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Auristela never before knew how it was not to be able to breathe. Now, her breaths come in ragged and her chest is tight. There isn’t enough air in her lungs. She's certain this is what drowning feels like.
She locks herself in the bathroom and leans against the door, her clamy hand against her chest. She tries to remember how to breathe, but she can’t. Tears stream down her face. She's choking on her breaths, but she can’t even focus on breathing.
What if the priest is right? What if she is like her mother? What if she isn't a good person?
Why is she like this? She has to be strong. If she isn't strong, she is nothing, she is worth nothing, she can keep her brother safe from mother. Even if it means being a bad person, Aurelio's well-being comes first.
But maybe she really, truly is a bad person, no matter how hard she tries not to be. She lashed out on the priest because he organised the temple's main room the way Lumbre hated it, for her holdiay. Auristela's mother would've been even more furious. But Auristela punched a wall. She was so scared Lumbre would hurt her brother for the priest's mistake when she came back, Auristela punched a wall. Her fist lit even on fire as it connected with the stone wall. She was so scared when she'd seen it. She was just like her mother. A bad person. A really, truly bad person. Not even for her brother, but despite him.
But does it even matter? If she's trying to be a good person, for her brother? Sometimes, Aurelio seems like the only person worth being good for.
Auristela is breathing again, if not properly. She can do this. She is trying to be good, it must be worth something.
She hears someone knocking on the door softly. "Stela, are you okay? Can I come in?" her brother asks gently. Always so gentle, always so good, despite their mother's harsh parenting style.
Stela moves away from the door, leaning against the vertical wall. "Yes," she whispers, barely audible, sliding down on the cold tiles.
Relio is on the floor next to her in less than seconds, his arms around her shoulders, pulling her closer. She buries her face in the crook of his neck and starts sobbing. It's okay to cry with Aurelio. Her tears are safe with him.
"Relio? Am I like mother? Did I behave like her earlier?" she asks weakly, choking on her sobs.
"Of course not," Relio replies, sounding offended. He's rubbing circles in her forearm gently. "You lashed out, yes, but it wasn’t out of anger. It was out of fear of what she’d do when she came and saw the room. But you're in no means like her. She would’ve already let the priest go. Maybe tried to hurt or burn someone. And you made sure you didn't hurt anyone but yourself."
"And am I... am I a bad person?" Stela asks weakly.
"What? No!" Relio is taken aback by the question. Again, he sounds offended. "Stela, you're one of the best people I've ever met. Maybe the best." He sounds so convinced in what he's saying, Stela almost believes him, but she still has trouble believing him at the moment.
"Really?"
"You said goodbye to your ambitions just so mother could see me as worthy. Every day, you helped me prove myself to her. You protected me from mother as best as you could. I know you would've taken my punishmens if you could. Day after day, you proved me that I was good enough and that I was worth loving. You aren't perfect because nobody is, but you are a good person. More than good," he says and kisses her temple.
She knows, deep down, that he is right. "Thanks."
Silently, she curses their mother for having had raised the way she did. They could've been so much better if she could've just been a normal, caring parent instead of an angry woman full of complexes.
"Even when you have nobody, you'll have me," Relio says. "I'd go until the end of the world for you."
Stela sniffs. "You already did."
"And I'd do it again."
Stela buries her face in Relio's shoulder once again, another sob escaping her lips. Aurelio's arm around her shoulders pulls her closer.
"And don't you think you're weak for crying," he whispers firmly. "You're not. You're one of the strongest people I know."
Stela chuckles, almost bitterly. "What would I do without you, Relio?"
"I don’t know what I would do without you, either. But that's what siblings are for."
"I love you."
"I love you, too."