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1
He is way out of my league, and now I can’t help but wish that he’d love me too. I doubt that he ever will. A voice within me yells: ‘Shoot your shot!’, so I just can’t help but approach him again.
“Hey, uhm, Fiyero?”
“Yes?”
His smile surprisingly doesn’t seem to have faded. If anything, it seems wider.
“Well, I was just wondering if-”
I can’t tell him. He’d laugh in my face, wouldn’t he?
“If anyone is allowed to go to the Ozdust.”
He laughs anyway. It makes me feel a little worse, but I don’t want to show him that.
“Yeah! It’s an open invite, the whole school will be there.”
“Right. Well, I was just curious.”
“Even if it wasn’t, I’d still wanna invite you.”
That’s nice of him to say, I suppose. Out of the blue, Galinda pops up next to Fiyero. She leans into him, a hand on his chest. She’s making it obvious.
“You wouldn’t happen to be inviting anyone to the Ozdust, would you?”
“No one’s caught my eye yet. Why do you ask?”
Galinda seems slightly caught off guard by his response. It’s clear that despite flirting with everyone else he wouldn’t know when others were flirting with him if it hit him on the head.
“Are you sure? You haven’t wanted to ask out a single girl here?”
“A few have caught my eye, but I’m still deciding.”
I should leave this conversation. Galinda clearly isn’t even gonna acknowledge my presence, so there is no point in staying. I’m really just eavesdropping on Galinda’s slightly failed attempt of asking Fiyero out. He seems a bit too… stupid to realize it. I take a step to leave, but I’m stopped almost immediately.
“How about you, Boq? Were you thinking of asking anyone?”
Does he know?? Do I need to run before I embarrass myself??
“Not really. I haven’t even considered going before now.”
Galinda seems really exasperated now. I’m definitely intruding on something.
“I know what you could do!”
Galinda steps in front of Fiyero as if she were guarding him from me. She smiles sweetly and tilts her head.
“Biq, why don’t you ask Nessarose?”
Nessa? Elphaba’s little sister? I vaguely remember Elphaba bringing her to one of our playdates because their father was busy.
“You know, the girl in the chair over there.”
I look over to where Galinda is pointing. Nessa is sitting by herself, reading a book. She seems a bit sad, lonely. Maybe I should invite her. It’d be a good deed, and it might impress both Galinda and Fiyero.
“It would absolutely make her day if you went over and asked her.”
It would, wouldn’t it? And it’s the least I could do for ditching Elphaba.
“I’ll do it! Thank you, Galinda.”
“I love helping others, it’s no problem!”
After the Ozdust I promise I’ll tell him how I feel and apologize to Elphaba for all I’ve done. For now, though, I’ll cheer Nessa up with a dance between friends. I’m sure she’ll appreciate that very much. I begin making my way over to her. This will end well.
2
He is way out of my league, and now dancing with Galinda. Not to mention the fact that I asked Nessa here, she is my date. And I can’t abandon my date to tell him how I feel. He wouldn’t even return the feelings, would he? It’d hurt Nessa and probably just embarrass me. But what if I instead just let her down easy?
“Nessa, I have to be honest with you about something.”
“Honest about what?”
Her voice is slightly shaky. I really hope she’ll take it well.
“You see, the reason I asked you out to the Ozdust is because-”
“You felt pity on me. You thought I was some pathetic little girl in a chair who needed to be coddled. I’m right, aren’t I?”
“What?! No!”
I couldn’t care less about her chair. She’s great, with or without it.
“Please never think that about yourself. You’re such a sweet and kind person and you’re so much more than just a girl in a wheelchair.”
She seems taken aback by my statement. And then she smiles warmly. And blushes. Oh Shiz, I have to fix this right now before it evolves.
“The real reason I asked you out was because…”
My eyes slowly glide over to where Fiyero and Galinda are dancing and- They’re… kissing. That’s fine. They’re dating! It makes complete sense that they’d be kissing! It’s fine. I’m never gonna get with him. The least I can do right now is to not hurt Nessa’s feelings.
“...because I think you’re beautiful.”
She immediately lights up and smiles. It hurts my soul. It’s gonna crush her when I finally man up and explain everything.
“Oh Boq, I think you’re the most wonderful person in the world!”
I attempt to smile. Just a little longer, and then I’ll tell her, I reassure myself.
3
He is way out of my league, and now he’s leaving.
“You’re what?!”
“You heard me. I’m going to the Emerald City to set things right. To ask Glinda what’s going on and to clear Elphaba’s name.”
I can’t help but scoff. The amount of trust he puts in people, even those that are evil, is unnerving.
“Are you serious?? You heard Madame Morrible! Our so-called friend has been lying to us! She’s been evil all along!”
He doesn’t look at me, too busy preparing his Horse. He does, however, answer me with his own form of a scoff.
“You trust Morrible over Elphaba? Are you kidding me??”
“She works with the Wizard. And he for sure wouldn’t lie to us.”
He finally turns to look at me. His eyes almost make me forget what I’m talking about.
“Can you really be sure of that?”
Can I? Yeah, I can, right?
“I trust our Wizard. He’s done so much for us, and I know he has our best interest in mind.”
“Well, I know Elphaba does. I’m going, whether you’d like it or not.”
No, please! I don’t want you to leave. I love you.
The words don’t come out. They’re stuck on my tongue as if they are curses, forbidden to be spoken aloud. I just so desperately wish I was able to speak my mind. Everything would be so much easier if I could.
“Please don’t. I’m going to be alone if you do.”
His gaze softens slightly.
“Don’t you think she feels alone too? She’s scared, hurt and hated. I can’t leave her to deal with that alone. She needs both of our support, so I’d like for you to come with me.”
I consider it. He’s right. I am thinking about myself when I should be thinking about her. I shouldn’t be hiding at Shiz like a coward, but prove that I care. Say yes to his proposal, but… I don’t.
“I have to stay at Shiz. I can’t come with you.”
He nods firmly and turns to pack again.
“But- if you find either of them, tell them I said hi.”
He forces a smile as he finishes packing up.
“I will, and I promise this isn’t the last you’ll be seeing of me.”
He speeds off on his Horse. So it’s really happening, huh? Oz, I should’ve told him.
4
He is way out of my league, and now apparently about to be married to Glinda. I need to act now. Otherwise I’ll never get to ever again. I’ll be stuck here forever, and I’ll only be able to dream of freedom. I have to tell her. I can’t go on any longer. I have to-
“Boq! Boq, come in here!”
Oh… that can’t be good, can it? I slowly make my way toward her office. Okay, she shows me her thing, I tell her the truth. About Fiyero, and- Wait, is that a second voice? Why is there a second voice in Madame Govenor’s office? I push open the door. The governor is up in the air. She’s flying! How could that be possible??
“But how are you-”
What’s even weirder is that there’s a second figure in the room too and it’s… her.
“Y-You!!”
The Wicked Witch of the West. The most wanted criminal in all of Oz. Elphaba Thropp. In the governor's house, begging me to calm down.
“Boq, it’s me! It’s Elphie!”
I haven’t called her that name in a while. It hasn’t felt right. Nothing has felt right as of late. I can’t bring myself to trust her, after everything that’s been said.
“Stay back, you- you witch!”
I can tell the words hurt her, but I don’t care right now. I need to clear my head, find a way to get out of this place for good.
“Boq, you know me, please! You know I’d never hurt you, I’m your friend!”
The words don’t feel genuine. They feel fake, like another way to get me to hold my tongue.
“You’re lying! That’s all you ever do!”
I don’t know if this is the right time to begin crying, but it comes close to happening anyways.
“What?”
“You and your sister, she’s just as wicked as you are!”
“What do you mean? What’re you talking about?”
I couldn’t hold them back. Stupid tears. I must look so pathetic right now.
“I’m talking about my life!! The little that’s left of it. We aren’t allowed to leave the county, none of us. Ever since she took power, she’s been stripping the munchkins of our rights, not that we had that many to begin with.”
I don’t remember the last time I’ve been able to speak freely from the heart like this. Madame Governor is… unaffected by my words. Only the witch seems a little touched.
“But Boq, isn’t this amazing?! I’m flying! Now we can finally be together!”
My stomach churns. Now or never… It’s now or never.
“Nessa, I have to tell you something…”
It might just be my imagination, but I swear I see Nessa very slowly floating down.
“My heart is-”
She lowers even further down.
“My heart belongs to someone else.”
She at eye height.
“They’re getting married. Glinda is getting married to Fiyero. And I have to tell…”
She’s back down in her chair.
“...her… how I feel. It’s my last chance.”
My mind was thinking the word ‘him’. My heart was screaming the word ‘him’. And yet my mouth chose to say ‘her’. I don’t know if it’s stupidity, delusion or cowardice, but for some reason I just can’t get my mouth to say it out loud.
“I lost my heart to Glinda the moment I first laid eyes on her.”
Why am I lying? Who am I even lying to? Am I afraid that Nessa, my friend, wouldn't understand?
“Lost your heart?”
Her words are cold and bitter. They feel distant. She feels distant. Like I don’t know who’s truly saying those words.
“I won’t let you leave me. I’ll show you how it feels to lose your heart to me. Even if I have to… if I have to… magic spell you.”
She jumps for the book. She says some words. I don’t understand them. But Elphie screams at her to stop. A great pain fills my chest. Why can’t I breathe? Now Elphaba is the one who grabs the book now. She begins chanting something. I can’t understand a word of it. She’s doing something. She’s doing something to me. What’s going on? What is she…?
5
He is way out of my league, and now it’s even more so than before. How could he ever love this monster that I’ve become? I’m cold, hollow and stiff, and it’s all because of her. I can’t believe I’m saying it, but I would have preferred to die. I would have preferred anything over standing in the forest unable to move. Who knew rain would’ve been the death of me? I wonder how much longer I’ll be forced to stand here. It’s been a few days since the last person passed by, and they didn’t stop to help. I wonder if anyone ever will or if I’ll stand here for all of eternity.
Wait. I hear something in the distance.
Are those footsteps?! Please, please notice me. As they get closer I realize that there are definitely more than one person coming my direction. I can hear two people talking, and I think they’re talking about some snobby Trees. One of the voices belongs to a little girl and the other… Nevermind, a lot of people have Vinkun accents, even in Munchkinland. The footsteps abruptly stop and the little girl’s voice exclaims:
“Wait, what’s that over there?”
“A cottage?”
“No, right beside it!”
“A tree..?”
She giggles at his remark.
“No, the statue!”
And for the first time since he left Shiz, I feel hopeful.
“Ohh! That statue.”
Their voices get louder and closer.
“It’s a man! A man made out of tin! And I think he needs our help.”
Oh, thank Oz, I might get out of here after all. I can’t bear being alone with my thoughts even a second more. Okay, okay… I need to get out of this. The oil can was great for getting rid of the rust below my eyes. I just need to tell them about it.
“...l c…n.”
The girl and the scarecrow walk in front of me to get a better look at the weird freak, I assume. Wait what?? Talking scarecrows exist?? Well… I didn’t know tin men existed either, but I was proven wrong. I guess anything is possible. The scarecrow scratches its head.
“What’s he saying?”
“I think he’s saying oil can.”
“Oil can what?”
That is quite possibly the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard but it’s… oddly charming. Weird.
“No no, look, over there! There is an oil can in the grass. We can use it to remove the rust so he can talk.”
“Smart thinking, Dot!”
“One of us has to, right?”
The scarecrow and I watch as the girl, who I presume to be named Dot, picks up the oil can and happily skips back over to us. She kind of reminds me of Elphaba when she was younger… I shouldn’t be thinking of her right now. It still hurts to think about.
“Mr. Tin Man, what would you like me to oil first?”
This might not be so bad after all!
+1
“This sounds extremely random, but have you ever been in love?”
I have no actual idea on how to respond to that. I have much less of a clue on why he’s asking me. Especially now, considering just a few hours ago, we were tasked with killing the most wanted fugitive in all of Oz. The one who did all of this to me.
“Is this really the time?”
“It seems like the perfect time to me. They’re asleep, we’re here and there are no threats around us right now.”
“I guess that makes sense. I just wonder why you’d even want to know.”
Scarecrow seems lost in thought for a moment. Odd.
“In the crowd, earlier. You were feeling anger, but it wasn’t the only thing you were feeling, was it?”
“No. Humans are a little more complex than you’d think, Scarecrow.”
It came out much ruder than I would’ve hoped. Just because Scarecrow isn’t a human, doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be treated like one.
“I’m sorry I snapped at you. That was wrong.”
Scarecrow doesn’t respond to my apology.
“Who were you in love with before she took your heart?”
And there it is. The question I’ve been trying hard not to truthfully answer ever since Shiz. The question I still don’t want to answer, not even now.
“I used to tell others, maybe even myself, that it was this popular girl. She was sweet, beautiful, charismatic, and I definitely wasn’t the only one who felt that way about her.”
I pause. It’s still so painful to bring up everything that happened. Why is it still so painful? I’m not supposed to feel anything. I’m just an object.
“It’s okay. Take as much time as you need to answer. We’ve got all night.”
I nod carefully, then sigh. I can do this.
“I told the Wicked Witch of the East about my ‘true’ feelings. She had been my girlfriend back at school, and still liked me. I just didn’t feel the same way. I confessed to her that I wanted to pursue G- the popular girl. I still don’t know why I lied. I didn’t love either of them. I don’t think I ever have.”
Scarecrow nods in understanding, although I don’t know why. Normally I like quiet, but it feels too heavy right now.
“Who did you really love?”
I swallow, no, I try to swallow. I forget I can’t. I think he notices my hesitation but for whatever reason he dares not to bring it up. It’s now or never, Boq. You better say the truth for once in your ozdamn life.
“I was in love with-”
Please just say it. Get this stupid rusted jaw to finally speak like it never has before. Get it to finally say the truth for once. And… it does.
“I was in love with Fiyero Tigelaar. He was a prince, way beyond my league. He was cool, kind, beautiful and despite not wanting to admit it, he was smart.”
Scarecrow nods, his mouth a straight line, but his buttons expressing an emotion I really can’t put a finger on. He kicks a stick with his boot and it lands in the fire. It burns up almost instantly, so I can understand why he’s sitting so far away.
“Can you… tell me what you think happened between the two of you?”
‘What I think happened?’ It probably doesn’t mean anything.
“Oh, nothing at all, really, I just never got to ask him… I still regret it deeply… I doubt he would’ve said yes, but it would’ve been nice to get it off my chest.”
There I go, venting about my problems again. He’s probably getting tired of hearing about it all.
“You know what, it doesn’t matter, it’s too late now. Even if he was ali-”
I can’t get myself to finish that sentence. I don’t want to believe it, but I know it must be true. His death was all over the news and the Wizard doesn’t lie.
“Even if he wasn't gone, I know he wouldn’t have loved me like this.”
Scarecrow sits in silence for a good two seconds before smiling.
“Well, if I were him, I think it would be foolish not to love you.”
For the first time since my heart… went away, I felt that feeling. The one I thought was impossible in this form. I’ve only ever felt that way about one other person. Oh Oz, I should not be feeling that way about a damn scarecrow.
“Thank you.”
He laughs. It makes me feel a little better, so I smile.
“You don’t need to thank me for telling you the truth.”
If I still had blood, my face would be redder than a poppy. Oh Oz, I really, really shouldn’t be feeling this way.