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Kei always feels like he's holding his breath, waiting for something.
He graduates high school and air stays stuck in his lungs.
At college, he tries to breath out—he'd inhale deeply and exhale for long seconds after every exam, every handed in assignment, every hours long study session at the library. It never quite works the way he wants it to. His lungs never fully deflate.
He's still holding his breath after getting his degree.
He's still holding his breath after joining the Sendai Frogs volleyball team.
He's still holding his breath after he has his own place—his own apartment, his own furniture, his own structure.
And he's still holding his breath, as he checks out pictures posted on one Hinata Shouyou's Instagram about the time he spent in Brazil but the thought crosses his mind, that maybe he knows exactly what he's waiting for.
He disregards it, deeming it stupid and naive. Whatever he felt in high school, stayed in high school. He doesn't believe that he's waiting with bated fucking breath for seeing Hinata again because that's stupid.
That is until him and Hinata meet again.
Unlike Hinata, Kei was never an optimist.
While he didn't think that they'd just never talk again, considering how admittedly close they have all grown throughout the three years spent almost constantly together, he knew that logically, it would be because they arranged a meetup. Maybe at a class reunion or a team reunion or maybe just the five of them, organized by anyone other than Kei himself. What he didn't believe could happen were chance meetings.
And yet, here he is, standing face to face with Hinata at a 24/7 grocery store and he almost feels the need to take off his glasses and clear them because he literally cannot believe his eyes.
"Tsukishima!" Hinata exclaims, the joy radiating off of him before practically jumping Kei, who drops his shopping cart—not on purpose but there's still a self-preservation to it. He only considers if there was perhaps something fragile in the cart once it's far too late for any eggs.
Hinata hugs him like it's a normal thing that they do, like Kei is used to tanned and muscled arms around his neck and freckled cheeks against his chest and red hair tickling his chin.
"Let go of me," Kei grumbles and when Hinata predictably doesn't, he reluctantly returns the embrace, placing his hands on Hinata's back and patting twice.
Eventually, Hinata lets up and lets go and when he does, they're left standing face to face and staring, taking in each other—the changes, the things that stayed the same and everything in between.
And Kei waits. He holds his breath and waits—for something, for the world to end, for Hinata to disappear into thin air or for the words to bubble out of him in a way that would be uncharacteristic because unlike the boy, or rather, man in front of him, Kei likes to think before he speaks.
"You look great," Hinata says then, still beaming. He tilts his head to the side and his grin is so wide, it makes his eyes close partially shut and he's the most beautiful person Kei has ever seen.
"I doubt it." The words slip out of Kei before he can stop them. He's aware that's probably not an ideal thing to say to Hinata of all people but the words are out now and all he can do is wait for the reaction.
"No, you do! You've got all," he gestures vaguely at Kei's figure, practically checking him out. Kei holds his blush back.
"Still just as expressive as ever, I see."
"Shut up, Tsukishima," Hinata rolls his eyes but he's still smiling and Kei can't help but smile back because fuck it, it's really nice to see him again.
They kept contact, somewhat. They follow each other on various social media platforms and they text the groupchat sometimes but while Tsukishima met up with Yamaguchi, Yachi and even Kageyama, sometimes, he hasn't seen Hinata since graduation. And there was a total of one video call when they were both present because somehow they were never busy at the same time but instead they took turns being the friend who couldn't make the call. They rotated if you wall.
Kei supposes it's symbolic, in a way. Two middle blockers, rarely on the court at the same time. Like the sun and the moon—when one comes up, the other goes down. Watching, appreciating, loving from a distance because they aren't allowed to exist in each other's presence.
And yet, here they are, face to face, in the same grocery store, in the same city, in the same country.
On the same court. Well, metaphorical court but regardless.
(They'll likely never play on the same court again, not official games anyway. That doesn't particularly bother Kei, if he's honest. He's always liked watching Hinata play. He can spin the sun-and-moon dynamic tragically if he wants but admiring, even from afar, isn't so bad.)
"You look great too," he says then because he has grown since high school, matured and also because it's true. Hinata got buff and he still has a tan and although Kei wouldn't call the clothes he's wearing a good outfit exactly (jorts, a white tank top and a button up with a dumb pattern), they still fit him well enough that he's nice to look at.
Like, objectively speaking. Kei personally wouldn't call him nice to look at because he's blinding, still, maybe even moreso but that's his own personal issue. From anyone else's perspective, Hinata simply grew into himself and turned into someone people might do a double take for.
Kei can't take off his eyes. Good thing he's already wearing glasses—at this rate, he really will be blinded. He should look away, to protect his vision at least but he really really cannot.
"Thank you," Hinata says earnestly. "What have you been up to? I heard you joined Sendai Frogs! That's so exciting! It's good to know that you still play! I was worried because you've always been all 'oh, volleyball is just a club, it doesn't mean anything, I'm Tsukishima Kei and I don't know how to feel joy or have goals or any hope at all'but I always knew you had it in you."
"I wasn't that bad," Kei shakes his head, an awkward smile pulling at his lips as he remembers his first year self. He often tortures himself late at night by reminiscing on those times—the good and the bad. Mostly the bad. God, fifteen year olds are the worst.
"You were!" Hinata says cheerfully, laughing a little into it. "God, you really were. So? Come on, tell me what's a day like in twenty-one year old Tsukishima Kei's life! Curiosity is eating away at me! I'm about to die here, I'll wither away if I don't know."
"Oh, you'll wither away?" Kei raises an eyebrow.
"Yeah!" This is the moment Hinata decides that he needs to bring Kei down to his level—literally. He grabs him behind the neck—which, Jesus Christ. Holy fucking shit—and pulls him down so he can have his arm around Kei's shoulder while directing him towards the fruit and vegetable isle. Kei's back has never been this bent and it already hurts. He doesn't want to move. "So tell meee," Hinata shakes him gently, before letting go so he can pick out papayas, apparently. Kei tries very hard not to miss the warmth of his touch.
When Kei breathes out after Hinata lets go of him, his lungs deflate fully. He stares at Hinata and the thought, This is what I've been waiting for, is clear in his mind.
Hinata shows him two pieces of papaya to choose from. Kei picks the one on his right which makes Hinata nod sagely and then beam at him.
It's awfully domestic. His next thought is, Is this what home feels like? which is so sappy, he crosses it out twice and buries it deep down.
On his next breath, he starts telling Hinata about what his life's been like these past years. He really hopes that Hinata will do the same in return.
It isn't just Kei who missed Hinata, of course. There's definitely a team meeting in order but before that, the five of them has to meet up. It's a must, Hinata insists.
With all of them being at least twenty, they agree to meet at a bar. Evening is simply a better time and it's more casual than a restaurant would be, so it's almost a unanimous choice, even if none of them are big drinkers. Yamaguchi brings up a place in Sendai that's not so busy, which seems to be the best option for all of them—Sendai, that is. Tsukishima's already there, Hinata's visiting at home and the others agree that they'd like to pass by too (home first, then Sendai), instead of having them all clamor into Tokyo.
When Kei walks in, Yachi and Yamaguchi are already there, sitting in a six people booth, chatting happily. Kei greets them with a wave which neither of them accept as a proper form of greeting and instead stand up to give him a hug.
"It's been ages," Yamaguchi exclaims, patting his back.
"It really hasn't. We've seen each other last month," Kei reminds.
"An entire month, Tsukki!" Yamaguchi dramatizes which makes Yachi giggle. At least she's enjoying this. "I missed you."
Kei doesn't think that at twenty-one, he's reached peak maturity. But he does like to believe that he's at a point of his life where expressing earnestly that he missed his best friend doesn't make him clam up anymore.
So he sighs—mostly because if Yamaguchi is going to be theatrical then so is he—and then he says, "I missed you too."
The upside of saying that is being able to pat himself on the back for the growth he's showing. The downside of saying that is Yamaguchi pulling him in for another hug, tighter this time and Yachi cooing at them loudly, turning the attention of everyone at the bar towards them.
Which, to their credit, isn't a lot of people but it's the principle of the thing.
They do the 'how's everyone doing' round, even though they're going to have to do it again once Hinata and Kageyama arrive too. All of them order some light cocktails, not wanting to get plastered, just so that they have something to sip on while catching up.
Hinata and Kageyama walk into the bar at the same time, already bickering. Always joined at the hip, those two were. Before Kei could turn bitter at the thought, Hinata finds them with his eyes and beams when their gazes meet. Kei's breath is taken away.
He's beautiful. Unlike their chance meeting at the grocery store, he's wearing a proper outfit this time and it really brings out all his best characteristics. His arm muscles are visible from under the shirt he's wearing and it's all light colors which brings out his tan. His naturally red (almost orange) hair shines under the bar lights and Kei couldn't look away if he tried.
"Hey guys!" Hinata exclaims, cheerful as ever once he's close enough. "When did all of you get so hot, what the fuck?"
He says what the fuck in English. Because he speaks English well enough now. And also because he wants to kill Kei, apparently—his accent in English is somewhere between Japanese and Spanish and it's unreasonably attractive.
"What about you?" Yachi asks, tilting her head to the side and checking out Hinata slowly, taking in every detail. It'd be extremely flirty, if Yachi wasn't a lesbian. It's still a bit flirty, regardless. "Brazilian sun treat you well, I see."
"Not even mentioning how buff you've gotten," Yamaguchi adds, while standing up to greet their newest arrivals with hugs of their own too. Yachi follows suit wordlessly but Kei remains seated. He has matured, sure but he still thinks hug greetings are bullshit.
Not that what he thinks has ever mattered to any of these people. By the time he realizes what's happening, he's in the middle of a group hug, initiated by Hinata, of course because who else would have this level of a disregard to the concept of time and space?
"You're ridiculous," Kei tells him, when they finally sit down—Hinata by his side with Yachi, Yamaguchi and Kageyama beside them. Kei tries not to think too hard about their seating arrangements.
"You love me," Hinata grins up at him and Kei rolls his eyes to hide just how true it really is.
At one point during the evening—slowly but surely turning into night—Hinata gets up and goes to the bathroom. This isn't unusual by any means and no one seems worried, considering none of them drank more than one cocktail. However, when he doesn't come back after ten minutes, they do starts sharing looks of concern.
"Tsukki, why don't you check on him?" Yamaguchi offers. "Kageyama can get us more drinks in the meantime and I'll stay here with Yachi."
"I don't need a chaperone," Yachi rolls her eyes.
"Sure but we want to make sure to keep our booth."
It's a bad excuse—there's barely anyone at the bar they're at—but Yachi accepts it, likely because she wouldn't want to stay alone anyway. Kei looks at Kageyama, who only shrugs before standing up and heading towards the bar.
Kei spots the sign for the toilets with his eyes and starts in that direction, glancing back at their booth one last time.
Yamaguchi was aware of his feelings in high school, sure. But when Kei finally told him—because he would've found out anyway—he made sure that Yamaguchi understood that it was just a harmless, fleeting crush because it was. Whatever reverb effect of it Kei is still feeling is simply because being around his high school friends makes him feel a bit like he's a teenager again.
It isn't as if he'd actually date Hinata. The mere thought is absurd, to a comical degree.
Not because Kei thinks he doesn't have a chance with Hinata or anything. He's got self-esteem issues, he's aware of that by now but he also knows Hinata—he knows how the other looked it him sometimes, mostly in their third year and he knows the look he gave him at the grocery store. It's obvious Hinata finds him attractive.
And sure, that doesn't mean much in and of itself but Kei can work with being found attractive, especially considering that they're already friends.
The problem is that he doesn't think they'd work out, romantically. The type of friends they are—the ones who meet up every once in a while and don't even really text or call each other much in the time in between meetups—just don't make for a good couple.
The sun and the moon only rarely are on the sky at the same time. Poets can claim they're in love all they like—if they can't ever meet, if they're destined to play a cat-and-mouse chase for all of eternity then that love will never be more than admiring from afar.
"Tsukishima?" Hinata looks at him in surprise, from where he's standing in front of the sink, washing his hands. Kei blinks at him, taking in the interior of the bathroom.
"You were gone for a while, we got worried."
"Sorry, I got lost in my thoughts," Hinata apologizes but he's grinning while he says those words so it isn't exactly the most earnest apology Kei has ever heard. He nods anyway, accepting the excuse.
"Are you coming back or not?"
"Dunno, this is quite home-y, don't you think?" Hinata jokes, looking around himself, while he pulls his hand out from under the stream.
Kei will blame it on the alcohol later but he says the first thing that comes to mind out loud. Well, he filters it through a few times but it's basically the same thing as Everything's feels like home with you around, when he says, "You can make any place feel home-y."
"Aw," Hinata expresses, before raising his hands and flicking water at Kei.
"What the fuck?" Kei asks, in Japanese, because speaking in English in casual conversation isn't something he's used to, unlike Hinata, apparently. "Are you a child?" he grumbles, taking off his glasses that have gotten wet. Hinata laughs and takes the glasses from his hands to clean them on his shirt himself.
"I forgot you can't see anything without these," he says fondly—why does he sound so fond—cleaning the lenses; gentle as can be.
"I forgot you can be gentle," Kei practically breathes the words because everything feels easy with Hinata around, including talking his mind. Which is a problem, except for that Hinata doesn't seem to think it is.
"Well, I am a force of nature." His tone suggests that he's joking so Kei smiles, watching as a blurry image of Hinata's hand reaches towards him, Kei's glasses in between his fingers. "All clean. Put it on so you're not so blind, four-eyes."
"Shut up, shortstack." Hinata laughs and it reverberates through the small bathroom.
When he reaches for his glasses, their fingertips touch. Hinata's fingers are calloused and yet they still feel soft—maybe because Hinata feels soft, in his light clothes, under the gentle glow of the bathroom light with a small smile on his face.
Kei suddenly can't breathe. Forget letting his lungs deflating—they can't even inflate now that he's looking at Hinata again.
The man in question tilts his head to the side and looks at him with his eyebrows slightly raised. "Are you okay?"
Kei nods, gulping. "I'll use the bathroom too."
Hinata nods, still looking at him in concern but he lets up soon enough. He waves him a quick goodbye, before heading back towards their booth. Kei closes the door behind him and stares at himself in the mirror, trying so hard to regulate his breathing.
He reaches towards the sink with slightly shaky hands and takes off his glasses, so he can wash his face. It's not a panic attack—he knows it's not a panic attack. A panic attack would mean that he'd be feeling like he's dying, that he'd be panicking. He isn't. He just can't breathe.
Or well, he can breathe because there is air entering his lungs but it's such a small amount that it feels like nothing. He sort of wishes he was hyperventilating so he'd at least have a reason to feel like this but that's a horrible thought to have so instead, he washes his face again.
Maybe it wasn't a fleeting crush, the thought slips into his consciousness. He closes his eyes forcefully and tries to push it back down.
"So just ask him out," is Yamaguchi's advice when Kei finally tells him about how he may still have feelings for Hinata. Because he does tell him, eventually because he's an adult and he's mature enough to know that talking about his feelings is important. Yamaguchi does not need to basically drag the information out of him the same way he had to in high school. Talking about feelings doesn't scare Kei at all anymore. "I swear to God, Tsukki, you're an adult. In the world of adults, when we think we want to date someone who might would date us if we asked, we ask."
"First of all, I am twenty-one years old. Legally an adult but still pretty young. Many twenty-somethings pine."
"Is that what you want to do? Pine from afar?"
Tsukki shrugs which Yamaguchi can't see because they're on the phone. "I'm good at staying at a distance."
"Yeah, you're good at pretending you don't want things but everyone knows you do. Everyone wants things! And you hiding your feelings is not fair to Hinata."
Kei scoffs. "If Hinata wanted me back, he'd make the first move without hesitation. I don't think you need to worry about that."
"He already did!" Yamaguchi bursts. "He's made many, many moves, Tsukki."
Kei's mind becomes a mess of thoughts after hearing that. All he can blurt out is, "What?"
"All throughout third year," Yamaguchi starts, somehow patient and insistent at the same time, "he'd flirt with you all the time. Even Kageyama noticed! And you never reciprocated, even though I saw how you looked at him like he hung the stars. That's why I was so adamant about finding out whether you liked him—I thought I could convince you to at least try flirting back or something."
"There's no way if that's true I wouldn't have noticed," Kei says, deadpan. "I mean, sure, he flirted with me sometimes but he flirted with everyone. He was flirty at seventeen."
"Not the way he flirted with you," Yamaguchi argues.
"I simply don't believe that."
"Because you put him on a pedestal and you think he couldn't want you!" Yamaguchi's voice has risen up so much that Kei decides to lower the volume of his phone but after this it's only silence on the other end. When Yamaguchi speaks again, it's so much quieter, Kei has to raise the volume again. "Look, I'm not gonna push you but I think you're being an idiot. He's just some guy, like the rest of us."
"I know that," Kei says sternly because he does. "I don't think that I don't deserve him or anything. I'm just not sure it would work out in the long run and I think it would make things awkward if we broke up."
"You worry too much about the future."
"Or maybe you don't worry enough."
"I worry plenty, thank you very much," Yamaguchi says, sounding amused now. "Only Yachi's got worse anxiety than me. But what you do is like—borrow grief from the future. You're scared that you'll never be a good enough volleyball player so you decide that that is just the unchangeable truth and that way you can never be disappointed and then you don't put in the effort and you really never make it. It's the same thing—you don't confess and that way you really won't work out because you don't even try."
Kei doesn't answer for a while, thinking. Because Yamaguchi's his best friend and he's learned to at least consider his advice by now and he does sort of have a point, unfortunately.
"Look, I gotta go," Yamaguchi says, sighing. "Just think about it, okay?"
"I am thinking about it."
"Good. Talk to you later."
And then he ends the call and Kei's left alone, with the silence and his thoughts.
He breathes in then, deep into his stomach and when he lets out his breath he finds that there's still some air in his lungs. They don't fully deflate.
Kei knows exactly what he needs to do to make them to.
The next time they end up meeting is not until another month passes. Kei could find that depressive if he wanted to but it's just the way adult friendships are, especially when you're not in the same city. It's a miracle that they at least call weekly—as a group, yes but it means being able to see Hinata at least through the screen, so Kei doesn't complain.
It's a Friday afternoon and Kei is scrolling on his phone when he gets a message from Hinata telling him that he's in the area and then a separate message asking if he wants to meet up. He always sends everything in at least three messages which should be annoying but instead Kei just waits (holding his breath and everything) for the third one. And lo and behold:
hey i'm in your area in sendai
do you want to meet up
and like hang out or something
Not even a second after Kei finally opens the chat, Hinata already sent yet another message.
it's ok it not
or if ur busy or whatever
just thought i'd ask
hey know any good places in sendai?
we could go there if we do hangout but just in general i mean
are you busy???
Kei sighs, feeling a smile pulling on his lips. What a dumbass.
He obviously agrees to "hangout" which is how the texting turns into a face-to-face meet up.
If Kei is being honest with himself, he's quite nervous about this. It isn't as if he's going there with the intention to confess but he has been thinking about what Yamaguchi told him and the thing is that he's unfortunately right. Borrowing grief from the future is a really fitting phrase to describe how Kei has been living most of his life. And he really doesn't think he wants to keep doing that.
Still, he has no idea how to doromance. He's been on a few dates but nothing more. For now, all his plan is that he will try to be on the lookout for Hinata's flirting and maybe flirt back, if he's able to catch onto it on time. Not that he like, knows how to flirt either. But he figures he'll cross that bridge once he gets to it. He needs to focus more on the present.
The present, which is Hinata in front of him, in a low cut tank top that makes alarms blare in Kei's head and running shorts that are far too short. It's like someone up there is specifically torturing Kei today.
Hinata is also extremely sweaty, much sweatier than whatever the weather could evoke, which is close to none at all, it being seven in the morning. He beams up at Kei and not for the first time (and probably not the last either), Kei feels like he's staring straight into the sun as he looks at him.
"Were you on a run?"
"Yap! Sorry, were you planning on bringing us somewhere fancy? I have a change of clothes, if you let me come up to yours, I can make myself presentable!"
There's very clearly an innuendo there, some sort of flirty joke about not putting out on the first date. Kei could turn this into teasing somehow, he could joke about this easily which could very well lead into real flirting.
He, of course, does none of that. Instead he says, "Well, it's not fancy but I would prefer if you looked at least presentable if I'm taking you to my favorite café."
He starts making a list of flirty remarks missed in his head but then Hinata laughs, the sound bright and lovely, distracting him from his thoughts.
"To your favorite café?" he asks, gasping at the end of the question to further the drama. "Tsukishima, if I didn't know better, I might would think that you like me."
That's a perfect opportunity right there. Trust Hinata to arrange the right situation for Kei where he just has to flirt back, not initiate. This much, even he can handle.
"Yeah, I mean—Yeah." Good job, Kei, you really showed him your flirty side, his thoughts offer. He tries not to let them deter him. Maybe he should've planned forward considering his non-existent flirting techniques. "I can—you can change. At mine. If you want to," he adds, just so it's clear what he meant.
"Sure," Hinata nods, still smiling, taking it in stride. Or maybe not even noticing. He is kind of a dumbass still. The difference is that it doesn't annoy Kei anymore, he just finds him all the more endearing for all his supposed flaws. And it's not like—he's not actually dumb. He just doesn't always notice things, outside of volleyball, anyway. Some would call that oblivious, Kei just thinks he has tunnel vision.
Frankly, Hinata looks just as hot in his casual clothing as he did before which is not good for Kei's stability or his ability to flirt. It should help, that he's attracted to Hinata but it's doing the exact opposite. No matter how much time he's spent convincing himself that he should make it at least known to Hinata that he's possibly open to the idea of a romantic relationship with him, he's still awkward.
"What are you doing in Sendai?" he asks once they're on the street again, finally walking towards Kei's regular café.
"Oh, you know. Nothing much."
Kei raises an eyebrow but doesn't pry. He's quite possibly the last person who has the right to get irritated at someone having secrets.
"I'm not stealing you away from any important meetings, right?" he asks, just to be sure.
"What? No, of course, not. I'm the one who asked to hang out, remember?"
Come on, Kei, you can do this. Just say you wanted to hang out. Just say something like it's not like I didn't jump at the opportunity. Say anything. Literally anything. "Well, I'm glad you did. It's good to see you."
That's more sincere and less flirting but it'll have to do. When Kei braves a look at Hinata, he sees a glint in his eyes that he's not sure of the meaning of and he's really not sure he'd even want to know.
The café is as the café always is. They chat like they usually would too—Hinata talks for the majority of the time and Kei acts disinterested for most of it, even though they're both acutely aware he's not. He rolls his eyes and hides a smile when appropriate and he's more aware (almost hyperaware, really) of any flirty remarks than usual.
Apart from one time when he gives Hinata a clumsy compliment regarding his looks—and it really is so clumsy, it isn't worth repeating; at least it makes Hinata laugh fondly—Kei doesn't really reciprocate but he's trying, he really is. He supposes it will take more than one semi-date for them to figure this out—or, more accurately for Kei to figure it out.
Small steps, or whatever Yachi likes to say.
As it turns out, Hinata doesn't really believe in small steps, at least not in this context. It makes sense, Kei thinks. He's always been an all or nothing guy.
"Can I be honest?" he asks and although it's a very vague question, Kei immediately knows what the following conversation is going to be about. He recognizes that look on Hinata—it's the same one he gets before he says something flirty.
"If you must."
"I didn't have anything to do in Sendai. I came here in hopes that we could meet up."
"You've went on a run here," Kei reminds.
"Yeah, I chickened out last night, so I went over to Koganegawa's."
"You. Chickened out," Kei repeats, deadpan. Hinata shrugs, looking away.
"You're not exactly easy to read, okay? Besides, I've had a crush on you since like, second year."
Kei blinks. "Second year?" he asks, disbelieving. Hinata only shrugs again and Kei knows, he knows what he has to say so he takes in a deep breath and he fucking says it. "I've had a crush on you since third year."
"Oh, you really do then, I thought—" he cuts himself off, shaking his head. Kei is pleased to note that his ears are turning red. "Anyway, uhh, are we going to like—do something about that? 'Cause the thing is that, like—I've been to Brazil, Tsukishima. I've basically seen the world. Well, not all of the world but I've traveled, is what I'm trying to say. I've been away from home a lot, I've seen a lot and—and it's great! Truly! I had so much fun and I definitely don't see myself as the type of person who will forever settle in one place but…But I've seen the world and nothing compares."
"Nothing compares to what?" Kei asks breathlessly because there's no way. There's no way the answer is him. There's no way Hinata saw the world and thought 'this is great and all but I really miss Tsukishima Kei'. He may not be that bad but he's not that interesting.
"To you," Hinata says earnestly. Kei's whole world is spinning. "Well, I mean, to you guys, really. No matter how far I'll go, I'll always miss bickering with Kageyama and chatting with Yamaguchi and Yachi and—and you. I'll always miss you. And my feelings haven't gone anywhere yet so I'm starting to think they never will. So if you really do like me back…then maybe you should do something about it."
"I should do something about it?" Kei raises an eyebrow, still processing.
"Well, I can't do all the heavy lifting!"
"You certainly have the arms for it."
"Tsukishima!" Hinata scolds but he sounds delighted. He's grinning. It's blindingly beautiful.
And Kei waits and waits and holds his breath and then he sighs, long and deep because actually, he's done enough waiting. Too much waiting, perhaps. So he leans down, placing his hand delicately behind Hinata's neck, holding onto him so he doesn't go anywhere.
He can't stop looking. Hinata's got the most beautiful eyes Kei has ever seen.
"Wait," Hinata whispers and he's so close. Kei's gaze flits down to his lips before meeting his eyes again.
"Waiting is all I've been doing for years."
"No, I know—okay, sorry, you weren't clear about your intentions! We could've been—anyway, not the point, just—I'm ticklish."
Kei sighs again and he sees as Hinata follows the motion of his lips forming around the breath with his eyes. He lowers his hand and holds onto Hinata's shoulder.
"Okay," Hinata whispers, getting on his tiptoes. "You can kiss me now."
And so Kei does.
Yamaguchi is the only one they tell about their relationship before they're finally able to organize a team meeting and decide to announce it there. Everyone who played with Hinata in Karasuno shows up—from the third years when they were just beginning their career as the 'wingless crows' to the first years from when Yamaguchi was captain. There's one guy who can't make it but he sends his greetings and Hinata's almost as happy about that as he is about seeing everyone else.
When Yachi sees them holding hands, all she says is, "Finally." Hinata beams at her and Kei rolls his eyes—all is right in the world.
The third years—Sugawara, Daichi, Asahi and Kiyoko—are the only ones surprised. They expected Hinata and Kageyama to be a thing, apparently. Kei supposes they weren't there when Kageyama came out as aromantic and asexual. He honestly understands the assumption—whatever the nature of their relationship, Hinata and Kageyama are a sort of package deal. That is a thought Kei still has a hard time getting used to, even though he's had years by now to do it.
"It's good to see you happy," Sugawara tells him, when they're standing near the table with the sweets on it, just the two of them.
"Do I look happy?" Kei can't help but ask. Because he is, he's happier than he's ever been but it's hard to believe he looks it too. It's hard to believe anyone can see him without a frown on. It's hard to believe anyone can see him, the real him. The one who can be happy.
"Very much so," Sugawara nods, squeezing his shoulder. "I'm expecting invites to all your matches."
Kei could grumble about that. He could roll his eyes and tell him to stop doting on him, he's only two years older. Instead he just nods and says, "Of course."
Sugawara looks back at him and smiles before walking up to where Daichi and Asahi are chatting with Tanaka and Kiyoko.
Kei looks around, at all these people who shaped him, who shaped his career and his love for volleyball. And then he looks at Hinata (who's currently arguing about something with Kageyama because of course) and he can feel the smile on his face.
Happy, is one way to put it. Content is probably a better word for it, though.
He's got everything he wants. No more waiting.
No more holding his breath.
He's going to live. And he's going to live a life he truly loves. The moon may not ever find a way to love the sun from up close but Hinata wasn't so unreachable after all.