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Shane stuns at a Metros get together!

Summary:

A Shane Hollander update account posts a very interesting picture.

The hockey rpf world loves it!

Ilya… does not.

Notes:

I had a rlly silly thought and just had to write it!!! Hope you enjoy!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:


Shane Hollander Updates @shanehollanderupdates

Shane stuns at Metros get together!

*A photo that was posted to Jackie Pike’s instagram. Shane Hollander is smiling while sitting in between Hayden Pike and JJ Dagenais, they’re both looking at Shane with half lidded eyes and smirks on their faces.*

 

Shane Hollander’s freckles @lestatsaidw

Uhm???? This is so gay I’m????

 

Maddie 💕 (Tayler’s version) @heebeehoneynee

EXCUSE ME???? WTF AM I LOOKING AT!!!

 

°𐐪 a 𐑂°@pploftheperson

*Photo of the meme Piper Perry Surrounded*

 

June!!! @junietoojiggywithit

Are we allowed to see this…

 

Arnie 🍉 @justellherhowyoufeel

This actually looks like the intro to a fucking porno 💀

 

lily. @TURBOMAX

Genuinely what the fuck is this

 

Shayden4ever @buckfluffys

I mean I guess I got what I wanted but???

 

replying to @buckfluffys
Shayden stocks up 📈 @Irenepopsii

Right like I prayed for this but now I’m just so confused

 

finn @fl0wer_petals

So did Hayden just forget he was married with kids?????

 

JACKIE PIKE IS HAYDEN PIKE’S BEARD @jil

Shayden confirmed but I’m so fucking pissed dagenais is there.

 

Happy Annie @sunshinebutterflies

I need JJ to look at me like that 😩

 

replying to @sunshinebutterflies
JJ Dagenais’ wife @penelope

Ik like god if you’re real plz let him know I’m single

 

J @imsofuckingacaredrightnow

Are you fucking kidding me?? What will we even call this?? We have shayden we have shayj what is this?? shayjden??????

 

replying to @imsofuckingscaredrightnow
April @showersbringmayflowers

This is making me realize no one’s shipped Hayden and JJ!! Why not??

 

replying to@showersbringmayflowers
Raiders over party @belcrovelc

Girl please be serious

 

LET’S GO METROS!!!!!! @katseyeoverturn

What??? I just- what!!!!!!

 

Jamie 🍎 @metroafterparty

Wait this is actually so buzzy…

 

Shane Hollander’s perky nipples @betsyspiderfriend

Ohhh Shaney you’re so desired you’re turning straight men gay 😮‍💨

 

SHAYDEN OR SHAYJ @HELPMECHOOSE

Guess I’ll have to change my display name…

*Video of Ruth from Nerdy Prudes Must die saying “Oh! It’s better than I ever imagined!”*

 

John 🥶 @johnsmithidaho

They’re not fucking gay this is just how bros look at each other

 

replying to @johnsmithidaho
I stand with my cancelled coworker @westerensset

Fuck kinda friends do you have? 🤨

 

Hollander’s omega slick @annabanana

Did we rlly expect two alphas to just ignore the sheer power of Shane’s omega pheromones

 

replying to @annabanana
Jenny 😁 @asinglemomwhoworks2jobs

Anna?? Is this you?

 

replying to @asinglemomwhoworks2jobs
Hollander’s omega slick @annabanana

OMG MOM WHAT ARE TOU DOINF ON TWITTER!!!!!

 

Carlton @user27382929

Honestly not surprised I’m heard a lot of rumors about Hollander apparently being everyone’s hallpass so maybe pikes wife is ok with it??

 

replying to @user27382929
S 🧚 @puppysai

Omg I’ve heard of this!! Apparently they literally call him hollpass??

 

replying to @puppysai
bylerpilled @luv_me1508

Omg plz tell me this is real this is so fucking funny 😭😭

 

🐇 @thistimeimreallygonnadoit

This is genuinely so fucking shocking like the left wing and the defense are genuinely so horny for their captain

 

Johnny @montrealfann1

What’s with all the fucking weirdos here bro they’re not fucking gay

 

Emma 🌈💕 @shanehollanderslactating

In all my years in rpfing never did I expect for this to happen

 

Shane Hollander’s sexy glasses @dhdhdhd

DW Y’ALL I’M GETTING TO WORK WRITING THIS!!! CHECK THE SHAYJ AND SHAYDEN TAGS CUZ THIS IS COMING SOON (JUSR LIKE SHANE 😏)

 

Shayj is real 2 me @hot_tropic

After fighting all those racist shaydens I feel kinda vindicated but ofc #hes still ruining shit for me

 

Trinity my baby @pittlipinaworldtakeover

Not even a hockey fan but holy shit 😭 if I didn’t like rpf I do now

 

Everyone left the building but I’m still here @user1001828

Rpf gotta stop y’all

 

Savannah || the marauders freak @djeos1993

#shayjden STOCKS UP!!!! I’M WITH IT!!!!!

 

 

Ilya gets a notification. Yes he’s following a Shane Hollander update account (at least it’s on a secret account). How else is he going to get updates?

You think Shane tells him things?

It’s not that Shane hides stuff it’s just that he,one, doesn’t see many things as note worthy and two, is very oblivious.

Of fucking course when he opens it he sees his boyfriend getting eye fucked by the 2nd and 15th (Dagenais and Pike respectively) best players on the Metros!

He feels his eye twitch and he can’t help but comment.

 

Shane Hollander IS MINE @lily14101221

what the fuck is this???? why are nasty pike and ok Dagenais creeping on him?????

 

replying to @lily14101221
Shane Hollander IS MINE @lily14101221

NASTY PERVERTS STAY AWAY FROM

HIM!!!!!

 

He’s sure it won’t do anything but it feels good to put into the world.

After that he opens the group chat (that Shane forced him into!) with himself, Shane, Dagenais, and that fucking degenerate Pike.

 

Rozanov: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS


🤢🤮NASTY PIKE🤮🤢: I really don’t have an answer for you dude…

 

Rozanov: do not call me dude.

I’m not your fucking buddy.

 

Dagenais: there’s rlly nothing to explain 😬

 

🤢🤮NASTY PIKE🤮🤢: Jackie just caught us at a bad time

 

Rozanov: 1 do not blame sweet Jackie.

2 are you saying it is bad to like my Shane?? You think there is something wrong with him????

 

🤢🤮NASTY PIKE🤮🤢: Well wtf do you want us to say man

 

Rozanov: i want u to die

 

Shanebunny 🥰😚😘🤗💕🐇: Ilya!

 

Rozanov: sorry my lobe 😘😘😘💕💕💕💕

 

Shanebunny 🥰😚😘🤗💕🐇: What is this even about?

 

Dagenais: Shane do you just never check Twitter? I swear you always know nothing 🤣

 

Rozanov: watch ur fucking tone.

 

Shanebunny 🥰😚😘🤗💕🐇: Someone tell me what’s going on.


🤢🤮NASTY PIKE🤮🤢: Jackie took a pic of you me and JJ and posted it on her insta and the fans saw it

 

Shanebunny 🥰😚😘🤗💕🐇: Well that doesn’t sound bad at all?

Jackie always posts such nice pictures?

 

Rozanov: trust me zaychik this was NOT nice AT ALL!!!!!!!!

 

Shanebunny 🥰😚😘🤗💕🐇: Ok I just saw it.

Ilya what are you making a big deal for?

Hayden and JJ do that all the time?

 

Dagenais: bro…

 

🤢🤮NASTY PIKE🤮🤢: Shane please I have a wife and kids

I have so much to live for

Rozanov: lol

this is so funny

i am laughing

haha

😂

 

Dagenais: its so over

 

Shanebunny 🥰😚😘🤗💕🐇: What is??

 

🤢🤮NASTY PIKE🤮🤢: Our lives Shane.

 

Shanebunny 🥰😚😘🤗💕🐇: Oh stop being so dramatic.

It’s not like Ilya’s going to do anything to you. 🙄

 

Dagenais: thats what u think buddy

ill miss u capitaine 🙏💔

 

🤢🤮NASTY PIKE🤮🤢: Tell Jackie I was the one that ate her fancy bakery cupcake

And tell Amber to stop eating glue

 

Rozanov: not even joking anymore i WILL TELL HER

how dare you pike evil praying on my sweet Shaney pie and stealing from your sweet wife

you disgust me

 

Shanebunny 🥰😚😘🤗💕🐇: Ilya you literally stole my muffin that was also from a fancy bakery.

 

Rozanov: WHAT!!! BETRAYED BY OWN MY SWEET WIFE!!!!

 

Shanebunny 🥰😚😘🤗💕🐇: I told you to stop calling me that.

 

Rozanov: oh shut up i see how it makes u blush 😏


🤢🤮NASTY PIKE🤮🤢: Ok ew

Do that in a private chat guys

 

Dagenais: eh i dont mind

i think its sweet

 

Rozanov: look at p**e so nasty and homophobic and Dagenais so not homophobic

i will let u live Dagenais.

do not make me regret this.

 

Dagenais: AW HELL YEAH

 

🤢🤮NASTY PIKE🤮🤢: What the fuck??

So I still die???

 

Shanebunny 🥰😚😘🤗💕🐇: Ugh everyone shut up.

Ilya if this post bothers you so bad why not post your own?

And you can’t kill Hayden. 🙄

 

🤢🤮NASTY PIKE🤮🤢: Thank you Shane!

But how’s that gonna work?

You guys aren’t even out?

 

Shanebunny 🥰😚😘🤗💕🐇: Well maybe kill him a little for being so dumb.

 

🤢🤮NASTY PIKE🤮🤢: What the fuck!!

 

Shanebunny 🥰😚😘🤗💕🐇: We’ve been planning on revealing our relationship for a while but haven’t found the right way to do it.

This is the perfect opportunity.

 

Rozanov: 😈 yes I will kill p*kw for u bby 😈

And ZAYCHIK!!!

YOU ARE A GENIOUS!!!

I MUST GO FIND THE PERFECT PICTURE

TWITTER WONT KNOW WHAT TO DO AFTER THIS!!!!!!

 

Shanebunny 🥰😚😘🤗💕🐇: Hope that’s a good thing. 🙂

 

Ilya Rozanov 81 @officialbostonroz

You look at him but he only looks at me 😏

*A photo of Shane and Ilya. Shane’s looking at Ilya with the biggest heart eyes, he’s also got a sweet little smile on his face. Ilya’s not better though, he’s looking at Shane like he’s never seen anything more precious.*

 

Notes:

Sorry if the way ppl on twt act is unrealistic hehe X))

Thank you for reading!!