Archive of Our Own

October

In another life, Park Humin was one of the greatest high school basketball players ever to exist. That life also was full of tragedy and heartbreak and violence, unfortunately. 

Thankfully, in this life, Park Humin was one of the greatest high school volleyball players to ever exist. Captain of the team two years in a row, playing with his best friends, and most of all, getting to hang out with the cutie sports manager; life could not get any better. 

“Baku watch out!” His best friend’s voice rang out across the gym, but as usual, Baku’s eyes were trained on Yeon Sieun, so he had no time to dodge the incoming ball. The bright blue and yellow ball smashed into his cheek, leaving a red mark and busting the corner of his lip. Immediately, Hyuntak and Juntae ran over to check the damage. 

“Guys, guys, I’m fine,” Baku said as blood trailed down his face and dripped onto the floor. “It’s just a scratch.” 

Juntae leaned in to look at the wound more closely, putting his first aid training to good use. “I don’t know, Humin-ah. It looks really deep; you should probably head to the nurse and get it looked at.” 

Baku loved his friends, but if Juntae didn’t stop interfering with his Sieun time, he was ready to throw him into a dungeon for a week. Before he could protest, a low voice spoke from over his shoulder. 

“I’ll take him.”

The words, cold and detached, flowed like ice in his veins. Normally, people only felt fear, but for Baku, the ice strengthened his bones as if it were a suit of armor resting on his skin. It was a wonder what a few words from Yeon Sieun could inspire in him. He spun around, lip aching as he grinned widely. 

Sieun’s eyes narrowed, gesturing the other forward. “Don’t get any ideas; it’s my job to help the team with any problems.”

Baku placed his hand on top of Sieun’s head and ruffled his hair a bit before walking towards the door of the gym. “As you wish my dear team manager.”

As the two walked in the halls together, there was a pretty usual silence. Despite being friends with the whole team, Baku and Sieun weren’t particularly close with each other. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be close, but Sieun was like a grumpy little black cat. He wasn’t one to socialize with the team, nor was he one to open up to others. He mostly stuck with Beomseok and Juntae, preferring their quiet and calm energy compared to Baku and Hyuntak’s antics. If he wanted to win Sieun’s heart, it would have to be on Sieun’s terms and in a way Sieun would appreciate. 

“Thanks, by the way,” Baku said to break the silence. He intentionally lowered his tone, trying to project a calm demeanor even though his insides felt like the butterfly exhibit at the zoo. Maybe Sieun would like to go there one day.

“Huh?” Sieun turned to look at the other boy. 

Baku ran a hand through his hair and stopped in his tracks. “Thank you for coming with me to the nurse’s office. I’m sure you have more important things to do, so I appreciate it.”

Sieun stopped walking as well, mulling over the words. “Like I said, it’s my job to take care of the team.”

“Right, yeah. Still, I just wanted to say thank you.” He looked down at his shoes, before walking forward once more. 

“But... I like doing it. I always get nervous when you guys get hurt, and you get hurt a lot.”

He spun around, but Sieun was marching forward already and refusing to look at Baku’s face. As he passed, the other boy swore he could see the faintest blush on his cheeks. Baku stood still for a moment, before throwing his fist in the air. 

Without turning around, Sieun called back, “Hurry up! We still have to get back to practice.”

“Yes sir!” Baku replied, widening the wound on his face with how much he was smiling. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

November

“I know you have 99 IQ, but Baku-yah, are you fucking stupid?”

He waved off Hyuntak’s angry protests, peeking through the window of class 3-2. Normally, he would be making his way to the cafeteria with the rest of the team, but today, he was finally going to ask Sieun to hang out one-on-one. They hadn’t ever hung out by themselves before, but ever since that day, Sieun had been a bit more friendly with him. 

Baku watched as the boy slowly packed his pencil case and placed his belongings into his desk. He would have gone inside, but he overheard Juntae and Sieun talking before about how Sieun’s routines were important to him, and any slight deviation could throw off his whole day. Sieun’s comfort was important to him. 

What was not important was Gotak buzzing in his ear about the upcoming practice game. 

“Hey, Sieun-ah!” Baku called, walking away from an indignant Gotak. The look of rage on his face meant Baku was in for a beating later, but nothing was going to stop him from getting some Sieun time. 

As he called out, Sieun slowly turned his head towards the door. He stood there, giving a small nod as a greeting to his fellow teammates, to which Gotak gave a quick small smile back. Baku came closer, standing in front of Sieun with a nervous smile on his face. 

Baku smiled widely. “Do you have some time right now? I was thinking we could go over some plays before the practice game and get something to eat. You know, since you’re the team manager and all.”

“Oh,” Sieun said. “Sorry Humin, but I have to do something for the teacher and then I’m meeting with Beomseok and Juntae. Maybe another time?”

“Ah, yeah, sure. Of course,” Baku replied, trying to mask the disappointment on his face. “Whenever you aren’t busy.”

Sieun nodded and swiftly walked out of the other door, leaving behind an upset team captain and a squad of players. He really shouldn’t be so surprised; it wasn’t like they were great friends or anything. Baku would just have to try some other time. 

A very painful smack on the back of his head snapped Baku out of his Sieun induced depression. He whipped around to see Gotak still standing there, angry as ever. “Ow! What the hell was that for?”

Gotak rolled his eyes. “I know your brain is all mush from the lack of oxygen when you’re staring at Yeon Sieun, but genuinely, are you out of your fucking mind? Baku-yah, how could you schedule a practice game with Ganghak of all schools?”

“Oh grow up,” Baku threw his arm around Gotak’s neck, dragging him into the hallway. “Baekjin was telling me that they need to get some more practice in since their setter got detention and couldn’t play in the games anymore. It’s just one game.”

“Yah, Park Humin. Why the fuck are you still talking to Na Baekjin? Have you really lost it?” Gotak ripped himself away from Baku, standing on the opposite side of the corridor. “We can’t play Ganghak. They will literally kill us; you know they play like they’re trying to fight instead. Plus, if I have to see that fucker again-”

“Yes, yes, we all know you have a crush on Geum Seongje, but it’ll be fine. You’ll hardly even notice him!”

“Park Humin, I’m going to kill you,” Gotak said calmly and quietly, which clued Baku in that he was serious. Go Hyuntak’s default setting around his friend was loud, unless the other boy did something major to piss him off. 

That was all he needed to take off running down the hall. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

December

Unfortunately for Baku, there had been no time to catch Sieun one-on-one. Busy schedules and the midterm tests caused the two of them to be on opposite sides of the planet for the month. Fortunately for Gotak, it also meant that the practice game with Ganghak had been postponed while the students studied. 

Once the winter break started though, it couldn’t stop them from facing their worst enemies (Gotak’s words). Two days before New Year’s, the Eunjang Volleyball Club and the Ganghak Volleyball Club met in the Eunjang gymnasium to have their friendly practice match. 

As Baku entered the gym, he spotted Sieun sitting on the sidelines and looking over some notes on his clipboard. This would be his chance to ask Sieun to hang out over break! He could have just texted him, but he wasn’t sure if Sieun would appreciate Baku randomly contacting him. It was better to just ask in person. 

Before he could walk over, Baekjin called out to him. “Humin-ah!”

Reluctantly, he tore his gaze from Sieun and walked over to his friend, clapping him lightly on the back. “How’s it going, Jin-ah? Ready to get creamed on the court?”

“Yeah, you wish,” Baekjin smiled back. The smile didn’t last long as he looked over his own team warming up on the opposite side of the gym. “We have a new member on the team; I’m a bit worried about him since he had an injury a while back. He just transferred to our school, and I don’t know how he’s going to fit in yet.”

The door slammed open, sending the whole room into silence. Geum Seongje, the Mad Dog of Ganghak High, walked in without a care in the world. He had a bright orange jacket over his uniform, and his bag was slung over one shoulder. From the corner of his eye, Baku could see Gotak fuming at the sight of him. He sighed, beginning to make his way over to his best friend. As captain, it was always his job to make peace for his team. 

“Alright, let’s finish up our warmups and get today’s practice match started. If you need anything, our team managers Yeon Sieun and Jeon Youngbin will be assisting today for both teams.” The interruption by the Eunjang coach gave both teams the redirect they needed, and soon the game began. 

Being on the court felt electric. There was no place in the world where Baku felt more at home than with his team and playing his favorite sport. On the court, he could forget all about the stupid shit in his life like his mom, his dad, the brief falling out he had with Baekjin, and even his feelings for Sieun. Nothing mattered to him except the game and doing his best. 

Given his loud personality and the fact that he’s the captain, most people would assume Baku would be right in the front to be in the middle of all the action. Actually, he always preferred the back row when it came time to play. Being in the back allowed him to see everything and keep an eye on all of his teammates. 

Juntae had been so nervous when he first started as their libero, but Baku had noticed his potential one day as he ran errands for the upper classmen. Sure, he was small and a bit weak, but the boy was insanely quick. It took a few months, but after the two of them practiced everyday, eventually Juntae got used to diving after the ball and receiving the powerful spikes. Baku’s faith in him and his own determination made him become one of the most useful members on the team. 

Gotak, of course, was one of their most powerful blockers and spikers. Even with his old knee injury, no one in the school could jump like his friend, and no one could spike the ball as hard as he could. At first, Gotak only joined Baku in practicing while he waited between taekwondo competition seasons, but after he got hurt and felt out of place upon returning to his own sport, Gotak realized how much fun it was playing with people he trusted. Baku was there for him more than anyone; how could he not return the favor?

Poor Beomseok had been so lost when he transferred to Eunjang High. When he first arrived, he barely spoke to anyone. The sight of the upper classmen made him cower in fear, and he didn’t say much to the other students. Once everyone found out about who his father was, it was only a matter of time until the other students started trying to ask for favors or money. Baku hadn’t seen the other boy much since they were in different classes, but he couldn’t let anyone get bullied or pressured into something they didn’t want as long as he was around. So when he noticed some older kids harassing Beomseok during the lunch break, he didn’t hesitate to step in and defend him. 

It took a while, but Baku’s overly friendly nature and his inability to lie warmed Beomseok’s icy armor. Of course, it took even more convincing to get him to join the team, but Juntae being there helped immensely. The two of them grew close quickly, bonding over their similar lives and love of sweet treats. Beomseok’s ability to read people strengthened as time went on, and as he became friends with more members of the team, his sets got stronger and stronger as well. Without Baku, he would have continued to live alone on his little island.

They might be a little broken and rough, but Baku wouldn’t trade his team for anything in the world. It was like they were his precious jewels, and he was the sunlight reflecting off of them to make them shine brightly. 

Every time his hand connected with the ball, Baku felt an even bigger rush of adrenaline. Each connection just built bigger and bigger until he was overflowing with excitement, yelling after every point scored and hugging his team between rounds. Ganghak was even playing normally, probably due to Baekjin’s influence. Nothing could get him down. 

After three sets, Eunjang was up 2-1, so everyone thought it would be a great time to hydrate and rest for a minute before going back. This was Baku’s favorite time of the game, besides winning, because it meant that he could make eye contact and hand contact with Sieun as the other handed him a water bottle. 

He sauntered over, wiping his sweat off with his shirt, before stopping dead in his tracks. Standing way too close to his Sieun was someone he had never seen before, but from the slight blush on his face, Sieun certainly knew who he was. For a minute, he wondered if he should just walk away. He could always go bother Baekjin or try to keep Seongje and Gotak from killing each other, but something in him needed to walk up to the stranger and make his presence known. 

“Did you see us out there, Sieun-ah? We’re on fire!” Baku called cheerfully, trying to act like everything was normal and he wasn’t worrying himself to death on the inside. Sieun and the stranger turned towards him; their expressions neutral. 

The stranger angled his body back towards Sieun and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Aren’t you gonna introduce me to your friend Sieunnie?”

Sieun’s blush deepened. More importantly, Baku noticed that he didn’t shake the hand off of his shoulder the way he normally would for everyone else on the team. “Humin, this is Ahn Suho. We went to the same middle school but lost touch when we got placed in different high schools. Suho-yah, this is Park Humin. He’s the captain of the volleyball team.”

‘And your friend!’ he wanted to shout, but that wasn’t exactly the case and this just about proved it. Even after two whole years, Baku still wasn’t close enough to casually touch Sieun like that. It normally didn’t bother him since no one else could do it either (except Juntae on occasion), but seeing someone be so bold right in front of him made his heart sink down. 

“Nice to meet you, Suho-ssi. Sorry, I need to go speak to Baekjin; I almost forgot.” 

On a normal day, Baku would be stealing glances at Sieun and watching his reaction to their team, but even the court and the game couldn’t get his mind off of the jealousy and depression he was feeling. Maybe he should just give up; they’ll be going to different universities anyway. 

Miss. Net Ball. Out. Foot Fault. 

Baku had never played so badly in his life, even before he got onto the team. He was making such simple mistakes that even Beomseok wasn’t setting to him anymore. It was like he was a rookie again, terrified and pathetic. One thing that definitely didn’t help was Seongje’s smug grin every time he rotated to the front; it was like the other boy knew his thoughts and feelings. 

He probably did since everyone always said Baku was the easiest member to read. 

“I got it!”

“Mine!”

Diving for the ball, Baku felt himself slam straight into Juntae. He quickly maneuvered them so that Juntae landed against Baku’s side and the poor boy wasn’t crushed under his weight. As he caught his breath, Baku felt a searing pain in his leg. Looking down, he saw his ankle was twisted underneath their bodies. Great, just his luck. 

Juntae scrambled up, trying his best not to move Baku. “Huminnie, are you okay?”

By now, the play had stopped, and both his team and the other team were crowded around looking down at him. Baku hated when he was the one injured; it was so much easier to take care of others than to let himself be taken care of. 

At the edge of the circle, Sieun was standing with a concerned look on his face. Right, he was the captain and he was hurt. That’s why Sieun was worried, not for any other reason. He let Gotak pull him up and wrap an arm around his shoulders to lead him to the bench. “Don’t worry guys! Just a sprain, I’ll be back in no time.”

Baku tried to hide the grimace as he sat down. He could tell it definitely was a sprained ankle, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like hell. Before anyone could say anything, he turned to Youngbin and smiled brightly. “Could you help me wrap my ankle?”

The other boy turned to him in surprise, his thick eyebrows raising almost up to his hairline. He nodded anyway and began rummaging through the first aid kit. Baku could feel Sieun’s eyes on him, but he couldn’t bring himself to look back. All of the pain, shame, and embarrassment flowed through him. 

As he sat on the sidelines, Baku thought about his team. He might have been the captain, but they really were forces in their own right. All of them had strength and determination, and really, they didn’t need him playing as much. He was so... replaceable. But it also filled him with a sick sense of pride. He had helped them become this strong, and now he was able to watch them soar. Baku was simply the catalyst. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

January

Nothing had changed, and yet at the same time, everything was different. Baku still hung out with Gotak over break; they spent Christmas and New Year’s together like they always did. Baekjin dropped by one day to exchange presents and talk about the upcoming competitions and games. Everything was normal. 

What had changed was Baku. After his realization, he stopped trying so hard to get close to Sieun or impress him. He would just treat him like a normal friend, and when they went off to university in a few months, he could move on. Or try to, anyway. 

Practice continued as normal. They trained, Baku joked and played around with his teammates, and Sieun kept his distance. Just a few more months and it would be over. 

On a Friday after practice, Baku found himself alone in the club room. It was one of the few nights he wasn’t working at his dad’s restaurant, so he sat on a bench and pondered what he could do. Gotak was busy helping his mom, Baekjin was suspiciously busy and wouldn’t tell him why, the rest of the team already had plans. 

The creak of the door opening shocked him out of his thoughts. “Are you almost done? Coach Kim asked me to lock up before leaving.”

Sieun stood, hovering in the doorway  of the room. Baku blinked at him for a few seconds before grabbing his bag and shoving the rest of his clothes inside. Before he could pass through the door, Sieun grabbed his arm. 

“Is everything okay?” he asked softly. “You’ve been acting strangely since we got back from the break.”

“Huh? No, everything’s fine. What do you mean ‘strange’?” he questioned. The grip Sieun had on his arm felt like fire. A month ago, he would have been overjoyed, but now it almost burned his skin. 

The other boy looked down and released his grip. “You seem sad lately. You smile and laugh, but it doesn’t reach your eyes.”

Baku stood dumbfounded. Since when had Sieun ever paid attention to him like that? “Really, it’s all good. I’m not sad or anything. Come on, let’s go before it gets too late. When Coach gets mad-”

“You don’t look at me any more.”

That really stopped Baku in his tracks. Had he been so obvious that even Sieun could see his feelings? “What? I’m looking at you right now.”

Sieun narrowed his eyes. “You don’t look at me, don’t talk to me. Humin-ah, you act like I’m a ghost during practice. I thought we were friends; what did I do to upset you so much?”

Baku ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Nothing, just- I’m dealing with some things. But we’re still friendly. I just thought I should back off a little since we aren’t actually friends. I realized I was probably annoying you.”

“Since when aren’t we friends? I know we aren’t close, but I consider you a friend.”

“We don’t hang out, we don’t really talk. You aren’t like the team.”

Sieun’s face looked puzzled for a moment before he went back to his usual expression. He nodded his head slowly, but before he could open his mouth, Baku kept going. 

“I mean you don’t even let me touch you, which like of course you don’t have to. I know about consent and everything, but that’s how I show affection to my friends.”

“I don’t let anyone touch me.”

“Suho does.”

The moment the words left his mouth, Baku wished he could take it all back. Fuck, he was so stupid. Why had he been cursed with no filter? The pain and shock on Sieun’s face had been exactly what he had been trying to avoid.

“You don’t know anything about me and Suho,” Sieun spit out, anger laced in his voice. 

Baku hung his head in shame. “I don’t; I shouldn’t have said that. That was out of line. I’m sorry. I’ll just- see you on Monday.”

Before the other boy could reply, Baku was racing out of the gym. What an idiot he was. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

February

Things had not gotten any better since their confrontation in the club room. Sieun was staying far away from him, even farther than before his massive fuck up. Baku was used to getting into trouble because of his big mouth, but this was a new low for him. 

It wasn’t like he could even be upset since it was his own fault. He had to live with the consequences of his own actions. 

At least his playing had gone back to normal. Baku was wallowing in his feelings, but he would be damned before he let it affect his team’s performance. There was no time for self pity when so many people relied on him to hold everything together. 

“We’re having a small party on Saturday night,” Gotak said after practice. It wasn’t unusual for them to be the last two in the club room, as they were the senior members of the team and mostly attached at the hip. “Juntae wants us to do some team bonding and hang out with... the enemy, but Baekjin has some connections and got us a private party room. So, it’ll be at least a little fun even if the actual devil is going to be there.”

Baku paused from arranging the net and basket of volleyballs they used. “Since when are Juntae and Bakejin friends? Actually, more importantly, why didn’t Baekjin tell me about it?”

Gotak rolled his eyes. “After the practice game, which I still am annoyed at you for ducking out early by the way, they started talking and became friends. Though with how much Junnie blushes when I mention him, I think it might be a little bit more than friends.” He chuckled a bit, then continued with a serious look on his face. “I think they didn’t tell you because you’ve been kinda out of it lately. I mean you’ve been a space case before, but now you’re just... sad.”

“I’m not-” he started to protest, but Baku couldn’t even finish the sentence. “I’m trying not to make a fool out of myself more than I already do. I just want to finish this year and be the captain you guys deserve. Letting myself get distracted now won’t help anything.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? None of us have ever doubted you as captain.”

Baku ran his hand through his hair and slumped down on the bench next to the shelves of materials. It was only Gotak; why did he suddenly feel nervous about explaining his thoughts? “At the practice game, I got injured and kept making mistakes. When I sat on the bench and watched you guys, I realized how much you shine with or without me. You don’t really need me, so I’m just going to try and look out for you instead of inserting myself like I used to do.”

The other boy was silent for a moment, then he sat down on the bench next to Baku. “I’m a horrible friend and an even worse teammate if I ever let you believe that about yourself. Fuck, Park Humin, do you really think any of us would be here if we didn’t have you? If we didn’t love and respect you? You are our captain and friend; none of us would trade you for anything.

“When I got my knee fucked, who was the one who trained with me every day in PT so I could come back? And when I was shunned by those taekwondo jerks, who was the one who showed up every match before I quit to cheer me on and give me strength? Who was the person I swore to follow anywhere and everywhere as long as I live?”

Baku’s voice was small when he replied. “Me, but-”

Gotak continued on, “Who stays late after every practice to help clean, even when he has to work at his dad’s restaurant? Who watches over the younger boys when we have away games and need to travel?”

“I do...”

“Who gave Juntae and Beomseok the strength to stand up for themselves and find their own voices? Who saved me from the darkest moments in my life? Who helped Yeon Sieun get friends?”

“Well, that one has nothing to do with me. Sieun and I have no connection outside of our roles,” Baku said, slumping his shoulders. “I don’t mean anything to him.”

Grabbing his arm, Gotak turned Baku towards him. “Baku-yah, you were the one to approach him first. You introduced him to Juntae and Beomseok. Without your help, everyone would have been awkward and hesitant with each other. I’m sorry I let you feel like this for so long, but don’t ever say or think some dumb shit like that again. We are your team; we trust and respect you 100%. Do the same for us.”

Gotak pulled his best friend in for a hug, and suddenly, it felt like the weight of the world had lifted off of Baku’s shoulders. He felt tears well up in his eyes, and he let his body sag into Hyuntak’s. Carrying his negative feelings around had affected him more than he realized, but he was supposed to be the leader, be the strong one. How could he go to others with his problems when he was the one who was supposed to fix everything?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Talking with his best friend had made him feel a little better, so on Saturday, Baku decided to join Gotak and the crew for the party. Baekjin’s connections had really hooked it up for them. The room was a fairly big size, even with some members of each team missing, and there were plenty of snacks and drinks to enjoy. Music played in the background for ambiance, neon lights glowed softly. 

Looking around the room, he saw Seongje sitting in the corner with his two teammates. The boy had a bored expression on his face as he played on his phone, but as he noticed Gotak walk in, his signature wolfish grin slid across his face. Whatever, that was not his problem tonight. 

Juntae was sitting next to Baekjin, their shoulders pressed together. They were laughing and smiling about something, and every now and again, they would hold eye contact before blushing and looking away. Hyuntak was right, then; there was something going on between those two. 

Across the room, Baku’s eyes locked on to Sieun’s. He thought about going over to say something, apologize or just be friendly, but before he could, he noticed that Ahn Suho was standing next to him once again. It was like the practice game all over again. 

In his haste to get some air, Baku didn’t notice Beomseok standing beside the two boys, or Sieun coming after him. 

He burst into the hall, trying to calm himself down and act normal. There was no reason for him to freak out; Sieun obviously wanted nothing to do with him and that was a totally valid choice. He wasn’t obligated to like Baku back just because the boy had feelings for him. He would just have to find a way to deal with these feelings and not let it affect their work. 

“Humin-ah...”

Baku’s head snapped up as he looked over towards Sieun. The other boy was standing in the hallway of the venue, a hesitant look on his face. Immediately, Baku let a bright, if insincere, smile spread across his face. 

He waved his hand and said, “Oh hey, Sieun-ah. Don’t worry, I’m just getting some air real quick! I’ll be back in a moment. You should go enjoy the party.”

Sieun’s face remained blank. 

“Really, I’ll be right back. I’m sure Su-”

“I’m sorry.”

“Wh-what? What are you sorry for?” Baku cocked his head to the side. He was the one at fault in their last conversation, so why was Sieun the one apologizing?

Sieun walked closer, moving right in front of Baku. He was so close that Baku felt as if he could count each individual eyelash and see straight into the depths of his soul. Sieun’s eyes were so mesmerizing; he could barely tear his gaze away. 

“I’m not good with people; I think everyone knows that,” he began in a low voice. His hands twisted nervously in front of him. “I’m shy but opinionated, I’m not nice to people, I’m not friendly or outgoing. And I don’t really care to be any of those things; the people who know me really are who I care about, only their opinions matter to me. The team, you, Suho.”

Suho. Suho. Suho. Baku could feel his heart breaking all over again. Sieun could have just said friends, but separating Suho’s name from them made it all the more clear that he was the most special person in Sieun’s life. 

“I’m not good at expressing my feelings about things, but I thought you were perceptive enough to see that I do consider you a friend. You’re so good at reading people’s feelings and emotions. I always thought I didn’t have to say anything, that you would just understand me. But I should have made it clear, so I’m sorry I didn’t show my feelings earlier.”

Baku stood there, taking in the words. Never in his life would he have thought he’d be standing in front of Yeon Sieun apologizing to him and praising his emotional intelligence. Sieun wasn’t a mean person, not to him anyway, but he never thought they would actually be this close before. 

“It’s okay,” Baku replied, reaching out to pat Sieun’s shoulder. He stopped himself before they made contact, remembering the other boy’s boundaries. “I’m not mad at you or anything, and it’s just an honest misunderstanding. We can be friends from now on! Let’s go back before Suho starts to miss you too much.”

Sieun took hold of Baku’s hand and placed it on his shoulder delicately. Even through his clothes, the touch immediately shut his brain off. Baku was very happy that mind readers weren’t real because if they could see inside of his mind, the only thing that would appear is “Yeon Sieun is touching me and letting me touch him.” This encounter would be the only thing he thought about for the next six years of his life. 

“Stop mentioning Suho like that; he’s just my friend. We’re close, but there’s no romantic feelings between us. Besides, he has a crush on Beomseok. I was introducing them when you walked in.”

With that, Sieun shrugged Baku’s hand off of his shoulder and began walking back to the room. He held the door open, music flowing out of the entryway, and looked back at Baku still standing in the hall. “Coming?”

Baku snapped to attention and quickly made his way back inside of the party, pondering all the while what this meant for his feelings. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

March

“How is Baekjin and his team? Juntae said he and Baekjin won’t talk to each other about any team details, and Suho refuses to answer any questions I ask straight on.”

Ever since their heart to heart, Sieun had been much more open with talking to Baku before and after practices. They still didn’t hang out much, but it was definitely a much friendlier environment. Now, he could pick up on Sieun’s little habits and interests without having to bug Juntae or casually overhear their conversations, which is why he immediately noticed when Sieun’s back twinged as he lifted some of the equipment to the top shelf. 

“They’re fine. He doesn’t tell me anything either, but he does say whether their practices and matches go okay,” he replied, intently staring at Sieun’s back. “Hey, are you busy this Saturday? Wanna go to the park with me?”

Sieun turned around, a puzzled look on his face. Baku quickly shifted his eyes to the shelf, not wanting to seem like a weirdo for staring at his friend so directly. “What’s at the park?”

“I was thinking of trying out some new plays and warmups; you could come observe and tell me if you think it’s a good idea.”

The other boy paused for a moment. The silence between them was thick, and for a minute, Baku fell back into his old habit of overthinking. Surely, Sieun was trying to think of a way to let him down easy. Maybe he wasn’t ready to hang out one on one with Baku yet. 

“I have my math academy from 9 until 12, but we can meet after that.”

Baku felt a wide smile break out across his face. Step one success! “Great! I’ll bring snacks, and we can even have a little picnic too.”

Sieun smiled softly, so softly that for anyone else, it didn’t even look like his face changed. Baku knew better though. He had seen every face and expression that Sieun had ever made. “Okay, let me know where to meet you then.”

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The volleyball net at the playground near Baku’s house wasn’t as good as the one they used at school, but this playground was tucked away and hardly had any visitors. Sieun valued his privacy over most things, so Baku made sure that he chose a place where Sieun would be comfortable. 

As he was setting up everything just right, Sieun made his way into the park. The other boy wasn’t dressed differently from any other day, but for Baku, he was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. His hair was laying flat against his forehead as always, he had his signature gray hoodie on, and his backpack was resting on his back, probably filled with the books he used for studying. When he noticed Baku, he gave a short wave and walked towards him. 

“Sieun-ah! You made it!” Baku called, waving enthusiastically. Sieun smiled and waved a bit as he walked up. 

“Hi, how are you?”

“I’m great! Thanks for meeting me today, I think it’ll be good to get your opinions about some of the ideas I have. You’re so good at analyzing the team!”

There was a slight blush on Sieun’s face as he sat down, placing his bag to the side. Baku started unpacking the snacks he had bought and placed them on the blanket. Snacks, drinks, sweets, anything a person could think of. 

“Ah, I probably went a little overboard, but I wasn’t sure how hungry you would be. Plus, it’s not like I won’t eat them.”

“Thank you; this is really kind of you to do.”

Baku blushed a bit and started opening the packets. “It’s nothing, can’t let a team member go hungry!”

As they sat and ate, Baku chattered on about his day and ideas he had for the team. Sieun listened carefully, nodding and chiming in when asked for his opinion. It felt comfortable but nerve wracking at the same time. Not one to be at a loss for words, Baku wondered if he was saying the right things and acting correctly. 

There was no real guidebook on how to talk to your crush. 

He tried his best to be open and honest about his thoughts, and he made sure to ask Sieun questions as well. Gotak had told him before about his tendency to dominate a conversation when he gets going, and the last thing he wanted was to ignore Sieun’s thoughts and feelings. Despite his nervousness, the conversation came easily for him. Baku felt himself relaxing. He was still incredibly nervous, but Sieun had a way of making him feel at ease. 

“Okay!” Baku called out once they were done. “Now, it’s stretching time, so you have to stand up now.”

Sieun looked up, cocking his head to the side in confusion. “I thought you were just going to show me your ideas. Why do I have to get up too?”

“How else can you judge if the stretches will be good for the team if you don’t actually do them?”

That got an eye roll, but Sieun still stood up nonetheless. He followed Baku’s moves, albeit a bit more clumsily than the other boy. It was true that Baku had wanted to try out some new moves and warm ups with the team, but actually his real motivation was to try and help Sieun’s back.

Baku had noticed himself how the smaller boy’s shoulders were always hunched over and it was hard for him to reach up when putting equipment away. More than that, he also overheard Juntae fussing over him. Out of the entire team, Juntae was always the one to try and fix everyone’s problems, but Sieun didn’t respond well to direct action most of the time. Hence, Baku’s amazing plan to trick him into doing light exercise. 

The two boys stretched and moved their bodies until Baku could see the tension leave Sieun’s body. In a gesture of mercy, he switched to the new sets and positions he had come up with for the team. Sieun watched with a critical eye, giving his feedback and approval when necessary. 

Before they had realized it, the day had passed quickly and the sun was beginning to set. Both boys had been so comfortable and wrapped up in their work; neither even noticed the sun lowering. Baku packed their things and began to walk Sieun home. 

He wanted desperately to reach out and touch his hand, but they weren’t quite there yet.