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The door hadn’t even fully closed by the time Malia was on the bed, looming over Kira with a wicked grin. Malia was already reaching for the hem of Kira’s shirt when Kira stopped her quietly. Malia’s gaze shot upwards to meet Kira’s with a mixture of confusion and something almost akin to terror. “What? What’s wrong? Did I do something, did something happen, did–”
“Malia,” Kira interrupted, “I just wanted to talk a little before we get to the…lovemaking, you know?” She pulled her knees up towards her chest as Malia retreated into a sitting position at the foot of the bed.
“Oh, um…okay,” Malia bit her lip and rocked back and forth, “anything…in particular we’re talking about?”
“Well I–I mean you’ve been coming over a lot recently, and we’ve kissed a bunch, and we’ve stayed over at each other’s houses, and I guess I’m just wondering if that means…” Kira trailed off, flushing at the words.
“Means what? I like you and want to spend time with you? I thought that was obvious,” Malia’s brow furrowed, “isn’t it?”
“Yes, of course it is but I’m just trying to figure out whether we’re…you know.” Kira eked out, feeling heat rising in her cheeks.
“No…I don’t think I know,” Malia tilted her head.
Kira’s impulses won out, and she blurted, “Malia Tate, are you my girlfriend or aren’t you?”
Malia blinked. “I–you mean…” she looked away, “I don’t know, am I?”
It was Kira’s turn to be a little stunned. “You dated Stiles for the better part of a year and it’s not like we don’t know any couples, do you seriously not know what a girlfriend is?”
“Of course I do, but I thought it had to do with dating someone, doesn’t it?” Malia turned back to Kira, even more confused than Kira felt.
“I guess…sort of? But we’re dating, aren’t we?” Kira asked, fingers inching forward on the bed, “this is basically a date…isn’t it?”
“I thought this was a…what’s the word…” Malia thought for a second, “hookup?”
“O–oh,” Kira fought back the surge of disappointment in the pit of her chest and withdrew her hand to her side, “and…all the times we’ve kissed and grabbed dinner?”
“I–I don’t know. You’re pretty, and I like you, and I like hanging out with you, and doing more than that, but can we really call that stuff dates?” Malia rubbed her neck.
“We–we can if we want them to be, that’s part of why I’m asking!” Kira fired back, trying and failing to keep the tension in her voice from rising. “Do you not want us to date? Is that what you’re saying?”
“I don’t know, maybe?” Malia managed, “do I have to know what I want right this second when I just came over here to have a little fun with you?”
“Have a little fun? Really?” Kira jumped off the bed and half-walked half-stomped to the door.
“Where are you going?” Malia crept to the edge of the bed.
“Anywhere but here right now,” Kira shook her head, trying to push down that stinging feeling in her eyes and chest.
“Can you at least tell me what’s wrong?” Malia managed, starting up from the bed and almost grabbing Kira’s arm before Kira pulled away.
“You couldn’t manage a simple, easy question, Malia, and I–I don’t like how that feels, okay?” Kira suppressed a yell, “so can I just have some time?! Please?” She didn’t give Malia a chance to answer before she was out the door, Malia hearing the front door bang shut too moments later and the retreating footsteps on the pavement.
***
“I don’t get it, I think she likes me but then she doesn’t want to date? How am I supposed to feel about that?” Kira growled, hurling a ball with enough force it almost tore through the net. “Am I a toy or something that she uses when she wants but doesn’t want to actually care about? Has she just been using me this whole time? Did she ever even care about my feelings?” Kira rambled as she scooped up another ball and made to throw it before Scott cleared his throat.
“Maybe we should talk before we keep practicing unless you want to explain to Coach why one of the practice nets has more holes than Swiss Cheese?” he offered.
“Fine, I guess,” Kira grumbled, dropping the ball and letting the stick fall to her side, “but I feel like I need to hit something. Or cut it into pieces. Or just do something.” Her grip tightened on the stick, “actually maybe that’s a better idea…the football team won’t notice if one of their dummies has a few slashes on it, right? That’d be pretty standard weirdness for Beacon Hills?”
“And I’m supposed to be the one you chain up for risky behavior?” Liam complained, side-eying Scott.
“In her defense, cuts on a dummy are a lot easier to explain than a naked hairy boy running through the town square,” Scott retorted, stifling a chuckle.
“Again, one time!”
“No, that was twice.”
“The other time was in shorts, not the same thing!”
Kira glanced back and forth between them before interrupting, “So…should I find someone else to talk about my problems with?”
“No, sorry, I can concentrate,” Scott shook his head, “have you tried just going back to her and explaining why what she said hurt?”
“Why would I? Shouldn’t she know why that hurts?” Kira snapped. “I know she’s a bit behind on social experiences but it’s not rocket science to treat people like people instead of commodities!”
“Commodi–”
“Objects, Liam,” Scott quickly clarified before turning back to Kira, only for Liam to interject again.
“So why wouldn’t you just say objects? Or things?”
“That’s not the important part, Liam,” Scott pinched the bridge of his nose, “the point is that Kira feels hurt by the way Malia acted and feels as though she’s being treated like an inanimate object instead of a person, much less a partner.”
“Oh, I feel as though?” Kira crossed her arms, a metallic taste rising ever so slightly in her mouth…a telltale sign that the fox inside her was growing as irritated as she felt.
“You know that’s not what I meant,” Scott quickly corrected, the goosebumps on his forearms betraying that he felt the energy in the air and knew what it meant. “I’m trying to ask if you sat down and told her about why you’re feeling this way.”
“I thought that’s what tonight was going to be! But then she got all weird and reluctant and called tonight a hookup!” Kira shook her head angrily.
“No, not about that part, about why the labels matter to you and why her pulling away hurt you. Did you get the chance to explain…that?” Scott continued.
“No, I stormed out of there, drove around a little, saw you out here on the field and figured I’d blow off some steam with a few good goals!” Kira exclaimed.
“Doesn’t seem to be much goal practice…or any practice going on now, to blow off steam or otherwise,” Liam muttered under his breath, earning an exasperated look from Scott that quieted him down again.
“Then maybe you need to? And maybe if you open up about that it’ll make it easier for her to open up about why she seemed so hesitant about making it official.” Scott offered.
“But…I don’t know why I’m so hell-bent on calling her my girlfriend!” Kira admitted, her posture withering slightly, “it’s not like we had to rush to make ours that official, and Malia and I have been doing a lot more than we did…like a lot–”
“I got the picture, thank you,” Scott held up a hand, squinting his eyes shut, “So maybe it has to do with her being a girl? A new first relationship with different rules?” His eyes glazed over momentarily, as though lost in a fleeting memory.
“I don’t know, I really just…don’t,” Kira managed, shaking her head, there’s just this feeling inside me, that I need to know that it’s not…”
“Ephemeral?” Scott proposed with a smirk.
“Yes, I studied for the SATs too, Scott, but…I want this to be more than a high school fling. And I just don’t know if Malia sees it that way, even if I want her to.”
“Well not to state the obvious but there is only one person who can actually tell you how she sees it,” Scott pointed out.
“I get it, I have to talk to her,” Kira sighed, “but what am I going to say if I can’t express anything?”
“Maybe when you’re standing face to face again you’ll just…know?” Scott tilted his head. Kira thought for a moment before striding off the field to the parking lot, barely stopping long enough to grab her bag from the edge of the bleachers.
“Can we get back to practice now?” Liam asked, “You did say you wanted to work on sidearm passes and dragged me out here on a random Tuesday.”
“Yeah, yeah, we can get back to it, but…” Scott stared off at Kira’s car turning out of the parking lot, “do you think…that’s love?”
“How would I know?” Liam shrugged, “love seems like something you just sort of…feel. Maybe that’s how you feel when you meet your soulmate, or maybe it’s the start of a toxic ex-story you’ll tell in your forties.” Liam paused, “Sorry, I think Mason’s rubbing off on me too much.”
***
“We were getting along well, I kissed her, we were–”
“Getting ready to have some fun, yeah, got it, go on,” Stiles waved his hand frantically as though it’d blow away the details.
Malia suppressed a light growl, “yeah, and then she pushes me off and starts asking if we’re dating and if I’m her girlfriend!” Malia complained, pacing back and forth in Stiles’ kitchen.
“And what did you say in response to these very normal questions?” Lydia asked, sipping her tea.
“I said I didn’t know and that I hadn’t thought it through and just liked her and the fun we were having. What’s wrong with that?” Malia stopped and turned to the duo seated at the island. To her surprise Lydia’s jaw had dropped and Stiles was cringing and looking like he wanted to retreat into his shirt. “What? Are you two going to try and tell me that I should’ve known how to answer a random question like that?”
“Malia, sweetie,” Lydia folded her hands and rested them in front of her, “when a girl asks you if the two of you are official, or can become official, you either say yes, or you say no and elaborate on what the missing piece is to get to a yes. Because if she’s thought about it enough to ask the question, she probably wants you to say yes.”
“Oh,” Malia frowned, “well why didn’t she just ask it like that? And do it on the spot? How am I supposed to know to think about the missing piece without some warning?”
“So you think there is a missing piece?” Stiles asked.
“Probably? Otherwise I would have said yes, wouldn’t I?” Malia resumed pacing.
“Did you want this relationship to stay casual?” Lydia prodded, “because if so you usually lay that out early on, not a few months in when one of you has already caught feelings. And if the question does come up it’s better to be honest about what you want out of the whole thing than give a non-answer.”
“So I’m supposed to hurt her feelings by saying no?” Malia scratched her head.
“Did her feelings seem un-hurt by the answer you did give?” Lydia responded pointedly. Malia’s looking away spoke a thousand words.
“ I think Lydia’s central point, if I can cut in here, is that you gotta talk to the girl,” Stiles added, “like remember how I had to talk to you to establish that leaving deep scratch marks in my back was concerning to my dad and also not very comfortable for sleeping?”
“Yeah, a little bit,” Malia muttered tersely.
“Same principle, set the boundaries, decide what you do and don’t wanna do, what you wanna call it, and boom, happy relationship,” Stiles finished with a clap of his hands.
“Didn’t we break up less than six months after that conversation?” Malia asked, confused.
“I said it was a happy relationship, I didn’t say anything about a longevity guarantee,” Stiles nodded, seemingly satisfied with himself and his advice.
Lydia rolled her eyes, “As moronic as his means of delivery is, Stiles isn’t wrong. You’re wasting time talking to us really when the person you need to talk to is somewhere in town feeling hurt and sad and rejected. And whether or not this relationship, whatever it is, will work out is something only the two of you can decide together. We don’t have any input to offer there.”
“Not even a little more helpful advice than…that?” Malia gestured to Stiles.
“Honesty is the best policy?” Lydia shrugged, “I’m not a relationship therapist Malia, you have to talk to your…Kira, and figure out what the best course of action is yourselves. And the sooner you do that, the sooner you can get back to having fun, with her or someone else.”
“But I don’t really want to have fun with someone else!” Malia protested. A look of recognition crossed both Stiles and Lydia’s faces before Stiles facepalmed hard and Lydia rubbed her temples. “What? What did I say?”
“What you should be saying to Kira,” Lydia snapped, "you just admitted that you don’t want to see other people!”
“Well of course not, I know we’re not technically dating but that would feel weird to–”
“That’s monogamy, Malia, which is probably half of what was going through Kira’s brain when you were acting like you two were having casual hook-ups and not dates!” Stiles added through his hand.
“But I didn’t say I wanted to ‘have fun’ with other girls or boys or anything! Why would she take it that way?!” Malia looked back and forth between them, confused.
“Because it’s one of those unspoken social associations that if you’re trying to keep things casual and low stakes with one partner, there’s zero expectation of a closed relationship and every expectation of the opposite!” Stiles continued, exasperated.
“So go tell her the truth!” Lydia made a shooing motion, “apologize, tell her how you feel, and tell her why you hesitated earlier!”
“But I still don’t know why!” Malia hesitated in the doorframe, “and I don’t even know where she is!”
“It’ll come to you, and you have supersmell, now just GO!” Lydia practically shouted, sending Malia scurrying into the night.
“Should I go after her? Just in case?” Stiles thought aloud.
“I don’t really care, I’m going to bed,” Lydia groaned, wearily sliding off the stool and shuffling towards the stairs, “you guys are exhausting.”
***
Kira pulled into her driveway, fully expecting to pull right back out but jumped a little to see Malia sitting on her front stoop looking dejected, jumping up as soon as Kira pulled up and the headlights illuminated her. Kira leaped out, barely remembering to turn the car off, and hesitatingly walked up to the step, biting her lip.
“I’M SORRY” both of them attempted to speak at the same time and reeled back, “NO, I’M–” overlap again. “You go first,” Kira managed to slip out.
Malia nodded slowly, “You’re the one who actually deserves an apology anyway, so…I’m sorry I didn’t…understand. Understand why you were hurting, understand what I was doing wrong, any of it. I was dumb, and I should’ve talked to you about it instead of…I don’t know, kissing away the problem.”
“It’s not like you could’ve talked much to my back as I stormed out the door,” Kira shook her head, “so I’m sorry too. I just–”
“Wanted to know if we’re…official?” Malia muttered.
“Yeah…basically that,” Kira blushed and looked away, kicking the ground absentmindedly, “I see my parents every day living this…bizzare blissful married life even despite their…age gap. And I’ve wanted that. Not that I didn’t love Scott but he didn’t feel like…”
“Your dad?” Malia offered, before stiffening, “I mean not in a–not like–”
“I know what you meant, don’t worry,” Kira giggled, unsure if it was the image of Scott as her father or the blush rising in Malia’s cheeks that was making her feel so…light inside. “But exactly, I want to find a forever person and it’s hard to do that if we’re…messing around,” she managed, fighting the urge to reach for Malia’s hand.
“About that…I have a confession too, if we’re opening up about family members and romance and all that. And to be honest I don’t think it would have come to me if you hadn’t brought up your dad just now…”
“You’re thinking about your dad?” Kira tilted her head.
“Both of them, actually,” Malia admitted, “Peter is…Peter, and my dad tries his best but I can still tell how much losing my mom and my sister and even me for all that time…broke him. And it’s hard not to feel like in a way I broke him. I know now that I’m not responsible for killing anyone that night but…me being born caused all this fighting between…the woman who birthed me and Peter, and then that all spilled over onto the family that raised me. I’m the overlap. Everyone I care about, everyone who becomes family…it feels like I put them all at risk just by existing. So if we were official, if we became ‘girlfriends,’ I feel like…I don’t know, the universe hates me enough to put you through hell just for getting close to me.”
“Malia…” Kira couldn’t form a sentence, “I…”
“And I know that’s not fair to you!” Malia’s voice broke for a second, “I waited this long to tell you this and now…now…”
“Now I feel like I’m in love with you.”
“Yeah, you…what?”
“I–” Kira stammered, barely able to comprehend the words that had just sprung from her mouth, “I really like you, Malia, and I don’t think you’re a curse, or a jinx, or that you’re somehow to blame for the terrible things you’ve had to live through, and also I wear a sword as a belt and channel lightning, and if anyone can handle psychotic birth parents and curses and whatever else the universe is waiting to throw at us I think I can and I want to because I want to be your girlfriend!” Kira slapped her hands over her mouth. “Sorry that just…it all…”
Malia clutched Kira’s hands in her own, “Shut up and stop apologizing,” she managed to blurt out before lunging in for a kiss. By the time she pulled away she felt as red as Kira looked. “If…if you’re sure, and if you still want me after I was such a jerk tonight…”
“Of course I do,” Kira cupped Malia’s cheek, “so…girlfriends?”
“Girlfriends,” Malia agreed with a grin, glancing at the door, “any chance you’d still like to have some fun with your girlfriend tonight though?”
Kira beamed brighter than ever, “I was hoping you’d ask.”