Work Text:
A few months earlier…
The tv cast a cool glow onto the coach where Eddie and Benny sat. Eddie was drinking a beer, one of the only remedies to a long day at work. They were watching “crap” tv, something involving scandals and staged drama. The two weren’t really paying attention to it anymore because they’d started to discuss their dating life compared to the bachelors on screen.
“Just out of curiosity, how many partners have you had?” Eddie asks, before taking a generous swig of beer.
“Oh, I dunno. Who’s counting!” Benny waves his hand nonchalantly.
Eddie scoffs. “Well, it shouldn’t be hard to count.” He makes a show of jokingly counting on his fingers. “One: Enrico from the bar, Two: Nye from university, Three: Vanessa from the club…” He trails off.
“I don’t think I could fit all the people I’ve dated on my fingers.” Benny answers honestly.
Eddie is a bit taken aback but nevertheless he jokingly says, “What if you had three hands?”
Benny just shakes his head.
“Four?” Eddie says incredulously, eyes wide in shock.
Benny just shakes his head again.
Eddie’s shock turns to concern. “Five?”
Benny looks up in thought before glancing at Eddie again. “Ummm what do you count as dating.”
“Like 2 months at least.”
“Oh, then five will probably do it!” Benny answers enthusiastically.
“You’ve dated 25 people?”
“Yeah!”
Eddie blinks awkwardly. “That’s uh…a lot…”
“What, you slut shaming me?” There was a teasing lilt to his voice as he stuck his tongue out.
Eddie instantly stumbled over his words. “Wha-NO! I just…they couldn’t have lasted very long, no?”
“Well you know me! I’m for that fast lifestyle! I’m happy to tag along for the ride with somebody but…” He shifts in his seat. “Well, if they’re not interesting enough then I’m going to have to switch gears, y’know?” He waves his hands around as he speaks. “Have a few flings until one sticks!”
Eddie breathes heavily as he processes what Benny just said. “So I’m just another toy to play with before I’m tossed to the side? Before you ‘switch gears’?” He spat out the last words aggressively. Somewhere between Benny’s words Eddie had turned from amusement to worry. He didn’t want to “start” something but Benny's words had sparked hurt.
Benny turns to look him in the eyes. “No, there’s something different about you, Eds. I’m not going to toss you to the side. I promise. I’II stay, for you.” He reaches out and takes Eddie’s hand in his. It took months of Benny’s loyalty to convince Eddie that he wouldn’t wake up one morning to find Benny gone.
Present Day…
The smell of booze hit Eddie when he stepped into the bar after Benny. The couple always went out for drinks on Saturday night since Eddie was off on Sundays. (After he stopped taking overtime shifts, of course.) They slide into their usual booth.
Benny drums on the table before speaking. "What'll it be tonight, Eds? Tequila shot? Johnnie Walker? Maybe a beer?”
Eddie grunts, the sound noncommittal. “Just a beer for tonight.” He mumbles.
“Gotcha!” Benny springs up from the booth to go order their drinks. Eddie watches him go. He’s especially glad to go out with Benny tonight, because work has left him battered and aggravated.
Benny slides back into the booth as he hands Eddie his drink. “Quick service tonight!” He takes a sip of his bright and colorful looking margarita. “How’s yours?”
Before Eddie can answer, an employee appears behind Benny. “Excuse me.” Benny turns with an imploring smile. “That man over there has brought you a drink.” They hand him a colorful drink in a short and squat glass.
The attendant points across the bar and the man smiles. He’s skinny, fit, and has an alternative style. His lip piercings gleam in the low lights.
“Really?” Benny turns back towards Eddie. “I’m just going to thank him quickly, okay?”
Eddie has barely begun to nod before Benny strides across the bar, free drink in hand. When the man begins to speak to Benny, his posture seems to change. He swivels around in the bar chair, and plays with his silver dangly earring. His eyes are low and lidded, like he wants to fuck Benny just by looking at him.
There’s a brief pause before Benny leans against the bar, and gives the man a wink. Eddie’s stomach twists. When the mysterious man looks back at Eddie and laughs, Eddie’s throat chokes.
Are they talking about me? What is Benny saying? Eddie’s mind begins to race, insecurity gripping his thoughts like vines.
The truth is, Eddie had never really been confident in himself, and he definitely had never been confident in his body. In the shows he watched, in the books he read, in the various cliques throughout high school, the most popular guy was always the skinny one. The muscular one. The quote on quote “attractive” one. No one wanted to talk to the “chubby emo kid”; no one actively searched for a kid like him growing up.
So, he had grown up feeling undesirable. He still felt pretty insecure as an adult. And watching a guy that checked off all the boxes of "attractiveness" that Eddie didn’t, flirt with his boyfriend? It made Eddie feel more than just undesirable, it made him feel unwanted. All he could do was stare blankly ahead as he watched the pair converse.
Eventually, after some very enthusiastic ‘goodbye’ finger guns, Benny strides back over to Eddie, and slides into the seat across from him. “Nice guy!” He says with a smile. He tilts his now near empty glass towards Eddie. “I left you a sip. You want?” He shakes the glass, the ice rattling.
“No thanks.” Eddie mumbles quietly.
“Woo, I’m already three in. I think we should leave before this gets uh-” Benny flashes a smile at him. “-dangerous. Don't want any more blackouts as long as you're here. Are you about ready to go home, Eds?”
“Yeah, we can go.” He says, a bit flat. A flicker of concern passes Benny’s face before quickly vanishing. He assures himself that Eddie is just disassociating from the crowded bar.
They walk out together into the parking lot, night cloaking everything in darkness. Benny’s flame decals are barely visible in the low light. Benny slides into the driver's seat, patting the wheel like he’s greeting an old friend. Eddie just plops in and fastens his seatbelt.
As they drive home, Eddie spirals further down.
He probably wants him more. Look at him. And then look at me. He has definition, and a thin waist, and everything I don’t have. What would Benny rather kiss: cool seductive metal or chapped misshapen lips? I don’t even think I kiss good enough for Benny. He’s had so many lovers compared to me. Why did Benny even decide to go out with me in the first place? When there’s people out there like the guy at the bar? He didn’t hesitate to buy Benny a drink because he knew he could easily steal him away from a sad sack like me.
Eddie is drawn out of his thoughts when Benny opens the car door for him, waving his hand. “Cmon Eds, we’re home.” His smile fades. “Are you okay? You look…sad.” Eddie tried his best to smile, but it probably seemed artificial. “I’m fine Benny. Just tired.” He pulls himself out of the car.
The keys jangle as Benny pushes them into the door. “I'm gonna change for bed!” Benny yells as he walks away and quickly disappears into their bedroom. Eddie sluggishly goes into the bathroom to brush his teeth. Benny pops his head out of the bedroom, his red sleeping shorts visible behind the doorframe. “Swap!” He shouted playfully. Eddie swaps places with Benny, pulling on his sleeping shorts and shirt. Faintly, he hears Benny fall onto the mattress behind him.
Eddie stops in front of their floor length mirror. He instantly wants to look away but instead stares at himself intently. Like if he stares hard enough his body will miraculously change. Benny catches him looking for a second too long. He shuffles across the mattress and wraps his arms around Eddie’s waist. “You sure nothing’s wrong Eds?”
“Huh? Yeah I’m fine. Let’s lay down.” Benny smiles mischievously and begins to pull Eddie onto the bed by his shirt. Eddie grunts in surprise as he collapses onto the bed before giving Benny a scolding look and a small smile. He turns his back to Benny, expecting him to cuddle up to him.
When Benny briefly unwraps his arms from around him, the insecurity slithers back into his mind. As he spirals down again, he fidgets, unable to keep his hands or legs completely still.
“Eddie.” Eddie? Benny must mean business. He grunts to show he’s listening. “I can tell you’re upset about something. Could you talk to me? Please?”
“It’s fine Benny.” Eddie mutters.
Benny gives a small sigh. “It’s not fine. Could you just tell me?”
The words rush out, like Eddie’s uncorked his bottle of emotions and the contents are pouring out. “Do you wish you could be with him instead?”
“Wha-“ Benny's jaw slacks in confusion. “Who?”
“The guy at the bar.” Eddie says hurriedly.
“What? No!” Benny lightly touches Eddie’s shoulder, trying to prod him into turning around. “What makes you think that?”
Eddie finally snaps, his voice tight as he yells. “Because he’s skinny and I'm fat, he’s tall and I'm short, and he’s CLEARLY healthy and muscular while I can barely walk up the stairs without coughing! And-and he was flirting with you. Leaning towards you and winking and looking at you like he wanted you-like he wanted you bad enough to just take you away right in front of me!”
It takes Benny a while to regain his composure. He softens as he processes the confession. “Eds. Eddie. Look at me.” He forces Eddie to turn towards him as gently as he can, pulling on his arm. Eddie begrudgingly shuffles around until he faces Benny and can meet his eyes. Raging and wild pupils settle on soft and bright green.
“He has absolutely nothing on you. I would never leave you for some random guy I just met. No matter how ‘hot’ he is.” He brackets the word with finger quotes. “I wouldn’t just toss you to the side like that. I promise.”
“Why was he laughing at me then?” Eddie mumbles quietly, still breathing heavily.
“Laughing? Wh-oh.” Benny’s eyes widened in realization. “Oh Eds, he wasn’t laughing at you!” He gently cups one of his hands around Eddie’s cheek in comfort, as if he was holding a delicate flower. “He was laughing at himself! He hadn’t seen you tucked into the corner of the booth, and when I told him I already had a partner he laughed at his mistake.”
Eddie blinks slowly. “Oh…he didn’t even see me?”
Benny shakes his head. “Nope. I barely talked to him after that.”
Eddie’s thoughts finally began to slow down. “Oh…what did you tell him?”
“I told him he was cute, to be nice but,” Benny swipes a thumb across Eddie’s cheek. “No one will ever be cuter than you.”
Eddie hesitates before speaking. “I was just thinking of all of this because of what you told me that day…on the couch.” His throat tightened as he spoke. “I know you said you’d stay for me but how can you promise that Benny?
Benny takes a steadying breath. “I’m going to be honest with you, okay?”
“I kept running and running because I felt like I couldn’t find a home. I ran from person to person and got cheap love and I gave it in return.” He strokes his thumb across Eddie’s cheek again with a smile.
“But now I have you. And Eddie you’re anything but cheap. I don’t think I could ever put a price on you.” The pause he takes before he speaks again is heavy with emotion, a strange tension filled with vulnerability instead of anger.
“You make me feel safe. You make me want to stay.” Benny whispered.
Eddie’s heart swelled at the quiet admission.
“Eddie, I think you are my home.”
Against his will, Eddie’s eyes begin to water. “Are you sure you want this as your home?”
“Oh c'mon, I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He smiles warmly at Eddie.
He sniffles as the tears threaten to fall. Damn, he hasn’t cried in months. “Really?”
“Oh c’mere” Benny pulls Eddie’s head to his chest, cradling it, and wraps his other arm around his waist. He gently strokes the back of Eddie’s head, musing his hair.
“I. LIKE. YOU. What else do I have to do to convince you of that, huh?” He mutters.
He pulls Eddie’s head away from his chest. He plants a small kiss on his cheek. “You’re handsome.” Another kiss on his forehead. “And thoughtful.” A kiss on his jaw. “Definitely sexy.” Benny continues to mutter sweet nothings to Eddie until his lips are brushing against flushed cheeks.
Eddie pushes his face away. “Okay, okay, I get it”
Benny pulls Eddie back against his chest, gently playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. He tangles their legs together as he pulls the duvet over them. Eddie rubs away the moisture that had started to gather in his eyes. He felt soothed now, a verbal and physical reassurance from Benny temporarily washing away any insecurity he had. His heart was still overflowing with emotion despite being soothed. There was something he desperately wanted to tell Benny, but he was too scared to say the words. Three words, to be exact. He leaned closer to Benny’s head, mustering up all his courage.
“I love you.” He whispered into Benny’s ear. Benny’s grip around Eddie tightened. Eddie was scared he’d overstepped before Benny squeezed him tighter and he heard a barely perceptible:
“I love you too Eds.”