Chapter Text
It had been three years since the war ended.
Three years since Allura... died.
She was possibly the most caring of the team. She was intelligent, strong, decisive and a very good friend. To be honest, Allura was not just a friend, she was family; but not to Lance. To him, she was the love of his life. Allura was the one who made Lance smile every day and the one who made him feel loved. She was so lucky and didn't even know that.
Keith did.
From the start, he watched Lance try to win the princess' heart from afar. Then, it was just a crush that appeared some time after the bonding moment, but it developed to something more serious over time.
Every time that Keith felt more in love with Lance, the other seemed to fall deeper for Allura. It wasn't pleasing to watch, but it's not like he could do something. They were, simply, friends, after all. It's not like he was his boyfriend.
Boyfriend. He wishes he could call Lance that.
"Wishes", on the present, because he somehow still loved Lance; and even after everything, Lance was still in love with Allura.
Don't get him wrong, Keith also missed Allura; he loved her like the sister he could never have, and he was also glad that Lance was happy when they were dating. It was still painful, though. Watching the man you love falling deeper and deeper for a ghost, while you fell deeper and deeper into an abyss of helplessness.
Although sometimes he could almost pretend that Lance loved him too.
Anyway, Keith didn't have time for this right now. He needed to do really important stuff completely unrelated to the topic.
He had his own apartment now, but spent almost half of the year with his mom. It was a nice life.
It was also a very important day, because Keith decided to go all the way to Lance's farm and tell him how he feels, to get the weight out of his chest... easy, right? This had to be easy. He was a paladin of Voltron, for fuck's sake.
We was about to get up and try to leave his pathetic spiralling behind when he heard his ringtone. Bring Me To Life.
Keith reached for his phone, answering the call on speaker because he was feeling too lazy to put the phone on his ear.
"... Hello, Keith here." He mumbled, answering the call quite awkardly.
"Hey man, just wanted to know if everything's okay. You know, the Lance thing." Pidge's voice echoed through the other line.
"Shouldn't she be at work?" Keith thought.
"I was trying to not think about that, actually..." a sigh escaped his lips as he finally got up.
"You have to, though. I'm already on my way, I'll give you some advice."
"You? Giving romantic advice? That's news."
"You know, Keith, people grow up. I'm not fifteen anymore."
"Yeah, but my brain can't quite process that. For me you're still a little smart angry gremlin."
"I'm going to throw you against a brick wall."
As Pidge finished speaking, Keith heard keys turning and a door opening. He hung up and went to the living room, where she had just entered. He had given his house's keys to her two years ago.
Recently, Pidge has been trying to wear better clothes — that is, of course, when she wasn't working —, and has gotten pretty good at that; although what she was wearing now was just something simple: a green sweater and black leggings.
"Hey, dude." She looked at his My Chemical Romance t-shirt judgmentally. "You're not wearing that today."
Pidge's romantic advices weren't actually that bad. They weren't the best advices ever, but they were better than nothing.
Keith was already on his way. He didn't call Lance, it would only make him more nervous.
Before going, he took a shower; wore a good outfit, but one that didn't seem too out of place; used his "special occasion eyeliner", that wasn't very different from his usual eyeliner, just a bit more pigmented; he even used perfume; he was, indeed, ready for the war.
Except this wasn't a war, it was a love confession.
And he sounded pathetic.
Keith was trying to remember all of the advice Pidge gave him. He didn't want everything to go wrong.
First of all: communication. She said that this is the key to a healthy conversation. Keith should tell Lance everything, even if it's hard. That'll avoid misunderstandings, which, according to her, is "one of the worst romance tropes ever, cause the characters feel like they're dumb" or something like that.
Second of all: he should be honest. He shouldn't memorize anything, just say what he feels. Not everything goes as planned. "Don't do some elaborated shit like saying you're 'saddled with unnecessary feelings'. It's not going to work."
Third of all: hear what he has to say. Lance shouldn't be the only one listening, Keith should also make an effort. "Show him that you want this. That you're ready to hear him and all of the ugly sides of him and you'll still love him."
Fourth of all: be comprehensive. Try to understand him, even if it doesn't seem to make sense. "He's kinda dumb, but you are too."
"Everyone is dumb compared to you."
"True."
Last, but not least: don't panic.
God, that was going to be difficult.
Keith parked his motorcycle in front of Lance's house. A long, deep breath escaped his lungs. This is it, he's finally going to confess.
Standing in the porch, Keith knocked. He waited for about 5 to 6 seconds before he was answered.
"Hey, emo guy! No band t-shirt today?" Veronica answered and arched an eyebrow. Now, he regrets not calling. He didn't know she would be here. "Wait, Lance didn't tell me you were coming."
"Lance didn't know. It's a surprise." Keith smiled, more politely than anything.
"Oh, sure. I'll call him." She turned her head around, right before screaming aggressively "LANCE! IT'S THAT LONG HAIRED FRIEND OF YOURS!"
"WHAT?" A voice answered, and Keith chuckled warmly at the sound. "KEITH'S HERE?"
Keith heard footsteps running down the stairs growing louder and louder as they approached the door.
Standing in that porch, he once again had the sight of the love of his life.
Keith was such a weak man.
"Keith, hi! You didn't tell me you were coming!" Lance opened his arms to hug him. He hugged him back.
"Okay, I'll leave you guys alone for a bit." Veronica said, going back inside the house.
They parted from the hug. Lance's eyes were locked in Keith's. They were always so full: the eyes that looked at galaxies are the same ones gazing his. It felt intimate.
Lance's hands rested on his back. Not a big deal, they're pretty used to physical contact even when being affectionate. In a friendly way. Even though they're so close, it's not a big deal. At all.
"Wait, are you wearing your special occasion eyeliner?"
"Uhhh... No?"
The soft breeze passed by they bodies as they were sitting on a tree surrounded by juniberry flowers, one of which Lance was holding in his hand.
He looked so pretty in the sunlight.
That was it. That was the moment Keith was waiting for. He needed to be strong. He needed to do it right.
"Hey, Lance... I-I need to—"
"I need to tell you something." Lance said abruptly. Keith was not expecting that. "Wait, were you going to say something?"
"N-no! No, you can say it first." Really smooth, Keith.
"It's something I've been wanting to tell you for some time, now..."
Oh my.
He looked at Keith, his black eyes looking deeply into Keith’s dark purple ones. It felt comforting; intimate, even.
"I-" he sighed, taking a long pause while his hand came closer to Keith's.
"I can talk to Allura. I found that out some months ago."
It took Keith a moment to process it.
Oh.
Oh.
Right. How could he ever think that he was going to confess? How could Keith be that stupid?
"Oh." Keith managed to get out of his mouth, while getting his hand farther from Lance's. "That's... That's nice, buddy."
"Yeah. It's probably the altean magic that she used on me before... you know. We had a really nice talk that filled a little bit of the void I felt these past years. It was very good knowing that she's okay. It's good seeing a friend after that much time."
"It must be really reassuring."
Keith wishes it was easier to talk. There was a knot on his throat.
"Mhm..." Lance smiled slightly, like a lovestruck fool. Keith was sure he said something, but he was too distracted to hear it. Keith’s an idiot. "So, what were you going to say?"
Oh. That.
"Nothing. Nevermind."
Keith stayed for 'the afternoon/evening coffee break' — which didn't actually need coffee, just good food —, as Lance offered. It was almost dinner time, and there he was: eating bread, carrot cake and some other stuff.
The food was good. He learned about medianoche, and it was now one of his favourite foods.
Veronica teased him a bit, asking him if he had already found 'somebody to love'. Lance cut her off every time. It was funny, but not the most comfortable thing to hear at the moment.
In spite of it all, it was "chill", to some extent. He could do friendship. He did friendship for four years and it was nice. Lance was happy, and that's all that matters. Keith could manage being just friends.
After he got home, Keith called Shiro. He told him about everything that happened, pretty casually, trying to sound like he didn't care. He was sure Shiro noticed, but didn't push. Instead of keeping hurting himself thinking about it, Keith just asked about his engagement.
Then, he called Pidge. He didn't mention Lance and she noticed, because she couldn't have not noticed; but it stayed at this. They talked about her newest robot.
He took a long, long shower, trying to clear his thoughts before going to bed.
It didn't work.
Keith’s face was buried in his pillow and that was the moment when Keith was sure.
"I'll stop trying."