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FADE IN:
INT. EDD’S HOUSE - DAY
TOM opens the door to the refrigerator, it’s empty. In the background an advertisement can be heard playing on the tele. He turns his head, looking away from the fridge and instead at where the tele is assumed to be.
TOM
(accusing)
Maaaaaaaatt!
MATT (O.S.)
(Slightly annoyed and confused)
What??
TOM closes the fridge and walks into the living room. An ad for something called a ‘Bacon Cola blast extreme’ is playing. On the couch sit EDD and MATT.
TOM
(annoyed)
You forgot to get the groceries!
MATT gives him a bit of a bewildered expression.
MATT
(confused)
Wasn’t it your turn to get them this week?
EDD takes his eyes away from the tele, looking at MATT.
EDD
No, he’s right, I told you a week ago; remember?
FADE IN:
INT. MATT’S ROOM - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
MATT is sitting in front of his make-up desk. His face is covered by a clay mask, his eyes covered by cucumbers, and his hair wrapped up in a pink towel.
EDD opens the door to MATT’s room, looking in.
EDD
Matt, you’re doing the groceries next week, Tom did it last time.
MATT
(not listening)
Mhmmm.
INT. THE LIVING ROOM - DAY (END OF FLASHBACK)
FADE OUT:
MATT
(a bit guilty)
Ohhhh…
EDD
(nonchalant)
Well, I suppose it doesn't matter now. None of us are going to be doing anything else today so…
TOM
Are you saying–
MATT bounces up from the couch.
MATT
(excited)
Group grocery trip?!?!
EDD also gets up from the couch. He stands with hands on his hips looking very pleased with himself.
EDD
(happy)
Indeed I am!
MATT does a little jump of joy.
MATT
(very excited)
Hooray!!!
CUT TO:
INT. GROCERY STORE - DAY
A montage is shown of the boys getting stuff in the store. They are first shown picking out cereal, MATT points at the ones he wants as EDD grabs them; TOM holds the cart (which MATT is sitting in). Next TOM is shown looking at frozen pizza as (in the background) EDD runs around with the cart MATT is sitting in, both laughing and clearly having fun. After, TOM is shown looking at alcohol, the camera pans to the left of him showing EDD looking at a section filled with cola. MATT just sits in the cart looking bored. Finally, EDD is shown juggling oranges to both MATT and TOM’s delight.
One of the oranges flies out of EDD’s hands and hits a grumpy looking employee in the back of the head. The second employee, who is standing next to the first, raises a curious eyebrow at her coworker.
EMPLOYEE 1
(angry)
HEY YOU–
The boys are shown moving away in the background, smiling and laughing, clearly unaware of what happened.
EMPLOYEE 1
(to employee 2)
Just who the hell do these guys think they are?!?
EMPLOYEE 2 shrugs. She clearly doesn’t really care.
EMPLOYEE 2
(indifferent)
No clue, but they sure seem to be living in their own world.
EMPLOYEE 2 stares directly at the camera.
EMPLOYEE 1
(still wicked pissed)
Well, whoever they are, they clearly have no respect for rules and must be stopped!
EMPLOYEE 2
(could not give 2 shits)
Okay man, whatever you say. They just seem to me like they're having fun though.
EMPLOYEE 1 tweaks the fuck out.
EMPLOYEE 1
That’s what they WANT you to think! In fact, they are probably planning evil rebellious schemes against us as we speak!
– SCENE CUTS TO THE BOYS
TOM is shown looking at the grocery list that they had brought, mumbling over the things that they had already got.
TOM
–bacon… And I think that’s it!
TOM looks up from the list.
TOM
Is there anything else you guys might need while we’re here?
EDD, who was sitting at one of those make-up try on booths turns to face TOM, face covered in make-up.
EDD
No, nothing that I can think of, Matt?
MATT, who was also sitting at the booth, turns to face TOM as well.
MATT
Oh, uhhh, let me think…
As MATT tries to think, a loading wheel is shown in his thought bubble. TOM and EDD watch the loading wheel.
After a few more seconds of this TOM looks down at his watch, bored.
MATT
(enthusiastic)
OH! I KNOW!
MATT jumps out of the chair he was sitting in shooting his arms up in the air. One of his arms ends up hitting TOM square in the face, shoving him over and into the cart with force.
MATT
(muttering)
Wait, actually never mind, no.
As MATT muttered, the cart hit one of the isles nearby (somehow) causing it to fall over, crushing anyone who might be on the other side.
A MOTHER screams.
MOTHER (O.S.)
TIMMY NO!!!
The boys look on in shock.
TOM
(mutter)
Oh no…
From a few isles down, EMPLOYEE 1 jumps out with 7 police officers behind him.
EMPLOYEE 1
Ah ha! Just as I thought! Get them!
The boys awkwardly look at each other for a moment.
TOM
RUN!
The boys begin running in the opposite direction. As they run past the pet food section MATT flips over a poorly sealed bag of cat food. The police officers trip over the kibble and fall on their asses.
The boys keep running.
TOM
(to Edd)
We need to split up!
EDD
Got it!
As the police each get up from the ground the boys split off in three different directions. TOM going left, MATT going right, and EDD continuing on forward.
– SCENE CUTS TO TOM
2 police run into the clothing area of the store, running right past TOM, who is facing away from the camera wearing a striped dress and posing as a mannequin. After the Police run off screen TOM turns to look towards the camera and gives a sigh of relief before running off again.
– SCENE CUTS TO MATT
MATT sits in the janitor's closet, completely surrounded by darkness.
MATT
(smug whisper)
Hehe, those stupid pigs will never find me here–
MATT gets cut off as the door to the closet opens.
MATT and the police officer stare dumbfoundedly at each other for a second. Then MATT gets an idea.
MATT
(awkward nervousness)
Well hello there officer, are you perhaps here to give me a blood donation?
OFFICER
(confused)
What?–
The police officer is dragged into the closet by MATT. His mouth is covered by one of MATT’s hands.
– SCENE CUTS TO EDD
EDD is seen running, 2 police officers chasing after him. As he continues forward he notices a “Wet floor” sign up ahead. As soon as he reaches it, he grabs it and swings it at the police following him, knocking them unconscious.
While EDD keeps running, TOM and MATT appear from opposite sides of the screen and join EDD in running. TOM still has the dress on and MATT has a red liquid smeared from his lips to his (very prominent mind you) chin.
EDD
(a bit confused but happy)
Oh, hey guys!
Suddenly EMPLOYEE 1 jumps out in front of them again. EMPLOYEE 2 stands next to him, watching in boredom.
EMPLOYEE 1
(smug)
Ah ha! Nice try you hooligans! You’ll never get past me!
The boys stare at him, clearly unsure of what to do now. Then from the corner of EDD’s eye, he sees that he is right next to the oranges that he used earlier for juggling. He quickly reaches behind TOM, grabbing an orange from the stand, and throwing it smack dab in EMPLOYEE 1’s face. EMPLOYEE 1 falls to the ground. The boys, and EMPLOYEE 2, look at the man lying on the ground.
EDD
(gloating)
HA! We win!
(pause.)
Guess we should run back and get our cart so we can hurry to the check out.
MATT
Ohhh yeah. We did leave it back there didn’t we.
As the boys chatter, the last 2 police walk up behind them.
CUT TO:
EXT. GROCERY STORE - DAY
The boys get thrown out of the store. TOM no longer with his dress, MATT no longer with blood on his face, but EDD now with a yellow post-it note on his head. They all looked bummed.
EDD takes the note off his head and looks at it.
The note reads:
‘UR BANNED!’
EDD stands up from the ground he was so rudely thrown onto, the others stand up as well.
EDD
(sighs in annoyance)
Well damn.
EDD, MATT, and TOM start to walk away.
TOM
(pissed)
Well now where are we supposed to get our groceries from?
EDD
Well, I know there’s a place further away that–
The boys get further and further away, their conversation getting harder and harder to hear.
A small gust of wind causes a bright red and black flyer with many men saluting on it to land in front of the camera:
‘JOIN US FOR A NEW TOMORROW.’
-END OF SCRIPT-