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The phone is still recording. Felix can see the red TikTok progress bar moving in a perfect circle every second. He stares at the scene playing out on the phone screen, there’s something in his expression he can’t quite decipher.
He had invited some of his friends over for a movie night, bought some snacks, and baked a whole batch of chocolate brownies for them to eat together. Felix had to set aside a few pieces for Chan because his boyfriend looked like a puppy being kicked out of the house when Felix announced the day before that it was a night just for their specific little group the ones who lived on the same floor in their college dorm and– no, hyung, you can’t join us.
Earlier that day, he’d been kissed for at least five whole minutes, pressed against the front door of their new home until he was breathless and his legs were weak. He’d been caressed, fondled, and even given a few hickeys in places that can’t be mentioned in public, and then —only then — did Chan say goodbye to spend the night at Changbin’s house so they could be comfortable.
It had been fun having his friends over at his new home. Even though more than two months had already passed, Felix was still learning how to handle everything now that he had graduated and moved into that brand-new home with Chan. They watched The Notebook at Hyunjin’s request, then had a karaoke contest where an ecstatic Jisung almost broke the TV with the microphone while competing against Seungmin — who, in the end, still came out on top. Now, Felix was beaming with happiness, half-reclining against Seungmin while another, less interesting movie played on TV, scrolling through Tiktok and sending a few videos to Chan’s chat until he found a trend that caught his eye.
He had a few pregnancy tests left in the bathroom cabinet after the little pregnancy scare they’d had at the end of last year — Chan had gotten a little too nervous and ended up bringing at least six of them home from the pharmacy, and Felix hadn’t peed on all the others once the second one came back negative. The trend was just a silly prank where people took pregnancy tests, put them back in the box, and mixed them up so no one would know who they belonged to. Most of the videos were just silly pranks where everyone tested negative, others had a few surprises, but Felix was excited to record a video like this just for the sake of entertainment.
After managing, with a lot of effort, to persuade everyone to take one, he turned on his phone’s front-facing camera and asked each person to take one of the already-taken tests and show it to the camera. The one Hyunjin held up to the camera came back negative, as did Jisung’s; Felix knew his was negative too, but he hadn’t shown it to the camera yet. Seungmin turned the test in his hands and—
There were two red lines there.
The silence in the bathroom was so thick you could cut it with a razor. The video kept recording as varying degrees of shock spread across everyone's faces.
“Well…” Hyunjin begins from his spot near the shower stall, he tilts his head and looks again at the positive test in Seungmin’s hands, squinting. “That could be a false positive, right?” He lets out a nervous chuckle.
“False positives are extremely rare." Seungmin replies, his eyebrows furrowed. He sets the test down on the bathroom sink and crosses his arms. “It’s much more likely to get a false negative than a false positive in situations like this.”
“How do you know that?” Jisung nudges his arm.
Seungmin’s cheeks turn a little red. “I’ve had to take one before…”
“SEUNGMINNIE HAD A PREGNANCY SCARE!”
Seungmin covered his ears, shooting Jisung a dirty look. “My period was a week late because of the stress of exam week, and I just wanted to be sure.”
“That means you let Jeongin have sex with you without a cond—”
“I’m not going to argue about that with you.”
“The fact that you’re being so defensive just means it’s true—”
“Okay!” Hyunjin claps his hands, drawing everyone’s attention. “Seungmin and his creampie kink aren’t relevant right now when we have something more serious to deal with.”
“I don’t have a ‘creampie kink’—”
“Is anyone’s period late?” Hyunjin interrupts. “Mine isn’t.”
“Mine was at the beginning of the month.”
“Mine ended two weeks ago.”
Everyone’s eyes turned to Felix, noticing that he was still silently staring at the positive test Seungmin had left on the sink.
“Lixie?” Hyunjin steps closer, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay?”
When Felix looks up at him, his eyes are wide like a deer caught in the headlights, his mouth open without uttering a word. Felix’s gaze flits between his friends’ now worried faces, the positive test in the sink, and the cell phone still recording. He has an unexpected epiphany.
“I think…” his voice comes out shaky and too quiet even for his own ears. His hands rise to his stomach on pure impulse. “Oh my God I’m going to throw up—”
And it happens.
──── ୨୧ ────
Felix was a bundle of nerves and anxiety, pacing back and forth barefoot while everyone waited for the minutes indicated on the new test that Jisung had gone out to buy. Hyunjin quietly opens the balcony door to let in some fresh air and perhaps help Felix a little so he doesn’t wear a hole in the floor.
Felix runs his sweaty hands through his hair for the twentieth time, knowing his blond locks are already a mess, just like he is. His mind starts going back over all the symptoms he might have ignored. He’d been so busy with the end of his internship, then organizing his graduation, and after that, he and Chan had been spending all their free time visiting the houses the real estate agent was showing them that he ended up neglecting the app where he tracked the days of his cycle.
Felix stops in his tracks, bites his thumbnail, and concludes that it’s probably been at least two or three months since his last period. Could he have forgotten to take a birth control pill at some point? He and Chan indulged in the pleasure of going without a condom every now and then just because Felix was a needy whiner who always complained whenever he saw his boyfriend reach for a condom when he was already very aroused.
“Lixie, you’re going to wear a hole in the new floor.” Seungmin comments without taking his eyes off his phone. Felix can hear him watching the video they recorded, and the sound of himself vomiting in the bathroom makes his stomach churn again.
Fortunately — or not — the alarm on Jisung’s phone goes off, and Felix quickly grabs the test and looks at the result. Everyone holds their breath while Felix just keeps staring at it without saying a word.
Sitting on the couch, Jisung’s leg swings back and forth nervously. “So? What’s the result?”
Felix’s heart is pounding so hard inside his chest that he can hear it throbbing in his ears. He gasps, feeling his eyes well up as his trembling hands hold up the test to the others.
“I-I’m pregnant…”
Everyone lets out a sigh in unison. Felix sits down on the couch when he feels his legs can no longer hold him up. He stares intently at the test in his hands without uttering a single sound, ignoring the whirlwind of emotions that tie his stomach in knots.
Hyunjin is the first to approach, sitting down next to Felix on the couch and wrapping his arm around Felix’s shoulders in a gentle embrace. Seungmin sits on the other side, followed by Jisung, who seems to be nervously trying to offer support. They just sit there for a while, letting their presence alone show their support in that moment.
Hyunjin murmurs a few words of sympathy, holding Felix’s hand in a gentle grip. “It’s okay, Lix. Take a deep breath, it’s okay.”
Seungmin murmurs in sympathy, placing his hand on Felix’s arm before saying softly in the calmest tone he can manage: “You can always choose not to go through with the pregnancy.”
Felix slaps Seungmin’s hand away from his body. The sound echoes off the walls before silence settles in. He stares at Seungmin with nothing but pure rage on his face, as if he were one step away from attacking him for daring to even mention what he had just said.
Seungmin’s eyes widen in shock. He raises his hands in a sign of surrender, backing away but still on the couch.
Felix blinks, there’s a mixture of shock and regret on his face. His posture slumps as he realizes what he’s just done.
For godness' sake, he’d just actually hit one of his friends. His eyes fill with tears, and a sob jolts his chest as he begins to cry.
“I-I’m sorry…” he tries to breathe, but his throat feels tight. “I’m sorry Seungminnie I’m sorry guys…”
“It’s okay, Lix!” Jisung stands up, stepping in front of Felix to gently stroke his hair. “It’s a lot to take in all at once.”
Felix shakes his head, rubbing his face with his palms. “That doesn’t give me a free pass to be rude to anyone. B-but the slightest suggestion that I shouldn’t keep the… the baby—” He gulps, struggling to breathe properly. “How could I?” He whispers haltingly, in a tone so pained it’s heartbreaking. “How could I not keep the baby Channie gave me?"
“Oh, Lix, Chan-hyung would never ask you to—” Hyunjin begins, but Felix cuts him off, shaking his head, so he falls silent again.
“It’s not the ideal moment— God, it’s not even close to ideal…” Felix takes a deep breath, wiping away the tears that have streaked his cheeks before placing his hands protectively on his belly. “But it’s mine. My baby, my son.”
“No one’s going to take him away from you.” Seungmin says promptly, rubbing circles on his back.
Felix nods, closing his eyes tightly and taking a deep breath before opening them again. He wanted the worries in his mind to disappear so he could give in to his instincts. “I think I need a cuddle session. Like, right now.”
“Okay!” Jisung moves quickly to grab the cushions from the couch. “Time to build a pillow fort, then!”
──── ୨୧ ────
Chan was extremely confused as to why there were four people curled up inside a huge fort of pillows and blankets on his living room rug when he got home the next morning. Felix only woke up — half-crushed by Jisung, lying on Hyunjin’s stomach, and with his legs draped over Seungmin’s body — when he caught the scent of something being prepared in the kitchen. Chan’s soft humming coming from the other room sharpened his senses.
It didn’t take long for Chan to gently wake them up for breakfast. Everyone says their goodbyes as soon as they’ve had their fill of breakfast, giving Felix tight hugs before heading out the door, leaving the couple alone.
Felix is sure Chan had noticed the way his smile didn’t reach his eyes as he said goodbye to the others, because as soon as the door closes, he finds himself pulled into his boyfriend’s strong arms right in the middle of the living room. He lets out a little squeal of surprise when Chan lifts him up and settles him on his lap as soon as Chan sits down on the couch. Felix barely has a chance to say anything before Chan presses him against his chest, holding the back of his head until Felix can rest his head on his shoulder and simply let the weight of his emotions consume him.
It was as if the dam of his emotions had burst. Clinging to the fabric of Chan’s shirt, a sob shakes Felix’s body. He feels his eyes growing hot, his throat tightening, and then it all feels like too much — it’s no surprise when tears begin to fall from his eyes, one after another.
“It’s okay, love. I’m here with you.” Chan whispers, his voice as sweet as the purest honey. He gently rocks Felix in his lap, without pressuring him to explain what was wrong, simply letting his boyfriend collapse into his arms and cry as much as he needs to.
Felix doesn’t know exactly why he’s crying so much. He just feels extremely overwhelmed right now. There’s a little voice in the back of his mind that makes him wonder if this is one of the symptoms of pregnancy. His stomach churns again.
He’s still sobbing quietly as he manages to take another deep breath and stop the tears. Chan uses his thumbs to wipe Felix’s cheeks, gently tracing his freckles in the process.
He smiles gently at Felix when they lock eyes. “You feeling a little better?”
Felix nods, sniffling once more before taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry, hyung.”
“Why are you apologizing, sweetheart?” Chan strokes his cheek. “Do you want to tell me what happened? Do you need a glass of water?”
“Yes, please.”
“Okay.” Chan kisses his forehead, gently settling Felix onto the sofa cushions before standing up. “I’ll be right back.”
As soon as Chan returns with the water, Felix drinks it all slowly. He looks at the empty glass in his hands and then at Chan standing in front of him, still wearing a worried expression that Felix knows he’s trying to hide.
Taking a deep breath, Felix murmurs: “So…” He clears his throat when he realizes his voice is hoarse. “I found out something…”
Chan says nothing, nodding to signal Felix to continue.
Felix sets the glass down on the table, patting the spot next to him for Chan to sit down. Once they’re facing each other, Felix still fiddles with his cuticles to avoid looking up. Chan takes his hands, giving them a firm squeeze. Felix looks at him. His eyes seem incredibly kind. Felix’s heart tightens a little more. It doesn’t even cross his mind to prepare anything for a big reveal, he just needs Chan to know right now.
“I’m pregnant.”
He doesn’t realize he’d closed his eyes until he has to open them. Chan is still there, sitting across from him. His expression is neutral, except for the way his eyes are slightly widened. Felix can feel his hands trembling where they’re holding Felix’s own hands.
There’s no sound in the room for a full minute. Chan opens his mouth, then closes it, then opens it again and says: “...Am I going to be a dad?”
Felix can’t read his expression, so he just nods, a little shyly. “Yes, hyung.”
Chan pulls him onto his lap, wrapping his arms around him and squeezing him so tightly that Felix can feel his joints crack. He lets out a small groan of protest, and Chan quickly loosens his grip, looking at him closely and– oh, he’s crying and smiling at the same time.
Chan’s voice trembles with tears; he sniffs between laughs, leaning in to kiss a dazed Felix. “This is wonderful, love.”
Felix is a little taken aback. Not that he thought his boyfriend would react badly to the news, but the truth is, he didn’t know exactly what to expect. His little fingers reach up to gently cup Chan’s jaw, looking him in the eyes.
“You happy?”
“Of course.” Chan replies promptly, smiling with his beautiful dimples. He winks, squeezing Felix’s hips. “Aren’t you… happy about the news?”
The uncertainty in his voice makes Felix’s stomach churn. “I… I am.” he admits, biting his lower lip hard. Chan uses his thumb to pull it from between Felix’s teeth, encouraging him to continue his train of thought. “It’s just that… Hyung, we just moved.”
Chan tilts his head in confusion. “Yeah?”
Felix pouts. “I just graduated, you just got that promotion at work, and, uh, we’re not even married, hyung… it’s just not the right time.”
“Then let’s get married.”
A nervous, surprised chuckle escapes Felix’s chest. “What?”
“Let’s get married, love.” Chan repeats firmly. His voice is warm but serious, leaving no room to doubt that he’s speaking with complete sincerity. Chan presses his lips into a thin line for a moment before asking softly in a low voice: “Do you want to keep the baby?”
Felix does his best not to take offense at the question, knowing his boyfriend means well. He feels irrational for still feeling a twinge of anger. “Of course I’m going to keep the baby— What the hell kind of question is that?”
Chan silences him with a few kisses on his cheeks, trying to coax the irritated scowl off his face. “I’m sorry, I just needed to confirm.” Felix grumbles, but accepts Chan’s kiss on his lips. Chan gently rubs his thumb beneath Felix’s eye as they pull apart. “I know you’ve always wanted to do things the right way, Lix. Get engaged, get married, have kids… but sometimes things don’t go as planned, and that’s okay, too.” Chan rubs his nose against Felix’s temple, pressing his lips there in a chaste kiss. “It may have happened sooner than you wanted, but even if it’s not the perfect moment, we just have to adapt to it.”
Felix’s eyes are welling up once again, but he tries with all his might not to start crying again, since he no longer knows if he’ll be able to stop anytime soon. He nods, sniffling to hold back the tears and eliciting a little chuckle from Chan before burying his face in his shoulder. Chan comforts him, rubbing gentle circles on his back while stroking his scalp in that way he knows always makes him drowsy and relaxed.
“I can’t believe we’re having a baby,” Felix murmurs, his voice muffled by Chan’s skin. He can feel his eyelids growing heavy.
“I can’t believe you’re giving me a whole baby.”
A silly little smile spreads across Felix’s face. “I can’t believe you got me pregnant before you proposed.”
Chan holds his breath before letting out a nervous laugh, pulling his boyfriend closer into his arms. “In my defense, I already bought your ring, I just haven’t proposed yet…”
Felix gasps, wriggling free from Chan’s embrace to stare at him with wide, surprised eyes. He’s a little amazed by this information. “Why did you tell me that? I still want a marriage proposal!”
“I can propose to you right now if you want, sweetheart.”
“That doesn’t count, I want to be caught off guard.”
Chan laughs out loud, in that way that makes his eyes get smaller. Felix feels like he falls even more in love every time he hears that sound. Oh, he loves him so much.
Chan leans in to kiss the pout Felix is making, leaving Felix all melted in his lap, brushing his blond hair away from his face so he can see him clearly. “I’ll do it, but only because I love you so much.”
“Good.” Felix nods. “I’m carrying your child, you need to love me even more.”
"And I couldn’t be more grateful."