Chapter Text

He wakes up from the feeling of someone’s lips on his temple.

Tobio reluctantly opens his eyes, lids heavy, fighting the urge to close them again as if he’s being begged to return into the sleep’s embrace.

He raises on his elbow a little and glances at the alarm on the nightstand to the left of the bed.

The digital clock says it’s ‘05:16 am’.

Shocked, Kageyama realizes that there’s no lump of flowers in his throat anymore.

Somewhere from the kitchen he hears a strangely familiar, calm melody of some song (that is, as he can understand, in english) and frying pan sizzling.

"I’m cooking breakfast for us," he hears Oikawa-san’s voice really close to him and Tobio catches something close to pride in it. "I think I got much better since the last time."

Oikawa-san?

Cooking him breakfast?

He turns over on the other side and sees… Oikawa-san sitting on the edge of his bed. The one and only.

He looks at Tobio with aching gentleness, a fair smile appears on his lips.

His usually perfectly styled hair is messy—probably from tossing and turning during the night—and he looks unfamiliarly domestic like this.

For a moment, Tobio can only stare at him too struck and afraid that if he blinks, Oikawa-san will vanish as if he was never there in the first place.

And it seems like he notices his confusion. He rolls his eyes and chuckles softly. Then he breaks into his signature sly smile that typically made all the girls faint.

And well, he can’t even blame them. Because Oikawa-san’s smile has always made his knees weak and turned his cheeks deep red.

"Good morning, Tobio-chan," says Oikawa-san in his melodic voice interrupting the silence, sim fingers lightly poke Kageyama’s nose. "Seems like you’re still not used to us being together."

Together?

And that is the very moment when Tobio feels fully awakened.

A ray of early, barely risen sun shines through the half-open window bringing a breath of summer coolness into the room and illuminates a series of Polaroids as if framing them in gold.

The first photo shows Oikawa-san with his arm thrown over Tobio’s shoulder. He playfully winks at the camera while Kageyama sits beside him with a frown (but his true emotions are betrayed by the telltale blush).

On the second one it’s now Tobio (cheeks are still embarrassingly red) pecks Oikawa on the corner of his lips.

The third one depicts their kiss.

Tobio doesn’t remember these photos at all as if someone wiped out his memories.

He can’t even imagine how the hell did Oikawa-san manage to convince him to go to some photo booth knowing that he loathes being photographed.

"Well, seems like I’m indeed not used to it," Tobio finally responds. "I still can’t believe that it’s real…"

"'Cause it’s not real, stupid Tobio-chan." Oikawa-san’s expression turns unreadable as if by a snap of fingers. "It’s all in your head."

The dream melts away right in front of Kageyama’s eyes. 

Chapter one:

"This love left a permanent mark"

“You were destined for me. Perhaps as a punishment".

A long time ago… 

It’s late evening and heavy rain is pounding on the glass. The lighting strikes cut sharply through the sky outside of the window, and the trees are swaying in the gusting wind. 

It’s been about two minutes since Kageyama-san has returned home from work. 

After taking off her wet coat and heels, she leaves her umbrella to dry in the hallway along with her bag, and then walks into the living room.

She sits down in front of the TV, turns it on—and then the soft voice of the news reporter fills the room. 

She doesn’t pay much attention to it. 

"Can you tell me about soulmates, mommy?"

She has just noticed Tobio who’s  settled on the other side of the couch. 

She has always marveled his ability to sneak up like that on her or Miwa during the day without making any sound and scaring them nearly to death, while at the same moment, proceed to stomp around the house with such noise that, she has no doubt, could be heard all the way to Tokyo, every time he went to get himself a glass of water. 

"Well, good evening to you too, Tobio," she says, clearly exhausted. Her bun, which was so neat in the morning, is now disheveled by the end of the day. A couple of strands are now falling over her forehead. Her blue eyes, identical to his, reflect the weariness that has accumulated over the long days of a restless week filled with tasks, demands and deadlines. 

Tobio looks down at the floor guiltily. 

His mom has just come back and he’s already bothering her with questions without even greeting her first.  

"Hello, mommy," he says quietly, still feeling slightly awkward. "So, will you tell me about soulmates?" His big cornflower eyes are filled with a spark of genuine childlike curiosity. 

Her gaze softens, lips curving in a ghostly smile. 

"I will." She is silent for several moments taking time to gather her thoughts. "Soulmates, or in other words, kindred spirits—are people who were destined for each other by fate, people who are meant to walk through this life side by side." She is silent for a short time and by her blank gaze, it seems like she, all of the sudden, remembered something. She feels her eyes begin to water from an unexpected rush of memories. "Wait a second." 

She rises from the couch and heads to the kitchen. 

When she’s back, she’s holding a cup of tea, places it on the small table in front of them and sits down again. 

"By the way, what caused such interest, Tobio?" she asks after taking a sip, calming up a bit. 

"Well… I accidentally overheard how Miwa-nee was talking with one of her girlfriends about soulmates and how she can’t wait to find her own…" Tobio frowns and briefly glances at TV getting distracted by a familiar melody. Mom’s favorite show is about to start. "And how do you find them?" 

"The bond between people forms in the most emotional moment." Another strand of hair falls out of her bun and she decides to finally loosen it completely by removing the pin. "Oh, just like that!" she points to the screen. 

The episode starts with a young man bursting out loudly, ‘I love you!’ looking at someone in front of him with clear desperation on his face. 

Pause.

The screen is now showing a shocked girl. 

In the next moment, they both wince in pain as their names begin to appear on their wrists, cutting through their skin. 

In the following frame, they start to passionately make out to some snotty romantic music playing in the background. 

Symbolically, it’s also raining in the scene but it goes completely unnoticed by the lovers despite both of them looking soaked to the bone. 

"And this can happen at any time in your life. In some cases, the bond between soulmates is formed after ten years of knowing each other. Before that, you can only guess." 

"Guess?"

"Your heart will recognize the familiarity." Then her attention is fully overtaken by whatever is happening on the screen. "One day, you’ll understand."

They don’t talk about anything else for the rest of the evening. 

To be honest, the idea of soulmates had intrigued him for a long while. That one overheard conversation was more like the final straw. 

After all, they are simply everywhere. In movies and series, which are on TV on a daily basis. In reality shows like "Find Your Soulmate in Thirty Days!", in shojo manga, volumes of which occupy several shelves in his sister's closet. In the advertisements for another perfume brand on every street corner, which, according to the founder, can attract a potential soulmate, and which Miwa-nee begged their mom to buy her as a birthday present. 

One day, while walking with his sister and grandfather and stumbling upon a similar advertisement, Tobio asked: "What is ‘soulmates?’""looking up at Kazuo-san with those big blue eyes of his. 

He paused, looked at him back with something Tobio couldn’t quite decipher and then started talking about something else entirely, as if he hadn't heard his question at all. 

Much later after they returned home, Miwa told him that grandpa’s soulmate was their grandma who died before Tobio was even born. She then continued and explained that soulmates are a "sensitive topic" to him and Tobio shouldn’t talk about it in his presence. 

When he asked the same thing again, this time, her—Miwa brushed the question off and answered something like, ‘You’ll understand once you're older’

"It’s late, Tobio. Go to bed," says mom leaning down to press a quick kiss on his forehead. "Good night." 

"Good night." 

Later, when he’s lying in his bed, Tobio falls asleep to incoherent thoughts and images spinning in his head, all in relation to one single question of what kind of person his soulmate will turn out to be. 

***

Present. 

Tobio wakes up an hour later than he was supposed to. 

“Tobio, why are you still in bed?! You’re going to be late!” His mom is banging on the door, then she slightly opens it and persistently and, with a clear irritation in her voice, adds, "So hurry up if you don’t want to embarrass yourself on your first day!" 

The clock shows 8:00am 

Damn. 

He washes up and gets dressed in a hurry (thank God his shirt and pants were ironed the day before, so at least he doesn’t have to waste his time on that) and then rushes out without even having breakfast. 

The morning greets him with April's coolness. The air is filled with the fragrant scent of newly blossomed cherry trees, mixed with the sweet aroma of fresh pastries and rich coffee from the nearby cafe, where his mom often stops by before heading to work. 

He runs to the stop and of course the bus closes its doors right under his nose when he’s seconds away from getting in, and Tobio has to wait for another one praying to get to school on time. 

Finally, he grabbes the next bus and for the rest of the ride, he just watches how the scenery changes as he becomes farther from home. 

When he finally gets in the place, he rushes to the gates, noticing that there is no huge crowd in front of the school, which means that everyone is already in the main hall. 

He finds the right door and quietly enters, trying to attract as little attention as possible. 

Tobio sits down on the fifth row from the end between two boys of his age. 

The one on his right has light brown hair and bags under his eyes so big, that they make an impression that he hasn’t slept for at least a week. 

The one on his left got black hair and a haircut that instantly reminds Tobio of a pineapple (it makes him smile a bit at the comparison) and dark eyes that seem to be focused at the stage in front of them. His shirt is slightly wrinkled, as if it was ironed at the very last minute. 

And considering that the stage lights are still off, and people around him are still whispering to each other, probably thinking that they’re very quiet but in reality, making such a noise that could rival the one if they were talking in full volume, Tobio, to his luck, isn’t late. 

"I hope I didn’t take someone else’s seat," says Kageyama to the boy on the right. 

"Well, there was some girl before, but she went out to the bathroom about five minutes ago and still hasn't returned. So you can stay there." 

"And the girl?" 

"She’ll be alright," the boy replies. "I’m sure there are still some seats." 

Silence falls between them for a short moment. 

Then: 

"I’m Kunimi Akira, by the way," says the boy and then he turns to Tobio and nods, not being able to bow properly. 

"Kageyama Tobio," answers Tobio and nods back. 

He then looks at the guy on the left again and finds out that his name is Kindaichi Yutaro. The moment after they briefly smiled to each other, the headmaster finally appears on the stage with a solemn speech about the upcoming academic year. 

And though Tobio doesn’t have any idea about what’s going to happen next, he sure in one thing: 

By the end of the celebration, he will leave this hall with two new friends. 

***

They meet again at the gym. 

Tobio doesn’t notice them at first, being too captivated by the game that unfolds down at the court. 

Right now, all eyes of the large audience on the benches are glued to the match between Kitagawa Daichi against some school named ‘Yukigaoki’ which Tobio has never heard of before. 

And though many other players flit in front of Tobio with their bright, colorful uniforms, his gaze not once left the player with the number “1” on his back. 

Oikawa Tooru. 

The captain.  

Tobio watches him walking to the position preparing for the serve. 

His chocolate hair, which almost reaches his shoulders, is now damp with sweat. 

Something similar to the dark anticipation is dancing in the look of his brown eyes. 

His deceptively delicate facial features… 

Tobio catches sight of the group of some girls on the opposite side of the stadium. They are whispering about something to each other, giggling every now and then glancing at Oikawa. They point thin fingers in his direction. They shoot their eyes and smile shyly, blushing whenever he casts them a playful smirk.  

And to be honest, Tobio gets them. 

‘Cause Tobio himself isn’t sure that he’s ever met someone as beautiful as Oikawa Tooru before. 

He spends a couple of seconds preparing. 

Then he jumps.

The audience’s holding its breath. 

He strikes the ball with the force of a professional boxer attacking his opponent. 

The ball lands on the other side of the net in a span of a few seconds while a confused rival team tries to make sense of what has just happened. 

But it’s not only his insane serve that gets his attention. 

Tobio quickly realizes that Oikawa is an extremely talented setter. 

Every toss goes right in the hands of his teammates and though Tobio can’t hear it from the bleachers, judging by how they smile at their captain—he praises them every time they get another point. 

During little breaks between sets, he caringly pats their backs or shoulders and softly asks something like: “Is everything alright?” 

In the span of the next several minutes Yukigaoki barely manages to score but luck isn’t on their side for long. 

Kageyama belatedly realizes that Oikawa isn’t the only one who captured his attention. The number "4",  Iwaizumi Hajime (as the caption on his back says)—their ace, as it seems—has just instantly punched the ball through the opponent's defense after accepting Oikawa’s flawless pass. 

"They’re unbelievable, right?" he hears an awed Kindaichi’s voice next to him and shudders, not expecting to run into them so soon. "Can’t wait to become part of their team!" 

"Yeah… No wonder Kitagawa’s considered to be one of the strongest schools in prefecture," echoes Kunimi, mesmerized. 

"You guys too want to join them?" asks Tobio, finally finding strength to divert from the match. 

"Well, of course," says Akira in the tone of someone who was forced to explain that two plus two equals four. "We would’ve come here otherwise, don’t you think?" 

And to that, Tobio has nothing to say. 

The score is 25:24 in favor of Kitagawa Daichi. 

Oikawa and Iwaizumi high-five each other, and then the whole team crashes into a hug. 

The audience explodes with enthusiastic screams, chants, and applause. 

***

Much later, after the game when all the little nuances are solved and discussed with the coach, and their names are now listed among the members of the team, they’re introduced to Oikawa Tooru. 

He winks at them and asks, playfully, what positions they would like to take. 

Kindaichi firmly answers that he wants to be a middle blocker.

Kunimi says that he wouldn’t mind playing as a wing spiker, hiding nervousness behind nonchalance. 

Tobio—voice shaking and stuttering—mumbles that he wants to take the setter's position. 

And then, Oikawa (either because he misheard him or just pretended to) asks him to repeat what he has just said. 

"I’m going to be a setter!" says Tobio in a much louder voice and so all eyes are on him now. 

He raises his head, looking directly at Oikawa’s eyes. 

The gaze Oikawa returns has something strange in it, his jaws are clenched tightly. 

Tobio doesn’t understand yet that it’s not a good sign at all. 

***

"Maybe we can solve some puzzles?" 

The lights are dim in the hallway, Tobio and Akira are sitting on the coach looking at Yutaro who’s standing in front of them holding a puzzle box in his hands. 

"Do you remember what happened the last time we did?" Akira raises a brow skeptically. 

By ‘the last time’ Akira means that one incident a couple of months ago when the three of them were searching for one puzzle piece for four and a and half hours, during which they managed to fight about ten times and almost broke the entire house, only to eventually find out that the said piece had fallen next to the table leg—consider right under their noses. 

"So what are you suggesting, smartass?" Kindaichi snorts and judging by his expression, Akira isn’t the only one who remembers that situation clearly. 

"I suggest we watch a movie," says Tobio in Kunimi’s stead. "Maybe some horror."

"So you’ll be shaking and shrieking like a girl at every screamer again?" Yutaro answers mockingly. 

"I wasn’t shrieking!" and then Tobio grabs a closest lying pillow and throws it at Kindaichi, who’s still smirking at him. 

Akira bursts out laughing and Tobio shoves at his side. 

They finally decide to put on some shitty American slasher. Tobio still flinches at every loud sound. 

Kindaichi and Kunimi are still teasing him about it. 

***

It’s quiet in the Kitagawa Daichi’s gym. 

The practice is over, his teammates slowly disperse, sauntering towards the locker room. 

Only three of them remain. 

Oikawa-san has his back on him.

He can only see Iwaizumi-san’s displeased face.

"Are you sure you wanna stay?" he sighs, running his hand through sweat-soaked hair. 

"I have to if I’m planning to be the best, Iwa-chan," there is a steely note of determination in Oikawa's voice instead of the usual playfulness and coquetry. 

Iwaizumi-san just nods in response as if finally coming to terms with his best friend’s unyielding stubbornness. 

He grunts something like, "Fine, do whatever you want!" but before he turns around to leave, he notices Tobio behind Oikawa and looking him right in his eyes, he says:

"Are you staying too, Kageyama-kun?" 

Oikawa-san swiftly turns around with clear irritation on his face. 

"Why the hell are you still here?" he hisses. 

"Tooru," says Iwaizumi-san and it sounds like a warning. His hand falls on Oikawa’s shoulder in an attempt to calm him down. 

"O-Oikawa-san, can I watch you practice?" Tobio mumbles unsurely, already regretting the question. 

For a few seconds, Oikawa looks at him with an unreadable expression. 

"Stay, if you’re that desperate," he answers with pretend ease. "But don’t you dare distract me. Is that clear, Tobio-chan?" 

Tobio can only nod. 

"Great," Oikawa-san moves to a serving position, preparing to start. 

"So…" Iwaizumi-san roughly throws his bag over his shoulder. "See you tomorrow!" 

"Bye!" Oikawa and Tobio answer at the same time. 

The door closes with a soft slam. 

The remaining two and a half hours fly by unnoticed by Tobio. 

Watching Oikawa-san has always taken his breath away. 

Watching the way he effortlessly reads the game so that he can make perfect tosses, the way he interacts with the team, managing to find an approach to everyone, if not immediately, then certainly later… 

And, of course, Tobio thinks that he won’t be able to break away from Oikawa-san's serve, even with a gun pointed at him. 

"Are you going to sit there all night?" getting carried away and having lost track of time, immersed in thoughts and attempts to analyze, to figure out how Oikawa-san manages to play like this Tobio does not notice that Oikawa-san has already finished, and now takes out a bottle of water from his bag. 

Tobio startles from the sound of his voice as if waking up from a spell. He stands up and bows his senpai, saying at last, "Thank you, Oikawa-san!" and almost runs out of the gym. 

Oikawa rolls his eyes as he hears the door shut behind him loudly. 

"What a weirdo…" he whispers to himself. 

***

Warm wind tangles in their hair and the grass tickles the parts of their skin which are not hidden by their clothes. 

Gathering with Yutaro and Akira like that, hiding from the heat under the tree has become Tobio’s habit. 

Usually they would just rest from the scorching sun, shortly exchanging small phrases. 

But the silence between them that could’ve lasted for hours was never confusing. 

Comforting. 

A necessity even. 

Tobio sits with his back against the tree trunk, head thrown back. A couple strands of bangs fall over his face, which makes him have to blow them away. 

His eyes are closed. 

Yeah, the swelter’s unbearable these days. 

Kunimi’s head lies on Tobio’s lap, Akira’s attention is fully caught up by the book he is reading. It seems to be a classic novel about soulmates—definitely a summer assignment. 

Yutaro sits next to Tobio, slowly finishing eating a green apple. 

"You guys ever thought about who might be your soulmate?" asks Akira, raising his eyes from the book. 

Tobio instantly opens his eyes. 

Kindaichi stops chewing. 

Pause.

Yutaro frowns and says scratching the back of his head, "Honestly, I don’t have any ideas," he bites from the apple again and continues with his mouth full, trying to sound as clear as possible, "But it would be cool if it turns out to be someone of you." 

"And even cooler if it’s both of you" he thinks, blushing deeply but the words remain unsaid. 

Tobio and Akira look at him in disbelief, Kunimi even puts down the book and rises from Kageyama's lap. 

Akira then clears his throat and switches to Tobio in an attempt to smooth the awkwardness out. "And you, Tobio? Do you have any idea who it might be?" 

Well, he indeed has a theory of sorts. But he’s afraid to even think about it for more than two seconds, least to say it out loud. 

He remembers that from the moment he entered Kitagawa Dai's gym, his gaze never once left Oikawa-san. Tobio remembers how he couldn't take his eyes off his game, admiring his ability to almost read the minds of his teammates. 

And, of course, he remembers the way he interacted with Iwaizumi-san. 

One is always certain for the other's tosses, and the other is sure that the first one will certainly hit them off. 

These two are definitely going to end up being soulmates, Tobio has no doubts. 

And even then… 

He still feels inevitably drawn to Oikawa-san. 

At first he tried to rationalize it by convincing himself that it’s only his fascination with him as a player. With his skills—his technique, his leadership abilities. That the only reason he’s following him around asking him to teach, or show him something, even things that he understands perfectly without his guidance, is just volleyball. 

Not the desire to be as close to Oikawa-san as possible. At all. 

But later, he began to feel a burning sensation in his chest. As if something inside him was desperately trying to reach Oikawa-san. 

The feeling that brought up an old memory of that one conversation with mom about soulmates. 

The feeling that he was somehow Oikawa-san’s missing part, he doesn’t even know he’s lacking. 

The feeling as if Tobio’s soul has recognized him. 

"Your heart will know the familiarity. One day, you’ll understand."

But the very thought of it sounded like madness. 

Oikawa-san is meant for Iwaizumi-san. 

Iwaizumi-san is meant for Oikawa-san and there’s no place for Tobio in the bond like theirs.

"Hey, Earth’s calling Tobio!" Tobio flinches when Yutaro starts snapping his fingers in front of his face trying to get his attention. 

Kunimi and Kindaichi look at him expectantly. 

"Well, I, too, didn’t think much of it…" Tobio hated lying. The reason is that he sucks at it—every time he lies, his voice shakes and ears become red. Just like right now. 

"Seriously, dude? You’ve dropped out of reality for ten minutes just to say, ‘I didn’t think much of it’?" Yutaro raises his voice, finishing the remaining little piece of apple. 

To that, Kunimi snorts skeptically and rolls his eyes. 

"It wasn’t for ten minutes!" says Tobio, annoyed and frowns. 

"As if it matters…" says Yutaro and clicks his tongue. 

It’s silent again. 

And then: 

"And what are your thoughts, Akira? Who is your soulmate?" says Tobio turning to him.

"I guess, it’s someone from our team," Kumimi returns to his book. 

Then they will lie down on the grass watching the clouds for a long time, exclaiming every now and then something like, ‘This one looks like a butterfly!’ or ‘And this one is just like a cat!’ til’ the sky goes dark. 

***

"Oikawa-san, please teach me how to serve!" 

"Not now, Tobio-chan," Tooru clenches his jaw barely holding back from snapping at his kouhai. He’s looking somewhere past Tobio, gaze devoid from any emotion.

Then he swiftly grabs his bag, turns around and heads towards the gym exit to the locker room.  

They lost to Ushijima Wakatoshi today. 

Tobio almost rushes after him but Iwaizumi-san blocks his way. 

"Kageyama-kun, Tooru is really tired." Everyone knows when Iwaizumi-san calls Oikawa-san by his name without those stupid nicknames, things are truly bad. "Try another time." 

And then he leaves too. 

"Oh, come on, Tobio…" he hears Kunimi saying and turns to him. 

"You know that Ushijima Wakatoshi is Oikawa-san’s number one enemy. There’s one thing he hates more than losing and it’s losing to him," now it’s Yutaro who’s talking while wiping his forehead from sweat with the hem of his T-shirt. 

Akira nods in agreement. 

The squeak of sneakers on the floor.

A faint slam of the door.

Tobio is alone now. 

***

It’s Tuesday, meaning that their first class is literature. 

Very boring, ragingly hated by Tobio, literature. 

He looks outside the window while Fujimoto-san explains something about the symbolism in works of some kind of classic author. 

In his opinion, watching how autumn leaves fall is much more interesting. Or well, literally anything else might be much more interesting than that. 

Suddenly something lightly hits the back of his head and then lands on his desk. 

It’s a note with the question: ‘Where?’ 

At first, it doesn’t make sense to Tobio but he quickly catches up that Kindaichi and Kunumi decided to play one of their favorite games again. The game that his sister originally taught him (and Miwa, in turn, was taught by one of her foreign friends) and which he showed his friends about a month ago. 

The rules are ridiculously simple: there’s a list of questions (‘Who?’, ‘Where?’, ‘When?’, ‘What did they do?’, ‘What did they say’ and ‘How did it end?’). The order of the questions could change, as could the questions themselves. Each player writes down the answer to his question on a piece of paper, folds it up and passes it on.

Tobio writes: ‘On the Fujimoto-san’s table’ grinning, and while she’s facing the board he manages to write the next question: ‘What happened next?’ and throws the note at Kindaichi’s table, as the previous one came from Kunimi. 

They exchange notes two more times, giggling and sometimes even bursting out laughing and desperately trying to disguise it with coughs. 

And when the note with the complete sentence ends up on Tobio’s table again, he doesn't even have time to unwrap it before Fujimoto-san, irritated, snatches it out of his hands.

She unwraps it herself and reads out loud, "Pompompurin and Spider-Man were singing obscene songs on Fujimoto-san's desk, and then they were yelled at," she looks up in disbelief. 

Soft chuckles ripple through the classroom. 

"Is it some kind of code?" Fujimoto-san sighs heavily then crumples the note and throws it in the trash. "You have detention, Kageyama-kun."

Yutaro and Akira send him sympathetic glances, and Kindaichi mouths, "Good luck, man," with an encouraging smile. 

And maybe he’s lucky, or Fujimoto-san is in a really good mood today, Tobio gets off with her only insistently asking him to listen during her lessons closely and not doing ‘that thing’ again. 

***

"Oikawa-san, please teach me how to serve!"

Oikawa-san walks past him. 

And Tobio can’t wrap his head around why he’s like that only with him. 

After all, he has repeatedly observed how he behaves with other team members. 

If Kindaichi or Kunimi (or literally anyone on the team besides Tobio) asked Oikawa-san for advice, something like, ‘How can I improve my handset?’ he would come up with a long explanation, absolutely sincere in his desire to help. 

His answers are always full and informative, he always is patient enough to repeat the same thing several times. He doesn’t hesitate to offer help himself… 

Tobio, on the other hand, has only received burning glances at his back that were simply impossible not to feel, teasing, more teasing, irritated eye rolls at any questions and ridiculous excuses every time he asked him to teach. 

Couple of times he heard others calling him ‘genius’. 

And if it was someone else in Oikawa-san’s place, Tobio would’ve thought that they’re just jealous. 

But how could someone like Oikawa-san, someone who is an incredible, talented setter and whose tosses are always accurate (Hell will probably freeze before he miscalculates), someone, who is a reliable captain who knows all the weaknesses and strengths of his teammates, as well as being able to clearly detect them in the rivals, be jealous of Tobio? 

How could Oikawa-san, who is praised by his coaches and has a dedicated fan club of at least a dozen girls, see Kageyama as a threat? 

Genuinely, how’s it even possible? 

He's no match for him, doesn't Oikawa-san realize that? 

"It’s pointless, Tobio." Kindaichi approaches from behind, putting his hand on his shoulder, squeezing it lightly. 

"I just don’t understand," he says, voice shaking. He takes a deep breath to keep his emotions at bay. "Why is he like this only with me?"  He turns to him and finds Yutaro’s sympathetic look. 

"Maybe it’s ‘cause he just can’t forgive you that one time you accidentally threw a ball at his head?” Kindaichi tries to smile but it seems forced. 

There’s a ghost of a smile, flashing on Tobio’s face which immediately disappears the moment he hears Akira’s next words, "He sees you as his rival." 

He’s straightforward as always. 

"But… we’re on the same team," says Tobio, confused. 

"And that just makes everything worse. Listen, Tobio…" Akira takes out a bottle of water and drinks. "I would advise you to give up. Or, I don’t know, ask someone else?" Then he wipes his mouth with his hand and throws an empty bottle back to his bag to then throw it away. 

"But I want to learn his serve!" He just doesn’t get it. Oikawa-san is his senpai, isn’t he? Isn’t he supposed to teach him? Pay attention to him like he does to others?  

"Well, in that case… Don’t act surprised when he’ll deny you again or lose his temper completely."

Tobio doesn’t respond. 

***

"Oikawa-san, please teach me how to serve!"

At any other time, Oikawa would’ve just walked by, completely ignoring his request or mocked him with some sarcastic remark like, ‘What, a genius setter like you can’t manage without me?’ while Tobio would wonder for a hundredth time why everyone suddenly decided that he was a ‘genius’ at all. 

But this time, it’s different. 

For a few moments Oikawa-san looks at Tobio without seeing him, face unreadable. 

And in the next second Tobio feels his cheek burning with a slap  to Iwaizumi-san's loud, shocked ‘Tooru!’ 

The hit is so strong that Tobio falls on the floor. 

And then painfully familiar names begin to form on the wrists of both—Tobio and Oikawa. 

The realization isn’t immediate. 

"No!" Tooru grabs his hair hysterically, a storm raging in his eyes. "You can’t be my soulmate and you won’t!" He screams at Tobio’s face and then rushes off the gym. 

The door closes with a loud snap. 

Iwaizumi helplessly watches Oikawa go. 

Tobio feels tears welling up in his eyes, a lump forming in his throat. 

Well, at least now he understands why he’s been so drawn to him from the very second he came here to watch their game months ago. 

Why he, even understanding the absurd, couldn’t fight this strange feeling that they’re somehow connected. 

Iwaizumi-san turns to him, saying, "Kageyama-kun, listen to me closely," he swallows nervously, noticing Tobio’s state—tears streaming down his face, lips trembling, "Oikawa… please, try to understand him. He has always seen you as his potential replacement," he stutters, "right from the moment you said that you want to be a setter." Tobio whimpers and Iwaizumi can’t help but feel how guilt is gripping his heart. He sits in front of Tobio and wipes a tear from his cheek. "Tooru and I… We were together for as long as I can remember, thinking that one day we’ll become soulmates," he chuckles bitterly looking away, probably remembering the time when they were just kids. "He just wasn’t ready for all this, you know?"

As if Tobio was… 

Tobio can only nod. 

Iwaizumi-san stands up. 

"Maybe, one day, you’ll forgive him." He glances at Tobio for the last time and walks away.

Everything that comes after that is a blur. 

Tobio is barely cautious when he gets to the locker room on stiff legs. The hand he's trying to pull on his clothes with is almost tearing at the place where the name ‘Oikawa Tooru’ is now written in a perfect, almost calligraphic handwriting. 

He doesn't remember walking to the bus stop, barely able to move. He doesn't remember getting on the bus. 

Somewhere along the ride, he spots an advertising banner for the premiere of another k-drama about soulmates. 

Tobio has never felt so much desire to tear it off, so he could no longer see those happy faces of main characters. 

And only when he steps though his home’s doorstep, he finally comes to his senses. 

Until Tobio walks to the bathroom and immediately collapses, overwhelmed by pain as it falls on him like an avalanche. 

He lies on the floor, shaking as if in a seizure. The wrist itches agonizingly, making him snatch it furiously, drawing blood. 

He thinks that maybe if he takes a razor out of a drawer and tries to cut the damn mark off, it will make him feel a little better.

Fortunately, he doesn't have the strength to even get up.

Tears stream down his cheeks uncontrollably.

At some point, he loses consciousness from the pain. 

When he opens his eyes again, he walks to the living room unsteadily (remembering that it’s where mom has left the first-aid kit the last time) and takes out the medicine. He pours some water and throws a painkiller pill into his mouth. 

And when, barely managing to get into his room—legs are like cotton and eyes full of a kaleidoscope of sparks that usually is a sign of fainting—he falls on the bed. 

Despite being exhausted like never before (even after most ruthless practice) he can’t fall asleep and doesn’t have energy to even turn on the other side, leaving him no choice but to stare at the wall. 

The blanket is crumpled now and lies somewhere at his feet. 

Eventually, he gets up, holding onto the headboard to avoid falling again and goes to the closet to take out an old stuffed bunny. 

"Happy birthday, Tobio!" His grandpa gently pats his head. "You know, you’re mom’s always nagging me on how I only talk to you about volleyball and give you only volleyball related gifts…" His smile, that was wide seconds ago, is now awkward. Apologizing almost. "So I improved and brought you…" And then he pulls out a huge white plush bunny from behind his back, which is almost the same size as Tobio himself. "Couldn't resist. Its eyes look just like yours." 

And indeed, the bunny’s eyes are as blue as Tobio’s.

"But I’m too old for the toys, grandpa!" he exclaims but still clutches it to his chest. 

"That's true. You're already six years old today... How time flies…" Grandpa scratches the back of his neck. "You know, it's your gift and it's up to you to decide what to do with it but... I would suggest keeping it. You never know, maybe you’ll need it one day." With those words he leaves Tobio's room, winking at him. 

And only when he holds the toy as tight as he would hold his grandpa if he wasn’t currently at the hospital, under many IVs and tubes, he finally manages to fall asleep. Of course, it doesn't happen immediately. For a couple of hours, he still tosses and turns, unsure of how to position himself in bed to finally get some rest for his long-suffering body, but having a plush childhood friend by his side provides a sense of long awaited comfort. 

The next morning, Tobio has no choice but to call his mom and ask her to notify the school administration that he won’t be present today because ‘he has a flu’. 

She was worried, of course and even offered to try to return early from her business trip several times, but he managed to convince her that ‘he’s just feeling a little sluggy and has a runny nose.’

Tobio doesn’t even want to imagine how she would’ve reacted if he told her the real reason behind why he was unwell. 

Despite the fact that ‘rejection’ is considered the norm and the myth that only murderers, rapists and other terrible, unworthy people get rejected by their soulmates had long been debunked, Tobio knows the truth. 

He heard from the news that a girl had been disowned by her family because her soulmate had broken off the connection. 

All of these endless k-dramas about bullying for the very same reason certainly didn’t come out of nowhere. 

Heard whispers from his classmates about how one student had to change schools to avoid shame and ridicule.  

His mom is already insanely busy with all this work.

She doesn’t need to know that her son was so ‘lucky’ that his soulmate had given up on him to add to the long list of her already existing problems. 

He tells Miwa the same bullshit he told his mom, of course.

Deep down he understands that his family will never do such a thing but what if..? And even if his family will continue to love and support him, what about everyone else? What if he gets kicked off the team? No, he can't risk volleyball, his life's purpose! 

When Miwa returns from school, she looks suspicious. She notices that Tobio's voice doesn't have a nasal quality despite his so-called ‘runny nose’ (Tobio responds to her side-eyeing him by saying that he's already taken a medicine and feels better). She also notices that he has difficulty standing up (it hurts to even turn his head, let alone change his position and the painkillers have an everlasting effect). He appears pale, and the dark circles under his eyes make him look like he hasn’t slept in years.

"You’re sure it’s nothing serious? Only running nose and sluggishness?" She raises a brow skeptically. 

"Yes, I’m sure." He nods and even tries to smile reassuringly for good measure. 

"Well, if you say so…" she responds and before walking out of his room to mind her business she adds, "Tell me if you’ll need something." 

Tobio is alone in his room. 

***

A week later he returns to school. 

He continues to practice and even manages to hide his state from his teammates. 

Tobio can’t help but notice that he started to see Oikawa-san less and less, and he realizes that his soulmate (how funny) probably has asked the coach to make certain changes in the schedule so he doesn't cross paths with Tobio as much as possible. 

The pills relieve the pain, but he still feels its echoes, so... 

He tries to show it, but after each jump when he lands, he feels as if hundreds of needles are sticking into his feet. 

He tries to save his face and not wince when he feels hands burning during another toss, and the mark hurts as if he's pressing it against a hot stove. 

He tries to ignore Kindaichi’s and Kunimi’s side-eyeing who, no matter how hard his efforts are, still notice that something is off under his ‘Don’t worry, everything is alright!’ facade. 

And he tries to accept the fact that the pills are not going away for a long, unfortunate while. 

***

When mom calls Tobio one rainy morning, Miwa asks him to put it on speaker, smiling softly and then she turns back to the stove, making sure that the thin egg pancake for the tamagoyaki won’t bubble. 

He, on the other hand, is sitting on the couch holding the phone, waiting for the long beeps to change to a voice.

The painkillers had taken effect half an hour ago, when he had sneaked into the mom’s room (this time, the first-aid kit was in her closet) to avoid waking up Miwa on the way and had taken the bottle of pills. 

There's a cup of cooling black coffee in front of him without sugar or milk, which he asked his sister to make for the first time, hoping it would give him some energy for his weakened body. She gave him a surprised look and a hesitant ‘Okay.’

The mark was still burning. Probably because it needed a different kind of medicine. 

When mom—her voice breaking and on the verge of hysteria—tells them that she received a call from the hospital to inform her that their grandfather had passed away from a heart attack, Tobio feels as if his own heart has stopped as well. 

The next moment he watches as Miwa’s cup, which she was holding seconds ago and taking a sip of the very same coffee, shatters into pieces, leaving a dark puddle on the floor. 

Tobio instantly forgets about everything—his mark, which was itching only a couple of minutes ago, the pain in his whole body, the sluggishness, the drowsiness… 

Confused, he just holds the phone in a loss of words. 

"Tobio, are you even listening to me?" He hears from the speaker.

"Yes, I- I just… I can understand how could this even happ-"

"I'm just as lost as you are, Tobio but you have to try to get it together." He hears her sigh heavily. “"We still have the funeral to prepare for." She pauses, then asks, “Is Miwa with you?" 

He slowly takes his eyes away from the puddle to his pale sister, who remains frozen in place and then responds, ‘Yes’ as if in a foreign voice. 

"Good." It’s silent again for a brief moment. Then he hears her say, "I'll be there the night after tomorrow. Try to stay strong, both of you." 

And finishes the call. 

***

He doesn’t sleep the night before the funeral. 

In the morning, Tobio sees red, swollen eyes from almost constant sobbing into his pillow in the bathroom mirror, which only stopped for a short hour or half an hour, when his body just couldn't take it anymore and he fell asleep, albeit for a very short time. 

He forgets to take a pill that day. 

And it’s not surprising, to be honest.

For the first few hours, he is in such shock that he feels no weakness or pain in his body and even his soulmark seems to be deciding to have some mercy on him, not itching so much that he wants to scratch it off. 

He feels like a stand-in has taken his place for the ceremony. Any moment, the director will shout, ‘Cut!’ and this terrible scene will be finally over. 

Sadly, that’s not what’s happening. 

The voices of the monks reciting the sutras sound as if they were coming from beneath a layer of water. 

He watches his mom and Miwa light the incense and hold it at the level of their foreheads, and he does the same almost mechanically, not really processing it.  

Tobio stares into the frozen, smiling eyes of his grandfather in the portrait with an empty, unblinking gaze. 

"Let’s go, Tobio." He shudders from Miwa’s soft pat on his shoulder. "It’s time." She tries to smile but the tears in her eyes betray her real feelings. 

Tobio bows to grandpa for the last time and then allows Miwa to carefully take his arm and walk out of the hall.  

When Tobio sees the closed coffin he has only one overwhelming desire, which he can barely resist—to sit down in front of it and bang his head against the lid until he dies and lies down next to it. 

***

It’s been four days since the funeral and Tobio still can bring himself to pick up a ball. 

It feels foreign in his arms and his body’s just refusing to obey him and perform the usual, even simplest tasks (not only because of the symptoms, that had become so familiar to him, that are now like close friends, and seemed to have intensified since the funeral, but also because it feels unnatural to play volleyball now when Tobio would never hear his grandfather's praise or criticism again).

And if he’s completely honest, he can’t even manage to get up from the bed. 

He hadn't felt this bad since the day Oikawa-san broke off their bond. 

Only a couple of times does Tobio manage to force himself to pick up his phone from the bedside table to answer the calls from Yutaro and Akira, who were worrisomely asking him why he wasn't at school. (They tried to ask the teachers and the coach, but were only told that ‘Kageyama-kun is absent due to family circumstances.’)

And each time Tobio avoided the real reason, saying that his mom had just returned from a business trip and called the school to ask for a few days off.  

And it’s not like Tobio was lying. 

More telling half of the truth. 

The reason why his mother didn't want to share the true circumstances of his absence with the teachers and coach was quite clear: she didn't want to involve strangers in such details. 

But why could Tobio share them with his two best friends?

Well… 

Maybe because saying the words ‘My grandfather died’ out loud (which would be met with an eloquent silence on the other end of the phone, followed by the inevitable expressions of condolences he didn’t want to hear. Even from Yutaro and Akira), would be the ultimate acknowledgment that this is his new reality. One that he desperately doesn’t want to be a part of. 

At some point, between crying into his pillow for hours with short breaks to eat (and only because Miwa almost started spoonfeeding him. ‘This can’t keep going on, Tobio!’ She waves her hands and says almost pleadingly, ‘You need to eat! You haven't had a crumb in your mouth since the funerals!’  Then Miwa leaves  his room, but only for a couple of minutes, after which she returns with a small bowl of miso soup. ‘It’s really not much,’ she says, handing him the bowl and chopsticks. Then she looks him in the eye and adds, ‘Please eat everything.’ Tobio is about to push the bowl away, saying, ‘I’m not hungry,’ which is the same tired thing he pushed every time she asked him to eat, but then Miwa hits him with the words: ‘Grandpa wouldn’t approve.’  Then she leaves and doesn’t come back to his room for the rest of the day).

And Tobio agrees with her. Grandpa, indeed, wouldn’t approve. He can still picture his disappointed expression in every detail—his narrowed eyes, pursed lips, and that ‘Tobio-kun’ said in the same tone that movie characters usually talk when they are getting betrayed by their loved ones/friends/companions. 

So he pushes the soup closer to him and eats as much as he can—a couple of sips of broth, all the tofu and a little rice. Then takes the ball out of the closet and tries to throw it at least this way: still lying in bed, determined to get back to school and the practice on Monday. 

***

On the fifth day, very early in the morning and somewhere between dream and reality, Tobio hears some commotion from the hall—whispers between mom and Miwa, the rustling of outerwear and the sound of it being buttoned. 

Then he hears the key turning in the lock and before he falls back into sleep, he remembers that his mother had told them yesterday that she was going on another business trip, this time to South Korea. 

When he’s finally up several hours later, mom is long gone. 

He washes up, walks to the kitchen and sits in front of Miwa who seems to have already had breakfast as there’s an almost empty cup of coffee in front of her on the table.

The silence is interrupted with her quiet voice. 

"Tobio…" She avoids eye contact, wringing her hands. "I need to tell you something."

At these words Tobio swallows nervously and visibly tenses—fingers of freezing hands clench into fists until the knuckles turn white—as the good news rarely follows these words, especially said in such a tone.

After a moment of hesitation, Miwa blurts out that she's going to apply to Tokyo University of Fashion. 

Before Tobio can even react, she adds as if to justify herself that she's always dreamed of becoming a renowned fashion designer on par with global brands (he knows that her room is adorned with posters of famous models, shelves are filled with magazines as much as they are filled with manga and watching the annual fashion show has become a tradition for her a long time ago).

It means that he will have to say goodbye to her too, just in a span of several months. 

Could it get any worse? 

"I’m sorry," she looks down guiltily, eyes swollen and red. (He heard her sobbing again last night.) "I know this is the wrong time... I've been meaning to tell you for so long, but I just couldn’t find the right moment-"

"Miwa-nee," Tobio interrupts her. "I understand." He pauses for a moment and then adds, "Grandpa would’ve been proud of you anyway."

Of course, he remembers how hard it was for her to confess to him that she no longer enjoys playing volleyball. 

It’s hardly surprising, considering that grandpa graduated from Shiratorizawa with honors and then, much and much later in his career, became an accomplished coach for the Kitagawa Daichi girl’s team. 

Kazuo-san and little Tobio are sitting on the couch in front of Mom's old laptop, watching Shiratorizawa's latest match. Occasionally, grandpa pauses the recording and explains what just happened on the screen. 

The ring of the bell.

The door opens and Miwa enters the living room cautiously, as if it wasn’t her home. 

And Tobio immediately figures that something is wrong. 

She comes to them slowly, with her head low, fists clenching and unclenching and Tobio bets that her hands are cold right now. ‘Cause they always are when she’s nervous. 

"Grandpa…" she finally looks up with eyes glassy from tears. "I left the team."

Her backpack lands on the floor with a dull thud. 

Grandpa doesn't react immediately. At first, he just stares at Miwa, forgetting to pause the match. 

Somewhere in the background, Shiratorizawa scores another point, winning the second set. 

Then he stands up, walks over to Miva, and asks, detached, "Why did you do it, Miwa?" His quiet voice is filled with bewilderment. 

And Miwa thinks that it probably would’ve been so much better if he screamed at her than was giving her this look which was a balance of sadness and disappointment. 

Miwa presses her body against grandpa, feeling his gentle embrace and starts crying softly, barely able to hold her sobs. 

It takes Tobio a while to understand Miwa’s meaning.

But the moment he realizes what has just happened, he says in a small voice, "Miwa-nee, you don’t wanna play volleyball anymore?" And apparently the tone and expression on his face is the final nail in the coffin. 

Because right after she manages to respond: ‘I’m so sorry, baby…’ she presses herself to grandpa even harder and starts to further explain, through the tears streaming down her face non stop, that she really tried to make herself fall in love with volleyball but with every attempt her desire to quit only grew stronger. 

Gently stroking her head, grandpa tells her that if she doesn’t want to play, he won't let her torture herself and won't force her. 

"After all, volleyball is supposed to be fun," he utters. 

To that, Miwa calms down a little and asks him, "You really don’t mind?"

"Really."

The veil of memory finally falls and Tobio catches his sister's gaze. 

"You really think so?" her eyes sparkle with hope. 

"I do."

The thought that now is the perfect opportunity for him to open up to her in turn and tell Miwa about Oikawa-san doesn't even have time to form properly. 

He dismisses it immediately. 

***

"Is everything okay, Tobio?" Yutaro lightly shakes his shoulder. 

They are at that park again, under the same tree they were talking about soulmates, hiding under the merciless sun. It seemed like it was just yesterday. 

Now Kunimi and Kindaichi look at him with worry. 

Is everything okay, well… 

Tobio is trying, no, he's honestly trying to formulate everything that's happened to him lately. 

"Hey, guys, here’s the deal Oikawa-san turned out to be my soulmate and then immediately rejected me. My grandfather died. My sister is about to leave for Tokyo and who knows when she'll return, or if she returns at all." 

"Yes." Tobio tries to make his voice sound more confident. "Everything’s alright." 

"They most likely have their own problems. Do you really think they are interested in your whining?" 

But they are your friends, aren’t they? 

Don’t they deserve to know? 

Don’t they deserve your trust? 

"You’re sure? You just look so pale." Kunimi's tone makes it clear that he finds it difficult to believe his words. "Plus, we noticed that it got harder for you to perform some exercises." 

"Yes, it’s like you’re getting tired faster now," adds Kindaichi. 

Shit. 

They see right through him. 

There’s a short pause and then Akira breaks, saying, "Tobio… you do realize that we’re always there for you, right?" And looks deep into his eyes. 

If Kunimi and Kindaichi have noticed his condition, then everyone else will notice it sooner than he thinks. 

Miwa also grew more suspicious. A couple of times, he heard her asking, sarcastically something like: ‘Tobio, did you watch volleyball all night again’ 

He knows his sister. And he knows that behind this playful tone she hides her worry for him. 

Pretty soon he’ll run out of ideas for his excuses on why he’s so pale/exhausted/barely manages to get up in the morning or everything at once. 

"It’s alright. Really." The corners of Tobio’s lips curve up in an attempt to smile. 

He can’t tell them about how unbearably bad he feels. 

How the grandpa’s death is a wound on his heart that will probably never close and will remind him of its existence every time Tobio will pick up a ball.

He won’t tell them how, after the funerals, he walked into his room and then collapsed on the floor from the pain in his body, the ringing in his ears and the throbbing in his temples, which had hit him like a hurricane all together. 

But isn’t that what friends are for? To share with them everything—the good and the bad? 

To that, Tobio can’t answer.

***

He doesn’t notice how autumn comes to Miyagi. How the trees gradually change from green to red, orange, and gold, and how his bare feet get cold in the morning without woolen socks. 

How hot chocolate and cocoa are increasingly appearing on their kitchen shelves. 

To be honest, he barely notices everything at all after the funeral. 

Time seemed to freeze for Tobio when his grandfather's coffin was closed for forever. 

He’s dead but Tobio’s whole life is filled with memories of him. 

Every time he briefly glances at their shared pictures, he can’t help but teleport back to the days when they were taken. 

Every time he opens the first-aid kit, he can't help but remember how his grandfather did it when his health started to fail him. 

Every time he puts on some record of some match, the memories of how they used to watch them together pops up. 

He will always be with him. 

It’s both a blessing and a curse. 

***

Practice is in full swing. 

He can hear the squeak of sneakers, the sound of a ball hitting the floor, the heavy panting of his out-of-breath teammates, and the occasional whistle from the coach. 

Tobio’s fed up with all these. 

His head feels like it’s splitting.

The more he watches the teammates, the more it seems to him that they are not even trying. 

So he shouts at them more and more often: 

"Faster!"

Or

"Jump higher!"

 Tobio doesn’t notice Kunimi and Kindaichi’s puzzled glances. 

***

But he notices that Miwa becomes more stressed day by day. 

How he sees her less and less at home because she spends hours in the library or stays up late drawing and sketching in her sketchbook, preparing for her entrance exams. 

How the bags under her eyes grow bigger. 

How, since she's now preoccupied with her own problems, she no longer pays attention to the oddities in Tobio's behavior.

One day, Miwa finds herself in need of headache pills, and as she rummages through her mother's first-aid kit, sitting on mom’s bed in the dim light of a lone table lamp in the dark room, she accidentally comes across a bottle of painkillers. 

Almost empty bottle of painkillers. 

"That’s strange… I thought we bought these just recently," Miwa mumbles under her breath, but soon forgets about it when she finally finds the pills she needed. 

She soon brushes it off, thinking she might be confused, linking it to exhaustion and doesn't give it much thought. 

***

God, they’re so annoying.

Will it hurt them to try at least a little bit? 

Volleyball was literally his grandpa’s whole life and they can't even take his tosses. 

"Be faster!"

"Hit harder!"

Tobio ignores whispers behind his back. 

***

It’s January and with it comes the time for Unified University Entrance Exam. 

On this occasion, Mom takes the day off and goes with Miwa as a "cheer squad." 

Miwa resists at first, telling her that she has never seen some other parent accompanying her classmate—their fully grown daughter or son, a high school graduate—and waited for them, but after the exam, she reluctantly admits that writing, knowing that her mom’s waiting for her somewhere at the entrance just like in the good old days, was much more comforting. 

The next months—February and March—go for Miwa (and honestly for the whole family) in stress, ‘cause there are now the main entrance exams that are conducted directly at the universities themselves happening and the waiting for results becomes more unbearable with each passing day. 

She checks her mailbox several times a day. 

And then Miwa receives an email from Tokyo University of Fashion. 

At first she is hesitant to click on the notification but as soon as she reads the words about her enrollment, he supposes, her face (Tobio was studying every little change in her expression with a setter’s attention) lights up, eyes flash with a mix of joy and disbelief.

She looks up at him and jumps up, crying out, "I got accepted, Tobio! Like officially!" and before Tobio can answer, she grabs her phone and calls her mom to tell her the good news. 

Miwa puts it on a speaker.

Then they both hear the gentle voice saying, "My girl, you've done so well! Kazuj-san would be so proud of you…"

Tobio nods, looking into Miwa's eyes from which tears are about to fall, silently confirming his mother's words. 

In the following days, Tobio watches as Miwa fussingly collects things, runs shopping with her, buying up all the necessary stationery. 

It pains him to know that he’ll have to say goodbye to her pretty soon, not being ready to part with another family member. 

But he still smiles at her every time she enthusiastically chirps to him about her future plans, because Miwa's happiness is far more important to him than his feelings. 

He’ll deal with them later. 

That's why Tobio tries to smile, even when X-day arrives. 

***

The train station is crowded with people. The autumn wind easily ruffles Tobio's hair but thoroughly messes up Miwa's  styling, to which she winces irritably and hurriedly tries to put her hair in order with her palms and her mother (who simply couldn’t help but take time off from work on such an important day for her daughter) calms her down, saying that she looks perfect anyway.. 

The leaves on the trees have thinned considerably but in some places you can still see the crimson-golden crowns. 

When Tobio hears the approaching sounds of wheels moving on rails, and the train itself finally shows up on the horizon, the voices of others merge into one incessant loud hum. 

"So, that’s it." The thought’s pounding in his head when Miwa holds him and then their mom tightly. 

…when the train’s doors open and she walks in. 

…when she waves at them both from the window until her car disappears from their sight, rapidly being replaced by others. 

…when Tobio hears mom’s quiet whimper. 

...and finally, when the realization that he has no idea when he's going to see Miwa’s smile again makes his own eyes water. 

"I haven’t even noticed how fast she grew up," mom pulls a handkerchief out of her jacket pocket and wipes a tear that was running down her cheek. 

When she realizes that she can’t hold them back, she clutches to Tobio, nuzzling his neck. 

He holds her back, feeling her shoulders shake, and his turtleneck gets wetter. 

***

It gets much worse after Miwa leaves.

Two painkiller pills in the morning and evening are no longer enough. 

At first, Tobio tries to increase the dose—to take two pills in the morning and evening instead of one—but it doesn’t relieve the pain. On the contrary, it only brings him new problems in the form of nausea, vomiting and abdominal pain, and Tobio decides that he is making such an experiment for the first and last time. 

Eventually, one day, he asks at the pharmacy if there are stronger pills than the ones he takes. An elderly woman, a pharmacist, looks at him in surprise, complaining, ‘So young and already in the need of painkillers…’

She then explains that the pills he’s been taking before are over-the-counter, and the ones he asks for are only on the recommendation of a doctor. Tobio somehow manages to persuade her to sell him the latter anyway. 

He vaguely remembers lying to her about bringing her the recipe later. 

***

The graduation of Oikawa and Iwaizumi from Kitagawa Daichi passes Tobio by. The fact that Oikawa-san was hosting a farewell party at his house for the team members only, is something Tobio learns the day after from an overheard conversation. 

He doesn’t immediately catch up that his relationship has become strained. 

That he stopped receiving invitations for post-win sleepovers altogether. 

Or that his critique (he just wants what’s best for them, why can’t they understand?) is either met with annoyed eye-rolling or tongue clicking, muttering something displeased under their breath, rather than trying to listen as they do with any other team member (or especially as to Oikawa-san, whose crooked mirror reflection he also doesn’t notice becoming).

He also doesn’t immediately catch up that Akira and Yutaro are talking to him less and less. 

That they are less likely to gather at home at someone’s of their little group. 

That he is sitting at a table alone at the cafeteria.  

That they no longer include him in their plans. 

That he only hears the echoes of their conversations and jokes now and takes out of context how they give each other home visits, or  how they go to the cinema, to the park (as if he no longer has access to this information). 

That there are now only two of them as if he was never there in the first place. 

And Tobio… 

Tobio feels like a side character who flashes out on the screen  for a few times in a couple of episodes before finally disappearing from the series. 

And that hurts the most.

***

It’s not like the match against Chidoriyama turns into an apocalyptic catastrophe right away. 

At first, the day starts as usual. 

In the morning, Tobio wakes up with an uneasy premonition but tries to do everything to put it aside. 

He ignores the strange tension in his neck muscles, deciding that these are all the same symptoms of rejection.

He drinks a glass of water.

Slowly trudges to the bathroom. 

Washes up. 

Has furugura for breakfast and eats it in utter silence with rare thuds of a spoon on a plate being the only sounds. 

If Miwa was there, she would’ve turned the radio on and the kitchen would have been filled with songs and, of course, with her loud voice, singing along off key but persistently doing it anyway. 

And Tobio would’ve smiled at the sight of her dancing, occasionally and with pretend annoyance reminding her that she, in fact, should make sure that nothing burns. 

He can argue that she’s doing exactly that right now, only  it's not him next to her at all but her new roommate. 

And Tobio tries not to be jealous of whoever it might be. 

After finishing his breakfast, he waits fifteen minutes and takes a pill. 

Then he sighs with relief when the pain and aches in his body finally subside.

Tobio blames the tickling in his throat on the fact that he's just got a little cold somewhere. 

The road to school flies by as if it never happened. Tobio doesn't even notice the bus ride, being deep in thought, thinking through possible strategies, serves and tosses. 

Then he enters the locker room, nods to his teammates (and tries not to pay attention to how they hurriedly turn away instead of nodding in response).

He takes a sip of water from a bottle, more out of desire to calm his nerves than from thirst. 

After changing in uniform, he goes out with the team to the gym and they begin to warm up. 

The whistle blow announces the start of the match.

Tobio's attention is immediately caught up by the red curly-haired boy on the other side of the net. He notes his potential—fantastically high jumps, despite small height. 

It almost saddens Tobio for his lacking technique. 

But, to be honest, he doesn't care about the rivals’ skills right now. (If they're all amateurs, it’s only beneficial for his team.)

His teammates' game, however… That is what infuriates him the most.

No, Tobio really doesn't understand, what is they’re problem? 

Is it really so hard to run faster or jump higher? 

Is it really so hard to do as he says and take his tosses? 

"Are you planning to start putting in some effort today, Kindaichi?!" Tobio barks, not being able to hold on any longer. 

"Ah, go fuck yourself, Kageyma!" instead of Kindaichi, Kunimi screams at him in response and Tobio involuntarily flinches because this is the first time he hears such anger in his friend’s voice who is usually indifferent to everything. 

And just as Kageyama is trying to toss to Kindaichi, the ball falls to the floor with a deafening impact, never caught. 

"We’re fed up with your bullshit!" spits out their captain. "You act like a tyrant! King of the Court!" 

"King of the Court, yeah, exactly!" Tobio can no longer identify who this voice belongs to as all the sounds are mixing together. 

Tobio feels everything inside him paralyzes. His hands are getting cold, heart’s pounding, breathing is slowing down. His temples are throbbing. 

He can almost physically feel hundreds and hundreds of eyes boring into him, like daggers. Teammates’. Rivals’. The audiences’. 

At this moment, Tobio realizes where this oppressive anxiety came from. Why is it haunting him since the very morning. 

Worst part is not even the fact that it seems like not only he has just lost his two best friends but the whole team as well. 

The worst part is that somewhere on the bleachers, he notices Oikawa-san. 

A nasty thought flashes through Tobio's mind that he must find his public humiliation satisfying. 

He waits for the mark to burn with itching mixed with pain but it doesn't happen, and Tobio looks at it in disbelief, realizing that it has actually been suspiciously calm for at least three weeks. 

And then he sees that it has become paler. 

And Tobio probably wouldn't even notice… 

…if only he hadn't been staring at it every time before going to sleep, thinking how he could be lying with Oikawa-san right now and he would be gently stroking his hair. 

***

Somehow they snatch the victory from Chidoriyama but only because the rival team is very new to volleyball. 

Tobio thinks that if he were still on the team instead of in exile, they would have gone to celebrate their win, as they traditionally did, to the captain's house and would certainly have stayed the night, spending the evening watching movies and playing board games. 

This victory, on the other hand, didn’t bring any joy and felt very forced. 

Undeserved. 

He leaves the gym in a daze and trudges along at the very end, behind his teammates, trying not to make eye contact with anyone, especially with Yutaro and Akira. 

He gets sick in the locker room. 

Nausea rises in his throat, and Tobio tries his best to hold on. 

He hurriedly takes off his uniform, throws it haphazardly into a bag (at any other time, his inner perfectionist wouldn’t have forgiven him for such carelessness) and storms out here without looking back or saying goodbye to his teammates. 

Tobio rushes to the bathroom, where, fortunately, there is an empty stall. 

He hastily slams the door, bends over feeling himself spasm, coughs and then looks in horror at how purple petals that look strikingly familiar to irises fall into the toilet. 

"What the fuck is that?!”" The thought rushes through his mind like a high-speed train and then crashes into the realization that he, apparently, has hanahaki. 

He had once heard about this disease briefly on TV in his childhood, while waiting for his mother to cook dinner. 

Back then, a serious man with glasses and a strict gray striped suit was saying that if a person suddenly faced rejection from a soulmate, he urgently needed to see a doctor because there could be serious side effects, among which was the so-called "flower disease" — hanahaki. 

Then another expert talked about it, but Tobio only remembered something about coughing up flowers, because mom then switched the channel. 

As if he hasn’t had enough problems already. 

He should have told everything right away.

Miwa and mom would’ve probably found the solution together. 

Just yesterday he was terrified to admit to his family that his soulmate had rejected him. 

In nightmares he saw how his mom and sister turned their back on him saying altogether that it’s all his fault and kicked them out of the house, and the grandpa was watching him go with disappointment from their family altar. 

He was afraid that after Oikawa-san left him, his family would do the same as well as his friends. 

That the whole school would start bullying him. 

But now, when he watched his worst dream come true just a couple of minutes ago, he realizes that he should’ve taken the risk. 

If only he told Miwa and mom back then… 

If only he poured it all out to Kindaichi and Kunimi about everything that has happened recently…

Maybe in that case, he wouldn't have to hide and keep everything to himself, becoming angry and irritable and unbearable, taking all of it out on the last people deserving it. 

Perhaps, somewhere in the parallel universe when he didn’t mess up so badly, he would be receiving praise, compliments, and pats on the shoulder from his teammates now. 

But it’s too late to think about it… As well as to open up. After all, there’s nothing left from this relationship. 

His team (or is it his ex-team, now?) is very unlikely to listen to him after weeks of watching him refuse to listen to them. 

When the seizure stops, he wipes saliva from his mouth with his sleeve and tries to get up on shaky legs. He almost falls, but manages to grab onto the back of the toilet. He then brushes away the stars in his eyes and leaves the stall. 

His head is heavy, his throat is sore, and no matter how Tobio tries to clear it, it feels like the petals are still bursting out. 

He staggers over to the sink to rinse his face and try to get himself together. 

And just when Tobio thinks that it can't get any worse, the door opens and Oikawa-san enters. 

"Well, fuck."

And Kageyama doesn't have to turn to look at Oikawa to know that he's grinning at him right now. 

"And here I was thinking I had enough…" 

"Saw your game today," Oikawa-san stands at the next sink, voice sounds ostentatiously casual. 

Tobio still doesn't raise his head, staring down the drain so intently, as if there were a solution to all his problems. 

"You know, many of our good friends are planning to go to Seijoh next year and I’m going too," he pauses, waiting for at least some reaction from him. Tobio remains still and only raises his head for a few moments, noticing how Oikawa-san rolls his eyes in the reflection, not getting the answer. "Here’s my advice to you, Tobio-chan, as your senpai," Tobio feels a hand on his shoulder, and then he hears in his ear, "Don't follow us. Don't go to Seijo. You don't want to ruin another team, do you?" Hot breath burns his neck.

Oikawa-san leaves Tobio alone as walks out.

***

A couple of months later, Tobio receives two letters. 

And during that time, he notices that the aches and weakness in his whole body that have been bothering him since that day have disappeared. However, it got replaced with a scratchy throat and pain when trying to speak. New petals are coming out, but usually go away after he clears his throat. For now, the cough syrup is enough for him, even though it tastes horribly, and Tobio winces every time he has to drink it. 

Tobio assumes it’s because his illness is now at its earliest stage. 

The first letter is from Seijoh, and it says that the school, technically, is ready to accept him for next year. 

Tobio just laughs bitterly at this. 

The second is from Shiratorizawa. Tobio applied there not to take revenge on Oikawa (though the thought was tempting) but in honor of grandpa. The letter  says that he got rejected. 

Besides, what did he expect? The universe has already shown him that it’s not on his side. 

Seems like has no choice but to apply to Karasuno. 

***

Tobio stands at the gate of Karasuno, not daring to go through. 

The April sky above his head, which has already been overcast since the morning, is suspiciously darkening even more. Seems like it’s about to rain. 

A wave of goosebumps runs over his skin, but he doesn't know exactly what it is—a blow of wind and the fact that he forgot his jacket, or thrill, which he can't name a reason for? 

Finally, Tobio takes a deep breath, counting to ten slowly and enters the school.

After changing, he heads to the gym and honestly expects anything, but not the same red-haired boy from Chidoriyama bursting in, almost knocking down the door. 

He seems as surprised as Tobio. 

"You!" the redhead shouts, pointing at him with his index finger. "We lost to you at the tournament! You are the King of the Court!" 

Tobio shrugs at the nickname. 

"Oh god, is he always like this? A massive pain in the ass?"

"Don’t call me that!" 

"Truth hurts, doesn’t it?"  the inner voice sounds as disgusting as the chalk on glass. 

The shock on the redhead's face is replaced by irritation. 

"What are you doing here anyway? There are schools that are much stronger!" 

"The strongest school in the prefecture," Tobio closes his eyes and he takes a deep breath, "rejected me."

The guy is silent for, like, two seconds, then laughs and says, "You? Got rejected?" he raises his brow, "and here I was hoping to crash you in the next match… Wait, how are we going to compete if we’re on the same team?" 

Tobio rolls his eyes. 

His life is definitely turning into some kind of absurdity. 

"What is even your name, huh?" Tobio responds. "As if you can compete with me…" he mumbles more to himself, noticing that the guy is looking at him weirdly. Like he can't believe that Tobio doesn't know his name.

And then...

"Oh, wait!" he exclaims as the memory starts. 

There were about twenty minutes left before the game. 

Tobio was walking slowly towards the locker room when suddenly someone bumps into him at full speed. 

"Oh, sorry," some red haired asshat mumbles to him. 

He clicks his tongue. 

"Get out of the way!" Tobio was about to shove the boy away when he suddenly blurted out: 

"Wait!"

"What else?!" 

"Do you know where the bathroom is?" the guy noticeably lowers his tone as well as his gaze, awkwardly shifting from one foot to the other. 

Tobio understands the implication immediately and tells him reluctantly, "Straight ahead and to the right."

"Thank you very much!" And he's already running along the pointed direction but suddenly he stops and throws over his shoulder, “I’m Hinata Shoyo, by the way! See you later!”

“Just go already!” Tobio shouts back, rolling his eyes. “What an idiot…” He grunts, shaking his head. 

“So? You remember now?” Seems like Hinata has noticed his unfocused gaze. 

He only huffs in response. 

"I’m really going to end up in the same team as he, for fuck sake… We're seeing each other for the second time in life, and he's already got on my nerves…" 

Unexpectedly, he hears voices approaching and then sees who they belong to when three other students enter the gym. 

It seems that before they entered, they were discussing his last match. 

Well, it's not the kind of fame he'd imagined. 

To be honest, everything is not what he imagined. 

Sometimes before going to sleep, he pictured that one day, Oikawa-san would finally give up and, pretending to roll his eyes, would say, ‘Fine, Tobio-chan, you won. I'll teach you how to serve!’  with a barely perceptible smile. 

He pictured that one day, he would learn to understand his team as flawlessly as Oikawa-san and maybe even surpass him in the position of a setter. 

And he, instead of being jealous, would be proud of him. 

He pictured how he’ll become a captain and it will be his turn to invite the team over to celebrate. 

And Yutaro and Akira, (more precisely, Kindaichi and Kunimi now), will tease him, saying that because of his new position he’ll become even more serious and will scare away poor first-years. 

How ridiculous these fantasies seem now. 

"Well, it was you who ruined everything," it’s his inner voice again. "Oikawa-san is no better, of course, but it wasn’t him who was crowned as a selfish tyrant, right?"

The voices of  his future teammates sound somewhere far away. 

Somewhere in the background the upperclassmen are softly teasing Hinata for his height. 

Somewhere in the said background Hinata is indignantly trying to prove something in response. 

"Hey, are you alright?" asks a boy with silver hair and amber eyes, looking at Tobio the way one usually looks at a kitten that has just been brought home, and he, being unaccustomed and stressed, hisses at everyone in a row—gently but carefully. 

"Yeah…" he sounds uncertain. Tobio is desperately trying to hide his discomfort. After all, he gets that the new team means a second chance—a chance to fix his past mistakes and start anew but he can’t get rid of a fear that everything will end up the same. That he’ll disappoint everyone again.

His tension doesn’t go unnoticed by the boy. 

"My name is Sugawara Koushi." He holds out his hand to him, lifting corners of his lips in a light smile. 

Tobio shakes it awkwardly and blurts out, "I’m Kageyama Tobio!" 

To that, Sugawara-san just smiles wider and laughs. 

Tobio inadvertently notes that he has beautiful laughter. 

"Oh, we know that!" he answers and giggles again. 

Tobio blushes rapidly at this, realizing what a stupid thing he has just said. 

"Sugawara, stop embarrassing our kouhai!" Another upperclassman steps in—short dark hair, brown eyes, sharp facial features—and Tobio thinks that it might be the captain. 

"I’m not embarrassed!" protests Tobio but proceeds to blush even harder and he hides his eyes in the look on the floor, which only gives himself away more.

"You're all red, Bakageyama! Even your ears are!" Hinata laughs and points at him. 

"What did you just call me?!" Tobio flashes instantly, swinging to give Hinata a slap on the back of the head but he dodges swiftly. 

"Okay, that’s enough!" Sugawara-san claps his hands to get attention of the raging first years. An unexpected harshness appears in the voice, resonating with the soft tone he had before. "Listen to Daichi-san. He is, after all, your future captain."

"Now we're going to have a 3-3 practice match. You're going to play against the other two first years," Daichi-san folds his arms over his chest. "We need to make sure that you can work together, because we need a strong team. Because we're serious about getting to the Nationals." He then approaches Kageyama and Hinata, a warning clearly visible in his gaze. “So try to get it together and not turn the gym upside down."

Kageyama and Hinata exchange glances and firmly nod at Daichi-san's words. 

"Easier said than done, Captain, but we'll try," they both think at the same time. 

Much later, when he and Hinata got accepted to the team (despite the fact that they almost did turn the gym upside down) along with two more first years—Tsukishima Kei and Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tobio gets on a half-empty bus and goes home. 

He doesn't even notice how he picks up the phone and starts dialing his grandfather's number. 

It's only when he hears the long beeps and: ‘The cellular customer you are trying to reach is unavailable,’ that Tobio remembers that he'll never get to call his grandfather again to share his successes and defeats. 

He will never get to hear his voice reassuringly saying, ‘I told you, Tobio! It’s never too late to begin again!’

He’ll never see his welcoming smile. 

And then, sighing, pursing his lips and leaning his head against the window, blinking away the tears, he throws the phone back into his bag without even looking at it.