Work Text:
“Underwood! I am getting reports of someone who has exceeded their limit of failed portal attempts!” Allen says, appearing next to Underwood's desk, startling her.
“What!?” she says, slamming her hands on her desk, her pen rolling off the desk onto the floor, “too many failed portal attempts?” She asks, standing up and nearly launching her chair backwards. Underwood and Allen haven’t had a mission in a hot minute, and she was itching to do some action.
“Yes!” Allen says, adjusting his sunglasses. “Let's go! We must apprehend whoever is doing this!”
Underwood grabs her portal access card from the top of her desk, almost scattering the papers on the desk, and bolts into action. The only thing that fell off her desk was the pencil she was using to notate the file she was signing.
It was getting boring doing only paperwork these past few days. However, she loves doing it because it’s her job, but she loves squashing any form of dissent even more! So this will be a refreshing change of pace, if not temporarily.
“Where is this person located?” She asks, almost running ahead of her partner before turning around.
“Ninjago, Monastery of Spinjitzu.”
A ninja, huh? Hopefully, this goes well.
Upon swiping the portal access card, the portal opened to a dingy-looking basement containing at least one dragon, which paid them no mind as it was sleeping.
However, a metal man with an odd-looking device steps back in shock as the two of them appear from within the portal.
“You are under arrest for too many failed portal attempts in this location, in violation of code 69/17,” she says, almost snarling, “you will come with us!”
Allen brandishes a pair of handcuffs and handcuffs the metal man, who does not protest, but she can tell he totally wants to, only nodding as the duo takes him into custody.
Underwood and Allen take the nindroid by the arms and lead him back through the portal, which immediately closes behind them. They have to use barely any force, as he is currently complying with them.
This surprises Underwood, to say the least.
This nindroid has to be the most compliant person they’ve ever arrested! No excessive force paperwork, nor any resistance to arrest fees or anything like that! It was so easy!
A stark contrast to the latest person who had been arrested by the administration, that guy put up a lot of fight! He punched Allen in the stomach!
She and Allen take him directly to their manager, who assigns him a mailroom cubicle and an administration serial number.
Zane Julien, master of ice, nindroid, now belongs to the administration as a piece of equipment.
There're distinctions to pieces of equipment, but Underwood does not care to know about them because she isn’t HR.
But Zane's new job will require him to follow orders and do tasks that nobody really wants to do. The mailroom coincidentally had an open position.
How the mailroom got an open position is not important, nor is it Underwood's business, but she heard that one of the mailroom people died!
But she doesn’t know, because again, she isn’t HR.
People other than nindroids and other robotic-like people hold positions in the mailroom too, just like how nindroids have regular positions like field agents.
Underwood just does not care for distinctions. All she cares about is squashing dissent and burying her coworkers in paperwork, and she loves every moment.
As soon as Underwood and Allen get back to their desks, there’s a pile of paperwork fresh from the printer sitting on their desks, paperwork that includes registering the new piece of equipment, how successful they were at their job, and stuff like that. Super important stuff.
Nearly everything has to be filed in triplicate, so forms have to be filled out in triplicate.
Of course, Underwood can use the copying machine to make her work easier, but why would she do that!? The forms are the second-best part of the job!
The best part of her job? Squashing dissent within and outside of the administration, of course! Whenever someone is being suspicious in a line or other matter, it’s her job to make sure it stops!
Just as she’s about to fill out the successful mission form, Allen’s watch beeps, followed immediately by hers.
Which means that there’s something occurring within the administration that the two of them need to take care of!
When she and Allen investigate, it turns out it’s the new piece of equipment, Zane wandering around the office like he belongs there or… even worse! He’s trying to escape!
He can not do that! He’s not allowed to do that!
Luckily, he does not get far as she and her partner apprehend him.
“Halt! You are not permitted to leave your cubicle,” Allen says plainly, stepping in front of him.
Zane gives them both a kind smile. “Oh, I am sorry. I was just exploring,” he explains, trying to move past the two of them as if he wasn’t breaking any rules and was just taking an unauthorized walk. “I was wondering where I could find an exit?” he asks calmly.
“You are not permitted to leave,” Underwood says, hissing with a sneer. The audacity! “You are a piece of administration equipment. Technically, you belong to us.”
After a confused blink, a realization seems to strike him as he says, “I do not belong to anybody.” The equipment known as Zane scoffs, offended. “Now, if you'll excuse me, I will be on my way.”
“We will not ask you again. Please refrain from moving any further,” Allen says, giving the Nindroid a pointed look. “Unless you want my partner here to use excessive force, I'm making you stay. Then we will have to fill out paperwork for that.”
The nindroid opens his mouth, as if to protest, attempting to push through the two of them once again, but Underwood pulls out her taser and tases him before he gets any further.
He crumples to the ground unceremoniously with a thud.
Allen sighs, putting his head in his hand, “I had it handled.”
“You were taking too long!” Impatiently, Underwood protests, “He wasn’t going to listen to us anyway!” she says, grabbing one of his legs and dragging him back to his mail cubicle before they draw anymore attention to themselves.
“I was only threatening excessive force; now we actually have to fill those out.” He frowns, looking at Underwood as she tries to pull the nindroid along by herself. “But now, our current problem is getting him back to his mail cubicle. "
Underwood pauses, opens her mouth, closes it, and groans loudly. Curse her own impulsiveness!
The two dragged Zane back to his mail cubicle and sitting up in his chair, trying to make it look as if he hadn’t tried to escape or that the two of them had dragged him back there.
“I’ll call security and have them make sure he doesn’t leave again by securing him to his chair.” Allen says, pulling out his phone and making a phone call.
Underwood does her best to situate him up in his chair, but as soon as Allen is done with his phone call and she steps away from him, he falls back onto the ground with a heavy thunk.
This makes Underwood want to break something.
“Well!” Allen says, pursing his lips as he looks down at the piece of equipment lying face-first on the ground.
“Should… should we just leave him?” She asks, “Or will we need to fill out some sort of form for leaving him on the ground? Like an improper handling of equipment form?”
“I dont know if there’s a form for that, but let’s not find out. Come on, let’s get him back in his chair,” her partner says. “Security should be here soon, anyway.”
Just as the two of them try lifting him back into his chair, Agent Angie Franklin and Agent Oliver Flynn arrive, seemingly much sooner than expected by Allen's reaction.
Agent Flynn takes off his sunglasses and massages the bridge of his nose. “Agent Allen, Agent Underwood, you had said that this piece of equipment had… escaped and you want to secure it to the chair?”
“That iss correct!” Underwood says, knowing that she and Allen are going to get a scolding for mishandling a piece of equipment and letting it stay on the floor after excessive use of force, “we were just returning it to his chair… and then he fell over.”
“We are aware. We saw the video feed of the incident, and we forwarded it to your manager.” Agent Franklin says, “You will have to report to your direct manager afterwards, as it appears this was a situation that did not require excessive force, but we will process your request to secure it to its chair, regardless.” She pulls out her clipboard and writes a few things down on it, which makes her wince.
“Ah- b-but I believe that this piece of equipment is Zane, Master of Ice,” Allen stutters, “so we had a reasonable belief that he would cause issues if he were to roam freely any further.”
“Did you have a reasonable belief that you could use excessive force?”
“Uh, I don't know.” She admits, she just wanted to use her tazer, “I - I mean possibly,” she stutters, “he has powers and could use them on us.”
“It was still a display of excessive force,” Flynn explains, “combined with the equipment still being on the ground, that tells me you severely mishandled this situation. Paperwork is required for that and for neglecting equipment.”
“We were just lifting it back up!” Underwood protests. Allen puts a hand on her shoulder to calm her down.
“We are just reporting what we see; you may dispute it if you wish,” Franklin says, “but we shall secure this piece of equipment for you so it does not escape again and cause both of you anymore trouble and violations.”
They quickly secure Zane to his chair, and the two security agents leave them alone.
“Thank you!” Allen says, then turns back to Underwood. “We have to be more careful.”
“Oh, come on! That was just timing, and you know it!” she says, crossing her arms with a huff.
“I’m not talking about that; we can not just taze people willy-nilly like that.” He sighs, “Regardless, we have to go back to our desks and fill out today’s paperwork.”
“Right.” She sighs; she hates getting scolded! “I do love filling out paperwork,” she says sullenly, following him back to their desks.
They tried scheduling a meeting with their manager, but they were busy at the moment, so that meeting will have to wait another day, if needed
Once again, the paperwork that was needed to fill out, along with the paperwork that they hadn’t finished, was on their desks; the newer pile was slightly higher though.
“Yeesh, what did you guys do that required more paperwork?” their Munce coworker that they share a cubicle with asks, jokingly.
Underwood ignores him and immediately goes to her computer and unlocks it, loading up the administration website to print out a dispute of a possible violation paperwork. Which makes more work for herself, but she believes she shouldn’t get punished for one part of that complete fiasco with Zane.
“Are you filling out the dispute paperwork?” Allen asks, leaning on her chair.
“I’m going to try.”
“Good luck,” the Munce agent says again, stamping a stack of paper that had just been delivered to him. “Carl B tried, and he had no luck, so now he’s stuck with a violation that he didn't even do! He was just there!” he says.
“Have you considered that Carl B might’ve been lying to you?” Allen says, raising an eyebrow.
“He would never!” he says in offense.
Underwood groans internally; sometimes her Munce coworker can be dense, as she has heard that’s quite common with his species. But Carl B is absolutely notorious for lying, and yet somehow the Munce never picked it up at all!
She blocks out the rest of the conversation by putting on her administration regulation headphones that they give out to people who are high enough in rank. She notices she has a couple of messages from coworkers asking about her day and just checking in with her. Messages from the rest of her team and her manager. Emails to answer, stuff like that.
She prints out the dispute paperwork and finds out that the printer was out of paper. Great.
This day could not get more annoying!
So she refills the paper and waits for her stuff to finish printing… only for it to jam. Directly at the end.
Groaning loudly, she follows the instructions on the printer screen, opening the compartments that need to be opened and turning the knobs. Once the paper is free, the printer finishes printing.
Underwood hates the printers sometimes. They almost always jam on her.
“Allen, can you fill out the paperwork required to get the new piece of equipment a proper administration uniform?” She asks as she sits down.
“Sure, I can fill that out once I’m done with these reports.”
As the two of them begin the long process of filling out the new paperwork, making copies, fighting the printer to make said copies, calling over someone who knows how to replace the ink toner when THAT runs out on her in the middle of copying.
Printers have to be her worst enemy in the administration. There is a reason why she hates them.
But soon enough, she returns to her desk to fill out these recent reports. Then, she will move on to the weekly reports for the paperwork completed last week. After finishing those, she will work on the monthly and yearly reports.
What feels like an eternity later, she looks at the clock on the corner of her screen and discovers that she’s only been working for about an hour and a half. Ugh.
“I’m going to get up and walk around. Maybe get some food,” she says to her partner. “Do you want anything?” she offered.
“Maybe a sandwich? Or a granola bar works fine, too.” He says, too focused on his work.
She hums and gets up and stretches. Sometimes she has days where it feels like time is moving too slow, and this is one of those days it seems.
When she arrives at the break room, she spots Agent Walker, looking sullenly and listlessly at a half-empty cup of water, as if he’s unsure what to do with it.
Raising an eyebrow, that is most unusual behavior from her coworker. “Agent Walker, are you alright?” she asks, startling him.
Some of the water spills out of the cup and onto his pristine suit and the floor as he seems to come back to the present.
“I- uh-” he stutters, looking distant again, “I’m okay! I’m fine! I was just, uh, refilling my water! Yeah! That’s what I was doing!”
Agent Walker hastily refills the cup and chugs down the water, throwing the cup in the trash can and swiftly walking away as if she embarrassed him or something.
Out of all the interactions that she has had with him, that was definitely the weirdest. Normally he’s a little spacey, cracking jokes and talkative. Most of the time he’s with Agent Donovan.
Ugh, Agent Donovan. She doesn’t like him; he pulls annoying pranks all the time.
With a shrug, she grabs a sandwich and a granola bar for Allen and some instant noodles for herself, as well as a coffee.
She makes her way back to her desk and hands Allen his food. “Has Agent Walker acted weird around you?”
“Hm? No, I haven’t. Why?” Allen asks her, giving her a confused look.
“He was acting strange at the water cooler, but might’ve just been me,” she hums, sitting down. Agent Walker's antics, she decided, are not her problem, and she shouldn’t worry about a coworker that’s not even in her department.
But as the day winds down and Allen and Underwood finish filling out the weekly, monthly, and yearly forms, the two of them head back to their dorm room to wind down for the day and prepare for tomorrow.
The next day, Underwood and Allen are on security duty. This means that they have to watch over the people in line and make sure they aren’t acting out.
Underwood loves squashing dissent, so she’s okay with this. If she had to choose between paperwork and this, it’d definitely be this.
The day goes on as normal, the only problem being someone briefly stepping out of line and getting into a fight about their space, in which Allen and Underwood have to send that person to the very back of the line. Which is rather unfortunate because that permit line is very long!
What even is that line for? She does not know! The reason for the line's existence was lost generations ago, apparently.
Actually, she does know. It’s for a permit to be able to apply for a specific type of license. A pet license. One that she has no need for. Because she doesn’t want a dog.
If she were to tell herself that would be the most boring part of the day, she would think she had lost her own mind.
Because as she and Allen are making the rounds again when they spot two people who seem entirely out of place, a blonde man and a black-haired boy talking to someone in the permission form for a permit for a license to get a permit for really cool light up shoes, or something. She doesn’t know. That’s the line that’s meaning has been lost to time.
“Never seen you two before. Do you have authorization to be here?” Allen asks.
“Present your permission forms!” she demands.
“Forms? We, uh, might not have them.” The green one says, looking baffled.
Well, that’s just unacceptable! You need to have permission forms in the administration! You need them to do, well, everything! Especially if you are not an agent.
The two strangers look at each other confused, but then a tube comes down and deposits permission forms into their hands, two very legitimate looking permission forms. Had all the details down, so there was nothing to worry about!
Allen and Underwood head back to their desks to fill out what they thought to be fake forms forms, but when looking through the guidebook on permission forms, it turns out that the forms have to have photos and not drawings!
How could they be so stupid!? Underwood let that slip right by her! How could she do that to herself!?
“They gave us fake forms!” she exclaimed, showing Allen the book. “We have to fill out tricked by fake forms forms!”
“We can do that later! Fill out the put-off to a later date form! Theres no time for that!” Allen says, pulling her out of her chair to chase down the culprits.
All other agents in the administration are immediately warned to look out for these unauthorized people, but that turns out to be entirely useless as they free the brand new piece of equipment AND get away with a dangerous class B artifact.
It felt like a wild goose chase, only for the suspects to get away in the end. Leading Allen and Underwood to have to fill out way more paperwork than originally intended.
Curse those ninja!
“I guess we can file a never mind on the dispute form, huh?”
“Oh, shut up!”