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Mac wakes up to the wet feeling of Charlie pressing a sloppy kiss on his forehead. “Ugh,” his face scrunches up reflexively, “what the hell?”
Charlie lets out an amused snort, “You totally liked it.” His arms coil under Mac’s and around his chest, squeezing the other man’s ribs a little too tight.
“Liked what, you licking my forehead?” Mac unsuccessfully fights down a smile despite the lingering disgust. It’s hard to stay mad while cuddling with someone, even Charlie who smells like a nauseating mix of cheese and off brand cleaning products.
Suddenly Charlie speaks far too loudly for how close together they are, “Oh yeah! Dude, I totally figured something out last night!”
Only half listening, Mac hums dismissively, scootching as best he can away from his friend to stretch out a super buff arm that’s started to cramp.
Charlie presses his nose against Mac’s chest, nuzzling the design. “No seriously dude, listen. I was thinking last night-”
“That can’t possibly be true.”
“Will you just let me finish?” Charlie snaps without heat, one of his hands lightly ghosting Mac’s side. It kinda tickles.
“So I was thinking last night about you. Or, us or whatever and, how I like you even when you look like a different person.”
“Wha?”
“And I realized that I love you.”
Silence.
“Or I guess, I’m IN love with you? I don’t know what the difference is but I think it’s pretty important.”
Mac’s first instinct is a combination of fight and flight which has him forcefully jerking himself out of Charlie’s arms, rolling the smaller man off the edge onto the floor with a surprised yelp.
Mac jumps off the other side of the bed, a strange energy running through his arms making them bow awkwardly at his sides like he wants to spring into some kind of action but doesn't know what.
They both shout at the same time: “What the hell dude?!”
Charlie looks kind of silly, his hair extra ruffled and his shirt hanging off his freckled shoulder at an odd angle, his fuzzy legs are half bare because he’d thrown his jeans into a corner that night at Mac’s request.
Mac stares at his friend for a good five seconds before his brain kicks back into gear, “You didn’t tell me you were gay!”
He doesn’t mean to sound so accusatory, considering his past, but it’s upsetting to think there’s something essential about his friend that he doesn’t know!
Charlie pushes a hand through his hair then both perch loosely on his hips, “I’m not! Or I don’t think I am? I’m like uh, what was it Dee said about those penguins?”
“Bisexual? Those penguins weren’t bisexual because bisexuals don’t exist Charlie, they’re just a myth.”
“Oh this coming from the guy who said he doesn’t believe in the lebanese! How are bisexuals a myth if I am one?”
“Lesbians Charlie.”
“You said lebanese, I remember it.”
Mac snarls before continuing, “-And I didn’t say they weren’t real I just don’t get how…” The pause stretches as Mac tries to wrap his mind around two women together, “Ugh, nevermind that doesn’t matter! But I know that bisexuals can’t exist because- because if they did, don’t you think God would’ve made me into one instead of just gay?” He waves his arms in a finite gesture, his point irrefutable.
Charlie lets out a sigh, long and slow, before rubbing at his forehead with thumb and forefinger, “Okay, I think we’re straying off topic. Please don’t bring God into this, it always makes you upset.”
“Hey, God is part of this whether you like it or not!” Mac crosses his arms. The crucifix on his wall looms.
“Okay, but putting God aside for a second-” Charlie lifts a hand to stop Mac’s oncoming protest, “Just for a sec. I think I am bisexual or like- bi-something. Because I think or uh, thought(?) the Waitress was perfect and I love you. It’s kind of confusing since I just figured it out last night but it’s true.”
That makes Mac finally go silent, though it probably won’t be for long.
Okay, actually “putting God aside” for a second, it still doesn’t make a lot of sense to Mac. Firstly because he and the Waitress have nothing in common, so how could Charlie be into both of them?
Second, how did Charlie not know that he was apparently in love with him until last night? They’ve been friends since they were tiny kids!
Charlie isn’t even into sex the way Mac is so how can he be Bisexual? It’s in the name!
Charlie jacks off on occasion and (very rarely) has sex with people. He used to say that getting with the Waitress would be the "peak of their relationship”. But outside of that, Charlie doesn’t lust after people the way Mac or Dennis do.
When they were younger and both high on paint fumes, giggling and talking about whatever came to mind, Charlie told Mac in confidence that he could probably go his whole life without having sex and not be upset about it. To Mac it was truly baffling, but he's at least gotten used to the idea over the years. It sure as hell could never be him though
And thirdly (fourthly?), Charlie isn’t his type so it won’t work anyway! Mac likes men that are tall and muscular and undeniably masculine. Men like him and Dennis who can control a room just by walking into it. He is not into gremlins!
Charlie’s short and scruffy and smelly. He still doesn’t really know how to read beyond picking out a few words here and there (Mac’s been having some reading issues lately with the words getting all blurry but that’s not important).
Charlie still wanders naked through the sewers and he eats cat food (just for fun now, since Mac refuses to let him eat it before bed), not to mention all of the other chemicals he ingests on a regular basis. He thinks ghouls are real. He’s Charlie!
(He’s Charlie. And that’s as good a reason as any to love him.)
“I thought you weren’t even into sex,” Mac continues, his voice frustratingly thin and reedy. Maybe If he keeps arguing about this then he won’t have to think about the rest of Charlie’s confession. That at the age of sixty his best friend has declared his love for him out of the blue and that Mac’s actually… okay, with this.
He thinks back, tries to connect all of their years together to this moment.
I-It just doesn't make any sense Goddamit!
“Man. I don’t know!” Charlie throws his hands up in defeat, “Would you drop the bisexy thing? That wasn’t even the point! Why do you always have to make everything so hard?” Charlie crosses the room and plucks his pants out of the corner. Mac grits his teeth, watching as the smaller man awkwardly hops each leg into his jeans, nearly falling over in the process.
“I make everything hard? Really Charlie? You’re the one making love confessions out of nowhere at-” he twists around to peek at his clock, “seven thirty in the morning!”
Damn it’s early. Dennis probably isn’t even awake yet. Thank God his room is soundproof.
“I thought it was a good thing!” Charlie shouts in exasperation, “Normally when people hear that someone loves them it’s a good thing!”
Mac tries desperately to conjure a real romantic relationship he’s been in. Even just an honest love confession from another man. Instead all he can think of is the stupid Johnny situation ten fucking years ago and the following feeling (many, many hours later when he actually accepted the truth) that there really was no one... Just Dennis, trying to get him to leave the apartment.
“Yeah but… I didn’t- I didn’t ask for this Charlie!”
Frustrated, Mac starts to tear up.
Charlie’s annoyance seems to drain from him, expression turning kind instead. “Hey, it's okay man! Nothing has to change. I just… I think you’re great and I wanted you to know that. I love you. That’s it.” Charlie walks towards him with a surprisingly soft look in his eyes.
It’s so sincere it’s kind of weird.
Mac rubs roughly at his eyes, mostly spreading the tears around, “It’s fine. I mean, I know I’m great,” he says wetly, managing a shrug with one (super muscular) shoulder. His gaze travels around the room before he finally looks at his friend, then quickly he’s looking at his own bare feet instead because it’s easier.
Charlie snorts a laugh.
“So this for sure isn’t a trick right?” Mac worries his hands together, he needs to make sure every base is covered, “Or a scheme? Oh man, is Frank still alive and hiding behind the Ass Pounder 4000?”
Charlie blinks, “Frank is gone man! Unless he’s tricking both of us? I mean, I tried using a fork on his body and he wasn’t cake.” Charlie waggles his free hand next to his face. It’s left unspoken that everyone in the group had poked Frank’s corpse with an utensil more than once.
“I’m not tricking you, I swear. What would I even get out of it?” Charlie pauses for a second, likely thinking of possible benefits.
“Huh.” Mac kicks lightly at the floor. He’s stopped crying, y’know, because he’s a man. “S-so… what about me do you think is so great?”
“Ohmygod,” Charlie groans, “I’m not doing this right now. I really need to pee.”
“But seriously-”
“I’m walking away from you!”
“Wait Charlie!” Mac rushes forward and takes hold of Charlie’s wrist, the other man swinging back around to face him. Impulsively, Mac leans in.
Mac’s maybe a little too eager and their front teeth clack together. When their lips meet it’s an… odd sensation. It’s hard to get past the knowledge that this is Charlie, his lifelong friend and the weird kid who ate paste instead of learning to read. But after a few seconds of horribly awkward lip touching Mac leans closer, deepening the kiss until they’re both flush with each other. Charlie’s body is warm against him, his arms wrapped around Mac’s middle. Mac sucks in his stomach to accentuate his abs. He cups a hand on the back of Charlie’s head, running his fingers through his surprisingly soft hair.
Charlie’s mouth is pretty gross, Mac’s tongue keeps finding gaps where his teeth should be and it tastes like morning-mouth and cheese, but it’s also one of the most tender kisses Mac has ever experienced. Mac is used to trying to dominate (perhaps next time?), but here he feels safe to not have to. It’s almost like Charlie being gentle with him isn’t an insult to his manhood or something!
Eventually they come up for air.
Mac desperately wants to do some happy karate but he stops himself in favor of remaining close. Best not to wack Charlie in the face after such a good kiss.
“You know I can do better than you, right?” is all Mac can think to say.
Thankfully Charlie takes it in stride, “Pfpft. Yeah okay, keep telling yourself that.”
“It’s true, I’m like a silver fox now!” Mac continues lamely. They’ve not moved from their position, noses almost touching. Mac can feel Charlie’s hands fidgeting with each other behind his back. He imagines them slow dancing and has to fight down a lump in his throat.
“My hair is going grey too, how am I not a silver fox?”
“Because you weren’t a fox in the first place-”
“What the hell does that mean? If anything I’m more like a fox than you are!”
Mac groans exaggeratedly, rolling his head backwards to send a look at the ceiling, “It just means that you’re hot, but like in a cool way. I’m a fox, Ryan Gosling is a fox. Dennis is a fox, just not a silver fox ‘cause he still dyes his hair.” Mac has his explaining voice on, and since he’s got the wisdom of age he uses it a lot. No one else seems to appreciate it.
“Ok, but what if I like, found a real silver fox-”
“Do not shave a fox Charlie!,” Mac sighs, bonking his forehead against the shorter man’s affectionately, “We’re getting off topic again…Do you maybe wanna kiss some more?”
“Oh yeah, sure. Can I go piss first?” Charlie jerks a thumb at the door. Mac hisses through his teeth, stepping away from their embrace and waving a hand as if to say “go ahead”. Charlie does a little jump to turn around, a grin spread across his face accentuating all the new wrinkles he’s gotten over the years. Mac smiles back, heat spreading through his stomach as he watches his friend (boyfriend?) rush off. He hears him run into Dennis in the living room, though what they say to each other he can’t make out.
Mac is relieved to find that for some reason the idea of Charlie telling Dennis about what just happened doesn’t scare him the way it usually would.
He's happy.