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“I wish you were dead!” Purple shouted in rage at Red, leaving the rest of the crewmates in the room stunned. They all exchanged uncomfortable glances at each other as Purple stammered, trying to figure out the words to recover. They didn’t mean it… they don’t think they did, at least? So many crewmates had died, and the way that the captain was handling it didn’t feel appropriate in Purple’s eyes.
This was the last straw for Red. “Purple, that’s enough! This is your captain speaking.” Red said sternly, settling into the captain position more than they had ever before. “We’re splitting into groups and fixing our ship.” They instructed Yellow, Cyan, and Black to go to Electrical to fix the lights, and Green, Purple, and Brown to stay in the oxygen room to wait for them to input the code on the keypad in Admin– essentially putting Purple in time-out. Purple protested, but Red was firm.
Red walked towards the door, then whipped back around and added, “I am good at being captain, okay?” They looked directly at Purple. “And I’m good at being alive. And I’m especially good at being both at once.” Red huffed and stormed out the door before pivoting around a second time and shouting “NO BIGGIE!” with enough force that it knocked the rest of the crew off their stubby feet. They quickly scurried away up the hall towards Weapons.
Purple sighed and plopped down on the floor, averting eye contact with the other crewmates in the room. Brown simply shook their head at the security guard, murmuring judgement, while Green sank into their hoodie and slinked on top of a vent in the room for a breeze or something… Green raised their finger like they were about to speak up, then dropped it quickly, “Never mind. Maybe later.”
The violet crewmate glared at Brown, “You’ve got something to say, say it.”
“Mm-mm. Nothing.”
“That’s what I thought.”
Green raised their hand again, but Purple and Brown shot them a look. “Okay. Uh, later then!”
“You guys know I didn’t mean it, right?” Purple sputtered, “I mean I don’t like Red and they really piss me off, but I don’t wish they were dead! I don’t wish for anybody’s death!”
“We just killed Orange for being an alien that killed White, Blue, and Lime. What do we know anymore?” Brown furrowed their brow and turned their body away.
“We know that no one else is going to die!” Green pumped their fist across their chest, “Unless Purple kills Red…”
“I am not going to kill Red!” Purple slouched against the wall and covered their face with their hands.
- · ─ ඞ ─ · ·
Red stomped through the dim cafeteria. “Stupid Purple. I don’t care what they think. Or I shouldn’t. Or maybe I should? Captains should listen to their crew, but Purple is… Purple, so that cancels out. Yeah.” They kicked a crumpled-up piece of paper out of their way and grabbed a pizza crust off of the table and began eating it.
A blue color popped out at them on the crumpled paper from the corner of their visor. Curious, Red picked it up and unfolded it, shaking pizza grease off their hands. It was one of the drawings of Blue the crew made while deprived of oxygen. Green’s horrible stick figure. A few feet away was Yellow’s drawing that just looked like a circle with a tadpole on top of it. Then beside that one was Purple’s, which looked like absolutely nothing there is a word to describe it with.
Red set the crust on a table and sat down, going through all the horrible drawings of their deceased friend. Truthfully, they didn’t even know Blue long enough to necessarily be considered friends. They met at the mission briefing hours before takeoff. They had known Blue for just over 30 hours before they were brutally murdered by Orange, who they knew for a few years and was apparently an alien!
“I don’t know how any of this happened. This was supposed to be a simple shipment and now four crewmates are dead, and it kind of feels a little bit like my fault.” This was the first time Red had admitted this. The lightless cafeteria where White died and Orange was ejected had an overwhelmingly gloomy aura to it that brought out the guilt Red tried so desperately to push down. It felt like the dead crewmates were standing in there, staring at the captain with judgement. “I’m trying so hard to be a good captain, but every choice I’ve made feels like it was wrong. Maybe Lime wouldn’t be dead if I told everyone about aliens in the first place. Or maybe if I did, Orange would’ve killed everybody on the spot.”
After sitting with that silence for a few moments, Red cleared their throat and got up, “Oh, right. Better put the code on the keypad before the rest of us die of oxygen deprivation.”
Before leaving the cafeteria, they took one last look around the room. They really felt a presence in the room, like something from another world. “Listen, I don’t know if you guys are still here with us and can hear me, but if you are– I’m… I’m sorry.” They removed their hat and held it in their hands, trading it for a solemn expression. “I’m doing everything I can to be a good captain for all of you and the rest of the crew. Even Purple.”
The captain put their hat back on and ran out of the cafeteria into Admin. It felt like a weight had been lifted and they had more peace of mind. Maybe the deceased crewmates could hear Red’s guilt.
Red entered the Admin office and walked up to the keypad, inputting all the numbers written on the sticky note attached: 5-4-3-2-1. The light on the keypad lit up, sending a signal to the control panel in O2 for them to finish the reset. “There. Now all I have to do is trust that Purple does their job for once and Yellow, Cyan, and Black can turn the lights on.” They dusted their hands off and reaffirmed, “I am a good captain.”
They approached the door, but then without warning it shut. “Huh.” The red astronaut pressed the button beside the door– nothing happened. “Okay, no biggie. They’re messing with things in Electrical; maybe they disconnected a wrong wire. The door will reopen any minute.”
Red stayed patient for about 5 seconds before they heard clanking in the vent in the corner of the room. “No biggie. No biggie. No biggie.” They aggressively pressed the button to open the door. Nothing.
The banging kept getting louder and closer. It began to sound like something climbing through. No biggie.
Red began to feel a sense of dread in the pit of their stomach, and sweat beaded down their forehead. “No biggie. No biggie. No biggie!” They kept repeating the phrase their captain’s handbook insisted was reassuring, but still didn’t feel one bit reassured. The captain was pinned to the wall, shaking in fear. Surely there wasn’t another alien impostor onboard the ship, right?
The vent door swung open, and in the darkness the figure that emerged looked like nothing more than a gigantic shadowy blob. It inched closer and closer to the red crewmate who was practically climbing the wall trying to escape death. “NO BIGGIE?!” Red held their hand out as if offering a truce to the shapeless creature.
The shadow was not receptive to the captain’s pleas. SQUELCH!
- · ─ ඞ ─ · ·
The lights came back on, and Purple inputted the other half of the code, successfully rebooting the oxygen system. The crewmates breathed a sigh of relief that oxygen was working as good as new, though Purple remained heartbroken over the death of their fishmate, Heracles, who was still belly-up.
When Black returned to O2 alone, they nearly scared the other crewmates half to death. “I thought you were an alien!” Green exclaimed.
“Hang on. Where is everyone else?” Purple stammered, “Where are Yellow and Cyan?”
“Oh, they got all huffy and said they’d take care of the lights themselves.” Black shrugged.
Green looked up at the fluorescent lights and beamed, “Well, it looks like they succeeded!”
Purple groaned, “No more splitting up!” They cut through the bickering and moved to the center of the group. “The oxygen system didn’t just break on its own–”
“THERE’S A SABATEUR ONBEURD!” Green interrupted– in a French accent, for some reason.
“Wait, what?” Black was perplexed. “What does that mean? Another impostor?”
“Mhm, and I know exactly who it is!” Purple tapped their palm with their fist. “It’s gotta be Red.”
“What’s gotta be Red?” Yellow suddenly appeared at the doorway of the room with Cyan meekly tagging behind.
All of the crewmates but Black yelled at their sudden appearance. “Oh, hey, Yellow. Cyan…”
Cyan avoided eye contact with the crewmate they used to call their partner. Black had treated them so horribly the entire trip, and they couldn’t take it anymore.
Purple paused, “Wait, you two aren’t dead?”
“Excuse me?” Yellow put their hands on their hips. “Now, why would we be dead?”
Green chuckled, “Because Purps thinks Red’s another alien impostor.”
“I DON’T THINK! I KNOW!” Purple flailed their hands in the air. “What kind of captain lets a winner of some contest fly a spaceship and lies about how they died?! We know White didn’t die from an industrial accident!”
“And what kind of alien impostor kicks another alien impostor down a trash chute?” Yellow crossed their hands.
“The kind of alien impostor that doesn’t want people to know they’re an alien impostor!”
Green looked around the group. “Hey, speaking of Red and alien impostors, where is Red, the supposed alien impostor?”
The crewmates all scanned the room for the captain, realizing they were still unaccounted for.
Purple scoffed, “Probably sabotaging something else we’re gonna have to fix.”
Cyan twiddled with their thumbs, “I think we should go look for them.”
Black nodded, “Cyan’s right–”
Cyan scoffed and turned away from the geologist.
Black cleared their throat and continued, “--If they’re an alien, we need to stop them and send them down the trash chute, but if they’re not–”
“--Then we have a missing crewmate and an alien impostor.” Brown finished.
Purple grumbled, “Fine. We’ll all go to Admin together, and see whether Red’s an alien impostor or pretending to not be an alien impostor.” They marched into the hallway and pointed behind them, “Everybody follow behind me.”
The crew of mates slowly crept through the halls towards Admin. They stepped slowly and quietly enough that they wouldn’t be heard from a distance, but with some urgency. As they passed through the cafeteria, they took quick notice of the discarded half of a pizza crust and scattered papers.
Cyan felt a shiver run up their spine. “Guys, I am picking up on some very, very bad vibes!” They stopped moving, causing Green to ram right into them.
“Bad vibes? From pizza crusts?” Black sighed, then quickly covered their mouth. They were trying to be less sour towards Cyan, but that’s hard to do when they dislike every word that comes out of their mouth.
“Not from the pizza, from… the ghosts!”
The entire team moaned.
“Cyan, ghosts aren’t real,” Purple assured.
“Oh, like how aliens weren’t real until two days ago?” Cyan snapped back.
Purple stuttered, “Well, we see aliens! We saw the alien kill Lime and watched it explode out the window! We can’t see ghosts.”
“Maybe you can’t, but I can. They’re all here! Lime, Blue’s beautiful face, White!” Cyan threw their arms in the air, pointing at what they could see, but no one else could. “And I have this weird feeling that there’s others.”
“Others? Bah!” Purple walked ahead towards Admin and pressed the button to open the door to Admin. “Cyan, there’s nobody else who has–” They stopped speaking abruptly when the hatch unlocked. Their stomach dropped so far it was a bottomless pit.
The rest of the crew rushed over to the scene and collectively gasped.
On the console in the center of the room was a map of the Skeld, and atop the map lay Red’s dead body. Their torso had been torn open, their heart had been ripped right out. Their captain’s hat was left on the floor right by the door in front of where Purple was standing.
Purple dropped onto their knees, “But I thought that they– I thought–” The words wouldn’t come out. They couldn’t take their eyes off the corpse of their former friend.
Brown heard the story of the two’s former friendship and understood how deeply this affected Purple. The cook tried to pat Purple on the back, but the touch only seemed to break the trance they were in.
Purple smacked Brown’s hand. “Don’t touch me! You could be the murderer!”
“I was with you the entire time.”
“So?! We don’t know what this alien can do!” Purple moved away from the crewmates and further into Admin. “I was so convinced it was Red that I didn’t even consider the possibility of it being any one of you!”
Every member of the group stepped back from each other, except for Yellow and Brown, who only stepped closer to each other and began holding each other’s hands tightly.
Purple pointed at Black, “You were alone! Did you do this?!”
“Seriously?” Black snorted, “I was nowhere near Admin.”
“Electrical and Admin are just a hop, skip, and a jump away from each other!”
“A hop, skip, and a jump? Really?” Black shook their head and walked over to Green, pushing them into the center of the group. “How come nobody ever looks at this smiling idiot? Worm-kissing bumpkin.”
Green turned to Black with a big puppy eye, “You think I’m the killer?”
“Besides your worm farm, all you talk about is wanting to be captain.”
Yellow gasped and nudged Brown, “White died after flying the ship, too! Mm-mm, I knew it the whole time.”
Green feigned an awkward laugh, “I would never kill Red! They were a great captain! I learned so much from them!”
The crewmates began arguing on top of each other. Some defended Green— others incriminated the unpaid intern- while Cyan and Brown backed out into the hallway feeling conflicted.
The bickering grew louder and louder. Purple felt the words were flying over their head like bullets in a war. The overwhelming clash brought them to their breaking point. “CAN EVERYBODY SHUT UP?!” Their voice broke on the last word.
Purple wasn’t the type of crewmate to let their emotions get the best of them, but the last few days had taken a toll on all of them, and they were reaching their breaking point.
“If we’re gonna eject someone, we need to do it the right way. We need to call an emergency meeting in the cafeteria.” Purple’s glassy visor was locked onto the dead body. “They would’ve wanted it.”
The others murmured in agreement and began to head up towards the cafeteria. All except Cyan and Purple.
Without Cyan saying a word or Purple looking back, Purple knew their friend had stayed behind with them. “Cyan, can you really see ghosts?”
“In a metaphysical sense.” Off of Purple’s confused expression, they added, “Yes.”
“So, you can see Red?”
“Well, I can feel their presence, but I actually haven’t seen them.” Cyan tapped their chin. “Oh, I can grab some crystals that might help strengthen their spirit, though. Maybe some labradorite and lapis lazuli.”
Purple grabbed the gemologist and pulled them into a tight hug, which Cyan gladly accepted. “Thanks, Cyan.” They sniffled and let go. “Maybe we can ask them who the second impostor is.”
Cyan nodded, “Ooh, I’ll grab some clear quartz as well.” They hurried out to Storage to grab all the crystals they needed, leaving Purple alone with the remains of their captain.
First Heracles, now Red. Purple had lost the two beings that knew them the best in the last hour. While they had mixed feelings for the captain due to their betrayal as interns, there was still a part of them that mourned the crewmate they used to call their friend.
“I didn’t mean to wish you were dead. I hope you know I didn’t want this to happen. I wouldn’t want this for anyone!” Purple wasn’t sure if Red was listening or even there in the room with them, but for some reason they felt a need to say what they needed to say: “I still don’t forgive you for signing that dumb NDA, and I don’t think I ever will, but you probably weren’t the worst captain. Not that I’ve had more than two, since you got me fired.” They faked a small chuckle before shutting themself up.
“Oh, God. I’m just trying to say that I care about y—” They hesitated. If Red was listening, they weren’t sure if they wanted them to know that part. “I mean— I care about your justice. I’ll find out who did this to you and it’d be nice if you could help.”
Just then, the vent began to rattle and make a whistling sound. Purple jumped back and snapped their hand into a karate chop position, “Who’s there?!” They took a few steps towards the vent and eyed it cautiously.
“Oh, screw it!” What have they got to lose at this point? They kicked the vent open and peered over it.
Inside the vent wasn’t an alien… or a stowaway. Inside the vent was a book: Captain’s Handbook.
“What the—” Purple pulled the book out of the vent, shaking the pink goo off of it. They opened it up and flipped through some of the pages. “‘Rule #1: Never question MIRA. MIRA is always right.’ Wow. That’s not propaganda-ey at all.” They rolled their visor and continued browsing. “‘Rule #110: It’s not a murder mystery until three crewmates are dead.’” Purple paused. That sounded familiar.
- · ─ ඞ ─ · ·
Following Blue’s death, the crew had gathered in the cafeteria, and while Purple tried to bring attention to the worrying deaths, Red assured, “Two deaths? That’s just a couple run-of-the-mill accidents. Now three makes it a murder mystery.”
- · ─ ඞ ─ · ·
Purple shook it off as a strange coincidence and flipped through further into the book. “Rule #213: Reassure crew with the phrase, ‘No Biggie.’ Seriously?” They raised their brow, “This taught you ‘no biggie’?!”
When they glanced at the next page— the single bookmarked page— and read it, their face went pale. “Rule #214: Aliens are real, and they like to kill?! You needed a bookmark to remember that?!”
They slammed the book onto the floor in front of Red’s body. Purple stammered, trying to find the words to express the rage they felt building up inside of them. “Heracles could have been saved! Blue could have been saved. And you— you could have been saved.” They were nauseous. “You knew there were aliens the whole time and you didn’t tell us! Half the crew is dead.”
For once, Purple desperately wished Red would defend themself with some dumb excuse, but that wasn’t going to happen this time. Or ever again. Purple felt that uneasy queasiness return to their stomach. They picked up the book and held it close to their chest as if that could hold in the squeamish feeling. “I don’t know why you’re such a MIRA bootlicker or why you hid this from everyone, but I promise I’m going to figure out everything. I’ll find that alien and bring justice. For you. And- and White and Blue and Lime too. Obviously.”
Purple took one last look at the Captain, gently holding their hand, whispering another “I promise,” then headed to meet the rest of the crew in the cafeteria.