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You turned off the lights in your room, hoping the darkness would at least bring you comfort.
The tears streaming down your chin almost make you want to laugh, were you a hypocrite for feeling like this when you were the one who decided to end it?
You were stupid to think it would be easy. I mean, you walked to the park to meet him with one objective, and that was to end it. But after saying the last goodbye to your Denki, the weight that rests on your heart cannot be ignored. Despite convincing yourself that this is for the both of you, it still hurts.
He was busy with his hero work and you had your own life as well.
It was a long distance relationship and you couldn’t handle it. Not because you would miss him too much, but because the distance makes him feel like a stranger. Like the feelings never existed, like he’s nothing to you.
But Kaminari…
He gave his all in loving someone. In loving you.
“Please, don’t end this. We can still fix this, Baby…”
The fact that you two were alone at the park meant there was nothing holding you back to express all of your emotions.
“I can just tell the boss that I can move here, I can work here. Then we wouldn’t be so apart anymore,” he held your hand as if his life depended on it, as if letting go of it will break him.
Just like him, you were also broken. Just like him, there were also tears threatening to spill from the corners of your eyes.
“Denki… I can’t do this anymore, what will you do if you move here? There’s less opportunities for you here.” your voice wavered with each word that came out of your mouth, but you held your ground.
It was the reason you fell deeper into loving Denki, how he gave his all in showing his love to you. But it is also the reason why you needed to end this now.
It broke you how he's so willing to sacrifice his own opportunities just to be with you, how he couldn’t care less about himself, just so he can show you he cares a lot about you.
And you didn’t want him to do such a thing to himself anymore.
This was always the problem with your relationship. Sure, you've talked about this before. You’ve tried fixing it together.
But nothing seems to work out.
Denki always finds a way to put himself first before you.
“I can't do this anymore, Denki.”
All he could let out was a whine, his chest heaved and you saw the way his knees gave out, he was kneeling in front of you with his head down.
“Baby, stop that. Don’t call me by my name, call me how you always did.” he sobbed by your knee while he continued to grab onto your hand. “Ca- call me Baby…”
Kneeling down, you hugged him. And as your arms were wrapped around his body, you felt your heart getting clenched as he sobbed violently into your arms.
For a while, the two of you stayed quiet in that position, until he finally spoke up.
“Baby…”
“Yes...?”
“Was any of it real?”
With that, the tears that were only in the corners of your eyes finally spilled. It made your hug him tight for a moment before pushing him, facing him.
“It was real, I'm not ending this because I was faking it, Denki. I'm ending this because I can’t handle it anymore.”
It hurts to look at his face, eyes were red and swollen from all that crying.
“I didn't confess, love you, forgive you, understand you, kiss you, all of that, just because I was faking it. It was real.”
You refuse to think back on what happened after you uttered those words, how you forced him to loosen his grip onto your hands, how you stood up with him left on the floor, how you left him there in the park,.
But still, the scene kept replaying in your head as you crawled onto your bed, crying into your pillow.