn’t noticed. No possible way. Parker was stunned...was there a chance, here? Did she have a chance? Was it possible that maybe she’d misread the other woman’s lack of response? Could it be possible that she, Parker Ellis of all people, just hadn't been trying enough or wasn't obvious enough with her flirting?
“Notice what?” The confusion was giving way to frustration that was building by the moment. Mel knew she was missing something but didn't know what it was. “What exactly have I missed, Parker? What aren’t you telling me?”
“Well, shit.” Parker had thought the woman uninterested. She buried a hand in her locs and shifted herself a little closer so they sat leg to leg with full contact between them. Mel had just been oblivious. “I’ve been trying to flirt with you for weeks, Mel. Even when you were still working days. Guess I was too subtle. I was trying to keep it workplace appropriate, if I could.” It was one of the things the older resident was prone to; downplaying her flirting, especially at work.
Mel took a second to think about that. Thought about how Parker’s support through her depositions and their lawsuit how that support seemed to go beyond just being co-defendants. Hands that lingered a little longer on hers than they had to, smiles from across the room, the cases Parker pulled just for her that she was specifically interested in, or that she knew would reset the blonde’s night. The sugary, non-caffeinated sodas and juices that the woman would get her when she was exhausted because Parker knew she didn’t really drink caffeine. The way she would check in on Mel after difficult cases even if it was just for a second between tasks, or like she was doing right now. The way she was always willing to lend Mel a hand without a complaint even if it meant staying past shift change. The way Parker asked about Becca. The way Parker seemed to ask about her day before anyone else’s. Mel was always Parker’s first ‘hello’ of the night over at the lockers, and her first 'good bye' of the morning. Parker always offered to share her food even if Mel never took her up on it. Parker always seemed to find a way to walk her to her car when they happened to park in the same lot or garage floor. Parker was always there. Bad day? Parker was there. Great day? Parker was there.
That was the key. Parker had always been there.
“I’m, um, really bad at reading these things. I always have been; I'm autistic. If it's not painfully obvious it can just go right over my head.” Mel was absolutely crimson and embarrassment flooded into her body, hopefully hidden a little by the darkness around them. It wasn’t fooling Parker, though, especially as the blonde suddenly buried her face in her hands to avoid having to look at her counterpart.
“Yeah, I could probably have been clearer. But I honestly didn’t think you were into women, I thought you were ignoring it. I never thought you couldn't read me. I'd've just tried harder if I'd known.” She smiled a little in the dark and brought a hand up to tug Mel's hands down and away from her face, barely daring to hope. "Hey, don't do that. You don't have to hide." The hope was a whisper of thought that could be destroyed by a gentle breeze.
“I'm just blind.” The younger resident was staring at the ground. It was one of the problems Mel ran into a lot; she missed social cues on a regular basis. It had wreaked havoc in her life more than once. It wasn't the bane of her existence but it was pretty damn close. “Parker...does this mean you like me?” Confusion laced through her words again.
Parker decided to be blunt.
“Yeah, Mel. It does. It means I like you a lot and I thought you were straight.” It wasn’t how Parker had hoped to have this conversation but she’d noticed that Mel’s hands had gone still; if she was stressed out or uncomfortable they would be moving. They weren't. “Can I kiss you?” Mel finally raised her eyes.
“Please, Parker.” Mel relaxed as Parker kissed her again, letting herself get lost in the feeling of lips against hers, smooth skin under her fingers as she ran a hand across Ellis’ cheek and down the elegant lines of her neck before settling gently on her collarbone.
For a few moments there was nothing but the two of them kissing under the sky, the stars the only witness to the gently unfolding romance between the two women. Eventually Mel’s Spectralink went off and they had to break apart.
“Can I take you out to breakfast, Mel? Breakfast is the best I can do, being night shift.” Parker gestured to the night around them as she got to her feet and held out her hands to help Mel get up.
“I’d love that, Parker.” Not only was Parker Ellis interested in her, the woman wanted to take her out on an actual date. “I really would.” Mel was blushing again but her eyes were bright and filled with light.
Parker’s Spectralink went off as well. “No rest for the wicked, Mel. Back to work.” But for all of her firm tone her hands gently laced with Mel’s as far as the doors, as far as she could hold Mel’s hand before they had to split onto different sides of the room. This hadn’t been the expected outcome of the night but Parker wouldn’t question it. She’d be an idiot if she did. The girl she’d been looking at for weeks was finally going on a date with her. It turned out that it wasn’t a matter of interest, it was a matter of recognition. The end result was a date, so did it really matter?
Parker was interested in Mel, and had been for weeks, and the two women had just kissed under a velvet sky spangled with stars. It was almost like a prayer Ellis never whispered had just been answered.