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"It's saying we've got another 3 hours to go, Eddie."
Eddie isn't looking at him, choosing instead to cast his gaze out the passenger window, eyes following the slow drips of rainwater slipping smoothly down the glass. He's surprisingly calm for someone who frequently cites 'sitting in traffic' as the worst part of LA, given that Buck's jeep is currently very much trapped in unmoving gridlock.
Buck figures the car won't be allowed to inch forward anytime soon, so he chances a glance at the backseat. Chris is draped over the middle seat, sleep softening his face, his curls falling messily across his eyes. Theo is safely tucked into his child's seat, his earlier excitement drained out to make room for all the serenity of a calming nap. In his periphery, he catches Eddie stifle a brief yawn.
"Well, there was a mudslide up ahead, can't be helped," Eddie says easily, head lolling on the back of his seat. He keeps his voice low, just loud enough for Buck to hear, not nearly audible enough to stir the kids in the back.
Buck feels the weariness sneak up his throat and into his words. "It's gonna be so late by the time we get there."
Eddie barely bristles. "We can just have a late start tomorrow, sleep in a little."
Buck hums a brief agreement, eyes zeroed in on the unmoving red Prius in front of them. He taps his finger on the steering wheel, trying to lose some of the restlessness in his bones, dissipate some of the anxiety of this first trip with Theo. He shifts a little in his seat, foot planted firmly on the brake, but the awkward position makes his bad leg twinge.
Eddie's eyes turn toward him, suddenly alert, eyebrows raising in alarm. "Your leg bothering you?"
"A little. I think I've just been sitting in the same position a little too long."
Eddie frowns, pulling his eyebrows together as he fishes out his phone. Buck sees him click onto Google Maps, watches Eddie scan the page with a slight squint. "Hm," Eddie says. "We can switch. Take the exit here? Exit 210?"
Buck flicks on his turn signal as he guides the jeep slowly off the Interstate 5, weaving right through three lanes of almost unmoving cars. It's just past 6pm, and perhaps a few weeks ago, the sky would still have been a magnificent, rich blue. But as the seasons tick over towards longer nights and chillier days, he knows they're approaching the golden hour. The sun droops, reminiscent of Buck's own eyelids now, as the sky adopts a slight orange hue. He makes sure to keep his eyes pried open to witness it.
They park in one of the few lots off the i-5, abutting a large wooden board welcoming them to Fort Tejon State Historic Park. Buck hadn't been aware there was anything at this exit at all. He glances over at Eddie, whose smile is soft, fluffy like his ungelled hair, subdued like the faint hues of sunset blending into the horizon. Eddie, who turns his phone screen toward Buck and laughs, "It's on the National Register of Historic Places. Used to be an army outpost."
Chris and Theo stir once Buck turns the engine off.
"We there yet?" Chris' voice is still muddled with sleep.
"No, just a quick break," Eddie answers back, voice still gentle but with more bass behind it. "Come on, let's take a look before the sun sets and it gets too dark." He's saying the last bit directly to Buck.
Chris clambers out of the car, while Eddie unbuckles and sets Theo down on the ground, both boys still rubbing sleep from their eyes. The drizzle has subsided, leaving the crisp smell of rainwater and a slight lick of humidity in the air.
"Rain's stopped," Eddie supplies, as if Buck hadn't noticed. "Hopefully that's a good sign for traffic later."
Buck slides himself out of the driver's seat gingerly, careful not to contort his bad leg into any other unnatural positions. He carefully works his way onto the gravel, testing his weight on both feet. He's relieved to find that the tension bleeds out of his knee once he's able to stretch it. He looks over at Chris, who's reading a visitor information panel conveniently located at the head of a trail. Theo is peering up next to Chris, pretending to read the same panel, nodding along as Chris does.
He shares a look with Eddie, whose phone is already out, snapping a quick picture of both their boys.
When Chris turns around, looking equal parts fascinated and embarrassed at being too excited, Theo turns too. It's evident in Theo's face that he hasn't read a single word off the panel.
"This place is pretty cool, seems like there's a lot of Californian history here," Chris says, trying to play off like he isn't interested. Theo nods, pretending he gets it.
Buck laughs. "Too bad the sun's already setting. We gotta hustle if we wanna make it before it gets too late."
Chris shrugs, "I'll read more about it online."
"Alright, bathroom, then back on the road?" Eddie says, lifting Theo into his arms. Theo nods his enthusiastic assent, and Chris moves to follow behind them, gesturing for Eddie to lead the way. Buck watches them amble off as the sun dips lower, feeling something warm, something akin to the slowly fading sunlight, swooping in his chest, and quickly hastens his pace behind them.
Later, Eddie slips quietly into the driver's seat, adjusting the seat slightly for his shorter stature, and passes over a bottle of hot water.
"Almost had to grovel to get the owner at that convenience store to boil some water for me," he confesses easily. "But it's for your leg. Heat helps, right?"
Warmth swells in Buck's chest, nowhere near the bottle.
"Y-yeah. Thanks."
Eddie's tone is tender as he says, "Get some sleep. I'll wake you when we're closer."
Buck slips easily into the most peaceful sleep he's had in months.
🌳
There's someone lightly jostling his shoulder when he comes to, and the touch is so warm, so soothing, he almost just leans into it and lats himself sink deeper into blissful slumber.
"Hey, Buck, you'll wanna see this," comes the low rumble that finally peels him from sleep.
He wrenches his eyes open, and it's dark out. He's not sure when the twilight had truly deepened into pure night, but it had happened sometime between him deciding to rest his eyes, and Eddie slowly shaking him awake. Speaking of which, he turns his attention to the reason he's been woken.
There's a bear ahead of them on the road, illuminated by their car's headlights, the only light source for miles. He can't seem to distinguish what kind under the dim light alone, but he knows that the only bears found in Sequoia are Black Bears. The bear seems oblivious to the approaching vehicle, choosing to focus on slowly making its way across the road.
Behind him, he hears Chris and Theo's breaths hitch.
"Woah! That's big!" Theo says, awed.
Buck's gaze is fully trained on the specimen of nature before him, but he swears he can hear a smile in Chris' voice when he says, "That's not even the biggest they can get."
"Really?" Theo squeals.
Buck is about to whip his head around to rattle off some facts about Black Bears, when he hears Chris say proudly, "Yeah, they can grow up to 7 feet. That's even taller than Buck."
"Woah! But Buck's so big already!"
Buck watches the bear slowly padding along, slowly disappearing back into the trees, sees its figure be swallowed by the ebony of the night, before he tears his eyes away, finally looking to the two boys in the back. Theo is blinking up at Chris like he's the coolest guy on the planet, and something in Buck's chest unlatches at the sight.
Eddie is still smiling that tranquil half-smile, tiredness clearly pulling at the edges of his eyes. The jeep is still chugging along under Eddie's steady guidance, slower in case any other animals decide to grace the road with their presence tonight. Buck reaches over tentatively, lets his hand hover for just a second, then rest on Eddie's arm. Eddie gives an involuntary shiver, almost like Buck's pierced some invisible barrier between them, the warmth of his palm feeling like it should be hissing against Eddie's icy bicep.
"You okay to keep driving? Sorry I fell asleep," Buck whispers, low again despite the kids being awake, almost reverent. As if there's something sacred built up in this car that he's afraid to topple.
Eddie waves him off, the gesture casual. "I'm good. We're only twenty minutes out." Buck notices some tension loosen from his shoulders as he adds, "Besides, you looked like you needed the sleep."
Buck doesn't try to hold back the smile that's crept its way onto his face. And if Eddie notices that Buck stares only at him for the rest of the way to Wuksachi Lodge, he chooses not to comment.
🌳
They make it to the lodge before 10pm, a small consolation given that they'd left the Diaz residence just before 3pm. Light rain and an unexpected mudslide on the i-5 had stretched a 4-hour journey to a nearly 7-hour one. Every one of Buck's joints throb with a dull ache as he unfolds himself from the car seat, stretching himself out into the chill night air.
Eddie doesn't stop to appreciate the fresh air, instead immediately moving to unpack the trunk, slinging a duffel over his shoulder as he looks over the kids.
"You wanna check in? I'll corral the kids," he offers, slipping printed confirmation of their booking from his back pocket into Buck's grasp.
Buck snorts. "You printed it? I have the e-copy saved in my phone, Eddie. You're such a grandpa."
Eddie chuckles, voice still low and weary. "You can't be too prepared." He pulls Buck's duffel out of the trunk and waves him off toward the lobby.
Between the two of them and their unspoken efficiency, they get checked in to their large room with two queen beds, and have the kids in their pajamas within half an hour. It was logistics, really, the room choice. It made sense for all four of them to share a room, and the easiest way to do that was to book a family room for four, the large majority of which advertised two plush queen beds.
Perhaps, Buck thinks, if the day hadn't dragged on the way it already has, if he weren't so tired already, exhaustion clinging to his skin like an unwelcome layer of grime, he and Eddie might have bothered with a pretense of the awkward dance. They would have taken turns to offer to sleep on the very stiff looking couch in the corner rather than share the remaining queen.
But as it stands, they're both beat. So once they've both had their turn in the shower, placed their toothbrushes snug against each other in a cup by the sink, they simply share a brief look, a trifling grin, and slide into place under the sheets next to the other with no further discussion.
"What's the plan for tomorrow?" Eddie breathes into the sheets.
Buck turns in the bed to face Eddie, gasping slightly when he finds himself a far closer to Eddie than he'd expected. Eddie's breath tickles his nose, but he makes no move to widen the distance between them.
"What makes you think I've planned anything?" Buck whispers back, the sound muffled by the bed, but loud enough to pull Eddie's smile wider.
Eddie rolls his eyes. "Please, I'm surprised you haven't already broken out your clipboard. I know you've got the day planned down to the second."
"Well, you're just gonna have to wait and see," Buck teases with slight cheekiness.
Their eyes meet, and their gazes hold for just a second, long enough to feel a little more intimate than safe. Buck blinks and averts his eyes.
"Night, Buck," Eddie says, voice wobbly like he's already half asleep.
"Night, Eddie," Buck rasps in reply, more terse than he intends. He doesn't have time to overthink it before his awareness is pulled back under.
🌳
"Left at the next turn, and we're there!" Buck declares.
Eddie wears his loose smile easily on his face, his hands light on the steering wheel. They take a smooth left turn, and find themselves at the General Sherman Tree Trail, a quaint wooden sign announcing the trailhead.
"We're gonna see the General Sherman Tree!" Buck says, his tone making Theo squirm in his seat with excitement.
"Who's General Sherman?" Theo asks.
Buck thinks for a moment, reaching for the memory of a past research spiral. "I think he was a general in the Civil War. But the better question is… what's special about his tree?" He wriggles his eyebrows at Theo, earning himself a joyous laugh.
"What? What?" Theo bounces in place, as Eddie reaches over to unbuckle him.
"It's the largest tree in the world," Chris says. When Buck flashes him a proud, surprised smile, Chris simply shrugs and smirks. "You're not the only one who knows how to google."
Theo's eyes widen as he tugs at Buck and Eddie's shirts, urging them toward the trailhead.
"Hey bud, you gotta slow down, remember? Chris can't go as fast as you can." Buck bends down to look meaningfully at Theo, and Theo gives a quick nod.
"Right! Let's go! Slower!" Theo positions himself dutifully next to Chris, excitedly bouncing on his heels while he waits for Eddie to fetch Chris' crutches from the back.
Buck walks over, leaning in to say, "I was thinking we do this trail, which is about half a mile, and continue on to the Congress trail, which is an almost 3 mile round trip. All paved, very slight incline. It's also wheelchair accessible if you need it." He nods his head at Chris' wheelchair, packed away in the corner of the trunk just in case. "Otherwise, we can take it slow. We've got all day."
Chris considers for a moment, eyes glancing between the wheelchair and the trailhead, and then shakes his head. "I think I'm good. We can just go slow."
Eddie smiles, a genuine one that reaches his eyes, makes his face glow a gorgeous shade of pink in the tranquil morning sun. Buck nearly misses a breath. Eddie reaches up to close the trunk, slipping on a backpack, lovingly prepared by Buck the day before, packed with their essentials.
They go at Chris' pace, easily strolling through the trail at a leisurely pace, the crispness of the fall air lightly kissing their faces. It delivers a pleasant aroma, the scent of morning dew on fresh leaves mixed with damp earth. Buck breathes it in eagerly, greedily, letting the oxygen fill his lungs with something that tastes suspiciously like contentment.
As they walk, the trees that line the trail seem to grow in stature, till they're towering behemoths, Theo and Chris straining their necks to see to the top of them.
"Is this it?" Theo muses, pointing at a particularly tall Sequoia tree.
Buck huffs a laugh. "Not yet, bud. You'll know it when you see it."
They take another three steps before Theo is once again pointing at another tree, asking, "Is this it?"
"Nope. The General Sherman Tree's even bigger!"
"That's impossible! This one's huge!" Theo shouts, gesturing with both his arms to explain how large the tree is.
It's Chris' turn to chuckle as he says, "Nah. This one's just a baby compared to the main thing."
The trail turns, and Theo's still excitedly chattering away, pointing out every fourth tree. But as they round the bend, the main attraction comes into view, complete with its own wooden sign nameplate.
"Oh," Theo stops, stunned. "I think that's Sherman's tree."
"The General Sherman Tree," Buck corrects. "Gotta put some respect on his name."
"What did the general even do?" Eddie wonders aloud.
"Not sure," Buck ribs, nudging Eddie playfully. "I wasn't talking about him. I meant you gotta put some respect on the tree's name."
"Right," Eddie's grin still sits plainly on his face. "My bad. Just didn't expect you to assume the tree's gender."
Buck sputters, the laugh that emerges from him almost incredulous. He gives Eddie a playful shove, and Eddie dodges out of the way gracefully, situating himself next to Theo. Theo, who is still staring up at the feat of nature, slack-jawed and wide-eyed.
"It's big!" Theo exclaims, slightly breathless.
"The biggest, if you recall," Chris adds helpfully.
"Can I grow that big?"
Chris guffaws, a hearty sound that bubbles from deep in his chest. Buck looks on, amused, and helpfully explains, "Well, bud, the tree's at least 2200 years old."
"So I can grow that big when I'm 2200 years old?"
Buck doesn't think the concept of the limited human lifespan and mortality is suited to a day such as this, so he shrugs and replies a non-committal, "Maybe. Let's revisit in about two thousand years."
"Okay," Theo says simply. "I'm gonna grow so big! Bigger than the bear yesterday! Bigger than Mr. Sherman!"
"General," Buck says on instinct, before deciding to drop it. "You sure are, bud," he offers instead.
They huddle together for a family photo in front of the tree, and Buck jogs up to a group of apparent college students with his phone, asking for help to snap a photo. They get a few shots beaming at the camera, and when Buck goes to retrieve his phone, the girl remarks, heartfelt, "You have such an adorable family."
There's no hesitation in his voice when he responds, "Thank you. I really do."
🌳
They're halfway through Congress Trail, working their way at a steady, manageable pace, when Theo points out a tree.
"Why's that one all black here?" He runs up, prodding the charred insides of a sequoia tree.
Chris stills. "Looks like a burn scar," he muses.
"Burn? The tree got burnt up?" Theo asks, suddenly concerned.
"Yeah," Buck is quick to interject. "Wildfires can be pretty common around these parts."
"Oh." Theo is silent for a while. His chattering has been the backdrop of their walk for so long that the sudden pause is unsettling.
"Hey," Buck drops to his knee next to Theo, his voice rounding into something much gentler. "The tree's okay now, though. It's still alive." He points upwards, directing Theo's attention to the very green leaves still on the tree, a sign of its continued vitality.
"Okay," Theo says, sounding thoroughly unconvinced, shifting to turn away.
"Buck's right," Eddie adds, solemn. "Just because it has scars, just because it's been hurt before, doesn't mean it won't still live a long, good life."
"Scars," Theo muses, almost to himself. "Like Buck's leg?"
"Yeah, just like that. Buck got hurt before, but look at him now."
Buck feels his face shift into a fragile ghost of a smile. "Y-yeah. And in fact, I'm stronger now, because I came out of that alive."
"It's like dad's shoulder too," Chris adds.
Buck feels his hand move of its own volition, finding its place on Eddie's shoulder, his thumb resting tenderly on his bullet wound, a spot he's thoroughly memorized through oft relived nightmares. He rubs his thumb mindlessly, feeling Eddie melt slightly under his touch.
"Eddie has scars too?" Theo asks.
Eddie laughs, a slightly wet sound. "Yeah, more than I can count. But Buck's right, they all made me stronger."
Buck stands, a memory of something he once learnt shaking loose in his mind. "Prescribed fires!"
Three heads tilt at Buck, looking at him quizzically.
"The sequoias are resilient, they can survive through fire, but they can't thrive when there's too much competition around. Young sequoias rely on a fire to take out other plants around, so they can continue to survive. But they also don't want the fire to be too big, otherwise they get taken out with it. So…"
"Prescribed fires," Eddie finishes, understanding dawning on his face. "Park rangers start controlled, smaller fires to help the plants grow, and make sure that there isn't enough material build up for a bigger, natural fire to start."
"Right!" Buck beams, turning again to Theo. "They need the fires to grow big and strong."
Theo's hand hasn't left the dark marks on the Sequoia tree in front of him. He gingerly rubs his fingers across it, and very quietly asks Buck, "Do you think it hurts?"
"Maybe it used to," Buck answers, desperately trying to hold the wavering smile in place on his face. "But not anymore. You know when uh- when I hurt my leg, it hurt a lot. But nowadays, I barely even feel it anymore."
Theo moves his hand from the bark over to Buck's bad leg, gently rubbing his hand across it in a similar gesture. "It doesn't hurt anymore?"
"No," Buck says, resolutely. "And it was important, I think, to make me the person I am today. Like a prescribed fire. It had to hurt for a little bit so that I could grow big and strong."
Theo nods, curling himself toward Buck. "You're really big and strong," he whispers into Buck's shoulder.
"Thanks, bud," Buck whispers back. "You'll be too."
Theo straightens up, taking his position next to Chris again, sniffing slightly.
"The tree's okay," he proclaims to Chris. Chris looks back at him, putting serious consideration into Theo's assessment, then gives a reassuring nod.
Something flutters in Buck's chest again.
🌳
They've noticed a couple of wooden benches scattered along the trail, but an hour in, they finally decide to take a break at one. Studying the bench up close, Buck can finally see that it's been carved into, probably by hundreds of past visitors. Little messages, glimpses into strangers' lives, immortalized in fine indents in the timber.
There's a shaky carving of the word 'Jake' on one side, a more practiced inscription of 'For Mom' closer to the top, and a few crudely drawn hearts scattered around. And oddly, maybe impossibly, there in the middle of the bench, is a smoothly carved heart with 'B+E' etched neatly within.
Buck traces the letters with his left index, feeling the bumps in the bench scratch at his fingertip. "Who do you think B and E are? Maybe a Brad and Eleanor? Beth and Eliza? Brenda and Eli?"
Eddie just smiles, canines flashing at Buck. "I think it's Buck and Eddie." He tugs Buck onto the bench next to him. "Like they knew we were coming and wanted to make sure we knew where to sit."
Buck exhales a quick laugh, settling into the spot next to Eddie, thighs pressed against each other despite the width of the bench. They watch Chris and Theo studying a large stump nearby for a short while, Buck faintly making out Chris' patient explanation about how you can use rings on the stump to tell the age of a tree.
"Good thing our names are already on here," Eddie muses, breaking the comfortable silence that's fallen between them. "Or I'd have to take things into my own hands." He whips out his swiss army knife, flicking a small blade from it, before folding it back in and sliding the tool back into his pocket.
"I'm pretty sure that's a crime," Buck balks. "Like… this is state property. I think vandalizing it is probably illegal."
Something dangerous flashes across Eddie's face, and Buck swears he sees almost a glimmer of something playful in his eye. "Nah," Eddie says casually. "I'd never do anything illegal. I have a silver star."
The cadence of the statement is familiar, almost like… "Oh my god," Buck groans. "You talked to Ravi."
"I mean, we do work 24 hour shifts together. You didn't think he'd tell me about how you couldn't shut up about me?"
Buck buries his head in his hands. "I'm so sorry."
"What for?" Eddie is smirking.
Buck is mortified at what he's being forced to admit, but he squeezes his eyes shut and practically yells, "For being so obsessed with you! Oh my god, I'll be more normal, I promise."
He peeks through squinted eyes just enough to see Eddie contemplate this, chewing at his lower lip before smirking up at Buck again. "Don't."
"W- Wha-?"
"Don't be more normal. I uh- I like that you're obsessed with me."
Buck chokes on air. "Eddie!"
"What? It's cute." Eddie's face has, in the last twenty seconds, developed a very healthy, very deep red blush.
"I-" Buck finds that he can't quite convince his throat to produce any words.
"And I'm pretty obsessed with you too," Eddie appends, so quickly it comes out almost as one continuous word.
Buck can only repeat, "Eddie!"
"What? It's not a crime." Eddie pauses, that glint reigniting in his eye, a cheeky smile creeping back onto his face. "Not that I'd be capable of committing one, on account of…"
Buck hides his face in his palms again, resigning himself to never hearing the end of this. Sighing, he simply says, "Yeah, yeah, on account of the silver star."
🌳
They finish up the trail and make their way to the Pinewood Picnic Area, where Buck reaches into the backpack on Eddie's back and doles out sandwiches. Theo gets a PB&J, Chris gets a ham and cheese, and both he and Eddie get a BLT.
They would be munching on their food in peaceful, companionable silence, if not for the fact that Theo learnt just 30 minutes ago that the word Sequoia is a decently fun word to say, and spent the subsequent half an hour proving it to his family.
"Sequoia!" he declares, for what Buck thinks must be the thousandth time. He's heard it so many times that he's not even sure it's a real word anymore.
Eddie, unfazed, simply looks over and comments, "Don't speak with your mouth full, bud."
Theo chews, swallows, then declares again, "Sequoia!" Eddie nods in assent.
Theo considers for a moment, before turning to Chris and asking, "How do you spell Sequoia?"
To his credit, Chris very dutifully spells it out, making sure to pointedly swallow his sandwich bite before he does.
"Sequoia!" Theo says again, once Chris is done spelling, giggling this time.
Buck looks at both Eddie and Chris apologetically, but Chris simply presses his lips into a small smile, shrugging as he says, "It is a pretty cool word. Has all the vowels."
"Hm," Eddie says noncommittally, working through a large bite of his sandwich. "I didn't notice that. It has to be the shortest word with all 5 vowels, right?"
"I think that's Eunoia, actually," Buck supplies.
"Huh," Eddie remarks. "I don't think I've heard that word. What does it mean?"
"It's Greek. Literally means good mind or beautiful thinking. But I think Aristotle once used the word to refer to goodwill between people. The kind of goodwill that forms the foundation of friendship, persuasion, trust," Buck rattles off, happy to share another result of a previous late night research spiral.
When he blinks his attention back to Eddie, his best friend is looking at him with impossible fondness, his smile crooked on his face.
Eddie's jaw clenches, like he's holding back some immense outpouring of emotion. He works through the tension in his throat to say, "That first week, in the ambulance. Taking that grenade out of Charlie's leg."
Buck startles, the memory replaying itself vividly in his mind, the warmth of it tugging at his lips, shaping his mouth into a smile. "Yeah?"
"I think that was Eunoia. When I said you could have my back anyday."
"Or you could have mine," Buck recites breathlessly.
Eddie drops his hand under the table, finding Buck's without looking. He slots his fingers in between Buck's, and with their fingers interlaced, he gives a slight squeeze. Buck gasps a breath, before exhaling long and deep, relaxing into the contact.
"Yeah," Buck says, relaxed and easily. "That was Eunoia."
"Eunoia!" Theo declares across from them, his PB&J nothing more than crumbs left on his upper lip.
"Uh oh, I think Theo might have found his new favorite word," Eddie chuckles.
Chris glances briefly at his wristwatch, shrugging again. "Eh, I give it 45 minutes tops before he finds a new one." He looks briefly at where Buck and Eddie's hands are still intertwined, and levels both with a knowing look, before turning his attention back to his sandwich.
"Eunoia!" Theo announces again.
"Yeah," Eddie agrees. "You can say that again."
Theo does.
🌳
They take a short walk after lunch, making a brief detour to see the General Sherman Tree once more, at Theo's insistence that he simply had to bid goodbye to Mr. Sherman. He's balanced on Buck's hip as he enthusiastically waves at the giant tree, shouting, "Goodbye Mr. Sherman! Buck says we can come back to see you again next time!"
By the time they've piled back into the car for the long drive home, both Chris and Theo look about ready to sink back into sleep, satisfied exhaustion settling in their muscles. Buck feels satisfactorily stretched out, the long walk having eased the long-wrought tension held taut in his body. He slides into the passenger seat comfortably, uncharacteristically without jittering.
The jeep thrums along, smoothing over small bumps in the road, the soft growl of the engine almost a lullaby to the boys. Eddie drives with a sort of muted focus, his eyes on the road ahead, but flicking ever so often to his right to exchange a brief look with Buck. It sets Buck's face ablaze every time.
His eyes turn back to the road, and they widen, his face the picture of a startled animal, a deer in the headlights. Which is why, Buck thinks later, it's ironic that he turns his attention to the road to see a literal deer in their headlights.
"Hey," he says, the filter between his brain to his mouth having taken a sabbatical a couple miles back. "A deer in the headlights."
Theo blinks at him, and Chris snorts.
"It's a figure of speech," Chris helpfully explains to Theo, who simply blinks again, uncomprehending.
"What's a figure of speech?"
Chris looks up at Buck, shrugging, indicating the extent of his ability to explain. Buck twists in his seat to face Theo and says, "Uh… it's just a special expression. Like a deer in the headlights means someone being surprised."
"He looks surprised," Theo comments, pointing ahead to the deer, still strolling along the road ahead of the jeep.
"He's a buck!" Chris adds, poking Theo in the stomach to a pleased giggle.
"No he's not! Buck's a buck!" Theo exclaims.
Buck smiles, straining his neck further to fully appreciate the physical show of brotherly affection between the two kids. "Chris is right! Male deers are also known as bucks!"
"But… you're not a deer!" Theo ponders aloud.
"Maybe he is," Eddie chimes in from the driver's seat. "You've been holding out on us, Buck? "
Buck barks out a quick laugh, as loud as it is breathy. "No! Besides, Eddie looks way more like a deer than me."
"I do not!"
"Yeah you do, with those… brown doe eyes of yours."
"What does that even mean?" Eddie asks, his tone a touch defensive, but Buck can already see the upward curve of his lips, knows there's a smile teasing it's way out.
"Oh, you definitely know. You weaponize them all the time," Buck scoffs. "You think I haven't noticed you widening your eyes and blinking up at me when you want an extra cookie, or when you want to pick the movie night movie?"
Eddie's jaw flexes, like he's about to speak again, but nothing emerges. Then, another dangerous flash passes his face, quick and affecting enough that a sudden change in Eddie's countenance nearly sends Buck reeling.
The Jeep is at a near standstill now, Eddie's foot pressed unmoving the brake like a held inhale, unhurriedly waiting for the buck ahead to saunter back into the trees. Buck's breath snags with it, as Eddie tilts his head toward Buck, and blinks at him, doe eyes in full force. It sends something rumbling through Buck's tight chest, a spark that radiates through his whole body, turning him into a live wire, fizzling with energy.
"Is it working?" Eddie asks, his smile cracking at his cheeks.
"Shut up," Buck says, barely audible to himself through the sound of blood rushing to his cheeks.
The deer traipses off beyond the tree line, and Eddie steps evenly onto the gas pedal again. Buck finally exhales, letting the excess energy dissipate from his frayed nerves as Eddie pries his gaze from him.
Chris snorts again in the backseat, teasing oozing from his every word, "Relax, you guys can both be deers."
Eddie shrugs, both hands never leaving ten-and-two on the steering wheel. "I guess I don't mind being a deer if Buck's one too."
The redness in Buck's cheeks doesn't fade for another ten minutes.
🌳
As the blues of the sky scatter to make way for the red of dusk, the unfamiliar trees dotting the side of the road slowly morph into the more familiar shape of the Los Angeles skyline. With the sun approaching the horizon, Buck feels the Jeep chugging closer toward the comforting shape of home with the same even cadence.
Chris and Theo are sound asleep, brief snores the only sign of life either boy has offered in over a hundred miles. Buck's been absent-mindedly beholding the single swirl of an orange-tinted cloud in the sky, a rarity given the dry Californian air, a view as fragile as the tender moment suspended at present. Every so often, his eyes drift over to Eddie.
Eddie, blinking back against the dryness of the car's AC, quickly flicking his tongue across his chapped lips, briefly running his fingers through his hair, pushing stray strands away from his eyes. Eddie, who's beautiful under the evening sun, looking almost pink all over, perhaps a trick of the light.
Eddie, who somehow knows he's being watched, cheeks lifting with satisfaction as he drawls, "I had a lot of fun this weekend, Buck."
Buck's smile pulls at his eyes, settling into his seat. He looks more purposefully at Eddie now, confidently, greedily. "Yeah?" He says, warmth pooling in his chest. "Me too."
Eddie's jaw shifts again, tensing and untensing. He's been doing that a lot lately, like he's willing himself to produce words that his tongue refuses to loose. Buck waits, letting his head press against the headrest, his entire body turned to the left, fully pointed toward Eddie.
Eddie glances quickly to his right, and chuckles when he makes brief eye contact with Buck. His eyes fly back onto the open road, as he carefully says, "I've been thinking." He pauses.
"Have you?"
Eddie huffs, a little indignant, before continuing, "About what you said about prescribed fires." Another pause, a deep inhale, something that looks like Eddie steeling himself, resolve burning in his eyes. "I kinda feel like our whole relationship has been one big eight-year long prescribed fire, you know? The things we've had to go through, together and apart."
Buck blinks, unwilling to speak out of the fear that he'll break something vulnerable hanging in the air.
"And I think we're coming out the other side of that. Like the controlled burning's finally done its job. Created this relationship that's thriving. And it's monumental, huge, bigger than I can comprehend. Like I'm looking up at it and I can't see how far up it goes."
Buck blinks again, realizing that Eddie is only a blur of color in his vision. He's not sure when tears had started to pool in his eyes, but they're now threatening to spill over.
"I guess what I'm saying is," And despite the blurriness in Buck's eyes, he can tell Eddie's smiling. "Our relationship has kind of been a really intense slow burn."
"Slow burn," Buck echoes, incredulity in his voice. "You know that's a phrase people use to describe romances, right?"
"Is uh- is that not what this is?" Eddie sounds nonchalant, but Buck can see the playfulness in the glimmer of his eye, the slight nervousness in the quiver of his lips, the want in the tilt of his body. Leaning, always leaning, toward Buck.
Eddie lifts a hand from the steering wheel, offering it toward Buck, like a question. Buck doesn't hesitate. He reaches over to clasp Eddie's hand in his. The contact sends a tingle through his arm, a sensation like pure, unadulterated euphoria exploding across his body.
"I wanna kiss you so bad," Buck whines, then he drops his voice lower. "But you're also driving a hundred miles an hour with our two kids in the backseat."
Eddie laughs, slightly manic in a way that tells Buck he's very seriously considering pulling over. "Don't worry," he chooses to say instead. "We've got plenty of time to get to that."
"Yeah? Maybe 2200 years?" Buck teases.
Eddie, with all the fondness in his grin, laughs. The sound reverberates, tickles the little bit of Buck's brain that sends a thrill down his spine. Eddie feels Buck shudder, their hands still clasped together over the gear shift. It is, in fact, monumental, this thing between them. The love they've built through eight years of blood, tears, fights, hugs, jokes, arguments. Bigger, taller, hardier than any tree could dream of being.
Eddie seems to read his mind, as he always does. A melodic laugh slipping through his teeth, he practically sings, "General Sherman's got nothing on us."