Work Text:
Wanderlust (n.): the irresistible, incurable desire to travel or wander.
Home to Jinyoung’s parents was the little white house tucked neatly between the laundromat and the convenience store. So, when he saved up just enough money to backpack around Europe, his parents couldn’t understand. Their cries about responsibilities and duties filled the house and Jinyoung wanted to comfort them, but how do you explain the insatiable desire to see a new city, a new world? So, he said nothing and let their curses ring through the night. When he left Seoul without a single person to see him off, he thought to himself, “home is where my feet will take me.”
Now, Jinyoung wonders if he’ll ever find a place to call home. Watching the sunset bleed red into the sky, he is reminded that he has run out of time to chase a fruitless dream, fragments of an empty hearth. So, he finds comfort in alcohol, letting intoxication numb the sense of purposelessness till sunrise when he has to leave for good.
What he doesn’t expect is to strike up a conversation in a bar with a stranger named Im Jaebum whose eyes twinkle with mischief. It goes from sharing stories of the cities to which they’ve been to somehow hopping onto a train to Valencia to see the final night of a festival where hundreds of sculptures go up in flames. They get there just as a set fireworks paints the night sky and the monuments blaze in the distance. Jaebum grabs him by the arm, eyes wide with excitement, and they break off in a run as the burning air licks their skin.
They can't share a single conversation when words are swallowed up by deafening fireworks and cheers, but it doesn’t stop Jaebum from screaming into the distance. He gestures for Jinyoung to try shouting too and Jinyoung finds himself letting every buried emotion out. He feels liberated.
When Jinyoung turns back to Jaebum, he sees the fire reflected in the his eyes and Jinyoung's heart swells just a little.
And then he loses him in the crowd.
And then the sun rises and he’s on a plane home.
Commuovere (v.): to stir, to touch, to move to tears.
It rains the day he lands back in Seoul. It rains when he leaves the airport alone. It rains when he stuffs his bag in his empty room, in his empty house. It rains when he finds job clippings on his desk. It rains when his parents come home and they tiptoe around each other. It rains when they silently eat dinner, across from each other, but a million worlds apart. It rains when the word disappointment comes up one too many times and Jinyoung shuts the world out of his room.
After months, it’s raining again. Despite kicking and screaming in protest, Jinyoung’s friends drag him to some newly-opened club. But, the sea of bodies writhing under the strobe lights and earsplitting music has him ripping into the streets. He runs until he can’t recognize the people. He runs until he can’t recognize the neighborhood. He runs until the rain soaks him to the bone.
He runs until someone runs into him. He shrinks back in an apology, but the arms gripping him don’t leave. Instead he hears “I’ve looked all over the world for you, Park Jinyoung” and for the first time in a long time, Jinyoung openly cries.
Cafuné (n.): the act of running your fingers through the hair of someone you love.
Jinyoung doesn’t know if he’ll ever truly find home. But when Jaebum’s laugh echo through the entire café in London, Jinyoung feels a warmth grow deep in his heart. When Jaebum looks at him like he belongs in the Palace of Versailles, Jinyoung sees life through kaleidoscope of colors. When Jaebum’s hand slips into his as they walk through Quebec on a foggy morning, Jinyoung doesn’t care what city they’re in, but he wants to hold on forever.
And on days when the Seoul rain drowns everything in its wake, Jinyoung feels hollow inside. Jaebum will find him staring catatonic out the window and he'll nestle his head on Jinyoung’s lap, eyes closed and smile ghosting his lips, humming something soft and sweet. Jinyoung will run his fingers through Jaebum’s hair, laughter bubbling in him.
Jinyoung doesn’t know if he’ll ever truly find a home, but if home is where Jaebum is, everything might just be okay.