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Luke dropped onto his bunk with a huff and held his head in his hands- or rather, in his one remaining hand and the lifeless contraption that now ended his right arm.
Not that he was ungrateful. The Alliance was far from well supplied and he was honestly lucky that they had such a good quality prosthetic.
It wasn’t the fanciest but it was decent and well beyond what he would’ve gotten back on Tatooine- but then again if he had stayed on Tatooine he wouldn’t have lost his hand in the first place.
A bitter sigh escaped him and he sat back, leaning against the wall of the barracks.
No more than a month had passed since Bespin, and he still hadn’t recovered.
No matter how normal he tried to act, his friends could see it, Rebel High Command could see it- kriff even the Imps could probably see it.
After all, he hadn't been seen blowing up any vital Imperial bases, or slipping away from relentless bounty hunters, or just causing general mayhem for a while.
Most of his time was now spent here struggling to sleep, or wandering the halls lost in thought. And he had lost count of the times he’d pulled apart the engine of his X-wing in pathetic attempts to clear his head.
At the moment the barracks were empty, his fellow pilots were probably out doing drills- or drinking.
Luke let his eyes drift up to stare at the ceiling.
He was thankful for the privacy, but he missed the times when he was able to hang out with his friends… before he had learned the single piece of life changing information Ben had conveniently forgotten to tell him.
Another long bone weary sigh rattled out of his lungs and he wrapped his arms around his chest.
‘No. I am your father.’
Luke’s fingers dug into his arms and he shook his head as if trying to clear away the haunting memory. The four simple words that had seized his whole world, turned it upside down and shaken it.
The secret weighed heavily on his heart.
That his father was the cold blooded murderer that cut through ranks of rebels.
That the man he had looked up to his whole life was in fact the armored wraith of death, devoid of mercy or regret.
He couldn’t tell anyone. Leia had been tortured by the Sith, Han was gone- encased in carbonite, his numerous friends among his squadron certainly wouldn’t take kindly to the news.
There was maybe one person he could confide in… one person that might just understand.
And he could sense that person’s approach.
Sitting up quickly, he shook off the weary expression that had become all too normal for him. The last thing he needed was more people worrying about him.
The door to the barracks slid open and Luke’s best friend stepped in.
Ezra Bridger, the only other Jedi he knew, and one of the heroes of Lothal. They had first met shortly after the battle of Yavin, and had been nearly inseparable ever since.
“Hey Luke.” Ezra greeted, “You missed lunch.”
“Oh.” Was all Luke said.
He didn’t really care about missing meals, but he could see the faint worry that hid in Ezra’s eyes and it made a twinge of guilt go through him.
“Yeah,” He added, “Sorry about that, just got lost in thought.”
Ezra nodded, “I get it, but next time I’ll let Leia come and drag you to the medbay.”
Luke grimaced, “That bad?”
“She’s worried about you.”
Ezra strode over and plopped down onto the bed next to him.
“I know.” Luke murmured, relaxing his carefree facade a tiny bit.
Out of all the friends he had made among the Alliance Ezra was the one he could relate to the most. Both of them had suffered the loss of a mentor, and knew what it was like to face dark siders.
And both of them had dreams of becoming Jedi.
A small smile crossed Luke’s face as he glanced at his friend. Besides Ben, Ezra had been his first interaction with another force sensitive. He still remembered how the force practically sang around them as they first met.
It was almost imperceptible to him due to his lack of training, but Ezra had felt it clearly- that and the bond that had formed between them over the next few weeks.
“Luke,” Ezra said, “I don’t know what happened and you don’t have to tell me, but-”
“That’s right.” Luke interrupted, “You don’t know.”
The words came out harsher than he had meant for them to be, but it was too late to pull them back. Ezra set his jaw and turned his eyes to the wall opposite them.
It wasn’t really fair. Ezra had gone through his fair share of troubles, some that he refused to even speak about. So maybe he didn’t have a genocidal Sith Lord as a father, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t suffered.
Luke dropped his gaze, “Sorry.”
He could sense as Ezra released a small flare of hurt and anger into the force, and he frowned. His friend was always pushing him to practice his force skills but Luke still had a hard time with some of it.
Drawing his focus inward for a moment he isolated a small thread of the great snarl of conflicting emotions that had slowly wound their way around his heart. The twinge of resentment was quickly plucked and released into the force around him.
“It’s fine.” Ezra sighed, “Really.”
“No it's not,” Luke insisted, “You guys are just worried, I just…”
“I understand.”
Ezra really did sound sincere and there was none of the previous hurt. Luke let his eyes fall shut for a moment as he sent a wave of apology through their force bond.
His friend exuded only calm empathy and Luke relaxed further. He hated whenever there was conflict between them.
“I’ll tell you sometime,” Luke promised, “I just need… time.”
“You don’t have to.” Ezra said, eyes a little distant, “I shouldn’t have pressured you.”
“No, I want to.” Luke insisted, pushing himself to the edge of the bunk.
Ezra cast him a skeptical look but ultimately shook his head and stood up, “Well come on,” He said, holding out a hand to help him up, “I think Leia has an intervention planned.”
Letting out a dry chuckle Luke accepted the help.
His friend pulled him smoothly to his feet and together they turned toward the door in amiable silence.
O•O•O•O
Ezra headed up the ramp of the Ghost alone, he had left Luke with the Princess to endure the scolding that was no doubt awaiting him.
A small smile of amusement crossed his lips as he considered it. To him Princess Leia was just that- a Princess, they were friends of course but she was always much closer to Luke and Han.
But that didn’t matter all that much, the four of them and Chewbacca made quite a team, but Ezra still had his own crew and at the end of the day he knew that the Ghost was where he belonged.
The familiar smell of grease and fresh paint sent a rush of warmth through him and he could feel his body visibly relax. Hera had probably gotten some engine work done today, and maybe Sabine had found the time to craft a new painting.
His fingers hit the cool bars of the ladder and he pulled himself up easily. Tension rolled off his shoulders as he made his way up to the rooms that had become his home.
The room he shared with Zeb was empty, and he couldn’t sense the Lasat’s presence anywhere on board. Sabine was also notably gone, though it was harder to get an accurate read on her due to the beskar.
Hera on the other hand…
Ezra leaned against the open door to her room, she was sitting on the floor beside her bunk, legs crossed and green eyes focused on the small boy on the floor in front of her.
The baby was over two years old now, and he reminded Ezra more and more of Kanan everyday, ever since he had first felt that brilliant force presence.
He had promised Hera that he would train little Jacen once he was old enough- not to fight wars like both Kanan and he had been, but to defend himself and others.
After the Inquisitors and… Maul they were wary of leaving Jacen untrained. Ezra knew first hand how insidious the dark side could be.
“Hey Hera.” He spoke up finally.
Hera looked up instantly and her smile widened, “There you are, I was wondering where you went.”
“Just hanging out with Luke.” Ezra shrugged, it was pretty normal for him to be with his best friend. “Where is everyone?”
“Zeb got assigned a mission.” She explained, eyes drifting back to watch Jacen, “And Sabine isn’t back yet.”
Nodding, Ezra stepped further into the room and knelt beside her, Jacen’s wide teal eyes focused on him and the kid’s face lit up in a thrilled grin.
“Hey Jacey.”
“Ezza!” Jacen squealed.
The boy’s excitement was infectious and Ezra found himself grinning right along with him. It had only been a few months since Jacen had learned to (sort of) say his name, and every time he heard it he couldn’t help the sudden surge of happiness that overtook him.
“Are you being good?” He asked, playful skepticism leaking into his tone.
Jacen nodded seriously, but the teasing clearly went over his head a bit. Ezra could hardly wait until the kid was old enough to train with him and Luke.
They would teach him how to duel, how to resist the dark side, and how to conceal that brilliant force presence of his. Right now Ezra personally ensured that his baby brother’s mind was shielded.
Much like Kanan would do for him right at the very start, when everything got to be too much and he just couldn’t maintain his own clumsily constructed shields.
The memory dimmed his mood a little, Kanan’s death hit them all hard, but he still didn’t feel like he had gotten over it.
Some days he wondered if he ever would.
Reaching out a hand to ruffle Jacen’s dark green hair, he pulled himself back to his feet. Hera looked up at him, concern etched into her brow, but he just gave her a tired smile.
“I’m going to get some sleep.”
The excuse was valid since he hadn’t been sleeping well lately and Hera had obviously noticed. She kept urging him to get some rest, most of the time he was resistant but today he felt bone tired.
“That’s a good idea.” Hera smiled, “Sleep well.”
He nodded in acknowledgment and turned to the door, Jacen burbled an unintelligible string of words as he left but he didn’t turn back.
Most days he would laugh and sweep the boy up into his arms, probably spin him around or levitate things with the force for him to try to grab.
But today he left the room behind and headed to his own. The smell of their room was so familiar that he barely noticed it, but the few times Luke had come to visit him here he had remarked that it smelled like Lasat, which… he couldn’t argue with.
A quiet sound of frustration escaped him and he rolled his eyes up toward the ceiling. His life had changed so much since they joined the rebellion, both in good ways and bad ways.
He didn’t regret it, but that didn’t mean it was easy.
For the millionth time he wished Kanan was still with them. To see baby Jacen, to hold Hera when she got overwhelmed, to meet Luke, and… to be proud of the person Ezra had becomee.
Over the past three years that he had known Luke he had done his best to teach the other boy all the lessons Kanan had taught him. Not like a master and padawan, but more like friends learning together.
When they first met he remembered being stunned by how completely untrained his new friend was. They had spent long hours going over how to shield his mind and practicing their lightsaber combat.
Luke’s story was very interesting, the blue blade in his possession was apparently from his father who just so happened to be Anakin Skywalker.
There were a lot of things that Ezra didn’t understand about the past, but he knew that Anakin Skywalker had been a great Jedi, and that he was once Ahsoka’s master. And he knew that Darth Vader had killed him.
Guilt still drowned him whenever he thought of Luke facing down Vader all alone on Bespin. If he hadn’t been stuck on a mission then he would’ve gone with… but he only learned about it all afterwards when Luke returned to the rebellion missing a hand and with a dark shadow hanging over him.
Now Luke still refused to talk to him about what had happened.
Shaking his head, he crossed the room and climbed up into his bunk. He didn’t lay down or pull the blanket over himself, he had no real intentions of going to sleep. He just wanted to meditate for a little while.
But if he told Hera that she would’ve started lecturing him about how he needed to rest and all that.
Involuntarily rolling his eyes, he crossed his legs and let his body relax. There was a lot to think about, a lot of things he couldn’t help but worry over, but he forced it all out of his mind.
The force swelled around him, like the gentle rippling of water. All the remaining tension eased from his body as he took in a deep breath and his eyes fell closed.