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'Hmm.'
Cale outstretched his arm over the branches of a lemon tree, twisting his hand slightly.
"Kim Rok Soo."
An acrid taste rose to his tongue.
Swish!
"…"
Cale watched blankly as the branch in front of him started wilting, until the shrivel reached to the roots underneath the soil.
"…Um."
It was scary.
It was so viciously scary he retreated a few steps back even though it was his own power.
'No, it's not really my own.'
A power buried with time, something he'd found lying in wait in the body he transmigrated into. Unlike the ancient powers who still spoke in his mind, the raspy, quiet tone had disappeared after explaining the basics of the power now in his control.
'Where did he get this?'
As far as he'd known, the original Cale had been seen as a trash at best, who only let perhaps alcohol accompany him on his outings. Where exactly had a lout gained a power as fearsome as this?
Something that turned intangible emotions, mostly the suppressed ones, into a force so vivid?
"Hmm."
Cale crouched down, observing the wilted tree in front of him.
A breeze ruffled his hair, smelling of spring. It was winter, so the wind wasn't due to the weather but due to the power he held, and the emotions he was holding back.
'Is it a passive skill?'
Cale had read about it in some distant fantasy books. There were skills unlike the ancient powers, the ones he didn't have to consciously use every time. Like the Vitality of the Heart which worked independently to heal him, this power, Restraint as it was called, worked even without his conscious effort.
'That's good, but…'
"Super Rock?"
There was a reason Cale hadn't used the power, not until he achieved a balance in his plate.
—Hmm… it's an odd power, Cale. The attribute is earth, but the weight is so meagre it's hardly affecting your plate despite the imbalance.
"Mm..."
Cale didn't understand the mechanisms behind it, or where and how the original Cale had fetched such a power.
All he knew was that it would be very useful in scamming.
A sigh was heard in his mind, but the redhead ignored it, smiling to himself.
****
It was his allies who noticed the effect before him.
Because the power was mostly passive, Cale had grown accustomed to ignoring it, something as natural as breathing.
That was why, until the meeting started, he hadn't realised a thing.
"…!"
"…What-"
"Ho!"
It was as if the room was doused in something heavy, the air feeling like a burn on their skin.
The breeze, no, the mesh-like substance, intangible yet felt at the same time, centered around Cale. The redhead himself was expressionless, his gaze sharp, but there was no hint of any anger or annoyance on his face that they could feel in the atmosphere.
'Is it that power?'
The Dominating Aura, that was. Choi Han clicked the scabbard once, thinking back to the warmth he had felt many times, compared to the tense air he breathed in now.
It didn't hurt him, for some reason. While the others, mostly individuals unrelated to Cale, were having trouble keeping their balance, Choi Han and Alberu were mostly unaffected. They did realise the change in air, but it was only that much. It felt safe near Cale, more than anything.
'It can't be that.'
The Dominating Aura didn't work like this, not unless Cale commanded it either. Choi Han met Alberu's gaze, understanding that the other had reached the same conclusion.
In the next moment, their gazes immediately went to Cale, eyeing his figure for any spots of blood or any signs of sickness.
'Hmm…'
"…?"
The redhead met their gazes, tilting his head at the sudden attention.
"Is something wrong, your highness?"
Alberu laughed inwardly at the polite tone before shaking his head. He heard Choi Han sigh in relief beside him, probably because Cale didn't look sick. They didn't understand the power or what the redhead had done, but it was fine as long as it didn't harm him in any way.
****
There was nothing like free kindness in this world, Cale had learned. If it wasn't without payment, it was a scam.
"…"
Cale blankly stared at the ceiling overhead.
He wasn't lying on the floor in the chill of December because he wanted to. The redhead had simply lost strength in his body after using Restraint in a recent battle.
'That bastard didn't tell me about this.'
The old voice he'd heard, explaining the power's restrictions as curtly as possible. He hadn't heard that his head would throb so badly he'd double over, or that his eyes would well up with blood instead of tears.
"…huff…huff…"
Even coughing up blood had been fine.
Instead, he had to now lie down with a weight so heavy over his chest he couldn't breathe.
Click
Cale stared unblinking in the dark, hearing footsteps approach near.
"…Young master?"
He closed his eyes just as he heard Ron's voice, slowly losing consciousness.
****
"Human."
The children noticed it even before the adults did.
"Hmm?"
A strange warmth would envelope them. Not the one from the redhead's soft gaze, but the atmosphere around. No, rather than warm, it was as if the air itself welcomed them whenever they stepped closer to the redhead or had meals with him.
It was ticklish at times, when he wiped the sauces off their faces. A pleasant aroma as if lingered, when they were simply having snacks with Cale.
"Hehe, it's because Cale nya likes us!"
"Of course, Hong. But don't tell him about this, I don't think he has noticed it yet."
"Huh? Isn't that the weak human's power? How can he use it without realising it?"
"Hmm…"
Ohn thought about it for a moment more, before shaking her head. She didn't understand the ancient powers already in Cale's possession, let alone something the redhead hadn't noticed himself.
"I'm not sure, nya."
"But if he's using it unconsciously, doesn't that mean he likes us a lot?"
"…!"
"…!"
The children's eyes lit up at the thought, giggles bursting forth.
"That's right! Human likes us very very much!"
"…Hm. It's probably how it is."
"Hehe, we should share this to grandpa Ron too nya!"
The children continued chatting eagerly amongst themselves, until a familiar warmth approached the trio.
Tap, tap
A fresh breeze reached them before they had even heard the redhead's voice.
"…What are you three doing huddled up?"
Tap
Annoyance was obvious both in his tone and expression.
The air surrounding them was only gentle.
"Your clothes are all dirty now."
Fwish-
The children looked at each before jumping straight at Cale.
"Human!"
"Cale nya!"
'…!'
"Oof."
The redhead briefly stumbled. It was good that Raon hadn't jumped into his arms as well, instead landing lightly over his head.
"Our human is very weak, but very great!"
Cale listened in confusion to what seemed to be praises and what were they going to tell Ron again?
'…whatever.'
It was fine as long as the children were having fun. Cale thought so, patting each of their heads gently.
****
Boooom-
Shwaaaa!
Cale raised his arms upfront, squinting his eyes from the constant debris. A familiar light shone and shielded his vicinity, covering his allies with a constant protection.
Booooom-
Kwaaang!
'This is bad.'
The redhead quickly started looking into records. It was something he had already tested before, so the act was natural by now.
'Okay, something annoying, something really annoying…'
Tens of hundreds of pages as if swirled in his sight, passing as soon they came. From the moment he'd gained this cursed ability till the end of his days as Kim Rok Soo, and even some memories as Cale.
"Haa…haa…"
His body heated to the extent that he wanted to tear out his skin.
Drip
Drip
Blood trickled down his nose, mixing with the one he had coughed up earlier.
"Cale-nim?"
Choi Han's startled voice shook him out of his daze. Cale blinked once, then took a quiet, deep breath.
Fwish
For a moment all noise stilled.
Cale's one arm hovered in the air, and the other twisted, clenched in a fist.
"Burst."
A simple word cut through the cacophony of the battlefield.
Fwish
Cale's arm shifted briefly, just the slightest bit.
And then-
Booooom!
Boooooooooom!
Kwaaaang-
"…!"
"…!"
A plethora of shrieks and deafening explosions in succession pierced the ears of each soul present there.
Dead mana rained from above.
It was from the golems who had all exploded in an instant after a wave from Cale's hand.
Shwaaaa-
Booom!
Boooom!
The same shield covered them, shielding them from the poisonous mana. Crimson thunderbolts rained down on the other side, obliterating the remains of golems and the dead mana that was left behind.
In an instant all of their gazes focused on the person standing in the middle of those thunderbolts. Enemies and allies alike stared, mostly in horror, at his figure.
'Hmm.'
Cale, unaware of the many gazes over him, focused ahead.
'Not bad.'
He knew the lethargy that would pull his body down later, and the agonising pain that would rack his head for days to come.
But it was fine.
If it meant that most of the enemy forces could perish with a single gesture of his arm, it was the best outcome in his mind.
"Cough…"
Cale felt something trickle down his nose, alongside the blood he had coughed up into his palm.
"…haa…"
It was tiring, but no one had died.
He could endure it easily, since the outcome was like that.
****
'Hmm...'
It was odd.
Using his emotions as a medium of sorts, Cale couldn't deny it felt more incongruent as time passed by.
Still-
'It's efficient.'
In some ways, even more than the ancient powers he already used. The after-effects were a bit severe, but the worst part of it was that the pain wouldn't go away with either the potions or the crybaby's help.
'Still, it's bearable.'
Cale wasn't someone unaccustomed to pain. He hated it more than anything, but if it was necessary, he supposed he could endure a bit. After all, he had already done so many times in the past, even before he had attained Instant.
Tap, tap
Still, something odd lingered.
A feeling of wrong, though he couldn't pinpoint why.
****
'Annoying...'
Cale blankly gazed at the ceiling overhead, a washcloth wrapped over his head.
He hadn't expected records to go as out of control as it had did earlier. It hadn't affected the battle, though the pain he felt anew was anything but relieving.
—Cale.
The redhead didn't reply, staring ahead.
He knew.
He knew he had to tell someone, or explain more than he had. But it wasn't necessary.
'It's just temporary.'
The pain was. He could endure it all too well.
Fwish
The washcloth over his head was annoying, and the tears soaking his shirt were, but in the end, Cale could hardly do anything.
Between losing an innocent's life and enduring a few hours of pain, there had never been a choice.
Cale was a trash.
He could not forget.
****
'Is this how it's supposed to be?'
Cale patted the child in his arms, mulling over the thought.
For some reason, he couldn't simply use the 'emotion' he wanted, at least not always. Was it because it was a passive skill, unconsciously working even without his will? Even when he recalled memories that were supposed to make him 'annoyed', the power would sometimes materialise differently.
'Hmm…'
Cale thought back to the wilted grass blades he'd seen briefly, after materialising Restraint in a recent battle. Unlike the destructive power he'd imagined, having recalled memories according to the same, the outcome went different than what he had expected.
If he had to name the emotion he had unexpectedly used-
'Sadness?'
It seemed appropriate to consider it as such. The power wasn't as destructive, but Cale had never felt as lethargic as he did in the week that followed. He'd stayed in his bed for entire days, not even having the energy to get up and eat something.
Pat, pat
Cale quietly watched Hong, who was curled around his arm fast asleep. He recorded the sight, even though many similar memories were already saved in his mind.
Pat, pat
'Then, does it decide the emotion itself?'
The power's original wielder had only explained that a suppressed emotion would mostly be used as a medium, so Cale had concluded that recalling memories to bring forth 'suppressed' emotions would work. And while it did work, the control was growing more unstable now. Not over the extent of the power, but the emotion it chewed on.
'Should I stop-'
Cale shook the thought away as soon as it came.
Nothing could compare to the overwhelming advantage Restraint offered, just a simple recollection of memories could save hundreds of lives.
'It's stupid to not use it.'
Cale ignored the voices of his ancient powers nagging him in his mind. In the end, they couldn't deny the many pros of the power either, and could only nag him about his deteriorating health.
****
"He's doing it again…"
Choi Han stared ahead with a similar grave expression on his face.
The redhead stood there, at the very front of the battlefield, so the shield stretched and covered their allies wholly. His face bore no expression, but both Rosalyn and Choi Han noticed the quiver in his arms. The children must've noticed the same, leaning closer to him than usual.
Boooooom-
"Let's end this quickly. So the young master doesn't have to be in pain again."
Choi Han nodded, feeling the change in air right then.
It was different.
Whooooosh
Click
Choi Han's grip on his sword tightened just as he parried another attack from a Bear.
Swoooosh-
It sounded as if the wind was wailing, the shrill of something murkier enveloping the area, dousing it in its heaviness.
"…!"
It was painful.
Choi Han felt his breath hitch at the feeling. It was as if the air itself was strangling his neck, the power so palpable.
'…is this what he meant?'
Choi Han met Rosalyn's gaze then. Her eyes held the same fear as him.
Cale had explained briefly just a few days ago about the basics of Restraint, something he'd found on a chance occurrence. They'd learned that the power fed on emotions, and mostly worked independent of Cale's own will.
He'd stepped in front of a flower pot and waved his hand lazily then, muttering the words.
'So if I use something like 'annoyance' or 'anger', this will happen.'
The petals had fallen off the flower in an instant, the branches wilting down to the soil.
And while the others had gaped at the scene, Cale himself had looked bored, not wanting to explain anything further.
Click
Booooom!
Ooooooong-
Swish!
Choi Han stepped over the debris, raising the black yong high in the sky.
Slash!
It wasn't simply sadness. The twist in his chest was as familiar as it could get.
'…grief?'
The air moved as if it were mourning. The trees nearby had all wilted, their leaves covering the corpses that lay all around.
"…!"
Kwaaaang-
But when the swordsman looked in Cale's direction, he could hardly feel anything. There was no expression on the redhead's face. His eyes were completely blank, to the extent that one would wonder if he was deep in concentration or simply spacing out.
Swish!
Boooooom!
'He's hurt.'
But Choi Han, who'd observed the redhead even longer after Choi Jung Soo's memories, could tell. Rosalyn and the children could as well, watching him blankly raise his arm to fortify the shield.
'He's in pain.'
A bead of blood trickled down out of the corner of Cale's eyes. It looked as if he was crying tears of blood.
Swish!
Kwaaaaang-
Choi Han's moves grew frantic the more he saw, and so did the red mana bursting forth in the air. There was no exchange of words needed. All they had to do was finish this quickly and take Cale back to safety.
****
It was a realisation that came too late.
"Cale-"
Slap!
"…!"
The redhead slapped Alberu's hand reaching for his shoulder, crouching down on the spot.
"Ugh…"
The entire vicinity stilled, mouths agape as they stared back and forth between the two.
Ron moved first.
"Young master."
Tap, tap
His steps were slow, careful.
There was blood pooling around Cale, the same still dripping down from where he'd clutched his head. They didn't need to see to know that he was bleeding from his eyes and nose again.
Tap
"Young master."
Ron slowly knelt in front of the redhead, outstretching his arm, but not touching the latter.
"It's your butler, Ron."
Alberu, whose arm had been slapped away, Lock and Choi Han, who'd rushed in right then to check on Cale, and Mary, who was standing beside Eruhaben.
All of them quietly watched, no, heard Cale's breath hitch, the sound as if tearing their hearts apart. Even against the background and bustle of the noise outside the tent, they could hear all too clearly how uneven and hasty the redhead's breaths were.
Fwish-
"Haa…haa…"
Ron didn't say anything afterwards. A good few minutes passed before Cale even raised his head, looking ahead.
"…Ron?"
Too weak. The voice was so weak it pained them. There was crimson and dust covering his face, his eyes tearing up with blood.
"…"
Fwish
Cale didn't react this time when the butler supported him, just before he could fall down with no strength to support his own body.
"Huff…huff…"
The pain was agonising. Because it was an after-effect of using Restraint rather than an actual injury, even crybaby couldn't heal him.
"Ugh-"
It hurt to breathe, but it hurt even more to hold it back. The air seemed to graze his insides, burning his lungs as it rushed in and out.
"Cough…"
Cale heard through the mess of his mind familiar voices, quieter now, mixed at points and mostly incomprehensible. He tried to focus more on the hand patting his back, the warmth he leaned against, more than the throb in his head and the records which had gone out of control again.
"Huff…huff…"
Years of misery and nearly 10 minutes of the usage.
No one had died.
Cale repeated that in his mind, until the moment he lost consciousness from the blood loss.
****
It was a late realisation, but it was something ingrained in the minds of his allies now, his loved ones.
If the output was too much they'd immediately check on the redhead, even in the midst of a battle.
There was something about it too, how having Cale lean against someone he was familiar with worked better than panicking at the amount of blood he was losing, all too quickly. How they had to say their names sometimes, something the redhead could recognise, before approaching close.
It was as if his memories were jumbled afterwards, the present and the past a blur. Cale didn't understand it himself, so they could only help with what they noticed made him feel better.
Such as the time the redhead didn't remember using his power, let alone how and where he had fainted later. No one around him had disclosed it to Cale, not even Ron. The fact that he had teared up right before fainting, a mix of blood and something else dripping down his face, something he didn't remember doing at all.
It was the only thing they could do.
The benefits were there, yes, but in the end, it was only Cale who suffered.
Perhaps the fact that the redhead didn't even mind it was what stung the most.
****
Tap, tap
Cale blankly traced back the edges of something hazy, the past spreading as an acrid taste over his tongue.
Restraint didn't work on White Star.
Rather, the effect was so meagre it was rendered useless, but in large scale battles consisting of bears and cats and black mages, it was a power he preferred using even more than the fiery thunderbolts.
Tap, tap
As such, he'd discovered a loophole around the same.
It was annoying and distracting to have to recall specific memories in between battle, when he was commanding and observing and defending all at the same time, and just around then when fatigue had started weighing on his eyes, Cale found a loophole.
"Rok Soo-yah."
It was so absurd it made him laugh.
He was using the deaths of his teammates now to aid him in battle the upcoming day.
Tap, tap
Cale blankly tapped the armrest, thinking of more. It wasn't hard to do. His life as Kim Rok Soo was such, that it wasn't hard to find annoying memories.
"Hey, rookie, don't you know what the Team Leader's motto is?"
The records consisted of smiles and chatter and useless talks of farming. The records were happy, if anything. It felt as if something was strangling him, knocking the breath out of his lungs.
"Rok Soo."
"Don't you know?"
"You were the one who was supposed to die."
"Being alive is the best."
"I'll farm next to Team Leader's orchard."
"Choi Jung Soo was supposed to live."
"It's not your fault."
"Rok Soo."
"Rest if you're overloaded."
"Here's the status report."
"Why don't you listen to your hyung, hm?"
"Please collect their bodies."
"Our youngest."
Tap, tap
Cale quietly closed his eyes, feeling his breath fade away with the wind.
An entire night passed doused in an endless void.
The next day, there were corpses all around. No one from Cale's side had died.
Bears, black mages, Arm soldiers and reinforcements from the Eastern continent.
Not a single soul was left standing, half of them had escaped out of pure terror.
And then, afterwards, a week.
Cale didn't wake up for a week, and when he did, it was as if he had died.
****
Hardly anyone was to blame, and that was the most frustrating fact.
When Cale woke up it was as if his emotions had disappeared, and not just his memories.
"Raon," he'd mutter, mechanically patting the head of the child tearing up. There was no emotion in his tone, only emptiness.
If it wasn't for Ron continuously reminding him, almost supporting him to the table himself, they felt certain the redhead would've starved himself until forever.
Cale would sit and lean on the couch, staring out the window for an entire day. It was different from before, when he used to space out and fall asleep patting Ohn and Hong. It was as if he had been left there, like his body was simply too heavy for him to get up, so the redhead had stilled, not quite asleep, not awake either.
Nothing really worked.
No jokes did, no chatter of his children enough to shake him out of his daze. The golden plaque would only sit at the table, untouched by any eager hands.
A week passed like that, in an emptiness that was almost tangible.
And suddenly, as if nothing had ever happened, Cale was back to his usual self.
"Raon? What's wrong?"
Not remembering the state he had lived in at all.
****
It was despairing at first, the slow realisation that to use 'suppressed' emotions in the first place, there had to be pain someone would bottle up, feelings they would keep to themselves all the time.
It was too bitter to accept, but when they noticed Cale, sitting empty-eyed yet again, it wasn't that hard.
Cale was that sort of person. If it meant ensuring their safety, there were hardly any limits he wouldn't cross—as long as it all affected his own body alone.
But was it because of this?
The fact that not expressing anything meant not hiding anything either?
It was relieving as much as it was painful to accept, the helplessness of their own inaction.
The days would pass and Cale would return back to his usual smirks and snarkiness, and for now, for now, it was the only thing they could comfort themselves with.
****
Restraint was addictive—Cale had realised this no longer than two months after he had started using the same.
No, to be precise, diving deeper into records was, using his emotions more as a tool and a fountain to be emptied, than something he had to feel at all.
Emptiness was an ache in itself, but Cale couldn't stop.
He didn't wish to, either.
That had been, until one night just before another battle, Ron had found the redhead staring at the ceiling, his body ice cold.
The butler hadn't understood, even later.
But after that one incident, Ron had never let Cale stay alone right before any conflicts, even if he had to send the children to accompany him.
Cale didn't realise it was intentional, but since it was Ohn and Hong and Raon, he let it be. Records weren't something he liked, anyway. Using Restraint and using his own emotions was an addiction, yes, but it wasn't something Cale couldn't quit.
The odd feeling only lingered for a few more days, later replaced by the chatter of his children in the dull of night after everyone had fallen asleep.
****
Tap, tap
"Cale."
A scrunch in the redhead's brows answered him back.
"Your highness."
"Hyung."
"Yes. Hyung-nim."
Alberu shook his head at the latter's obviously disgruntled expression. Cale didn't sit up from where he was sprawled over the couch, only glancing at him briefly.
"Did you miss me?"
"Did you hit your head?"
"Haaa..."
Clink
Alberu chuckled and served himself tea, knowing the redhead wouldn't budge from his spot unless either Ron or the children asked him to.
A soft breeze greeted him in the room, even when the bushes outside barely moved. His body felt light, the aroma as sweet as spring.
'Is this what the children were talking about?'
Alberu held the tea cup as he observed Cale lost in some book.
A smile flickered across his face, as he shook his head again.
'What a troublesome dongsaeng...'
That part of Cale hadn't changed even once.