Chapter Text
Jax is doing great. Amazing. Better than ever! ... At least, that's what he wants everybody to think. After all, what wouldn't he have to be happy about, right? Caine is better than ever, the circus has been repaired and is improving day by day, and everybody seems to have forgotten about the button incident. So everything's great, right? There is just one thing Jax needs that he hasn't had sense Ribbit and Kaufmo abstracted. Friends. It would be one thing if it was just him alone in the circus, but there is plenty of people he could have gotten close to.
Theres Kinger, who is a total nuthead and even if they did get to know each other, Kinger wouldn't remember the second he saw light. There is Gangle, but Jax thinks he gets more out of tormenting her than he'd get out of friendship. There is Zooble, who would be pretty cool, but they have a thing for Gangle, and therefore arn't much for Jax's pranks. Of course Ragatha is always there, but after Ribbit, Jax didn't leave things off with her too well. And Pomni... well, Jax is scared if he gets to close to anybody, they will just go away, and just leave him more hurt than before. Why would you deal with more pain if you could just avoid it and not be off any worse than you were before? So he doesn't need anybody. Just himself. And that is good enough. ...Right?
Problem is, Jax isn't too happy with himself, either. It was fine when he got to the circus because so much was going on. And it was fine when Ribbit was around because she made him feel like he was loved no matter who he was. But... she also made it seem... to real. The last time Jax can remember be truly happy was with Ribbit in her room. When she put the bow on his head... it made him feel like he belonged. But I guess he just wasn't ready to belong somewhere yet, or just not ready to open up that part of himself. So he just pushed them away. He didn't feel it anymore then, when he could just be a jerk to everyone and ignore the feeling. If he was gonna suffer here, they all could. And recently, with everything going on with Caine and the circus, there had been bigger things to worry about than his identity. But sense everything is fixed and back to normal... Jax has more time to himself.
And no matter how hard he tries, he can't make people miserable anymore. They are all there for each other. Or it just doesn't give him the effect it used to. Either way, Jax has been contemplating. Nobody in the circus likes him anyway, so its not like he has anything to lose. And if all else fails, he can say it was a joke. He did it ironically. And he doesn't even have to show anybody now... but maybe- just maybe- if Caine is taking suggestions and adding to the circus, he could add something for Jax, too?