Chapter Text
“But Doctor, surely we could-”
The Doctor repeats himself more firmly. “Goodbye, Jamie.” He holds out his hands, waiting for what? A handshake? For Jamie to simply accept this! No. Jamie shakes his head. No!
“No Doctor.” He shakes his head furiously. Taking the Doctor’s hands in his own, he squeezes them. “I’m not leaving you!”
“Jamie!” The Doctor’s brows furrow as he looks desperately from Jamie to the Time Lords behind him. “He’s confused!”
“Nae, I’m not!” Jamie’s grip tightens on the Doctor. He clings to the sleeves of that long, black coat. When the Doctor’s eyes meet his, Jamie refuses to look away. He chose to go away with the Doctor. He stayed when Polly, Ben, and even Victoria left! It’s been the two of them for so long. Jamie doesn’t want that to end. The adventures, the strange beasties he’s seen, the moments where he could have died, the times where the Doctor would have if not for him! It was all worth it because they went through it all together. The Doctor had quickly become the most important person in Jamie’s life, and Jamie keeps him safe!
What would he do without him?
“Jamie please!” The Doctor begs, pulling his hands away from the highlander.
Jamie balls his fists up as he shakes his head. He can feel his hair flying a little with each sudden move. He turns towards the Time Lords, standing tall, arms at his sides but ready to fight. “They’ll have to kill me first!”
A hand grabs the back of his shirt. There’s an attempt to pull him back, but Jamie stands his ground. “Jamie!” The Doctor says his name harshly, an admonishment for using such language.
“Me too!” Zoe agrees, stepping closer to Jamie. She places her slight body just behind his. Standing with him between the Time Lords and their Doctor.
“Zoe! Not you too!” The Doctor shakes his head and rounds the two, stepping directly in the path between Jamie and the Time Lords. Zoe could get clear past should she want to, but Jamie and the Doctor both know that between the two of them she’s not the one who will go charging in. “That’s enough of that sort of talk!” He lets out a huff of air and looks from Jamie’s face to Zoe’s. “No one is going to die,” and then he mutters, as if unable to help himself, “aside from myself.”
“What?” Jamie’s voice is barely a whimper.
Zoe’s voice carries much farther, “You can’t die Doctor!”
It was as if the whole world had gone mad. The Doctor? Dead? Jamie could feel his face grow red from rage as his nostrils flared. “They cannae kill you!” He glares at the Time Lords, but the other men seem completely unfazed. They have no idea how close they’re getting to meet their makers. “They’ll ‘ave to kill me if they want to get to ye.”
“No, no they will not.” The Doctor presses the flats of his hands on the front of Jamie’s shoulders. “They won’t kill you, they’re going to kill me!” His stern expression melts into a softer one. He understands; of course he does.
Jamie’s face falls. His body starts to shake. The Doctor moves his hands down Jamie’s shoulders until he reaches the other man’s wrists, and then they move back up. Offering comfort, because that’s what the Doctor does. He’s the kindest, gentlest, warmest soul Jamie knows.
Zoe practically throws herself into the Doctor’s left side. She buries her face into his coat. Didn’t matter. They both had already seen her tears. The Doctor removes one hand from Jamie to wrap around the girl. He starts to rub her arm too, pressing her closer to him.
“Now, now, my dear Zoe. Everything will be alright.” He removes his other hand from Jamie’s arm. Jamie bites his lip to keep from whimpering again.
The Doctor wraps his arms around Zoe, one hand on the back of her head as he leans his own on top of hers. “It will all be alright. You’re going home, and I,” he sighs. An overly fond smile on his face as he kisses the top of her head. “I’m staying here.”
Her sobs lighten into silent tears as she rubs at her face, allowing the Doctor to hold and console her. Yet Jamie remains still. Simply standing there, left staring, and repeating his question.
“What?” He gets no answer. Jamie stands there, slack-jawed, dazed, and very much certain that this is not alright. Nothing will be alright. His eyes land on the three Time Lords standing in the back of the room. Not if they kill the Doctor. He turns towards them again. The other Time Lords. “You can’t kill the Doctor! You can’t! He’s done nothing wrong!”
His feet charge forward, ready to carry him into yet another battle. Just as they had done in Culloden. Instead of for his Laird and Bonnie Prince Charles, this time he’d fight for the Doctor.
He comes to a halt as the Doctor leaps from Zoe’s hold to tackle Jamie head-on. Both of his arms wrap around the younger man’s waist, as he presses his head against Jamie’s chest. No doubt he could hear Jamie’s heartbeat, wild like a drum of war. Beating and ready to bleed to keep him safe.
“They can’t kill you!” Jamie raises his hands, ready to fight. “I won’t let them!”
“It’s different, Jamie.” The Doctor lifts his head.
“How?” Jamie asks, barely glancing down because he can’t. He can’t risk looking at the Doctor and folding. Not when so much is on the line. He has to save him! Yet the Doctor doesn’t seem to care about saving himself at all! “How can ye be calm when they’re talkin’ of killin’ ye!”
Zoe stands back, watching the two of them. “You haven’t done anything wrong!” She shouts.
Exactly! He hasn’t done anything!
“I know.” The Doctor looks back at Zoe with an apologetic grin. Then he turns and reaches up to hold Jamie’s face. Immediately Jamie presses his cheeks into the Doctor’s palms. He raises his own hands, laying them over the Doctor’s. The Doctor lowers his hands, carrying Jamie’s face along with them. Jamie shuts his eyes. “Look at me Jamie.”
He can’t. He won’t! If he does, then the Doctor’s as good as dead.
The Doctor runs his thumbs under Jamie’s eyes. A wetness spreads beneath them. He must be crying. Embarrassment flushes his cheeks, but he’s sure no one can tell. Not when he’s already been so mad. Whatever dangers they had faced. Jamie had never cried before. He never needed too because Jamie knew they would always be okay, but now. How could anything be okay, now?
“Jamie,” the Doctor practically sings his name. So patient and understanding.
Even if Jamie tried he couldn’t avoid looking at the Doctor forever. Not if this is the last time he may ever see him.
He looks down at the Doctor. Soft green eyes, and a warm, caring grin.
“There you are,” he whispers, sounding proud.
How is he smiling like that!? How can he, when Jamie has let him down? Jamie told him to call the Time Lords. Jamie said they would be alright, but the Doctor knew better, because he always knows. Even if he can’t steer the TARDIS, or remember where he set his sonic screwdriver down, or recall the name of a particularly annoying individual.
Jamie’s hands clench in the Doctor’s clothes. “I can’t lose you! I won’t!” He throws his head forward, laying it against the Doctor’s left shoulder. “I won’t.” He repeats over and over even as his tongue goes numb and his eyes are irritated from all the tears. He pitifully rubs his face over the Doctor’s shoulder.
The Doctor rests one hand on Jamie’s back, right between his shoulder blades. Where the Doctor’s hand always goes when he’s steadying Jamie. The other buries itself into Jamie’s hair. He tugs gently, the pressure grounding.
“I can’t lose you,” Jamie repeats, his throat sore.
He may have left if he hadn’t found out the Doctor would be killed. He’d have gone home, waiting for the Doctor to come back around, however long it may take so they could save more people together.
If he goes now then none of that will happen.
The Doctor would be gone.
“It doesn’t work that way.” The Doctor begins rubbing soft circles with his fingers between Jamie’s shoulder blades. The loose black shirt he has on, shifts with the movement, easily led astray. If it wasn’t for the fact he has it tucked beneath his kilt, Jamie’s whole shirt would rise up.
Jamie lets more of his weight sink into the Doctor’s hold. “How does it work?”
“Well, I would regenerate.”
“Regenerate?” Zoe repeats.
Jamie’s fists tighten around the Doctor’s shirt. He doesn’t like the sound of that word.
“Yes,” The Doctor tries to turn, but he can merely lean Jamie to the side a little more. “Well, it’s something my people do.”
“He shall be given a new life.” One of the Time Lords added. If Jamie could, he would throttle them, but that would mean letting go of the Doctor.
“My face and personality would change.” The Doctor goes on. Jamie presses his chest against the Doctor’s. “I’d still be me but different.”
“Why?”
“I broke their laws.” The Doctor explains, and he doesn’t have to say anymore. They know. He already told them.
His people are cruel. Cruel and evil, of this Jamie is certain. They should have kept running away forever.
“He will be exiled to Earth, during a time of our choosing. Only able to use the TARDIS when we allow it.”
Zoe gasps. She’s right to be worried. That’s the worst thing Jamie has ever heard. The Doctor wouldn’t be happy like that. He needs to run free, through time and space, even if he can’t choose where to go or when.
“When you made your case you highlighted how you had been fighting against the evil of the universe. Should you make the case, we may permit these humans to join you.”
“Really?” Jamie clings to the hope in The Doctor’s voice.
“Perhaps.”
The Doctor places his hands on Jamie’s shoulder, giving the man a gentle shove. Jamie leans back, but doesn’t let go of him. He glares at the Time Lords, as The Doctor turns his head to look at them. Jamie lets go of the Doctor’s shirt and wraps his arms fully around him. The Doctor twists in his hold. Jamie doesn’t stop him.
“I can very much make a case!” The Doctor announces as he presses his fingertips together enthusiastically. “Zoe is brilliant. Almost as brilliant as I am, and her intelligence is often a great boon in thwarting villains!”
Smarts. That’s what she has. But they’re both smarter than Jamie. He’s not stupid, not like people think he is, but the Time Lords might think otherwise.
“And Jamie here is fiercely loyal.”
One of the Time Lords lifts his head, as if to say, ‘we can see that’. Good. If they didn’t understand that then there would be no convincing them. He’d have to throttle them.
“His out of the box thinking has saved Zoe and I on several occasions.”
“Aye,” Jamie nods. “I keep them safe.”
“So it would appear.” The Time Lords can mock him all they want. He will not go. The Time Lords continue, “He appears inclined to violence, which is against our beliefs.”
The doctor glances back, and Jamie doesn’t miss the way he curls his lips in, trying to think of a way to convince them with that silver tongue of his. They aren’t wrong though, Jamie is the one who fights for the doctor, and Zoe. Just as he had fought for Victoria, Polly, and Ben.
He’ll keep fighting, if that’s what they need!
“Yes, but he’s very good at listening,” The Doctor starts, and the Time Lord to the left raises his brows, and seems to want to scoff. Jamie glares at him. “Besides they are, Jamie and Zoe are,” he places a hand on top of Zoe’s head. “they’re,” he turns his head sideways and Jamie knows The Doctor is looking at him. He’s watching him, despite refusing to turn his head all the way around. Those green eyes almost look blue as they glisten.
“They’re-” Jamie has never seen the Doctor so near tears. “They’re-”
We’re family, Jamie thinks. With a knowing smile, the Doctor watches Jamie. He doesn’t say a word but Jamie can almost hear the Doctor say, ‘Yes, that’s exactly right’.
“They’re very important to me.” The Doctor finishes, looking back at the Time Lords. With newfound confidence, he declares, “Any dangers that may be on Earth could be dealt with even faster with them by my side!”
The Time Lord in the middle, who seems to be the one in charge, speaks up again, “But they are not of that time. How can we be sure they will not break the universe?”
“Well, they haven’t yet, have they?” The Doctor questions, standing a little taller. His shoulder collides with Jamie’s chin. The Highlander lifts his head a tad more.
The Timelord in the front narrows his eyes. Clearly not appreciating that answer. “We’ll follow your rules!” Jamie declares, tired of this. “If you let us stay with him, we’ll do as you say.”
The middle Timelord looks back at the two behind him. “Very well Doctor, you have made your point. We shall allow your companions to continue their travels with you, so long as you all follow our rules.”
“We will!” The Doctor promises. Then he pats Zoe’s back and finally turns to meet Jamie’s gaze. He nods curtly.
“Yes we’ll follow the rules!” Zoe quickly promises.
Jamie, at first confused, now realizes what the Doctor wants. “Aye,” he begins, then looks over at the Time Lords and continuously nods. “Aye we will! You have my word as a McCrimmon.”
“That will have to do.” The head Time Lord gives one elegant nod. Then his eyes focus back onto The Doctor. Jamie’s arms tighten around him. The Doctor’s smile falters, and the light within his eyes flickers like a lit candle being snuffed out. “Now Doctor, it is time for you to face your regeneration.”
“I know.” The Doctor hangs his head. He moves to slip free of Jamie’s hold, and the piper holds onto him tighter. The Doctor sighs. “Jamie. I must go.”
“Why? Why do ye ‘ave to go when we’re getting to stay?”
“Oh Jamie.” The Doctor hangs his head, shaking it slowly.
He’s so quick to accept this, but all it took was a few words and the Time Lords are letting them stay! Why isn’t he arguing? Why not try to escape? Why can’t they just run!
The Doctor twists in Jamie’s hold, until he’s facing the other man. His eyes are sad, and yet his smile is comforting. “Ah.” he begins looking for the words to convince Jamie to let him go. Not this time. Jamie can’t let him leave. He’ll die. The Doctor shuts his mouth then places his hands on the outer sides of Jamie’s upper arms. “Oh my dearest Jamie, I have to go.”
“Why?”
“Everyone must.” The Doctor averts his gaze, smiling down at Zoe. “Time is relative,” he nods, having convinced himself “so in some sense this moment, and all the others we’ve had are forever happening.”
When his eyes meet Jamie’s again, the highlander notices the deep sadness within. Ben and Polly had once said that the Doctor changed. Was this regeneration thing what did it?
“Ye regenerated before, didn’t ye?”
“Aye, I did.” The Doctor admits, sounding a little too much like Jamie. It was done to make him feel better, but Jamie’s chest tightens. The Doctor puffs out his cheeks. “Oh don’t look like that.” He once again rubs Jamie’s arms. “I’ll be back. It’ll be a different me. One whose personality, and appearance will be completely different, but me all the same. I’ll still have all of our memories.” Another smile.
Jamie wishes he was as strong and clever as the doctor. If he was then they wouldn’t have to go through this.
“Just go to the TARDIS and wait.” The Doctor’s gaze falls again. He blinks, then forces himself to look back at Jamie. “You’ve done that a hundred times before!”
Lifting his hands from the Doctor’s waist, Jamie hangs onto his arms. “Never without ye.”
“Well, I don’t know about that!” The Doctor declares, some of his whimsy returning to him. Glib and witty, even now. As mischievous as a fairy, he is. Just like all the fairies Jamie had pictured when he listened to his gran’s warnings. He knew the rules: leave them food away from the house, never step into a fairy circle, and never ever give them your name.
Every rule lies broken at The Doctor’s feet.
With a soft chuckle, The Doctor looks back down at where Jamie hangs onto his arms. “Now I have to go, but-” he exhales. “Please take care of the new me.” His wet eyes meet Jamie’s again. “He may be confused or lost. He’ll need someone to help him as he discovers who he is, or perhaps who she is.”
“She?”
The Doctor smiles. “I don’t get to choose this time, Jamie.”
The Doctor as a lady, well he did say anything could happen, but Jamie struggles to wrap his head around it. Will whoever joins them on the TARDIS truly be The Doctor?
How could they be?
“Now,” he pats Jamie’s arms. “Time to go.” He wiggles free of Jamie’s hold, and slips his arms away. Jamie clings to The Doctor’s sleeves. He tilts his head forward, seemingly amused by Jamie.
The Doctor pulls away fully, and claps Jamie and Zoe on their backs. He walks them over to the TARDIS. For a moment Jamie’s hopes fly! Maybe he’ll jump in with them, and they can try to make their escape again! That hope was quickly cut down as the Doctor pats their backs.
“Just wait here, there you go.” Zoe steps inside the TARDIS’ doorway. “Thank you, Zoe, my dear.” Then he turns and looks at Jamie. “Jamie.”
How can that be the last time Jamie will ever hear him say his name?
“It won’t be.” The Doctor reassures him. “It’s just the last time you’ll hear this version of me say your name,” he tilts his head from one shoulder to the next. “Well, we’ll see.”
Flaming the hope within Jamie’s chest again. How cruel. Jamie surges forward, hugging the doctor. “I won’t forget you.”
“I know.” The Doctor hugs him back. “Thank you,” he whispers into Jamie’s ear.
Once again, the Doctor pulls himself out of Jamie’s hold. He crosses the room, meeting the other Time Lords. Jamie stands in the TARDIS’ doorway, hoping, begging, for this to be a nightmare.
“They’re really going to do it.” His voice is a whisper, barely more than a ghost’s mutter. The Doctor disappears beyond a door on the far side of the room, slipping away beyond Jamie’s grasp.
“Come on Jamie.” Zoe wraps her arms around his and tugs him in. “The Doctor will want us ready to go.”
“Will he?” Jamie asks, but he lets Zoe tug him into the TARDIS. Their home. His home. “We don’t know what he’ll be like! Ye heard him yerself!”
“Don’t be mean, Jamie!” Zoe releases him and quickly takes a step back. She raises her head, her nostrils flaring, eyes watering. “I’m upset too!”
Guilt drowns his despair. “Och, course you are.” Jamie steps closer. Zoe turns away, crossing her arms. Her shoulders shake as the tears begin to fall again. “I’m sorry, Zoe.”
Jamie holds out his arms. “Really I am.”
She shakes her head, going silent. Not ten seconds later she turns, sobbing loudly and falling into his arms. “It’ll be alright. The Doctor said it would be. He’s never wrong.” Uselessly, he repeats himself for several minutes as he holds her, rubbing her head. Her wailing continues.
Is this how they’ll spend the rest of their lives? Will he ever see the Doctor smile at him again? Crying without end? Who knows if the Time Lords will keep their words or not.
Jamie doesn’t trust them. Anyone trying to punish someone for saving lives is a villain. Of that, he’s sure.