Work Text:
>Clark Kent ✓
@clarkkentofficial can't even be romantic in this economy anymore 😭💔 [a string of text messages—
«You»
Can you solve this for me my love?
«You»
9a - 7i < 3 (3a - 7u)
«B ❤»
oh that's easy
«B ❤»
i < 3u
«B ❤»
wasting my fucking time
«B ❤»
blocked
You can no longer send messages to this number. Learn more]
107k likes 192 replies
>>Anna
@getannabortion Replying to @clarkkentofficial unlike you he wasted NO time 😭🥀
27k likes 51 replies
>>>Clark Kent ✓
@clarkkentofficial Replying to @getannabortion 😭😭💔💔
9k likes 30 replies
>>Christopher
@stop Replying to @clarkkentofficial sleepingonthecouchmaxxing 😭🥀
39k likes 19 replies
>>Jennifer
@niffer Replying to @clarkkentofficial he may be your husband but he's still a gothamite—what did you think was gonna happen??? 😭
17k likes 43 replies
>>Supergirl's Wench
@supergirl_swench Replying to @clarkkentofficial “high risk no reward” ass behaviour 😭💔
9.8k likes 29 replies
>>Yolanda
@yoyo Replying to @clarkkentofficial how do you airball a shot at YOUR HUSBAND 😭✌️💔
24k likes 77 replies
>Clark Kent ✓
@clarkkentofficial
[The video, as most of them are, is clearly taken from home—rarely ever from work. The setting, at first glance, seems similar to that of the work place. But Clark Kent's blatantly informal attire—literal pyjamas—betray the fact that he is currently most likely in a study. While Clark is front and center in the camera's range, Bruce is speaking from outside of it. And it becomes starkly clear seven seconds into the video that it wasn't taped with the intention of uploading, but more simply for the sake of reliable but efficient information recording. Clark Kent is very mundanely just balancing a pencil over his lips as Bruce speaks in the background—occasionally swaying in his chair. Literal seconds later, the pencil is snatched from over his lips with lightning quick swiftness and Clark flounders.
“What did I even—” Clark frustratedly throws his hands up, “—what did I even do?!—” before ultimately bursting out into laughter. “You're irritating me,” Bruce replies, still so very much out of the camera's range that his voice sounds distant. His reply doubles Clark over, merciless where he was already so desperately out of breath and wheezing, before the video ends.]
203k likes 391 replies
>>47 Missiles
@halfexception47 Replying to @clarkkentofficial this is what happens when you marry your best friend 😭💔
39k likes 72 replies
>>Melissa☬•◍✧*
@mel Replying to @clarkkentofficial you knew what you were getting yourself into Mr Kent 😭🥀
17k likes 21 replies
>>Layla The One
@laylathe01 Replying to @clarkkentofficial and were we supposed to pick your side here? 😭🥀
11k likes 37 replies
>>Mo_lly
@•◍✧*。Replying to @clarkkentofficial I blinked and the pencil was gone 😭💔
15k likes 19 replies
>Anna
@getannabortion I love my gf but she's lowkey a stereotypical metropolitan larper
27k likes 289 replies
>Anna
@getannabortion Gun to ya head name one Batman rogue that isn't the Joker @emy
13k likes 192 replies
>>Emilia(｡☬０☬｡)
@emy Replying to @getannabortion Poison Ivy.
21k likes 72 replies
>>>Anna
@getannabortion Replying to @emy Gooner.
47k likes 103 replies
>>>>Emilia(｡☬０☬｡)
@emy Replying to @getannabortion I was never gonna win this was I? 😭😭💔
19k likes 65 replies
>>>>Christopher
@stop Replying to @getannabortion did you just call your gf a gooner??? 😭🥀
1.7k likes 26 replies
•◍✧*。
“I ain't no snitch!” You're GONNA be an invalid brorigerator 😭✌️ #batman #gotham #fyp #gothamcity #batmanpettyasshit #battycakes
[The footage zooms in and out, constantly moving as the cameraman finds the best angle to keep both Batman and the goon he's leisurely advancing towards in frame. The bars of the cameraman's balcony railing make the task difficult but not impossible. And by the time the footage is steady, the sounds of a very one-sided altercation have already stopped.
“Fuck you!” the goon lashes out, even as he continues to stumble backwards the closer Batman gets. Batman says something, too quietly for the camera to pick up but loud enough for the alley to echo it into something unintelligible. “I ain't no fucking sni—!” in the blink of an eye, Batman has closed the distance between them to nothing. “—wait, WAIT!” the goon shrieks, flinching back, hands outstretched in a pleading gesture. And the cameraman bursts out into laughter, doubling over themselves and losing their impressive angle. Wheezing for breath before the video cuts.]
>Jennifer
@niffer great Neptune! They're evolving! 😲
19k likes 43 replies
>Rocko
@elmocansuckit smartest criminal the streets of Gotham have ever known 😭💔
14k likes 17 replies
>Mario:-\
@mario would’ve snitched when I saw the bat signal
21k likes 40 replies
>NotJenny
@notjenny378 I’m talking before he touch me gng 😭🥀
8k likes 11 replies
>#1 Bruce Wayne Connoisseur
@brucewaynecanWHOOPurahh he went blow for blow with Superman but the average no-name thug thinks they're a different breed??? broison ivy TALK😭✌️💔
17.9k likes 109 replies
>The REAL Jonathan Smith
@therealjohnsmith071 all he gotta do is look at me ngl😭💔
9k likes 32 replies
BATMAN Interview | The Dark Knight Answers Our Most Pressing Questions #metropolisstar #metropolisstarofficial #batman #superman #fyp #justiceleague
[—“Batman! Just one question, no more no less!” Batman decidedly crouches low on the rooftop he's perched atop of, the same way cats do before they leap and sprint away. “Just one!” the reporter holding her microphone skyward, as if the attempt to catch any word from Batman from his distance isn't futile, tries again. Borderline pleading, “—only one!”
Silence persists for ten agonising seconds where Batman remains completely motionless. The only movement being that of the cameraman growing tired of pointing what must be a heavy camera, upward—betrayed by a trembling quality to the footage. Batman waiting is a hopeful sign but not a guarantee of acquiescence. He has been known to be petty enough to just flee, even now—even mid interview question. Batman moves, leaping back down to the ground and patiently waiting for the reporting crew of two to recover from the shock and dust he kicks up into the air with the force of his landing.
“Right,” the reporter gestures her cameraman closer before eagerly turning her attention to Batman. “You've, long ago, put to rest the rumours claiming you a meta human in the hopes of explaining your feats. But you've yet to enlighten us on how exactly you manage to keep up with literal gods.” she draws closer still, as if still afraid he'll just flee. Rightfully so.
“We would like to know what exactly it is that gives you your edge. Is it your technology? An involvement of mysticism that doesn't necessarily make you a meta human? Pharmaceutical enhancements?” she finally goes silent, actually giving Batman the space to speak—metaphorically of course, as she holds the microphone directly over his lips.
“I'd say I get my...edge, from hyper competence. It's not just physical attributes that help me keep up—I'm...creative in how I use them.” The footage had briefly rattled when Batman had finally replied, a shudder from the cameraman one could presume. “Right, and... could you give us an example of that?” Batman lets out an unreadable hum and the Metropolis Star reporter still exercising a commendable amount of caution decides to make herself all the more clear and forthcoming. “Only because your statement feels so...encompassing! It could apply to a wide range of scenarios and we only need one for clarification.”
“Hn. Superman has super hearing, but he's not that difficult to catch off guard. Not for me.” That completely ensnares the reporter's attention, she subconsciously leans in a little closer. So does her cameraman. “I don't have to worry about giving myself away. I worry about my environment giving me away—specifically when it's organic.”
“Superman won't hear me coming, I've mastered the art of stealth. But the grass beneath my feet bends and breaks nonetheless. The chemicals it releases into the air in communicating to the surrounding grass reaches the insects that hide in grass strands. Insects that react and their insectivore predators that stalk and watch their reactions.” the reporter has now decidedly inched a good two feet away from Batman. “The entire forest will know there's someone there, and it'll go quiet. Superman will hear it go quiet, and he'll know I'm there. Even if he can't see me, can't hear me. He'll know.”
“But the simple fact remains, he can't hear or see me. Therefore, most people—meta or no— definitely wouldn't even know I'm there.” the reporter remains silent and stares wide eyed. The footage is violently trembling again. “Its a simple skillset.”]
>Yolanda
@yoyo as a gothamite, I'm being so serious when I say he's NOT USUALLY LIKE THIS 😭💔💔💔
13k likes 97 replies
>>Lizzzie
@lizzzie Replying to @yoyo acting outta pocket as soon as he's in foreign territory 😭✌️🥀
2.7k likes 12 replies
>#1 Bruce Wayne Connoisseur
@brucewaynecanWHOOPurahh right, so I just wanna know what possessed him to say all that [meme of a poorly drawn cartoon solemnly holding a slipper]
29k likes 47 replies
>>Black Canary's Wife
@blackcanarysonlygurl Replying to @brucewaynecanWHOOPurahh snatch his free coffee privileges while you're at it too! 😭💔
7k likes 5 replies
>Supergirl's Wench
@supergirl_swench im so fucking scared bro 💔
5k likes 69 replies
>Anna
@getannabortion feeling like a disappointed parent watching their child who promised wasn't feeling nauseous projectile vomit all over the neighbours carpet 💔
16k likes 43 replies
>Minnie❣️
@minniebambini there are two types of people in this comment section 😭😭 [a screenshot of the two comments above]
7k likes 10 replies
>Anthony
@tony he's probably trolling just to be petty but I can't even blame the non-gothamites in this comment section if they don't believe me 😭✌️🥀
11k likes 34 replies
>Superman's Favourite C*msock
@whosaidthat?!? Gothamites in this comment section trying to convince us that their resident demonic entity is the cutest patootiest wittle bambini to ever walk the face of the earth 😭✌️💔
14k likes 79 replies
>>Christopher
@stop Replying to @whosaidthat?!? HE IS!! 😭💔 [a rare high quality picture of Batman, holding a child's hand and presumably walking the boy home—in broad daylight]
6k likes 30 replies
>>47 Missiles
@halfexception47 Replying to @whosaidthat?!? we genuinely don't know what's gotten into him 😭💔
4.9k likes 8 replies
>>Jenna
@jenna410 Replying to @whosaidthat?!? so we're just gonna ignore the username???
9k likes 21 replies
>Elmo
@rockocansuckit as soon as he comes back to Gotham he's fucking grounded!!😭💔
17k likes 49 replies
>>Jennifer
@niffer Replying to @rockocansuckit effective immediately!!! 😭🙏🥀
3k likes 4 replies
>>Melissa☬•◍✧*
@mel Replying to @rockocansuckit he's NEVER seeing the outside of Gotham's borders ever again 😭🙏💔
4.1k likes 7 replies
notevenhannah
Well damn 😭💔 #gothamcity #brucewayne #clarkkent #cruce #gala #fyp #gothamgazzeteinternshipssuck
[Bruce Wayne is standing beside Clark Kent. Popping the last of a confectionery into his mouth, before reaching for one of the napkins meticulously wrapped around the unused cutlery placed on the disgustingly opulent buffet table. The table that Clark Kent in turn, is leaning against—one surge of boldness away from outright sitting on it. Their proximity to one another making their contrasting attires all the more stark and obvious. While Clark Kent wears a navy blue tuxedo that loosely fits his form, as if to try and hide his enormous build—and failing—paired with the laminated Daily Planet badge hanging around his neck. Bruce Wayne has taken a greater liberty on his own outfit, lacking the formality his husband's has. Borderline comical if it weren't for the fact that it looks good on him.
His pants, at first glance, seem like the normal, black pants of a three piece suit—till one notices the sleeves at the bottom. All of a sudden, Bruce Wayne is wearing shirt sleeves for pants. A tux, much like Clark's, would be more fitting in such a setting. Bruce cares enough to only wear a shirt, just as black as his pants. So much so in fact, it almost seems like the two are a combined jumpsuit, till the illusion breaks when the literal seams become visible under the occasional blinding flash of a camera. But Bruce is adamant on undermining the formality of the gala. Undoing any sense of seriousness established by the shirt with a white, sleeveless shirt layered atop the first. Cut to his midsection before tapering off at the edges in pleats. Again, it's a pretty comical look, perhaps even bordering on disrespectful to the event. Too bad it looks good.
Bruce Wayne barely cares about the event at large, he's made that obvious. But Clark Kent is clearly paying close attention. While Bruce busses himself with another confectionery, Clark decidedly keeps to himself, arms crossed over his chest and everything. And eventually, Bruce notices the camera that's been on him and subsequently Clark, this whole time. Offering his famous megawatt smile just as the camera zooms in closer now that he's facing it.
Clark doesn't notice the camera, but he notices Bruce's reaction to it. Briefly scrutinising Bruce's face before turning his own gaze to the camera. An acknowledgement that lasts literally no longer than three seconds before he's returned his attention to the event. Six seconds pass before Clark rises from the table, arms still crossed over his chest as if he intends to simply stand. Before he settles right behind Bruce, effectively cutting off the camera's view of him. The footage sharply zooms out and jostles a bit as the cameraman and another voice let out startled chuckles. “Damn,” the cameraman laments between chuckles, while futilely searching for a new angle. The little glimpse of Bruce they get is over Clark's left shoulder where Bruce has taken to resting his head and jovially chat his husband's ear off. Clearly anything but upset with Clark's choice of action.]
>Black Canary's Wife
@blackcanarysonlygurl that's the face of a man who knows he's isn't played about 😭 [an editted image from the video, zoomed in on Bruce's giddy face over Clark's left shoulder]
31k likes 79 replies
>Christopher
@stop im crine he genuinely doesn't give a fuck about you guys 😭💔 [a looped clip of Clark's gaze finding the camera for all of three, uninterested seconds before looking away]
9k likes 27 replies
>#1 Bruce Wayne Connoisseur
@brucewaynecanWHOOPurahh their size difference is actually DIABOLICAL 😭💔
12k likes 49 replies
>>Emilia(｡☬０☬｡)
@emy Replying to @brucewaynecanWHOOPurahh no cause why did he actually disappear 😭😭
901 likes 7 replies
>Anthony
@tony oh my god! The man who's been infamously down bad about his husband doesn't play about his husband??? Don't tell me you also found a fork in the kitchen!💔
2k likes 19 replies