Chapter Text
I wonder what Mom would think of this. Coco looked up from her notes. Her heartbeat picked up faster and she scanned her surroundings. She suddenly felt so much more aware of everything, like she’d been startled awake from a nap, even though it was evening and she was awake all day.
Heavy rain pattered the windows. Early winter still cast a chill, but not enough for snow. The floatglow lamps on the ground and the fire from the hearth cast triple shadows around the atelier’s living room, reaching out from their sources like ink trailed behind pens. A dozen or so silhouettes across the walls made the space feel more crowded than it was. They, plus those they came from, outnumbered all the people Coco knew by name before coming here.
How many people did Mom know? How many people would she have met? Would she approve of the people I met here? She bit her lip and tried to will herself back into unthinking. The shadow of Coco’s pen, one with regular ink for note taking, stretched down the paper and crawled up her dress. She could almost feel it touching her. Poking her like an accusing finger. How dare she be warm and comfortable, full after a good meal, and surrounded by laughing friends, meanwhile Mom was-
“Mind if I sit with you?” Master Qifrey looked down at her with a soft smile, book and blanket in hand. There was plenty of room on the couch, he really didn’t need to ask.
“That’s fine.”
With a nod, he took the spot to her right, spreading the blanket over his legs and grabbing a pillow for his lap to balance his book on. It looked heavy, like a textbook, but Coco spotted quote marks out of the corner of her eye when he opened it.
“Not going to join them?” His chin pointed towards the others.
Agott, Tetia, Richeh, and Master Olly all sat on the floor around the lamps. Actually, it was just Agott and Tetia sitting. Master Olly lay on his stomach, taking up most of the space in between the two couches, while Richeh used his back as a desk. They were trying to design a magic card game. The idea was to have lots of cards with different animal sigils, and you placed them on a board to complete a light sculpture seal that would project the animals. At the moment, figuring out how to get the spell working mattered more than coming up with game rules. The current design meant they needed to carefully place the card in the exact right spot to get the seal to work, but they wanted the quick and satisfying play of slamming down cards like in non-magic games. Despite the setback, everyone wore easy smiles.
“… Not yet. I want to finish this first,” Coco said, holding up her notebook slightly for him to see.
He nodded. “Need any help?”
“I’m fine, thank you.” But her pen didn’t move.
Agott smacked a piece of paper down onto another. Nothing happened, so she scooted it around until the seal connected enough to display a twig lizard in light. She scowled.
“Do you think making the cards bigger would help?” Tetia suggested. “Maybe more space and thicker lines would make them easier to connect."
“Then it would be harder to hold a full hand,” Richeh pointed out. Brushbuddy was already sleeping around her neck.
“Or maybe Agott just needs better aim!”
She glared at her. “What kind of card game needs technique?”
“Card tricks need technique, and that’s all this is until ya girls figure out how to actually play this.” Master Olly wiggled his pen in his hand above a blank sheet of paper. Whatever idea he clearly had, he wanted the others to figure out for themselves.
“You can go to your room if it’s too noisy. I promise no one will be offended,” Master Qifrey whispered.
“I like the noise, actually.” And that was the truth, despite how wrong it felt.
Back home, things never got very loud, but after sundown they got even quieter. Mom did the shop’s bookkeeping after they finished cleaning dinner. Coco went up to her room to read or play with her toys quietly, then Mom would come check on her and wish her goodnight before she went to bed.
Nights at the atelier were typically independent study time, so not that different. But the last few days, everyone started spending more and more of that independent time in the same room, working on their own projects yes, but asking for opinions and feedback. Even Master Olly made an effort to spend more time outside his workshop with them.
Ever since Silver Eve… Coco shook her head and glared back at her textbook. Notes aren’t hard, you just have to write down the important names and dates.
In addition to magic, they also needed to keep up with general studies. Math, history, geography, social studies. Coco was lucky. Back in her village, the mayor’s wife was a noble with an education and a willingness to teach the village children. Coco had a head start on things compared to what other outsiders -non-witches, Master Qifrey said to not call myself or anyone an outsider- would have to start with, thus she was grateful. Most kids from her background never learned to read beyond the basics, if at all.
Like Custas… Focus.
But compared to the average witch’s education, she was still way behind. Double so considering there was a whole other half of history she had no idea about before. Master Qifrey started her on the textbook for students a few years younger, while her friends were on the book a year ahead of their ages. He said it would do her more harm than good to throw her in without a solid foundation. Same with magic. And just as with magic, witches loved to write down a lot of details. Her notes were almost as long as the chapter they were about.
Everyone got one-on-one lessons with Master Qifrey, and Coco’s were mostly spent working to catch her up with the others. But it was usually about magic. That day’s was history. Which was weird because Coco thought that was the easiest subject to do on her own. Again, just names and dates.
“Even so, I’d like to check in on your progress,” he’d said.
Meaning a pop quiz. Which she did really well on. Eight out of ten right, and one was only wrong because she misremembered a date. But the other confused her.
"What kinds of spells were prohibited by the Day of the Pact?"
The answer was easy: anything drawn directly on the human body, physically altering the body, things that control or change emotions or the mind (apart from memory wiping), and spells that only exist for harm. Then Coco listed examples right from her textbook: love spells, age manipulation, magic diseases, contraptions made out of body parts, merging living things into one another, transformation, blasts of power that could kill instantly. She held the page up to Master Qifrey when he still insisted she got it wrong.
“So you’ve memorized the list given to you on this page, but what if the list itself is missing something?” he suggested.
“… You said when I came here that there were too many forbidden spells to list them all.”
“That’s true. But there is a specific type of spell that’s very important, but not here.”
Coco tilted her head, even as she remembered. “How could a textbook leave something out?”
“How indeed.” He smiled at her then the same way Master Olly smiled at the others now. A clear answer existed, you just needed to figure it out for yourself.
It didn’t make sense at first, and it frustrated her. Quizzing her on something not in the book wasn’t fair.
She thought harder. On the same page as the examples of forbidden spells, there was a picture. An illustration from a time before the pact: a monster. A giant nearly as big as the castle it crashed into, with a horse’s head, crocodile teeth, and a long goopy neck hung limp off the ramparts, back folded over the walls, rib bones broken and exposed on the top. A huge, feathered wing poked through the roof of a house in the background. The beast fell apart midair. She wondered if the healing magic they used back then would have been able to fix something like that.
“… Healing magic was banned too,” she spoke finally.
“Yes, very good, Coco.”
“So… Why wasn’t it listed with the other examples?”
“Great question.” He patted her head. “And it’s the question I’m going to leave you with for the day,” before he left for Agott’s one-on-one lesson.
Why doesn’t the textbook mention healing spells?
The question at the top of her notes stared back at her hours later. She wanted to help the others with the game, but it kept distracting her. It was what picked her brain all day before she thought about Mom again. Coco swallowed a yawn. And her heavy body from a big dinner of cauldron pumpkin soup and turphon croquettes distracted her from that. But she was determined to figure this out, otherwise she’d spend another sleepless night staring at the ceiling, wondering.
But it wasn’t the right question, because it wasn’t true. The textbook did mention healing spells, just not on that page. The earlier chapters were full of it. Healingcraft witches made up a lot of historic figures. Everything from the doctors that discovered how different parts of the body worked, to villains who used magic to invent new methods of destroying the body; once humble nurses who elevated themselves into royal courts with their skills, and schemers who used their poisoning skills for bribes and assassinations; kind healer kings who built their nation’s prosperity on the health of their people, to something called an ‘arms race’ to invent ever stronger magic diseases. She remembered a bunch of them from studying for a different quiz. It wasn’t like the concept of healing spells were a secret. From Coco’s own limited perspective, the fact that healing spells were possible, just not known or allowed, seemed to be common knowledge among witches. Tartah never gave the impression he thought there was no such thing as healing magic. And some of the fairytale books Tetia let her borrow still told romantic stories about healing witches going on quests for just the right spell to heal their lovers. But that made it all the stranger that healing magic wasn’t listed with other forbidden magic banned by the Pact in the chapter specifically about it.
Coco added to the question.
Why doesn’t the textbook mention healing spells in the chapter about the Pact when the rest of the book does?
Her spine chilled, such was the reflex she developed whenever the subject of forbidden magic was broached. Because it wasn’t broached. It was something that came up during active danger. This was a history lesson. Yes, about the time period immediately leading up to the Day of the Pact, but it still threw her off.
Then she remembered a different lesson: literature. Another new subject for her. They read books and poems that Master explained were important, but instead of just enjoying a good story, though she did enjoy most of them, especially when Master Qifrey read to them out loud, they talked about them. What do they mean? What was the writer trying to tell the reader? Why did they choose to tell them in this way instead of doing something else? Sometimes, stories can say things without actually saying them. In others, meaning comes directly from leaving something out.
“It’s called critical thinking. These sorts of mental exercises will help you to become better problem solvers,” Master Qifrey said to their bored stares. “Both as spell crafters and in general as well.”
“How does thinking about why someone’s dress is the same color as a mountain apple help us get better at magic?” asked Agott. As much as Coco liked what was essentially story time, she couldn’t help but agree with her confusion.
“It’s not so different from studying the spells of others,” he began, eye momentarily flicking to Richeh, who huffed. “Coming up with a good spell requires both intention and understanding of the signs and sigils you need to make it work. Writing is very similar. Authors write with a goal in mind, be it mere entertainment or strong political statement, and they have a number of different techniques at their disposal to achieve that goal.” Nobody said anything, so he kept going. “When we look at this next chapter, I want you girls to keep something in mind: how do you feel when you read it? Do you think that’s the emotion the author wanted you to feel? What techniques did they use to inspire those feelings?”
“I feel like this author really likes mountain apples, he brings them up so often,” Richeh grumbled.
“I feel hungry.” Tetia fell back on the floor and kicked her feet.
“Oh dear. It appears I’ve lost my audience,” he said. The mayor’s wife would get annoyed when Coco and the village kids weren’t paying attention, but Master Qifrey never did. Or he was better at hiding it. “I suppose it is about time I started lunch.” He shook his head before standing up. “After we eat, we can go outside and work on some wind magic!”
“Yes!” all four girls cheered.
“But.” They all stopped to look at him. “I want you to remember one thing from this lesson…”
Just like witches and spells, every writer makes choices when they write, especially those who claim they don’t.
Coco, back on that rainy night surrounded by her housemates and their shadows, looked down at her textbook, and suddenly realized that it was, in fact, a book. More than pages between a cover, words. Ideas. Choices. A textbook felt like a different species to a fictional novel, but was it? It didn’t grow on a tree as is, it wasn’t dug out of the ground, someone needed to write it. The names of the authors and editor were listed, though they meant nothing to her, but the printer information at the front of the book listed its place of origin as the Great Hall. Master Qifrey said this was the same textbook all young witches in Zozah learn from.
She turned back to the picture again. A giant flying monster as big as a castle, dead and rotting after melting mid-flight. Body like a glob of cake batter dripping out the side of a bowl. Big enough to swallow someone whole without touching the sides of its throat. The artist included birds circling overhead. It must have smelled bad. And the caption didn’t say if the place the monster crashed into was even involved in the war it was built for. Just that it was a “warbeast, a common horror of the pre-Pact world.” Coco shuddered again. It would be scary to live during the times before the pact, never knowing what monsters were going to fall out of the sky.
She blinked.
Why doesn’t the textbook mention healing spells in the chapter about the Pact when the rest of the book does?
Answer: the authors of the book want us to focus on the good parts of the Pact, not what might have been lost.
Coco didn’t feel the satisfaction she normally did from finishing her homework.
The others still looked like they were working on the card game, but quietly to themselves instead of discussing ideas. Master Olly was finally drawing something. Rectangles and cubes were all Coco could see though. She wondered if one of her friends finally figured out the solution he thought of, or if he caved.
Then she wondered if they got the same lesson on missing healing spells back when they went through this textbook.
Out of the corner of her eye, she snuck a glance at Master Qifrey. Nothing unusual, though she wasn’t sure what she expected to see. Maybe some sign he watched her answer the question. But he looked lost in his own book. One hand held it open on the pillow in his lap, the other pressed his thumb and pointer finger to his lip. He turned the page, and Coco caught his eye widen slightly, then dart back and forth as the crease in his brow deepened.
She leaned over to peek at the page. Then her own brow creased. What were these words? Were they words? It looked like it could be another language at first, before she scanned down the page, common things like ‘the,’ ‘this,’ ‘that,’ and ‘and’ floating like driftwood in a pool of cloudy muck. And you could fit a few of those words she recognized into the big ones they were so long. ‘Prodigious.’ ‘Juxtapose.’ ‘Verisimilitude.’ The page had quote marks and paragraphs breaks of dialogue, so it was a novel, but the characters might as well have been speaking in code for all Coco could understand. The one log of a sentence big and clear enough to support weight stated:
“The ocean could remember, if it wanted to.”
“How could the ocean remember anything?” she asked without thinking.
“Hm?” Qifrey turned to her suddenly, blinking fast, almost like he was startled. “Oh, Coco," he recovered quickly. "It’s symbolic, not literal. Don’t you worry.” He swapped which hand held the book so the other could rest on her shoulder. The touch was light, yet it tipped the scale of her already heavy body, until she fell against his side. He wore his shepherd tunic instead of his robes that day, and the soft wool smelled like a warm breeze. Like summer. Like the winter chill outside was as silly a concept as a body of water that could remember stuff.
Why would I worry?
Symbolism was kind of fun though. Especially if you thought of it as a scavenger hunt for secret messages left by the author, an interpretation of Coco’s that Master Qifrey encouraged. The blushing bride moth represented love, liongoats represented strength and heroism, and a king failing to catch a fish represented how he would later fail to keep the princess from running away to become a knight.
In the last book they read, a boy and his father liked to go mountain apple picking and sleep under the trees, but then when the boy got older, he suddenly hated mountain apples. He would avoid them at feasts, refuse them when offered, and he even decided to hate another character in part because she was wearing a mountain apple-colored dress when they first met. It wasn’t until later in the book that the boy tells the story of how one day, while they were under a tree, his father passed away in his sleep. The apples were a reminder of what he lost, and they hurt him. But then, at the very end, the boy married the girl with the mountain apple dress, and was happy again.
“What does a memory ocean symbolize?” She pictured a witch casting water sculpture spells to tell an old story, the way Master Qifrey did for some of their more fun books.
“Apathy.”
Coco didn’t know that word, but she knew she heard Agott use it before. She pressed her lips tight together.
“The characters are sailors experiencing misfortune at sea, and they are debating if it was mere back luck that landed them in this predicament, or choices someone made, and which is worse,” Master Qifrey, who always seemed to know what she was thinking, explained. Though she wasn’t sure what ‘predicament’ meant either. “One person claims the ocean has a living spirit, and it is punishing them for some past transgression. But someone else argues that even if the ocean was alive, they aren’t important enough to care about. Then they debate if it's worse to be acknowledged and hated or ignored entirely." He rubbed the corner of a page between his fingers, and rambled on the same way he did when teaching something he personally enjoyed. "Either way, the members of the crew are capable of caring about one another, but many are choosing not to, and that is the true cause of their troubles. That’s what it symbolizes. At least, I believe so. I'm not very far in yet so I could be wrong.”
“… Huh?”
Master Qifrey folded forward until his forehead hit the book, laughing through his teeth. “This one might be a bit beyond our lessons.”
“What’s got ya laughin' back there?” Master Olly asked, but didn’t look back.
“Nothing, nothing.”
Curiosity overrode embarrassment. Master Qifrey didn’t laugh that often. He chuckled here and there, but never so much as to hold himself back from making noise like he just did. Coco wondered what it would sound like. She also sort of liked how it felt to lean against him when he did.
“Don’t worry,” he whispered as he sat back up. “I won’t subject you girls to anything that complicated for a while.”
“But we are going to learn more symbolism?”
“Yes. There will be much more of it as you get older.”
“More big words too.”
Master Qifrey chuckled, but it was more like the quiet style she was used to. His ribs still bounced against her head.
“Do they really need all of those?”
“Sometimes, it’s necessary, yes. Books for adults tend to feature much bigger, more complicated ideas, and it’s actually easier to use a few specific words to explain than lots of simpler words,” he said.
Coco remembered some homework the mayor’s wife gave her once, where she had to read something, write down every word she didn’t recognize, then look up the definition in a dictionary and write that down.
“That doesn’t sound easier at all.” She dropped forward onto the pillow in Master Qifrey’s lap.
With another quiet chuckle, he gently combed her hair out of her face. His fingertips brushed her nose. They still smelled like pumpkin from dinner.
“Don’t worry. You’ll get there before you know it.”
Not a clockmark later, a pen clattered to the floor.
Coco and Master Qifrey both flinched.
But it was just Richeh, sprawled over Master Olly’s back, faceplanted into whatever she was drawing, asleep.
“Girl down,” Master Olly joked. Carefully, he rolled over in such a way that the motion pulled Richeh up onto his stomach. He snaked his arms under her back and legs, clasping together on the other side, to pull her to his chest. Brushbuddy crawled up his shoulder. Master Olly wasn’t a very big man as far as adults went, but he still made Richeh look small. He pulled her closer as he stood up. So close his beard brushed her forehead. Coco could see the way his breathing blew her bangs. With a quiet groan, he stood to his full height, stretched a little further until his back cracked, and collapsed onto the other couch, where he let Richeh slide off him halfway into the crack of space between him and the back. Her legs came to rest over his stomach, and her hands stayed on his chest, where one gripped his shirt. Brushbuddy tucked itself between them. Master Olly's hand was big enough to cover both after his arm looped around her shoulders. Finally, he took one more deep breath, and the exhale deflated his body into the couch in a way that reminded Coco of the melting monster from the textbook.
She didn’t know what to call the feeling. Maybe she needed one of those big, specific words Master Qifrey mentioned.
“You’re not going to take her up to her room?” he asked.
Master Olly turned his head slowly, and Coco remembered a good word from her old vocab lessons for what his face looked like: indignant.
“Ya couldn’t have said that before I got comfortable?”
Coco, Tetia, and Master Qifrey all giggled at that. And it was a giggle from her master. Not a chuckle like before. It’s different. That’s why there were different words.
“Slumber party!” Tetia cheered through a yawn. She wasted no time closing her lantern and climbing over Master Olly’s legs to join Richeh behind him. Coco could only see a puff of pink hair.
“Isn’t that going to squish Richeh?” she asked.
“They like bein' squished,” he mumbled, but shuffled a little to make more room. His hand left Richeh’s and disappeared behind him to where Tetia’s back must have been. Not long after, “Think that’s two.”
Master Qifrey hummed, his own hand mirroring him on Coco’s back. His fingers traced light circles.
Tetia’s so lucky she can fall asleep so quick. While her body was heavy, Coco’s eyes didn’t want to close. So she watched Agott as she scribbled away on the floor. The angle wasn’t good enough to see much of what she was drawing, but Coco would recognize the long levitation signs anywhere. Probably still for the card game. Making a card game was Richeh’s idea, but Agott’s suggestion of animal sculptures is what really got them going on it. Hopefully, they’ll still want to work on it tomorrow.
A quick snore cut through the quiet. Thankfully, Master Olly wasn’t very loud. But his free arm, the one not wrapped around Richeh and Tetia, made a thud as it fell to the floor. Master Qifrey exhaled through his nose.
Agott looked up at the adults a moment, then at Coco. The eye contact was so brief, she could have been convinced she imagined it. Because faster than a blink, Agott was back to drawing.
Did they figure out the board while I finished my notes? Coco squinted at the scattered papers on the floor. Master Qifrey sometimes made dancing sculptures when he told them stories. It would be way more complicated, but maybe they could incorporate some of those signs into the display board so the animals danced or even fought each other when they appeared, instead of just standing still in the air. But how could that work with the display board and two different players’ cards? It's a lot easier to draw one seal with multiple sequences than make two separate seals play nice with each other. And that’s before you think about how this is supposed to be a game with a bunch of different cards. It might be confusing if the sculptures moved in the same way no matter who won or lost. We don’t even know which animals beat what yet! Maybe if the board had multiple nested seals with different activator conditions, but there would also need to be exceptions built in for different win-
Master Qifrey put his hand over hers. Coco opened her eyes. She must have been drawing spells in the air without realizing. He pulled both their hands back, then ran his thumb over her eyes, lingering a moment on her scar. It felt… Weird. Not bad weird, but still weird. She was going to need to ask if they had a dictionary around because she really needed to find more words to describe things. When her eyes fluttered back open, on their own she swore, he simply did it again.
“And that’s three,” her master whispered, even though she was still awake and was sure he knew that.
I don’t think you can force me to fall asleep, she wanted to say. Not to argue, just that it’s not how it worked.
But it worked for something else.
Agott’s pen stopped. Then, the clink of a glass bottle closing, the rustling of paper, and short, quick footsteps coming closer. Master Qifrey’s hand left Coco for the first time since she laid down.
“Goodnight, Master,” Agott whispered, quieter than ever, above her.
“Sleep well, dearest.”
… ‘Dearest?’
The footsteps retreated, and Coco squinted after them. She had to hold her breath to keep from gasping at what she saw.
Agott tucked herself at Master Olly’s other side where there was only just enough room to lay down without falling off the edge of the couch. His once dangling arm wrapped around her torso so she wouldn’t fall off, and she used it as a pillow. Yet there was no sign he’d woken back up at all. It was pure reflex. Like he’d done it before. Like they all had.
Coco’s chest felt funny.
She didn’t notice Master Qifrey reaching around her at first. He crumpled up the nearest crossed out spell paper and tossed it towards the other couch, where it bounced under. This confused Coco, until he threw two more a bit to the left towards the other lamp that was still open on the ground.
“You have really bad aim,” she teased.
“Oh, hush you.” He harmlessly bopped her head with another piece of paper before he threw it. And missed. Master Qifrey sighed, and carefully eased his legs out from under Coco’s pillow. But before he could walk over to the lamp, she grabbed a paper of her own and tossed it ahead of him. It hit the top of the cone dead center, shutting it.
“Yes!” she whisper-yelled, unable to resist pumping her fists in the air.
Master Qifrey paused, then looked back at her, expression annoyed, or indignant, but not that much.
He clicked his tongue. “That’s not fair. You have two eyes that both work.”
It was meant to sound playful, Coco assumed, but that weird feeling in her chest came back. It’s not a good one. Like wearing a shirt that’s too tight, but on the inside.
I really don't know enough words, huh?
Her master cast the only shadow left. So large the slightest head movement dipped it back and forth between the wall and ceiling. When Coco played shadow puppets when she was little, jumping from surface to surface was a great challenge her characters needed a running start and a speech about bravery from their friends to reach.
What was the author trying to say with that choice? What was I saying?
Master didn’t actually have the only shadow, just the one that moved. The other couch shaded the whole kitchen wall, which made his hair, white illuminated orange by the hearth, seem to glow in contrast. He pulled a blanket over Master Olly and the others, sculpting the folds so everyone’s shoulders were covered despite heads not lining up with one another. He stroked each girl’s hair in turn as he went. Then, he stepped back and stared down at them a few moments, hands behind his back.
Coco hugged the pillow under her.
He looked odd all of the sudden. Nothing about him actually changed as he moved to the hearth. How could he change in four steps? Master Qifrey was an unusual-looking man, at least other people said so, so maybe Coco just now realized it. Or maybe her sense of familiarity faltered. She thought of Kalhn, after the dragon’s maze, before they went home, how different the streets looked at night. But she’d seen her master at night before. And yet, in that moment, he felt like a stranger. A stranger casting a long shadow over the room as he stoked the fire in front of him.
Coco took a deep breath. Thankfully, the imaginary tight shirt inside her chest didn’t make it too hard.
He added two logs to the pile. A beat. Then a third.
The fresh logs crackled pleasantly. That, plus the rain outside, made for the perfect background noise to fall asleep to. Her next breath turned into a yawn, and when she opened her eyes again, Master Qifrey looked at her with a smile as warm as the fire. That’s why he looked weird before. He wasn’t smiling.
But he was now, as he approached and crouched in front of her. She smiled back instinctively.
“Warm enough?”
“Mhmm.”
“You know, since you’re awake, I should make you go change and brush your teeth.”
Coco closed her eyes and grumbled dramatically.
He chuckled through his nose. “Do you want to stay there or are you going to find a comfier spot?”
“… Oh.” She remembered she was half-sitting in the very middle of the couch. “Where are you gonna sleep?”
“Wherever there’s room.”
She sat up. “You pick a spot first.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” She yawned again. “You’re bigger than me, you need more space. It’ll be easier if I go after.”
“Well that’s very kind of you.” He sat back down a little further away than he was before. After wrapping the blanket around his legs, he turned and stretched them down the couch behind Coco’s back, head on the pillow on the side closest to the hearth. Then he retrieved his book into the light.
“You aren’t going to sleep?”
“After I finish this chapter.”
“You sound like Agott.” He lightly bumped her back with his leg, and she giggled. “Is it good?”
“Quite good, so far.”
“… Could I please read it after you?” I need to learn more specific words. And symbolism.
“Maybe when you’re older.”
Coco half-hummed, half-grumbled. She already had her own blanket and pillow, and he left plenty of space for her to fully stretch out on the opposite end of the couch. So she did. But she still couldn’t close her eyes. Not when she could study the others.
Firelight made their colors flicker. Everyone on the other couch looked the same. Peaceful. Comfortable. Coco wished she knew better words because those didn’t feel like enough. It’s not like she’d never seen them like this. She and the other girls fell asleep in a pile all the time. They fell asleep next to Masters Qifrey or Olly all the time when they studied up late. She’d done it herself a few times. But she only remembered up to the stage she was at before, with her head resting against their shoulders or in one of their laps. The next day, she would wake up in her own bed, tucked in but alone. Probably the same case for the other three after she watched one of her masters carry them away.
But the big pile with one of their masters was new. To her. There was no prompting or hesitation for everyone to climb on top of him, meaning they’d done it before. In fact, he was the one who first picked Richeh up and laid her beside him. Was it a secret thing? Like how Agott waited until she thought Coco was asleep to join them?
Like ‘Dearest?’
Mom used to carry Coco to her bed when she fell asleep outside her room too. There were a couple of times where she woke up, still in their living room and still in Mom’s lap, but it was still nighttime. She always woke up in her own bed the next morning. Mom never turned her away, but the only time she woke up in Mom’s bed was when she went there herself. Because she had a nightmare, or it was too cold in winter, or she was lonely.
That’s the word…
Coco scooted back until she felt Master Qifrey’s leg against her spine. She wasn’t that cold. She didn’t need the warmth.
The rain outside grew heavier. Mom hated rain. Fewer customers came on rainy days and she couldn’t get the outdoor chores done.
Earlier that day, Coco, Richeh, and Tetia looked for worms and snails in the garden, while Agott tested her new rainblocker spell that made the water fall around them in swirly patterns. All four of them ate lunch at the garden table under it, but it wore off halfway through and they all got soaked. Everyone laughed after they rushed inside, then took an early bath while their masters threw their clothes in the wash barrels. When they came back out, Master Qifrey made them new snacks to make up for their lost lunch. No big deal. Coco ate at her work desk, and the gentle tap of the rain against the window helped her focus on her studies. Like always.
Always… She bit her lip. All she could see were her friends and Master Olly, and how comfy they all looked. Was it raining back home too? Her eyes closed against the sting.
Without thinking, Coco rolled over away from them. It wasn’t as comfy in that spot, but she couldn’t look anymore. The heavy blanket was too puffy to fold between her fingers while she gripped it, but she gripped it all the same, as if she could squeeze the comfort out of it. But how dare she be comfy?
At that moment, she realized she was so uncomfortable because she rolled herself over top of Master Qifrey’s shins. Her eyes cracked open. His book blocked his face.
She recalled how gently he touched everyone’s head when he tucked them in, and how he didn’t do that to her. Her fingers squeezed some more.
This can’t be comfortable for him. I should move… She didn’t. … Why didn’t he just pick me up like the others? Like before? He’d carried her to bed before. He picked her up and carried her all the time, even when they were just running errands in Kalhn and she wasn’t even tired. Why not now? Coco gritted her teeth behind her lips. Why do I doubt now? Of course Master Qifrey cares about me! After everything he’s done to teach and protect me? That doesn’t suddenly not count because everyone else got a tap on the head… Like how Mom used to do when she wished me goodnight…
A shudder rattled her body like the rain rattled the windows.
“Trouble?” that gentle voice reached out quietly. He looked at her from around the corner of his book, and as soon as she looked back, he smiled like it was nothing.
Coco swallowed what she could, then buried her face out of sight in the pillow.
I’m an apprentice witch, not a baby. I need to quit embarrassing myself…
The couch cushion shifted. Master’s legs didn’t move much under her, but she could feel the rest of him adjusting on the opposite side. She snuck a glance again. He lounged the same as before, but a few inches of extra space appeared between the back of the couch and his shoulder. Maybe.
He peeked out from behind his book, then hid his face back behind it in an exaggerated way as soon as they made eye contact, which made Coco giggle a little. Followed by another mark of silence. He checked on her again, lingering this time before going back. Under the book, she could see his smile flatten.
Enough silliness, time for bed, she waited for him to say.
Instead, he smiled some more. Odd thing to notice when he smiled so much by default. With a deep breath, his whole body stretched. His chest rose as his back arched, and the legs under Coco shifted, shaking her a little. Arms behind his head, tunic sleeves fell to his shoulders. The arm with the book went back to where it was before, while the other reached for the top of the couch, leaving even more space than before. She stared at it so hard, she almost missed him rolling his eye. Then he pulled his blanket open at that side.
Coco pulled her balled fist closer to her face, covering up her wobbling lip. She blinked at him.
His expression already said ‘yes, really’ when he motioned her over with his chin.
She failed to hold down a sniffle.
Both arms opened to her as she crawled over, hooking under her own to lightly tug her the rest of the way. That tightness, that loneliness, snapped under the hands over her back pressing her closer.
“There you are…” he sighed heavily, like he was the one relieved. Like he was still holding the big breath from before.
He guided her head to his chest, to the side of his chin, where she could feel his heart beneath her cheek. Nice and steady. Not the way hers raced from fighting off tears. Once she finally let out a shaking breath of her own, Master Qifrey pulled the blanket back over both of them. One hand stayed at her back, but not like how he rubbed her back before. Before, it was a light, rhythmic touch. Barely there. Now, he held her like he was afraid to drop her.
Of course he cares…
“Comfy?”
She stretched a little, one arm reaching over his chest, absentmindedly grabbing onto the wide collar of his tunic.
“Mhmm.”
“Good.” And he nuzzled the top of her head in such a way she could feel his grin. Much better than a little hair touch. Then he yawned. She liked the way his chest moved her when he did, as if she was being rocked.
A wave of exhaustion hit. Coco probably couldn’t lift her head anymore if she wanted to.
Master Qifrey must have felt the same, because he finally took off his glasses and set them and his book on the end table behind them.
“Is your book good?” she prompted groggily.
“I already told you it was.”
“What’s it about?”
“It’s about time for you to sleep.”
“Talking helps me sleep.” Mom used to talk to me when I had a hard time sleeping.
He hummed. “It’s about a witch hired on a voyage to hunt a sea monster.”
“That sounds like a fun adventure.”
“That’s what the main character thinks at first too, but it’s actually quite scary.”
She hummed back at him. “And… How did the author inspire those feelings?”
Master Qifrey covered his mouth to stifle his laughter. Coco snickered with him, head bobbing on his chest.
“Well, there’s lots of detail.” He pitched into a quieter version of his storyteller voice. “Life sailing on the ocean is hard, and I’m not just saying that because it’s me.” Coco’s mouth twitched. “The weather is unforgiving. Even a light rain could throw off their navigation. And there’s nowhere to hide when a bad storm sends waves taller than the ship. Or hide from other people if there’s a fight.” The fingers on her back flexed. “A few chapters ago, they prepared some fish they caught wrong and now half the crew is sick. They can only carry so many supplies, so every time something goes wrong, like sickness, they have to chose between using what they have or powering through in case something worse comes down the line. And after this last chapter…” He shook his head, but she could hear the smile in his words. “Things are about to get so much worse.”
“How? What happened?” Just his description sounded way more interesting than a boy who hated mountain apples.
“… I don’t want to give you nightmares, Coco.” He tucked her hair behind her ear. “You should be sleeping anyway.”
“I can handle a scary story. I’m“ -she yawned- “m’tough.”
He exhaled through his nose and his breath ran through her hair. As if to pin it there, his hand moved from her back to the back of her head.
“You’re very tough, Coco,” he agreed. “The boat rammed a wing whale.” Her face dropped with her heart. “The captain is sick with fever from eating the bad fish, and thought it was the monster. Now, the ship’s keel is lodged in the dead whale’s mouth, and they can’t move. None of the witch’s spells were able to free it, so now some of the crew is going to have to get into the water to cut it loose…” He paused for dramatic effect. “The blood has already started attracting sharks and serpents.”
Coco lifted her head enough to look at him. “Is this what adult books are like?”
“No, not all of them.” He bit back more laughter. “Not even most.”
“But you like the ones that are?”
“On occasion. I try to read a little of everything,” he said in his cheerful ‘this is good for you, even if you don’t like it’ voice. So lying. “And, well…” He got quieter. “Anxiety is good for me anyway.”
Coco froze. There was a lump in her throat, as well as under her hand. On his shoulder, near where he got injured in Romonon, and it wasn’t a fold of fabric. She’d forgotten. She was too happy, too safe and comfortable to remember that safety and comfort were deadly to him.
… It’s a root.
She pushed away. Or tried to. The hand at her back stopped her. Not forcefully, she could get away if she shoved, but it told her that she didn’t have to leave if she didn’t want to. She really didn’t want to.
“Coco… I’m alright,” he assured. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.” His face and voice matched the teacher she knew, the one who promised that no harm would come to her as long as she was in his care, but his wide eye betrayed the fear. Maybe it was more obvious without his glasses. He looked a lot younger without them. Then he repeated, firmer this time, “I am alright. Nothing is going to happen to me tonight. I promise.”
There was a part of her, a tiny, pathetic, childish part of her that deserved scolding, that was offended. He was safe to her, why wasn't she safe for him? But why would she be? How would an eleven-year-old girl, years behind other eleven-year-old girls on magic and school, ever make a grown man and master witch feel safe? Without his glasses, she could see the scar. And it made her skin crawl.
What if… What if there's nothing I can do?
The first choked inhale failed to reach the bottom of her lungs before her master sat up and wrapped her tight again. The shepherd tunic couldn’t match up to the safety his robes enveloped her in, but his arms were just as strong and warm. She clung to the buttons at the front instead of hugging him back like she wanted. She didn’t want to feel the root again. His face, deliberately the side with an eye, pressed close to hers. His skin was cold despite the warmth of the room. Yet colder when he pulled away.
“Coco…”
She kept her eyes low. What if there were branches?
He took one of her hands. “Coco,” he whispered gently. “Look at me.”
It was a small miracle she didn’t sob loud enough to wake everyone in the room. The benefits of doing it more often. Would’ve been better back in her own room.
Not here. It’s selfish to be here, comforted when his comfort could kill him. It would probably help him to leave. He’d be upset… Because… Because he wants me here…
“Darling.” She inhaled sharply. “Look here.”
The stranger returned for a moment. A flash of… Something. Inches from her face, the color part of his eye seemed to sink much deeper under his pupil, deeper than even his head. Like looking down a well where you can’t see the bottom. She wondered if the adults had a word for it, or if it was something completely unique to him.
Then, in a literal blink, he became Master Qifrey again. And with an easy smile, thumb in her palm, he used her hand to brush the hair away from his scar. It was smaller than she expected. A star-shaped cluster of rough, discolored skin set underneath his brow. She’d never gotten a good look before. If she saw without knowing the story, she might have thought his eye was just closed. But the more she looked, the more she noticed how much deeper the skin sunk compared to his other side. Like wrinkled cloth draped over a hole in the ground. Cautiously, he moved her hand closer before letting go, still hovering nearby but leaving it up to her. She lightly, carefully, traced the shape with two fingertips. It was softer than she expected. Colder too. Colder than the rest of him. But no branches.
“I am going to be alright,” he promised once more. “If I wasn’t, I would tell you.”
“… How can you be sure?”
Thunder rolled outside, and as if inspired, the rain grew louder.
“I really hate the rain,” he said so quietly, she might have though it to himself had he not still been focused on her. To prove it, he took back her lingering hand, and kissed her knuckles. His mouth leaned into her fist a moment, while his smile nearly scratched the bottom of the scar.
“Is… Is that all it takes?” She couldn't help but smile back, even if it was a nervous smile. The kiss felt nice.
“No…” His focus broke for only a moment, eye flicking towards the other couch. “There are other things.”
“Like what?”
“I have a system, don’t you worry.”
“What is it?” she asked, sleepiness in her voice long gone. “I can help.”
“You shouldn’t have to…” Not ‘can’t,’ ‘shouldn’t.’ Coco glared at him best she could with her eyes threatening to spill. Master Qifrey closed his own and rested his chin against her forehead. “I left some pulp in my soup tonight. And I ate the croquettes that got mushy.”
She frowned. Is that supposed to be a joke?
“I have ear plugs in my room, but I force myself to listen to the rain. I like this shirt but it’s actually not very comfortable to sleep in.” He took a deep breath, and Coco copied him without realizing. “I… I worry about you. All of you…” His voice shook. “If you’re eating well, if I’m accidentally teaching you the wrong things, if you’re really happy, if you’re hiding things from me, if the Brimcaps come for you the second you leave my sight… If you wouldn’t be better off with a different master.”
“No!” Her head hit his shoulder in time with her whisper-yell. His soft cheek met her ear.
“… I read scary books. And close them a chapter too early.” His smile strained enough to hear it in his voice. “And, when I read about the crew that must swim in shark-infested waters around a dead whale, lugging heavy tools that could drag them under, because the witch’s spells weren’t good enough to solve the problem… I imagine it’s my spells that aren’t good enough. And you are the ones forced to swim because of it.”
Roots or not, she threw her arms around his neck, and he folded around her in kind. Coco stopped crying, yet her chest tightened more than ever. But she could feel his heart again.
“Isn’t there anything I can do to help?” Her weak voice made her sound like she was still weeping.
“The guilt I feel burdening you with all this is more than enough, thank you.” He wiped the corner of her eye with his thumb, expecting tears. “All I ask, is that you keep learning, keep growing, keep being the wonderful little witch you are.”
Despite everything, her heart still fluttered whenever someone called her a witch. Especially Master Qifrey. She couldn’t stop the happy whining sound that came up. He answered with a hum as his nuzzled her hair again.
“… Do you want to stay here?”
“Yes.” She squeezed tighter.
“Me too.”
He laid on his side this time, then pulled the blanket back over both of their heads. One arm, the one she rested on, at her back to keep her close, the other cradled her head. Every breath he took sank into the roots of her hair between his fingers. They only let go once. His nails swept over her forehead as if clearing something invisible out of the way. Coco looked up at him one more time, and his eye turned well-deep again. But he was still Master Qifrey. Gently, he kissed her forehead, and his face stayed there after. She almost started crying again.
If I was a host to silverwood…
When she was little, Coco thought spells could be cast with magic words.
Master Qifrey spoke like a spell. “Sleep well, Darling.”
~~~
Clang.
“Get up!”
The arms around her tightened so fast Coco squeaked.
“What in the-?” Master Olly shouted, but cut himself off.
The others grumbled and gasped the same way.
She couldn’t see anything from under the blanket. Her master's chin pushed her head deeper.
“What's all this then?” Master Olly sounded worried.
“You too,” the same voice from before all but sneered. It was familiar, but Coco couldn’t place it.
Master Qifrey’s arms stayed locked in place as he sat up, taking Coco with him. He breathed evenly, controlled, but she could feel his heart racing. Hers wasn’t any better.
“Let go of her.” Different voice, but Coco knew this one.
“Luluci?”
Master squeezed her one more time before he dropped his arms. Her body felt cold without them, and that was before the blanket fell away too.
It was Luluci. In full Knights Moralis uniform, she stood between the living room couches, wide-eyed and gripping her pendant like she would strike at any moment.
Behind her, behind Coco’s terrified friends huddling together around Master Olly, stood the twin knights. She couldn’t remember their names, but they smirked like they knew a lot about them.
Why are the knights here? What’s going on?
A grunt came from behind her. Utowin loomed behind the couch. Coco flinched closer to Master Qifrey. She felt the muscle in his arm flex, but he didn’t move. The knight’s lip curled like he smelled something bad.
She swallowed. “What’s going o-”
“There’s been an update to policy,” the first voice declared. Its owner steped out of the shadows and into the faint glow of the dying hearth. Vinanna, Wise in Principals, captain of the Knights Moralis, smiled like a statue. “Congratulations. You’re our first random inspection.”
