Work Text:
well, can my dreams keep coming true?
how can they? 'cause when I sleep
i never dream of you
as if the dream of you, it sleeps too
but it never slips away
it just gains its strength and digs its hooks
to drag me through the day
— caught, florence + the machine
Jack Abbot had become a man of routine. In his younger years, he was up for any abrupt shift in plans. Jack was the guy you called last minute for a drink, the guy who was always game for a last minute roadtrip to wherever. But, as his 50th birthday was staring down the barrel at him, he found he had become more set in his ways. And, well, his therapist had been insistent on him getting into a routine after Angie died. It did make him get out of bed in the earlier days when all he wanted was to waste away inhaling the scent from her pillow. Now, it kept him level-headed and centered.
His older sisters, Jenny and Julie, liked to give him hell about how "boring" he had become; he had earned it for all of the grey hair he had likely been the cause of in their 20s and 30s. His mom had been so young when she had the three of them that it was almost like he had three mothers growing up. Jack's mom always told him she knew from the moment her water broke during a flash flood warning that he was going to be her wild, unpredictable child.
He was 12 when the youngest, Jamie, had come along. He was already set in his ways as the rebellious, youngest child. He'd been less of a father figure to her and more of a partner in crime. She was the only one who could get him to break his routine these days which is why he'd thrown out his plans for his second day off, gotten up at 7am, and was just returning home at 2pm.
Jamie had found a new hiking trail and had begged him to join them for a hike this morning, knowing he had the day off. It hadn't been a tough decision to make, he'd do anything the kid asked. It was a brisk morning, but he knew as soon as they got moving they would be grateful for the cool air. The downside of being close to a sibling who had known you for all 36 years of their life was that there was no fooling them in the slightest. Jamie could read him better than his eldest sisters and she could tell as soon as he got out of his truck that something was bothering him. He had to give her credit though, she waited until they were a mile in to start badgering him about it.
So, he'd spilled his guts about his ill advised crush and worry for the smartest resident to ever grace the emergency department. He'd obviously noticed the pretty resident in her first year, but they rarely crossed paths. It wasn't until she was on the night shift for a month in the middle of her r2 year that his fondness for her had taken root. She was just so intelligent and kind. He wanted to work every case with her. It was around this time that he started sharing articles and case studies with her. His favorite thing to do was listen to her as she critiqued the methodology and then to read her notes on the hard copy he had given her.
The pigtail catheter had been a fluke thing. It had been a while since their schedules had synced up, so he'd dug until he found a really interesting and rare one for her. He could have never predicted how helpful it would end up being just a few months later. She had performed the procedure flawlessly and he was certain he could pinpoint that moment as the one where he realized he was in love with her.
It was embarrassing, really. He's fairly certain she forgets he exists unless he's right in front of her. She's singularly focused in a way he admires and resents. She has walls that are nearly impossible to break through, so he was surprised when she joined them in the park after the Pittfest shift. The two of them sat on that bench long after the others had dispersed. She had been flying high after the life saving procedure, but now she seemed like even blinking was an arduous task.
It was clear to him in that moment that she didn't need him to speak, she just need him to be there. So they had sat there in silence, likely for hours, before he gave her a ride home. He had given Jamie the abridged version of all of this, not wanting to come across as pathetic as he felt.
"So, where's the worry come in?" His sibling had asked in response.
Jack had kept an eye on her in the last two months since that day in September. She was just as effective as a physician, more confident even. But there was a weight that only he seemed to notice. He had tried approaching her about it but she was always running to the next case. She was the best doctor he had ever witnessed in action, he felt like it was his responsibility to make sure she didn't burn out. Robby had gone from mocking her by calling her that awful nickname to now being so lost in his own head it's like she doesn't exist. Not exactly the inspiring mentor most are looking for in their residencies.
The conversation naturally flowed into other topics. Family dinner. Emery still being pissed he had "shoved" her. Christmas plans. Jack's lack of a personal life.
That last one came near the end of their trek. They were back at the trailhead and saying their goodbyes when Jamie hit him with the idea.
"Why don't you just call her and check in? You're one of her attendings, that can't be totally out of line."
That conversation had led him here, sitting on the bench at the end of his bed staring at her contact in his phone. He wanted to call her, but she'd been avoiding him lately and the last thing he wanted to do was make her uncomfortable. His thumb hovered over the call button before he shook his head and laid the phone down on the bench beside him.
He stood up and stretched. His shirt was drenched despite the cool weather, so he grabbed the back collar and pulled his shirt off over his head, throwing it in the hamper near his dresser. Jack decided he'd get his laundry together, take a shower and then maybe send her a text to touch base. A text seemed like less of a leap than a phone call.
He grabbed his phone off the bench and sat it in the charging stand Jenny had insisted he needed last Christmas. He starts to strip the bedding off his bed so he could wash and change it out. He had just finished pulling off the sheets and was leaning down to pull off his pants when he hears his name being called faintly. Not just his name, but his title.
"Dr. Abbot!?"
He whips around, and is shocked to see Samira Mohan with her face in her hands in an amused sort of embarrassment, and immediately turns bright red.
Samira had just burst into her apartment, having to shove her body into her sticking door, arms full of groceries when her phone started ringing. Her amma always picked the worst possible time to call. She sat the groceries on her counter, pulled her phone out, swiped to answer and turned to begin putting her groceries away.
"Hello?"
Silence greeted her through her headphones. Of course, she didn't even mean to call her daughter. Their relationship had been tense since her appa died and only got worse when Samira didn't stay in New Jersey. She knew her amma hoped she would come back after she completes her residency, but if their relationship continues as it is, Samira thinks it would be unbearable.
She continued putting groceries away and every so often tried to get her mother's attention as she could hear her moving around in the background. She figures she might as well get the call out of the way since it'd already been initiated. It might buy her a week or two before the next one.
"Aaaaaammaaaaa. I think you butt dialed me. Are you there?"
She put the last of her groceries away and turned to grab the phone. She froze in shock at the name and image on her screen.
"Dr. Jack Abbot (PTMC Night Shift Attending)"
And… well, he was shirtless.
She grabbed her phone up off of the counter quickly, not realizing she had taken a screenshot of the facetime. Samira moved to her desk, sitting down and deciding what she should do. Abbot continued stripping his bed and she thought maybe she should just hang up. But, he'd eventually see her name in his call log and know she'd been on the call for more than just a few seconds. She decided she would try to get his attention.
"Dr. Abbot?" She asked timidly.
No response. She tries not to stare at his very fit body.
She clears her throat and says louder, "Excuse me, Dr. Abbot?"
Nothing. She can't help but let her eyes trace his physique from his strong neck to his softer stomach. She was overcome with the urge to take a bite out of him.
Her head drops into her hands in embarrassment and disbelief. Finally, she takes a deep breath and as loud as she can be without bothering her neighbors says, "Dr. Abbot!?"
He quickly turns toward her and she watches, through her fingers, as her attending turns bright red from his ears down to where his pants meet his waist. He straightens and moves closer to the phone. He looks simultaneously panicked and mortified. He is suddenly very close to the phone and her view shifts from a close up of his pec, and his pierced nipple, to his bicep up close and personal.
Samira is embarrassed to admit the heat that shoots through her as she gets a close up of the musculature… the veins… and, oh god, the freckles. She needed to be committed. Everytime she thinks she's over her crush on Dr. Abbot, something happens that reminds her of how much she likes him. She's going to be haunted by that nipple piercing for the rest of her life. She needs to touch it.
Admittedly, she hadn't really noticed Jack Abbot until she worked a month of nights sometime last year. She'd see him in passing at handoff, but that was pretty much it. She is, admittedly, often singularly focused on being the best doctor she can be. But, ever since her month of nights, she's taken every double and night shift she could. It was exhilirating working with Abbot. He's so… competent.
Samira is pulled out of her reverie by Abbot's sheepish face appearing in the frame. He had pulled a shirt on while she was day dreaming about his arms and his piercing. She was grateful for her dark complexion, because she imagines she'd be as red as he is otherwise.
"Mohan. I am so sorry. It was an accident, I didn't mean to skype you."
A sharp laugh bursts out of Samira's mouth, shocking both her and Abbot. He looked confused, but pleased about getting a laugh out of her.
"Sorry, I haven't heard someone refer to skype in like 6 years. But, I have to know, how do you accidentally facetime someone?"
Abbot looks down, rubbing the back of his neck. His expression turned serious as he met her gaze through the phone.
"Well, I had been considering calling you. A regular phone call, mind you, but I had talked myself out of it."
"Why?"
Samira sounded concerned but also puzzled. They were friendly, but they didn't call each other. They often emailed journal articles back and forth, but that was the most communication they had outside of work.
Well, except when he drove her home after Pittfest.
Jack sighed, "I wanted to check in with you. I've just felt like, uhm, since September you've seemed to be functioning on autopilot. Have you met with the trauma counselor yet?"
Samira felt her posture shift, becoming defensive immediately. Robby was finally leaving her alone. She hadn't heard slo-mo whispered behind her back since the MCI. Figures she'd get one attending off of her back, just to have another one decide she wasn't suited for emergency medicine.
"Thank you for your concern, Dr. Abbot, but I'm fine. I have done the mandatory counseling. I'm being more efficient, Dr. Robby seems fine with my work performance."
Abbot scoffed and her eyes widened at the look he threw her way. He was always more restrained with her than others, more professional. This, however, was a look that was screaming "bullshit" at her.
"You and I both know Robby is barely present in that department most days. I see you, I have always seen you. You're the smartest person there, Samira. But, you cannot lose your empathy and attentiveness. That is what makes you an exceptional doctor and you've started rushing through patients and you know it. It's why you've been avoiding me."
He had called her Samira…
She pushed that thought away before it could do too much damage to her heart. She hadn't realized she'd been avoiding him but, he was right, she had been. She'd felt too percieved by him on that park bench and she had been running from that feeling ever since. She wasn't sure how to respond to him, but he was right. About all of it. Especially the Robby of it all. She was still lost in thought when he grabbed the phone and sat down.
"Listen, I just want you to know I'm here. For anything you need. Your attending ignoring you is not any better than him talking down to you. Both options are a failure in mentorship. So, I am here. For anything you need. I just need to know you're okay."
He looked… almost desperate. As if his entire existence and peace of mind rested on her accepting his concern. She took a deep breath and gave him a small smile.
"I'm sorry. I just… I don't think I even realized I had been avoiding you. I'm not really used to reaching out to people, but I'll try when I need to talk or need some guidance. Seriously, thank you for this. Even if it was an accident."
She ends with a smirk and a lighthearted eye roll. He huffs out a laugh for her and she feels like she's won a prize. She didn't know what it was like to have someone in her corner, but if it felt like this and the person looked like Jack Abbot, she thought she could probably get used to it. His voice seemed a little huskier and his eyes darker when he responded to her apology and her heart rate increased in response.
"Well, clearly I had made the wrong decision and I was supposed to call. Fate can be funny like that. The universe clearly has a sense of humor since their interference was having me commit an HR violation."
Samira had decided to give him grace and not bring up the whole shirtless, facetime fiasco. But he had brought it up… Was he flirting with her? He was didn't usually flirt with her. He was different around her and she wasn't sure what exactly that meant. She didn't think he was flirting with her, necessarily. Jack Abbot was just a flirt. Would it be weird to flirt back? Did she even remember how to flirt?
"Well, Dr. Abbot, I think it’s only fair that if I'm going to be chastised I get a show as a pre-lecture treat. I was in shock, I thought you were my mom calling."
She felt delight course through her body as she watched his face turn bright red again. She thinks she may adore him most when he is blushing like a little boy. It made her feel giddy and powerful. She had made the flirt of the pitt blush. Her. Inexperienced, no life, Samira Mohan. She considers how red he might turn if she mentioned the nipple piercing. Her train of thought is interrupted as he clears his throat.
"So, not going to file an HR report then?"
She grinned, "Nah. It can be our little secret."
He shot her a wry look and sighed.
"I am serious, Mohan. Anything you need —"
"You're a skype away," she interrupted.
He looked at her convincingly unamused.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Dr. Mohan."
"Bye, Dr. Abbot."
She immediately put her face in her hands, taking deep breaths in an effort to center herself. She had seen her attending shirtless. She had seen her attending who she had a devastating crush on shirtless. She had ogled her attending, who she had immense respect for and a crush on, while he was unknowingly shirtless in front of her. Her attending who had a nipple piercing.
She stood up abruptly. She needed a cold shower.
