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Dear Ma,
It’s been a hard few days. Maybe weeks. We were trapped in the Fade — where magic and dreams and all that come from — and I’m not sure if time works the same way there. There wasn’t day or night, really, so maybe there isn’t time at all.
But it was hard, time or no time.
Varric is gone.
Solas, or the Dread Wolf or whatever arrogant name he’s given himself, killed him. Stabbed him. Just like that.
Varric shouldn’t have tried to reason with him. How do you reason with crazy? He wants to destroy everything, it’s not exactly the kind of thing someone can be talked out of, you know?
But Varric said Solas was his friend. He believed there was something good in there, I guess.
Solas murdered him for that belief.
None of us stopped him. We should have stopped him, right? That’s why we were there. What we were sent to do. Why we had a team. But Rook and I couldn’t get there in time, couldn’t save him. Neve, that detective from Minrathous I’ve told you about, couldn’t either. All we did was stare while Solas stabbed him to death.
It feels like we should have done more. But I’m not sure how we could have.
And now he’s gone. Just like that.
Just writing it all out makes me want to find Solas and rip his head off with my bare hands. He never thought much of dwarves, even less than he seemed to think of everyone else, but I could teach him a thing or two about not betraying us.
Neve’s being really sweet, asking how I am and checking on me. But Rook hasn’t said anything. Not really. He’s asked how I am, but that’s where it stops. You’d almost think nothing had happened except the ritual and us getting our butts kicked. I don’t get it. I’ve tried to push him to talk, and he just doesn’t. It’s like he doesn’t hear me, but I know he must.
It’s starting to frustrate me. I can’t say that to him or to Neve, but I know you’ll understand.
How could he ignore this? Just blow past it like it didn’t change everything? Like Varric’s death doesn’t matter?
It matters! It matters to me, to Varric’s friends and the people who loved him, to everyone. Except Rook, I guess.
It’s just so disrespectful, Ma! This was our friend! We need to talk about this! I need to talk about this, with someone who knew Varric like I did! Neve is fine, and I appreciate her trying, but it was Rook and Varric and I that did this together.
Now it’s just me and Rook and even though he never shuts his mouth, this he doesn’t talk about?
But maybe talking about it isn’t what he needs.
I’m being selfish, aren’t I? By pushing it, I mean. Maybe Rook doesn’t talk about the important stuff, just about everything else ever.
Actually, now that I’ve written it down, that does seem right.
It still makes me mad though. Even if it probably shouldn’t. I just wish he would try. And I shouldn’t demand that of him, but that just makes me mad too. He needs space, okay, fine, but I don’t!
I don’t know what to do now.
I can’t keep being angry at him. We are all each other has now. Now that Varric is gone. And being mad never fixed anything anyway.
Sorry. I didn’t mean to turn this into a rant, but…it’s a lot to carry, Ma. I don’t know how I’ll manage it. But I’ll figure something out, right? That’s what Hardings do.
Enough about me though, how have you been? How is the farm?
My benefactor said he sent you my pay, did you get it? If you did, would it be too much to ask to use part of it to get a new wool blanket for the Terrances while you’re in town? I heard they lost half of their wheat crop, and I know it will be cold soon. Hopefully it can keep their children warm, at least.
I hope all is well, and that I hear from you soon.
Your loving daughter,
Lace