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"Can't breathe, vision's gettin' blurry now
Nosebleed, never been so worried.." He needed to get to the nearest room quickly. His body keeps walking without him thinking,he doesn't like this as his breaths keep getting caught in his throat. This isn't the time.. This isn't the time, God-dam- darn it! He goes in a nearby dark closet,falling to his knees as he sweats and shakes. He clutches his fingers on the ground as he hears ringing noises,tears threatened to fall,telling himself to get his shit together.
"No. Not like this. Pull yourself together,Abel. Come on. Anyone can see you..if they open this door.."
"How'm I s'posed to handle this pressure?" His voice breaks,"How am I s'posed to fill his halo? " He cries out in half a whisper and a yell. Haha... He's just being dramatic, right?.. Just need to grow a pair.
He gasps loudly.
fuck..Not enough air.
His fingers trembled as he quickly reached for his pale yellow marching band attire. Yellow epaulets, golden buttons with pink straps and trim, and sleeves that fade from yellow to pale yellow. He fumbles as he tries to get something off. A cry of frustration comes from him,god can't he do anything right?! He hides into his hands,closing his eyes tightly. Nothing was coming to him,there were no thoughts or emotions, but the sounds of ringing were still there.
Too many thoughts at once now.
How could he have been so weak?
'I never liked that kid. You're the son i should have left for dead..' His father's voice taunts in his head.
'Caine was stronger,Caine was Adam's favorite.'
'The exorcist don't follow you ,Lute doesn't follow your commands.'
This was hell! How could he be the leader of heaven now? Why does he have to fix this mess he never created?
He's practically a joke in heaven, it seems like to him. He's worthless and a coward! He won't be surprised if he gets demoted next week or next month. What happens if- No...calm down... "Abel take deep breaths",he tells himself.
Inhaling deeply as sounds slowly coming back as he exales.He keeps his eyes closed, giving it a minute or so. He's open his eyes,he was alittle shakey",I'm okay.. You're okay, Abel.. Good vibes.." He looks down at his messy clothes he tried to take off minutes ago and fixes them,straightening out any wrinkles as best as he could. He wipes his face with his sleeve, and then He sluggishly gets up,walking to the door and resting his head on it for a minute.
"It's gonna be okay. I'm okay.. I'm alright." he mutters ,reaching for the handle
,opening the door to see the brightness of the other side where there are some angels walking by in a hurry,not passing a glance to him, or just didn't know he was there. Abel quietly walks the large halls that have white pillars on each side of him as he glances around nervously like always as doors open and close in the distance. He zones out for a minute, it seems,it feels like he's out of place in heaven. A puzzle piece that won't fit no matter how hard you try. Everyone seemed so happy,don't get him wrong. He's happy ..to an extent. Till someone has to bring up his dad hating him or reminds him he's supposed to be a leader. His decision always ends in collisions, and people are never happy with the outcome, no matter how hard he tries. He snaps back to reality,he's outside that's filled with angels having a good time. They fly around and laugh,some eating lunch and some just taking in the sights of heaven that they've seen repeatedly. Some talk and walk while others have study sessions.
Wait?..
What was he doing? Oh yeah.. he had to meet up with his good friends for a daily smoothie date or meeting or something. He forgets what St.Pete and Emily called it, but basically, they get smoothies at this one place and talk about their week. He loved them both and appreciated what they had done for him and his sanity. He goes into a colorful shop that reads Michael's Smoothies,immediately hearing Emily's voice greeting him as she waves at him along with Peter. He forces a smile,waving as he goes twords them. Like he didn't have a break down five minutes ago or something.
"Hey guys! Hope you didn't wait long." He chuckles awkwardly,taking a seat.
The two of course notice "You good?" Peter asked, concerned,mouth in a frown as his brows knitted together.
"Yeah,what's going on?" Emily encourages,resting her hand on Abel's.
"Well haha..." He laughs nervously", Earlier umm... Lute was basically berating me for the usual. How I'm too soft and yeahhh I had panic attack in a closet. But! I'm fine now,don't worry!" He tries to ease their minds.
"Dude,you're literally her boss! Don't let her walk all over you!" Peter's quick to answer.
"Yeah! Me and Sera will also speak to Lute. We'll make sure she won't cause any more problems. " Emily chimes in.
"It's okay, guys,really! No need to do this."
"No, this isn't right, Abel!" .
So much for his sanity,he thinks, he hates confliction and any unnecessary drama.
"It's... fine,relax." He tries to calm them plus there's other people in the store, so he definitely doesn't need an audience to watch this all go down.
"It's not!" Rebuttals Emily.
The blonde male was silent before speaking quietly. ".. I know, but please drop it?"
His two friends stared in slient before looking at each other,"Fine.." Emily said, defeated,gritting her teeth. The three sat in silence,It was kinda awkward, and the tension was there, so Abel decided to try to make some jokes here and there or tell stories. It didn't go as planned, just like his life. The response was either met by silence or a force half ass laugh. He sighed,looking down at his drink. "I'm sorry guys.. I didn't mean to bring bad vibes with me. I'm usually so much better."The blonde felt guilty.
"You're being to hard on yourself, Abes. You've done nothing wrong!" Peter reassures his friend.
"How about this,wait, are you busy after this?" Emily suddenly stops herself from making plans.
Abel sighs,nodding his head. "Yeah.. I got some stuff to do. I gotta go talk to the girls and Sera about our next course of action.." he lies. He didn't want to, but right now, he felt exhausted and didn't wanna hang out tonight till like midnight.
His friend's frowns deepen, but they understood nonetheless.
"That's alright! Maybe next time!" Peter smiles sadly,sipping his drink.
"Yeah, there's always a next time!" Emily with hope in her voice.
"I know... i literally just got here but I think i have to go. I need to clear my head alittle. " He quietly says as his two best friends stand up,quickly giving him a tight bear hug.
"We're here for you,Abes." Peter whispered.
"Always! If you need anything don't hesitate to ask!" Emily adds.
"Thank you,both of you." Abel breaks the hug,saying his goodbye before leaving.
He sighs as he makes his way back to his place,turning the lights on then flopping his face first into his soft bed. He groans tiredly before rolling on his back,staring at the ceiling for what seemed like hours. He then forces himself to get up,going to his bathroom, and looks in the mirror. He looked even more exhausted, and you could tell he's been crying,"How embarrassing..." he mumbles,turning on the faucet and splashing some water on his face. Turning the water off as he grabs a towel,dries his face,then leaves the bathroom.
"Maybe tomorrow will be a better day..."