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Xio wakes up early in the morning, drenched in sweat, shaking and crying for the third time that week, and it's Thursday.
They dreamt about their dad again. It was the same reoccurring nightmare every other night, if not more often.
It's your fault, Xio. If you hadn't released the Obsidians, I wouldn't have died, Suerte always says, over and over again. The obsidian dagger is buried in his chest, the handle sticking out. This time, though, Suerte took out the knife put of his chest, jade blood spilling out, and went aiming for Xio. You need to pay my life wit yours, you worthless child.
Objectively, Xio knows their dad would never say or do something like that. Suerte, despite everything, even after they released the Obsidians, loved Xio enormously. He died for them, he died so they wouldn’t have to, he died so they could have some semblance of a life.
But, in the past month since Suerte’s death, Xio did nothing. They to Afortunada and grieved. They had meetings about starting archaeological discoveries of Los Resots on Tuesdays and some paper signings on Fridays, but that's it.
Renata, their sister, checks on them every once in a while, but she's too busy helping the city. There's been even more refugees after the Obsidians were banished again.
She called Teo to visit, but he managed to find time to come only once. He, as well as Atzi, texts them every day, though Teo is much more persistent about it. Both Aurelio and Niya check in occasionally, but Teo and Atzi are the only ones who are consistent.
And sometimes they truly believe they should be dead instead of their dad. Just so he could live.
Xio takes their phone into their hand, their finger hovering over the call button next to Teo's contanct. Usually, they dealt with their nightmares alone, but this time, they think they need Teo. Suerte’s words still ring in their ears, tears running down their face. The screen is blurry and their hands are shaking. It felt so real, even if they know it couldn't have been.
Xio doesn't press call, though. Just as they put their phone back on the desk, an incoming call from Teo comes in.
Xio picks up, too dishevelled to think against it.
"Hi, Xio. I just wanted to ask—" Hearing Teo's voice makes Xio start sobbing. "What—? Xio, what happened?" Xio is sobbing too hard to answer. "Sol— Okay, Xio, I need to to breathe in deeply, can you do that?" Xio complies. "Hold it, alright, now exhale. Hold... Inhale... Hold... Breathe out..." Teo's voice is gentle, guiding. When Xio has stopped sobbing and restored to just crying, he asks, "Can you tell me what happened now?"
They sit down on their bed. "A nightmare, about dad."
"Suerte?"
"Yes. The same as always," Xio's voice breaks., leaning against the cold wall. "He— he told me it's my fault he died. That I should've died instead. That's new."
"It's not your fault. Xio, you're thirteen," Teo says softly. "You made some bad decisions that led to your dad's death, but in the end, he chose it. If he didn't choose it, we would've found another way to defeat the Obsidians. It isn't your fault."
"I wish I hadn't freed them. Then he wouldn't be dead."
"I know, but you can’t change the past. You can only work towards changing your future for the better."
For a bit, Xio stays quiet. Then, they whispered, very quietly, "Sometimes, I wish it was me who died and not him."
Teo lets put a shuttering breath. "As I said, that's in the past and it can't be changed. You have to continue living as best as you can, even if it's living from day to day. That's what he would've wanted. And if you ever—ever—wish you were dead, call me, we'll talk it through."
Xio's lip quivers. "I just miss him so terribly. I wish he were here." They let out another sob. "I walk around Afortunada and I see him everywhere and then I come home and cry and when I sleep, I dream about him. It's so exhausting."
"You have every right to feel that way. I—" Teo pauses. "My dad died when I was a kid, very young. I missed him, of course, but I had all of Quetzlan to look after me and be there for me. I don’t know how to properly help you and I don’t really know what to do, but I can promise I'll always be there for you, when you need it and when you don’t. You can always call, or text, or show up at Quetzlan unannounced. And, though I can't speak on anyone's behalf, I'm sure I'm not the only one."
Xio sniffs. They think of Atzi, and of Niya and Aurelio. They think about how Atzi told them that if they needed it, not only could they visit her, but Marino, Dezi and Xochi. "Thanks."
"That's what friends do." A few beats of silence pass between them. "I was going to tell you, I'm coming to Afortunada with Huemac on some city bussiness. But I thought I'd visit you, we could do something?"
They almost smile. "Yes, that would be nice."
Another few seconds pass before Teo asks, "Do you want to talk or do you want to do something by yourself? Or maybe just stay on the line for a while as we do our chores?" he suggests.
"Stay on the line," Xio replies.
For the next two hours, the two stay on the line, going on with their days and commenting on what they're doing before Teo has to go to a meeting. Xio is entirely grateful to him. Sometimes, they wonder how they got a friend like that.