Chapter Text
I sigh as Aiura latches onto my arm, dragging me down the street. While I don't appreciate the scene she's making, I can't complain, since she's taking me to go get coffee jelly. "Saiki! I need to tell you about this girl I saw earlier today! She was so hot!" Good fucking grief, I thought. Who does her lesbian ass want to talk about now?
"Keep it down, you're causing a scene." I say. "And stop clinging onto me; people will think we're dating."
"You're no fun." She rolls her eyes, but lets go. We walk to the cafe, Aiura making conversation with occasional input from me. We sit down, and I immediately scan the menu for coffee jelly.
"Hi, what can I get for you guys?" A woman, presumably the waitress, asks. "Aw! They look so cute together! Such a lovely couple"
We're not a couple.
"So adorable"
Good fucking grief.
"I'll have the tiramisu, please." Aiura says, glancing smugly at me right after. She knows I'll want some of hers, but don't want to risk people gossiping about us. I'm not even sure why she enjoys pissing me off like this so much. She's lesbian, and we're platonic soulmates, so why does she enjoy it when people think we're dating? Does she like seeing me suffer? Sadistic bitch.
"And I'll take five of the coffee jelly."
"Fatass" She thinks, struggling to hide her laughter. The waitress comes back soon with our food, and despite my reservations, we end up eating some of each others' food. The tiramisu looked too good to pass up. While we eat, Aiura tells me about the girl she saw; apparently a My Hero Academia cosplayer on TikTok.
"I'll go to the bathroom, here's my portion of the check." I tell her, getting up. She nods at me before calling out waitress over for the check. On my way to the bathroom, someone bumps into me, and when I close the door to the stall, something feels off. Shit. My limiter fell out. I telepathically call out to Aiura, telling her to pick up my limiter from the floor and go into a women's bathroom stall, before teleporting her into my stall.
"Got it!" She thinks, putting the limiter back on for me, since it'd be too dangerous for me to move to do it myself. "Uh… Saiki? What's that?" She asks, pointing at the wall behind me. Ew, please don't tell me someone's cum is on the wall.
I look at the wall, and… there's a portal? At least we're not victims of someone's jerking off. Some weird purple tendrils come out of it and grab us, yanking us in before we watch it close. Aiura groans on top of me; she hit her head on a bar table in the fall. We hear a scream, and turn to look.
"Kurogiri, did you bring them here? Why would you drop them on me!" Huh?
"Kuro- what now?! Toga!?" Aiura scrambles off me, and I stand beside her. We take in our surroundings, and notice the entire fucking League of Villains from My Hero Academia staring at us. What the hell?
"I think I might have accidentally brought us here. Act normal." I project to her mind. She gives me the tiniest nod, barely enough to catch.
"No, I didn't." Kurogiri says. Yeah no shit, dumbass. I did.
"What's your name?" Himiko asks Aiura. "You're so cute!"
"Aw! That's so sweet. I'm Aiura Mikoto. I presume you're Toga Himiko? You're cute too!" Good grief, Aiura's a natural at conversation.
"Yes, I am!"
"How the fuck did you get here, then?" Dabi asks. Oh fuck no, I am not dealing with his gay ass childhood-best-friend-turned-enemy yearning shit today.
"Quirk accident, sorry. We'll be leaving now." I take Aiura's hand walking to what seems to be the front door of this musty ass room.
"No you're not." Dabi steps in front of us. We sidestep him, continuing to walk.
"Yes, I think we are."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes."
"What the hell is going on here?"
Not Shigaraki, too.
"These two nice teens accidentally teleported here because of a quirk accident! I want to kill them." Twice answers.
"Then kill them, the fuck?" Shigaraki says, leaving the room.
"More than happy to oblige." Dabi smiles, blue flames dancing in his palm.
"Oh, would you look at that? It's been three minutes."
I teleport us 250 kilometres away, in… fuck. We're in Musutafu. Specifically, an empty classroom that looks all too familiar, because we just have to be the main characters.
"Where are we?"
"Uh…"
"Saiki, this better not be where I think it is."
"Um…"
"Saiki, did you teleport us to UA?"
"I think so…?"
"After all that talk about wanting nothing more than to be average, too. Anyway, why is the classroom so empty?"
I look up at the clock hoping it'll explain something. "Lunch. We have five minutes before class starts."
"Okay, that's fine… We'll figure out a way to leave, I'm sure."
We don't.
"Are you working with Shigaraki?"
Good grief. He just tried to kill us. Are you sure you're fit to be working as a teacher when you have that poor excuse for a brain?
"No." I say instead.
"It's just a quirk accident; I promise you that my friend and I aren't villains." Aiura explains. She's rather calm considering the situation. I'm impressed; anyone else would be terrified if Aizawa's scarf captured them. Although her thoughts were a different story.
"Midoriya, go find Nezu and tell him to call Tsukauchi, then bring him back here." Aizawa said. Thankfully, the kid was fast, so I didn't have to endure the awkwardness of the silent class staring at us for long. Their thoughts were loud enough to give me a headache, though.
"I've phoned Tsukauchi, he should be here in a minute. Tell me, kids, are you familiar with Detective Tsukauchi's quirk?" Nezu said upon entry when he and Izuku arrived, nodding at Aiura and I.
"No." I say. His quirk isn't common public knowledge, and it would be suspicious if we were to say yes. Aiura nods along with me.
"Detective? We already told you, we're not villains — you can let us go!" She yells, glaring at Aizawa, who matched her gaze with his quirk. "Ugh, I never knew some of my favourite characters could be so annoying" I have to suppress a laugh at her thoughts, and she gives me a hard stare once she notices that I've read her mind.
"My, Aizawa. How much have you grilled these children for the young girl to be so vexed?" Nezu asked, hopping into the remaining fabric of the scarf around Aizawa's neck.
"So cute" I hear Aiura think. Seriously?
"Not a lot." Aizawa scoffs, keeping his eyes on us. "Don't try anything; I've nullified both of you guys' quirks." Sorry, but that won't work if our powers aren't even quirks to begin with.
Just then, there's a knock at the door.
"Detective Tsukauchi! Come in, come in." Nezu said, as Tsukauchi walked to them. "Kids, go find All Might and tell him I sent you for battle training. We need to borrow your classroom for a moment!"
The students filed out of the classroom, a couple sending curious glances our way. I ended up telekinetically forcing a short purple haired pervert to turn his head away from Aiura, feeling like I might throw up from his thoughts about her. Seriously, are all perverts purple haired? What the hell?
"So, kids, did you lie to Aizawa and Nezu?" Straight into it, I guess. I think. Aiura's thoughts are on a similar track.
"No." She smiles sweetly at him, as if she had no idea that he could tell that she was lying. I have to admit, she can be funny.
“Well?” Nezu asks, and Tsukauchi nods.
“They lied to you at some point.” He confirms.
“What a surprise,” Aizawa says dryly. He turns to Aiura and I — mostly directing his question to Aiura, since she’s been the more responsive one, “Was it when you said that you weren’t working with Shigaraki?”
Aiura takes one look at me and realises that I’m not going to say anything, so she answers. “No.”
“Truth”
“Hm… Were you lying when you said that you’re not villains?”
“Oh my God, old man, I told you fifty times that we’re not villains! So no, we’re not villains, we don’t mean harm, but if you keep asking me the same fucking question, my answer might change.” She rolls her eyes, gesturing as wildly as she can with her arms bound.
“Truth… even the changing answer part, but that’s probably because you’ve irked her so much.”
“To think there was a time when I would thirst over this annoying ass man…” I beg your finest pardon, but what?
“Alright then. Was it when you said you were unfamiliar with Detective Tsukauchi’s quirk? That’s the only remaining thing you were asked.” Aizawa asks, and Aiura nods. “Why would you lie about that?”
No point in being dishonest. “It would seem suspicious if it seemed like we did research.”
“He’s… telling the truth, Aizawa, Nezu.”
“Tell us how you got here.” Aizawa’s thoughts barely concealed his impatience with her.
“I can’t with you anymore. Is your memory just bad? Because we already told you, quirk accident.” Aiura snapped, dragging out the last two words as if she was talking to a child throwing a tantrum.
“Half truth. Tell us the full truth and this will go by a lot faster.” Tsukauchi looked annoyed, and Aiura didn’t have a single trace of remorse in her face. Aizawa and Nezu went to another side of the room to have a hushed discussion about us, leaving Tsukauchi to question us alone.
“How many times do I have to tell you that we teleported here by mistake?” Despite looking desperate and angry, she was choosing her words carefully. I usually pretend to only tolerate her, but even I have to admit that she deserves respect for keeping her cool in a situation as absurd as this.
“That’s the truth. How did you teleport here?”
“This one,” -this one? seriously?- she said, nodding her head at me so that it’d be clear who she was talking about, “has got the ability to manipulate and warp space and time — basically all the dimensions — and accidentally got us into a villain base. Then, when he tried to get us out, the dumbass ended up teleporting us here by accident.”
“All truth… But wait, villains?”
“Yeah, we ended up in the League of Villains’ base. It was pretty cosy, if I’m being honest, but then they tried to kill us so we had to dip.” Aiura shrugged, as if she didn’t reveal something that probably would change the plot of a whole anime.
After Tsukauchi explained the situation to Aizawa and Nezu, they decided that Aiura and I will join 3-A and remain under supervision until the heroes could be sure that we wouldn't be in danger of getting targeted by the League. Of course we would, the fic would be boring if the author didn't make us suffer.
Currently, Aizawa was explaining that to his students, while Aiura and I awkwardly stood beside him in the dorm common room.
"Hah? So we have to room with them? Fuck no!" Bakugo was the first to break the silence with his god-awful screaming. He did bring up a good point, though.
"You will not be rooming with them, simply think of them as new additions to the class. They will be getting their own rooms." Aizawa assured, before leaving the building.
There was a moment of awkward silence, before Kaminari filled it.
"Yo, that's so cool! Tell us about yourselves!"
And soon enough, almost all of class 3-A was crowding around us asking questions that only Aiura answered. Dear god help me.
"That is enough!" Iida yelled, getting ignored by the class in favour of meeting us.
"Ugh, shut the fuck up! You're only gonna end up tiring them out! Get yourselves together!" Bakugo shouted, shutting the class up. Yaoyorozu patted Iida's back comfortingly. It's not his fault the class refuses to listen to him.
"Oh, I know; We should have a sleepover! And we can get to know each other then!" Mina suggested, practically bouncing with excitement.
"Yes! That sounds like so much fun. Are you guys up to it?" Hagakure chimed in.
"Hell yeah! I haven't had a sleepover in so long! Kusuo, you can't say no." Aiura gasped, rounding on me. What? No. You guys have fun by yourselves, I'm not joining. I stay silent.
"Tch, I'm going to bed. I'm not gonna join your weird sleepover, morons." Bakugo scoffed, as he started walking away to the elevator. See? This guy gets it. I'm glad to find an ally in this hellhole.
"What? No, Kacchan, don't go! It'll be fun, I promise!"
Of fucking course Midoriya had to come and ruin this for me.
Bakugo rolled his eyes. "Fine. But I'm going to bed earlier than all you freaks, so don't you fucking dare wake me up! I'll kill you all!" No, stay strong, soldier! I can't believe he was taken down by love. Why did he have to be so gay for Midoriya?
"So we're all going? Great!" Mina exclaimed. No. No, we're not all going. Have fun without me. Please.
"Come on, Kusuo." Aiura said.
"…"
"You're coming. Everyone else is; it wouldn't be the normal thing to do. Not very average of you!" She argued, stretching the last vowel.
"Fine."
We do end up having fun. Though no one will end up hearing that from me.
About halfway into the night, at around nine in the evening, Mina suggests we go around asking questions for the entire class to answer. What is this, first day of school icebreakers?
Somehow, Midoriya managed to convince Bakugo to stay up with us, so everyone's still here. Curse me for choosing such a weak man, bound to his love, as an ally.
"I feel like I still don't know anything about you, Saiki! What even is your quirk?" Kaminari asked.
"Warping and manipulating the four dimensions. You?" I respond, even though I know his quirk. I'm not supposed to, though, so I throw the question back at him.
"Electricity… but damn, that's an insane quirk!"
We go around asking questions. At one point, the topic of deserts comes up, courtesy of my new best friend, Sato Rikido, and they learn that I'd do almost anything for coffee jelly. They're definitely going to use this against me in the future, aren't they? Well, no problem. At least I'll get coffee jelly out of it.
Good grief. Mina's question has to do with romance.
Lord give me strength.
We find out that Bakugo ane Midoriya are dating — to neither Aiura or I's surprise — Mina and Kirishima are dating, Jiro and Kaminari are dating, Hagakure and Ojiro are dating, Todoroki and Sero are dating- is everyone in this class dating someone? -Shoji and Tokoyami are dating, and that Uraraka is dating Toga. The same girl who tried to stab me. She's certainly got interesting taste.
The question finally reaches Aiura and I, and she answers for me.
"Kusuo's got the most beautiful girlfriend!" She fawns. "I used to have the biggest crush on her — well, everyone did, and still do in some cases — but they're made for each other!"
"Whoa, tell us more! It's not like he's going to, anyway." Mina exclaims.
"Yeah, he probably wont." Aiura agreed. Why are you giving away information about my private life to fictional strangers? "It was a super long slowburn, which was weird to me at the time because I used to think that they only happen in fiction-" we are fiction "but they're really cute together!"
"Oh my god, can I see a picture of her?" Hagakure asked, snatching my phone from the table.
She's my wallpaper…
"Is this her?" She asks. I nod. Not much I can do, anyway. "She's so pretty! How in the world would it be a slowburn?"
"Yes, give us the full story!" Ochako chimed in.
Am I just supposed to sit here and watch Aiura tell everyone about my love life? Actually, to be honest, I probably am.
"Okay, so go back to the start of our second year of high school, right?" Aiura starts, almost all the kids nodding along. Bakugo was pretending he wasn't interested, but his thoughts were as traitorous as the rest of the class. It's my own fault for believing I could trust anyone. "And they're in the same class! So she sees him one time when they're outside, and goes to say hello. Now, the normal reaction to seeing her would be to fall in love, and not once has she ever seen a man not do so! So when he ignores her, she gets confused, obviously."
"Wait, Saiki, you ignored her? But she's so beautiful!" Kaminari looked at me like I committed a crime. Good grief, he's one of those ones.
"I couldn't see it at the time. And besides, there's much more to her than her beauty."
"Anyway, she got super pissed, but she hid it, and continued to try to talk to him, just as he continued to ignore her. Then, he went into a crowd and teleported away, and she thought that she imagined him! Would you believe it? And she came to the conclusion that she was in love with him!"
"Dude you were two seconds from the worst fumble of all time." Kaminari's still hung up on the fact that I wasn't immediately in love with her.
"So then, for the rest of one — or four? I'm not sure — years, she continued to pine after him and try to make him fall in love. Somewhere along the way, she ended up actually falling in love with him, and at the start of our third year, Kusuo finally pulled his shit together and saw her beauty, and her growth as a person, and decided that he was in love with her, too! And they started dating about a month ago!" She recapped.
"Whoa, that's like, a whole romance novel!" Midoriya exclaimed. Yeah, no shit. It's fanon, they write novel length fics about Kokomi and I on a regular basis. What did you expect? "Anyway, tell us about the girl you've had an eye on."
"Oh, she's just perfect! She has the most beautiful brown hair, and she's so sweet, and can you believe that she's also into fortune telling?" Good grief. What have you started, Midoriya? I'm just going to tune her out and pretend I'm back home eating coffee jelly instead of inside a fanfiction hanging out with kids from a different anime.
"-…to bed. Oi, hairpins, you've been staring off into space for the past hour. You coming with or are you just gonna stay there?" Bakugo asked me. He managed to stay up past ten? I'm proud.
"Thank you. Yes, I think I'll be going to bed." I say, earning myself an eye roll from Aiura.
"What about you, nerd?" Bakugo calls to Midoriya.
Fucking gays.
"I'll be there in a minute, Kacchan! Just keep your door unlocked and try to sleep, I'll lock it and join you soon."
"Fine." Bakugo scoffed. I think this guy might be more of a tsundere than I am. Seriously, I'm glad he doesn't know I can hear his thoughts. Guy's more whipped and gayer than the tiny Gay Lea butter packets they give in takeout.