Chapter Text
“Tom, are you okay?”
Tom had hated those words, he always had.
He never knew how to explain his feelings, his reason for being the way he is.
Tom didn’t even know why.
He had a normal home life. He had nice friends.
So why, just why, is he so upset about everything.
Tom recalled the memories, the memories of when he felt normal.
“Tom, pass me the red!” Edd’s little voice carried over from across the table, Tom looked up from his coloring sheet, seeing little Edd.
He smiled, really smiled.
Tom rolled the red over to Edd, Tom’s grin big a toothy, one of his front teeth missing.
That was a memory Tom would always remember, the memory of him meeting Edd for the first time at a young age.
Then came Matt.
“I don’t get it.” Matt had spoke up once someone at their table had finished explaining the math equation.
Tom’s faced deadpanned for a moment, “It’s the simplest thing.” Matt looked at Tom, “But how does one go from numbers to a letters?” Edd burst out laughing and Tom rolled his eyes so hard he felt like they would get stuck that way, just the way how his mom had told him.
That was back in primary school.
Now in high school, the three of them still strong friends.
Edd, hadn’t changed one bit.
Matt, still dumb as ever.
Tom, he was different.
He was different in a way he didn’t like.
Tom never liked change.
So why had he changed from his happy self to this? What had he done wrong? What had gone wrong?
Tom just sits in his room now, watching the thin red lines across his arms. It burns, it always does. It burns in a way that soothes Tom.
His room is so dirty now.
Trash overflowing his bin in the corner of his room, dirty unwashed clothes scattered everywhere, cigarette ash powdered up on a pile on his dresser.
Tom could barely get out of bed some days. He’d just lay there, staring at his ceiling, feeling as if he was decomposing as time went on.
He’d still force himself to get up as much as he could, just so he could take care of his baby, Nermal.
Tom found it so hard to care for another being, when he himself, was struggling to care for himself.
Nermal would lay at the end of Tom’s bed, the only space Tom manages to keep clean just because he knows Nermal likes the spot, Tom would just lay there, staring at the ceiling, letting his thoughts drift.
He never liked being alone much, even though he most people didn’t like being around him since he was dubbed a “buzzkill.” Though, being alone left Tom consumed in his thoughts, which he didn’t like. He always found something new to worry about, something new to be so upset about.
Tom pushed himself to be normal, he pushed himself to try and be better.
He wanted to get better.
He wanted to get better for Nermal.
He wanted to get better for his friends.
He wanted to get better for himself.
But he just simply couldn’t.
Tom would recall the memories of his past birthday, Edd and Matt sat around him while they sang happily to him.
Tom just stared at the cake, he felt so numb. The only thing he felt was the uncomfortable sting of his heart and Nermal’s soft fur pressing against his bare calve.
”Make a wish!” Both Matt and Edd had exclaimed happily, waiting for Tom to wish something and then blow the candles out.
Though, nothing came to Tom’s mind. It was blank.
What do I want? Tom could recall thinking, he felt the states of Edd and Matt on him. He just sat there for a moment.
Get better.
Tom then blew the candles out, in response, Edd and Matt clapped and cheered.
For the first time in a while, Tom’s lips curled a bit at the ends, curling upwards into a small smile. He felt so cared for around his friends.
Despite the sting in his heart.
Despite the numbness.
Despite the nagging sadness at the bottom of his stomach.
He genuinely felt happy and at ease with his friends.
. . .
Tom sat silently in the living room, his eyes flickering over to a sleeping Matt and Edd on his couch. Then his dark irises flicked back to the television which played a long yet boring movie Edd had chose.
The television shut off with the soft click of the button, Tom tossed the remote somewhere onto the couch before slowly getting up and heading to his room up the stairs. Tom could hear the soft pats of Nermal’s footsteps behind him, to which he turned around to see a little potato following after him.
The rest of the night, while Edd and Matt slept soundly downstairs on the couch, Tom was up on the roof, gazing up at the stars as he smoked cigarette till his throat was red raw.
Tom felt sick to his stomach, he couldn’t tell if it was the nagging sadness or the amount of cake he ate.
His arm dropped to his side, a cigarette still held between his index and middle finger. Tom just let out a sigh, his eyes shutting.
To get better. Tom had thought again, his eyes suddenly opening as he propped himself up onto his elbows. His gaze drifted back to the stars above him.
“Get better, tch.” Tom repeated, but this time aloud to no one. He shook his head, taking one last puff of his cigarette before putting it out with the flesh of his skin.
Tom climbed back into his bedroom, his gaze catching Nermal asleep on his pillow. Tom sighed once again, tossing his cigarette into a random bowl before climbing into bed.
He pushed Nermal a bit, to which Nermal scooted over. He laid his head down onto the pillow, just staring back up at his ceiling in till his eyelids grew heavy and he fell asleep.