Archive of Our Own

You'd be surprised how much trouble a single unnecessary question can cause.

If you're trying to figure out how we ended up here already, ask the author. I'm pretty sure she skipped a few chapters.

Around the cramped zashiki table, everyone had gathered to celebrate. Mera was inhaling the appetizers at a genuinely terrifying speed. 'If I don't move faster, she'll eat everything by herself’

Saiko, squeezed beside her, kept complaining about the lack of space while making increasingly offended faces at Mera, who remained completely unfazed. Across the table, Kaidou was passionately explaining to Aren and Yumehara how the Dark Reunion would inevitably attempt to sabotage our wedding and steal the rings, and how only the Jet-Black Wings could stop them. As usual, Yumehara looked completely captivated by every word that came out of his mouth. Aren, meanwhile, had apparently accepted that being Kaidou's audience was simply part of his daily life.

"…but seriously, Kusuo," Kuniharu began, adjusting his glasses before smiling warmly at both me and Kokomi. "I don't see the problem! I mean, sure, it isn't exactly traditional in Japan for the husband to take his wife's surname. But it was never an issue for your mother and me, we already had the same one!"

"That's right, Papa!" Kurumi clasped her hands together, her eyes sparkling as she turned toward her beloved husband. "But if we didn't, you'd definitely take mine, wouldn't you?"

"Of course I would, my precious sweetheart! I'd even change it to... 'Sparkleton von Loveydovey’ if you asked me to!"

"Oh, Papa!"

The two of them immediately disappeared into their own pink bubble of sparkles, hearts and excessive affection, hugging each other so tightly it was honestly difficult to watch.

‘You're both aware there are other people in this room, right?’

Beside me, Teruhashi let out a quiet laugh, barely audible over the noise around us, delicately covering her mouth.

(‘They're so adorable, Ku~...’) she said telepathically. At some point after she'd found out about my powers, talking this way had simply become our normal. Somewhere along the way, she'd also started calling me "Ku-chan," just like my mother....Annoying.

'I don't see what's so adorable about this, Kokomi.'

('Oh, come on.’)

She shifted a little closer, her hand coming to rest lightly on my shoulder.

‘U-Um... just thinking that, before long, I could be Saiki Kokomi... or... you could become Teruhashi Kusuo... it's just...’

"Will you two knock it off already?!" Imu suddenly blurted out, pointing straight at me. "You guys are always talking through telepathy! Seriously! I wanna know if you're treating my Teruhashi properly!"

She plopped back down beside Kokomi, her thoughts practically echoing through the room.

[Seriously... he's so lucky. Ugh... and he still acts all nonchalant! Ah, Kokomi-chan~ If only you were a boy... but I guess he's fine. At least he has his powers. Even then, they still don't compare to Teruhashi's. She's perfect, she's gorgeous, she's loved by the gods, and—]

'That's enough.' I cut her off with a mental sigh.

"Imu-chan! I was only talking to him for a second..."

"Imu! Look, Toru Mugami just posted a new picture!!"

"WHERE?!" Imu shot to her feet so suddenly that Kokomi flinched, her face immediately twisting into one of pure mortification at the mention of her brother. Imu, meanwhile, was practically glowing with excitement. ...Wait. Since when did she have those glasses? And that notebook? …I guess she needs professional help.

Speaking of the devil, a few days ago, while I was walking home from university, Makoto somehow managed to corner me despite my best efforts to avoid him.

The actor looked like the physical embodiment of pure rage as he grabbed me by the collar, practically shaking.

"If you make my precious Kokomi give up the Teruhashi name... if my angel's surname disappears because of YOU, Four-Eyes, I'll kill you! I'd rather see you become a Teruhashi than lose the only thing that'll keep us connected forever..." He continued through tears, sounding less like he was threatening me and more like he was making a love confession. "It's the only thing we've always shared... It should've been me instead of you, Four-Eyes! I don't want you carrying my family's name...you'd be a disgrace!!! But don't you dare erase hers!"

I had to listen to the same speech, threats included, the entire walk home. As usual, I didn't bother responding.

The problem was, Makoto wasn't the only one who thought that way. Almost everyone at university expected me to take Kokomi's surname. To the outside world, I was just the painfully average guy who somehow got engaged to the perfect goddess. As far as her fan club (and most people) were concerned, Teruhashi giving up her "heavenly" surname would be nothing short of a national tragedy...A ridiculous exaggeration.

'If I take her surname, at least someone else can keep the Saiki name going. Not that I really care.’

That reminded me of the dinner a few weeks ago, when my older brother decided to show up. The entire week was unbearable. Kusuke spent most of it making carefully calculated passive-aggressive comments at Makoto, while Makoto kept barking back. Whatever weird rivalry, or obsession,those two have going on isn't something I plan on understanding.

All Kokomi and I wanted was for the week to end.

‘..although the future of the person inheriting the Saiki name... and whoever ends up marrying him... is questionable, to say the least.’

"Hey, partner!"

Nendou slapped me on the back hard enough to interrupt my thoughts. Apparently, forgetting about him is just going to be a lifelong habit.

"So you're gonna become Teruhashi Kusuo? Hahaha! That sounds weird!"

"Don't be an idiot, Nendou." Aren pushed his glasses back up. "Whatever surname they choose doesn't matter. What matters is the vow they made to each other! Congratulations, you two! If protecting my wife meant taking her surname, I'd do it without hesitation!"

The thoughts around the room only grew louder after that. Hairo appeared seemingly out of nowhere beside Nendou and immediately burst into tears of joy. I glanced sideways at Kokomi. She was still smiling politely, though I could already hear what she was thinking.

(‘...What's wrong with all of them...?’)

'I ask myself that every single day.’

Unfortunately, it wasn't just the people around me who had opinions about it. By now, the internet had turned our surnames into its latest obsession.

A vibration in my pocket interrupted the conversation. I pulled out my phone.

One message.

From that guy.

【Look, Kusuo. Your girlfriend’s fan club is having a civil war over your future surname. Humanity really is fascinating. HAHA 】

...

I already didn't like where this was going.

Before I could lock my screen—

"Hey, partner! Lemme see!"

Nendou snatched my phone out of my hand before I had the chance to stop him. ‘Hey—’

Too late.

He held it inches from his face, squinting so hard I wasn't entirely convinced his eyes were still open.

"Huh...? Koko... Koko...min?" Nendou squinted at the screen. "What's a Kokomin? Is it food?"

"FOOD? WHERE?!" Mera immediately looked up.

Saiko pinched the bridge of his nose.

"...Does that peasant think about anything besides food?"

“Shut up Saiko! and give me that Nendou” Aren reached over and pulled the phone out of Nendou's hands with a sigh. "You can't even read properly."

He barely skimmed the page before frowning.

"...Seriously?"

Kaidou and Yumehara immediately leaned over his shoulders.

"What is it?"

"Is it the Dark Reunion?"

"...No. It's worse."

"WORSE?!" Kaidou and Yumehara shouted in perfect unison.

‘When did they start sharing a brain cell?’

Aren rubbed his forehead.

"They're arguing over whose surname Kusuo should take."

"...”

"...They made a poll."

Nendou peeked over Aren's shoulder.

"They did?! Lemme read!"

Without waiting for permission, he started reading the comments out loud.

"BREAKING NEWS! THE TERUHASHI SURNAME MUST BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS!"

"Huh?"

"Current petition: Save the Heavenly Surname!"

"..."

"Signatures: 894,201."

"HUUUH?!"

The entire table fell silent for exactly two seconds.

Then everyone started talking at once.

"No way!"

"Eight hundred thousand?!"

"They're serious?!"

"I told you!" Kaidou slammed both hands onto the table. "The Dark Reunion has infiltrated the internet!"

"I knew it!" Yumehara gasped.

"They've weaponized public opinion!"

" I don't think-…that's not how the internet works," Aren muttered.

“This Code, AREN! . . Kokomin #7172882! ‘Emergency bulletins’ . . . Don't you SEE?! It's encrypted!”

The argument around the table had reached the point where it was probably making the water glasses vibrate.

Kaidou was flailing his arms around so wildly while explaining his latest "theory" that he nearly knocked over the soy sauce, Hairo had somehow turned the conversation into an emotional speech about teamwork and burning passion (which still had absolutely nothing to do with surnames) and Nendou was quietly attempting to fit three gyoza into his mouth at once, blissfully unaware of everything else.

I glanced sideways at Kokomi. Her flawless "Perfect Girl" smile hadn't moved an inch, but underneath it, she was on the verge of a complete system failure.

('Oh my god... oh my god... oh my god...')

('Why are they reading that out loud?! WHAT are they thinking?! I swear I have nothing to do with this! Somebody please save me... I just want to disappear!')

For someone worshipped as the Perfect Girl, she looked remarkably close to breaking down. Since everyone already knew about my powers —which admittedly, made situations like this a little more convenient — I pulled my phone back with telekinesis, locked the screen with a quiet click and set it back on the table.

The room somehow managed to get even louder. I'd reached my limit several conversations ago, and there was one painfully simple way to end all of this.

"I'll take Teruhashi."

The effect was immediate. The room fell so silent I could suddenly hear the air conditioner. Nendou froze with half a gyoza hanging out of his mouth. Hairo stopped in the middle of another passionate speech, one fist still raised triumphantly in the air. Kaidou forgot whatever speech about the Dark Reunion he was about to give, his hand still suspended dramatically. Imu fainted on the spot. Even my parents were staring at me like I'd just announced I was moving to another planet.

Beside me, Kokomi completely froze.

('...Eh?')

('...EHHHHHH?!')

The color vanished from her face for all of half a second before rushing back twice as fast. I've seen traffic lights change more gradually.

"S-Saiki..."

She immediately covered her face with both hands, her shoulders trembling.

"...Kusuo..."

('He... he really just said that...?')

('In front of everyone...? Just like that...?')

('...I'm actually going to die of embarrassment.')

While Kokomi quietly entered the most embarrassing moment of her life and everyone else continued staring at me as if I'd done something extraordinary, I couldn't help wondering why solving the problem in the most straightforward way possible had produced this reaction.

Good grief... Why is everyone acting like I just proposed again?

I really don't understand people.