Work Text:
"-and if you imbecilic hacks can't figure out how to structure a god damned sentence, find me someone who can!"
Kara doesn't need her powers to hear the end of that meeting in Cat's office. She's pretty sure the entire building heard it. Maybe even the next building over.
Cat's in a bad mood again, which has become unfortunately common over the past few weeks. Some days will be fine, better than ever, even. And then, back to this.
The one saving grace is people aren't being fired at the same rate as Cat's past moods, but it's a slim grace at the moment. The tension in the air is bad enough that even if people aren't being fired, the whispers of resignations are in the air. Everyone wants a solution, but no one knows where to look or what to do.
Except Kara.
If only it were that simple.
"Oh, hi Cat, you know how you've been in a bad mood lately, well, you can stop now! Okay thanks, see you later!"
Yeah, that would go over well.
Not only would it not work, it would likely see Kara fired. And worse, broken up with at the same time. And while she's honestly surprised she hasn't been broken up with yet, she's not anxious to test her luck.
"I swear to god, Kara, if you don't fix this," Lucy says as she opens Kara's office door and steps inside quickly, voice low to keep anyone from overhearing her. "I don't know what you did, or what she did, or what the frickin Dalai Lama did, but someone needs to do something else and quick. One more meeting like that and something is going to give. And probably not the thing that should."
Looking up guiltily from her computer, Kara shrugs and tries to play it off. Lucy knows she's dating Cat, because Lucy is dating Alex, but Kara isn't comfortable confirming it while at CatCo. Even knowing that Lucy already knows isn't enough to erase the discomfort. "I'm sure it will pass soon enough, the record for Cat's moods was only 2 months, and we're already close to a month of it. Plus, no one is being fired unless they actually deserve it, so it can't be as bad this time."
Lucy looks at her like she's grown another head or suddenly turned into a Martian, and Kara tries to keep from squirming. Yeah, she knows it's bad this time. But if she admits it, then that opens up a whole lot of other issues she doesn't want to deal with.
Better to hope things do actually smooth over soon. Hope is her family crest, right?
"Look, I may not know what's going on, but I know bullshit when I hear it." Lucy's voice is sharp, and Kara's reminded of the DEO agent and JAG officer sides of her friend. She'd come back to CatCo after she and Alex decided they'd like to start a family at some point in the near future, both for the better pay and the security of not being in the thick of battle every other week, but that doesn't mean those instincts are gone. "What the hell did you do, and why the fuck aren't you fixing it?"
"I-" Kara starts, not sure what she's going to say. There's too much to find the words.
The door opening again saves Kara from needing to answer, but doesn't save her from much else when both women look up to see Cat standing there. "Ah, smarter Lane. I would've thought I'd find you in your own office, working on fixing the travesty of a defamation filing your department handed me, not in with one of my editors gossiping."
With Cat in this mood, even Lucy's steel spine isn't enough to stand firm, though she does better than most would manage. "Cat, I was working on some additional problem solving for a moment, don't mind me. I'm sure Kara has it under control now, though, so I'll just- go get on that filing."
If not for the fact she understood the impulse completely, Kara would almost feel betrayed at how quickly Lucy abandoned her to Cat's wrath. She's still a little hurt, but she gets it. Part of her wishes she could be right behind her friend on the way out the door right about now.
"Hey, Miss Grant," Kara says politely, giving the open door a warning glance. "How can I help you?"
Cat's expression sours even further, something Kara wasn't sure was possible, but she shuts the door in response to Kara's unspoken request.
Crossing the room to settle on the couch with less grace than Kara's seen from her outside of six martini nights, Cat leans her head back against the wall and takes a few deep breathes. It's a trick Kara recognizes from her therapy sessions, breathing exercises for calming and centering. A good sign, maybe?
Or maybe a bad one, Kara isn't sure.
She's definitely going to find out.
"This can't keep going on," Cat says after a few moments of steady breathing, still looking at the ceiling and not at Kara. "I owe it to myself and CatCo to stop taking my frustrations out on my employees. I know that, but I can't stop doing it."
"Cat, I-"
"Let me finish," Cat orders, finally looking at Kara for a moment before returning her gaze to the ceiling. "I don't know how to solve this, and I don't know what to do next. But I ruined four marriages and more relationships than that by refusing to let myself compromise, and I'll be damned if I ruin this one the same way. So either we are going to talk about this like mature, rational adults, the way we haven't actually done so far. Or I will need to walk away. For myself, for CatCo, maybe even for you."
"Cat," Kara whispers, knowing exactly what Cat means but hating the thought. She can tell Cat doesn't much like the idea either, but she's the one who finally put it out there.
And really, it's only right. Kara'd been the one to set the limits before, to hand out an ultimatum of sorts of her own. Cat deserves the right to do the same.
Even if it hurts.
"I don't want to lose you," Kara says after a moment to gather her thoughts. "In a dozen ways beyond just this driving us apart, I don't want to lose you."
She's always had an artistic heart, and it's all to easy for Kara to imagine scenario after scenario where something happens and Cat is hurt because of her. Because they're together. Because they're in love, whether the words have been said or not. Whether it's her secret identity that catches up to Cat, or just the strain of being with Kara Danvers, Assistant Editor while she's Editor in Chief and Chief Executive Officer of CatCo Worldwide Media. Being with Kara is a risk, on too many levels to count.
"Sometimes, Kara, we don't get to make that decision. Not for someone else, at least."
Cat is right, Kara knows Cat is right. She's always been right. But still, she can't help the fear. "I don't know how to do this," she admits. "What if someone figures out my identity and comes after you because we're together? What if the Board tries to pull another coup, and this time they're successful because we're together. What if-"
"What if none of that happens?" Cat stands, physically stopping Kara's spiral before it can pick up steam. "This is not me insisting that things change here and now, darling. Something like our relationship has to be handled carefully, I know that. We both know there are risks. The difference is, you have to let me decide if I'm willing to take them. And you have to decide if you're willing to take them too."
Just the thought is enough to speed Kara's heart, quite a feat for Kryptonian physiology. "I'm still scared," she admits, knowing she has to be honest. "I don't know how to do this."
"I don't think there are any easy answers to that question," Cat says as she finishes crossing the distance between them. "I don't think we need answers right now, anyway. Just a willingness to try, and to take it one step at a time."
Mimicking Cat's earlier breathing and finding it works just as well for a Kryptonian as it does for a human, Kara manages to calm herself back down. Cat's closeness is a physical comfort that helps more than the breathing, and for once Kara lets herself relax into Cat without worrying about what might happen because of it.
Yes, they're at work. Yes, there are a dozen or more reporters a very few short steps away from them right now. But no one is going to risk upsetting Cat by interrupting one of her meetings, so they're as safe now as they could possibly be. There's practically no risk to letting herself melt into Cat's hold as they share a moment of quiet.
"I know I want to be with you," Kara says when the quiet has let her begin to gather her thoughts. "That's the one thing I know for certain. And we can talk about it more, and make a plan, or figure out a step to take. Because scared or not, I want to be with you."
"Then we'll talk," Cat promises, leaning down slowly to press a kiss to Kara's lips, giving her time to pull back if she's not ready.
And a part of her isn't, kissing at work feels dangerous and uncertain.
But a bigger part of her is. If she can't kiss her girlfriend, who she loves, in a room with a closed door and virtually zero chance of interruption, she'll never be ready to kiss her anywhere else.
And that would be a shame, Kara thinks as she sinks into the kiss. Because she wants to kiss Cat everywhere and anywhere, for as long as Cat will let her.
Guess she’ll just have to get over those fears of hers and make it possible.
One step at a time.