Archive of Our Own

Leo couldn’t believe how unfortunate he was in life. He was sure that, somehow, something he’d done must have angered the spirits wandering the world and some shaman must have put a curse on him. Leo really didn’t think he’d done anything wrong because he always tried to help people as much as he could, be kind to others, and besides, there were loads of people at that university who adored him. But he couldn’t explain why he’d been so unlucky as to lose his student card on the very first day of term and, above all, he couldn’t explain how, almost a week later, no one had yet turned up to tell him they’d found it. Even if the person who’d found it didn’t know him, they’d only have to ask around to track him down and return it… or if they didn’t want to go to the trouble, all they had to do was leave it at the university administration office.

Leo sighed deeply, putting his hands to his head, tugging at his hair, ruffling it. He couldn’t have been more wretched because, to make matters worse, the administration’s office had told him that to get the new card he’d asker for, he’d have to wait at least three months. Half the semester. But without that card Leo literally couldn’t do anything at that university. Not even borrow books from the library, or eat at a reasonable price in the cafeteria… and they’d probably put obstacles in his way for any other academic paperwork he had to do. Life definitely had it in for him this term, and Leo didn’t expect his luck to change any time soon.

Leo rested his head on the table and banged it against the wood a couple of times, not hard enough to hurt himself, but hard enough for the pain to bring him back to his senses. He didn’t need to be dramatic; he needed solutions. They wouldn’t give him a new card for another three months. What could he do? Perhaps having been such a “sociable” person in previous years would help him. He was sure he’d always know someone who’d let him use their card to borrow a book he needed, and perhaps he could even count on the odd person to lend it to him to use in the cafeteria. He wasn’t entirely sure that would work every time, but he had to at least give it a go.

“Lee Leo?”

An unfamiliar voice called his name, causing Leo to look up from the table, whereupon he found himself face to face with a boy he didn’t recognise at all. He was a tall, dark-haired guy with a cheerful yet mischievous expression, a fang protruding from one of his upper teeth, giving him a mischievous look, and very handsome —so handsome he looked as if he’d stepped straight out of the pages of a manhwa—. Leo was surprised by that thought and tried to refocus and look like a normal person, running his fingers through his hair and sitting up straight in his chair before answering.

“Yes, it’s me,” he replied. “Who are you…?” he asked.

Leo was used to people recognising him at uni, but he was usually pretty bad at remembering faces. He was sure he didn’t recognise this guy, whom he hadn’t come across before, which is why he was curious to know who he was… and also because he was waiting for someone in that place where he was losing his mind.

“Anxin. Zhou Anxin,” replied the boy, with a big smile.

Leo immediately stood up from his chair and held out his hand to Anxin. This was the boy he had been waiting for. That morning, Leo had gone to the university administration office because he’d been told that they’d finally assigned him the international student he was to help settle and make life easier for him during the semester, as part of his university’s exchange program —a program Leo had been part of since his second year—.

“I’ve been waiting for you, Anxin,” he said as soon as the boy shook his hand. “Have a seat.”

It didn’t take the boy a second to nod and sit down in the empty chair opposite Leo, without losing that mischievous smile for a moment. Leo sat down too and cleared his throat slightly, trying to buy himself some time to think of what to say to Anxin. He’d been so focused on his own problem that he hadn’t been thinking on what he was supposed to be doing. His priority at that moment was to be of help and make life easier for the guy sitting in front of him during that semester at university.

“Hmm… it might be a bit awkward at first because we’ve only just met,” he began, “but I want you to know that I’m here to help you with anything you find difficult, Anxin,” he explained slowly. “How are you getting on with the language? Are you having any trouble following the lectures? Are you finding your way around the campus?”

Leo fired off all those questions, hoping the boy would take them one by one and answer them bit by bit; however, as soon as he’d finished speaking and looked him in the eyes, he realised the boy seemed to have become lost in thought, staring at him. Leo blinked rapidly, feeling confused. Was there something on his face? Had a bit of food got stuck between his teeth? No. It couldn’t be that because Anxin was staring at him intently and his eyes were shining brightly, as if he were looking at something he liked. Leo felt a slight shiver run down his spine at that thought and tried to ignore it in order to get the boy’s attention again.

“Anxin?” he tried. That seemed to snap him out of his reverie because the boy looked at him, utterly confused. “Do you understand Korean well?” he asked again, but this time using his rusty Chinese.

“Yes, yes… sorry…” Anxin replied, in Korean. “I do understand… I mean… sort of… sometimes not as much as I’d like…” The boy lowered his head, a little embarrassed, and Leo couldn’t help the smile that touched his lips.

“Then we’ll start there.”

~

Leo was running late. It didn’t usually happen to him because he normally heard one of the five alarms he set, but that morning he’d been completely exhausted and hadn’t heard a single one. He didn’t have morning classes on Thursdays and, it seemed, in the space of two weeks he’d already got into the habit of not getting up until midday, but Leo had arranged to meet Anxin that morning to give him a quick tour of the campus so he’d know where the most important places were, and he should have got up much earlier than he had to be able to go and pick the boy up. For that reason, Leo was running as if someone were chasing him, even though he hated running more than anything. However, he didn’t want to keep the guy waiting any longer because he was supposed to be something like a mentor to Anxin during that semester.

When he finally reached the classroom where he’d arranged to meet the guy, he was out of breath and felt a stinging pain in his calves and thighs from having run up the stairs instead of waiting for the lift. He could barely stand and had to grab the doorframe to steady himself, scanning the room as he tried to catch his breath. The classroom was empty because the lesson that had been held there had finished quite a while ago, but sitting at one of the desks was Anxin, along with another boy Leo didn’t know. Both had looked up when Leo had rushed into the room, and Anxin had given him a charming smile the moment he realised it was him.

“Leo hyung!” he called out, waving at him. “I thought you wouldn’t be here for a while.”

Leo hadn’t expected to get there so quickly either, but in the end, it seemed to have taken him only fifteen minutes to cross the campus —a record—. Leo waved back at Anxin and waited for the boy to say goodbye to his friend with an effusive hug whilst he tried to catch his breath. He watched as Anxin ran down the stairs from the huge class to reach him, but it hadn’t occurred to Leo that he might be as effusive in his greeting as he’d been when saying goodbye to his friend, so he wasn’t expecting him to practically throw himself at him for a hug. Leo froze completely, not knowing what to do, until Anxin pulled away from him, grinning from ear to ear.

“Where are you taking me, hyung?” the boy asked him.

However, Leo couldn’t answer him straight away because the gesture had taken him completely by surprise. He didn’t consider himself a particularly affectionate person; there were times when he liked to give hugs, but he only did so with people he trusted —usually just Sangwon— and Anxin’s effusiveness caused a complete system failure, one from which it took Leo a few seconds to recover so he could answer his question.

“We are going on a tour of the campus to show you where everything is,” he said. “You’ll already know some of the places, but I’m sure there are others you didn’t even know existed.”

Anxin nodded in agreement, looking excited, and then grabbed his arm, tugging at Leo to get him to start walking. Leo didn’t move, at least not straight away, because he wasn’t used to people feeling so at ease with him and being so forward right from the start. Leo was a nice guy, but his appearance made people hesitate to get too close to him at first; yet Anxin didn’t seem put off by it, on the contrary, he seemed absolutely delighted with him. And deep down, that made Leo happy, even though he felt perhaps a bit odd because it was so unexpected and he’d only seen Anxin a couple of times before.

“Let’s go!” said the guy, in English, completely excited about it.

Leo eventually let himself be swept along by Anxin’s enthusiasm and began the tour of the most important parts of the campus. He took him first through the administrative area, in case he needed to do any paperwork, and explained where he could do each thing; then he headed to the wing where the professors on his grade had their offices, in case he had any questions in class or needed to go there for some other academic thing. After that, Leo guided him to the library to show him where the study rooms were and how to look for and borrow books from there. Anxin spent the whole time clinging to his arm, not letting go for a single second, and Leo gradually got used to it, letting his body relax.

“That’s all for today,” he finally said to Anxin as they left the library. “If you find you’re having trouble getting anywhere, just let me know.”

“Even if you have to explain the same thing to me ten times?” asked Anxin, almost fearfully.

“Even then,” he replied.

The smile Anxin gave him was incredibly big, and for a moment it seemed as though he wanted to add something else; however, before he could, his gaze shifted, looking far beyond Leo. His eyes suddenly lit up, and the boy almost began to tremble with excitement.

“HAO-GE!” he shouted, his voice echoing down the corridor. Leo turned and realised that a few metres away from them stood two guys —one he recognised and one he didn’t, who must be the one Anxin had called out to— waving to the boy. “Hyung, thank you so much for everything. See you tomorrow.”

And without giving him a moment to reply, Anxin ran down the corridor until he threw himself into the arms of the one that he’d called Hao-ge. Leo couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his face, just as he couldn’t help the thought that crossed his mind about how adorable that boy was, being so effusive and affectionate with everyone.

~

“This is a list of vocabulary that will be very useful to you in everyday life,” said Leo, pointing to one of the sheets of Korean vocabulary he’d printed out for Anxin. “This one here is vocabulary for class,” he pointed to another. “And this last one is slightly more advanced vocabulary for when you want to impress people with the words you know.”

Leo handed the papers to the boy and watched as he looked at the words written on them, reading some under his breath and repeating them. In the few days they’d been meeting so that Leo could help him settle in, he’d realised that what the boy had told him about not yet being very fluent in the language was true. There were times when he struggled to understand what Leo had said and other times when he only partially understood; on occasions he even misinterpreted the whole meaning of the sentence because there were words he didn’t know and he tried to fill in the gaps with something that made sense. For that reason, they’d been meeting up in the library for a couple of afternoons now to go over a few things that might help Anxin communicate much better, and Leo had printed out those lists for him with Korean vocabulary, their Chinese equivalents and the pronunciation.

“Korean is really difficult,” Anxin muttered, letting his head drop onto the papers on the table. “I should have stayed in Shanghai.”

Leo couldn’t help but smile at the way the boy sounded; it reminded him of himself a few years back, when his parents had moved back to Korea during his first year of high school and he’d had to adapt to the country, the language and the new world around him. Leo had had a hard time and there had been many moments when he’d felt desperate, but he’d managed to carry on thanks to Sangwon’s help; and Sangwon had been everything to him since then.

“Do you want to call it a day?” he asked the boy.

They’d been going over things for nearly an hour before Leo handed him the vocabulary list, but Anxin looked tired and he didn’t want to give him much more work than the university already did. It was supposed to be a help, not a burden. However, when asked, Anxin shook his head and then turned to face him directly, blinking slowly. He reminded Leo of a cat, and Leo ended up giving him a slight smile.

“I’m a bit tired,” he murmured. “Last night I stayed up playing with Sanghyeon until very late,” he confessed. “But you can carry on talking and teaching me phrases, hyung,” he said, smiling faintly, “your voice is soft and lovely, and I think I could listen to you talk for the rest of my life without ever getting tired of it.”

Hearing his words, Leo froze completely, not knowing what to do or say, because he hadn’t expected Anxin to say something like that to him. Had he said it knowing exactly what he was saying? Had he meant something completely different, but ended up saying that? Was he, in some way, flirting with him? No. That last bit certainly wasn’t it. Anxin was a very handsome and charming guy; he couldn’t possibly be flirting with someone like him. But then, what exactly had he meant?

Leo opened his mouth to ask him, but before the first word could leave his lips, a very familiar voice behind him, calling his name, made Leo lose his train of thought and his chance to speak.

“Leo hyung” Leo didn’t even need to turn round to know who had called him, yet he did so anyway. “I didn’t expect to find you here.”

And there was Lee Sangwon, holding a book of poems in his hands, his eyes shining as if they were full of stars.

“Oh, Sangwonie,” he murmured, greeting him. “I was just about to say I didn’t expect to see you here either,” Leo remarked, “but you literally live in the library…” Sangwon laughed at that and then simply invited himself to the table where Anxin and Leo were sitting. Leo waited until he was seated to make the introductions. “Anxin, this is Sangwon, my roommate; Sangwon, this is Anxin, my exchange student for the semester.”

“Pleased to meet you, Anxin,” said Sangwon, turning on the charm to dazzle everyone he met with a smile. “Leo hyung has told me a lot about you.”

“Nice to meet you,” murmured Anxin, who had lifted his head from the table and sat up straight.

Leo watched the exchange between them with a smile because Sangwon had told him a few days earlier that he’d like to meet Anxin, and he was glad they’d bumped into each other there, as he was going to be spending a lot of time with Anxin over the semester and Sangwon was a very important person in his life. Sangwon had been quite busy of late and Leo hadn’t been able to organise anything for the two of them to meet, so the chance encounter was welcomed.

“Hyung,” Sangwon called out, snapping him out of his thoughts. “Do you have my student card on you?” he asked. “I’d planned to borrow this book, but when I got to the machine, I remembered I’d left it with you.”

“Ah, yes, yes,” he replied. “I’ve got it here, give me a second.” Leo rummaged through the many pockets of the trousers he was wearing until he found his card holder and took out Sangwon’s student card to hand it to him. However, the moment the boy took it, Leo realised something he hadn’t noticed before. “Is that my jacket?” he asked.

“Yes,” replied Sangwon, taking the card. “It fitted well with what I’m wearing today, so I took it; I’ll leave it in the closet later.”

“In my closet, not yours,” he asked, but Sangwon just laughed.

“I’ll try,” he replied, standing up. “If you need the card again, just ask me, hyung.” He turned to Anxin. “Nice to meet you, Anxin. I hope we can have a proper chat next time; I’m in a rush today.”

And, without further ado, he simply said goodbye to them and left. Leo rolled his eyes, exasperated, knowing he’d lost yet another jacket to Lee Sangwon… but there was nothing he could do to stop it. As soon as the boy was out of sight, Leo turned back to Anxin to pick up where they’d left off, but the sombre expression on the boy’s face told him that the best thing to do was to call it a day.

~

Leo had known Anxin for a couple of weeks, which wasn’t very long, but in that short time he had never seen him as quiet as he was at that moment. Ever since they’d met up at a café near the university to put the guy to the test and see how he’d cope with ordering for both of them, Anxin had been very quiet and had a serious expression on his face, as if he were angry and sad. He hadn’t smiled once, even though Leo had made a couple of jokes that might have had him in fits of laughter on any other day. Leo didn’t know what might be wrong with him, but when he’d asked about it, Anxin had given him an evasive answer, and Leo didn’t really know the guy well enough to press the matter. So, he’d suggested that as soon as they’d finished the slice of cheesecake they were sharing, they should simply call it a day… and, surprisingly, Anxin had agreed without any objection.

However, a minute after they’d reached that agreement, his plan was completely thrown out the window by the arrival of someone Leo knew: Junseo. He hadn’t even noticed him coming in because he had his back to the door, but Junseo must have seen him and simply sat down beside him, giving him a fright because Leo hadn’t expected him to be there.

“Leo, it’s been ages,” he said. “I thought you’d been swallowed up by a black hole because you didn’t come to the program meeting yesterday.”

“I overslept,” he replied, trying to calm his heart, which had started beating too fast from the shock. “Have you signed up for the program this semester too, Junseo?”

“I’ll do it until I graduate,” he replied. “Actually, I’m here with my student for the semester,” he said, turning slightly towards the café counter. “I left him ordering whilst I came over to bother you” and, at that moment, he seemed to realise that Leo was sitting there with someone and gave Anxin a charming smile. “I see you’re here with someone too. I’m Junseo,” he said to the boy. “You must be Anxin. Sangwon told me that this semester Leo was helping a really cute guy.”

Throughout the conversation, Anxin had been watching Junseo curiously, as if he didn’t quite understand everything the two of them were talking about, but after the introduction, he simply nodded and resumed a serious expression, replying to Junseo tersely. Junseo turned to Leo, silently asking him about Anxin, wondering if something was wrong with him —a question Leo didn’t know how to answer—. He didn’t have to, either, because at that moment, the guy Junseo was helping that semester arrived with the order he’d placed, setting it down on the table and smiling broadly. 

“Here’s your coffee, Jun-ge,” said the boy. “I ordered it just as you told me”.

“Thanks, Xinlong, you’re the best,” he replied, giving him a warm smile that made the boy smile even more broadly than he already was. “Have a seat,” Junseo asked. “This is Leo and Anxin,” he introduced them, pointing at them, “Leo is helping Anxin just as I’m helping you.”

“Pleased to meet you, Leo hyung,” murmured the boy, then turned to Anxin. “I already know Anxin; Hao–ge introduced him to me a few days ago.”

Immediately afterwards, seeing the sombre expression on the boy’s face, Xinlong began speaking to him in Chinese, in whispers, so quickly that neither Leo nor Junseo could follow the thread of the conversation. Leo had studied a little Chinese, but not enough to know what they were saying; his forte was English, and that was why the students whose first language was English were the ones he usually helped. Junseo’s forte was Japanese, although he could get by a little in Chinese, but he seemed just as confused as Leo by the conversation. The exchange between the two didn’t last long, but it ended with Anxin sighing deeply and Xinlong nodding his head, giving him a couple of pats on his back as a gesture of encouragement.

From those reactions, Leo realised that something must be worrying Anxin; even if he hadn’t been able to tell him, he hoped that, at the very least, he could talk about it with the people he trusted most and find a solution that would bring back the smiling, adorable Anxin. His thoughts were interrupted at that very moment by the arrival of another person at their table, approaching as if he were a summer typhoon, even though spring hadn’t even quite arrived yet.

“I’m in a right rush because I’m running late for my shift,” said Sangwon, surprising everyone with his arrival. “See you later when I’ve got a break, hyung?”

Sangwon placed his hand on Junseo’s shoulder and gave him one of those looks full of hope that absolutely no one who knew him could refuse, and, upon Junseo’s nod, simply leaned in to plant a quick kiss on his lips, then dashed off immediately towards the door marked with a ‘staff only’ sign. Leo and Junseo were used to Sangwon arriving and leaving like that, always in a hurry, always lost in his own world, but Xinlong and Anxin were clearly not used to him because they both watched the moment with wide eyes, as if they were utterly surprised by what had just happened. That’s why Leo tried to excuse his friend of nearly a decade with a smile.

“That’s just how Sangwon is,” he remarked. “He’s unpredictable. You’ll get used to him once you’ve spent a bit of time with him,” he told them. “He’ll always be hanging around Junseo and me.”

“Leo hyung…” murmured Anxin. “Doesn’t it bother you that your boyfriend kissed Junseo hyung in front of you?”

Anxin’s question caused both Leo and Junseo to look at each other and, after the initial surprise, start laughing like crazy. Perhaps, judging by Anxin and Xinlong’s reaction to their laughter, they were, but that had been the funniest question Leo had ever heard in his life and he couldn’t stop laughing. He tried with all his might, because the boy deserved an answer, but the laughter didn’t subside until his side began to ache.

“Sorry, Anxin,” he said after a few moments, trying to take a deep breath so he wouldn’t start laughing again. “I wasn’t expecting that question,” the boy frowned, looking confused, and Leo composed himself to reply. “Sangwon isn’t my boyfriend, he’s my best friend and we simply share a room in the residence because it’s convenient for both of us,” he explained. “He’s Junseo’s boyfriend, so it makes perfect sense for him to kiss him.”

“But…” Anxin began, still looking confused. “When we met him the other day… when he was wearing one of your jackets… and he left his student card with you…”

Ah. Right. Now he understood his question. Anxin wasn’t used to his dynamic with Sangwon because that had been his first encounter with the guy and, from the outside, it could be misinterpreted as the behaviour of a couple, but that was a million miles from the truth, and Leo simply smiled at Anxin before speaking again.

“We’re just friends,” he replied. “He has a habit of stealing my clothes because he likes what I buy, but he steals from me and from everyone else.”

Beside him, Junseo nodded, calmly sipping his coffee, and Anxin looked from one to the other before nodding and letting a small smile appear on his face for the first time in all the time that they’d been together that afternoon.

~

Leo couldn’t help but watch Anxin with a smile as he told him how he’d gone to the cinema with Xinlong and Sanghyeon, telling him how Sanghyeon had eaten all the popcorn before the film started and had then been asking them both for some of theirs for the rest of the time. The boy before him was once again the cheerful, smiling Anxin who had introduced himself on the first day, and he seemed to have left behind whatever had been worrying him and had made him look so terribly serious the last time they’d seen each other. He much preferred that version of Anxin who couldn’t stop smiling, utterly delighted to tell him the story of his outing with his friends, his eyes sparkling with excitement at every detail he added. Leo could only nod, dazzled by how happy the boy seemed at that moment, letting him talk almost without interrupting —he only did so when the story required his input or when Anxin couldn’t find the word he wanted— because he preferred to let him express himself so he could see how his control of the language was developing.

Barely three weeks had passed since their first meeting and Anxin’s Korean had improved considerably, which showed Leo just how hard he was trying to fully adapt to the language so he could understand the world around him much better.

“In the end, we went to a PC bang and spent practically the whole night playing there,” said Anxin, after telling him all about the night out with his friends. “What do you usually do in your spare time, hyung?” he asked.

Anxin asked him that question by placing his hand against his cheek and tilting his head slightly, making him look like a curious kitten, but Leo didn’t know how to answer him. Really, the whole point of that meet-up was for Anxin to talk and talk so he could get better at Korean, not for Leo to tell him about his life. He imagined that after having spent all that time talking, Anxin might want to take a break; however, Leo couldn’t let him shirk his responsibilities so quickly.

“If you tell me how it was when you went out partying with your classmates the other day, I’ll answer your question,” he finally replied.

Anxin’s expression changed quickly and a pout formed on his lips at Leo’s reply, but Leo didn’t change his mind and urged him to speak with a wave of his hands.

“All right,” Anxin replied, sighing. “I don’t know why I had to tell you I was going out…”

“Because you wanted an excuse to get out of there if you didn’t like it,” Leo retorted. “In the end, you didn’t send me any distress signals, so I reckon you had a good time.”

Leo had been taken aback when, the previous Saturday, he’d received a message from Anxin telling him he was going out with his classmates, and asking him as a favour to keep an eye on his messages in case he needed to leave at any point, as he wasn’t sure whether he’d like the plan or not. Initially, it was just for dinner, but he’d already been warned that dinner might drag on until the early hours as they drank and drank in the bar, and that they’d then carry on partying in a club. Leo had replied that he didn’t mind at all coming to pick him up if they were near the campus, and that he shouldn’t worry and should just enjoy himself. After that, he’d stayed up half the night, watching an England football match, waiting in case Anxin sent him another message, but it never came.

“I had a good time,” the boy replied. “Sanghyeon was with me and we were talking to loads of people I didn’t even know… I don’t know how Sanghyeon knows everyone, to be honest,” he remarked. “We drank a lot during dinner and then they dragged us off to a club where we drank even more,” Anxin sighed. “I remember the music was really loud and I danced for a while… but I don’t know exactly how I got back to my room… and the next morning I had a terrible headache; I don’t know if I want to drink again after that.”

“I think it’s the experience in general,” said Leo. “Everyone who drinks for the first time says they won’t do it again, but they never keep their word.”

Leo had in mind someone who’d said on several occasions that he was going to stop drinking every time he had a hangover, but afterwards he’d be the first to go out and drink alcohol as if it were water. At least Sangwon didn’t drag him to the clubs anymore, not since he’d been seeing Junseo; now the one he dragged along was his boyfriend.

“Now you have to answer my question,” Anxin told him. “The one I asked you earlier.”

“Of course,” replied Leo. “I always keep my promises.” Anxin gave him a smile, his fang peeking out, giving him a mischievous look. “I don’t do much in my spare time,” he began. “I like football and I play it now and then, but I prefer watching it to playing it; sometimes I read, when Sangwon shoves a book in my face that I might like, and I usually spend the day at uni in lectures or in one of the studios, composing; otherwise, I’m in my room lying on the bed,” he explained. “I don’t usually go out unless I’m dragged out of my room or have some commitment with the exchange program,” Leo gave Anxin a small, apologetic smile, because the guy had surely thought he had a slightly more interesting life. “I don’t do anything out of the ordinary; my life isn’t interesting at all.”

“You don’t have to do anything out of the ordinary to be interesting,” Anxin told him. “I think you’re a really interesting and cool guy, and one day I’d love to hear some of the music you compose.”

~

The music was too loud and the flashing coloured lights hurt his eyes; the place smelled of alcohol and sweat, and Leo had no idea why on earth he was there. Actually, he did know. He’d been talked into it by Lee Sangwon, as usual, to go out with him and the others with a “don’t be a killjoy, it’ll be fun” and a “even the first-years are coming —the ones you and Junseo hyung are helping this semester—”. Leo had given in because he’d never been able to refuse his friend anything when he looked at him with those sparkling eyes, and because he knew that in the end things would get out of hand and they’d need someone sober to take them back to their respective rooms so that no misfortune would befall them. Leo didn’t like those places —he’d never liked them and never would— but he had no choice that night.

At least, it seemed he wasn’t the only one who didn’t like the place, because on the other side of the sofa sat Geonwoo, Sangwon’s co-worker from the café, a drink in his hand, observing the whole scene with a bored expression. He probably wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible too, just like Leo, but there was something tying him to that place… or rather, someone. Leo didn’t know Geonwoo very well; he’d only spoken to him on a few other occasions when the guy was with Sangwon, so he didn’t know much about his life; however, he’d noticed the way he kept staring at Jiahao, who was dancing with the rest of the group, and he knew it was Jiahao who was keeping him there despite his discomfort.

Leo didn’t know much about Jiahao either; in fact, he’d only officially met him that night, as before he’d only ever seen him in the university corridors, usually with Geonwoo, but Anxin had told him quite a bit about him. Hao–ge, as Anxin called him, had been friends with the boy since they were both kids and had helped Anxin settle in Korea to go to university there, just as he was doing himself. According to what the guy had told him, Jiahao was quite shy, but also charming and friendly to everyone, and Leo had been able to see the latter in the short time they’d spent together that night whilst they were all still sitting on the huge U-shaped sofa, drinking; but after seeing him acting a bit tipsy with his friends, he couldn’t say he was shy.

On the dance floor, alongside Jiahao, were Sanghyeon, Anxin and Xinlong, the latter giving it his all, as if he’d been born to dance; and until a few moments ago, Junseo and Sangwon had also been there with them, but they’d disappeared a while back. And Leo knew from past experience that if Sangwon disappeared off with someone in a club, the best thing he could do was not to look for him. Finding his best friend in a secluded, dark corner of a club hooking up with some guy —or, in the worst-case scenario, giving a guy a blow job— wasn’t a pleasant sight. At least, knowing he was with Junseo, Leo didn’t have to worry about him. However, he was staying there for the rest of them. Geonwoo could look after Jiahao perfectly well —perhaps that was what he wanted, if the way he was looking at him was any indication— but someone would have to take charge of the three first-years who’d had too many drinks earlier that night.

Leo sighed deeply and then took his phone out of his pocket to check the time and pass the time for a while. It was quite late and what he’d most like to do was be in his bed, curled up like a little burrito under his blankets and catching up on all the sleep he’d missed that week because he’d had to stay up quite late a couple of nights finishing a class assignment… yet there he was, and there he’d have to stay until the others decided it was time to go home —or the club closed and they had to leave—. Leo sighed again and opened Twitter to see if anything on his timeline was more interesting than that club, but almost before he’d had a chance to glance at anything, Leo felt a body slump down beside him on the sofa, pressing up against him. He was on the verge of shouting and drawing attention to himself in a totally embarrassing way because he hadn’t expected anyone to press themselves against him like that, but a few seconds later he realised who the person leaning against him was and simply sighed, relieved.

“Tired?” he asked Anxin, putting his phone away again.

“Drunk,” the boy replied. From the way he said that single word, Leo realised he really was very drunk. “But tired too,” he added. “I can’t keep up with the others. Can I stay here with you, Leo hyung?” he asked.

“Sure.”

Anxin let out a little happy sound at his reply and snuggled up even closer to him, linking his arm through Leo’s and taking his hand, before resting his head on Leo’s shoulder. Leo let him do it because Anxin looked tired and he’d seen him drink a lot; besides, after spending practically a month with the guy, he’d already got used to how clingy he tended to be, so he didn’t mind at all, even though Anxin was invading his personal space like that.

A movement to his right caught his attention and he turned his head just in time to see Geonwoo down the rest of his drink in one go, set the glass down on the table, and then get up and walk purposefully towards the dance floor. Leo followed him with his eyes, curious to know what had triggered that reaction in Geonwoo, and it didn’t take him long to realise that Geonwoo had gone straight over to Jiahao, grabbed him by the shoulders and kissed him passionately right there in the middle of the place. A smile appeared on Leo’s face before he could stop it, because his intuition had been perfect that time.

However, Leo didn’t have much time to think about it because, at that moment, he felt Anxin move beside him. The boy pressed himself much closer to him, as if he wanted their bodies to merge into one, probably seeking the most comfortable way to rest against him. Leo paid him no mind, letting Anxin get as comfortable as he needed, but just a few moments later, his whole body tensed up irrepressibly. Anxin’s hand —the one not clasped in his— rested on his thigh, very close to his groin, gripping him tightly; at the same time, Leo felt Anxin’s nose brush against his neck, as if he were sniffing him, and then his hot breath against his skin. Leo felt a shiver run down his spine at that, leaving him breathless, but he didn’t dare move a single millimetre; he couldn’t have done so anyway because his body had gone completely rigid, and the only thing Leo could do at that moment was let Anxin do whatever he wanted with him whilst his heart pounded wildly inside his chest.

~

Leo had woken up that morning and gone to class simply out of habit, not because he was in the right frame of mind for it, because really the only thing he could think about was what had happened that weekend when he’d been out partying with the others. Leo had simply turned off the alarm and, after that, thrown on the first thing he’d seen and left his room. On his journey to class, Leo had been through quite an ordeal. First, he’d left his bag behind and had to turn back halfway; then he’d bumped into a traffic sign and a park bench he’d had to cross before reaching his university building; and when he’d finally arrived in class, Leo realised he’d not even remembered to bring his phone.

After everything that had happened on the way and having almost been late for class, Leo had resigned himself to sitting through that hour-and-a-half lesson without his phone, thinking that perhaps that way he would focus on the class. However, from the very moment Professor Kang had walked through the door, all he’d done was stare blankly at the blackboard, replaying in his mind what had happened a couple of days earlier at the club.

Because Leo hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the way Anxin had come over to him, pressed himself against his body as if he’d wanted them both to melt into one, and then started touching his thigh, brushing his neck with his nose, even pressing his lips against his skin on a couple of occasions. All of that had left Leo completely paralysed and unsure of what to do, especially because Anxin was far too drunk. The more he thought about the moment, about how his body had reacted —the skin on his neck bristling at the touch, feeling shivers travel down his spine again and again, whilst his heart beat wildly— the less he understood himself, the less he knew why he’d reacted that way, and the less he could comprehend how he’d been unable to push Anxin away and had let him do as he pleased.

Leo hadn’t pushed him away at that moment, nor had he pushed him away when they’d finally left the club —the two of them along with Xinlong and Sanghyeon; the other four had stayed behind and Leo didn’t even want to know what they’d been up to— and Anxin had clung to him, muttering that he couldn’t walk. The only thing Leo had been able to do was to grab him firmly around the waist and press him against his body to help him walk, letting Anxin lean his whole weight on him whilst muttering things in Chinese that Leo couldn’t understand. On the walk back to the residence where Xinlong and Anxin were staying, Leo thought of absolutely nothing but walking… but the moment he’d left Anxin in Xinlong’s care and gone to his own room in the other campus residence, Leo couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened and how he’d felt.

As a rule, Leo didn’t usually let anyone get that close to him. He was friendly with people, sometimes funny, but also quite incapable of forming meaningful relationships. He knew a lot of people, but very few were able to break down all his defences and make him feel at ease or simply make him feel anything at all. Sangwon had been the only person to do so who had remained in his life for years; the others had pushed him to lower his defences, had wormed their way into his heart, had toyed with him and had torn him to pieces. For that reason, Leo was letting fewer and fewer people get close to him… but not only had he let Anxin get physically close to him in the short time they’d known each other, the way his whole body had reacted to Anxin being pressed against him was something Leo hadn’t felt in far too long, and that was what had him mulling over everything that had happened non-stop.

Leo had become so lost in his thoughts, in his mental chaos, that he hadn’t even realised the lesson had ended and that all his classmates had stood up and left the classroom. To him, no more than a minute had passed since he’d sat down in a secluded corner of the classroom, staring without really looking at the blackboard. Leo only snapped back to reality the moment a figure stepped into his field of vision and blocked his view of the blackboard. Leo had to blink several times to focus his eyes on what was before him, and when he finally did, the person who appeared before his eyes was the one he’d been thinking about for days. Seeing him there, just a few steps away after having been so close to him the last time, made Leo feel a little embarrassed after everything he’d been thinking.

“Hyung,” said Anxin, pouting adorably. “I was waiting for you and you weren’t replying to my messages.”

Oh. Right. The week before, he’d told Anxin that he was practically free that morning and they could meet up. With everything else on his mind, he hadn’t even remembered.

“Sorry,” he mumbled quickly. “I stayed up late last night finishing something and I’ve barely slept,” he lied. “And I left my phone in the bedroom, but I realised too late to go back and get it.”

Anxin watched him for a few moments, seeming to weigh up what Leo had just said, and then gave him a warm, tender smile in which his eyes turned into two crescent moons. Leo was lost in that smile because it was the first time he’d seen it and he found it utterly beautiful. As dazzled as he was, Leo didn’t even notice that Anxin’s adorable smile was turning into a mischievous one in which his fang made an appearance, just as he hadn’t realised how the boy was drawing closer to him until he felt his lips touch his cheek. Leo only came to his senses when he felt the touch of Anxin’s lips against his skin, and he felt his whole body flush at the contact whilst his heart pounded wildly in his chest.

“Shall we go?” Anxin said cheerfully, as if he hadn’t just kissed him on the cheek, as if that were something completely normal between them when it clearly wasn’t. “I saw they had cheesecake on offer today at the café where the hyungs work.”

Leo had been paralysed by the contact, his mind racing and his heart pounding, but the moment Anxin mentioned the cheesecake, Leo tried to divert all his thoughts towards that, towards the hunger he felt because he hadn’t had breakfast, trying to stop thinking about Anxin and his actions.

“Let’s go,” was all he replied, rising from his seat.

~

“Do you think I’m going crazy?”

Leo asked Junseo and Sangwon that question after bringing them up to speed on the series of events that had taken place since they’d all gone out partying together. First, of course, he’d told them what had happened with Anxin at the club and on the way home, then he’d talked about how Anxin had kissed him on the cheek for the first time, and finally, he’d told them about every single time, over the past week, that Anxin had taken his hand or kissed him on the cheek when he’d wanted to get his attention, or simply at random moments, for no apparent reason. Leo had been mulling over this new behaviour all week because he was used to Anxin being clingy with him, but not to such displays of affection that made him freeze up, and the only thing he’d achieved by it was not sleeping properly and becoming more and more tense in Anxin’s presence every day. That was why he’d asked the council of —not— wise men to help him, and that was why he was there, telling them his life story.

“I don’t think you’re going crazy,” Junseo replied in a gentle tone, meant to calm him down. “Perhaps Anxin is just a very affectionate guy and feels comfortable with you,” he said, looking pensive. “I’ve seen him hug Xinlong and Sanghyeon quite a lot, and sometimes Jiahao, though Jiahao usually shakes him off quickly,” he told him. “The other day when we all went out together, he hugged me too and told me he was really happy that Sangwon and I were dating, that we looked like an amazing couple,” he added, with a slight smile. “I suppose to try and make up for his mistake the other day.”

Leo listened attentively to Junseo’s words and nodded in agreement. He’d already realised that Anxin was quite an affectionate person; he’d known it practically from their first meeting. He’d also seen how Anxin interacted and got on with everyone else; he’d seen him being affectionate with them, hugging them when greeting them or leaning on them when he was tired. For a month, he’d done the same with him. Exactly the same. However, Leo couldn’t help thinking that there was something else, that something must have changed because Anxin didn’t kiss the others, only hugging them. He didn’t hold any of the others’ hands either. That was something he only did with him, and Leo couldn’t understand what had caused that change and why he had been treating him differently since that night at the club.

“Have you ever thought that maybe Anxin is interested in you?” said Sangwon, speaking for the first time in all that while and surprising him so much with what he’d said that Leo’s heart stopped beating for a moment. “I mean… he only kisses you; that must mean you’re the only one who’s more special than the rest.”

Leo was completely paralysed by Sangwon’s words, not knowing what to say or do for a few moments; however, the moment he finally managed to process the exact meaning of what his friend had said, all he could do was deny it.

“Stop talking nonsense, Lee Sangwon,” he retorted. “Anxin can’t possibly be interested in me.”

“Why not?” Sangwon retorted. “You’re a gorgeous, interesting guy, as well as charming to everyone around you,” he listed, but Leo rolled his eyes at that because Sangwon held him in such high regard. “Besides, it’s not just that Anxin is interested in you,” he said after that. “You seem interested in him too, because otherwise you wouldn’t be racking your brains over this.”

“You’re right about that, Sangwon,” Junseo remarked, “if you weren’t the slightest bit interested in Anxin, you wouldn’t be mulling over how he behaves towards you.”

Leo shot them both a look of deep exasperation because he hadn’t called them to hear that. They were supposed to be his friends and were meant to help him and agree with everything Leo said, not put him on the spot like that and make him think about things he didn’t want to think about for anything in the world. He was about to reply that that was impossible and that he clearly had no interest in Anxin, but before he could, Leo saw the person at the centre of their conversation appear before them and, upon seeing Leo, a beautiful smile spread across his lips before he ran towards him.

“Leo hyung,” he said, excitedly, jumping on him and planting a kiss on his cheek that left him completely frozen. “I was really sad because I wasn’t going to be able to see you all day today, but now I’m happy again,” the boy gave him a tight hug and then pulled away, still smiling. “See you tomorrow.”

And, just as he had arrived, Anxin left, running away from them until he reached Sanghyeon to continue on his way. Leo felt a whirlwind of emotions inside him because of that. Firstly, because the way Anxin had arrived had been unexpected, and secondly, because he could still feel the tingling in the exact spot where his lips had touched his cheek. But the worst part of it all was that right in front of him, watching him intently, were Junseo and Sangwon. For a moment, Leo wanted to lift the blanket they were sitting on in that campus park and crawl underneath it to hide from their gaze, but he dismissed the idea immediately because that would make him look even more stupid than he already did. So, Leo simply waited in silence for his death sentence.

“I think Sangwon’s right,” Junseo murmured a few seconds later. “It seems Anxin’s interested in you… and that you’re interested in him too.”

~

“Are you okay, Anxin?” Leo couldn’t help but ask.

Anxin didn’t answer him; he probably hadn’t even heard him because he was too lost in his own thoughts. This worried Leo far more than he was already by the situation they found themselves in, and without thinking he moved closer to Anxin, placing a hand on his shoulder in a touch he tried to make comforting, though he didn’t know whether or not it had had the desired effect. Anxin hadn’t stopped trembling for a while and his eyes were glassy, as if he were on the verge of tears.

“Anxin…” he called again, this time brushing the boy’s neck with his thumb, stroking him gently. “I’m sure they’ll get us out of here soon, don’t worry about a thing, I’m here with you.”

Leo tried to make his words comforting for Anxin because he was clearly having a hard time and Leo didn’t want to see him like that. Anxin responded to that —to his words and to the touch on his neck— by turning towards Leo and looking at him for the first time since they’d been trapped in that lift. His expression showed panic, but he also seemed grateful to him, so Leo gave him a small smile and then opened his arms, indicating to the boy that he could hug him if it made him feel better. It didn’t take Anxin a single second to press himself against Leo’s body, hugging him tightly and burying his face in Leo’s shoulder. The boy sighed deeply, and Leo felt his body relax —not completely, but a little, enough to show him that the hug had calmed him somewhat—.

Leo wrapped his arms around Anxin’s slender waist and then let his mind wander to how they’d ended up in that situation, trapped in the university lift. That day they’d arranged to meet for lunch and, after that, the plan was to go to the library to work on their own things, with Leo staying there by his side simply in case Anxin was unable to understand something or express himself properly. However, before heading to the library, Sangwon had asked Leo to return his student card because he needed it, and they had taken a detour to meet him and hand it over as soon as his class finished. Leo and Anxin had got into that lift simply because Sangwon’s class was on the top floor of the building, and they had got stuck there, halfway up.

Leo didn’t like cramped or enclosed spaces, but Anxin must have disliked them even more, judging by his reaction, and Leo couldn’t blame him because it wasn’t a pleasant situation. At least they were together whilst they waited for someone to come and get them out of there, something that wouldn’t take too long to happen because he’d already reported what had happened via the intercom a while ago and had been told they’d send someone round quickly. All they could do was stay there, calm, trying not to panic, waiting for someone to finally arrive to sort out whatever problem the lift had and get them out of there.

Leo had expected it to be something simple, something quick, but the minutes had started to tick by and Anxin was squirming in his embrace, restless. Being there for so long must have been making him very nervous, and Leo didn’t really know what to do to help him relax a little again, so he held him a little tighter against his body, listening to a faint gasp escape from Anxin’s lips. That gasp made Leo’s whole body tense and his heart start beating much faster than it already was, him being all too aware of the way every centimetre of Anxin’s body was pressing against him and how the boy fitted perfectly in his arms.

Leo closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to think of something else, anything else would do, whatever it was; yet, every time he tried, his mind drifted back to Anxin again and again. However, not being able to stop thinking about Anxin wasn’t the worst thing that happened to him in that lift, because a few moments later he began to feel Anxin’s lips against the skin of his neck, leaving light kisses there and sending shivers down Leo’s spine at the contact. Leo grew nervous and tried to push Anxin away to make him stop, but all he managed to achieve was that the boy didn’t just kiss his neck. Anxin’s response was to give him a gentle bite, then lick and suck that spot. Leo had to clench his teeth tightly so that no sound escaped his lips without his permission, because it was making him feel far too good.

Leo couldn’t think; all he could do was feel Anxin’s lips tracing an upward path up his neck, reaching his jawline, kissing every centimetre of it. Leo tensed up completely the moment Anxin’s lips touched the corner of his mouth and opened his eyes —he hadn’t even realised he’d closed them— to find Anxin staring intently into his eyes. There was no trace left of the look of panic that had graced his face just a few minutes earlier; now, all Leo could see in the boy was that he seemed to have made a firm decision. Faced with that probing gaze, which shone in a way that sent shivers down his spine, all Leo could do was whisper the boy’s name, but his whisper was quickly drowned out by Anxin’s lips moving against his own, kissing him hungrily and more out of instinct than any real awareness of what he was doing.

Anxin’s lips were insistent, eagerly seeking his again and again, but Leo couldn’t return the kiss because his body had gone completely numb with surprise, unable to fully process that Anxin was kissing him like that. By the time he finally processed it, the lift began to move again, causing them both to be separated by the jolt, and Anxin pulled away from his body as if it were burning, breathing heavily, his lips red and swollen, and looking at Leo in surprise, as if he himself couldn’t believe what had just happened. Leo couldn’t believe it either. He couldn’t believe that Anxin had kissed him; he couldn’t believe that had happened between them, just as he couldn’t believe how his body seemed to want to hold the boy in his arms, the touch of his inexperienced lips against his own.

The lift stopped a few seconds later and the doors opened, signalling that the problem had been resolved. And, before Leo could do or say anything, Anxin had already stepped out of the door, moving away from the lift and Leo quickly, running, fleeing from what had just happened in that metal cubicle.

~

Perhaps Leo was a bit slow when it came to relationships with people; perhaps it was because he usually had many barriers up between himself and the people around him, but after the lift incident, it had become clear to Leo that what Junseo and Sangwon had told him was true. He’d tried to deny it; he’d tried to think of different scenarios that would end with Anxin kissing him and that would explain what had happened between them in that lift. However, no matter what excuse he came up with, no matter how many times he turned the situation over in his mind, it always led him back to the only thing that could explain what had happened there between them. To have kissed him like that, Anxin must have liked Leo… and Leo, for his part, despite having been paralysed, had enjoyed it and found himself thinking that he wanted more, that he needed much more from Anxin, so he could conclude that he liked the boy too.

The confirmation that this must be true had come from Anxin himself, who wasn’t replying to his messages and was avoiding him every time he saw him in the college corridors, before Leo even had time to try and speak to him. Anxin must have felt embarrassed by what had happened and, probably because of Leo’s lack of reaction at the time, must have thought that Leo hadn’t liked what he’d done and that was why he was avoiding him. Leo, however, hadn’t been put off by it; he wasn’t angry with Anxin over what had happened, and all he wanted was to talk to him so they could clear up what had gone on between them and find out what Anxin really expected of him.

Leo wasn’t someone who was good at relationships; every time he’d tried, it had been an absolute failure, until he’d finally stopped trying. Anxin had only just stepped out into the world to discover it, to try and find his place, and Leo didn’t want to be a dead weight dragging him down in any way. He didn’t know what to expect, he didn’t know what might happen, but he had to try and talk to Anxin somehow, having a serious conversation with him sooner rather than later because he couldn’t let time just pass by like that, with Anxin avoiding him and leaving what had happened between them in the lift up in the air. However, getting through to Anxin seemed completely impossible, and Leo felt a bit frustrated by it.

“Can I sit here?” asked a voice, snapping Leo out of his thoughts and making him look up to see Jiahao standing before him. “Or is the seat taken?”

“No, I mean, yes,” Leo replied quickly, surprised to see Jiahao there; however, seeing the boy’s faint smile, he realised his answer had been the worst possible response and tried to make amends. “It’s not taken and you can sit down,” he clarified.

“You’re a funny guy,” remarked Jiahao, sitting down opposite him. “You’re handsome too, and you seem nice and caring. Besides, nobody speaks ill of you… I can see why Anxin is pining for you.” The boy’s words left Leo staring wide-eyed, as he hadn’t expected Jiahao to say something like that. “I don’t usually get involved in people’s business because I expect them to sort things out for themselves, but Anxin is quite important to me and I don’t like seeing him sad because he’s unable to do something as simple as telling you he likes you.”

Leo had imagined that Anxin might like him; that was the only conclusion he’d been able to draw from all of it, but having Jiahao confirm it in such a direct manner made Leo feel like a computer malfunctioning due to a system error. Leo tried to speak, but the words wouldn’t come out of his mouth, and that made Jiahao laugh again. His laughter echoed through the almost empty café, and Leo used that sound to try to refocus and regain control of his whole being.

“Judging by your reaction, I reckon you fancy Anxin too,” he said, and Leo felt as though he was pleased by this, if the permanent smile on his face was to be believed. “Anxin would be delighted to know.”

“I’ve tried to talk to him,” Leo began, finally finding his voice, “but he doesn’t reply to my messages and every time I see him at uni, he runs away from me.” Leo sighed deeply. “It’s hard to talk and figure out what he’s expecting, what he wants, if he runs off every time I try.”

“He told me he practically pounced on you in the lift,” murmured Jiahao with a smile. “He probably thinks you hate him,” he clarified. “It strikes me as odd to see Anxin so afraid of your reaction, especially since he’s always been very clear about things and had the goal of going out with you right from the start.”

“What?” asked Leo, feeling utterly confused by what Jiahao had just said. “What do you mean he’d had his goal set on going out with me from the start?”

Jiahao nervously bit his lower lip, as if he’d just realised that he’d said something he shouldn’t have, then picked up his coffee from the table, stalling for time before answering. Leo kept staring at him, waiting for an answer to the question he’d asked, and although it took him a few moments, Jiahao finally gave it to him.

“It’s not for me to say, but I know that at this rate, Anxin will never tell you himself,” he began. “On the first day of class, he bumped into you by chance and thought you were incredibly handsome. When you walked past him, your student card fell out, and instead of picking it up and giving it to you straight away, he chased you halfway across the campus, thinking about how he could return it to you and make you fall head over heels for him,” Jiahao rolled his eyes, because it must have seemed silly to him, but Leo was stunned because he’d never imagined that Anxin was the one who’d picked up his lost card. “He found out by chance that you were on the exchange program helping international students and moved heaven and earth to get himself included in the program and to ensure you were the one assigned to mentor him so he could get close to you”. Jiahao sighed deeply. “I told him to just give you your card back and ask you out, but he decided to make a big fuss of it,” the boy in front of him shrugged. “Anxin’s a good guy, but he’s still a bit immature. I hope you don’t hold it against him and that you sort this out before he pulls all his hair out.”

Jiahao gave him a friendly smile and then simply got up from the table, walking over to another table in the café where Geonwoo was waiting for him, leaving Leo alone with his thoughts, trying to process everything he’d just heard.

~

“Anxin?” Sanghyeon called out, making him jump. He quickly turned his head towards him, giving him a small apologetic smile because he’d been lost in his thoughts. “I know you’re feeling a bit down about what happened the other day with Leo hyung,” he began. Anxin tensed at the mention of Leo’s name, “but I think it might be a good idea for you to talk to him.”

Anxin sighed deeply. He wasn’t the first person to have said that to him —Jiahao and Xinlong had already told him so before— but telling him he should talk to Leo was very easy; but doing it, however, was the hardest thing in the world for Anxin. Leo was surely disappointed in him, surely hated him, surely didn’t want anything to do with him, and surely, if he did approach him, it would only be to punch him —a punch that Anxin richly deserved for everything he’d done to him—. First, he’d stolen his student card and still hadn’t given it back, even though he’d seen him get into all sorts of trouble for not having it; secondly, he’d spent over a month touching him, hugging him, trying to flirt with him subtly, whilst he was completely smitten with him… and, last but not least, he’d pounced on him in the lift and kissed him, without his permission, without his consent.

And Leo had let Anxin be clingy with him, but the look of surprise on his face and the way he hadn’t returned the kiss had told Anxin everything he needed to know. Leo wasn’t interested in him in any way, and Anxin had simply been crossing the line time and time again. He’d surely exhausted all of Leo’s patience, and although Leo wasn’t violent in the slightest and the part where Anxin had imagined him hitting him to let out all his frustration would never come to pass, Anxin knew that Leo would want to have a conversation with him to tell him he didn’t want to have anything to do with him ever again. Anxin knew he’d done everything wrong and that it was only natural for Leo to hate him, but that made him feel quite sad and made him regret what he’d done in the lift. He’d been beside himself because of the situation they were in, and the way Leo had pressed him against him to calm him down had driven him crazy, but that just sounded like an excuse even to himself, because from day one, the only thing he’d ever wanted had been Leo.

“Are you going to spend the rest of your life like this?” Sanghyeon asked him, and Anxin could only look at him and sigh deeply. “Is it still in time for me to return you as a friend, or have I missed the deadline?”

“I didn’t come with a receipt because you bought me second-hand; you can’t return me,” replied Anxin, trying to sound a bit more cheerful. Sanghyeon rolled his eyes at his reply. “But I hope not, that it’ll pass… eventually…” Anxin didn’t think it would pass any time soon, but he didn’t want his friend to get fed up with him so quickly just because he couldn’t forget a guy. A perfect guy, but a guy, after all. “I just need a bit of time.”

“Right,” replied Sanghyeon. “How about you look for the book we need for the assignment so you can take your mind off things for a bit?”

Anxin sighed deeply. Sanghyeon had probably said that because he couldn’t be bothered to get up himself to look for the book, but Anxin didn’t comment on it and simply told him to send him the book’s call number before getting up from the table where they were sitting and beginning his treasure hunt amongst the shelves crammed with books. It didn’t take him long to reach the section where what he was looking for should be, but when he got there, he wandered around for a while, searching every shelf for the book without success. It had to be there, somewhere, because if it wasn’t, Sanghyeon wouldn’t have asked him to go; however, no matter how hard he looked, Anxin couldn’t find it.

He was so engrossed in his search that Anxin didn’t notice anything going on around him. For that reason, he wasn’t aware that someone else was standing beside him in that aisle between the shelves until he felt a pair of hands grab him by the shoulders. Anxin jumped at the touch, but immediately thought it must be Sanghyeon, who’d come looking for him because he’d been taking so long; however, the moment the person gripping his shoulders turned him round, the boy realised it wasn’t Sanghyeon and his whole body tensed up completely as he saw Leo standing in front of him, just a few centimetres away.

“I’ve got you,” Leo murmured, gripping him tighter and pressing his body against the bookshelf behind him. “You can’t run away now.”

Leo said this, staring intently at him, practically drilling into him with his dark eyes. Anxin felt as though he couldn’t breathe and his heart was beating far too fast; moreover, his mind was racing, telling him over and over again that he had to escape, but Leo held him tightly, and though he tried, he knew there was nothing he could do against him. All could do was wait and pray that Leo would at least be kind to him, though he wasn’t in a position to ask for much, not after everything he’d done. However, after waiting for a few moments, Leo showed no sign of wanting to speak, of wanting to smash his face in, of doing anything other than staring at him, and that made Anxin feel even more nervous and desperate.

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out quickly, without even thinking about what he was saying, or knowing what he was going to say next. “I’m sorry about the other day, I’m sorry…”

But Anxin couldn’t say anything else; he couldn’t list all the things he was feeling one by one, because at that moment, Leo’s lips crashed against his, silencing him instantly and causing the boy to open his eyes wide, surprised by what was happening. It couldn’t be real; he must have fallen asleep in the library; he must be dreaming that Leo was kissing him because that was what he’d wanted from day one. Yet Leo’s hands on his shoulders, the way his lips moved against his mouth, as if he wanted everything from him, seemed so real and invited him so much to let himself go, that Anxin gave in to it, closing his eyes and returning the kiss, clutching Leo’s t-shirt tightly, entwining his tongue with Leo’s and feeling himself run out of breath from the intensity of the kiss. They only parted to catch their breath, moving slightly away from each other, yet remaining so close that their noses touched.

“You don’t have to apologise for kissing me,” Leo told him. Anxin felt a shiver run through his whole body when he heard Leo’s voice so close, when he heard the words that he was saying to him. “As you’ve just seen, I want to kiss you too,” Anxin felt Leo’s lips against his again. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this for several days now; about what you want and expect from me; about how you feel…” he murmured against his mouth, “but all that can wait; we can talk about it calmly if you stop running away from me.” Leo planted another quick kiss on his lips and Anxin felt his head spinning because this couldn’t possibly be happening. “The only thing I’m in a hurry about is getting my student card back; as for the rest, we can figure it out bit by bit,” Anxin tensed at the last remark and was about to apologise again, without even wondering how Leo had found out about it, but before he could speak, Leo continued. “I’m not angry about that either, and you don’t need to apologise,” he said. “Losing the card and you finding it was perhaps the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.” Leo finally pulled away from him, stepping completely clear of his body and giving him a charming smile. “When you’ve finished the things you’re doing today, let’s talk, okay?”

Anxin nodded at his words and Leo gave him a charming smile before simply turning around and walking away, leaving him there, his heart beating really quick in his chest and his head in a whirl, but certain that what had happened would mark a turning point in his life, because Leo didn’t hate him, Leo had kissed him and Leo wanted to try something with him.